How Gun Violence Affects Women

Both men have countless heartbroken women, aunt's, cousins, friends in their lives who love them. We are dedicating this Red Table Talk to how gun violence affects women, and we're starting the conversation with my beautiful little sister Lauren London to talk about the traumas of gun violence and how she's helping other women through loss and grief. Lauren lost her life partner, visionary and artist Nipsey Hustle, when he

was gunned down outside his l a clothing store. Lauren had been in a relationship with nip for six years. They share a son together. My pain is for my two year old day. I probably won't remember how much his dad loved. Since Nipsey's passing, Lauren has remained committed to keeping his legacy alive. Grief is the final act of love. I'm so grateful that I had you. And until we meet again, the marathon continued. Here we are, here,

we go, Yes, Lauren, Hi, mamma, thank you. So you've lost someone who is very close to you, who is a public figure, and you're a public figure, and having to go out into the world. What can people do to be helpful? I love to meet people that nip has like really inspired because it feels like he's still here even though he is in a way, but um, it's like his purpose that was completely outside of any

of us. His purpose. He's touching people still. And I find that when I run into people that tell me how he's changed your life, what they're doing with their life right now, Like it feels me up. Yeah, like, oh, he would have loved to hear that, you know, And it fills me up. And when my kids are there and my kids here, they're like proud, like man, you know, those are always very special moments. What would be some of the things you could offer to other people who

are warning the loss of a significant other. You know, there's been lost. For me. What's really been important connecting with God. Uh. And that's been a struggle because something horrible happens in your eyes and you're like, how God? You know? And knowing that there is life after this life. It's not easy. I don't always wake up on the enlightened side of the bed, you know, in the days that I don't, I let myself because I'm human, and you know, I'm not always gonna feel so this is

I'm gonna be okay. I don't and that's okay too. So I let myself be human. I'm gentle with myself and I m find things that matter, and so I try to live with the purpose. You know, when I'm having a bad day, I meditate, I go within. What about your community, like your your network of family and friends. I think it's important for people that love you to remind you on who you are because trauma and violence

and just life can make you feel down. So to have people that love you that remind you like, no, you know you matter and you'll be okay and that you can do this. That's been very important for me. People that see me like my heart being around me is really important and it's been even outside of my family and like the people that I know personally, um just loved it has been very helpful. So you're raising two black boys as a mother, like, what are some

of your precautions are, like some of your messaging. What I instill in them is more about the police, got it, how to handle yourself when you get pulled over. That's more of my education, Yes, protecting them being black men in America. When would you say was the first time that you can remember that you were affected by gun violence?

Just growing up in l A in the area that I was around, just in high school, a lot of the boys were in gangs, and I remember that a lot of our friends that by summertime, you know, they were gone, they had transition from gun violence. So you kind of got a little bit I don' wouldn't say numb, but used to hearing it. Yeah, I think for me it was kind of like middle school, high school. Um,

you know, it just became unfortunately like a norm. But even going to like a party in high school, you know, you would like putting your life in the man and you you always like walked in you knew where the exit was because you knew at any time you know, something could jump on, something can happen, especially house parties. That's traumatizing to be sixteen years old having to be on guard when you go into a party. You just get used to figuring out how to keep yourself safe

in these environments. And I try to tell people all the time, it's like most of us grow up in war zones. And I did not even really realize that until my life changed. When I started to look at how my kids were growing up versus me, and then me trying to train them in a way, I was like, but no, they don't. That's not their reality. They don't have to worry about that, they have that guard up.

One of my best friends her first time, you know, she was four years old, four or five, and her uncle got shot and killed in front of her on the porch, you know, And so she carries that, I'm so grateful for you, because I wouldn't have known about

