Hey, hey, hey, I'm back with something for you to think about. I had to find myself. Let that sink in. I had to find myself. A lot of people get to that point in life where they've gone through so much trauma in their relationships that they finally think about self. Self begin to matter, They realize the crap that they've been taken, the crap they've been allowing, the crap they've been enduring, and finally they get to a point of saying, I had to find myself. This is the
reason. And I tell you you need to find yourself first. You need to find yourself first before you get in a relationship with anyone. You need to make sure you know yourself. Figure you out first. It will save you so much trauma in your life. I promise you, I guarantee you, and I challenge you, you, you, and you to find yourself first. So many people, so many are seeking love. They're chasting after love, but they don't love self. They don't know what love is.
So people get into relationships, no foundations, none. They get into relationships chasing sex, looks, money, material things, people's titles and positions, everything but the right thing. You get into these relationships. You get into these situations with individuals who have the same like mind as yours, are worse that person, who is that? Or worse person? Oh my goodness,
you have gotten yourself into something. You've gotten yourself into something bad, very very unhealthy, very very just bad, and you will feel the effects. People get to the point of I have to find myself because people give up so much trying to satisfy, please, appease they're significant other that they lose sight of who they are as an individual. You lose sight of self because you're so focused on trying to make your significant other happy. I've talked about
it plenty of times. You get with someone and you forget about yourself. All you want to do is make him happy or make her happy. You do things you don't want to do, You allow and accept things you don't want to, allowing yourself all in the name of what you think is love. True love, you wouldn't have to do all of that foolishness. You wouldn't have to go along with some of the crap people go along with in true love. That's why I tell you people don't know what love is.
If you don't know what it is you don't know what it is, and therefore you will do anything or almost anything. Some people will do anything. You're out there finding yourself on drugs. You allow your significant other to put your own drugs. I've talked about it before. You think that's love, that's not love. It's not love at all. You allow them to get you into criminal situations where you've committed crimes. I mean, people are doing
such foolishness in the name of love. Some people finally get to a point in life where they can see what they're doing and they finally real lies. Oh my goodness, I can't do this anymore. Thank god, Thank god. People. Some people get to that point, but most don't. Some people they get into relationships, they stay in those relationships for their friends and family because they want everybody happy. They want people to think that their relationship
is so great. They don't want to seem like a failure. It doesn't mean you're a failure if your relationship don't work. It is so very important, I mean super uper important. I know that's not a word before anyone says anything, not in this contact anyway. But people they get to a point in life where they can't see they're blind. But it's so so important that you find yourself first. That's why I talk to you all of the
time about looking at you, facing you in the mirror. If you can't do that, that's a problem because because you should be able to do that. If you can't face yourself, you definitely have issues you need to resolve. Face yourself, deal with whatever. Stop blaming other people for whom you have chosen to become. You don't have to choose drugs and alcohol because your significant other is doing it. You don't have to choose to commit a crime
because they are doing it. You don't have to choose anything that's wrong or bad for you because of a significant other that's not the right person for you. Some of you get into these relationships and you know, you know, you have a sense that it's not the right person for you. But because you want to please your mom's, your dads, your other family members and friends, you don't want to disappoint anybody while you're disappointing yourself the whole time.
