Hey, hey, Hey, I'm back.
I wanna talk to you today about shutting down. For a lot of people, shutting down is how they cope with whatever problem they're facing. But I'm here to tell you in your relationship, shutting down you may feel it's a good thing for you because that's what you're used to doing. Shutting down is not good for your relationship. It's not even good for you. So I want you to understand that if you want your relationship to work, work is what you're gonna have to do.
Work is what you're gonna have to do. So many people get into relationships and.
They do everything they possible to get into the relationship to get the person. But once they get the person, they don't realize the same thing it took to get them it's the same thing that's gonna take to keep them. But unfortunately, a lot of people get the person and then they become so comfortable and complacent in their relationship they start taking the person for granted. They stop doing the things that they used to do, and when they're confronted, they want to shut down.
They don't want to talk about it.
They want to run away, they want to walk away. They don't want to have any communication that only sinks your relationship either even.
Further, it takes away.
So if you want of those individuals who like shutting down, I want you to understand that you're shutting your significant other out.
And that's exactly how they feel.
They feel that you're shutting them out when you shut down, and it's because a lot of people just haven't learned how to communicate. Yes, we communicate in a lot of different ways, but I'm speaking verbally.
It's a very, very very important part of any relationship. Any If you don't know how to communicate, well, you're gonna have problems. If shutting down is what you're used to doing to protect yourself, you're gonna have problems.
Because it's not a good thing for you or the relationship. Individuals who say they love each other and they want to be together must understand that communication is key. It is very vital. It is super important. If you don't communicate, I'm telling you, your relationship is gonna fall by the wayside. A lot of people are in relationships not communicating. They
thought it was important to communicate when they first got together. Unfortunately, some people communicate through sex, but when you're not verbally communicating and the sex begin to get old. Oh my goodness, you have problems because communication is key. You should have been communicating from the start from the start, and if you don't know how to communicate effectively. There are so many resources out there about communication, but I feel personally
that communication starts with knowing and loving yourself. Many people, people that you see every day, whether it's in person, on TV, or whatever.
Many people you see every day.
Notice I didn't say that you know, but people that you see every day, many of them do not love self.
Most people. I mean, I know that's.
Like, okay, Cherry, you going too far to say most people, But I still sticking stay with that. Most people do not love themselves because most people do not take the time to get to know self. They don't take the time to get to love self because they're too busy seeking it in other people, in things. Because so many people believe that possessions, you know, things that they have, money,
same fortune, all of those things. They believe that those things will make them happy until they find out that they don't. You have to love yourself, know yourself, and when you do that, it changes how you see yourself and how you see other people, how you communicate with other people.
It starts with you. So learning how to communicate.
Is key, It really really is, because it not only helps in your relationships, it helps.
You know wherever you go, whenever you're involved with people.
I cannot even begin to count the amount of people I've ran into in my lifetime who do not know how to communicate, who are so insecure, people that sometimes you say anything, the slightest thing, they're offended. They're offended because people don't know how to communicate because people don't know themselves. So if you're one of those people who are shutting down in your relationships, you gotta do better.
You must do better because shutting down is gonna get you shut out.
I'm telling you for your own good, of course, it's gonna get you shut out. And if you really care about the person that you're with, you have to care about them enough to want to do better for the relationship. But most of all, you must want to do better for yourself. See a lot of people want to change for other people, but when you do that, that change.
Is not lasting. You have to change for yourself.
Be the best you can be for yourself, no one else, because when you are the best you can be for yourself, you're just that much better for someone else.
I mean, it's truth, It is truth, But so many people look outwards. We're in a new year.
It's time for a change.
It's time for a change people, because if.
You look around you, all around you, things are changing. Everything is changing, but you, and I mean in the positive because nothing negative over here. We're not embracing anything negative. I'm speaking positivity. You have to want it for yourself. You have to be mindful and aware of who you are.
I'm not talking about that fake person that imposters, because most people live their lives that way, hiding, faking, pretending, thinking they're doing whatever in secret, putting on a smile but hurting inside.
No, you have to deal with all of that.
You have to allow healing to take place, whatever that pain came from. You know. I tell my grandson, I say, listen, I'm gonna tell you what my mom told me, because I believe it. No one is better than you, and you're not better than anyone else. But you can whatever you want to be in this world as long as you have that positive mindset, love yourself no matter what, no matter who, love yourself. When people do you wrong, it's because they're hurt. It's no excuse. But what I'm
telling you is, don't let it hinder you. Don't let it hinder your growth. Don't take on someone else's pain and allow it to hinder your life. And you have to be encouraging to yourself. Don't look for other people to encourage you. I told him that, but I'm telling you too. Don't look for other people to encourage you. When you know you have an issue in your life,
like shutting down. When you know you have that as a part of you who you are, you have to willfully want to change because no one can do it for you. You don't have to willfully want to be better for yourself. So sometimes you have to encourage yourself.
You have to encourage yourself.
Yeah, it's great here in encouraging words from others, but you have to believe in your self and you have to motivate and encourage yourself because some people don't care. They don't care about you. Hey, if you don't care, they don't care. It's your life. So you have to love yourself and encourage yourself. And it's so important when you know that you have an issue, it's.
Crucial for you for your personal growth that you choose.
To deal with whatever it is that's inhibiting your growth. Because I've told you many times, people get old, they get old in their bodies, but they don't mature mentally.
And I mean people who.
