Positively Gam: Intimacy w/ Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry

with me on the couch. Okay, what's up everybody? I'm Gammy and this is positively gam Every week I have raw, in depth conversation with inspirational people pushing for change on everything from relationships, aging, politics, wellness, to the current issues facing the black community. But in this episode, we're going to be talking about sex. After fifty Yes. Joining me is Dr Tiffany Davis Henry, one of the most sought

after license sex and relationship experts. She even has her own private practice in Atlanta called Intimate Details, and those exactly the kind of details we all really want to know. So Dr Tiffany tell me more about Intimate Details And why did you land on that particular name. That's such

a good question, Gabby. So like when I started thinking about the type of work that I knew I wanted to do within my psychotherapy practice, like I wanted a name that really resonated with the work, but also kind of clude people in that it's what we're gonna be talking about is intimate, but it is within those details that the work and the healing and the transformation actually happens. Now, I found that the women appreciate that name. The men are like, oh no, that means she's get ready to

getting my business. I don't think I want to go. It's kind of a double edged sword. Some people love it and then some people are very very skeptical. But you know, it is the intimate details that I'm after, and I can't really help with those, you know, whether it's mental health challenges or actual challenge without getting to those intimate details. So that's why I think, do you find that your practice is more individuals or does it

end up being more couples. It's I would say it's a good mix of both, and it's also a really good mix of a very I just have a very diverse clientele. So I see lots of women, lots of straight couples, lots of gay couples, lots of I see a lot of trans women. I've seen um just couples that are older and I see couples that are just starting out and younger, so it's it's a wide range

of people. There's no set demographic. I will say though, that one thing that I found early on, especially with married heterosexual couples, I would get a lot of calls from men calling for me to see their wives. Really, the conversation would go something like this, like, you know, my wife has had been problems. She's just she just doesn't want to have sex anymore. Her libido is low, or she's having lists of the sex desire and I really don't know what's wrong. So can she make an

appointment with you? And I said, well, you know what, she can, but it would be really helpful if you would come to I think I know what the problem is, and the problem is on the other end of this phone. Can you believe that some man is calling me to fix his wife. They're analyze the problem gay, that's the problem. I can relate to that absolutely. I can relate to feeling like the problem is all mine. Yeah, I'm not taking that rap anymore. That's the devil's work. I think

things absolutely change as we age. Sex in your twenties is different from sex in your thirties, and it's different. It's sex in your forties. It evolves over time. We evolve over time, and if think about it, it should. I'm not the same person that I was ten twenty years ago, So why I think the same things, feel the same things, be the same person in the bedroom.

Different experiences, different relationships, different abilities. So it definitely changes as you get older, but it doesn't have to dissipate or you know, just go away. A lot of times I think that people feel like, you know, as I'm getting older, we'll only have so many more years to have sex and then that's over with. And that's not the case at all. And I want to just say

to that. I know. I'm hoping that there are young women that are are listening to this as well, because hopefully, if they're lucky, you know, they're not having this challenge now, but they will. And I know that for me things have only gotten better. Good say for me, say that you know me perfectly. I I really really enjoy sex. Yeah,

well good, you don't have to giggle about it. It's like saying with you, and I guess it's just come from experience and just being open minded because I must say that based on what my mother told me about sex, I can certainly understand why I had issues for so many years. And what was the messaging though, What was the messaging that your mom shame and guilt. It was just a lot of shame and get which is so interesting because my mother was very and I don't want

this to end up with me on the couch. Okay, well listen, give me. You're not paying me. You're not paying me, so this is just girlfriends. If you were paying me, then we'd have a whole another conversation. So we're just we're just talking, that's all. It was. Just it was just really I mean, I don't know if it was like the time, you know, back in the day, but it was just a lot of shame and guilt around sex, like don't let a boy put his tongue in your mouth, and you know, just making it everything

kind of dirty and shameful. Just the opposite with my daughter with Jada, yeah, you know, and never even shared with me that she was having these conversations with Dada. So I'm glad she did. Yeah, because she did a good job. Shada was quite comfortable with her sexuality and that wasn't because of me, because I shared with Jada what my mother shared with me and what my experiences were. Isn't that just like a grandmother though, to go behind

