Ciara: Healing the Emotional Scars

everything is not always good. I mean a shower and I'll be crying because I'm not in the happiest place and it hurts when I'm going through. I'm really afraid of losing myself. What was the most painful aspect of that? Was it the breakup? Was it the idea of being a single parent? When I was thinking about my son future, I realized I have to start making different decisions period. And she shares intimate details about her husband, Russell Wilson. What was it about Russell that made you feel like

this is the one? It was different? Was the family? He was like this and arms like I got you girl? Where the tissue? So yes, we got us a fist once a day, honey, this is gonna be good. One of the reasons why I really wanted to have her come to the table was the idea that she's transformed some of her maybe not so pleasant experiences into the idea of a beauty mark. I remember used to call

them battle scars. There's like, no, you got some beautiful battle scars, yeah, but beauty mark is actually yeah, that's the way are beautiful. Every woman has her beauty marks. You need the adversity to come into your wisdom. It is up to us to transform it. And and that's what I'm really interested in. Sierra burst onto the music scene when she was only eighteen years old, and since

then she has sold over twenty three million records. In twenty hurteen, Sierra and rapper producer Future announced their engagement, but after a very public and painful breakup, Sierra unexpectedly became a single mom to their son, also named Future. Then she found what she describes as the love of her life, NFL superstar Russell Wilson. Sierra decided to level up with her latest album, where she shares some of the most vulnerable moments of her life and reveals how

she turned her emotional scars into beauty marks. Let's introduce the beauty to the Red Table Siera. So good to see you guys are I'm my god, you you ladies are phenomenal. I mean, what I'm looking at in front of my face, I don't know the TV really shows it how I see right here, but you guys are I mean, it's beautiful, thank you and it's amazing, it's inspiring. I say, being a mom thinking about the bond that you guys have is very special and very rare. So

it's it's awesome. You know, I've seen you since you were a team. The idea of your album being called Beauty Mars that really hit me. As we come and go deeper into our womanhood, how we realize everything that we've been through, nothing's wasted, no regrets, real talk, learned from all your mistakes, learned from all your experiences. Yes, when was that moment in your life where you realized that idea? Because I think that's a pivotal moment, very pivotal.

I think becoming a single mom was a start of that. I would have moments not being in the shower and not be crying like I was, Like a few few moments I'll be crying. Different settings show and I'll be like crying because I am not in the happiest haste and it hurts what I'm going through. And what was the most painful aspect of that? It was painful? Was it? The breakup wasn't the idea of a single. It was a combination of everything, right, because none of it was ideal. Yeah,

it wasn't what you pictured. I grew with my mom and my dad being together, the idea of it being mommy and daddy that made baby. And then also you're living your life in front of the world a whole of the layer. I don't feel like I'm failing right now. Other people, most me, they come in and comments like, you know all that stuff. You know, it's it's real. You can't help but to think of it. The one thing I fear in life is really wasting my life,

wasting my time. I really fear that because you realize that time does not stop and it will be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that it's just not healthy. It's not going to get any better. I've realized I have to start making different decisions. Period. Sometimes don't actually know what you want, but you know what you don't want. You know what you don't want that. Knowing what you don't want is really half that's half more than half real because he creates clarity. You're like,

I'm clear. And then when you know what you don't want and you see that image, you're like, exactly, I don't. When I was thinking about my son, I know what I want to feel like, I know the kind of love like that I want for us. And I think it's important to understand that too, because even sometimes we give people on earth more power than they should have, and that's important, right, who are you surrounding yourself? It was a vulnerable moments and sometimes your friends to send

you up up the flame and down the drain. Remember one time I was working out on the elliptical machine and I was just like not sure about do I stay or do I you know what direction? Do I go? What is the right thing to do? And it's like it's easy to do this, but it's the easy thing, the right thing, right. So what I did was the future was like my teddy bear. Yeah. So I was like, we're gonna go, We're about to do this thing again.

Let's go. So his first trip was to a visa and that was kind of like my first time stepping out, I wasn't all way back to my normal weight. I was like, we're about to go, Like, let's go. I just was like, I'm going to commit. I'm going to commit to pulling through. There's no other option because if I if I decided, if I chose not to commit, then I was gonna fall apart. And the one thing I will say is I'm really afraid of losing myself.

