Referees make mistakes and that's a OK!!!

Okay, let's talk about the state of refereeing in the world today. I feel like in the Premier League and La Liga and even somewhat some level here in America with the MLS, it seems that the referee is more of a story post-match than the performance of the teams on the pitch. Now, those teams could have missed everything. 20 shots on goal, could be horrible in possession, passes all over the place, have committed some stupid fouls, given away legitimate penalties.

But if there's one call that subjectively or objectively the referee may have gotten wrong, or there's confusion about the call and why they made the call that they did, they are vilified. Off with their head. They need to be demoted. They should be fired. I want accountability. And this year in the PGMOL, the Premier League organizing body who manages the referees for the Premier League in England, they have demoted nine referees this year.

Nine. There's not that many Premier League center officials or even assistant referees or head VARs out there. So you're taking the best of the best you have. You're putting them in work conditions where every decision they make is going to be dissected and potentially lead to you losing your job. Losing your job for every single decision you make, especially every key match decision you make. Could you imagine working under those conditions? Could you imagine that?

Could you imagine that in your day job? So I work in marketing. Could you imagine that every single time I made a choice on copy for a social media post or for an advertisement or for an image picked for a brochure, that every single time that could mean I would be fired? Well, guess what? I wouldn't make, you know, good decisions for my company anymore. The brand would just be vanilla.

You wouldn't be able to differentiate it from anyone else because I could just be like, well, that's what the competitor does or something like that. Or, you know, I thought that was a safe choice. You know, safe never becomes number one unless you're selling safety products. But, you know, generally, you know, when you're trying to, you know, Be the best of anything. It requires you to make bold calls, bold decisions.

And oftentimes as a referee, we are asked to make unpopular decisions based on the laws of the game and our view of that play at that moment in time and have to take all these different considerations into account. But the way you become a better read You make those calls, you make those calls. Sometimes you get them perfect, sometimes you don't want to, but you learn and you move forward and you learn and you move forward.

And if you're a supporting environment with other people who can mentor you or could give you proper feedback, you'll calibrate and you'll get better over time and better over time. And I think that's really important. If you cannot work in an environment based on trust and support, it is going to be really hard for you to do your job. And I don't care if that's in a professional setting, in the corporate world, heck, even as a teacher.

If you're teaching a class, you want to feel that you've got support from your administration as well. If you're trying to keep classroom decorum or discipline or trying to teach a certain subject in maybe a little bit of a different way or a new way or something of that nature, you want to have that kind So I'm going to talk about mistakes today and I'm going to tell you some of my mistakes.

Just last weekend, this past Sunday, I should have given a yellow card for stopping a promising attack and I think this was like four minutes into the match. I wound up just giving a regular foul, but it should have been a yellow card for stopping a promising attack. And you're probably like, well, why didn't you give a yellow card for stopping a promising attack? Well, A couple reasons. Number one, I was in a really bad position on this play.

This team that I ref a number of games for, normally they play the ball on the ground. Very rarely do they go long and go up over the top. They had won the ball back in their own defensive half, and they started one or two short passes, and then all of a sudden they played a long, direct ball down. down the middle of the pitch. And I was caught flat-footed. I got to be honest. I'm on the other side of the halfway line. This ball was played up towards just outside of the penalty area.

And so I'm starting to book my way up there the best I can, but I've got people in between me. And the center back plays the ball back to the keeper, gets there before one of the attackers can get there. But as the attacker is about to run by him to close down the goalkeeper before the goalkeeper can play it, he trips him. And I was so far away from the play, a good 25 meters, I'd say, and I had a couple people in between me, I couldn't tell, wait, wait. Was that dog so? Was that a red card?

And so I look over, as I run up, I blow my whistle for the foul. I knew there was a foul. And I run up and I look at my AR and he's shaking his head at me like, no, no red card. And I'm like, okay. And then the coach is like, wasn't he the last man? Wasn't he the last man? And I'm like, uh... No. And the no in my head was no, it wasn't dog. So I knew that the defender played it back. You know, the keeper in my mind was going to pick up that ball momentarily. The attacker was nowhere near it.

