Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Sex

I got a slow walking because of these heels. Honey. Oh there's only two chairs. Oh, I know, but it's temporary. It's temporary for it, and we both have one pink for breastast cancer awareness and we didn't plan it. So great minds, think alike. Facts all right, r T T fam, Fair warning, We are having a sex talk at the table, okay with gop Guru Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth is on a way, but look who is zooming in. I miss you, guys. It just breaks my heart that I can't be there.

I know you're on the road and you are killing it being that rock started you are. You're really showing that black girls can what rock. So that's awesome, thank you, But we wanted to get your generational perspective on sex. You know, Gwyneth is coming. I feel like the sex question for this generation is way deeper because it's not just about the sex, it's about like who you are? Right? Do you feel like your generation is really experimental? It's

mostly extremes I've seen. I've seen it go from fear of just intimacy and having that anxiety and being protective of one's emotional state. So I I see that a lot. And I also just see complete and utter recklessness and just have sex with everyone that you see. Right, Where do you think you learned most about sex? Did you learn it on the internet from your friends? Did you learn it from me? So I would read like those

little like fiction. I would always go into the library and you would always tell me, oh, don't read that book, like you're too young to read that, and then would be trying to reading and Rice. But I would sneak and read these books. And in these books there are sex scenes. I would just be readings that to YouTube. She's always been supremely curious, so you would think I would be getting around a little bit more Jesus. So

for the very first time. She's an Oscar winner, a style icon, mom, wife, boss lady, and now what sex goddess. Gwyneth Paltrow was in the house for new project Sex, Love and Goop is taken sex to a whole, whole new level scale of one to five. How pleasurable it's five jack pot. It's one thing to be emotionally vulnerable on camera, but to be sexually vulnerable. We've never really seen this before. We weren't close to getting a divorce. His parents are wondering why he doesn't have babies, and

am I gonna have an orgasm before I have a baby? Okay, let's bring out a couple of little pleasure items. These are my no matter what it looked like on camera, if you haven't felt that before, for having sex, because the show about sex, we're gonna talk about. Come on out here, ask a winner. Come on, I'm so god, are you kidding me? Nice to meet you, Thank you, great to be here. Hi. Hi, She's the latest rock star.

She's amazing, exciting. One of the reasons why I felt like your Netflix project is so powerful is because for the first time, Gammy and I were on the phone and we were having a very in depth conversation about sex, like it was nothing. And I got off the phone and I was like, dude, I just had that conversation

mother totally. I was like, that's healing right then. That was probably the first time we ever had a conversation about sex in that way, in that kind of free flow, and I'm not is talking about just basic surface stuff like we went kind of like how you and I have done yeah, because it's kind of hard to talk about sex if you weren't talking about about sex, you know what I mean. And it was just so natural. Show helped you have that conversation because we have never

had a reason to go that in depth. But let me ask you, we'll talk to you about sex. You know. I'm old. So we didn't have this kind of openness at all in the culture. I don't know, it just was very sort of like we don't talk about because you don't. There wasn't a lot of talk about it, and so you learned. And it was pre internet, right, so it was like we were really siloed in a lot of ways. And I don't think we went naturally

to our mother's to talk about it. It's still weird to like, I adore my mother, but I don't know, like, do you guys talk about that gonna tell you what's so funny? Gwyneth, My mother's conversation to me was don't get pregnant. I don't even think my mom's also told you that it wasn't gonna be enjoyable, It is not going to be fun I think that that myth is um,

that's not okay for some people. I mean, everyone's body is different, you know, but I don't think that you should tell someone it's gonna be hurtful, right, it might not. That's a very patriarchal thing to um to propagate in the minds of young women. Yeah, I mean I have to say my first you know, I wouldn't say I was like who, but I was like something that I can work with, you know how patriarchal it was, Willow. It was just my experience. I just I just hear

that so much. As a woman, you just get told that all the time. And it's interesting too, Like I remember when my kids were really little, having urged to want to say to them like, oh no, did that hurt? And you have to catch yourself like, let's not implant any ideas around anything, right. But it's hard as a mother because to your point up, your own experience needs

you to define things how you see them. And then you say, oh, no, that must have been awful, and it's like, well, maybe just ask right, because maybe it wasn't that bad. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people don't know their bodies enough, and they surely don't know the bodies of people that they're having sex with. So sometimes things can be a little uncomfortable if you're not really aware of how somebody's body is, how it functions, how how to get pleasure, you know what I mean?

