Embracing Your Authenticity

Hi , How's it going ?

The practice over the past few years we've opened up a handful of pro bono spots for folks who are experiencing financial hardship And , of course , sliding scale spots .

We've always had And we know that the need is there for folks to have some form of financial assistance And we're doing the very best we can to meet our community's needs in maintaining access to treatment for trauma and eating disorders . So Casey and her husband had a beautiful idea of starting to create merchandise that could help fund this scholarship program .

So we've been hard at work and , yeah , we're going to launch the merch , yeah , yeah . So we're excited , we're excited . So we're going to have sweatshirts , t-shirts , mugs . there's a hat on there . We were just talking about designing a bag . So , yeah , people are invited to check out the merch and support the reclaimed community .

We're talking authenticity .

When we talked about grief , like there's so many perceptions about what what grief is , and there are so many perceptions about what authenticity is Right , and I think how I would describe it to people is living your life in a way that's aligned with who you are , which is , again , a simple definition to a very complex journey .

Yeah , i'm like oh for the rest of your life right .

But I think that in the work that we do , in working with trauma , working with eating disorders , there is so much that can like really change the course of your authenticity over your lifetime that I think most people , most people I'm going to be very confident with it Most people do not live an authentic life for many different reasons .

Right , there is what we come across . A lot is diet , culture and trauma , right . And then there's capitalism , there's culture , there's so many things that tell us who we are . Well , if you have somebody telling you who you are your whole life , then when do you have the opportunity to figure out who the hell you are ?

It's not the first thing you're going to start thinking about . You're going to think about why you're not living an authentic life and having compassion towards that . So you know , diet culture I'm sure you've heard in all the podcasts so far is diet culture tells you how you should be , what you should eat , what you should need .

You know how good you should be . You know working out and all these things that don't ever ask you what you want ever . So going towards intuitive eating and intuitive movement and all those things are so far in because there is no trust in who we are . So really good .

I'm just thinking of it and I was like , oh my gosh , duh , what I do with clients when I first work with them in kind of like this weird question of like what do I want and what are my goals , and all of that stuff .

I ask them to tell me about a memory that makes them feel joy or contentment or passion , something that made them happy And I'm putting quotes around that for people who are listening , because it may not be happy , it may be another form contentment or something .

And they tell the story and they get all into it , right , And you can tell like the change in the tone of their voice and like their facial expressions and you know how fast they're talking . And I say , how does that feel ? How does it feel to tell me that story ?

Oh well , i forgot , i was even in therapy , or like I wasn't in this , i wasn't in this space right now , or I just kind of flow or I found all the tension leave my body and I say this is this is you , this is who you are , which I guess we can also say that this kind of is reminiscent of the self in parts , work , right .

So this part that can understand all of the nuances of us and come to a certain agreement . So I think that that's a good exercise for anybody to do , like you don't need a therapist to guide you through that , you can just do that or really be mindful of how you feel when you're doing things .

If you're feeling resentment , maybe that's an invitation to think about . Is this what you really want to be doing ? You know so , yeah , i mean , there's so much we could talk about .

So if there's any like tidbits from your personal experiences of reclaiming your authenticity and I'm also thinking about the name of the podcast , reclaim You right , this is what we're doing and this is what we're hoping to help people do is is reclaim what's true to them . Anyway , that was long winded .

I kind of told some of my story in terms of , you know , always being so hyper vigilant about what people saw me as right , being in a bigger body , feeling as though I had to compensate by being smart or being quiet . I'm 30 and I am Neither of those things all the time .

I am not the smartest and that's okay , and I am obnoxiously loud And that took time . Like that took time to own , i mean , i think , growing up . I would say that my experience with my own trauma journey Obviously created a lot of shame . It created a lot of like this is what feels safe to do and to be and and to not try new things .

And You know my world was very small and I think a lot of people who experience trauma the world becomes very small and really jumping outside of What you know to explore that is feels unsafe .

So that's another way we we are compassionate towards that in the work that we do and from personal experience I know that that's really hard , yeah , but I also think that you know every season of my life I learned something new , like when I graduated high school , when I graduated college and when my father passed away and when I met my husband and when we

got married . Like every time was kind of an invitation to Re-evaluate who I was . But I think that the biggest part of Learning what authenticity was to me was feeling safe to do it . So I think that that is a luxury and a privilege to have , yeah , that not everybody has a person or a community that they feel safe to explore them .

