Salma Hayek's Best Advice

for three years. Okay, because this woman has been an inspiration for this table. Okay, and her name is Selma Hillo. It's so exciting. It's so good to see you finally I paid it to the Red Table. Yeah. I wish we could have you here in person, but I know you're in London. I'm in London. I want to say congratulations, girls, thank you. Fantastic job, amazing idea, amazing concept. We have all been craving for a safe place where we can be real and that it can have the amazing the

dynamic that the three of you create. Well, s Imma, thank you because you know you were an inspiration for why this happened, you know, and I was going through that really difficult time and you just took me under your wing and you just schooled me on so much, and you shared your testimony with me. I gotta say, Jada, you leave inside of me every day. I am so proud of your beautiful family, and I'm so proud of you, and I'm so proud of what you're doing in the world.

I follow you on Instagram and you always make me laugh, and you always make me think, and something about you makes me fall in love with life. That's how I feel about you. I don't care if you're in the roller skates or if you're saying something deep, if you're dancing. Did you do some weird stuff? Man? So how does she come up with so much? It's always like, oh my god, there's my girl. I mess you so much. We haven't seen each other in so long. We've got

so much to catch up on. How did you guys meet? We were one of the four finalists for the Matrix, and so we had jumped through many hurdles and you know, screen testing and many auditions, and they brought these stunt coordinators from Asia and it was the physical test. Now, I'm flexible, I'm my child, but I'm lazy. I never really went to the gym, and they said to me, you have to run. I go to wear around, you have to run around. I couldn't even go around the room.

Once I was like, in comes Jada and mean, lean, sexy machino. When oh my god, she was so good. It was so embarrassing. She was so fat, she was so focused, she was so dcibly, she was so capable, she was so gracious. And I just looked at this woman and I thought to myself, that's why I want to be when I grow one. Yeah, I was impressive, she was really impressive. I didn't get the part. Yeah we didn't get the party. They never call me again

after that day. But you know, I always tell carry and I'm like, she she was perfect for that one. So now when I'm gonna every time, I'm gonna do action, I said, no, no, no, I better start like getting a little bit of stamina and I better practice the routines. Yeah, yeah, you gotta be like Jade. That you gotta be like Jade. I remember when I did Wild Wild West and I

became friends with Jada and with Will. I was always very impressive of what a good step mother you were, because I know you before your kids came came along, and I know you bregg you were pregnant also and really young, and I'm sorry, but you really had together. You've never been fake. You never went and follow what everybody else were doing. You got to do things for conviction.

I think I really got to know some. You know, many years ago when I called her to direct a video for me, I was still on human trafficking advocacy and she was gracious enough. Two. Yeah, you know, we had known each other by now. She was very dear to me. She called me and she said, what are you doing? She goes, I did the song, I sang it in Spanish, and you're directing the music video. Her Spanish was perfect, and that's coming from so Ha Hones

was like impeccable. And I said, who wrote this for you? On top of everything else? She goes, I did, But I do have to tell you. Some said that she would do the video, but she said only if I did it naked. Absolutely, Yeah, yeah, Nate and Anita, and she said you're gonna be naked. She made sure you is so nusty, eat it all. Yeah, deep. It's a love song about sex trafficking, and the story is about trusting a man that destroys you, luring you into sex trafficking.

And I said, I think it's important that you are as vulnerable as these women, because the obsession that men have with women's bodies, it's really threatening for us. And so she accepted to be snaked with her body as she was with her voice, and so she was very brave. She had never done it before. No, but awesome. So something you've been married for like twelve years and you're like one of the wisest women that I know. What are some of your tips for deeper connection and a relationship?

I will tell you what My best advice is that I think I love it that I have it with my husband. When there is conflict, we put all the energy in solving the problem, never finding who to blame or you should have done these or that. No, all her energy goes into how do we solve this? And so because of this, we've never said anything nastitude. That is beautiful summer. No resentment, that's a good that is a good way focus on the problem. And I'm not

figuring out the problem and figuring out together. Yea Valentina, she's thirteen. She's thirteen. Now, how how many languages is she speaking? Now? She speaks the three, Spanish, English, and French. That she always spoke sounds a lot of Italian Portuguese. But I tried to get her to do Chinese. Yeah. I always loved like when I would see her and listening to it, like, I was always fascinated. She was

so young and she was trilingual. I was like, damn, I'm up here first of all, trying to master English and trying to figure out space. And she got it. She got the three, Jada, I'm still trying to figure out the English. But thirteen, some how has that been? I remember when miss Willow was thirteen. Let's not remember that. I want to I want us to have all amnesia about that now. But Willow, she was always so proud

of you. Thank you. Such an interesting time, you know, as our daughters are transitioning into young womanhood, and so I always think that that journey between mother and daughter is a fascinating one. You know, hasn't been teaching you anything so much. I've been learning to get out of the way, and I've also learned a lot of that from you, Uh to get out always take let them be who they are, to give them the chance to take the chance to be unique and dad. It's not easy.