Got it. And I think if you sit in situations that aren't healthy, or you let them like linger too long, you start to lose yourself. I don't like crying all the time. I don't like being sad. So I'm like, how do I get out of this because I like being like trying to I'm like, we're gonna have to push through it exactly. I'm not trying to sit in this feeling. You know. I had to take a couple

of times to figure it out. But my dad's love is would save me in all my situations, meaning because it would get to a point where it's like my dad would do my mom right, like business can't be love God. So he was your barometer. It's like you and I would think of him and the right moment, would you make me say, Okay, it's like doing the same thing over and over as insanity. Yes it is. So I'm like, okay, I gotta do something a little different here. So I had to say that I had

the same goal. I always had the same goal one wanting to be loved a certain way. But I was just walking in the wrong direction. I was looking in the wrong direction. I thought it's gonna be single for a long time. Being in that new position of being a single mom is like when you're thinking about dating, that's like a bit of a like what's this gonna be like? Because I look different now, Like not saying I physically looked a look different because when I when

I date now, it's not just me, it's Sam. You have somebody else. So you created a different vision for you, absolutely, and I was very clear on it. But I also desire something different. Let me tell you that right there. Because a lot of people like in situations that they say they want to be out of, but they don't want to change that. You don't really want that we keep having the same behaviors that keep creating those situations.

So you actually really like the pain that you you know, so loving myself was huge because once I start to love myself, then I'm also loving my son. Right then I can also love how I can also be loved how I deserved it to be loved, and I can also love the right way too. And the moment I start to do that, like the taste of something that I thought kind of was like cool or tasted right before,

it didn't taste good anymore. Yeah, your tastes change. Like I could feel the feeling of what I wanted to have in my husband that was going to come into my life. No more of the engage and do that no more? Like how how do they talk about marriage? When they talk they tell you they actually kind of tell you when they talk about marriage the guy whoever? They tell you they yes, you don't hear sometime what you want to hear? Yeah, what was it about Russell that made you feel like he this is the one?

Because what you said before is so true. When you have a child, you can't you can't experiment And the bringing everybody and everybody home. When Russ came into our lives feature was ten months old, there was different. I never had that feeling in my What was the failing what it was just like it was calm. Yeah, yeah, that's important. It was girl, it was calm before the cold might not have been a thing you were looking for,

you like, I need to fight. When that feeling come out, we're gonna turn away and we're gonna we're gonna look for that other feeling. But the thing is is that that feeling doesn't happen though, Yeah, it doesn't because you're clear. Yeah. So when Russie and I met, we were being friends first, right, he actually met my family in the friend setting. Oh, because it was not only me, but it's also my dad.

When he saw us all together for the first time in person, when we talked, we were connecting on every way and we talked about being equally yoked and his conversation it was just different. The way he looked at life. It was different. Also the energy with my son, it just felt right. And then of course the consistency. He's consistent. That consistency is so crucial. People can show up real nice on day one day he was like this open

arms like he's like all come, like I got you. Yes, Just the detail like whenever he would think of me, he would always think about my son, and to love me as to love my son. We come together. It's you know, it's just it's a different level of love. I really feel. That's one of my pet peeves. It's like, you can't love me and not love what I love for me. When I look at your story and I see you guys together, and I could tell that he's got real love for you because of how he's loved

your son. He had a post and I'm getting blink you already just thinking about it because I know how challengeing, Yes, because I have a bonus son who I adore, But it's challenging and knowing how to balance because there is a place. You know, Trey has a mother, so I had to learn how to have that motherly compassion without trying to fill that space because that space is taken right.

So Russell, he had a posed for future on his fifth birthday, said, from the moment we came into each other's world, now five years later, you've changed my life, my heart for the better. You are the greatest gift I could ever ask God for. Yeah, I will always love you. God, you teach you care for you. Happy fifth birthday. Don't make me cry because I know, like, especially for a man. Can we just be real about that for a minute, okay, Like for a man to

take on that responsibility. It has been a very special journey with my husband and I because we are blended family. How has it been as far as having a blended family, because I know that in my situation, My goodness, you take a long time. You know. I was telling Will the other day, you know, because she and I were chilling at the Aladdin premiere and over the years, how the process and how now it's so it's just it's

what's that, right? You know, It's just it does tate times always think about the mother's leng too far Proffer, I didn't even think about that. It's a different dynamic, you know. More than anything this is has been something real on my heart is that I don't think people really think about the child when they like to make chatter about kids, because everyone likes to weigh in on opinions. Yeah,

everybody got something to say. Adults, we can won't be fine, right, But the child is the person that has to read stuff, They have to see stuff. As far as the real life part of it versus the celebrity part, I think the biggest thing is always trying our best to just like live life as much as we can, as normal as possible, and so Russian fright in he was changing diapers.

