Children Forced Into Marriage: A National Disgrace"

I was like, are you kidding me again? That there's this issue going on here in the United States that we don't know about. There's only two states, New Jersey and Delaware where you have to be eighteen years old in order to get married. Only two states in the United States. That's it. That's it. Wow, you can be seven years old. Does the law allow it because it's it's a religious thing. No, it doesn't have to be

a religious thing. All you have to do is have the consent of either a judge in some states, consent of a parent in some states. Some states you need the consent of two parents. So what a lot of people do is that they're state shop, okay, to figure out where the laws. Why we're trying to figure why why would the parents. We're gonna we're gonna talk to some young ladies today and they're going to explain what their experiences were. But it varies. I need to hear

the different reasons. Yeah, me too. What we're doing a show. Thank you guys for being here with us, Genevieve Sarah, Yeah, we really appreciate you coming today. Thank you so much talking to us about this subject, because for us, we didn't. I was so shocked when the producers told me that this was something that's actually happening in the United States. Eights. Um, that's a common response. Yeah, we were totally unaware, Like we are aware of that it happens in certain religious

cultures and overseas. It's a common misconception that child marriage happens abroad and it doesn't happen here. Them not us. That's that's them, it's it's not us. So I think people have this misconception of like the childhood sweethearts, that is child marriage of yesterday, of the fifties and sixties. Today, what child marriage looks like is the majority girls marrying adult men, and it doesn't just happen within religious sex

or religious cults. It happens across the boarden for many different reasons, and generally it's one parent or both parents forcing the child into the marriage. Genevieve, your story is heartbreaking, and what's interesting about it is that from what I know so far, that it wasn't based in any kind of religious And I know this is your first time that you're actually talking about it in public, and I really want to thank you. I'm so glad that you're

willing to share this with us. Genevieve grew up in southern California as a child who fell through the cracks of this system. She never knew her father, really got to go to school, and frequently bounced between foster care, shelters and even juvenile hall. But it was one spring when she went to live with her mother that her world turned even darker. So I turned fifteen and I met a man down the street. He was forty two.

Really prayed on me right away. Um, but keep in mind, you know, I mean, I feel like I have no value. But at this point, nobody's ever helped me, nobody's are reporting anything into me. You know, I was so alone, just utterly alone. So it was weird from the start, like the things that he would say to me. I mean, I knew it wasn't right, but at the same time, to have somebody notice you and compliment you, um, so

it was very confusing. It wasn't long before things started progressing and behavior became more and more inappropriate, and he was arrested. And then within a few days, my mom approached me and said, you know, this is all your fault. You're slut, You seduced this man, this is this is your fault. And so she offered the solution. She said, if you guys get married, then he will not be prosecuted. So he's been arrested, he's posted bail, he's out, there's

a pending court date. So the goal for her was to marry me before that court date, so then the charges would be dropped and he wouldn't be prosecuted. And she said things like, you know, because he had children, and she's like, you know, he's going to lose his children, and you know, he's going to lose everything, and just basically his life is more valuable than yours and we're going to swap them out. That she gravitated to what

was about was best for you? So some she figured out that Mississippi was probably a good bet to get this feed accomplished. So she went and she signed over power of attorney to this man. She copied her driver's license, and she gave him me and they went to big lots and got cheap, scratchy lingerie and lube, and then he took me in um an RV that he had borrowed, and we drove from southern California to Mississippi, and we

had really painful intercourse. Often I remember just crying and crying and him telling me to stop and I needed toughen up. And he said that he was trying to help me, that he knew that my mom was really bad, that my home life was really bad, and he was just trying to provide me with a better situation that included having sex with me right now. At this point, I never met my dad. By I knew that he lived somewhere in Louisiana, and I kind of knew like

some names and maybe some locals. I stopped and went through a phone book every chance that I got trying to find him. I thought, I thought about, um, you know, we stopped at a rest stop or something just walking out the back and maybe somebody would help me an interview, but nobody could ever helped me before, So what did I think it was going to work this time? Why? So we got to Mississippi, we go to the courthouse and we went up to this judge and my fiancee

he Um, said, hey, will you marry us? And the judge said, while I'll marry her, she's kind of cute, but I'm not gonna marry you. And before I knew it, he took out this little book and he started reading words and everything started spinning, and I'm like, this is happening, this, this is really happening. It's it, It's over, and then I went to go throw up. So that was my wedding day. Good. Was he physically abusive to you at times? Yeah? He was also an alcoholic. These drugs we got eviction

