Episode 609 Relationships and Boundaries

Hey, hey, hey, I'm bad with something for you to think about. I hope everyone is doing well today wherever you are in this world.

I appreciate you stopping by listen today.

I want to talk about something I heard a prominent individual say on their podcast.

I heard this individual say that.

With your relationship is off. With the person that you care about, everything else is off. I don't agree with that to me in my opinion. In my opinion, people they talk to be heard, they say the things they say because they don't know any better.

Just because you're a prominent person don't mean you know everything. It does not.

Just because you have a lot of money that people have put you up on pedestals does not mean you know everything.

And I found.

That a lot of times people give bad information, period They give bad information, but some people will believe anything because of the person who's saying it, and they're a prominent person for some reason, people just believe it.

And the things that they say is just off.

They're not correct. Anyways, I'm not gonna get all off a mat back to the subject. One thing I've learned in life is you do not invest all of you into someone else. You just cannot do it. I don't care who it is. I don't care if it's your child, if it's your mom, your dad, your siblings, your significant other.

I don't care who it is.

You cannot do it. What I mean so there's no misunderstanding. What I mean is, yes, you love them and you.

Care about them.

And for significant significant others, you're in love with them.

You should be a lot of people not. But I'm just saying, but.

You have to have boundaries for yourself, for your own mental SA.

You have to have boundaries against all people.

And it's clear when people don't have boundaries, because they lose their minds, they do the unthinkable. Some people have breakdowns, some people commit suicide, some.

People even commit homicide. People become depressed.

I mean, just so many things because they were so.

Into the other person.

They were so sold out to that other person, but not to themselves. And I'm just saying my belief because I've told you many times that I've gone through some things, some traumatic things, and I'm one thing I'll probably was no probably, I'll deal with it for the rest of my life. There's no change in it. It is what it is, horrible as it is. I can't change it, so I have to live with it.

But for me, I have.

Learned how to lean and depend on God. That's the only way I can make it. I'm speaking for myself, that's the only way I can make it. I don't look at people, I don't care who they are, and just give everything.

Of me to that person.

I love my children, grandchildren, my friends, my families, my coworkers. I mean with.

A pure heart.

But what I'm saying is I just don't let people get to me in that way. People or things.

I just don't. I just don't give people my power.

Giving people your power leaves you powerless.

It causes so many issues in your life, so many issues, see, because you lose focus because.

That individual.

Is what's most important to you, even more important than yourself.

So for me, I don't agree with that.

If you're in a relationship with someone, whether it's a friendhip or whatever it is, and something has gone on between you and another person, if you're so distraught over that that you cannot function, the issue isn't what's going on.

In the relationship. The issue.

The real issue is what's going on inside of you. That's the real issue. I already know, some people say, oh, she's cold, and you know this is that that's not true.

Anybody knows me.

No, I'm giving, I'm loving, I'm caring, I'm sharing on all of that.

But I just don't give people my power.

I have to live my life and I have to live my life in peace. I can't do that if I'm so caught up in someone else that I allow.

Them to take my peace. Won't do it.

But this permanent person was making emphasis on relationships and how they can cause you a bad day. They can cause you a lot of grief in your life when they're off, and that means when something is going on. But I don't agree with that. I just don't now for many people that's true. I mean it is because of the mindsets people have. I've told you many times. Being grown does not mean you're mentally mature.

It not.

Most people are not. They are not.

They think they are, but they are not. The Only way you become mentally mature.

Is by growing and learning from your experiences.

The only way you become mentally mature is by allowing healing in your life, becoming a better person, loving yourself, knowing yourself, and all of that helps you to grow and to develop into a person who is mentally mature.

You become batter.

A lot of people haven't, and they are.

Older than me. A lot of people.

A lot of people have gone to their graves the same exact way, living their lives the same exact way, right into the graves.

No mental peace, so busy being.

Caught up in other people that you don't even allow healing in your own life.

That's the world we live in.

People care about everyone, in everything other than self. And that's why we see what we see in the people around us, and not necessarily just around us. But you hear about you see it on TV, you hear it on the news. Because people make everyone more important than self. People make everything more important than self, being successful, getting recognition and validation from other people.

It's more important, chasing money, chasing love. It is more important. And all it does is.

Stressed I mean, completely stresses people out.

I mean people cannot see what they do to themselves.

So I wanted to talk about it because, as I said a couple of times, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with no one in my life taking my power. I just don't now if I have an issue. Of course I am going to address that, But for it to drive me insane or to the edge, No, it's not happening. It's not happening. And I do believe wholeheartedly that when you're in a relationship with someone you

But to allow.

That person to cause me to do wrong, break the law, lose my mind.

Become depressed, suicidal? What never?

Is it?

Never? Never? Say never?