Erica Ford without you. I was doing an event with Puma in New York and a part of the event was that we were going to donate some money and close to an organization and a friend of mine brought up Erica and I go do some research and like the first five seconds, I was like, this is it. They were practicing the same ideas and practices that I do in my everyday life. I was able to go and talk to the girls. It was a group of girls that were affected from gun violence. They lost fathers, brothers,

and they're traumatized by that. We could all relate together. We were all grounded and solid together from by gun violence. Absolutely, because you feel the medicine of you actually being there with them and being able to share your process of healing. Oh man, they healed me in a lot of ways, because you know, I think trauma feels so lonely, and just in talking to them, they gave me so much more than I feel like I gave to them. They gave me just their stories and just there like rawness,

and it made me not feel so alone. And it was very magical. It was magical, it was very healing. It's like, you know, this is what you're supposed to do. I was like, Nips, super proud. You would have loved her. Thank you, Oh are you to you know what? The The interview with Lauren was so moving and I could really really relate to what she was saying because we

have family members that are going through trauma right now. Yeah, And one of the things that she said that was so important to me and really clicked in my head was trauma feels so lonely. That was really important for me to hear because if you haven't been through it, if you're not actually going through it, you really don't know what that feels like. And as we all are trying to understand and help and and be there, we

don't we don't know what the other person is really feeling. Yeah, I think sometimes it's just great to just show that you're there. So, as Lauren shared, one of the women she is most inspired by is Erica Ford. Erica has devoted her life to end gun violence and created the Peacemobile, a big orange bus she turned into a mobile trauma unit. Erica Ford is a woman on a mission what's going on day and night. She and her team risked their

lives to save lives. Whenever there's a shooting or violence, her Peace Bus is on the scene to intervene, going into these hot spots mediating conflict. When we look at the number of mothers who've lost their sons to gun violence in America. It is horrific. Erica also started a camp for at risk youth dealing with trauma and anger. Exactly, let me tell you what we're not gonna have. No no, no, no, no, no no no. Let me tell you what we're not

As always, Erica keeps the peace. What we're not gonna have is you being disrespectful, trying to go past and do anything inside here. Do you understand what I'm saying. Yes, our mission to provide young people with the tools that they need to change their life. Real people are getting killed. Let's make peace in these streets. Stop the violence. Let me start by saying, I love your hair's powerful, powerful handclap for you, yes, yeah, for real, because you are in it, in it, in it, in it in. Can

you explain how gun violence affects women? First, the trauma of losing your soul mate, right and then having to raise your children. And I see women stop living. I see them losing their lives from a broken heart, and so we teach them how to move past that pain. If you help the mother hill, you helped save the family, You helped change the family, you helped change generations, You helped change the world. We work for the people who are pulling the trigger, and we work for the people

who are the victims. We gotta work with everybody because they're all victims of generational trauma. You know. So how did you come up with this idea of the peace bus. We want to pull up with peace, you know, and we want peace to flood the streets in a way that it becomes a constant in your mind. And so you see it, you live it, you believe it's subliminally it becomes part of you. And so you can't overlook

that big orange bus. And actually I was googling tour buses and so will's toll buses and use that as a symbol to you know, we gotta get you one of those. That's fire. You know. We need to have a mobile trauma unit. We pull up on situation, just like the police pulls up with their you know unit. It has to start in the streets first. You know, violence is a disease. When you look at the disease

of violence, it impacts those around you. One of the ways Erica makes peaces by bringing together used to face former gang members and mothers whose children have been victims of gun violence. We're just gonna sit right here. Primo grew up on these streets, in and out of gangs. In jail, he's been shot twice. Now Eric is trying to help him break free from the cycle of violence. But it's not easy. I walk around with these demons every day. I wanted to do certain things to certain people.

I might have gonna lie to you. Do you know what it's like, toad, to watch my bag, to go to the corner store. Do you know what it's like to tell my daughter we're not going down that block. I lost my whole life from these streets, lost my family to these streets. And I hear you and I feel your pain, right, But where do we go? Because if we don't change the trajectory, then it's just mean more people diet. To give Primo a wake up call, she introduces him to a grief ricken mother now Orleans.

Son was shot five times at point blank range. I wanted him to hear your story because we were having a conversation just about the impact of gun violence and gang violence on mother's and women. It's like, good, you know my son like he's got shot August thirty a multiple times. I'm still hurting. I don't know if my son is gonna walk again. You have a mother. You don't want to put your mother through that. You don't have to prove anything to no one, and I understand

that you have to strive, struggle and survive. But not with a gun Flocks, not with a gun Bucks. At the same time that your son was shot, I lost three friends in the same day, Jesus. But I probably would have thrown a little bit more about certain things if I would have at a conversation with a mother like you've seen, how the pain help me realize what changes I need to make and never stop to think about the con the consequences and the people that are

