Unpacking White Privilege and Prejudice

is free until all women are free. Race is never an easy subject, but that's what the Red Table is here for to push ourselves to have conversations that scare us. So in honor Black History Month, we brought three women with different backgrounds to help us understand their experiences. Rachel Cargo is a former nanny whose life changed after this

photo from the Women's March went viral. She's a writer for Harvest Bazaar Online, with articles such as how to talk to your family about racism on Thanksgiving and when I asked the RTT family who should come to the table to talk about race, she was your top choice. Writer. Amy Newman, a mom of a team daughter just like me, stirred up controversy with a groundbreaking and brave article admitting

her own white privilege. Award winning actress Justina Machado, the beloved and outspoken star of the Netflix hit One Day at a Time, was recently named Latina of Influence and says the conversations about race can't just be black and white. I just, first of all, I want to say thank you to you guys for being here, for being here and this conversation about how we can flow power to one another. And I definitely believe there's this huge break

between women of color and white women. I just want to kind of figure out how we can have conversations, you know, just smooth conversation because emotional, because I get really emotional to the point of anger, because my husband is always like, we can't even have a conversation. Let me ask you a question, because you know, a lot of black women feel like it is not our job to educate white women. Do you feel that way? White women treat race issues like rocket science, and they say,

how am I supposed to talk? I supposed to do things. White women treat race as if it's the hardest thing ever you've done. Lots of hard things. You've raised children with no guide book, You've gotten married with no guide book, You've traveled the world, you've gone to college. But for some reason, they need a step by step when it comes to anti racism work. And I'm not sure why. Yeah, all, yeah,

you know, I learning. I will say, you know, I can't speak for all white women, but white women are we constantly look to women of color to tell us, like, you know, tell me what is it like to be a black woman? What is it like to be Latina? White women have to take on the labor of doing this work. It is not up to women of color. I find that interesting that do white women really ask

what's it like to be black women? Because I've ever been asked that question because I have locks under this, but I've been asked many times, how do you wash your hair? Like? Is it the same as everyone else? And I'm like, yeah. I always tell white women singer white children to a summer camp where they're the minority for a summer. Do that let them let them experience the world differently. Can you explain to me how Latin women are being heard or not heard in regards to

what is happening today? I think you're heard if you're famous. God. Uh, And that's about it because I think right now, so many of the conversations are black and white, and then we fall like where do we fall? What happens to us? Where are we in these conversations? We're not all liberal, there are some that are conservative. Do you know there's another people don't know about us. How do we bring that all together even amongst us. I'm gonna tell you

something that's an interesting dynamic. It is, right, I would imagine it makes it very complex to unify. Yeah, because we're all colonized, so we already feel we're better than the other one about all that going out and you're like, are you kidding? And it's even like the light skinned dark people think Latins can't be racist? Come on, yeah, come on, this is we have. This we have because

we were having the conversation about what racism is. So let me just say racism is a structure, not an event. When a group's collective prejudice is backed by the institutional control, it is a system of advantage based on race. Those advantages are known as white privilege, and then it is taken for granted by whites and not enjoyed in the same context as people of color. I think that no matter what your skin color, if you're exhibiting behavior that's hateful,

you are racist. Here's the thing. Racism is structural. It's all through our institutions, it's in our education, how we're in doctrine. People of color cannot be racist against each other because we don't have a system against each other. But we can be You can have internalized racism. When you say, I don't you know a darker person of color in a week, I guess it would be called racism is the system, and white people are at that space.

People of color are here in a system where white people are the knowers and everyone else is to be known. But why is white the default? So we internalize that and we show that I just um and then then it all into one word, and it's not for me. I'm not negatively impacted. If I walk out of a scenario where your prejudice against me, I walk back into the white world. Yeah, somebody can be prejudiced against me, but the structures in the system that we live in,

that's it. Or whatever whatever prejudice I have against you is temporary. Yeah, one right, exactly exactly, a light skin, educated black woman who people listen to. So I challenge my followers, are you listening to your black neighbor, Are you listening to your black you know, coworker, are you listening to the little black girl who plays with your child? Or they're lasting a woman who takes care of your child? Okay, listening to that A moment for that a moment, all right,

