Surviving Divorce With Toni Braxton

this is exciting. Table Talk has become one of my favorite shows. Gonna be the Realist, the most honest, superstar singer and multiple Grammy winner. Tony Braxton has endured health issues, financial struggles, and a painful public breakup from her husband of twelve years on I think this thing is a martini. That's so is a martini to talk about divorce, the D word, surviving divorce. This one he is my book. Yes, the Tony Brax and she and I we talk a

lot about all kinds of stuff. We came across the subject of divorce. Yeah, and you know game has been divorced three times. You gotta do it. Did you get it right? And I'll kill you. I hate it being divorced. I hated everything about it. I hated having to surrender to the loss. I'm everyone said, you don't even at the acceptance stage. I'm like, no, I feel like a loss. I'm waving the white flag my husband and not excess. I keep saying husband Jesus. My ex husband. Carrie was

one of the founding members of Mint Condition. Pretty okay, So you were waiting for that. Yeah, yeah, that is one of my favorites. Yeah. So you guys fell in love and had two beautiful boys. The part that I found really interesting is the idea that you went from being divorced from being husband and wife two boyfriend and girls. Yeah, my husband became my boyfriend and we were attempting to salvage the relationship again. We were hopeful and we dated for a good year and almost two years after we

got a divorce. I immediately, I know it sound crazy, right, No it doesn't, because actually one of my husbands proposed that to me as well. I just didn't think it was a good idea. It was cutting the cords slowly, like to sign it before we sniffed it. Still hurt badly. It sound good. Did the kids know you were dating? I don't think the kids knew we were divorced. Oh, I thought we were going to get back together, and

we were clever, at least we thought we were. We'd wait to the kids would go to sleep, and then he would leave the warning you're just trying to figure out how to salvage, because that's the thing. How do you salvage? Would still there, which I think it's important specifically when you have children, we assume that maybe the kids won't notice, and when you get older, you go with the kids know everything right. I felt shallow because my husband's excessment and I broke up for money issues.

That's why you guys broke up. I found out had lupas. At the time, I couldn't make money because I had lupas and had to cancel the show. That was my personal contribution to the marriage failing, because who wants to take care of person who's sick all the time. He never said that, but I felt it. I remember a few times being in a hospital ill and he would come later in the day or maybe the next day, and I would think, oh, he's not coming because I'm sick.

I never really talked to my excessment about it. I probably should have, but if I'm going to be completely honest, it was money was just the decoration on the tree. The tree itself was I felt because I was sick, he left, so it gave me maybe insecure. I always felt like if I didn't get sick and I could have continued to work, we wouldn't have had that deficit. It wouldn't have shown his face, I should say, and we would probably have still been together. Got it? Yeah, Wow,

that's unfortunate. Yeah, you know the Red Table. I love the Red Table. But the Red Table makes you emotional when you get the talk about it and soothing at the end. So did you have to pay alimony? Yes? I had to be. I was of those girls. There's this a couple of us. It's me that I know of as Brittany. Remember it's Hallie mary Is allegedly. I was very very angry about that, but it was because we had an existing pre nup and postnup. Then what made you angry about it? If if it has already

been in agreement? Because I wanted to Renege. I wanted to Renege. I'm going to be honest, I got he should say. Now, even though if it were reversed and a guy had more, we would expect him to make sure the lady's okay, right, we would expect that, And so I can't really bitch about it too much. However, semiicolon right, whoa tough that's a tough pill. Well, in my divorces, I never got nothing from nobody, never asked for nothing from nobody. Pose you had to pay somebody

that that would be mad I was. That's what I was angry. I'm not doing that. I mean I went through this phase like, oh man, the new bitches through the whole phase. That's what I was so angry about, like to get out the bed so I can pay this debt for me personally, I'm not mature enough to have a divorce. I'm just not. I don't think I

would ever be mature. Not. I don't. Because when when you have to start going in breaking up, as said right there, when you start having to divide things, separate, cut off, let me tell you that's when the red table turned upside down, and it won't be read no more. This joke will be smashed and shambles like you know what I'm saying. I don't know. I actually think it takes more maturity to stay together and refined. But that's

a maturity I do have. You understand, like I know what I can do and I know what I can't. I actually have more maturity to figure it out within and work with what I got. I've seen people try to have some of the most friendly divorces and it just at some point it's still painful. It's still painful. My parents are divorced after thirt four years. That was really tough on me and all my sisters and my brother. They don't like each other m still, and then sometimes

the children feel divided. Even at my age, I don't want to love my dad too loud in front of my mom. That's the toughest part. And like I said, I'm a grown woman. My parents divorced. That for thirty four years. I was thirty two and my parents got a divorce, and my parents divorce because of infidelity, and my mom felt complete the trail the woman and me understands what my mother is going through. Can imagine it's one thirty four years and they go with someone else.

