When Good Intentions Go Wrong: Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

I think it really is something that a lot of Californians , except for the heat , love about Austin Houston metropolitan . it is probably , if not number one , number two in the nation as far as diversity . Really , We'll talk about different ethnic groups .

everything is very from Mexico and very you've got Aztec and of course you've got the Alamo , it's a lot of that culture there . Beautiful city , yes , but it's more . I would say it's a tourist town , definitely . Really , there is a little bit of something for everyone in Texas . Yes , it's a nice state .

It's very hot and you still kind of deal with good old boy mentality in these little towns .

I have you on all these shows because I want to tap into that in your social worker that seems to live inside of you there . You know those social workers , man . They want to save the world . man I work with a couple . They want to save the earth man .

We've talked about this also in other ways , but we've never talked about it specifically . We've talked about this in ways where , when you would talk about past social work jobs you've had where you might just have that person that just won't say do right , for a better , lack of better phrase . They just can't seem to get on track .

no matter how much time and effort that you put into a person , i feel like you can only do so much for any person , whether it's a coworker or a friend of mine , a family member .

I feel the same about this across the board , because I feel like people are going to have to want something for themselves in order to get to certain places in life , even if it's something small . everybody maybe need help every now and then . I don't mind giving them help Where this has .

The reason this subject has come up for me is because I've had times in business where I didn't know if that really served everybody . right , when you're trying to extend so much emotional intelligence to one person , that's just not a great bit for any organization or something like that .

I'm pretty sure you've seen this from a leadership standpoint , where you might have a team , you may have a person and maybe even like the person , but they're not necessarily great for the organization , for the team in general . You know what I mean . Stuff like that I'm going to ask you the basic question first , and then we'll kind of dig into specifics .

Do you think there's times when there's just too much emotional intelligence , or do you think there's times where that can go wrong ?

Because it would seem like from a profession that that's literally what the job is , right , you're there to work with certain elements of society and hopefully give them a boost in the areas that they need it . When did you know that it wasn't really working ? Like did they just stop showing up ? How did you know that a cause was so what of a lost cause ?

Because , you know , nobody ever wants to think anything . whether it's a task , a job , a person is a lost cause , but that doesn't mean that they don't exist . So how did you kind of like reconcile those two feelings with yourself when you were in that social work setting ?

well , you are dealing with human nature And they're real loves , which is all over the place , which is , yeah , it can be emotionally draining , especially when you're dealing with really really tough situations that are very , you know , just emotional , tough situations .

So people who get into the profession really have a passion for making a difference and for change , social change , and you know so , for me it was pretty early in my career and it didn't happen .

It happened because the clients that I was working with ended up , you know , just kind of like not taking any of the help and doing the total opposite and getting right back into a situation that I had worked , along with some other people , really , really hard to get her out of . And it was it changed .

It was personally and professionally eye-opening and hurtful , but I'm so glad that it happened and I had a really wise boss who kind of explained how , if I were to be successful in this field , how I needed to navigate through this field and what I needed to do , and it made perfect sense when he said that It was like an epiphany for me .

You know , like do you want to help one person and exhaust all of your energy and your resources and your time into this one person who you know ? you know , just like a bad relationship with the red flag .

And I had to decide right there , even though I will tell you I really still wanted to , you know , get that person who everyone else gave up on . But I had to professionally say , like , what is going to help more people , What is going to make a bigger impact ? And so that's what it was .

But I think , you know , just for my own personal reasons , being hurt and going through some things , it really is tough for me to not go for the person who everyone fit . Nope , There is no helping that And I refuse to get caught up in that . So , yeah , I slip .

And I don't feel like , even if you change jobs , that innate feeling goes away . I fight that innate feeling is still there . Maybe it's adjusted one way or the other , but I feel like it's still somewhat still there . Now you looked , you were also had people that you manage and stuff like this .

And I'm going to look at this from a leadership standpoint , because this is where I've seen it , maybe you can bring this up on the show is I've seen this go horribly wrong in leadership perspectives , in leadership and from a leadership perspective .

You can have people that you work with , and the way that I always look at this is I have to treat all of my teammates the same . After treating them same , hold them to the same standard . Anyway , i should say I'm not going to treat them the same because people who are better I'm going to treat better .

You know , i'm going to treat you kind of like how what your work dictates you should be treated . If one person's showing up on time or early all the time and they're out performing , i'm not going to treat them the same as the person who shows up late in his underperforming Like that doesn't make sense . But I'm going to treat them fairly though .

So they're all going to get treated fairly . I'm not going to play favorites or anything like that , so the playing favorite is kind of where I'm going to . So , yeah , let's say that you have a staff and let's say you have like 30 people on the staff and you have a couple of bad apples in there .

I've seen HR departments go above and beyond to accommodate the bad apples , even when they were being kind of like a cancer to the job . Like everybody else , they're bringing down morale . These people are always seem to have a reason to why they can't accomplish things .

