Be like a goldfish

Not things like living in water or surviving in a small fishbowl, but by being happy, even though things may not go our way for us on the pitch. It happens. It's how we compartmentalize those things and deal with it that matters. There is a great scene in a Ted Lasso episode when Ted tells one of his players to be like a goldfish. The goldfish is the happiest animal on earth per Ted because it has a very short memory. If something bad happens, they forget about it in about 10 seconds or less.

Sometimes as a referee, we also need to be like a goldfish. I love being a referee with every ounce of my soul. I have always been in leadership positions where Throughout my life, whether it was in middle school or high school, even in college, I was the captain and the president of my rugby team. And I can promise you that is no easy feat. But as a referee, I recognize, and in every role I've had, that being a leader is not always going to be fun.

Being a referee, not every match is going to be a good experience. Sometimes we will make a mistake. Sometimes we won't see a foul that has occurred. Sometimes we will make the wrong call on a foul that has occurred. Sometimes that mistake will be a key match decision. All of the above has happened to me, and sometimes all in one game. Here is just a short list of things that have happened to me from time to time. I will get a throw-in direction wrong. Probably happens every game at least once.

Calling something a foul that may not have been a foul had my positioning been better or different. Not playing a proper advantage. Being slow to give a yellow card in a match. Not giving someone a red card for something that probably should have been in retrospect. I will just share one of my most embarrassing calls on the pitch. I was reffing a really low level defense. I'm not going to name the exact one, but it was... Just picture 12 to 14-year-olds, recreational level, and...

It was a two-man diagonal system, which they use here in the U.S. for high school and for middle school games. You're not necessarily always lined up on the second-to-last defender. You're in the best position you can for the call that you can at that time. At this moment in time, I am set up pretty much on the center line of the field and play switches upfield. The attacker is maybe about three yards past the center line when the ball gets played up to him.

I'm looking at him, and he is completely by himself in tons of space, but he is in an offside position from what I can see. And of course, I raise my arm, you don't have a flag. I blow my whistle and I call offside and the fans go nuts behind me. And I'm like, what did I do wrong? Well, wouldn't you know, this was such a low level match that the defender was actually hanging out with the goalkeeper and In like the six yard box, there was one more defender back.

So this guy was completely onside, but I called it off and the fans went nuts. But I had to maintain control and I turned around and I looked at him. This one little 12 year old kid goes, how much is the other team paying you? His parents got a hold of him, but it was embarrassing. It was a moment in time, but I had to keep my composure. It was a mistake. I didn't. Let on that it was a mistake. I didn't figure it out until after they were all yelling and going crazy. And we moved on.

In that moment in time, I had to act like a goldfish and forget about it. It was a mistake. It's okay. Let's move on and continue play. I gave the offside and we moved forward. This is just a small list of some of the embarrassing things that I've done that happened in games, that happened from time to time. I'm sure there is many more. But the fact is, I make mistakes. It happens. I think one of the most important things we can learn in life is that you will never be perfect.

If you are not making mistakes, then you are not doing anything challenging and you're playing things safe. And you're not going to go very far in life if that's what's happening. Even the top referees make mistakes. One study showed that Premier League refs only get about 90% of their calls correct. Now, there's been a couple studies here and some people question how quality the data is, but that's the best data we have, about 90%. They have consistent training.

constant assessments of their performance, 20 different camera angles to review key match decisions, and yet they still make mistakes. It happens. To be a good ref, we need to expect and accept that mistakes happen. And even if players, coaches, and spectators can't accept that mistakes happen, we can't change how others react. But we can control our emotions and and reactions. We can control ourselves. I find that being humble on the pitch can be helpful.

If I didn't see something, I will openly say to a player, I'm sorry, I didn't see what you're saying happened. I'll look out for it and make sure to call it if I see it. If a coach is complaining about a throw-in direction, I'll say something like, sorry coach, I saw it as coming off red from my position. You may have seen something else. And I move on. I try and be contrite, but not unconfident. I recognize that maybe I missed something. It's entirely possible.

The important thing is to have confidence in your abilities to call the game as you see it. Although I would say I am approachable, I never want to give the impression that coaches, players, or fan reactions is going to influence my decision. Sometimes, teams you are reffing simply do not want to be reffed. They complain about every single call. you hear the classic, call it both ways, even when they are the team committing the majority of the fouls.

It's almost like they want you to make up fouls. It's not going to happen. If this is a youth team, they often have the worst parents. The apple does not fall far from the tree. If the kids are complaining, you will find that the parents will be toxic and unwilling to accept defeat gracefully, just like the children, of course. It can be frustrating and emotionally challenging. As a ref, these challenging moments can get the better of us if we lose perspective.

We need to accept that on the pitch and in life, about a third of our days are going to be great, about a third will be okay, and a third will be kind of crappy. That's life. It won't be bad all the time, and it won't be great all the time. We need to be more like the goldfish. Just forget about it. Forget that bad call or match and be happy. We are alive for another day and we are doing what we love to do. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Being a ref is not always going to be gratifying.

Being a leader is not easy. It means we must make tough calls and not everyone is going to agree with it. If you have kids like I do, you will understand being a parent means that you're not always going to make your kids happy. It's the same thing with being a ref. It's the same thing with being a leader in any walk of life. If you try and make everyone happy, you will end up making no one happy. As a referee, we need to be like a goldfish and move on.