That trail you can't get yeah. Even now today, if my dad and my mom are in this room, No, my dad does little things, little cheap shots, and try to, you know, make my mom feel some kind of way via us. And then my mom would do little things. You talk to your dad today. We don't want to say, yeah, we talked to her, because I don't remember my mom's you know, that was kind of a trail they be. I often think if my think if my kids are going through something to school with their grades, I would say,

my kids are doing this because of the boys. That was the hardest part for me. I was blaming myself, like I shouldn't have challenged the relationship. I should have just stayed in it and made it work and figured it out like I always do. How did you get past that guilt? Every day? I still struggle because little

things come up with family with children. You had something when You're one of your shows, which I love, is one of my favorite shows, and you said that we don't realize when we have children that everyone comes with issues from their childhood, right And I said, I'm giving my children issues right now. I'm giving it to them like here on the plate. Here it is right there a deficit in their lives like myself. But this deficit I'm giving them, I have to figure I'm adding to

their pain and I hate that for my children. Did I scar my kid? It's this the moment that I scarred him. It's a tough thing as a parent, you know, trying to figure out your happiness while you have children's responsibility you feel towards their happiness. Yeah, okay, what would you say you've learned? Because when I look at your divorces, But you know what, here's the thing, though, I make fun again, I'll make fun of gave me a lot, the fact that she's been divorced three times. But I'm

gonna tell you something. You've actually had evolution. She had like and this is why you can never judge people's journeys. Okay, but she's had evolution. So my father was abusive and they were young, so that wasn't gonna work. That was no shock for anybody. I wasn't I was in high school then. Yeah, I actually did not want that. You didn't want that divorce? Wanted the divorce? Why did you fight it? He didn't want it? Like, I'm not going to fight to be with someone that doesn't want to

be with me. We both had issues with drugs and alcohol. The marriage would not have lasted anyway. No, and that's the thing. And then you got clean, and then Paul came into your life, and he was such a stability, you know. But as you grew in your sobriety, you grow into song and people can't always come with you. But doesn't make it bad. You start a relationship in one way, these are the things that I want out of a relationship. And at that particular point of time,

two people are in agreement. Then you grow or you don't grow. People change, and then people's capacity can't always keep up with the change, whatever that might be. I'm beginning to see that because I didn't at first, because I'm you know, I'm a whole school. I'm very Disney. I love love, I love everything about being in love, and I'm going to try. That's because I just not. I just didn't give up. And Paul and I we hung in there a long time. We went together over

it's of years. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't a nasty divorce. I can remember flying home from somewhere and just being angry because just feeling like, we could have had such a great life together if you would, just if you would, just you know, he always want somebody to be something, something other than who you were, and I think that was really the issue for him, is that you don't really love someone if you're trying to constantly change them. I just don't think he really appreciated

the woman that I was. I did not want to go through another divorce. I really didn't know. My sister passed. I had a cousin that passed, and I was like, I can't do this. I can't. Life is too short. I have got to be happy, and I was just miserable. Partnering is a lot more than romance. It has a lot to do with survival resources and just having somebody

or somebody's buy you that can help you figure it out. Yeah, everybody needs that, you know, and it's only for you to decide on how you need it and who you needed. From Preach, I don't remember you asking me on an episode that we did with Will, she was like, well, why don't y'all just divorce? One of the ideas for me is that we built such a beautiful community, we built such a beautiful family, and our survival, we do well together, and then breaking that group and community up

for me, it's just never an option. It's just like no subtraction right and for me to add go right ahead. But I don't see they I didn't think about that idea with my last divorce. I never talked to anybody and the family to that speaking of survival and group since Paul had been part of this group. I have my relationship with Paul and my kids that's the only grandfather they've known, whether he's been an ideal one or not, because in their mind, here's people. Now, she has her