So my husband , shout out to Chris , was probably the the biggest part of me learning who I was . A person in my life who allowed me to Try new things and was always supportive and if something didn't work out , it didn't work out and always allowing me to ground back to Just the bare basics of who I was . And that was really important .

You know I've told in the beginning in the first podcast , like my total , you know , revamp of my external appearance , which is not the most important thing about me , but Something that I have felt that I have tried to do what other people expected from me as a woman , as you know , a professional , as wife , as You know some as a 30 year old and Honestly I

say fuck up to all that , i Don't care anymore . You know you do not have to dress a certain way because you're a certain age or the world you play or whatever . You do not have to wear makeup if you don't want to . You don't have to get your hair done if you don't want to , but if you do like , that's fine too .

Just being able to have choice in that Right . And I think Diaculture takes away choice . Trauma takes away choice , and most people have been touched by either , if not both , of those things . So if you don't feel safe all the time Delving into what feels aligned with you , that's totally okay .

I've had moments in my life where it was definitely safer to succumb to diet culture . It was definitely safer To succumb to what my parents expected of me or what my teachers expected of me or what have you . But when I had the chance , i took it , and I think that's when I encourage to everyone is when you have the chance , you take a little step forward .

But if you don't have the opportunity right in front of you , that's totally okay . And Being compassionate towards yourself when you're just trying to get by Authenticity is a luxury in today's society sometimes And that's really sad to say really sad .

But it's like the more that we can do , that we can tiptoe in and feel , oh , maybe I can tolerate this , like , maybe I won't be rejected , maybe someone will see me , maybe someone will affirm me right , and then popping back out , but maybe you'll stay longer the next time .

You know , something that we were just talking about before we started recording , and this resonates so much more now , is this thought of I belong here , you belong here with yourself .

I want to like be in the dirt and garden and pull potatoes from my garden , like that's what makes me happy . You know , being with certain people in your life , like if they don't make you feel good , and you have the safety to set boundaries or remove people from your life . That is a part of authenticity , right .

You hear therapists all the time and they're like boundaries are important And you're like this is another reason why . This is another reason why Because if you feel yourself being continually resentful , angry , frustrated , even anxious and depressed , there are many reasons why those things could be happening .

But just to assess , like , what is feeling good in my life And what do I have control over ? right , if you have control over something and you have choice , i say just pause and see what's there right , we're not judging it , we're not shaming ourselves , it's just what's here . The more you do that , the more you can develop a trust in yourself .

Right , We talk about body trust all the time in here . That's hard enough . The mental trust is another piece of it .

All of the things that we do , all of the work that we do with eating disorders and trauma , is coming back to yourself Reclaiming you right , like it's important for a reason . Ah , i say that to clients all the time . Like you know what a practice is called , what it's called .

They're like oh right , like I got it , i got it , but it's coming back to you . And the more we learn to rely on ourselves in a healthy way , not in a hyper-independent way , but in a way of , I can rely on myself to tell me what I need .

I can have intuition and I can trust that Maybe some of that resentment will go away , Maybe some of that existential crisis you may be feeling will start to fade away . Because , hey , that's a buzzword too , but if you're starting to feel like that anybody that's an evaluation to false Just pause and check out what's happening .

Invitation for anybody who's feeling like they want to buy a Maserati and move to Bali . I thought that one too fast .

You know , I think a lot of people , especially in recovery from disordered eating and from diet culture , start to feel that way of like I don't think this fits for me anymore . And it's this slow process of starting to like send it back where it belongs , Like you didn't call on this to come in .

A lot of times it was planted and you can start to send it back , like externalize the shit out of that . And the same thing can be about expectations and people pleasing and thinking about all of these different things that really pull us out of our authenticity .

And it's hard because there's this kind of hanging around part inside of us that says , like friendship scarcity . It says , you know , like the scarcity mindset is not just food , it's not just you know , it's body , it's friends , it's you know your whole world gets dismantled in a beautiful way when you're in recovery .

Just like we said in the trauma and grief episode , it's like when you unravel something it doesn't get necessarily better , it gets to . Oh , there's that thing too . Oh , okay . But the most freeing conversations I've had with clients are when they finally realize , oh , my god , like that person is , so not for me , like what are they doing here ? And ?

and just the Right , like I don't feel compelled or trapped to keep these people in my life . That don't make me feel supported , don't make me feel respected or Held or what have you , which is really hard .