When you have a sympathetic HR department that kind of lets that go for an extended period of time , at what point , laura , do you feel like it's not fair to the other people there , like how much help should you be extending to these people before ? you just got to pull the plug for the better of the team , so to speak .

Absolutely , you needed that person . You really did need that person . And then the other thing is people you know . There was a time where you were very conscious of the job you did . You gave it to a weak notice . People don't do that anymore .

Hr is not allowed to say that someone was not good or great , or only allowed to say when that person works there , maybe if they , you know , are rehireable . Yeah , people can sue their HR , And so I think they're very afraid of you know , litigation and going to court and saying that's your name , you know they treat people bad .

And now , of course , you know they made me work 41 hours , you know , and there's no work life balance . And so now you want to , you know you want to be that employer that is really . You know . We care about work life balance and PTO and things like that . So I think that is where HR kind of stands right now . They're very under-tyed .

But as far as supervising people and you've got that person or people who are not doing what they need to do it it there is nothing that runs a really great employee off like seeing employees who do bare minimum , get that , not get , you know , nothing happens .

And so , again , you have to say to yourself okay , you know , what's more important here Is it do I really need these , these people or person so bad that I'm willing to accept this , this , this , this ? And you really have to ask those tough questions And if not , like you really have to let them go . And , of course , you have to do it the right way .

But you know , which also means if I let you do this for a year and then all of a sudden I'm like listen , this is not working . And you're like you know they are like well , for 365 days it's been working . So you know it's tough , like I think you've got to knit that in the bud really really quickly .

Me too , and not let it go on If you can you know everybody's not able to do that , but if you can , yeah .

around , but what ends up happening is just like what you said it runs off other people

. So what do you end up doing is you keep one person , but then you who ? you don't know how many people you've ran off . You know , because a lot of people just quit and they don't really give you a real reason or anything like that . But they've complained about this person constantly to fellow co workers , you know .

But it just seems like management deaf ears on management and to a lot of times , from a management standpoint , they're not the ones having to directly to directly work with the people you know , so they can . It's easy for them to say an HR department to be like , hey , well , yeah , you just got to find a way to get along . You guys don't have to like .

Remember that , remember that phrase . You guys have to like each other . You just got to kind of find a way to get along . That's forget about that . Like you don't . You don't have to like each other , but that's , to me , just a way to sweep everything under the rug that a person does . You know . Of course you don't have to like .

I don't even think you have . That even goes . That goes without saying . Of course you don't have to like person , but a person should be forced to do at least 80% of the job that I'm doing because I'm getting we're getting paid similar .

So I don't want to come in and see a person who's just not carrying their weight but is still sitting at the same table as the rest of us who are and not being held accountable .

And I do believe that you have to be able to have a certain level of accountability from an organizational standpoint , to have a certain level of standard , because otherwise your standards will start to drop with there's no accountability .

If you don't care how people look , you don't care how they show up , if you don't care when they show up , these things will start to have an effect on people who are like Well , what am I doing at doing more of the work , because this person is is always late . I have to do more of the work for them . Maybe they have to leave early all the time .

Now , what about the personal issues ? Because you know some people will bring their personal into . Oh , i got a family issues , i got to pick up my kid , i got to do this , i got to do that . Is there a certain amount of emotional intelligence there that has to be nipped in the bud ? When is it your ? when is your personal life ?

your personal life versus what is professional ? How do you deal with that ?

Pretty much everyone that I supervise has children And I try to put myself in their place . One of the things that I do is I'm really big on planning . Like , if we plan things out and you've got to plan A , plan B , plan C , we can work things out right .

If you tell me three weeks in advance you've got this doctor's appointment for your child , the dentist appointment , you know we're good . If it's a soccer game , I will tell you leave early , But you have to make sure that everything is taken care of when you leave .

I really am not that person who says if someone has to take off and leave early every single day of the week , I would allow them as long as they have taken care of their business , As long as their work is done . I am not a micromanager .

But you really have to have your everything in order , like if you're going to leave early every day because you've got to go pick up your daughter , let's say , from school at 3 o'clock And you're supposed to stay there until 5 . Absolutely have no problem with that , but your stuff better be done Like .

Nothing can be lacking And I think people appreciate that too . It has given me loyal , loyal people .

I feel like I'm a little bit of both . I find I'm a little bit of both Because I think sometimes Well , I think it depends on the person , right ? Yeah , yeah , because sometimes you need to help . You need to help sometimes And life can be hard .

So I'm sympathetic to that . Like life can be hard , and if it's not an every single day thing , if it's not an every single one thing , and , like you said too , i give a lot of flexibility to my teammates who handle their business more so than my ones who don't , you get no flexibility . And the ones who do , you get extreme flexibility .

I'll let them , let me . They can just come up to me and say , hey , i need to go for whatever reason . If you're a hard worker , absolutely , absolutely , see , whatever you see , see you later . You got to take off time , whatever .

