Motherhood

a mini skirt. Everything is by the book. And then we have my daughter, Willow Camille rain Smith Willow seventeen. She breaks all the rules. They're both on two extreme sides of the spectrum, and funny enough, guess where I land In the middle. We will be talking about the world around us, about what we're going through, because we're all going through something we're going to have. I'm so excited, tag put it all on the table or the Red Table. Were about the Red Table day. This is our first

episode and I just had the biggest epiphany. Motherhood and everything that comes with it is our red hot topic. When I met Will, he had a son. My entry point to motherhood was co mothering with Will's ex wife Shari and this is the first time I'm sitting down to talk about our journey. I want to show you, guys, my conversation with Shari. I think it might be really uncomfortable. Bitch, you living in a house I picked out. I never wanted you to be in that situation, like not date

Will at all. It has been a hell of a journey. There, everybody around the lights pleases, I'm ready, let's do this. Here we go. Yes, the table of passion, the table of truth, the red table. Today we are talking about and celebrating motherhood. When I married Will, I had a bonus son that came with that marriage named Trey. And with Trey came his mother, Shari. And my first introduction to motherhood was actually co mother ing with Shari. Remember

that I never wanted that for you, I know. So I had an opportunity to talk with Sharie about our blended family. It has been a hell of a journey. This was the first time we did this. I was super nervous. You know, how did she feel about doing it? You know what? She was super open. Well, I'm gonna let you come over here, sit sit next to gam so that you guys can so read this is the first time to sit down together and talk about this

blended family situation. And you know, I think it's so important because there's so many people that are going through this. We've been doing this for twenty plus years. That's a long time. That's long. Asked her. The beginning between us was rough. And here's the one thing I will say in hindsight, because I did not understand marriage, I didn't understand divorce, I will say that I probably should have

fell back. Think I do. And I'm gonna tell you why I would have fell back, because I feel like when Will and I first started dating, you know, I had this thing in my mind was like, okay, well you did that, and that's done. You know all you thought it was done that part. See, that's where I was wrong. Yes, Now being a married woman and if Will and I were to get divorced, now, oh my god.

So when I think back about where I was some of my insensitivities and my inconsideration just in regards to you guys unwinding a marriage and then me trying to get in there and like, all right, so we got trade, we got okay, so this is what we need to do. And you know just I remember like blessed a little hard. I remember I was dropping him off and a little miss Things said we need to talk about trades behavior. I was like, we all need to sit down and have it right. I was like, go get his daddy.

Do you remember that conversation that we had on the phone that time? I do. It was fighting word. Very few times in my life I can recall being checked real hard where I didn't have nothing to say. You did that I did, but you weren't out a line. You picked a the phone and I wasn't really respectful. Trey was at the house. I'm calling to talk to Tray,

but I had to go through you to get to him. Okay, so you basically let me know I don't really appreciate your tone, and I was like, I don't amatic, and you hung up on me. I called back and I happened to say, quote, bitch, you living in the house I picked out. You said, it's my house. Now, I want you to know will Smith let me have it? What was his take? His take was that is trays mother and that's just not your place. Yeah. The next time I saw you was in the foyer of my

You took the initiative to make things right. And the one thing I will say about you, you would always say read I apologize, you always owned it and thank you for that. Absolutely. Yeah. One thing that Will has always been really clear about, which is really beautiful, is the mother dynamic. Basically, his position was I'm always willing to hear I'm open ears, but you have to understand

she's trades mother. It took a lot of maturity because I didn't know that, and he knew when to step off when he was like, that's between you and Red, y'all gotta figure it out. And you know what, I think part of my responsibility is to respect you. We have to understand that just that level of respect and consideration, you know, and that takes a minute to get to. What would you say was the most difficult point for

you in regards to this dynamic. The most difficult part was the week he told me he was introducing you to Tray and I said, no, I don't think that's a good idea, and he's like, well, it's happening, you know. So Trey comes home. I said, how did you like miss Jada? He said, I really liked her. Mommy, Oh, my God, thank you for loving my baby. Oh so he comes, he says, I want to get her a present, and he wanted to get you a little candle. That was a turning point because I did see your heart

with Tray. You know, I did see that you love this kid, you really did, and I saw a woman who was doing the very best she could. I'll be honest with you, I had my doubts. I'm not ad because I do. You remember when you told me it was Tray's birthday party and you had invited me, and you looked at me and you said, you know he's not easy. Right? Was I talking about Willow Trey? You've been talking about will was right? So I'm saying, girlfriend, just looking at just looking out. But yeah, I knew

you had your doubt. Everybody did because I know this little boy is a lot, and I know this baby daddy. You know, I chose to walk away from the marriage, right, That's the choice that I made, and even to this day, thinking that I broke up a family. I didn't give trade what I wanted for him. I didn't give him what he needed, you know, I didn't give him what his brother and sister have. That's hard, but you know, that's what I have to live with, and that broke

me down. It still hurts, you know. We had this fantasy in my mind. I'm like, oh man, we're just gonna be one big, happy family and we're gonna make this work and Tray, this is gonna be seamless for him. And it hasn't been, you know, and that it's been difficult, especially now as he's older and just seeing some of the stuff he has to deal with. Mm hmm. Yeah, but I know you and I both understand that he has. We've all come here with our burdens. Isn't it something