Are well well, well well into age. They don't mature mentally because people don't take the time for self People don't take the time to self reflect. They're so busy chasing after other people to love them, to give them recognition and validation and things like that. When you love yourself and you know who you are, you're not searching and seeking things in other people.
You're just not.
You're okay with yourself. You love yourself, you know who you are.
But like I said, unfortunately a.
Lot of people so who you are. When you're that person who have not dealt with whatever ails you, you're gonna take those things into your relationships because it's a part of who you are. It's a part of you being that unhealed individual. So you're gonna take those things into your relationships. You're gonna take those insecurities into your relationship. And it's going to affect your relationship. When you don't know how to communicate, it's going to affect your relationship.
And shutting down is not the answer, But a lot of people do it because they don't like confrontation. Hey, there is nothing wrong with confrontation as long as it's positive.
You can't go through.
Life running from every situation because you don't want to.
Confront whatever the issues are.
You will never ever resolve anything that way. And as I said earlier, if you love who you're with, you have to want to do better in the relationship.
And communication is key. It is.
It absolutely is key. With doubt it, the relationship will fail. And I told you years ago, start out how you can hold out. My mom told me that too, start out, how you can hold out a lot of people get into relationships the wrong way for the wrong reasons. Oh she looked fine, He looked fine. I said it so many times. Fine is not gonna make your relationship work. Money is not gonna make your relationship work. Things are not gonna make your relationship work. Your relationship works because
you put in the work. Your relationship works because you are mature. She is mature. You are mature. As the man, and you know yourself, she know herself. You love yourself, she love herself, and most of all, the front.
The head God. And I know a lot of.
People don't believe, but if you don't believe in God, at least believe in yourself, your life won't be the best it can be. But it still can be pretty good, but it won't be the best it can be without God. That's my opinion. And you don't have to feel the way I feel or believe what I believe, but I do know that it's important to know and love yourself. Some of you get into relationships because you have gone through things and you never felt love, so you're just seeking love.
But you've been into so many.
Unhealthy relationships trying to find someone to love you.
Baby, you gotta love yourself.
You must love yourself first, because you'll be seeking high and low all your life for love. Some of you have children because you want to love something. You want something to love you. You know you want that individual to love you back. But it's really hard when you don't know what love is, When you don't understand love, when you don't love yourself, it's hard pouring into somebody else, especially when they don't know how to love you either because they don't love his or herself.
Some people say, oh, a child will make me better. Sometimes it does, but most times it's dun't.
Love start with you loving yourself, understanding yourself, knowing yourself, believing in yourself.
Despite of.
Despite of what you've gone through, despite of who you've.
Encountered in your life.
Because as long as you live, people are gonna bring negativity to you. If you open yourself up to it, they will bring it, they will dump it into your life. So that's why you have to be strong. You have to know yourself and love yourself to be that. Hey, whoa, whoa, You're.
Not going to do this to me.
Because we all know people do to us what we allow them to do. Whatever you open yourself up to is exactly what you're gonna get. So in your relationship, if you really love who you are with, the only way it's gonna work is you must love yourself first, deal with all your issues, and be who you are destined to be. I've heard people say, oh, I I just did not see this coming. He is just not the person that I thought he was, or she's not the person I thought she was.
Yeah, they are the people exactly who.
You involved yourself with. They showed you who they were. You were just not in the mindset to see it. You were not in the mindset to see it. Some people think individuals just change. We got together and they just changed. No, they are who they've always been.
You just missed it. That's why communication is key in a relationship. It really is.
You gotta get to know each other. You gotta ask those hard questions you You can't be insecure and in barns to communicate. That's how you get to know one another. Sex is not gonna do it because when that gets old, you have nothing else to fall back on. So many people in this world are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships. Many people are together and have been together for years and years, but they're unhappy, totally unhappy. But they stay
because of their own insecurities. They make up all the excuses in the world. I'm staying because of the kids.
The kids are grown, they're all grown.
No, you're staying for yourself because of your insecurity. You're afraid to be alone. You're afraid to start over. That's why you stay. You rather be somewhere miserable, unhappy, unloved, untouched in all of those things versus being by yourself because you don't like being alone, you don't like yourself, you don't love yourself because if you did, you could be by yourself.
A lot of people can't.
And that's just the painful truth. It's the painful truth. You can seek.
How and lowe so all you want.
It starts with you loving yourself, allowing healing to take place in your life, developing confidence, self esteem. Don't look for people to pour into you, pour into yourself.
Learn to communicate is a very vital part of your relationship.
You should be able to talk to your significant other about anything anything and not worry about him or her talking about you behind your back or telling someone what you have told them. You should be able to be comfortable and secure with who you're with, but a lot of you are not because.
You haven't developed that type of relationship. It takes communication.
Shutting down is not the answer, and if you are one of those people who do, then it's time for you.
To self reflect.
It's time for you to take a look at who you are and why you have allowed yourself to be that way for so long.
Because it is a problem.
That's a terrible feeling when you're trying to communicate and the other person has shut down, walked away, left, you know, completely left the conversation because they don't want to talk about it because they shut down. That's not how you communicate, that's not how you deal with any.
Situation in your relationship.
So this is just some information I wanted to put out because I know so many people are dealing with this. I know so many people are dealing with relationships where there's no communication taking place. It's hurtful, it's hurtful, but so many people settle for it.
Because that's what they have.
And insecurities will keep you in unhealthy places. So that's it. That's all I'm saying on this. Thank you for listening. Much much love to you. You, you and you in every episode the same. And I hope and I pray please think about it.
I want you to. I hope and I pray you do it. Think on it.