And when you give them a voice, the first person they use it for it's you, you know, yes. Empowerment also comes with understanding boundaries. That's what I'm talking about, You know what Willow that? I mean, it's just good Mothers are always gonna wonder am I doing the right thing? Am I did I do the right thing? Should I? Should I have? Should I? Always? Because we care and because we want to be are very very very best

for you. Sometimes when your children go away, because I have stepchildren that are older, there's such a void that you really don't know who you are anymore. There is a sense of not only of laws, it's like who am I without them? Like? What is my family? Now? I think every woman goes through that, what is my place? I remember when they start growing. I remember being in the bad room and saying, wait a minute, nobody's knocking

at the door. Mommy, You're like in the bathroom and somebody's like, mommy, just silence, No, nobody's interrupting my private moment of peace, and then you go, okay, and what do I do with this moment now that I don't have to hurry off? It's even hard to know how to chill. It's hard, like I'm chilling. I'm chilling, my god, I am making an effort to chill that transition where just like I don't know how to actually relax, I really don't know what to do with myself. It's true.

And then you It takes a process and just learning how to just be still and then remembering what is it that I like to do again? What is the things that bring me joy again? Yeah, it's a process. I want to tell you that I watched the movie that you just did, hip Man's Wife, badding so exciting, that's so fun. Always excuse me, I've seen a game with a woman, but never be sold. No, don't don't laugh, and you my age, I'm fomished. Shall we go now?

Some of you are whooping kicking. As for your funny, beautiful, witty self, I mean, it is such a pleasure to see you in a role like that. And what was really impressive is like you would like bunk that I'm letting people know I'm fifty four and yes, and we need to see more of this. You know, there's always the silver fox guy getting in the car and doing his business. We need more women in that role. I

feel less. It was conceived as maybe a girl in her forties, But the truth is that I said why and I say, let's let's make it a a woman in her fifties. And I think we should make her about her having to do all this action while she's going through menopause. I love that hilarious. And we have to convince some people, but they're like, do we have to say the word, And I'm like, it doesn't matter

about words. What matters is that we go through it. Yes, that's so interesting why it's such a like a problem When I think about it as a woman, you think that's hilarious. Hilarious, love that there's a very important message behind it, because well we're saying here is that there's no expiration dates for women. That has because you can kick us at any age, you can call your own at any age, you can dream at any age, you

can be romantic at any age. We have the right to be loved for who we are at the place that we are. We're not just here to make babies. We're not just here to baby the man. We're not just here to you know, service everything and everyone around us. And then when you when the kids go away or where there is no kids and you hit that age, its songs like expiration date for the eggs. That means expiration date for you as a woman. There's a lot of ages. M it's missunderstanding that that has been going

around for centuries. And you know what, you don't look at day not a day fifty exactly. I just gotta put that on the table right now. Well, thank you, But even if I did, I could still kick us straight up. Are you experiencing any of the symptoms of menopause? I've been for a long time, okay. I think it was my meat forties. I had to take a test and the questions were terrifying. They were asking me things like, are your ears growing and there's hair coming out of them?

Are you growing mustache and a beer? Are you easily irritable? Are you crying for no reason? Are you gaining a lot of weight really fast that doesn't go away no matter what you do. Are you shrinking? And then they

ask you it's your vagina dry? And I thought to myself, it doesn't matter if you have hair coming out of your ears and nose and a mustache and a beer and you're shrinking and you're getting big, and you're in a bad mood all day but crying at the same time, nobody's coming here, you vagiant, you have to be coming here. That thing makes no difference. What I'll tell you what they didn't tell you. Are your boobs growing? WHOA Do boobs grow during menopause? Yes, the boobs grow a lot.

