Episode 611 Handsfree Abuse is Still Abuse

Hey, hey, hey, I'm back. It's something for you to think about.

Many many people think because a person does not hit them physically assault.

Them, that it's not abuse. You heard me.

Many people think that because it's hands free abuse, that it's not abuse. The baby, I'm here to tell you, it is abuse. So many people do not understand it. They think, oh, well, he didn't do this or she didn't do that. They don't think it's abuse. A person don't have to physically hit you. It's called my definition, hands free abuse, but they tear you up mentally, emotionally, verbally, and that can be just as bad as hitting you.

Hands free abuse.

There are many people who are in hands free abuse relationships and they think.

It's not abuse.

People who think like that do not understand their worth. So often people lose confidence. Some people never had it. They lack confidence in self, no belief in self, have no faith in self because they chose to empower the person that they're with. Some people are so mentally weak that they empower individuals that are around them. They let people just totally treat them any kind of way. And guess what, if you've listened to my podcast, you know in many episodes. I tell you people treat you how

Some of you lose your.

Children, you lose your friends, you lose your family because you want to stay with that individual, and you will choose that person over your loved ones.

Over your children, over your family, over your friends.

You will choose that abusive person because you think you love that person.

But it's clear.

People who are this way have no clue what love is.

None, and neither of you.

The person who's abusing you, they don't know what love is either, because if they did, they.

Definitely wouldn't be doing any of what they're doing. Abuse has nothing to do with love.

It's about control and possession and being obsessive over you.

It has nothing to do with love or being in love with you. It's about control. Some of you are miserable.

Right now as I speak, as you hear my voice, you are miserable because you are in those hands free relationships, just being controlled. They talk about you, they make you cry, they put you down, they do everything negative to you and you still think you love them, you still want to be in a relationship with them. That's because you don't love yourself. And that would challenge anyone, because there's no way a person loves his or herself and they

You're drained. People around you see it.

They see the change in you see people when they're under distress and they're going through a lot of negativity. They don't understand that they change for the worst, especially people who are already vulngal and going through things, already got a lot of issues unresolved going on inside. They get with individuals who are of like minds, and all those individuals do is bring all of their drama.

All of their pain, all of their.

Negativity into your life and make your life worse. I've told you many times.

The person that you're with is so supposed.

To enhance your life, not make you struggle more, not bring you down, not make you more stress. They should enhance your life for the battom. But when you don't love yourself, all you're looking for is love, but you never receive it because the person that you choose to be with don't love his or herself. They don't understand love either. That's why they treat you the way they treat you, and that's why you allow them to.

Some of you are so belentled.

You're called ugly, you're called fat, you're called untalented, you're called dumb, you're called stupid, you're called every single thing negative.

Yet you still think you love that person. It's just it's so so sad.

It's so sad that people subject themselves to this type of treatment. The person is only doing it to you because you have empowered them too. You've empowered them. Let me, let me tell you, a person is not going to treat you in any way other than how you have allowed. When you sit there and you take it, you only empower them, and they talk about you like a dog. They treat you like a dog in front of people and behind closed doors, and you still want to be with that person.

You need to look at yourself.

Look at yourself and figure out why what are you doing to yourself?

Why do you not love yourself?

Why do you feel that this person is so good to you when clearly they are not.

They're calling you.

Names, You're stressed out, you can't sleep, you're depressed, you have anxiety, all types of things because of the stress in your life. Yet you still want to be with that person because you have nothing to call your own. Most times, that's the issue, that's the reason. Rather people have nothing to call their own, so they would rather stay in an abusive relationship than to move on and start over. But that's because you don't love yourself.

There is no way.

No one on the face of the earth can ever convince me that they love themselves if they are allowing themselves to be treated badly by anyone.

You don't. You can't.

There's no way, There is no way. But a lot of people are dealing with this. A lot of people are so broken they can't even think for themselves.

What the person says to.

Them, calling them out of their names and being very negative to them. The things they say, they believe it. They believe they're worthless. People be believe in those things. They believe those negative things because because that person has a grip on them, they have a hold on them.

And they know it because you empower them.

You show them your vulnerabilities and now they are using it against you. And some of you think you are so in love with that person, but it's not love. And I've told you many times in many episodes how manipulators they know their manipulators, liars and deceivers.

They know it, but.

They become masters because you empower them to.

You empower them.

When you let them say whatever they want to say to you. Verbally abuse you, emotional abuse you, mentally abuse you hands free. Hands free abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. You still have scars and wounds, they're just not from physical assault, and they last a long time, especially when you have no coping mechanism.

That's why I tell you all of the time.

You must love and know yourself before you get into a relationship with anyone. And it's always best to have your own because when you don't have your own, that alone gives whoever you're with the upper hand or you they feel that they can talk to you any kind of way. They feel they can, they can treat you any kind of way because.

You don't have anything. Everything is theirs.

People make such a huge mistake or let me say bad choice, because it's not a mistake, bad bad choices and decisions.

When they get with people.

Who have their own and you don't have yours, people treat you differently. It's not like a person, Oh, I love you so much, I'm so in love with you.

Whatever I have is yours. That's not normally the case.