notices constantly. So I didn't have housing security, I didn't have food can security. I was not able to go to school. I never did get to go to school. He did not financially support me. So as soon as I was able to, I got a job at like a fast food place, and he had assigned my work permit. So you couldn't work, but you could get married. Right. This is insane. So at this point, I am so depressed, I am so anxious, I am suicidal pretty much all the time. I feel like my purpose in life and

the only value I had was what I could provide. Actually, right, And I'm sure that wasn't consensual either. Well, I mean it's not like I really said no, but I didn't really feel like I had a choice either. You can't say no. It doesn't matter, like this is what your wife is expected, It doesn't matter what they want, and if you don't comply, then what's going to happen? I always wonder, like what's the biggest Like why can't you come to them and say I want to get divorced

and then they can just divorce you? Like with what's the hold up? Like like I'm just ignorant about that whole thing. Well, as a child, you may not even know where to go get the worst. You might not be able to get yourself there. It's a contract between two people, So two people enter into the contract and they both have to agree to leave the contract. Now, what happens as a minor if you try to get a divorce, can you enter into another contract with an attorney.

Oh my god, you can. You're a minor, so you can't even get yourself out of It's honestly a perfect trap. There you go, it's a perfect it's perfect. It's a perfect trap. That's that's a perfect way to describe it. How long were you I was stuck in that environment until I was nineteen. How did you get out? By this point, my mom had moved from southern California to Virginia, and I mostly just wanted distance from my husband, so I actually moved back with her. But I'm nineteen, so

I am actually an adult. I can go get a job and I can leave. I want to write, and I'm even seeing somebody, this socially awkward young man who was nice, and I'm trying to get legally divorced, and I can't because I either don't have the money, or I haven't lived at the same address long enough, or I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do. And I found out I was pregnant, So you're still

married to still legally married. So at twenty, I had my daughter and I became a mother, and that is when I woke up, got it, and then you say you woke up. I woke up and I had a reason to live. Yes, so beautiful, and the world look different. Whatever I had to do, you know, my daughter was going to have a different life than I had. Right, I was able to progress professionally. So we had our apartment and it was the two of us, and I got more confidence. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go get this,

get this wrapped up. So take us back to the beginning for you. Sara's parents were divorced when she was just five years old. She lived primarily with her domineering father, who was a member of a strict religious sect. Gender roles were rigid, and her father controlled every aspect of her life. As a teen, Sara moved in with her mother. She began high school and even dreamed of becoming a lawyer, but her father had other plans. So I was living with my mom and she kind of let me have

my freedom. Of course, like at that age freshman in high school, boys are starting to talk to you. That's like a normal thing. And then at that summer after my freshman year, um, my mom told me that I had to go visit my dad, and I don't want to go. Um. I was still afraid of him. Um, But you know, I had to go with my dad. And that's not to say that I don't love my dad. You know, you don't stop loving your parents, So it's really hard to like, you don't think that somebody that

you really love, it's just like you know. Um. But as soon as I got off the plane, he basically sat me down and was just like, you know, you can't have sex outside of marriage, and you're getting married. The leader of our group is going to pick somebody for you, and you're getting married. I think he thought that he had to protect my sexuality at all costs, and if he didn't, not only I would go to Hell, which was a very real place for me, but he would as well. And I don't have any way to

talk to my mom. I wasn't allowed to talk to my mom. Did she know that's what he was No, she thought it was coming back to live with her and like finish my high school. That's what she thought. How old were you? I was fifteen and he was twenty eight, and I was spiritually married to him that same night. You had a wedding you So it's kind of like when you go to the church and you just get married in the church, but it's not necessarily

the legal part of it. And after that night, I was physically handed over to this man who I just met that morning, and for all legal purposes, he was like my guardian. So it was almost like I went from being a daughter to now a wife. And because just one night let him take you. And I just remember kind of like, Okay, like this is what I'm supposed to do. This is what I've been told what

to do, like my entire life. So it's almost like I felt like, oh, I'm doing the right thing thing, I'm agreeing to something that I was always supposed to do, like I've always been destined to do this. And I thought at that time, like I'm a wife now, like I have to accept this and like be a wife, you know, and like take on the duties you're I was told, like, you can't use birth control when your husband wants to have sex with you. You You have to do it, like that's just what you do as a wife.

And I became pregnant right away, So you were pregnant bust sixteen. I was pregnant by fifteen. I hadn't turned sixteen yet. We were living in the Bay Area, and at that point he would have been breaking the long California because you have to be eighteen years old in California to give consent to sex, but not to marriage. So it's a a loophole around statutory rape, and marrying him protected him from being charged with statuatutory rape. Yes,

that just is so backwards. Should be eighteen, but then you don't have to be eighteen to consent for marriage, but you have to be eighteen to consent. And we ended up going to Reno and doing this like drive through wedding chapel thing. In the state of Nevada, they only require one parent to give consent um in the form of a permission slip, like you excuse your child from class. And my dad gave my consent for me. My mom did not know. She still do not know

I was out to hear pregnant. The thing that really baffles me is like, how is there just no protection for these girls if all you need is just one parent signature. Well, the expectation is that your parents is your protection, and if your parent is agreeing to it, then I don't even remember being asked like do you want to do you? Do you want to marry this person? Like? Should I call your mom? So? What was your marriage like?