That's that's really tall. The truth is until and this is a quote from Audrey Lord, until all women are free, No one's free. That's true, that's not and that's the white women don't understand. No one's free to all free. That's my belief. We all need each other, and I believe that white women are very clear about that, which is why they tend to rally for our support, your support, our support, Rachel. It's just not Yeah, they rallied for

the support, but it's not it's not reciprocated. I mean, how many of the women at the Women's March showed up at Black Lives Matter purchase and we were all saying that we were there. I'd call it a parade, and the Women's March was a parade of white women who wanted to feel like they were included in something not much changed, and how they were showing up for people of color. That's funny that you thought it was

a parade. I felt like I felt so happy to be there, and so I was empowered and I felt, wow, this is incredible, But the receipt didn't show up. One of my rules is in our business, I look at the resume when people call me up and they're like, hey, can you come to this event it I'm not gonna be taking no pictures with you on the red carpet until you've shown improve that you actually have been doing some working. In my opinion, we've got to stop flowing

power for the photo exactly. You know as well as I do. There's a lot of performance going on. So when I'm talking about holding people accountable in regards to even what we're doing on a personal level of like, okay, so you're saying you've got this thing going on, okay, and you want to be inclusive, but how are you practicing that so called inclusivity. Show me the receipts. We have to take it into action. We have to do

the work. We've got to read, we've got to support black women and Latino women and support organizations that are run by women of color. We need to support, you know, like artists who are people from candidates for a people of color. It is past time a same like in day to day life as women of color, we really have to recognize when white women come in to help that we make room for it. Because there's been a couple of times like if a trust is it is trust is Sue. I understand that. But at right so

I get it. But at some point where are we as black women going to be able to recognize an ally? This is all power place. So in order to shift that power needs to shift. So white women need to step back and say, why don't you guys have a black woman take my place on this cover? Mean to give up the power, whether it's in your home, in your career, when to give and that's always going to mean for white women that we may not get that job that we really want. That that's what we're going

to ask, give up the power. But but and that it also applies to yes to raise. It's not a matter of black women saying, hey, we're open to you being an ally to us. That's not the case it's white women showing up and saying, you have a righteous anger. You're allowed to be livid at the things that we

have imposed on you over history. And instead of acting like they don't know, yes, yes, and white women like they have no responsibility, yes, yes, yes, They say, why do I have to deal with what my ancestors did? And I say, until I don't have to deal with the consequences of what happened to my ancestors, I will be holding you accountable for what your ancestors did because you're still benefiting from what they built on the backs of people. But it's not wasn't me, Like, why are

you getting on me? This anger? Is it for me? This? This is all you. Either they're the hero or they're the victim they ran. They rarely take responsibility when women say like, I have a lot of anger, of course it's righteous, Like it is righteous when I'm in that space of anger. Almost every single time I get a vibe of it's really not that serious that it happens on a set all the time. I was. If a white woman acts like, gets really upset about something, it

starts going crazy, then it's understandable I do it. Then they're scared of me. That's the real thing that happens to a lot of people. But control yourself. I'm like, what about how many people of color experiencing these things? Like is it just me? Am? I like no one else? And we have to see each other. Here's the thing for me that I'm hoping you can help me understand as well. White women have dealt with patriarchy. There's so

much privilege in whiteness. And the phrase that I use is that white women often choose their whiteness over their womanhood because there's deep safety in that they know that at least in their whiteness, they have the white men protecting them. White women must sit in the room and be like, we'll deal with a little bit of patriarchy as long as we keep our white privilege. When it shows up that way, but that is what it is. We benefit directly from that white privilege, from white supremacy.

