Here is a helpful quote from chapter 15 of Dr. Chris Thurman’s book entitled “The Lies We Believe”:
“Most of us have a mixture of healthy [self-focus] (an appropriate concern about ourselves and our valid needs being met) and unhealthy [self-focus] (an overly strong sense of self-centeredness and entitlement about our needs being met). God calls us to live in the former and die to the latter. Focus on dying to our unhealthy [self-focus] and fulfilling the biblical challenge to ‘put off the old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires.’ (Ephesians 4:22).”
Dr. Thurman then lists 9 characteristics of unhealthy self-focus:
Have a grandiose sense of self-importance.Fantasize about success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Feel you are a cut above. Require excessive admiration. Feel entitled to special treatment. Exploit others to achieve personal gain. Lack empathy for the feelings, wishes, and needs of others. Envy others and feel others are envious of you. Have a pompous and arrogant behavior.
If the truth be told, each of us probably struggle with some of these characteristics, at various times and in varying degrees. But when these characteristics are exhibited in consistently excessive ways, the condition is referred to as narcissism.
Who are the best biblical examples of unhealthy self-focus? The Pharisees. Consider the words of Jesus:
Matthew 23:3b-7 NIV “[The Pharisees] do not practice what they preach. (4) They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. (5) Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; (6) they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; (7) they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called 'Rabbi' by others.”
The Pharisees displayed all 9 characteristics of unhealthy self-focus!
Consider this:
God is love (1 John 4:8). He has revealed His love for us through Jesus (John 3:16). The primary characteristic that Jesus uses to display His love for us is through His humility.Matthew 11:29 HCSB All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves.
So, if we are to “put off the old self” of unhealthy self-focus, how do we do that? Live a life of humility, following the example of Jesus.
First -- Why is this important for us to do? The Bible has many warnings on this topic, such as the following:
2 Timothy 3:1-5 NASB But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. (2) For men will be lovers of self, ... (Application: Note the first characteristic in Paul’s long list of sinful behaviors is “lovers of self.” In many ways, all of the other sinful behaviors listed are merely the results of the first one -- unbridled self-centeredness.)
Romans 16:17-18a HCSB Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause dissensions and obstacles contrary to the doctrine you have learned. Avoid them, (18) for such people do not serve our Lord Christ but their own appetites.
But back to the really hard question: How do we live a life of humility? Dr. Thurman offers the following list of the primary characteristics of humility. I propose that we learn these characteristics, and ask God to develop these characteristics in our lives. (To each of these characteristics, I have added some relevant scriptures I discovered in my own personal study.)
The characteristics of humility:
Aim to serve, not to be served. Don’t consider yourself entitled.Jesus is our example. Do what He did:Matthew 20:26b-28 HCSB Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, (27) and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; (28) just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life—a ransom for many." John 13:14 NASB "If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.Value others more highly than yourself. Philippians 2:3-4 ESV Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (4) Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.Luke 9:23 HCSB Then He said to them all, "If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”Examples of valuing others more than yourself:
Don’t promote yourself Honor and respect other people, such as when they are talking.Think accurately about yourself. Romans 12:3 AMPC For by the grace given to me, I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance], but to rate his ability with sober judgment, each according to the degree of faith apportioned by God to him.Avoid either overvaluing or undervaluing our own abilities, gifts, and traits. Humility requires “sober judgment” of self.Humility is an accurate sense of self. “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”Freely admit your flaws, mistakes, and failures, and ask God (and others) for help to change.Submit to one another. Ephesians 5:21 NIV Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.Examples of submitting to one another:
Be teachable. Seek the advice of others. Choose to be corrected without defending yourself. Choose to not have to be right. Don’t consider any task as too small for you, or “beneath” you. Be patient with hurting people. Jesus is our role model on submission:
He submitted to God the Father (John 6:38). He taught submission to government authorities (Mark 12:17). Note that, as followers of Jesus, we are ultimately submitted to God and are therefore following the example of Jesus. If there is ever a question about whether or not to submit to another person (such as when they invite us to do something that violates our conscience), our submission to God always provides our answer.Let others be the center of attention. 1 Peter 5:5b NASB And all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Examples of how to let others be the center of attention:
Rejoice when others are celebrated. Let other people have a better story than yours. Avoid promoting yourself.
Today, I encourage you to “Reflect on This.”