So in my mind, I was, I knew that it was not a dog. So red card. I knew that like the conditions weren't there. I didn't have likelihood of control. Everything else was met number of defenders, distance direction, but I knew something was missing. And so I just said, No. And the coaches are very respectful at this club. They see me all the time. They know I know my business. So they didn't question me more than that.

But what I should have done before going to set up for that direct free kick was I should have gone over and talked to my assistant referee and said, okay, let's go through the considerations here. What did you see? Okay. Here's what I saw. Okay. What should be the correct restart? Okay. Okay, yes, it's not a red card, but it certainly is a yellow card for stopping a promising attack. And I should have awarded that yellow card. There's no reason to rush a restart. There's no reason.

You know, you can add time on your watch, okay, if you need to add time. And that's what I should have done. I should have stopped. I should have... took a moment. And even if it means that you're not confident, at least you're going to get the call right. I think coaches would rather you get the call right than make a mistake right there and not award a card that needed to be. And I could have walked over to the coach and said, hey guys, sorry it took me so long on that one.

I knew it wasn't a red card, but here's why it wasn't and here's why it should have been yellow and then moved on. And they would have been thrilled with that one. So shame on me for not making the better call. Shame on me for not being in the right position. Shame on me for not checking with my assistant referee before the Okay. Later in the game. So I made two mistakes in this game that I regret and I wish I had done better on later in the game. It's a corner kick.

Okay. And on the corner kick, the goalkeeper is going to parry the ball. So two hands parry the ball, deflect it to an attacker standing at, um, about four or five yards off of the rear post. Now, this attacker was not in an offside position. There was someone standing on the post, a defender on the post. It's not offside. The ball deflects off them what I think is, you know, in their upper body area and comes down and they score. So, you know, I didn't think anything of it.

His goal looked like for me. And so I looked over at my AR quickly. I didn't see anything. And then I, and again, I think I looked over at my AR. This is a real question. Like, did I look at him? I don't know, but I didn't notice anything. Nothing looked weird at this at all. I knew there, I think I glanced up just to make sure no one was offside, but that was it.

And then I start looking down and I, and I start, or I look at the guy and I start writing down the number and the minute and everything. And I'm like, oh good. And then all of a sudden I hear the coaches going, Hey, your ref, the ref is trying to get your attention. Just look at your assistant referee. And I look over my assistant referee. He doesn't have his flag up and he's just standing there. And then he kind of gives me the signal like, Hey man, come here. Like I got something to tell you.

And so And I think this is one of these things where referees, like in the videos, they tell you, raise your flag and wave it if you've got a foul. But in practical refereeing, if you actually speak to mentors or experienced refs, they would tell you, hey, you know, just try and get eye contact, call the ref over. You don't want to embarrass them if they don't want to make the same call or they don't agree with the call. And so, you know, whatever.

So he's standing there and he waves me over and I jog over to him. And I'm like, and he's like, the ball hit him in the arm. And then came down and then he immediately scored afterwards. He didn't pass to someone else. It's a handball. And I'm like, oh, it's a handball offense. He's like, yes. And so I was, and he's like, and he kind of showed arm was up against his body, but definitely hit his arm.

And, you know, again, the laws of the game say, even on an accidental handball, you cannot immediately score into your opponent's goal. And I trust this guy. This guy's a signer. He's been a referee for over 20 years. He's got decades of experience. If he says he clearly saw it, I believe him. And so I turned around. I say, no goal. And I jog over to the coaches and I explain, hey guys, here's what happened here. Saw it clearly hit his arm.

And I'm sorry I didn't immediately look at my assistant referee to verify that he thought it wasn't a goal. Shame on me. But it's no goal. And again, my mistake. If I had looked at this assistant referee and noticed he did not start jogging up the line... after the goal and we made eye contact, I could have quickly addressed it as opposed to waiting maybe a 10 or 15 seconds to have the coaches call my attention to the assistant referee. So shame on me there. I wish I had done better.

