Kelly Osbourne Comes Clean

Now Kelly Osbourne comes clean. I never went to work sober, I never went to Dennis sob I didn't do anything so but the high price of addiction. I would have loved to be married and have children by now a red table wake up call not to be missed. What was the moment when you realize, like, oh damn, this is so cool. Oh I love hearing your guys as little tiny feet. You got a little feet too, a little feet for your size. I do, I do. You're actually right and you have really little feet. Will for

me to be this tall? You got tiny tiny thing. It is a good thing. That's actually a blessing big time. He's going to be a crazy today is a. It's a deep one. This is a deep one. We all have a whoa. We have a lot of tic But this will be really good for me because when I was a teenager, Gamen wanted me to go to alan On and I went once. So this will be a good one for me, just to kind of smooth out some of my might be cathartic for you. I think

it will be. Millions watched Kelly Osborne grow up as the spirited teenage daughter on her family's iconic, award winning reality show The Osbourne's, led by music legend Ozzy and his manager wife Sharon Shuck, was the most watched series ever on MTV. My connection to the Osbournes was created through my heavy metal music journey. They supported my band, Wicked Wisdom. Sharon open doors for us by inviting us

on oz Fest, our first metal tour. When Kelly, their popular middle child, made this recent brave public confession about her traumatic battle with addiction. This is a little hard for me to talk about, but I relapsed, not proud of it. We invited her to the table to share her very personal story. You have no idea how excited I am welcome you get to see to the table when I'm loving this makeup today, thank you, the whole outfit. I couldn't see last next. I was so excited about

doing this. Yes, yes, walk us through like what happened. There's so much like irony in this last relapse for me because I made it all the way through the pandemic. I made it all the way through, and you had four years, almost four years of sobriety. So what environment were you in, Kelly when you took your first drink

in your relapse? When I was alone, sitting by a pool and waiting for somebody to come have a meeting with me, and I saw this woman and her husband had a glass of champagne and it looked really nice, and I was like, oh, I can do that too. Wow. And then the next day I had two glasses, and then the day after that it was bottles, like full bottles to yourself. I've been there too. Couldn't even hold back on it for the first two is I could

handle just having one drink. But it was because I sat there and was like, you really having one drink and you're gonna prove everyone that you're normal now and you can do this, and all of a sudden everything's falling apart. What was the moment when you realize, like, oh damn. I was at my boyfriend's house and I was faced on his couch eating pizza, and he looked over at me, and I felt the way he looked at me, and I was like, oh no, I never want him to look at me like that again. Ever,

Like that didn't make me feel good? What am I doing? But he knew you had been drinking, and he never said anything to you about I'm like a closet drink I don't like to drink with people or two like dark. How did your boyfriend react? He was disappointed because he hadn't seen that side of me, so to suddenly were like, well, this is the side never wanted to see. You've seen it.

Let's hope you never meet her again. It was embarrassing because for the first time ever, I actually care how he feels, and I care how my behavior impacts him. I only want to be the best version of myself my family and my boyfriend and my friends. And I was not. I was the furthest thing away from that. Yeah, and it happened like that. I've never had a boyfriend who's supportive of me in that area before, and he is very communicative and incredible in that way, so it's

really nice. That's beautiful, and my parents like him. So that's also. Your substance of choice was alcohol. That is always my substance of choice. My drug of choice is our alcohol. I love it and I don't love it because I like the way it makes me feel. I like that it makes me not feel. Yeah, I know about that one. I want to be numb to everything. And at first I was like, oh, I'm fixed, because

I don't actually want to be numb right now. I just want to celebrate because I'm because I'm doing amazing and I can drink like a normal person. I have an amazing boyfriend. I made it through the pandemic. I think I'm fixed. Oh wow, okay, what's not fixed? A little? Do I know that you're just being a full blown psycho. It feels a little bit like wishful thinking, like like I definitely feel like I've I've felt that before in my life, where it's like why am I different? Like

people do have it because it turns into bottles. The worst thing I can do is be in a room alone with myself because that's when I'm like, Okay, what can I do? I normally do when I'm bored, I would drink. I sit there and I go through things over and over and over in my head. And the biggest turning point for me was I stopped living in