your back and everything does that? She never said a word. I had no idea until Jada was like an adult and shared it with me. And it's funny because I think the message when when we were younger was it centered around a lot of around, especially for girls growing up, not getting pregnant like that was the number one thing. Don't game to the family. Don't get exactly exactly that's

what That's what I felt like. I felt like she was trying to scare us, you know, out of not you know, getting pregnant, and obviously it didn't work because you know what, I was seventeen. So getting back to sex after fifty, what kind of changes do you think that we can expect, you know, as our bodies get older. Yeah, so sexual functioning in and of itself, So you're looking at things like desigre or libido, which we've kind of

hinted at. You're looking at arousal and the physiology of your body kind of getting itself ready for sex, intercourse and orgasm and that excitement and orgasmic phase as well. So there are so many things that can change. But I think the biggest indicator, or one of the biggest indicators of what's going to cause a change in your sexual functioning is going to be hormones. That's one of the biggest ones. You know, as you're getting older, you

have relationship changes. So as people get older, they may be getting divorced, so you don't necessary in back in dating pools and things like that, so you have a different, different set of circumstances and maybe you did twenty years ago when you got married. I find that individuals that are older, getting older over fifty, it's a whole new world for them, just navigating how to date at this point and when to have sex and what the norms

really are. One of the fastest growing populations of people with sexually transmitted affections the most increased, right or with older adults, they're not wearing condoms. Part of that is, especially with men, there tends to be some sensitivity issues. So so think about think about it this way. I'm on a medication that lowers my blood pressure, right, let's just say that, and erection is blood flow going to

the penis. So now I'm having your reptile issues. And one of the things that helps me gain an erection is sensation and feeling. So whether that's through oral sex or through male manipulation or masturbakin or whatever, that's what

helps me get hard. Right, So now I have to put on a condom, which condoms are designed basically to desensitize and help you to last a little bit longer as well as to protect you from s t I S. So putting on a condom for a lot of men, as they get older, especially if they already have some reptile dysfunction, they don't want to do it. And that's why because it decreates their sensitivity. And then as people get older, um too, and as a woman, like let's say these are to a man and a woman, UM

having sex. I may have a lot of vaginal dryness and one the few things that I want is this latex material rubbing against the vaginal laws when I'm already having a problem with lubrication. But our condoms lubricated, some of them are, and it depends on what they're lubricated with. So some people are allergic to latex. Some people are allergic to certain lubricants so or have sensitivities to those things. So it's really important that you know what it is

you're putting on and in your body. So sometimes those some people have irritations just to the lubricant that's on the condom. So it's it's there are lots of ways that we can like some add ins and some additions and things that will help out with that. But also you know, its sensitivity is an issue with you know, prolonging intercourse, staying hard, thonger and all of that. You're gonna want a lou that's got more staying power to that's not gonna dry out in the middle of sex,

because then it's not fun anymore. Right, Well, talk to me a little bit before we get into lubrication. Talk to me a little bit about the female vagina, because it's more than just dryness. It's also the thinning of the lining of the vagina. Correct, yes, yes, Because I think people need to really understand what's going on with their bodies right um, and I'm not sure that everybody is really clear. So one of the things that happens as we age is we tend to have a decrease

in amount of estrogen. Right, women do. And estrogen plays a huge role in our sexual health and our I guess really even the way that we feel about our sexuality. So estrogen, with low levels of estrogen, it's going to decrease your sex drive or decrease your sexual desire, your your motivation to be sexual. It increases vaginal dryness, and with vaginal dryness comes painful intercourse. So what tends to happen that lining in the vagina tends to get a

little bit, it tends to get thinner. You also have some elasticity issues. But estrogen is huge. Hormone replacement therapies and things like that that replaced those estrogens is huge, and it makes a big, big improvement on people's ability to feel more sexual and want to have more sex. When sex is painful, you don't want to have it any exactly exactly. So even if your desire works fine, but if the sex is painful, then your desire is working fine because you don't want to have sex when

it's painful. You shouldn't want to have sex when it's painful. So let's talk about You talked a little bit about men. Is there anything else that we need to know about men as far as the changes that their bodies go through. So a lot of I think one of the biggest thing, and we did hints on the erectile issues. So for men when I see them in my practice, more of their concerns are about premature jack reculation or erectile dysfunction.