Now, I will tell you the coach whose team should have scored there had it not been an accidental handball was not very happy about this, as you can imagine.

I mean, this is MLS next match it's very competitive and so he's like what oh my are you telling me that anytime you know it hits someone's handball even up against the body that it's you know it's it's it's a handball and I'm like no coach it's not what I'm telling you you know coach and again this is why it's so important to be you know familiar with the laws of the game and to be able to quote the laws of the game it's like coach you cannot score immediately after a handball this used to be a

thing a couple years ago used to be able to do it if it's accidental the goal counted but now any handball even if accidental you cannot score immediately If you passed it, it was okay, but you can't score immediately afterwards in your opponent's goal. And he's like, oh my gosh, it's ridiculous. And I'm like, coach, happy to show you the laws at halftime. But that is the law and that is the call. And so we went on. And so the rest of the game was good.

That team actually wound up winning the match 2-0, very tight. It was 1-0 for most of the match. And that doesn't matter. But all that to say, it's like, don't worry. If we were being overly officious there, they wound up winning the game anyway. So, all right, let's move on. A couple things that I would say are mistakes here. And I would say personal mistakes for me, not necessarily laws of the game mistakes.

But when I was young in my career, I would let any comment from coaches or parents get to me. And I think this is really important. I think as you grow in your career, over time, you will be able to differentiate between outbursts of emotion in the moment and public emotion. persistent dissent, or what we call off in a bus, offensive, insulting, and abusive language.

And sometimes, I think early in my career, I was really militant, not militant, but I took a great offense anytime there was outbursts of emotion that might be directed at me from parents on the sideline. And again, I have to appreciate also, I reffed with my son often, and sometimes I'd be the center, and sometimes he'd be the center.

And so, as you can imagine, I really wanted to make sure that parents knew any yelling at the official, whether it was an adult or a kid, is not okay, because I wanted to make sure that when my son was officiating, he'd have the same respect that I was afforded if I was officiating the match, if I was centering. So I was really very proactive. But one time, someone yelled, I think it was like an off-site call, "'That's a horrible call!' And screamed it.

And instead of going to the coaches and saying, hey, coach, guys, can you just warn your sideline? They can't make outbursts like that. It is public dissent. Please tell them to refrain from doing so. I turned around and I pretty much yelled at the sidelines. I didn't know who said it. Who said that? And I screamed like, who said that? I heard you say it was a horrible goal. Who said that? I'm like, come on. No one answered to that.

And all it did was take me, who should have been a professional and mature adult, and turn me into the same yelling, you know, over-the-top, overly emotional person that they were. I mean, I was definitely not demonstrating the behavior and the tone of voice that I would want them to be using or professionalism I would want them to be using. I'm a big believer in be the change you wish to create. And absolutely. I was not being the right change right there. So that's not – it's not good.

And I wish I would have just gone over to the coaches and said, hey, guys, please warn your sideline about dissent. And that would have been the end of it. So shame on me there. Another experience from early in my career, I was working a U16 boys match and it had been – Pretty testy, but a fair game, you know, all along, all along. And this is really early in my career. I say two to three years in. And after a team scored, two kids wind up getting in a scuffle.

Now, again, because this was early in my career, you know, after they scored, I just literally turned around, you know, walking back to the center circle and started writing down the score. an idiot, instead of keeping my eyes on all the players and kids until I knew that everything was settled and people were walking back up the pitch. But a pushing, shoving match broke out behind me, and parents were screaming that there was a fight.

I heard, fight, fight, and turned around, and I saw this big group of kids, and I blew my whistle, and players were eventually able to break the kids up. Thankfully, I didn't get in the middle of it. That would have been stupid. So my And the AR2 on this play is my son, who, by the way, was always a much better referee than me. I don't know what it is about that kid. He's a lot more intelligent, and I'll just say that. It's wonderful.