It don't make sense, But see, you can't. You cannot grasps that, you cannot understand that, you cannot comprehend it because of your mindset. You want what you want, you feel how you feel, you thinking, how you're thinking, and it don't matter what's right in your face. You still want what you want and who you want. Then some of you are in high positions. You're struggling in your relationship, You're not happy. Then you get to a point you don't care who you are, what position
you're in, celebrity or non celebrity. You get to a point where you cannot handle it anymore, and you know if you don't leave, something really, really bad may happen. Because you're at that point where you just can't handle it anymore. It's too much. You've completely lost yourself. Some of you have opened yourself up to allowing your significant other to repeatedly cheat on you
because you love that person so much. You think that's the way to love him or her by giving them that pass to do it, But it's not. That is not the proper way to love of anyone. Some of you are treated like crap behind closed doors. Then you get around people and you act as if you have the best relationship ever, faking and pretending. I've told you over and over it does nothing to help you. It does not
make your life better. It doesn't. It keeps you right in the same state of mind that you're in, that negative place so many people are in these types of relationships. You've totally lost a sense of who you are. You've given everything to your significant other. You've got nothing in return, but you kept giving. You kept giving, You kept giving because you was hoping,
praying and wishing that he or she would change. The whole time you was losing a sense of yourself, and the whole time, you are the one who should have changed for you. You know, it just never ever ceased to amaze me. When people say I left because I had to find myself, you act as if, oh, you're doing something that's wow, she has to find herself for he has to find himself. You should have done that before you got into the relationship. I'm just telling you like it
is. You should have done that before you got into the relationship. Granted, it's wonderful, thank God that you did get to that place, but don't think you've done something just something that's just totally unbelievable. You've done what you should have done in the beginning. You went backwards. You did it
backwards, and I'm not putting anyone down for doing that. I'm just saying you could have saved yourself a lot of headache, a lot of heartaches if you do it from the start, because if you do it from the start,
it's gonna prevent you from getting into bad relationships with bad people. It's gonna prevent you from putting in all of your time and effort year after year after year for years with the wrong person if you do it from the start, Because if you do it from the start, you see things that a lot of people don't see it because they refuse to see it because of their hearts and minds. As I said, I'm not trying to come down on anyone who have gone through and they finally said I have to find myself or
I have to find myself. I'm not getting down on anyone for saying that. All I'm saying is you should have done that from the beginning. I've been there. I have been there myself. That's why I know I can say it. A lot of people have the mindset, well, let me experience you know this or that. I mean to me, that's ignorant, that's definitely immaturity, because why would you want to go through something when people telling you a better way, but some people just want to graduate from the
school of hard knocks. Then let me tell you, you will have many, many, I'm teen chances of knocking your head up against that brick wall when you get into relationship with the wrong person or an individual who have a like mind. I'm telling you you're gonna go through some drama when that mindset is negative. You and that comfortable and familiar state, Oh, you're gonna go through some drama. You are guaranteed to go through some drama. Definitely.
Can people change, Absolutely, I don't care how far down the rabbit hole you are. You can change, but you have to want to. People can do whatever they choose used to do. You just have to want to do it. You have to want to do it. I want it for you. Other people want it for you, but you have to want it for yourself. Never stay in a relationship because of other people. I don't care who they are. Never, when you're going through misery, you
are self inflicting that pain upon yourself. I'm sorry, I have to tell you the truth. It's self inflicted. Anytime you take it, you go alone. You allow an accept you are self inflicting pain upon yourself because you're the one who's allowing it in your life. People do it for many reasons, a plethora of reasons, but they're all wrong and they only amount up to excuses. People make all types of excuses because remain where they are,
even though where they are is a bad place. You know it's a bad place, but you want to stay there because you want this person to change so much. You're believing they are changed. You love them so much. But you don't know what love is. Obviously, you don't know what love is if you're taking that, if you're going through that, you don't know anyone who's listening to the sound of my voice right now, and you're going
through foolishness, unnecessary drama. You don't love yourself and you don't know what love is. I'm standing on it. I'm standing on it. There is no way you love yourself and going through unnecessary drama. There's no way you love yourself and you're inflicting self self. Listen to the word self inflicted pain. You do it to yourself when you allow it and accepted because you know,
I always talk about creating those musters in your life. You created it when you let your significant other treat you like crap and you go along with it, You allow and accepted. All you do is cry and complain, but you still allow and accepted. You created that muster. You created him to be a muster, You creating her to be a muster in your life. Some of you go and go and go and go and go until you
get to that place of needing to find yourself. And that's wonderful. That's wonderful because some people they rather kill themselves them to remain where they are in their relationships. That's crazy, but that's the mindset of people. Some people get to that point instead of getting out walking away, they're so stressed out that they would rather harm self or kill self. You have people who think like that because they're being mistreated. They love this person so much and he's
dogging her or she's dogging him. Please, no one is worth it. If people don't love you enough to treat you right, why shadow tear over them? Why want to hurt yourself? Why want to hurt them? No, it's not worth it. They are not worth it. So please, please, please, please find yourself. From the beginning, I tell people all of the time. Get to know yourself. Deal with your unresolved hurts and pain. Deal with that you can't change it, deal with it,