God's will. I was living in my will, my will, and that was when I was like, I let go of my tools what I used to to stay clean every single day, because it's a battle for me every single day, never ever going to get easy. I have to hold myself accountable for every single thing I do. And I think that's why it was so important to me that I just came right out and said it. I just wanted to tell you guys the truth, because I never ever want like to you. I didn't even

tell my family yet. I just did it, and then I got all the phone calls because I knew that if I didn't, I could have flown under the radar for a long time like that and no one would have known, and I just would have spent the last four years building a life that I just destroyed in one drink. Mom, what would you say that it got I won't say easy, but you you have more ease

with your recovery. How many years definitely past five years, maybe maybe into ten years that you were just like just because the issue is not at some point in time, the issue is not the drugs, it's you or the alcohol. Yes, yeah, it's always been me. It's always been ways you. How did your relationship with alcohol begin. I was introduced to

alcohol because I came from an alcoholic family. So I grew up with my father being a extremely if not probably the heaviest drink I've ever seen in my life. I'm trying to think of the best way to put this, so that the alcohol was there. I moved to America, I was the king, and I was so foreign. I couldn't be more foreign, very English most of and people didn't understand what I was saying. My parents put me in my first American school, and I just felt by

the wayside. And I've never been to a school like that before. I'd always gone to all girls schools. And then it was just night and day different. On my first day of school, a kid said to me, my daddy's a lawyer and he makes three million dollars a year, and he's going to buy me a BMW for my first car, What are you going to get? And I went excuse me. I just was like, oh my god, I've woken up and I'm in the movie Clueless. I didn't really fit in any work, so I got really,

really insecure. I still had those glass I then kept getting sick and I had a really bad case of tonsilitis. They ended up having to give me some crazy surgery and then after that they gave me Vikdin and that was all I needed And are you killing me right now?

I went from having every voice in my head being like, you're fat, you're ugly, You're not good enough, no one likes you, you don't deserve this people, and because your parents are and then all of a sudden, every single voice was silenced and it felt like life gave me a hug. So how old were you when you get you? And then we'll do that rike it into a thirty year I cannot believe that. I was like, why am

I so confident in all of this? Yeah? And then very quickly it went from Viking into Percocet, from Percocet to um Heroine. Eventually, because it was cheaper, I got caught buying it, and then the very next day, my mom put me in rehab. I was like, this is just vacation without a bar. I'm gonna get out and do exactly what I want to do when I leave here, because I was not ready to lose my safety blanket.

How old were you when you were in rehab? The first time I went to rehab, I was nineteen, and I've been going in and out of those places ever since. Do you feel as though there was any parts of your addiction that might have robbed you of life experiences in any way? I feel very behind as a woman. I would have loved to be married and have children by now. My brother has three daughters, and I would have loved to have had a few kids by now,

but that wasn't what was in the card to me. Yes, right, And I would have been no kind of mother at all because I was like that crazy addict that was like, oh, yeah, I'll just stop doing drugs and I get pregnant cause I'll have to. That's insane that I would ever even think that. Not normal to now really getting to the bottom of everything and allowing myself to be vulnerable, which is very hard for me because my natural instinct is

just to tell everyone off. But that doesn't do me or anyone any favors ever with you on that one. Your dad struggled with alcoholism, and have you guys been able to connect in any way. I've always been a daddy's girl. I go to my dad for everything. First phone call every day is from my dad every day. So it's really awesome that we get to have that. And it's weird we've turned something so ugly into something

that's actually really beautiful. Me and my brother and my dad all bond with each other over because Jack is recovery, he's hand Seriously, I always say to him, I know it's sort of competition, but I am so jealous of the way that he has been able to handle his recovery because he's so matter of fact. I am not right, I am not I make everything more difficult. He's got all girls. Wow. So that's Pearl in the USA shirt, Minnie who he's wearing in the bumbalina, and he is

the mermaid. That's so sweet and funny. I love them all so much. It's really interesting how my brother's three children kind of parallel us. Calls a lot like Amy, and he's a lot like me. And Minnie's a lot like Jack. Did Jack have any specific words of wisdom when it came to this relapse. I think for Jack he was crucial in me just you've got to get honest with someone. Yeah, one person, It doesn't matter who it is, as long as you're honest with one person.

And my brother is that person to me. So I told him everything, and him and I put together a plan to get myself feeling strong and supported. And that's honestly one of the most important parts. It's like to just be able to just like you said, that one person, that one person that you can just open up to tell the truth too. And my problem has never been

not telling the truth. I tell too much truth. If anything, you will never ever ever be able to have a conversation where somebody truly understands you if you're not talking to another alcoholic, because they will never understand it, they will never get it. And that's why for me, the fellowship and being a part of the community and having that ripped away from me during the pandemic was such a shell shop for me. Everything that I had taught myself on how to live and rebuild my life was gone.