Premature ejaculation meaning basically, I'm ejaculating before I would like to, and the erectile dysfunction I'm not able to obtain or maintain an erection for the length of time that i'd like or the hardness that I would like. Yeah, and a lot of their issues maybe from medications that they're on. Correct when it has to medication, if it has to do with yeah, definitely with erection, it usually is a blood flow thing, so we're talking about blood pressure. We're

also talking about diabetes as well. So with that effect their libido as well. It well. So libido is a funny thing because it's tied to so many things. If your performance isn't what you want it to be, then it's not gonna make you want to have sex as much. So libido sexual desire is one's motivation to be sexual. So I am feeling like, you know, I'm not performing at my best. I can't stay hard for longer than thirty seconds. I don't want to have sex anymore because

it's not fun. It's almost like the person um that says I've never had an orgasm. They don't want to have sex, so there's no payoff at the end. Their goal is either to last a certain amount of time, or to climax or to have their partner climax, and if they can't do those things, it makes them less motivated to have sex. So it does impact the libido in a way, in a roundabout way. Yeah, So I feel like a lot of this is really is psychological.

To then, when someone walks in my office and says they have some sort of sexual issue, whether it's orgasm or sexual desire or um just being aroused, I'm looking at three things. I'm looking at the biological, psychological, coal and social issues. So biological being hormones or medications or illness that they've had, and things like that that would impede the physiology of whatever is impacting them. Then I'm looking at the psychological stuff. So are they depressed, are

they fatigued? How are they sleeping? Are they super anxious, do they have difficulty with concentration or control? All the psychological things that I would look at on a normal person, and then kind of figuring out where those dots connect for them sexually. And so if you are partnered with someone that you do not like or the sex isn't what you would like it to be. Yeah, I always say,

you're like your vagina talks to you. It really does, and it will shut down on you so fast if you're so Some times that dryness is not about there being some sort of hormonal issue. But also, and I'm sure you have girlfriends that have experienced as people stay together way past expiration. They that's something that you know, when I see couples like that, I want to know what it what that thing is when things turned off, and what it is we can do to kind of

fix that if they want to. Now, there are some couples who could care less about exactly. That's That's the other thing that I wanted to say, Like, some people are okay with it. Yeah, you know, they're they're they're totally fine with it. So has there ever been not in this current relationship, right, but in previous relationships, has there ever been a time where maybe you didn't feel like having sex or your partner didn't and that became

like an issue, a real issue in your relationship. Yes, yeah, absolutely. It was an issue to the point where my husband at the time wanted us to go to a sex therapist. Did you go? I did not, But we were in therapy already, so I did not go to a sex therapist. But you know, I was able to have conversation about it and just release some some of that guilt and shame that I had on but and what he said to me was, don't you want to feel good? M hm?

And I had to really think about that. I had to really think about that, like, because once I was actually engaged, I did absolutely, yes, but it was just getting there. Oh oh, so you're saying like I didn't necessarily have the desire before sex started, but once sex got going, then it was great. The sexual desire was the part that you were looking right, and so you feel like it was that part of you that had been told like sex is bad, you shouldn't enjoy sex.

You just or what was it? I think it was a little bit of that. I think as as time went on, it turned out to be the relationship itself, and a lot of what you were saying before, if if you're not happy in the relationship, then yeah, yeah, we're kind of forcing yourself to do something that like you really not that in are standing doing. And granted people can have great sex and not like the person,

but it doesn't necessarily make you desire it. It's just like I do it because you know, it's a stick I need. And then as time went on and I was having the physic physiological symptoms, I felt like I was being made to feel like it was I needed to figure it out, that we need to figure it out. And so that's why that example resonated with you. I think that I gave at the beginning because what typically happens, especially with men, they feel like the person with the

low desire is the person that's the problem. Yeah, not problem. Yes, so we're gonna send her to therapy or hymn to therapy. I'll sit home and wait on her to get fixed and then we can go ahead. And so, and that's not the way that I work as a sex therapist, and most sex therapists won't work that way because what we know is that there are two people in this relationship, and there is often something that that other person is doing or not doing that it's causing the sexual desire

to be low. And so whenever I would get those calls, and it's just like, well, can you just see this person and fix them and send them back to me? Now I need to see you too, sir. Yeah. It could be that you have talked down to her for so many years and she's just sick of it and she doesn't like you anymore, and your behavior, she I can't make her want to have sex with you. Actually, her vagina is working just fine. She should not want to have sex with you because of how you're acting.