ideas about it, but then they have theirs. I have appreciation from two because he came into my mother's life at a time where I was grateful because I was like, she's good. That earns him at the table forever. I didn't see the necessity for it. But that's what I love about your situation. But that's what I love about your situation, Tony, is that even though he he might not have been the ideal husband for you, that you

still worked that family. Definitely, what has been your process and that, oh it has caused friction and some of my post situations because holidays it's me, the kids and their dad. So you guys do do Christmas and Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving holidays? Yeah together. He's an extension of my family, not just because he's my kid's dad, but because he was a part of my life. So we're we're family now, right,

And it's kind of tough blending families. Sometimes it gets difficult Christmas morning waking up and my baby daddy's there. But I find a lot of things I do for them. They're boys. I don't know how to raise boys. You know. I can teach them how to be a good person, but I can't show them how to be a man. And then we have your new fiance. A new fiance. We are complete opposite. His name is Brian Williams, but most people call him Birdman, and we've been friends for

sixteen seventeen years. A turning point in our relationship was when I got ill and I was out on the road touring and he came to every date every night. He was there on the bus spelling behind me every night just to make sure I was okay. That's amazing. I felt someone was there with me. What would you say that you've learned most out of that whole journey with Carrie from the dissolved, the divorce, and then the

recreation of the relationship. Yeah. Well, I'm still learning. But what I think I've learned most just that surrendering doesn't always mean defeat. We will always have our children together. It was a successful marriage where should lasted twelve years, and that's what it was supposed to be. It doesn't have to be infinity. He's in my life for infinity forever. But that stage of the relationship does not define who will be in the future. I think that's a beautiful

way to look at it. We're gonna bring the fish bowl up. This is the fish bowls, both the fishball It's like from our viewers, Monique from Nashville for Tony and Gammy, what did you do with your wedding rings and dresses after getting divorced? I kept them all everything? Good for you? What's that mean what I'm saying? No, no, no, I didn't have a gown because the first two times I got married in the courthouse and we just had a big reception afterwards. But in my third marriage, I

actually had two sets. Yeah, and he wanted both of them back. Did you give them back? I absolutely did. Why. That was what we had talked about if we ever got divorced. We never assigned a pre nup or anything. And he always said he wanted it back, and no, he didn't get those backs. He worried if you were engaged and broke it off. Let me say they're yours. Maybe it's Elizabeth Taylor and me, but I wouldn't be able to give back. No, No, those are mine. Who

gave them to me was word of the contracts. I just like to look at them sometimes. Monica from Washington for Tony. What's the most important thing you've learned from your past relationships that you know will help you with your current one. That's a good one. I will say communication. You gotta be honest, I gotta talk. Yeah, you feel yes,

but you gotta feel free to do that. I didn't have that in my third relationship because I don't think we were really really friends, and I think that is important. I feel like now I'm married to my best friend. Katie from Memphis for Tony, you are now engaged at Birdman. Did you ever consider a just being in a relationship instead of a full legal marriage? Okay, I don't think they don't want me to be They don't want me to. But I'm used to people saying that because they don't

get him. They don't know him like I know him. I get it, you get it. I do you willing to have a bus follow me while I'm on tour to make sure I'm good. I can't argue with that commitment. Yeah, that's just that's that right of doctor. Yeah, not ride with that. Bonnie from Virginia for Tony your sister Tamar's divorce as well, what advice did you give her during her divorce? Um? Nothing, got it? Just be happy? Yeah, be sure because once you pour the divorce card, did

you say I want a divorce? She can't take it back. That's my red table talk. Thank you, Sis, thank you, Thank you too, gam thank you so much. On our next red table talk, Jade and I have the same father, different mothers, and he told me I'd rather get high than be your father's I asked you, why didn't you just toss me to the side when you don't need people to be something for you? That was my AHA moment of utter forgiveness. Get in their game. You know,

I got short arms. I'm here with my friend told Brat and I shouldn't be seeing next step herb. We had a good show with the boys. Hey, red table Talk family. Head to our red table Talk Facebook watch show page. Join the conversation and become a part of red table Talk. To join the red table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at

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