When people have to take off time for things , or maybe they're coming in later for things and stuff like that , you can accommodate that for your hard workers .

But I feel like your hard workers have put in that work already to set that table , so to speak , for themselves , so that when these things do happen , i'm going to give them more leeway , but at the same time , for people who aren't that way , from playing devil's advocate , i've had to figure it out myself , so I know what that means And I know that I'm not

going to look at people as if they're worse than I am . If I could figure it out , you could figure it out . So I do definitely get that point of view as well , and I'm sorry . I think you were about to say something . I cut you off .

She was trying to get her children back . Well , actually I can say that she was not . She was in a position to do that , but she really wasn't trying hard And she was just , when I tell you , royally screwing up . I'm talking feeling .

Oh , whoa , whoa , whoa , you're out of here , yeah , and so I'm giving well , because I know she's trying to get her kids back from CCS . I'm like listen , give it back . Let's write a letter , what happened ? Because I know . And the last thing she did I was just like you've got to go . And she was like but I won't get my kids back .

And I was like I don't think you really want to . Because everything that you're doing is counterproductive . Like I have given you , i have offered her she had to go to training And she was like , well , the bus doesn't go there And I'm like , ok , i was going to get you Like , those are the types of things that I do Well now , because you know .

And then I was like , OK , I get what is going . So , yeah , there are times where it is difficult , But you have to make that choice , And the things that you are not willing to correct , those are the things that other people in their eyes , you're willing to accept . Do you feel like there's like a line between ?

You know I've never depended on them to like to figure out how I was going to get there , because if you had told them that in an interview , they wouldn't have hired you .

If you had told them that in an interview some of the things that a lot of people asked for after they got the job if you had told the people that before they hired you , then they would look at other applicants , they would look at other candidates to see if they were a better fit than which you are .

And because I'm constantly thinking there's a better fit out there , you're probably taking up space for somebody else that we could hire and get in here . There is a certain amount of you need to be handling your own business like . I am very much on that .

We've come to talk about this before And I'm definitely harder on that sense of like you need to be handling your own business and I hold my listen . I hold my friend family to that own standard and myself to that own standard . I'm not holding people to a different standard than I hold myself loved ones to .

Is there such a thing as so much emotional intelligence that it becomes a crutch for people ?

I , admittedly , will do these things just because that's where I come from . I know what it's like to you know your car stop in the middle of the road and you're trying to catch the bus and you , well , i know what that's like and I've never forgotten that and that is why I go above and beyond and do things that really I probably shouldn't .

But on the flip side , no one should ever ask for a job to do those things or expect those things , and it really does . I think you can enable people and I think we as as a society I see us heading that way . I mean , i'm not saying what I do is right . I think I am not . That's not common , but you know , i can try all I want to .

That's just kind of in me .

So can I just come to the next orientation And you think like you have the audacity to like , And I don't know if we're not teaching them proper . I've had somebody come in or in an interview and sit in the style in the chair and talk about smoking weed .

So I make them feel very comfortable . But then they get really comfortable and I think okay , was that me , did I do that Or like did you hire any of these people ?

Okay , so are you gonna be able to pass the ?

Oh , oh , no , no , sir , and if we're having a problem , sure to have this . And I said no , you can't wear those jeans in an interview , like no , that's not appropriate , it doesn't look professional . You know you don't have to wear a tie , but no , i'm gonna wear some slack and a nice shirt .

So I don't know what , what we're , what we're teaching this generation , and then they show up to work late , don't call in . I don't know , reggie , i don't know it's , it's , it's different , it's different . This workforce is a little different than you know my age .

do you probably don't want to rock the jeans , and that's probably not the best time to do that , like some people are in unfortunate It's very unfortunate situations Where they lack the resources to have any kind of professional clothes , i told people to go to Goodwill and get a couple things at least , just to get through the interview and get your first couple

checks , but you know some people .

That , because I know , for me it's instant like if you're , i'm more of a person who You're gonna have to adhere to certain things , or I'm not gonna have credibility with my more harder-working Teammates . I'm not gonna have credibility with them if I'm letting you get away with murder , so I'm going to not have a very high bar for Taking care of these issues .

You know you got . If I see one or two of them , i'm gonna I'm gonna say necessarily Move to have you like fire , cuz it takes a lot for me to call for a person's job because some people just have bad days . So I'm not .

It takes a lot for me to do that , but I will definitely take steps to make sure that I'm seeing you less and to make sure that my teammates aren't as affected by you . But where is that for a person like you , though , cuz you're gonna go further . Now what it .

What are the signs that makes you finally cut somebody off from That type of help or that type of sympathy that you may be showing towards them ?

So That that's it for me . If , when you put forth no effort , then that it really is , you're begging me to stop putting forth effort .

Like the opposite side of me , i have no inner social worker in me whatsoever , so I like bringing on a person who's way more compassionate than I am to discuss these subjects , and I appreciate you taking some time out here , laura .