You're so correct. That's one was left out in my conversations with my mother will I never heard the word pleasure come out of her mouth. I never heard none of that. Yeah. I want to say, once humans can fix the way that we perceive sex and just anything that has to do with relating to one another, the world's going to become a better place. Yeah. I'm so sorry, guys, I gotta dip. Okay, bag, you have a great show, go kill it. Thank you. How old is she? She's

always She's so wise and smart. She's like a Buddha, like wisdom like pouring out of this child. She's old, she's always been that way. So Gwyn, it's like with group and everything. I know it's wellness and that's what I thought that, But I mean, now you're like this kind of sex goddess. Like what made sex for you

such an important subject? I really do believe that you can't really talk about women's wellness without talking about her sexual wellness, and that that's a really important pillar in overall wellness because so many of us throughout our lives have experienced some level of disconnection from ourselves because of

trauma or you know, shaming, or from partners. And if you have a woman who's disconnected from herself or she feels shame around her sexuality or she's not comfortable in her sexuality, it's like she's cut off from her truest self. And sex is so interesting because it's this microcosm for what's going on holistically in your life. Right, Like, if you're really honest with yourself and you've really done work on yourself generally, you can be really close to yourself

in a sexual way. And if there's a block, you can say, oh there's a block here, or this doesn't feel right to me, and I just felt like it was so fascinating that it's still taboo, you know that we still even me, like, even though I'm helping facilitate all of these conversations, I'm still shy to talk about my sexual stuff, you know. So it's like, how can we start to create a conversation where we can just eliminate shame from women's lives, And there's no better place

to do that than around sex. I think we can't underestimate how much pain is caused between two people when they feel that they don't have the language to tell each other what's wrong, what they like, what they don't like. Couples unfortunately, fail all the time because the conversation sounds so threatening. I always tell people, oh, Rodney and Rodney is my husband, And I say, Rodney and I can talk about anything, We can talk about any phasing. But

but the conversation about sex is difficult. But doesn't mean we're not talking, but it's difficult, and I still feel very shy about it. I still have shame, I still have all of these emotions that make the conversation difficult. That has been my struggle my entire life. And I'm like getting ready to sixty eight. Yeah, gosh, you look good, doesn't true? Yes, definitely. I know you revealed some of your own struggles with sex, like you know, communication what

has healed for you? You know? It was the most striking thing for me was to remember how important it is for women to speak up for themselves. And we're not generally conditioned. I mean like Willow and Apple my daughter. I think they are a different generation, but our generations, I don't think we're conditioned two really speak up for themselves. What happens when you don't speak up for yourself. You're

also not accountable, you know what I mean. You're not saying, hey, this is my half of this, or this is like where I feel lacking, or here's my insecurity. Yeah, it's so important for us to be accountable for our sexual selves. And if we're uncomfortable or we're not getting what we want, we have to muster the bravery to say could I ask you this question? Or like, let's talk about this right like, because as soon as you make it unthreatening,

then it's easier for couples to have a conversation. Right. It's not you do something wrong or I don't like when you do this. It's just like, hey, I've been too shy to have this conversation with you, Like, is it okay if we talk about that. That's a great

way to start the conversation. But you also brought something up that I think is supremely, supremely important, and that is the idea of accountability, right right, You know that that we have to be able to speak up when things aren't going well, when things are going well, you know what I mean. But that level of accountability that

actually bleed through our entire life. We can be accountable for our realities, for the quality of our existence, whether it's in the bedroom, whether it's in the workplace, no matter where it is. So that is a very very powerful point. Otherwise we stay in victim right, like someone's doing something to me for me, and then you don't grow. I always think like that's the devil's biggest trick is to like not orient us around accountability and more around victimhood.