left behind. What would you say to all the people watching how we can help stop gun violence. We got to change the culture of how we relate to each other. You've got to change the culture again. And that's what people can do, like stop making that stupidness cool, like yoga and how we speak to each other. You know, it's so important. I think I get overwhelmed because there's so much violence and and trauma in the world. There's a lot that happens with those one bullets. You know

that that no one ever thinks about. You know, no one ever goes down that long line of where this bullet is going to end up, in the impact that it's going to have on so many people. It is like one step at a time, one day at a time, like you can't tackle the whole. The marathon continues, right, and so we are the marathon. Thank you, so inspiring. Thank you. Every single month, in average of fifty two women are shot and killed by an intimate partner. Nearly

one million women alive today have reported being shot. The beautiful Brianna Taylor was struck by eight bullets while sleeping in her own home, and four point five million women report being threatened by a gun. Before Rain's Tippic, she never even saw it coming. Rain loved to dance from the time she was a toddler all the way to adulthood. But that all changed one night when an unidentified gunman fired over twenty bullets into her car. She had been shot in the back eight times with less than a

five percent chance to live. It really didn't expect her, and they replaced oliver blood five times in the first six hours or so, but then her heart stopped. She was dead for a full minute. Doctors were able to bring Rain back to life. He said she would never walk or dance again. All right, we have Rain here with us today. Rain, come join the table. Wow, little twirl for you. All right, guys, I have a seat. Wow from someone who they didn't expect to even survive,

and you come out with a twirl. You came life with a twirl. Girl, don't stand still. So you have made a miraculous that's like a miracle. Yeah, I mean I am a medical miracle. That's doctors tell me a five percent chance to live and I am here walking, talking, eating, breathing with you today and twirling. How many surgeries did you have in that first twenty four hours? It was fourteen. They took my left kidney, my spleen, my pendix, small intestine, colon,

and bowel. There was holes in my liver, holes in my stomach that took a third of my pancreas, and my back was fractured at L three and O five and uh. After that, the first week was really touch and go. They weren't sure if I was going to wake up or not. And all of a sudden, one of my nurses told my family she got into work that morning and I was sitting up, breathing, smiling, talking. It was a long road. I mean, don't kid yourself like that. There was a point in time where I

couldn't even hold a toothbrush. It was a long effort and finally getting back to a dancer by trade. So I'm getting back to teaching and dancing again. And they never figured out they had two men in custody for a while, but it's something that they currently just speculate that it was a random gang initiation because they didn't take the car, they didn't rob us, we didn't see who it was, the fact that the shooting was just completely random, Like, how do you wrap your mind around that?

Because then I'm in my mind, I'm like, then how am I safe? Well? And as a woman, you were conditioned to look over your shoulder when you're walking down the street. You're conditioned to maybe that car drove by two times, don't walk your dog at night. There's things that we are already dealing with as women as it is.

So I know for myself, I'm not as trustworthy of people in everyday situations anymore because it's it was so random and who would have thought that just this random night, I was gonna get shot in the back eight times. The person that you were with they survived. Yes, Um, he had a bullet go through his hand and his shoulder and one actually went through my back into his leg. Wow, So you really got the brunt of it. Yes, I was like a human shield. Wow. I feel like I'm

sitting here literally with a miracle. Yeah, honestly, And just how like You're just radiant, like you're you're smiling, you have this air about you that is just so amazing. I have to say it was the support that I had, Like my sister literally slept in the hospital with me eighty somehow days out of the days I was there, she was playing chakra music and we were doing word in meditations and things while I was laying You posted a really empowering photo of yourself on social media. What

was your motivation for that? The photo that I posted. It started out honestly that I just this is what people need to see. I'm still me, I really am. I'm happy, I'm confident, I'm going to continue to push forward with what I'm doing. And if I can give that back to people and show them give them a motivation. I have strangers that message me and just to say thank you for sharing and for being inspiring. There was plenty of days that I was struggling that I would

just cry and defeat because how did this happen to me? Like? What what happened? That? This is? This is what became my normal. And I don't want that for anybody else ever, No one should have to experience this what my family and I have been through. It's it's unfathomable and it's there's no actual words that you can describe this process of mourning and grieving. Because you are mourning this lie

that you once had and grieving through this. What would be the message that you would give other people to help them keep going. I just want to tell them there's gonna be bad days, and I want people to understand that if you can accept the fact that there are bad days, that also means that you're going to have good ones. And once you have a good one,

you're alive to have a good one. Take it one day at a time, one second, one minute, one hour, one day, because if everything can change an instant like it did, what can happen in twenty four hours. You just don't anything is possible. You better preach the word today. I'm just flabergasted. I mean yeah, and I mean as a young beautiful woman to go through this, but really find your power, power, Yes, your strength, Yes, find superhero story. Yeah.