For some women they get smaller. But there are some women that when you gain weight, your boobs grow, and other women that when you have children and you breast with your boobs grow and they don't go back down, and then in some of the cases when you are in menopause, they grow again. And I just happened to be one of those women that it happened in every single step when I gained weight, when I got pregnant, and when I'm in menopause. A lot of people say

that I had breast augmentation. I don't blame them. My booms were smaller was the rest of my body. But did just have kept growing many many sizes, and my back has been really suffering from it, and not a lot of people talk about this. I didn't even know that that could occur. Yeah, I mean either me neither. What about mood swings? I have gone through those periods, Maybe I still am, But you gotta kind of notice and take a deep breath and say, Okay, it'll pass.

You gotta hold it together. And also, the hot flashes are not fun, definitely not. I'm gonna be fifty this year. Some of that. Maybe that's why I'm crying all the time. Maybe that's why I've cried all the time. You're just sensitive. Now you know why you're crying all the time, Jada, You are only rying all the time because you have so much to be grateful for. Yes, you know that's not a lot, and gratitude can't move you to tears. Yes.

As you grow older, also you feel things deeper. We let ourselves be more sensitive because we don't feel as threatened. As you get stronger, I think you get the luxury of letting yourself feel everything. Yeah. There, you stronger, gain the luxury of plating yourself. You see why I love her? Yeah, let me down every time I'm around Selma. I guess school and there's not a lot of people that can school you exactly. Sounds a good one, but she schools

me every day. Even when I don't talk to her, I hear her voice in my head, I feel her energy around me. I feel her too. It's crazy, I really do. It's the depth of your spirits al must where just permeates and just engulfs. And that's the part of you I love so much. Selma. We have the fish bowl. Okay, now, the fish bowl is a red table tradition. When our red Table family heard you were coming, people lined up for questions. We wanted to pass along the gift of Selma. First, we have a Diana from

New York. What's going on? Hi? How are you? Beautiful lady? So excited to see you. So. I'm a curvaceous Latino with a busty body type, and one of the biggest challenges I've had is the assumptions that people are making about me all the time. Like, even in professional environments, I've had people make fun, you know, comments about my breast, eyes, what I look like, and just assume that like I want that sexual attention because of what I look like.

So my question is, how can I navigate and find ways to get people to respect me for who I am and take me a little bit more seriously. Okay, So the first thing is when you have big breast, it's really hard to dress. And one of the tricks is that they say, oh, you, you showed a lot of cleavage. Yes, because if you cover all the way up to here, they just look bigger and you look bigger. You need to have like some space, you know, otherwise they take over your entire Dorso all these seeds, like

the head, and then like the thing. One thing that I suggest emphasize your eyes because it's also hard for them to look up. Maybe we're laughing, but this because your eyes are smart. They're gonna hear what you have to say to connect. To make a connection, the strongest connection, I think it's through the eyes. Try to make it a focus. But I'll tell you a very good trick. Drop your voice a little bit not so high. Try to talk from the god of your stomach. Own your voice,

command with your voice the respect that you deserve. Do not be afraid of your voice. See if I start talking like this, and you can make the jokes, you know, but it's very different if I said, yeah, my babies are huge and great, you know, but like if you yes, my books are huge and great. Like high your voice on your voice, drop it projected and feel it in your God and it's where your strength is. So do not be afraid of your voice. Do not have a not here, you know, like relax your neck and speak

your truth. And they have to listen to you, and they have to look into your eyes because then they know that you're forced to be reckoned with and the whole package is there. Why not? Yeah, but thank you, thank you so much. That is amazing already better. I've always wondered how I can get my voice to like sound a little more confident. I'm doing it now a little bit. You are, and you know what, that's your real voice, right, You're not used to it, but it

is explored through your voice. You changed my life in like a minute. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to the club. Welcome to the club so much. Next we have Emily from Cleveland. Hey Emily, Hi ladies, what do you have for us today? I'm approaching my thirtieth birthday and I've been feeling a lot of pressure to get a boob en marchment as you can see, there's really not a lot going on here. I've had my boyfriend makee a couple of comments about it. It's really getting to me, but I really don't want

to go under the nights. And I guess my question is, in today's day, h how does a woman with no boobs, tiny waists, no but due to feel sexy. First of all, you said there's not much going on here, and it's like, wow, I see a lot going on there. I see. I mean, you're really striking. So I'm gonna tell you a fast story.