And so sometimes people need to hear that and see that that it's not just because they are the identified patient the one with the issue, does not mean they are the one with the problem. Got it, Yeah, got it all right? So let's move on to toys and loops, because I feel like some of these toys are very complicated. Now, I for one, have never been someone who is really interested in using toys. I just really didn't get it.

And my girl, I can remember my girlfriends we were talking about it and it was several of them at the same time that said you don't use toys, and I was like, no, when you got a man and know what you're doing, you know what that Well, that's true. But it turns out that my husband was the one who bought me my first toy. Awesome. I thought that was interesting. So it's it's fine, but it's it's a very basic toy. And sometimes I look at these things

that they just look like contraptions. I'm like, what are you supposed to say? Don't come with directions? Like I almost feel like I need a video, like, you know, you can show me what what I'm supposed to do with this. Most of the toys you have videos that go with them if you go to the actual distributors website. But you know, some of the other videos might be

a little too pornographic. So toys and loops. So one of the I think one of the greatest gifts, especially as we age for women and for men, one of the greatest gifts is lubricants. Yes, and which are the best because for me, in my experience, it has been a real struggle, seriously, because I'm about gotting on too much and if we're just slipping and sliding all over the place or it's not enough, you know, So it

certainly does. It does depend on what it is that you're doing and what it is that you're needing at the time. So one of the best brand, the brand that I really love and I always will recommend to people, is called Liquid s l I q u I D And they make natural and organic loops and that is why I like them because all of their things, they're usually glittering free, pair have been free and just very very easy on the skin, the least amount of skin irritations.

And they come in a lot of different variations. I have one here this is Liquid oceanics Um. This particular one is botanical infused and so it has like karagean nori and wacami. But lubricant is just so it's one of those things where people just want to be a hero and don't want to use it, and you know you need to if your body isn't doing what it normally would do, especially as we're aging, have the loop

by the bed. There is no tre in that. Younger people, you know, your bodies don't always work your vagina and always doing what you wanted to do at the time. That you wanted to do it. So in terms of the types of loop though, there are basically three main types. There's water based, there's silicone base, and then there's a hybrid, meaning there's a mixture of the two. Water based loops are really great, obviously, their water based silicone loops tend to be a lot thicker or a little bit thicker

because they're not water based. The great thing about silicone based loops is they have more staying power. So we're looking for something, let's say, for anal sex, I would not recommend a water based loop because it's going to dry out quicker. And we know that the anus does not self lubricate like the vagina dust. So you want something that's actually gonna stay there and be there for a minute. But because of that thickness, a lot of

people don't like it for vaginal sex sometimes. But what with water based loops, so even though they're great, they will dry out quicker, so you might find if you need to reapply it. So it is about and so hybrids are really good because it's kind of the gift of both either a little bit thicker, but they're not as watery. Now let me tell you what I used to.

I have like these little vaginal and suppositories that once again my good good friends shared with me that they were great, and it's nothing but cocoa butter, it's an estriol in it, vitamin E and bees wax. We had these little, tiny little suppositories that I that I use and and and they work really really well. Now I still feel like I tend to need a little lubricant for actual intercourse. There are some women and you probably

will have some listeners that can attest to this. We're just walking around during the day at the grocery store. They're having like this feeling of chafing or just vaginal dryness just from walking around. And so those suppositories are

really great. And you were talking about you were talking about anal sex, which which I would like to just touch on a little bit because in another conversation woman was saying that vaginal penetration as she got older was so painful for her that she just could not tolerate it. She chose anal sex interesting, and I thought that was, like, that's insane. I had a very brief attempt at that as a young woman, and I was like, absolutely stop that right now. Don't stop stop, so anal sex doesn't