accept that it has happened, and move on in your life. Let it go forgive move on. You're stuck where you're act mentally because you've given power to those memories. You keep forming those thoughts in your mind, so you've given power to those memories. The more power you give to the memories, the more power for the thoughts are and you develop those feelings that I always tell you about. Now you're walking around still angry, still mad, still
sad. Then you get into relationships with people who think like you. They have their own unresolved issues. Now you're in a mess because they're about self satisfaction. Although you're about satisfying them. They are about self satisfaction, which don't involve satisfying you. Now you're in a bad situation. But you're trying and trying and trying and trying and trying to make it work. But you can't. You cannot make a relationship work on your own. It takes two
people. It's a must. But so many people spend so many years of their lives so many years of their lives in the same mental space. You've heard me say. People accomplish great things. Many people have, They have accomplished great things, but internally they are still in the same place suffering. A lot of people are suffering, but they're putting on that smile, pretending everything is okay when it's not. You're never gonna become better if you continue
to do that. I don't care what you accomplish, who you become. If you still have that unhealed area inside of you, it's going to affect your life in some kind of way. You're going to have problems in your relationships, guaranteed. Guaranteed, many are going to lose self in their relationships. Many, many people right now listening to the sound of my voice have lost self. If you haven't lost yourself a sense of who you are, you know someone who has. You do it to yourself. You may not
realize it, but you're doing it to yourself. Anytime you allow yourself to be drained mentally and physically. You're giving everything, every single thing you can to your significant other and what you get in return is a big nothing. But you still trying because you love him or you love her until you're so pushed up against the wall. Now you can't take it anymore. It's time to do something. You have to find yourself. You went through all of
that to find yourself. Now you learn the valuable lesson. People who get to that point, they are the ones who learn. They're the ones who learned. People that go relationship ship hopping. If you jump from one relationship to one relationship to another immediately after break up, you're not learning anything. You will undoubtedly find yourself right back in the situation again because you haven't had time to heal and process and none of that before you write into another relationship
enduring similar drama. That's just the nature of the beast on the wheel. That's just the way it is. So finding yourself is absolutely wonderful. But I just hope and pray people find themselves before they get into the relationship, before they have to go through all of the toxicity and the drama and the hurt and the pain and the headaches and the heartaches. Find yourself first, deal with you in your unresolved issues. I guarantee you you will never find
yourself in such relationship. Because your eyes open, they open, you see who people really are and not that person they pretend to be. You see that person, but you definitely see deeper to who they really are. Because all it takes is observation. People are going to show you who they really are in some form or another, sooner or later. All you have to do is just be able to see it. I guarantee you, I promise
you. You just have to be able to see it. Unfortunately, a lot of people are in mindset where they can't because of their hearts, in their minds, because of that internal part of who they are that's unhealed. It interferes with how you think. It interferes with how you see things. It interferes with how you perceive things. It interferes with your thought processes, it interferes with your feelings. Everything is distorted because you're seeing it through negative
eyes. You're seeing it through negativity of the hearts and minds because it's coming from an unhealed place inside of you. So you're getting relationships there's no trust, or you just suffering because you're always on edge and full of anxiety because you feel you gotta check his things. It's a check herrent thing. Come on, that's not a relationship not healthy, that's not good. Some of you have children together, but one of you are the ones who the one
who is always with the child or children. You're the one who's taking care of the child all the time, even though that the significant other, the parent, the other parent is right there in your drain mentally and physically. But you have to do it because the child can depend on the other parent. It's like that because that's what you allow. And I know some of you are saying when you can't make a grown person do anything, No,
you can't, but you sure can have consequences for their actions. You don't have to take it. That's what I'm talking about. So I want you to think about it. Whatever you're ending in your relationship, how did you contribute to it? How did you contribute to even if it's abuse, because all of it boards down to abuse. Mistreatment is abuse, regardless of how it is, regardless of the nature of it. How did you contribute? And I'm asking that question because I want you to think about it. How
did you contribute? If you allow and accepted anything that's negative from him or her, you contribute it to it. And I'm just leaving you with that ponder on that because we have to be accountable and responsible for our decisions, our choices, what we allow, what we'll accept in our lives from all people, not just your significant other. But I am specifically talk about significant others because people will ignore everyone else for as a significant other. And that's
what this episode is about significant others. Finding yourself because you've lost yourself in your relationship. I hope I said enough for someone to get it. I sure hope I did. If you have any questions, please reach out to me. Go to my podcast page. My email is there. I will respond. Thank you so much for listening. Much love to each and every one of you. Stay safe. Please share this episode. Also, if you have not heard my podcast, Relabable Life Chronicles, please check it out
and please share. Thank you again. You know I end every episode the same. If it's your first time here, please come back, listen to my other episode, listen to my upcoming episodes. Thank you again. Please share. I end every episode the same and I hope you do it. Thank on it