Oh?

I say never because I'm not giving no one that power over me.

I'm not. And a lot of things in life hurt. The people you love the most are the ones who hurt you the most a lot of times. But it is you who determines how a person affects your life.

It is you who determine that. But if you give your power.

To that individual, you have given them the power to dictate that in your life. Because, like I said, when you give up your power, it makes you powerless. Just think about that. See a lot of people, most people don't understand love because they don't love themselves. They don't know what it is, so they open themselves up to other people and they allow people to come into their lives and cause them to feel a certain type of way.

That's given your power. If your relationship.

Is on the edge or you're going through something, hey, that's.

A part of life.

People treat you how you.

You have taught them to treat you. That's how you're gonna be treated. Whatever you accept and allowed, that's what you're going to get, not sometimes all of the time, because you are the one who talks that individual how they can treat you. That's why I tell you, why are you crying over someone who don't even want you? Make that make sense?

It does not. Why are you losing your mind over someone who's.

Not even thinking about you? You losing your mind over someone who is not even thinking about you.

They're not the problem. You are the problem.

Your mindset is your worst enemy.

I'm just telling you the truth.

So if something is going wrong in your relationship, hey, you don't vow out by breaking down and losing your mind. You work on it. If it don't work, hey, life goes on. I'm not going to let anything disrupt me and make me dysfunctional. You know, when my mom passed away, I didn't miswork, and it wasn't because oh I just get miss work.

What was the purpose?

I took my computer and I tell her worked at my mom's house while she was sick. I tell her work because I have a lot of siblings, so it was enough of us where I could do that.

Took my computer, tell the work, still took care of mom because I was in the mental.

You know, the frame of mind to be able to do that. And I mean it was devastating, It really was. I told you before about how I felt when my mom first passed, and then if you haven't heard it, go back.

And listen to other episodes. It was the worst thing ever.

I was like, how do you go on without your mom? But I quickly figured it out, either you go on or life will pass you by. And I have a sister because she is still struggling very much so, and I told her today, Hey.

They got room for you next.

To Mom if that's where you want to be, because you gotta move on.

And that's not being cruel, it's the truth. You got to move on.

I told her, you will never forget her, We will never forgive her. We will love her until our dying days. But life goes on. And it's not trying to tell anybody how to feel, or how to griethe or anything like that.

She was my mom too. A matter of fact, I'm a year older than her.

I'm just saying, life don't stop because you have a tragedy.

It don't stop, nor do it slow down. People have literally broken down. When I say broken down, I mean had nervous breakdowns because they give so much power, so much power to people, and our mom is gone.

She's never coming back. So we have to move on.

And it's in any relationship. It does not matter who it is. If you're having problems, work them out. If you can't work them out, life goes on. You have to live so you can have peace. You can't have peace when you give up your power. You just can't. It does not mean that you don't feel, you don't love, you don't cry, you don't want.

Hurt, You do all of that, but you move on.

And I've had death and lost since my mother, my grandson, aunts, I mean, plenty of family. You gotta move on because guess what, we're all leaving this world on some day somehow, every last.

One of us.

They didn't do anything special. It's a journey we all must take. We all going to take. No one is except no one.

So I'm speaking as far as death, separation, divorce, break up, It don't matter.

Life goes on and you get through it according to the mindset you have. See a lot of people. They're not on that mental maturity. You know, they're not on that level. Therefore they have such a hard time going through and getting through situations because of the mindsets that they have getting into whatever their storms are. You have to get to a place in life if you are mental peace.

You have to get to.

A place in life where you love you enough not to give your power to no one.

The only bowing I do is on my knees to my God in prayer.

No man, no woman, no boy, no girl. And I know, I know, well that's you, Cherry. I get that. But I'm trying to tell you if you want peace, you can't give up your power.

You just can't. When you give up your power, you're always focusing.

On something, not concerning your own life, but somebody else's always You're always focusing on something, and all it does is bring a lot of stress in your life. You have to love yourself enough not to put yourself through that. And like I said, you're gonna hurt, you're gonna cry, you're gonna do it all along the way, but.

You're gonna move on. You're gonna keep going. So it's up to you.

If you allow a person to cause you stagnation, it's up to you.

If you allow a person to cause you to not be.

Able to function in your life, that is only up to you.

If that's what you choose, that's what you wanna get. If you can move on and you stay there, you're making.

It bad for yourself. And I'm telling you this out of love. With love, whoever you give your power to, you lose it. Whatever you give your power to, you lose it. And that's all I'm saying, and I'm leaving it right there. Thank you for listening. Much much much love to each and every one of you. If you have something that's say, hey, reach out to me. And if you feel I'm wrong or you don't like what I said, we can talk about it. We can talk about it. But I know what I'm talking about. So