He was so proud of Future's first steps. When I go to teach a parent conferences, he's at every one of them with me, and I make sure schedule so he can be there because those details matter to do. It's honestly one of those sexiest things about him to me because the way he loves my son. Also he loves our kids. Yeah, it's sexy. So so in the deliver, he was in the he was, he was in there, you see, was choke when I pushed out Future. He

was nine pounds announcers, he was one. Really she was not as big as Future, but I stalled at six cimeters so it worked out obviously. But she beat me up, and I was like, there must be something about this too, like she's got fired in the belly. But that's how mom was. She beat me up in the tummy. I knew you I had a fire cracker, you know, say I'd throw an elbow exactly. Girls bring so much fire, like I see the difference with Siena and Future and

it's just nice. Sienna is too going on twenty like y'all ready because ready if y'all ain't ready to too bad for you because it's about to start. I know when I delivered my kids, it put will an ultimate aw Yes, he had such a different respect and understanding of feminine power. Did you have that moment where because he was right there. He's a great boy. He was with me every step of the way. It's amazing because you can tell he still has moments when he's just

like wow, even looking at that. The fact that he has a daughter, like it's just so, it's just what has that been like? Because even for will he loves all his children, but there's a connection that he has two Willow specifically as a father to a daughter. I can see how he's softened. Yes, I think he's been doing a pretty decent job being firmed with love. He's got a good balance with it. But I do see the dynamics between when he's with future and with her. Yeah,

to be rough with the boys, but she's delicate. That's the little princess. Everything she does, like, oh like everything. But he's so sweet. I think also, there's something beautiful about your kids seeing how you're loved. Yeah, when I was a young girl, I watched how my dad loved my mom and and it's really sweet because they're so loving already. Both keep your auntie and it just showers me with kisses after school and seas. The way she

loves and the way she loves with daddy. It's really precious. And they learned from seeing you. They it seems like from everything that you've gone through now you can really be grateful. Like your gratitude. Oh, it's real, because I wouldn't have gone through those things. I may not have appreciated. Yes, the man that I have in my life, I want to appreciate it when it is really going good and

everything's falling in place. You need those roller coasters. I believe in my journey happening in front of the world for a reason. I'm really impressed at how unapologetic you are at being a mother and a wife. But you like, and I'm still sexy. You gotta be. And I'm still working, and I could be a devoted mom and a devoted wife.

I feel like I'm I'm thriving it more like i feel like I'm doing my thing, like about to do the cover of you know, okay, and then I'm about to go tomorrow, gonna drive my kids to school, and I feel like and then I do a confidence call to that and I picked them up from school, and I hang out with my husband date night, and I go back on the road again, Like it's the time where I'm like, I gotta make the best of it, and you know what I think, for me, it's also

important for my kids to see mommy doing her thing, like you can do anything you put your mind to, and that's real. And then factoring in now we're in CEO hat and artists had, mommy had and wife had its turns up like makes the best thing. It's good time, you know what I mean? God, don't just for it all and to who much has given? Much is required. As someone that's kind of tough, I feel like I've

been conditioned to be and protect mode. Oh yeah, like love, but still a little ounce of protection here just in case to mind wanna drop me off and just leave me hanging. But I think you gotta love fearlessly when you're in the right situation. You have to, like I surrender it. Yeah, you have to. What do you think people misunderstand the most about you. That's a really good question.

I feel like for times, I've always seemed a bit serious and I like to have fun, like I'm a goofy girl, you know, And I think oftentimes people see me glammed up and everything looks like it's good, and everything is not always good. So I do want people to know that. But I will tell you sometimes when you fake it till you make it, it helps you get through some stuff. Let's bring out the fishbowl. Yeah,

the fishbowl, the infamous fishbowl. Here we go. Alright, so you're I guess, all right, so you get to pick first. Are you and Russell going to have another baby? If you if you would ask Russell, we have like five more kids to me. I do look forward to having another baby. I hope that I can have at least two more. Yeah, that's I love my kids. I loving a mom. It's like my wife and my life. My family is my wife in my life, and I feel

like I'm really doing something even more because of them. Yeah. Right, the music and stuff is amazing, But gosh, when I look at those babies, I just say thank you God. And I love being a mom. That's the way I can see it. I enjoy it. Yeah, this way best gift you ever gave to Russell and received from Russell. I just recently threw him his thirtieth birthday surprise right there. But does she just say thirty? Is that this year?