We have to like undo that. But I will say it has been an evolution for me because I wasn't always there. I entered this work through sort of reproductive health and rights, and the more I sort of learned about women's bodies and the inequity that you know, and the treatment that certain women gets and historical you know, treatment of black women's bodies, of Puerto Rican women and made women a lot of women sterile. And so I

thought that there's these are points of intersection. You know, no matter what color, we have been taught to be silent and not believe in ourselves. That's a good point. That's a really good point. Why women do feel the pain of the patriarchy. We feel the pages. This isn't the oppression Olympics. It doesn't mean that then women of color, or Puerto Rican women, or trans women or or lesbians or you know, don't have another layer of oppression. And

it's something that I cannot understand. I don't I can't understand it, but I also benefit. This is why we need to use our platforms as a white women and white women. White women's platforms are their dinner tables, it's their children, it's their classrooms. It's when you walk into a conference at work asked, why are there any black women on this panel? Why is my child's school completely

staffed by white women? Why? You know, to get to that, it's white people using their platforms to say this is important to this household, this is important to this work culture, and then it will all domino into us being like, okay,

let's work together on this. But it's so funny when I post pictures of like me and one of my best friends who's white, they're like what because it's this has my My passion comes out of a deep belief that, like, we are approaching this moment that equality could possibly happen. I think part of what I am trying to do when I talk to other white women is to let uh, all of us know, like we are not the center. White women and white men. We like to center ourselves

in every conversation. So it's like, yeah, but how does this affect me and I? You know, and they come and they come in and they say, you don't know how to well, somebody once said to me, I am white, um, and I don't get white privilege? Why do you? I don't get that. I didn't. I didn't know how to answer that's how Yeah, And instead of all I could say was well, could you walk into a store and do they ask you if you need help? Because I've certainly walked into stores before and they never asked me

if I needed help. And also have you been followed in the store. They do that a lot of Chicago, you know what I mean, when a police officer is around, not even just around, that's right, because as soon as a police officer is around, within myself from like okay, like and it's I'm looking, I'm feeling sust exactly. Like I got pulled over by a police officer and I literally was so freaked out that I was like, I was taking pictures of where I was. I was my mom.

I was like, if he does anything to me, you're gonna know exactly, and I was I was like, this is crazy. I was like, I'm literally terrified, exactly. I'm from a police officer who were supposed to believe protected us.

In my workshops, I have the white woman write down the words of how you would feel if you woke up tomorrow as a black person, and everyone's words are scared, overwhelmed, unheard, unseen, and that should show you if you're not waking up feeling that way every single day, then you hold a privilege that black people are lacking. Exactly. It always says two to tangle. That's always how I think about it.

And I'm really clear on what white people need to do and just making sure that I'm accountable for what I need to be doing with my Latin sisters, just like I know, damn well, if I'm sitting in a row with my Latin sisters, I'm stretting up because I need to listen about what is needed because I know I don't know. Just to answer your own question, how would you feel welcomed as you're saying we need to welcome white women, Um, here is your sister, so just

you show up. No, But the fact that I'm here means I just need for you to know that and have the openness and willingness to show me how okay. I don't know all the time the nuance. So we show up, I listen, and I so shaw, can I support your movements? What do I need to say I need to do because I need you exactly just show me. I'm gonna be here with you. I'm gonna learn. That was one of the reasons why I learned Spanish. My Latin sisters are suffering too. I need to be able

to communicate this. I don't feel like there's a bunch of spaces where white women were coming in and like women are just like leave. They might be kind of because wich that either I just know that we can have a certain kind of like why are you here? That that is the mean that I've had to kind of get over a little bit, because you trust, you have to earn that relationship. You can earn your trust. But even if you know, if it's a dude new in your life, you'll be like, all right, so what

the hell are you here for? You know you're going on. You don't really mind, so you're thinking me a for bood and you asked me to go out for what? No, it's like, okay, you're here. That's nice. So let's see where this goes. I think a relationship because that person doesn't hurt you yet. White women in generation generation so we have we have about that lack of trust and white women because saying that we're just saying we're asking white women to take a leap. I believe that we

have to take leaps as well. We do. And that's just me, right, And you know what, that's just me I believe. And if you disappoint me, all right, that's so you do you think the majority of black women react to white women like that? Is that why you you feel the need to address it because it's so many. It's a lot of us that you know, because of that, rightfully,

so weird angry, rightfully. So I'm not saying that we don't have a right to be angry, and I'm not saying that we don't have the right to have that lack of trust, because we do. All. I'm saying though we need them, they need us, we need we all need each other. We have to be able to sit in a bit of vulnerability to allow for a certain kind of healing to occur. We got to be open to and I might not have the right words for it,