have to be bad. One of the things that helps immensely is lube, So that is that's step number one, and then the right type of lube is step number two. The other thing that really helps is the person that is receiving has to be in control, and that's where people make the mistakes. The person that is penetrating usually tries to be in control, but because the anus does not lubricate, and because it has so many nerve endings there,

it is prone to tearing. And the thin the skin is so thin in the anus, it is very very much prone to tearing. So the person that's penetrating would never have an idea about it being painful. The person on the receiving end would. So that's the person that kind of needs to start with movements and making sure that it goes at a pace that they needed. And a lot of people once they switch who's in control and have the right loop and pacing is worked out,

they have a better experience. But it's not something I usually tell people to start with the smallest thing that they had, Like start with a finger before you go with a penis and that and that's a good thing, because she never did clarify. Yeah, any simulation is it's one of those things like I have I have a toy here somewhere, um, and I put it out because I didn't know he was gonna talk about anal sex game. Well I know that. And my husband tells me that, like, listen,

there are women out here that enjoy that. Because I'm always like what and he's like, litten, relax on that because there are people that actually enjoy that. Yeah, And it's and there are people that don't enjoy some things that you enjoy. So just when you think about it that way, we all have our own kink, all of our things that we like. But anals what I'm gonna show you is just is an example of a toy.

This is a bit alarming for some people. But this is an anal plug and they come in different types of materials and um iterations. This is stainless steel gammy good good um, and it is quite heavy. It has some weight to it. And this could be for a man or a woman. Right, use a lot of loop and they come in smaller sizes and things like that. With this, if it's this for a man, it is really good for prostate stimulation. Guys tend to like this

or that. And for women, sometimes a lot of women will use these butt plugs or anal bees or things like that and leave them in. They use use them for stimulation of the anus right whether they're having sex or not. But I've known plenty of women to leave these types of things in while they're having sex. And the type of orgasm or the fullness that they feel. It looks like a metal almost like a metal dildo,

but it's as colder than that. Well, it's short, and and you got to make sure you have the ring on the end of it too, because you don't want anything getting stuck up in there. You need to be able to just pull it right on out. But it looks like it does not look comfortable to me, But it does have kind of a curve in it kind of, so I guess that's where the proces. Yeah, it's gonna go right on in and then it'll hit the prostate

in a way that is super stimulating to guys. And then, like I said, for women that use these, they just have the words that they use are like fullness, like if they're have this inserted and and it's while they're having sex. There is a different type of stimulation orgasm or vaginal orgasm that they get. That's interesting. I'm gonna stay right over there though. That's fine, that's that is absolutely fine. So can we talk? Can we talk about your G spot? Gammy? What you want to talk about

my spot? What about it? Have you found it? You know what she used? Okay, I just found her recently. What's going on? What's her name? For women that don't know, I think I always love to talk about that just because a lot of people feel like, okay, a cltal orgasm, Yeah, I know what that is. I have those all the time, vaginal orgasms, Okay, but the G spot orgasm seems to

be pretty elusive for a lot of people. They either feel like they don't have a G spot if they never had the orgasm, or if they've had it, they've had it once or twice, or and what usually happens is they don't allow themselves to have it. So the G spot, I'm the stand up just for a minute, although I know, like this is a podcast and folks

can't always see. Okay, yes, and you'll tell people, so if you're standing up in front of me if I were to insert my fingers this way, right, it is about two to three inches up here, right within the vaginal wall, pelvis, all of that right, so about two three and it's gonna feel kind of like a being or pe a line of being. It's just yeah, it's

just a yeah kind of. So, with prolonged stimulation of the G spot, you will have a different type of orgasm than like your cltal orgasm or your vaginal orgasm. And a lot of women will report swirting, which is a gush of fluid when they have an orgasm. A lot of times it's gonna feel like you're pe or

that you have to pee. So when you're in bed, or when you're wherever you are with your partner and they're stimulating you with your hands, or even if it's with a toy and you start to have that feeling of oh my gosh, I have to pee, I gotta stop a lot of times it's not that you have to pee, it's just that the G spot sits next to the scheme's gland. So the G spot, with prolonged stimulation, it becomes a lot more pronounced or more engorged with blood. Right,