But it also became the excuse I needed, right, So, wow, it's asking for help, that's the part. Yeah, that's the part. We can use the kids. I get through that shame spiral of am I good enough for help? Help? Yeah? I've done this again and this is all my fault again. Right, Well, someone loved me through my flaws. Somebody loved me when I'm down. But that's what happened until you do. Yeah, that's what happened to you. Do you gotta It has

to start with you. I remember, in seeking my own honesty, recognizing that a lot of times I really didn't even know what was the truth for myself. Yeah, that's that's the one. I actually don't know what's real and what's not anyway, I don't know. I don't know if I actually really like those things or if I've been pretending to like them because I'm placating you. Yeah, not one of my problems as people pleasing. Yeah, and I'll just say yes to everything. On top of the addictions that

you've had, you also have codependency issues. Yeah, I give become addicted to anything and become a codependent with anything. Yeah, I'm a fixer for my friends. If I see somebody that's suffering, I go in and I help. Before I know it, I always myself and I've left nothing for me. Yeah, and then we end up being ain't getting all distracted and thinking you actually helping somebody, You really ain't helping nobody. You want help some mind when you messed up, messed

up back there and get you together about that. And then now I'm learning the power of no, which makes me feel like a bit. You're just like, but it's that boundary setting, you know, the human mind. Man. Like I'm just sitting here like something minute, I'm like, yo, Like, there's this lyric that has it's just been going through my mind as we're talking about this. Um it's actually a kid cutting lyric that goes nothing can keep me from peace but me, and that's the truth. And I

was like, Yo, it's the truth. Anything that's wrong in my life, it's me. Yes, every single time, it's not because someone else did something to me. That's right. I didn't get the job that I wanted. No, No, it's you. It's you. And I've also learned that it's okay to be uncomfortable. Yeah, do you feel like you have a really solid support system? In your now. I went back to outpatient because I need a new support group because

unfortunately of my women's group relapse during the pandemic. Yes where most of those women fairly early in different One of them is like twenty four years now, the one is sixteen years. One was a year wow. And it's the isolation to its isolation is change. I don't do well with change. I'm a creature of habit. I eat the same thing every single day. I have the same routine every single day. And I think that's part of my alcoholism is I learned to survive by putting a

schedule in place. I do good with boundaries. Yeah, I had to have a specific routine. People needed to know where I was. Even the other day, I woke up. We weren't working that day, and I kind of woke up like, like what am I doing today? What am I doing today? Like I can't have too much time. I feel out of sorts. Isn't it so strange that my best thinking wants me to be drunk and alone in a room by myself. That's like where my addict

is most comfortable. That's the nature of how deceitful addiction is. Because you can really walk around believing that right. I believe that you have to be in treatment for the rest of your life. Yes, and I'm speaking from my experience. First year of sobriety is the most difficult year for anybody's life because it's almost like you get reborn but with zero skills. When I first got sober, I didn't feel like I deserved to be in any room that

I was in. And then I'd gained so much weight, so I thought that everyone was just looking at me, like she's fat and disgusting, and like people are taking pictures of me and I could see them, look how fat Kelly os One is now. So it's like you have to get in touch with one abilities and things that trigger you. Like I never went to work sober, I never went to dinner sober. I didn't do anything like nothing sober, so to do things for the first time again, that was really scary. My first year of

sobriety was all about fixing the mind. So I did two full years of therapy every single day. When you talk about fixing the mind, what aspect of your mind were you trying to fix? All of it? All of it emotional trauma? How I internalize them, and then regurgitate them. I can fall into like self victimization real quick. Most addicts do that. We become the vic quality that I don't like having. For me, it was just about happiness. I didn't know if I wanted to come back and

work in Hollywood anymore. I had been working on TV since I was fourteen, and so I took two years off, did the therapy, figured out that I really wanted to be sober. I really want the life that I've worked for and the opportunities that I've been given, and I don't want to take another day for granted. And this program has taught me to be such a better person than I was, and skills and patience and acceptance and

surrender with something that was really hard for me. And that's you know, and so I'm important to understand that it's so much more than just not using. Yeah, that's so much. Do you recovery still full for the shame spirals where the smallest thing can put you in a shame spiral and then all of a sudden, you're like, my biggest thing is that? Definitely like just feeling like not worthy, Yeah, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. I don't have anything to say. I don't have anything

to offer. Like, even if I'm at a meeting, it's very rare that you'll hear me say anything because I always feel like I don't have anything to share, I don't have anything to add. I feel like I've seen what you're talking about, that shame spiral when you talk about moms childhood. Oh my god, and like I feel that in you a lot. And we're always trying to I mean, we're always trying to tell you that. It's like,