And I think he was always an old soul and more mature than me. Even though I was an old soul as a kid, this kid is a mature kid. So I went to talk to my son, and I asked him what he saw, and he said one of the players threw a punch. Now, he missed, but... He needs a red card. Now, this kid was already on a yellow card as well. And this would have been my first ever red card. And I didn't want to do it. I chickened out. It was against the home team.

And I literally, because all the kids had gone back, whatnot, and nothing, you know, no one was beaten, bloodied, bruised, or anything, I literally did not throw a single card. There was a fight. A kid threw a punch. And even though you don't connect with a punch, an attempt to strike is still violent conduct and should have been a red card.

Even if I didn't see it and I thought there was pushing between two players aggressively, it should have been a yellow card, a second yellow card for that kid, and therefore a red card. I mean, my gosh. But let me tell you, After that happened and my son reamed me out in the car for being an absolute chicken, like, are you kidding me? You know the laws, dad. Come on. I made up my mind. I was like, next time that happens, man, I'm just showing the card. That's ridiculous. Shame on me. And I did.

And I think it was not a week or two later that I had my first red card. So I think we have to just appreciate that sometimes, you know, When we are learning, you know, that we have to have the opportunity to make a mistake like that and then have that conversation and get feedback from someone we trust so that we can do better next time. Not demote me and never let me ref another U16 boys match. No, that would have been a dumb decision.

Okay. I learned from my mistake and I got better because of it. And I have the shame to help me learn. Mistakes are learning opportunities. I will tell you just overall, most of my regrets in my career are having to do with dealing with coaches. Spectators, I have no problem dealing with them. Again, I've learned. And absolutely no problem to make sure that they behave. So it's very, very... Very important. I just have to tell you that. I get it. The spectators are not behaving so easy for me.

I go over to the coaches. I may say, hey, parents, please, one referee on the pitch. You're here to cheer your kids. Thank you so much. Please refrain from making any comments about the officiating. And I'll have it like a simple thing like that. I would encourage any teenager or young adults to just go over to the coaches immediately for referees. Again, if you're an adult, I think you can calmly, nicely say that.

But then beyond that, I would go over to the coaches and just be like, guys, please, please, Deal with that. That's really good. But I would say with coaches in particular, early in my career, again, I had a hard time figuring out when should I just let them blow off some steam and when did they have a need to have a card shown or be dismissed? Now I have a much better idea of emotional outburst or just commentary.

When does it cross the line between just venting a little bit and persistent dissent. And for me, it is when it starts to affect game management and match control. I mean, yes, if someone is commenting on every single call, you got to nip that in the bud. You got to nip that in the bud. That's it. It's persistent dissent. I don't even care if they're screaming it, talking it loudly.

If I could hear it, if my fellow officials hear it, and they're making a comment every call, coach, please cut that out. You're engaging in persistent dissent. If you continue, there will be consequences. That's it. Sometimes, again, you could just have one comment and it's worthy of a warning or a caution. It's really trying to figure out when does that cross that line between the two.

Again, if it starts affecting match control or the parents, so like the kids start repeating the same things the coaches are saying on the sideline or the parents start doing it, well, then we got to go through our thing. We can start with a warning, then we caution and that dismiss. Sometimes we just need to let someone have an outburst and that's fine. All good. But if it affects match control, that is a problem.

Again, if anyone insults me personally using offensive, insulting, or abusive language, there's going to be consequences for that. Generally, most times coaches are just kind of advocating for their team. But when they lose sight of it and it becomes assault on the referee's credibility, you're horrible. You're the worst referee I've ever seen. How did you get your certification? You know, something like that.

You know, that was effing... or whatever it is, when it gets profane, we've got to do it. One more thing that I think is, I got a couple more examples for you and I'll wrap it up relatively next 10 minutes here. One mistake that I made, not necessarily a mistake in column, a mistake in judgment, my first high school playoff game. This is such a long story. I'll just kind of make it real short here, but I was the AR2. It is the end of the second overtime. A team is losing... Three goals to two.