So that makes it thicker. And when that happens is that it starts to press up against the bladder, that engorgement, that little lump that you're starting to feel it's gonna press up against the bladder, and for some people that causes what feels like contractions of the bladder or spasm ng of those bladder muscles. And it's usually not that you have to pee, but that sensation is what's making

you feel as though you do. And if you're one of those lucky or blessed individuals who has experienced a g spot orgasm, you know, if you're having that prolonged stimulation, while it may seem like or feel like you're gonna pee, that fluid is actual coming from the skins glan which sits right next to urethra on either side, and that is thought to be kind of a female prostate, and it is an ejaculate. It is not urine, but it is a hell of a good time and it's a

great orgasm. And I like to say that it's a neat party trick for people that actually can do it. But more often than not, if you're feeling like you have to urinate or p um and you know that your bladder is empty. Just ride that feeling on out and you will probably have one of the best orgasms

of your life. And to ensure that you don't pe, just pee before you start, P, before you start love making, P, before you start your inter chorus, P, before you start like, just pee first, and then you don't have to worry about that. You'll already know in your mind, Okay, this is not I don't have to pee because I just pee. Yeah, Well, that that was very interesting when I found that spot.

I bet it was found that spot myself. When you have those vibrators and I think you mentioned some of these that kind of have a curb at the top or the rabbit or hook or whatever, a lot of times it's so that it gets to that G spot. So sometimes when they have those tips on them that look a little funny or they curb over, that's for G spot pleasure. That's what those Okay, so I'm gonna scare you again, Gammy, I'm so sorry. In advance. This is another toy. It's by it's by the same company.

It's called enjoy in j O y Um, and it's this what in the entirety are you supposed to do with that a huge thing. It's not that big, it's it is one, but the whole thing isn't going in there. Gammy, my goodness. So here's the thing. This is called a pure wand it looks like a great big smiley face. That's the shape of it. Smile pay, but it really doesn't smiles. And it hooks rightly as you right to

the g spot. The thing about the loop, so you could use a water base or a silicone use loop with something like this UM, but most of the toys that you have UM on the market today are gonna be some form of silicone and never want to use This is super important. You never want to use a

silicone loop with a silicone TOYO. It sounds kind of it sounds like you would want to do that, but what happens with silicone loops is they start to break down the integra the toy, so you end up getting more bacteria and things like that in it, and then the toy you end up having a throw the tory way sooner than you would now that is that is one thing too about the metal UM toys that you've been showing. It does look like they're easier to clean

and make. It's got a whole lot of crevices. And yeah, with any of those, make sure that there I was say, medical grade silicone is what I look for, and it'll say it on the package. Sometimes you do have to spend a little bit more, but I think it's so much better and those products are safer. You want to um try and make sure that they don't have things like parabins or thalids, which is a toxic gas kind of chemical that they put to preserve toys and things.

You don't want those in those products because you're putting those toxics then into your body. So get medical grade products. So stainless steel is great, medical grade silicone glass is really good. Now we gotta get these men involved. So the next two that I'm gonna show you are for men or or a couple of toys. I say a couple of toys therefore men, but it really is going

to benefit you. So one of the things that guys tend to be intimidated by, obviously are those big deal thos, the big penises with the rabbit on the end and the pearls that spin around and all that, because their penises will never do at and so a lot of times they feel like, well, if you're gonna if you're doing that, like what can I do? That's a lot of times why they don't like toys. So what we want to do is kind of empower guys. They don't have to be scared of it, and I think we

can include them in the process. So this is one thing that I recommend to include them in the process. Is a penis ring. This is what a different type of penis ring. Again, this is a rechargeable toy medical gray silicone. This expands so it goes over the penis and at the base of the penis, so closest to the body, right, And so what happens is as he becomes erect, it causes the blood flow to stay at

the penis. So if I have a guy who has problems with maintaining an erection, a penis ring is really really good because it's gonna trap blood flow towards the end of it. So when you're supposed to put that on in the beginning before he gets it wrecked, yes, okay, or at the beginning the process process. Right beginning of the process is a little bit easier, but even after he's erect, it's gonna stretch, So yeah, you can put it on after he's erect, and then it traps blood flow. There.