Were you afraid? Yeah? I mean I was afraid, but then a part of me felt like, well, you know, I just have to make this work. He was controlling. I couldn't drive, He had complete control over everything, finances, like where we lived, and so it was. It became this very ugly dynamic between us. And would you say that it was more of like an emotional verbal abuse, But really I think the abuse was the imbalance of power. I never felt that I had a say in what

was going on. I never felt like a human being. It wasn't until I had my daughter, who my daughter was the first love of my life, and like something in me changed and I was like I have to there's something wrong, Like there's um. I didn't think it was wrong until that point, which sounds really weird, but that makes sense because when you had children, consciousness comes,

you know. Yeah. I started taking classes at like a local adult school and I was almost through it and I found I was pregnant with my son, and I was devastated. I felt like, oh my god, I'm stuck again. There was one point where I think we were sitting at dinner and he started screaming like he usually did, and I was just like, I'm kind of done with this.

I don't need Why am I here? How did you really end up like getting the like courage to just make that, um, I mean my kids, But I felt like I had to be financially stable before I did that, and I wanted to be able to take care of my kids, and because I knew I was going to be responsible for that, So once you got financially stable, that that kind of gave you the confidence to be like, I'm going, But it took me three years to divorce him.

I'm honestly starting to think that it's like planned, Like these laws are like it's systematic oppression of young girls, Like these laws are like it's broken, like we see it and it's broken, but it's like specifically set up this way for a reason, you know. I mean that's ultimately why we're sharing our stories to raise awareness. Yes, it is happening. This is how much is happening, and we do have to actually change these laws. It took me years to even just be able to talk about this.

And it wasn't until I started going to counseling, Like counseling was a huge part of it to even like grasp what had happened. And even still I still struggle with it, Like it lasts for the rest of your life. It's not something that you can just be like, why don't you just get over that when you're feeling to

your life too? And even when you think you're stable and you've got it going on, something else will pop up and be like, well, here we are some more for you to not see, like a child and the purity and the fact that you're putting them in a situation that is so the opposite of their purity. Like I just something had to have happened to them to make them think that that's okay. I still struggle with that myself, because I'm why would you have a child if you just want to abuse them? Yeah, I don't

get it. I don't get it. Do you know my mother or she doesn't feel like she anything wrong? You know, he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. They feel like I'm you know, really emotionally disturbed and a bad person. Now what about your dad? Do you do you have a relationship with your dad or do you do you do you talk to him? Do you want to talk to him? It's just it's hard to I wish I could talk to my dad like we're talking right now,

but he doesn't want to have that conversation. If he wanted to have that conversation, I would have it with him. But I want to have an honest conversation. I don't want to have a conversation where we're just like talking about the weather. Yeah. Right, you know you both have gone to school, You've got careers, you've got new lives. Let me just hear about that real quick. I finally went got my g D and when I was twenty eight, and I started at the community college and then I

went over to the bigger college and US. So, yeah, I went from a g D to a master's degree in nine years. Yeah. So my undergraduate is in human services, which is like psychology and sociology. And then ultimately I got an m b A so master's in business for you in you, Um, I got my undergrad in rolled that into a master's and I just graduated master's program and Public administration, UM. And my undergrad is in business

administration that's awesome. That's awesome. Like, honestly, there are so many like even hearing you guys stores and thinking of myself like I'm just like, I don't know, just at the beginning. So like some people like their soul can just be crushed by things like this. And the fact that you guys have become even more you know, expansive human beings is like we had strong daughters we had

to raise. Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much, ladies. We can't thank you enough for um, thank you for listening, listen, thank you, thank you for being an audience and bringing it to audience. And there are organizations out there that will help you just fight the laws, being a challenge, UM to her a Justice Center and chained out Last. This is gonna educate a lot of people and help a lot of people too. So thank you, thank you for coming to ship. Appreciate Yeah, this is awesome. How

do you guys be after sharing all of that. I feel a little weighted myself, but it feels Yeah, it brings stuff back, It brings a lot, It brings it all back. Yeah, So you guys are done, We're done. Come on a new friend. Yes, Hey, r T T family. Join our red table Talk group on Facebook become part of the conversation. To join the red table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at

Facebook dot com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by Facebook, Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.