It's not gonna happen on our own. I identify as a feminist because I truly believe in the equality for all women. I'm out here just fighting for black women and for me to show up as a feminist, I too, am showing up for women. And so I think there isn't And I think that's the thing we have to remember as Black women that we have we're showing up for all women because we know white women included, because we know like that, are we gonna do the fishball? Who wants to who wants to go first? Let me

see Okay, Jenny from Texas. As a white woman, I feel women of color stereotype me also the same way they criticize white people for doing the same. Isn't that hypocritical? Okay versus Jenny, I highly suggest you reframe your question in terms of the patriarchy. If a man came in with all of the emotions that you bring to say, well, not all men are like this, you'd be like, I know, but enough are to keep me on safe from what

I understand. I think it's a story that Muhammad Ali said, where he was describing his fear of white people, that if there's a thousand poisonous stakes coming towards you, and someone says, but five of them aren't poisonous, I'm still shutting the door because there's a huge chance that I'm gonna get hurt. So it's not about stereotyping, it's not about being hypocritical. It's about black bodies and danger, and so there has to be a space of us protecting

ourselves while still doing that work. I love That's that's the question that's asked a lot. Okay, this is Karen from San Jose. Are most of your friends the same ethnicity. There's a differentiation from me between friends and associates. So I have a lot of associates that are white, but friends is a more intimate definition of a relationship for me, and now I don't have a lot of friends. We just did this exercise yesterday actually at a at a diversity training I was at, and she had us list

like who are your neighbors like race and gender? Who are your friends? Who were your teachers? And I looked at my list and I was almost all white for me, and that that is so But I think that it's so true. We we we have to preach out all right, Okay, Rita from Florida, I'm a white woman and I'm sick of hearing about my privilege. I've been raped, I've been abused, I've lost out jobs to men both black and white. Why is my past any less traumatic than a woman

of color? Wow? There it is. I get it. I totally get it, Rita. And we all have these traumas, and we all have these places in our lives where we've been impacted in ways that are awful. But with your white skin, that is it wasn't it wasn't big? Well, yes, and you still walk through the world as a white person that is privileged. And it doesn't mean your whole life is privileged, and it doesn't mean that we don't all have pain. And here here's the thing, she's experienced

hainous acts upon her body personally. Now, we as women are not safe because of our gender, and it's this compact. A lot of times white women say, I'm not privileged, I have mental health issues, I have this, and I go, there's so many black women who also have been to health issues, who also have gone through all those things, and they walk in the world with no one believing them because they're black, because they're period. End of discussion.

We're not gonna keep talking about. This is about. See that right there, just so that's you, that's what I'm talking about. Gotta work on that party, Lauren from Los Angeles. Jane Elliott said, there's only one race, the human race, human race, and that's and while I think it's rooted in the right sentiment, does this do a disservice to marginalized members of society who have to deal with inequality

every day? Yes, Lauren, if we were living in a completely different society with completely different rules and completely different power. We could forever and all days skip around and talk about how we're the same race, but in America, we're not the same race. In America, when my black sun walks out and your white sun walks out, there will live been two completely different experiences based on their race alone. Right, So I think it did do it just service. It

has to be acknowledged. You cannot fix what you ignore. With everything that we've talked about and with your vision, all three of you, what is your hope. Well, my hope is is that we all come together. I mean it's even sitting here, it's been so interesting the difference, you know what I mean, like where is the common ground? And that's what seems to be so difficult. But that's my hope that is, just keep having that conversation to

find it. Rachel. We're often told to kind of like hush it a little bit or calm down a little bit. But this is the time for it. This is the time for us to show up, show up, hard shop fashion up, ready with our receipts to do the work. So I hope that's my hope that we all show up and we all do the work. My hope is that we're raising all of our children in a way that allows them to express their full selves, because these are the kids who are going to lead us into

this next place. And let's not let perfect be the enemy of the good. Let's just keep going and let's just show up, right, ladies, I'll tell you what this has been. This has been really good. Thank you, thank you, Thank you so much for Wolf to join the Red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook dot com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.