The great thing about this one is that it vibrates, so he then feels like he's got a penis as a power tool. As he's penetrating you, you're feeling that vibration too, so you're getting cleteral stimulation. See, Okay, because I was one of those that I didn't know how to use. Yeah, and I think a lot of people wait until they're erect to put him on, which I think is fine. Just put it on base of the penis,

turn it on. It vibrates. He feels amazing because he feels like he's doing something he you've never done before. It is pilotic. And then for you, he starts to his penis does kind of vibrate a little bit. But as he's as he's going in and out penetrating, you're feeling that on your clitterance, which is so love it. You will love you will love those people love it.

So definitely try it. Okay, I definitely try this. And I have one yes, have to go shopping and the next you got homework today, work now the next one is another one that you're gonna be like, what in the world is that? So this last one is one that does confuse people when they see it, but they get it. Have you seen something that looks like this? I have and what I don't know that does? Okay, I'm explaining this to you too. Do you have one

of these? No? I don't. You're gonna get one. So this is a we vibe W E B I B E. And they have a lot of different versions of this. They're probably up to like five or six now. But what this is is a couple's toy. You can use this individually for you, or it can be for you and him. I love it as a couple's toy. This is a toy that I give to people when they get married, like this is my wedding gift. This bottom part is inserted in you. And this is a rechargeable

toy too. There's little bitty bitty hole. I don't even think you can. You can barely see it as right here, and it's waterproof. So let's say this is the vagina, right it goes the bottom part goes in just like this, right, Okay, So it's inside the vagina clatorus is here, so this

part is vibrating, so you're getting cliteral stimulation. Right, he enters you here, so he's feeling the vibration on his penis and and as he enters is pushing up against your G spot, so you're getting c literal ANGI spot simulation and his penis is getting stimulated. This has to have this, you have to. This is great wow. And it's medical gray silicone again, so this is something that's super easy to clean. And you'll use a water based lupercant with this. The cockering and the we vibe. I'm

definitely feeling the weed vibe alright. So onto debunking some of these whole myths that are out here, because there are plenty. So Number one, after menopause, women experience a permanent decrease in libido true or false false false false. Some people do experience increases or decreases. I think that sexual desire, hands down is the number one thing that brings people into my office when they have a low

sexual desire. But the truth is that of women at some point in their life will have low sex desire exactly almost all. And I actually think that the number is higher. I think all of us will experience it at some point. It ebbs and flows, It fluctuates depending on where you are in the relationship, where you are

in life cycle, where you just are in life. So exactly exactly, because I know, like in my fifties, I really I was going through a lot of medical issues at that time too, and so I had a huge drop in my libido. But now, you know, now I'm in my sixties, and it seems like my libido has really come back full force. And I think a lot of that has to do with my relationship as well, probably doing your relationship with yourself, like yeah, and having

been through all of that. So I always tell my friends who are struggling, like, keep hope alive, they don't come back, don't worry. Yeah, you know, they always say, you know, And I think it's important to remind and I've been reminding myself of this all year. Is this to shell pass. So even if it's a good time that you're having in great sex, this too, sial pirls might but if it's bad, this social pass. Right, Okay, myth number two orgasms disappear after menopause. We ain't doing that.

We ain't living that life. That's what you can definitely definitely attest to that that now. They may be a little bit more challenging to get at times, and you may find different types of orgasms as you age, just like you you just found your juice spot on. But there are people who have anal orgasms and find a different type of orgasm. Yeah. So I think our orgasmic

capacity changes over time. Whereas you know, some women say, you know a cltal orgasm, I always get it, and then there becomes a time when like it's not as easy to get, or a vaginal orgasm has been evasive all these years, but finally you're able to have them. So it's gonna fluctuate the type of orgasm you have. Is things will work sometimes and not. That's why position Different positions are great and toys are awesome. Okay, one

thing you do you just talked about is positioning. What is the best way to try to introduce different positions? There are you can get these on Amazon or sex toy shops and even some just regular Barns and Noble prestanding bookstores will have books of sex positions. And I think those are great because a lot of times we get stuck in our head about the positions that we've always done or that our partner has always done, and