Because victimhood you're like, this is my get out of jail free car. Like I don't need to look at my that you can cur go right ahead, Okay, sorry, um, it's they hurt me, they did this to me. I cannot be over here and be resentful, yeah, be angry, and then we don't get anywhere, especially for women. For us sometimes that's a very difficult subject to talk about. Accountability. Yeah, so we've read that you're having some of the best

sex these days. Yea, and you're forty nine. Yes, But I'm an next so it's like, yeah, maybe a little yeah, I get that. Yeah, I am too kind of how many only three? We just had our three years? Yeah, we just had our fifth. Yeah. Me, on the other hand, that's amazing, it's incredible. It's hard, I know. I mean the thing that will and not talk about a lot is the journey. I mean, we started in this at a very young age, you know, twenty two years old.

That's why the accountability part really hit from me, because I think you expect your partner to know, especially when it comes to sex. It's like, well, if you love me, you should know, you know what I mean, if you love me, you should be able to reach your mom, you know, And that's a huge that's a huge pipe, you know. Is that here though, It's like someone doesn't read your mind and we feel crushed, rushed, like we feel so disappointed. Why do we Where do we get

that from? I think because I like that at all, I guess, or maybe I've just grown out of it. I think it's like, you've got to tell me what you what you need, Like I can't read your mind because I've grown out of it too. Tell me what you need, tell me what you want. And on top of it, I know that I have to be accountable to do the same, and do you. I really try. It's uncomfortable, but it's deeply healthy. And I think around sex because it's something that we don't talk about a lot,

and there's so much fantasy around it. Do you know how confused we are because of porn? And yeah, I was just talking. Somebody really messed us up in some ways. I'm supposed to be there for every whim, every pleasure, and that the woman's pleasure doesn't matter, it's not even

thought about. No, no, no. And then the other layer, which I find really disturbing, is that because of the imagery that comes out and the consciousness comes out around porn, I feel like girls, young girls are getting the message that they have to be like that's the number one priority, right. It's so awful, and it's like it's doing such a disservice. Absolutely,

and it's so weird. I don't know, I feel like we're living in such a weird time because we're making all these incredible advancements and then we're going backwards and all these other and that really disturbs me that young girls you can see it on Instagram absolutely what is this pose? Like why are you? What is that? Right? And it's because that's what they think is like the metric of success, right, Like someone wants to know I'm

cursing too much. Okay, I know your daughter is seventeen, so speaking of Instagram, like, Kenneth, how do you help her navigate all of that? It's so interesting to have been raised myself. How we all were where like there was an answering machine and like if you went out for the night, your friends couldn't find you and no Internet. And now it's like this hyper exposure that they are dealing with all the time. And I think that they're

wrestling with how much am I exposing myself? Early on, I thought, my god, how am I going to parent my way through this? You know? Because also for us, like we didn't grow up with it. I think they'll have more context, right, like Willow and Apple, if they become mothers, they'll be like, oh, well, this is how I dealt with it. But now so he went to Blockbuster and stood in line to check out a video.

My concern is that there's this hyper objectification happening, and they're the standards that they're being told, like, this is the prescription you have to look like this. So all I've tried to do is focus on who are the human beings that I'm raising? What can I do in the house to counteract as much of this as possible? How do you raise a girl that feels good about who she is? Like? What is the messaging? Like, what is the quality of listening with them at the dinner table?

What is the quality of the interaction or the time together? Like what are those things that you can bring to your parenting that make them feel like, oh, I'm funny? Like, wow, I did have a good idea. How do you do it? I spent a lot of time with them talking and watching.

I read this quote. I think it was attributed to Banksy, that artist who said something like you know, I'm going to paraphrase badly, but this generation of parents like, well, do anything for our kids anything, you know, you see with like the college scandal or you know, removing all their obstacles, Like we will do anything for our kids

except let them be who they actually are. And I read it and I was like I had chills, and I thought, God, there are aspects of me that think, well, you should do it this way because like that worked for me, or let's avoid this, and so I just tried to be really conscious of letting them emerge as

who they are and being loving and supporting. And I get up all the time, you know, like I say the wrong thing, and especially right now because she's seventeen, she's like everything says, oh my god, it's a change in nineteen okay, okay, o my god. Um. But now that they're young adults, basically it's like how can you reinforce valuing each other? So I don't know, it's kind of a big experiment, Like I'll see right, like it is an experiment. Yeah, it's always so delicate talking about

how we talk to our kids about sex. But oh my god, they thank god they at their elementary school. Elementary school, by the way, in sixth grade had the craziest sex said, really, it was incredible, full on everything, Like they learned everything. I will never forget apples. When she came home and she told them every breath. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Had she not asked you in nothing? Because nothing? No? Really and what did this do? And like it's like I love that? Yeah?