They're young? Yes? He was like, okay, y'all and I'm a cooky no, but your baby is still Yeah, I am through his thirty of surprise birthday party. He actually threw my thirty of surprise birthday party, and it was only right that I got him back because that was the best party I ever had in my life. Thirty is such a special number. I wanted for him to walk into thirty with the bank, and so I did that. NZ. This is where you see here. Do you and Russell

ever argue? I don't know argue as the word, but we do have moments where we He thinks blue and I think red. Of course we do have those moments. Luckily, it has not been crazy so far, and we're about our third year of marriage. It doesn't have crazy. Yeah, crazy, I'm like arguing, like we didn't do a lot of arts. I'm really calm. He's pretty calmed too. He's very passionate, as he says. Yeah, we never get like tone high neither and I never ever, and I've been married to

him for twenty one years. So, Jennifer from Seattle, what was the specific prayer you pray to get cook the system? This is the funniest thing in the world, this prayer thing that all the fans talk about, Jennifer. I believe that when you pray for things in your life, be very specifically, very clear. You know about what you want and to the point to whereas you can taste it. You know, you can feel it through your bones, you

can feel through your body. It's a very spiritual thing because you're getting lost by praying and speaking and declaring what you want for your life. You know, I pray to really learned, you know, from the wisdom that I gained. You know, I prayed for discernment. I pray for god fearing man. Yeah, pray for someone that was gonna love kids. I want to stop you right there, because you just said something very important. I tell people all the time, a man can't be a good man for you. He's

got to be a good man for himself. Important And you don't want to just want else from validation. You know, me and my husband look at and I'm like, I'm a better woman because of him. He's like, he says he's a better man of you, use and me. But you know who we are by our first and foremost with ourselves. Who do you want to be a woman and who he wants to be as his own man? And how you to support each other in that? And

it's very attractive when someone knows who they are. Oh yeah, you know, they're a leader, you know, and they're clear on their vision. Where are you trying to go to and what is it that you don't want exactly? I just got a journal. I've actually been in detail writing like what I want for my life, Like what kind of person I want to be, how I want to react in certain situations, the things that I feel like I need to learn, the things that I feel like

i've I have a good handle on. You know, that's a real thing, because I really believe that you can't get to where you want to get to in life without having a compass and writing down is real. When I was thirteen years old and I'm fourteen years old, this is what I was trying to look at my life head after high school and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life as it

related to my dreams. Like when I wrote down on a sheet of paper my goals, and they were the goal list was short at first, right, I was very specific. The first goal was to get discovered, and the second goal was once I got discovered, to sell three to four million records. And the third goal was to have longevity. Right, those are my three goals on that paper. Fifteen years old, I signed my first publishing deal. Sixteen years old, I

signed my first recording contract. Then eighteen years old, put out my first album, and then and that album not only sold three to four million records, so five million records and the third goal longevity. Now I'm fifteen years later saying, they're talking to you guys, so that one simple philosophy or that page. So what you're saying is real, and I still do that to this date in my life. Sometimes in our household, we sit down and write down

our goals. Are we like, like you said the observation exactly, that's a real thing because that's also kind of like you dealing with things. That's also like if you need to heal, you can like cathartic. It's it's a cathartic, it's it's healthy and you're working on yourself. Yeah, you're up. Yeah. She didn't show me how to do that level up there.

Yeah yeah yeah. On the next Red Table Talk, I'm asked a lot was your infidelity in your relationship with will world renowned couple therapists A stair Parrel comes to the Red Table. So you've been really instrumental in my marriage. Monogamy used to be one person for life. Today monogamy is one person in the circumstances where I was the cheater. I was always looking for something. Yes. Plus, our Urtt family opens up sometimes you just don't know what's wrong

with you. Group, bring real quick. I want to get her out here. Don't worries exactly, girl, I didn't want to say anything. That's hey. R t T Family. Join our Red Table Talk group on Facebook become part of the conversation. To join the Red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation, follow us at facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook, Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.