And there's corner kick after corner kick. And the clock is running down. And then finally, the ball gets crossed in. And the goalie's up. And the goalie from the team that's down heads it towards goal. And the goalkeeper saves it. And it's cleared off the line. And I am standing on that line as the AR2. And I did not run up the sideline because I knew it wasn't a goal. But the center referee... who had no business centering this game. I mean, he was so out of his depth.

He had only refed six matches that year. He gave two really soft, questionable penalties in this game against the team that was trailing him. It looked so bad. But he blows his whistle and puts his arms over his head to stop the clock. And he's like, and the time had run out. And he says, goal. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, are you kidding me? And so I ran over. to the ref as all of the players start running on the field celebrating and the coach is going nuts.

And I said to the guy, I was like, that wasn't a goal. I mean, I was standing right there. It did not go in. And we didn't have a conversation. He just turns around. He looks at me and he goes and then blows his whistle and screams, no goal. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So you can imagine what happened. The team that had now won the game, not going to penalty kicks anymore, runs onto the field with all their coaches and people and everything.

The team that was on the pitch with their coaches and the whole team beelines to us and crowds us and is surrounding us. The police had to escort us off the field because instead of going to penalty kicks, now they have lost the game in the playoffs. Awful. Awful, awful, awful situation. In hindsight... In hindsight, I should have just shut my mouth. The center referee made a call that it was a goal. I think he had a pretty good ability to see it. There's no VAR.

Everyone would have been in the stadium good with it going to penalty kicks, and that probably would have been the fair result on the day. I should have just shut my freaking mouth. to be quite honest. And I know you're like, oh my gosh, but that's not ethical. It's like, sometimes I see things different than the center referee sees things. That's what the center saw. And my gosh, did I cause quite a controversy and risk the safety of my entire crew in doing that.

I mean, we had to hide out in the dressing room for 40 minutes with police protection due to the venom that was being thrown our way. It was really bad. But I mean, I think sometimes, you know, we need to let the center referee make a call. Yeah. If they've got it and they're confident in it, it's on them to make that decision. So take that for what you will. It just is what it is. So I would say... As a referee, you're always going to make mistakes.

It could be as simple as pointing the wrong direction on a throw-in, calling a foul that I thought was there, maybe it wasn't there, not giving an advantage when I had an opportunity to play advantage, not calling a handball that probably should have been a handball. But we need to learn with being imperfect and flawed and learn to accept that. If you do make a mistake on the pitch and you feel like you've made a mistake on the pitch, again, look forward. Be great in the next five to 10 minutes.

That's all you can do. Forget what's in the past. Stay in the moment and be laser focused on what's going on. And then after the match, catch up and reflect with your fellow referees, you know, or reach out to a mentor. If you can get the game film from the coaches, that would be great. But dwelling on the past is only, you know, it cannot define you. You know, I do not want to be judged on my worst moment. I mean, let's look at Lionel Messi. The GOAT, greatest of all time.

I mean, can we go back to Copa America, penalty kick to win the trophy for his country and hits it over the bar? I mean, how many times has that guy taken a free kick and missed? How many times has he taken a penalty kick and missed? How about all of the other disappointments in World Cup previously? to this or titles that he didn't win or Champions League matches that he did not win.

No, we judge him based on the entirety of his career and his accomplishments, not just a few moments that don't go their way. If we stop at our first big failure, we will never accomplish anything worth doing. And I believe being a referee is worth doing. Even if that means I will fail and make mistakes from time to time, it is all part of a journey towards personal growth. I personally believe that being a referee has made me a better person. It's made me stronger mentally and physically.

It's given me identity, a hobby, a passion. It brings me joy to watch the beautiful game and to be on the pitch with talented players every single week of my life. And even if they're not talented players, even if they're just recreational people just kicking a ball around, they get excited on a goal or a great pass or a great tackle or whatever that may be, or a great save. Gosh, I love to see a great save. Oh my gosh, do I love to see a great save. Oh man, it just brings me so much joy.