People use and abuse, They manipulate, they take advantage because they know you don't have your own. And people subject themselves to such cruelty thinking it's love because you get those little nipples and nuggets that I talk about, you know, just a little bit of showing you some form of what you perceive as love. They show you a little bit here and there, enough to make you feel good and make you smile before they subject you to hands free abuse.

Again.

People do it all the time because they're master manipulators and they know they have the upper hand on you. They see your vulnerability, they see your weakness, but you don't see theirs. People who do that are weak individuals. You empower them. Many people are in such toxic relationships

That the verbal.

And the emotional and mental things that you're going through are not abused.

It is abuse.

It still is a form of abuse that I call hands free. Some of you need to sit down, get you a piece of paper, and you write the pros and the comes of your relationships, or the good and the bad of you your relationships, and be honest with yourself.

What do you see. There's no way the good is going to outweigh the bad.

There's no way when you're receiving emotional and mental and verbal abuse, No way when you subject yourself to that. It shows what you think about yourself. You don't think you're worthy. You don't know your worth or your value. You just don't know it.

You just don't.

A lot of people think they know. A lot of people think they're wise. A lot of people think they're strong. A lot of people think they have it together. A lot of people think they are mature in all.

The above is a no, they're not.

I've always told you, if you want to know the truth about yourself, look at your situation.

What are you allowing in your life life? How are you allowing.

People to treat you, especially the ones who supposedly are in love with you. How are they treating you? A person who is in love with you is not going to abuse you in no kind of way at all.

They're not.

So you have to look at what you are subjecting yourself to, what you allow people to do to you, how you allow people to talk to you. I know people want love so bad, they're so desperate for love, but what you get.

Is not love at all. It is not love.

It is abuse and being taken for granted, used, That's what it is. Manipulators do their job. They make you think they love you, but they don't if they're abusing you, because it's not love. It's hands free abuse, and many many people go through this. Many people subject themselves to hands free abuse.

There is no way.

Now. I've told you early on that I was in an abusive relationship when I was young, in my late teens.

I got married early. I didn't know any better.

But baby, I grew up fast and I got out of it. I literally ran away, escaped from a whole different country. No, Lie, I did what I had to do, and I never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever looked back.

Mm hmm.

No, I was never going back for more. I learned a great lesson and that was it, because I know, even going through my own personal situation, I fought back. I fought back, but I was a little something. But I still fall back. I've always been, you know, a little rough around the collar when it comes to physical.

But I realized I don't want this for myself. I deserve better than this.

And yes, I literally escaped, never looked back. People do to you what you allow. I could have sat there for years and years, taken all of that abuse, or end up doing something crazy to protect myself.

None of it is worth it. None it. And any person who.

Is enduring abuse, you deserve better. You deserve much better than that. I've always also told you that we create the monsters in our lives.

We create monsters.

By allowing them to treat us badly, talking to us badly, doing whatever they want to do to us. That's how you create monsters. In your lives. People do it all the time. But when you know better, you should do better. But a lot of people don't learn from their previous experiences. They just go right on into a new relationship, carrying the same baggage mindset and end up going through similar or worse abuses. Abuse. There's no other way to slice it up, clean it up.

Abuse is abused, and you.

Can be abused verbally, emotionally, mentally that has no physical contact, but it's just as horrific.

Because it messes people up mentally. It scars people mentally. But people only do to you what you allow. See a lot of times people are like, well they never hit me, I don't fear them hitting me. You're broken because you're making excuses. You're making it seem like it's okay because they haven't hit you. They've done everything else. It's still abuse. So again I would say, anybody who subject themselves to it, you have to look at yourself. You have to take a look at yourself. I did,

But I learned Hey, uh no, I deserve better.

Than this, and I made moves.

To get out of there, and I did and I never looked back.

You know, sometimes it's scary starting over, but hey, it's better to start over than to end up dead or in prison because you have to murder and self defense, or you done lost your mind because you're so stressed out and strained, or you kill yourself because you think that's your only way out. Come on, No, no, no, no, no no. No one has to subject themselves to it.

Once you understand that, you will.

Never allow anyone to mistreat you again.

I want you to think about this. I want you to replay this episode over and over and over until you get it. You deserve better.

It is not love. If abuse is a part of it, it is not love. And you don't love yourself, and you're not wise.

You just think you.

Are because a wise person wouldn't take that, A person who loved themselves wouldn't take it.

Because a person treats you how you allow.

And instead of internalizing it and bringing all of the negativity into yourself as if you are the problem. No, you have to understand that you are allowing this in your life. But you're better than that, and you deserve better than that. Don't internalize it and make you hate yourself more. No, love yourself and know that you deserve better. Know you worth more than being abused. Hands free abuse is still abused. I'm leaving it right there. Thank you

That's tearing them up mentally and emotionally. Thank you for listening.

Much much much love to each and every one of you. They're only gonna do to you what you are allowing them to do. Some people are in relationships and there you are fearful. But that's what abuses do. They instill fear. They want you to be fearful. Whatever you allow is what you're gonna get. I love you all so much. Please reach out to me anytime. Share this episode. I end all episodes the same, and I hope that God knows. I pray you do it.

Thank on it