So were good for you? I mean that. Yeah. So they kind of broach the subject since then. I don't think that kids want to talk to their parents about sex that much. I don't know do they. I guess I got weird. I make it known like I'm there if she wants to talk. Otherwise I just sort of leave it. Wow, you got off. You're lucky. What about your son's I know it's different for you with with with Jayden? How do you talk to your son about sex? Or do you? He also had the same sixth grade talks,

and I'm so grateful for that. He's like at a phase where you know, we're extremely close, and he's also like differentiating and he doesn't want me to show a bra strap, like let alone have me ask him a question about a girl. You know, it's like we are off limits, Like don't even you know so I'm just you know, but I'm like, I'm here if you ever want to talk. Yeah, you know. And I think Dad's are really good in that particular area. I think so too.

My whole thing with my sons was just about respect, consideration. That was as a mother, I drilled that to the ground. So so important. And it's such a cool opportunity to be given to like raise a good man. My son is such a sweet, empathetic guy when he leaves the room, like if we're sitting at the kitchen table, if he leaves the room to go to his room, he kisses me goodbye. It's Jaden. He loved mama. Yeah, he's the sweetest. She's just so prescire. He's twenty three now, Oh my gosh.

It's so nice to be able to have such healthy relationships with sons. So that's not easy when it's not a given. So I'm glad you have one, you know, I'm glad you have a sweetie alright. Joining the table. A sexual wellness coach and certified erotic educator giant for more than twenty years, Jayat has immersed herself in the study of turn and on and developed a signature erotic blueprints an individualized guy to getting your sexual need met. Oftentimes,

doubles blueprints their opposites. Here's an energetic touch, here's a sensual touch, here's a kinky touch. And she's featured in Sex Love and Good Hello, Welcome. Describe what you do well. The short answer is I help people have amazing hot sex lives. Nice couples come to me because usually there's a discrepancy in their sex life. One of them wants more sex, one of them wants less sex. Somebody wants to do something that the other one doesn't, and they're

trying to get on the same page. When we were trying to pull together experts for these various couples, Jaia was the first person and I thought of because she's been able to create these kind of templates for our different sexual types. Yeah, I think it's vital to know what your erotic blueprint is. It's like giving somebody the guide book, this is what I like. Here all my desires, here's what turns me on, and just to put those out on the table. And so the erotic blueprints are

one step towards that. So the five erotic blueprint types start with the energetic, and that's somebody who's turned on by anticipation, space, tease. They like longing, yearning, nie contact from across the room. Oh okay, the energetic, And then the next one is the sensual. The sensual. The sensual someone who's turned on by lights, candles, the environment. It's all the senses being ignited, Like the energetic likes all the space, but essential ones, all the closeness and slow dancing.

And then there's the sexual. So the sexual is turned on by what we think of a sex in our culture. I think of penetration or orgasms or nudity, those kinds of things that turn us on. And then the fourth one is kinky, and so kinky is about the taboo. If something feels taboo to you, then it turns you on.

So it's that edge. And there's psychological kinky, and then there's what is an example of psychological So psychological kinkies like we want to play with power, or we want to role play, so we may want to surrender in the bedroom. We might want to give up power, give over or somebody be in control in the bedroom, or we like playing in fantasy and roles. But it feels like, oh,

I'm doing something naughty, you know. And then the the other aspect is impact aspect, so it's more of a sensation aspect, so people who like spanking or people who like ropes that intense sensation. And then finally we have the shape shifter, and the shape shifter is someone who's turned on by all of it. They want all of it, they want more, They want all the things, all the time,

as long as you can possibly have. They love it all and they want more of it, all the variety, all the different things, all the flavors, the Morgan sport of sext. I'm tired just listening to I want to talk to you because I have too many girlfriends have said they don't know whether they've had an orgasm or not, and I just think it's ridiculously Yeah, I'll send them some vibrators. Yeah, how do you not know if you

had an orgasm? I'm telling you right now, if you don't know, you haven't had one, you just haven't had I feel yeah, would you agree with that? Jack? Well, A lot of people pull me aside to say I haven't had an orgasm, And my first question is, what is your definition of orgasm? What were you saying the other day about what you call like the orgasm that everybody agrees is an orgasm. It's called the just like

the genital sneeze. You know, we don't mistake the sneeze like to it's that like right, And so that's just one kind of orgasm though, Yeah, there are lots of for in sensations, and I think that we got kind of trapped and like, if I'm not having that, then I haven't had the orgasm. God, But you could be having a vaginal orgasm which is much deeper g spot, you know, which is the spot is more like a tube, and so you can have kind of orgasm that waves.