And I'm not going to let a mistake from time to time bring me down and prevent me from doing what I love, what I love. So I think it's, you know, so, so, so important. All right, guys, I'm going to just go to the mailbag real quick and Again, I get so blown away when I see some of the comments from young referees. I just want to encourage everyone to listen to this pod, who I imagine is usually older referees. Again, I say older, you know, over 25.

So it doesn't mean you're like a senior citizen. Even then, if you're a senior citizen, listen, I love you and I appreciate you and I'm not far off from you. But let's make sure that we give extra love and support for the younger referees out there. This This one, I got a direct message this week. This 14-year-old ref here in Atlanta gave me a heads up on some abuse he received during a match and post-match.

And my gosh, we just really need to make sure we're looking out for those young teenage refs on the pitch. If you see someone reffing on the next field over and you're in between matches and they're getting all sorts of grief, step in. If you're seeing a coach cause problems, video it. We need to look out for these young refs. Here's what he wrote to me. After the game, a coach lost 8-1. This is a U-12 recreational match. The coach came up to him and said, fucking terrible job.

Now, this referee gave him a yellow. Definitely should have been a straight red there. And then writes, the coach says, go get your fucking mom to pick you up. And then he gave him a red card. And then the coach continued to follow him, follow him over to the referee area where thankfully a parent stepped in. Kid is 14 freaking years old. 14. Freaking years old. Something's on the positive side this week. I got this one. Hey, I just wanted to say that your videos are amazing.

I'm in Australia and your videos inspired me to start reffing in April. And as a 13-year-old, I've made more than $3,000 and I've even red carded a coach. Thank you so much. Dude, love you, brother. You go, you go. Another one on the positive side. Your videos about 15 months ago gave me inspiration to become a referee. I was 13 then. Since then, I've made close to $2,000 as a 14-year-old and I can handle parents and everything has gotten so much better in my life since becoming a referee.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Dude, that is what's up, people. That is what is up. I love... Seeing those things. I love seeing those things. I mean, again, as being a referee, there are going to be good times and there are going to be bad times. Here's one question I got that totally goes with the whole thing of this podcast and gave me the inspiration for this podcast. How do you bounce back from a bad game? I had a game in the morning that was definitely one of my less stellar performances.

Any advice would help? And that literally is the inspiration for today's podcast. To get young kids like this, these teenagers, 13, 14, 15, or these middle-aged people like me, 48, 49, 50, the reassurance that making a mistake is not the end of the world. It is not what happens to us in life. It is how we respond to it. The goal is not to be perfect. It is to get a little bit better every single day. Every single day.

And I hope, I hope that you remember that and can keep that in your mental piggy bank when you need to draw on it for when you have your next mistake. It is not the end of the world. It will get better. Look forward. Move forward. Live in the present. That's why they call it the present. It is a gift. Be in the present and continue doing your best. Well, I hope you enjoyed today's pod. It is not always going to be rainbows and sunshine every week on the pitch, but that is life.

Life can be challenging. Sometimes we will make mistakes. Sometimes life isn't fair. But we should not let the challenges in our life define us. It is how we respond, react, and overcome that is important. I ask you to please take a moment this holiday season and consider supporting our shop, the Refs Need Love 2 shop. My family and I would really appreciate that. Please check out the amazing... Have you been naughty, ugly Christmas sweatshirt?

my gosh if you have not seen that yet it is hilarious it is something every soccer lover even if you're not referee needs to have you must have that holiday parties at work you know Thanksgiving get togethers you know just all time you know the holiday time of year you're going to want to wear this thing it is soft it is cozy it is awesome and it's hilarious definitely also check out those great stocking stuffers like flip coins sweatbands cards all of that stuff man it is on the shop thanks

again and as always I hope you enjoyed Your next match is Red Card Free.