I mean, you created, she has, she's gotten better. So I'm again, you gotten better with that you give because you don't go into it like you used to. Yeah, because I used to be like damn gam like yeah, no, she she's gotten better. So I let her have whatever little moment she has, because it's only a moment instead

of like hours or days. The first five years of my recovery, at least, I would be whining in the meetings about all the guilt that I was carrying about, you know, being such a terrible mother, to the point where people were like, Adrian, what else is going on with Alright? Already I've started doing breathwork now, and I was like, this is bs, It's not gonna work. I've realized that since from thirteen now, I've been holding your breath. I've been holding my breath and walking around like waiting

for the next bomb to drop. One of the exercises that I've been doing it is really simple, and I implore everybody to do this. So you get three words, so three positive words and three negative words, so it'll be breathe in love, breathe out negativity. Within ten minutes, I was hysterically crying out of nowhere, couldn't come back from it. And then within forty five minutes, I felt like I had an outer body experience and for the

first time in my life, I was breathing. Wow, like you go through breathing, but you don't realize that you have to learn how to walk. You have to learn how to breathe properly, because we walk around like we're just bracing the all time. All time, I was bracing for the next hit. So I'm breathing now good for you, And I'm turning into a hippie and I don't know how I feel about it. Join we now that I

know that you're into that stuff. If there's ever like like a sound bath event or like a meditation or a chanting thing. I'll let you know about, Like you're gonna be hugging trees before you know. There are scientific studies that hugging trees actually low is your blood low is your blood pressure. Here we go there we got so Kelly. They say that you lost eighty five pounds. I did a surgery, the gastrix sleeve, and it's the best thing I've ever done. Got it. It kind of

retrained my relationship with food. I don't look at it that I used to comfort myself where I use it as fuel and something that's the reward. Yeah, Like I can become addicted to drugs, I can become addicted to food. So to not have to have that of session has been the best gift I've ever given myself outside of sobriety. Beautiful. That's amazing. I like my body now. I like what I'm turning into and discovering new things that I thought I'd never be able to do, and I'm doing it

and it's great. That's the gift of giving yourself a chance. A lot of times when you're addicted to alcohol and drugs, there's some other addictions going on in there, because you just have an addictive personality. I think everybody is an addict in different ways. Some of the therapy and some of the healing and recovering that I've had to do, and just realizing that it all stems for me personally

from the addiction to sense gratification. Yes, oh my god, yeah, yeah, And everybody is addicted to sense gratification in some way. It's just everybody wants to feel good, right, So it's just a matter of what we use. Some people use relationships, and some people use alcohol, drugs, being gambling. But we all find the thing when life is disappointing us and it's not satisfying our senses in the way that we want, It's like, okay, well what's the next available thing. Okay,

let's do that. Let's do that gratifications and self soothing, and we are all in some way addicted to that. Yes, I just want to be addicted to something healthy, like working out. I went through that. I went through that problem fixed pack and I was working out three hours a day. Okay, I'm working out the other day and then at night we'll shoot. I'm up. I might as well go to the jail, you know what I mean. And it's like people like Jada, you are over exercising.

I'm like, how is that even possible? It's an emotional mental I think it's it's an existential crisis that most of us have to deal with. What life really is. Life on life's terms is one of the hardest lives to live. There you go, it's one of the hardest lives to live. It's easy. What I actually just thought about two is really interesting because I feel like at certain points in my life, I've been addicted to reactions from like certain reactions from people and like needing you

to tell me that was amazing. I did the mind, I did the body, and now it's the soul, and it's all about just putting as together and finally getting the payoff and getting out of my way. It's good to hear you. It is good to hear you doing the work. Good for you. I really doing the work that I would hate doing the work because I avoided it my whole life. And I'm like, oh, I still

feel pain there. Let's figure out what's going through and dissecting everything has been really interesting that I'm seeing that so many of these things that I have I get from my dad. I'm just so grateful and I know that so many people are going to feel so seen and just relate to what you've said so deeply. Thank you. Tell us about your podcast. What is it called The

Kelly Osborne and Jeff Beach Show. What I wanted this podcast to be is that one hour each week where you can switch off from the world and laugh and our messages what you call freaks, we call family. Everyone's welcome. It's just about spreading as much love and positivity in a fun way that we possibly can. In the next episode, I'm finally gonna learn how to be on TikTok O. Well,

you know what, Kelly, thank you for coming. I can't even going to tell you what an honor this was sit at this table with you three like incredible women, and thank you for everything that you do. It's three generations of just pure beauty. Thank you. I really mean that, Like I watched your show with my mom religiously. We love you, guy. It's like we're like wicked wisdom. Thank you for coming and having the work. We're wishing you

the best and I'm super proud of you. It was wrong, and I'm just and I know we know how hard it is exactly, and it's just for me. If I can share my story and it helps just one person, then I've done my job. That's right. I've done my job because we're not alone, no, never, But you know who's the most important person. It's going to help you. As the inter was going along, I was like, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling glad. I'm getting us off my chest. You're gonna walk out of here in my happy feet.

That's that's what we always want. We want people to leave here on their happy feet. I feel like I could talk to you guys, but absolutely anything. I'm like, maybe it's come here to therapy any time. I'm like, I'm trying to die my afrow purple. Now, thank you for everything. Reading that was like, this was the bucket listening for me, so thank you. It really was. Thank you.