how we can relate because of Tray? And I'll tell you on this side of things, my son could not. I have a better moment smile. Thank you, Ray, No, thank you, he couldn't. And he's got a great mother. Thank you. It we did it. So that's it. WHOA. That was a great conversation. Really, yeah, that blew my mind just watching that. Just really I was always kind of seeing the edges of what was really going on when you were growing up. Did you feel like tension

from time to tell when she was around? But it was so interesting because I loved going to Shari's house, and I loved, you know, cooking with her and sleeping over and I loved hanging out with her. Our relationship was amazing, But I definitely knew that there was a dynamic thing. What has changed watching this interview, I never really understood both of your relationship, Like I didn't understand

that you had a relationship. We really try to keep our adult stuff out of the view of you guys, even though looking in hindsight, you guys could feel in anyway as well. Had a discussion about it, me and Jaden what we love Trey and he wanted to be around him all the time, and then seeing how he reacted just let us know. You and Jaden were here and then there was Trey. But we always tried to

unconsciously close that gay. Yeah, I wanted to close that gap too, And I think even through Trey's experience, I was trying to heal something about my own experience, you know what I mean, Like that I never wanted him to feel like he was separate. I didn't want him

to feel that. When I was sitting at the table with Sharie and I watched that interview, I had such a healing omen because I realized that with all my expectations, how expectations will steal the gifts that are sitting right there in front of you because you can't see them, because you're so concerned about creating this picture that you have in your mind being you can't even see the blessing that is standing right there in front of you.

What do you think gave me? After seeing it? Was difficult hearing her say some of the things that she said about you and some of the things that you said about her. I mean, I know that's what was going on, but you know, in my mind, I'm like, well, yeah, you shouldn't have been over there saying that or whatever. You know. I can't even message yeah, because that's where

my head was. Back in the time when we first started doing the Christmases together with the entire family, I was like, really, yeah, I'm not understanding really why it's necessary for Sheer and everybody to be here. Is that really necessary? Right? But you know that's some old school b s. I love Sari. I would say she has really been one of the main people in my life that has forced me to expand in a way that was beyond anything I imagined. And I'm so grateful. I'm

sure she would say the same. What was your relationship like with your mother? It was great until I got into high school and then I started hanging with this crowd you know, gave me, had me at your age. Yeah, I had graduated from high school year, I was married in high school. What was the life for you though? Mom? Being a mother? In high school? They were the worst years of my life. Wow, worst years of my life? Why because I was just so confused, old in a

rebellious state. I wasn't getting along with mommy and daddy, just being really uncomfortable in my own skin and just doing whatever I thought I needed to do to be popular and be part of the popular crowd. Yeah, you know, so that's not an easy thing for someone as young as I was. Exactly, I had a baby, buried and divorce by the time I was nineteen years old. Oh yeah, that's real talk. Experience is real talk. And I'm just I'm laughing because I can because you've come through so much.

You're a young woman. As you grow older, what are your thoughts around motherhood in regards to your own life, your own experience. I don't know if this is a world that I really want to bring my kids and said, no, I thought about that at your age doing my like, do I really you know what I mean? Yeah? I wasn't. So you know what's unexpecting to like we're very similar, So maybe I will end up with a tribe of litl youngun's. You know, what would you say is your

biggest motherhood regret? You know, I think as mother's there's so much expectation to be perfect for your kids. It's okay, and yeah your kids are gonna be mad at you about and yeah they're going to need therapy. Okay, well guess what, it's okay. Yeah, what would you say for you? I was just so young that I just didn't know what I was doing and I didn't know how to mother. I wanted to be the hip mother. I wanted to

be her best friend. But when you're raising a child, she has friends, she needs you to be a mother, to provide boundaries and security. And God would move out, get my own apartment, and then I would get to the point where I couldn't afford it anymore. I would say, mine need to come home. Your early years, we were

in and out of her. So do you feel like in a way she kind of raised you, like, oh yeah, she definitely was a huge part of my fundamental raising because I didn't understand the importance of being a mother. I didn't understand that every decision that you make will affect your child. I just didn't understand that. I do tend to focus on all the things that I did wrong in regards to you, feeling like you weren't a

good mother. It's just not true. But there was also a lot of healing between us when I had the kids. There was so much healing that happened between you and I through them because I got to see your nurturing side. I got to see sacrifices that you were making for them that weren't the same kind of sacrifices you made for me. How you were like, no, I'm going to be with you in Australia. Yes, I know it's gonna be long, and you know what, my husband's not happy,

but I'm gonna be there. But that was important and it wasn't important, and it helped me so much because if I didn't have you, I wouldn't have been able to do the matrix. I wouldn't be able to keep working. You went with me everywhere, and because of you, I was able to have my children with me. So thank you to all those beautiful mommies out there. I just know that you are perfect and lovely and beautiful. I know that what we do sometimes we're not as appreciated

as we should be. We don't appreciate ourselves. We have to do better with that. But here, right here, at this Red Table today, we want you to know you are honored. Happy Mother's Day, the table, the table. Wow, guys, emotional an emotional day. I mean, I really like good show. Oh my God. On our next Red Table Talk, loss is a part of life. I still get really mad. God. I get mad at Tuc because he was one of

those people that I expected to be here. I never talked about it because it was such a short, weird coin in my life. What yeah, Hey, Facebook family. Follow the official show page for new episodes and updates. We also see you back at the Red Table where facebook watch only. To join the Red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook

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