we can't really think outside of the box. Sometimes it takes a visual of seeing a different position to say I don't know, nobody can do that, or you know, And so I think trying different positions is great, and especially especially as we age, certain positions may cause pain. So lying on your back might not be the thing for you for a long period of time if you have let's say, sciatic nerve problems or different types of issues, or maybe leg pain will cause you not to be

able to do a certain position. So definitely, as we age, we have to think about different positions. Another kind of pseudo toy is a wedge. A lot of there are a lot of Liberator makes one. I think Candy makes one now one, and I you know, I actually just saw that recently and I was like, wow, I think I might want to try that. It's a good idea, especially because it takes pressure off certain areas of the body.

It allows you to position yourself. So before buying it, if you're trying to decide if this would be helpful or not, use talking of pillows to see how it. If you have kind of an adjustable mattress, use that to your advantage as well, just to see if a different positioning of your head or your kIPS or your legs would help. But those position books really do help, because I think sometimes we get kind of stuck in

our ways and don't think about things. But if you take it, take positioning and use that as kind of your sex toy, A lot of people find greater comforts also, like straps and I know, swings and all those kinds of stuff. Those aren't a necessarily the things that people envision themselves having in their bedroom, but they certainly do help, especially when we talk about like disability or not being able to have like missionary style sex, or I need to be sitting up because of how you know, my

back or my leg pain or whatever. You can still have sex and have some ailments and things going on. You just have to have the right supports in place to be able to do it right. And what would you say is the best way to introduce that kind of discussion? Though I still find it just a tap it awkward. So one thing one thing that I would suggest is to have people listen to this podcast. Just say, you know what, will you listen to this podcast with me and then we can talk about it afterwards. What

did you learn? Let me tell you what I took away. Yeah, so so that kind of thing. I think. Also one thing that I do have people do, especially when they're in my office, and granted they're in my office because they have some sort of issue. I love a good always sometimes the never lists for people. So always are the things and couples will work on there is independently and then's share it with people. But when it comes to sex, like these are the things that I will

always do. I'm always down for oral sex. I'm always gonna, you know, kiss the back of your neck like you like it or whatever it is. Sometimes we can do an't know, but just don't be expecting it every time, because I got to get my mind around that there's always there these always, sometimes and never things and then get a person, get each of you in the in a relationship to write your own lists and then swap them out sharing with each other. That's one way. Oh

that's a good way. I like that I like And then once we get that book of positions, right, I would if it's a paper book, and I know we don't necessarily want to destroy books, but one thing that you could do is tear out each page, ball it up or fold it up, put it in a big basket or jar, and each night and then it's a surprise. Oh that's cool. That's a great idea like that, Okay, cool, This has been a blast. Thank you so much for

sharing your your expred avice. You guys can find all of Dr Tiffany's information on our website, Dr Tiffany dot com and we will definitely need to have a part two so I can scare yes, because you've got homework girl, and I need to know everything that had absolutely, thank you so much. I appreciate you. Here are a few takeaways from my conversation with Dr Tiffany. Number one, the person with the problem is not always the one causing it.

M Number two, Aging is a process. We all will go through it if we're blessed, so give yourself great. Number three the always sometimes never list great idea to start a conversation about trying new things. Number four, no silicon own on silicone, got it? No silicone on silicone. Remember that that's important. Number five, remember to p first before sex. And on that note, I'm headed out to get my weed by Thank you guys for listening, and thank you again to my guest, Dr Tiffany Davis Henry.

If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate and review the episode. Follow me on Instagram at Adrian Banfield Nurris to share with me your thoughts on the episode. I'm here, I'm talking, and I'm listening, and there's always

stay grateful. Positively GAM is produced by Westbrook Audio. Executive producers Adrian Banfield Narris, Jada Pinkett Smith, Amanda Brown, and Fallon jethro Co Executive producer sim Hoti, segment producer Ash Francis, Associate producers Erica Ron and Kobe Hartberg, editor and mixer Calvin Bailiff. Positively GAM is in partnership with Art nineteen h