My doctors were calling me the woman of Steel in the hospital because they just kept going and I've taken Yeah. Thank you so much for being here, you for me. Every sixteen hours, a woman is killed by our current or former intimate partner. An abusers access to firearms increases the risk of homicide, but at least four Danny Robinson knows this all too well. Danny was shot five times at point blake range by her ex boyfriend and lived

to tell about it. Tell us what happened, Danny. I never ever thought that I would ever be a victim of gun violence, you know, I mean, I was shot five times. I was with a man for about six years, and throughout our relationship there were some signs that he was a little controlling. He was possessive, verbally abused me, emotionally abused me, and I had two daughters with him, and um I finally left him. I decided I was done with him. I was going to have him control

me anymore. He had made this calm it to me, and he said something to the fact that he was going to hurt me with a gun. I said, what are you saying that you're going to kill me. You can't get a gun, and he said, well, you'd be surprised what you can find on the street. And when he said that to me, I knew that something was wrong. I called the police department and they said, well, there's nothing we can do about it. And I told my sisters, I said, I'm scared, like and they're, oh, no, he's

just trying to scare you. I'm like, no, no, this is different. This is really different. Because I went and I got a restraining order and I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. And I drove home and I pulled up in the driveway and I was getting out of my car, and all of a sudden, I just felt this huge, like like breeze, just like blow me over. And it was him. And I had my daughters in the back of the car and they were still in their car seats, and I said, what

are you doing here? And he told me that we needed to have a conversation, and I said, I'm not going anywhere with you. I saw my grandfather in the

house getting ready for dinner. I decided that I needed to get away from the house so he would not hurt my grandfather or my daughter's and I walked a few houses down with him, and all of a sudden, there was this white van and he opened it up, and I just remember hearing that sound of the van, that the rolling on the door exactly, and he tried to pull me into the van, and at that moment, I screamed and I started to fight back, and he was holding me, and I was shot two times, and

from there I fell on the ground. I fell on my back and he stood over me and he shot me three more times, point blank in my stomach. Um. I went to the hospital. I was in intensive care for about three days. While he was on the run. My focus was about living for my daughters. Like when I was on the ground and I was burning, and I smelled that I was going to live for my girls. So where's your ex Now? He's in state prison. He got twenty five years, he didn't get a life sentence.

He is getting out in two thousand twenty four, so he's only going to be serving about twenty one years and that's soon. How does it make you feel? I feel strong. I'm not afraid of him. I do have a lifetime restraining order on him. He does still send my daughter's letters. He's tried to have a relationship with

my daughters. I mean, of course, I struggle with a lot of you know, I hear the slam of a rolling door, I remember smelling the bullets and my flesh, and so when I when I there's a fire, I'm like, oh it does it triggers that? So I do have my you know, every everyday PST issues that come up. But it's important that you're not living your life and fear. Absolutely not. No, I am not doing that. Do you talk to your daughters about warning signs and relationships? Absolutely,

I've taught them. Nobody talks down to you there to respect you. What would be some of the advice that you would give women who may be in relationships that aren't healthy or even dangerous. Listen to your gut. Listen to your woman's intuition because it is always right on, but you you have to listen to it. Yeah, sometimes you think, oh, I'm being extreme. You know, he would never It's just like it doesn't matter. Just listen to that one. Well, thank you so much for sharing your stories.

Thank you for having me. I hope that you can make a difference. It's just such an epidemic right today. I really wanted to take the time to really refle act on how women from all walks of life are affected by gun violence, and how we're affected by gunbalnce. It's not just in like a certain demographic of certain everywhere everywhere. Yeah, that is really apparent now, which is why gun control was so important. It's just amazing to me that we can't you know, see it's straight now.

They can't keep waiting for the world to change, like we have to make the change. To make the change. What a red table? What a red Table? To join the red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation, follow us at facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.