It's different nerves that innervate the pelvic floor. You know. There's different kinds of clitteral orgasm. So have you guys seen what the actual clitterest looks like? Do you have here? I have it? I have it here. You can bring it and bring it out. So this is a volva puppet. Most women don't know what's even under the hood here and how amazing their vulvas are, and so we can see the whole volva here in er and outer labia. But the clitterest can either be more outy as well

or more a and have the hood. But this is the whole clitteral structure. We have just as much erectile tis you as a person with a penis, but ours just goes three sixty degrees around. So we have this. This is the vaginal canal. This wraps around the vaginal canal, so it goes all the way around in a circle. So yeah, getting more clitter it this is this is like that makes sense. Did you know your clitterest was the big I didn't. I'm a damn nurse, the same woman,

but I just thought it was this part. I thought it was this, but I didn't know about this, the bulbs, the vestibular bulbs and the legs. So this is part of the problem. We don't know about our bodies and then our partners and our lovers. And when you're talking about mind reading that we expect people to read our minds, Like how you go read this? That's a lot to read, not to just saying but it's not that anybody's wrong or not trying to satisfy us. Our partners want to

satisfy us. They want to is just nobody gave them the instruction manual well, I understand that you've brought. You've brought some more process. So what we're looking at is a whole world of discovery in front of us. We've got all of these sensation play items, and sensation play can bring us deeper into our bodies. And what sensation play is is it's literally just taking like a fork or a spashala and playing on the body with them to see what turns us on? Does that make my

body take a big deep breath? So we can turn anything in our household into something that can become sexy and erotic and playful and fun in the bedroom. And you do not need to go to the sex toy store. You can literally go to the dollar store and get all kinds of things from cat toys to car sham ease, makeup rushes, make vibrating tooth brushes. What can you do with the kay You could take one of these. This

glove would be great. You can put it inside the glove and then your whole glove and hand become this vibrating thing. Don't you use this with dust that you can't showing you showing you some makeshift situation. Even this, yes, like you can use it energetically where you're just like looking the person in the eyes right and your So this is our groupified version of the God. This just a little bit um, you know, because then you can use it for salad to nobody will shut Oh what

did you do with that? Jadaan somebody tip on a fanny, never heard nobody and a little tipparent taps on the fannies. This is going to be more thuddy, this is going to be more stingy, so different sensations. This is broader, so it's not going to hurt as that's where this broader a little bit. That's a little bit more staying on it, like idea being blindfolded. I don't like the idea of being tied up. Yeah I could see that. What is it about tied up? Then I'm out of control?

But that's for someone who likes to relinquish. I would say, someone like to relinquish in in lose control. We love the rope for sometimes somebody who has a lot of shame because all of a sudden, what's happening to them? You can't it's not their fault. But doesn't help get rid of shame or does it make you feel more shameful in the moment. It helps people release shame right in that moment. It helps him RELI shame because now it's not me, it's not my fault. M hmm. Are

you watching Ronnie Rodney's in for it? Thank you both. What you've done is really revolutionary. I think it's going to help so many people, we hope. So I just feel really grateful to you both and also willow out for having this forum. It's so powerful to watch three generations of women who love each other and respect each other, learned from each other and ask questions. It's such an amazing format that you guys have created, so powerful. I feel really lucky that you invited us to come. You

can't any talking to you. I mean, I'm so glad that Goop turned out to be more than just about household and I know that you came with the fire. You came with the fire, and don't forget to watch sex, Love and Goop. Thank you so much, thanks for having us. We're leaving you all. I love it is amazing. Take that game that's for you. Take that you might want this too. This was awesome to join the Red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow

us at facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by Facebook, Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.