I have a very close friend who got a breast augmentation because the boyfriend really wanted her to get a breast augmentation and they were engaged actually, and she got them and she didn't marry her and she's had to have eight operations because of it. Right, right, Okay, if it's what you want, it's what you want. But don't let anybody dictate what to do with your body. Okay, if it's your choice, it's your choice. But it's really hard to leave with someone else's choice that didn't even

stick around. You know. You know, the mind is super powerful, So what can you do to be sexy? You know, if you're not volocked uous. I dream of wearing T shirts without a bra. You have to find what is it that you love about your body let it expand to other places. Vita used to say, I am my own work of art. That's right, and I can see that in you. I can see what you do with your hair, with your makeup, your tattoo. You are your own canvas. You are so nobody freed that would never

let somebody come and do any other painting. And you know that's what's sexy, your own confidence. That the way you move because you're comfortable in it, because you like it, because you accept it, small breast, that it's something very sexy too. Everything is sexy. It's not about the size of the bullboards that make it work for you, girl, work for you. There is sexy in every science and

every style and every color of women. Just the side to be that sexy within what you are coming from someone who has struggled with that for their whole life. I mean, I've been very small for my entire life, and you know that really takes a hit to my self esteem, you know, because the world that we live in, I mean, what a woman is supposed to look like is always changing. We're always supposed to just hop on

what the new cool thing is. What I've realized is like almost taking away that sexual perception of my body, like taking away like looking at myself naked and taking away the sexual perspective and just seeing all the different ways that my body serves me so well, like as I feel like, as women, we just get so zeroed in on am I going to be wanted by someone else?

Sometimes lose the basic fundamental reason for having a body, which is to take you through this world and to experience things that don't have to be centered around sex. And I want to tell you one more thing from a spiritual perspective. Always remember that your body is simply a casing. It is casing your spirit. The most valuable part of you is your heart art right, and your spirit, your soul. And let me tell you something. I've always

been a tiny girl too. I've always been small, small everything small and stature, small breast, small butt, small legs, small everything right. But let me tell you spirit, soul, laughter, connection, spirit girl right, Okay, And I think how you feel about yourself is so much more important than how somebody else feels about you. So if he's not happy with who you are, then maybe he needs to because, you know,

be with someone else. I don't know, I'm really uncomfortable with him after having to change your physicality for somebody else. If it's not something that you're really interested in doing it and you're happy with your body, honey, walk with it, be with that who you are? That again? Do you go? So? Thank you, so much, so welcome. So we have a video question now, our ladies. My name is Kia. I'm

forty four, divorced, and I recently started dating again. But every man that I meet seems to want a twenty year old. So my question is how can I meet an age appropriate man. You don't know how many friends I have in their forties and in their fifties that are going through the same problem. It's become an epidemic because now with the access you know, through the dating sides and all these and want to commit less than ever, just so much axes you know out there, and they

have so many choices, and it's become a real problem. Problem, It's become a real problem. I have one advice for you. Instead of really looking for men, look for new interests, find an adventure that you want to learn how to do. Let's say you want to learn how to do judo.

Find something that excites you that might also attract the kind of man that represents some of the things that you liked and that you could share with someone and that you've never had that chance, So that you get a chance to find somebody also that's not looking and that it's painting the perfect picture. Oh, I want her twenty with this kind of body, with this So find

an activity that you're interested in. Ye. I agree with Alma because I had a friend who was going through the same thing, and you guys know that I like to dance, and I invited her to come out and dance with me. It was really about finding some new activity to get your life together. And she ended up finding a guy. I had a step in community there you girls, and they're happily married now. But it was all about focusing on her. It wasn't about looking for

a man. Yeah, you know, it just comes to words. You enjoyed the dance, Yeah, yes, Selma, I don't even want to say ready to you. I know, I just want to come back any time. I just want to come back in person and I want some food on the red table. Mexican food to the Red table. You can come here any time you come here and talk about the Yellow Pages for all I can. I'm coming over there to give that monitor a hug because, oh

there you go. Thank you Selma and calling the three of you magnificent women and an example, an example to families, to women the world. Keep shining your light, no matther who we blinds, as long as it doesn't blind yourselves. Oh my god, thank you, Thank you so much. I love you so much. Mi too. I can't wait to see you. The hip man's wife Bundyguard is out. Now, go make sure you see that ward to middle aged women. Yes, we got someone in there kicking egg. Yeah, before with menopause.

I love it. I love it. That's why I love it. Yes, make sure you go and support big time. Oh that was good. That was so great. Oh my god, I love her so much. Yeah, she is so funny is when you're with her, just how he her, just how loving she is, it will just feel like you're just in a big hug all day. It's just just a big hug when you're in her presence. Yeah, Yeah, was great to join the red table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook dot

com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by Facebook, Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.