Like that I call it the , the female culture , the girl culture , where You know it's , it's kind of embedded with social media too , is like surface level .

Friendships Are like status quo these days , like Mm-hmm , that's what we know , and then when we start to do all this work and you become very Almost like vulnerable , i guess , and you go who can I talk to about this ?

and when you can't see a friend in your life Where you feel safe talking about this stuff , that's an eye-opener Totally and That's a lot of work . I mean , it could be family , but it can also be friends .

You know , like it doesn't necessarily , you know , not in just one or the other , but that's really hard , like all of this dismantling , but I find that to be a very rewarding kind of Step on the hill , so to speak . That has been really rewarding for people .

It's hard to find and so sometimes letting go of the other kind of surface level Friendships that aren't serving you , or just engaging in them when it feels necessary or whatever , that can be a really hard process . Back to grief .

Of course it's like grieving what you know , grieving some semblance of connection and trusting in yourself that you're going to find The right people who are going to be able to meet you like the real you and honor that and not judge . You know the depth that you're hoping to experience in relationship .

And if anybody's listening and hears like risk inside their head , like you're not wrong , right , like The authenticity journey , just like recovery , just like trauma healing , it's all a risk , right , because your brain says what we know and what's familiar is safe . Yes , that's true , but is it ? is there ? is there more out there ? right ? Could life be bigger ?

That's life need to be bigger . Sometimes it doesn't , you know , like If your life in extenuating circumstances are stressful and you're just trying to survive . Maybe , like authenticity journey is not the next thing on your list .

So maybe it's not a you know Thing that you commit wholeheartedly to , but maybe it's something that you spend , you know , part of your evening or morning routine , just kind of assessing like how are we doing , how's our personal life , how's family , how's you know my hobbies , how's work ? Am I feeling any joy in my life ?

Am I feeling connected and Just having a little check-in with yourself ? It doesn't have to be much , but maybe it's . You know I'm . I'm gonna Get a latte instead of an iced coffee today because that's what I'm feeling right . Like it sounds yeah , right , that's maybe what I'm getting after this . It might be a song That just changing it up .

You know , like maybe trying something you've never tried before . Or You know , like you put that hobby down for a while because you know somebody laughed at you or Said what was dumb or whatever . Like maybe it's time to pick it up again . Maybe it's time to go to that book club that you've been Looking at on meetup and never went to . That's me .

Yes , i'm gonna take my own advice . Everyone keep me accountable where they go to that book club . You got this , i got this , but it , you know , just a little , a little thing . It can be a cup of coffee , but it can also be , you know , changing your job , it can be , changing a friendship , it can .

But it's all about pausing , compassion , choice and action . You don't have to follow them all in one shot , but they're all included .

You know like what is up with that . So , yeah , prioritize finding actual joy and I'm walking that back into my being because you know so it is . It's just like turning towards what , what's ready to be seen Like , what do I have capacity for ? how can I access this ? even in the smallest way , like a little glimmer of it , can be enough .

This response of pleasing and striving to be all of the things to all of the people so that they're constantly just getting themselves like there's lots of good reasons why authenticity is really hard , on top of just the culture that we live in , when everyone shows their highlight reels or talks about their highlight reels , or that's all we see , or that's kind of

all we want to see . You know , we don't see the hard stuff , we don't see the yucky stuff and how difficult it is to change course and just be with yourself through it .

It is really not a luxury that you have at that time , and so sometimes your first experiences in practicing that are in a therapy room or in a group therapy session , and acknowledging that is important .

When they do happen , when I see a smile in a session or I hear someone laugh , or you know they talk about something of their own volition , that is where authenticity is showing up , and getting people to understand what that looks like in a safe body and in a safe environment is the first step .

So if you're starting your journey . Don't worry about it yet . Don't worry about it . This is , this is a you know a future thing , but maybe trying it just in the simplest of terms , yeah , and it's kind of where body image , needing disorders and all that to see come into play .

You know , maybe you switch up your cereal today , i don't know , just throwing it out there . Try something different in your coffee , maybe you'll love it .

Stop on a smile and go . Of course , over the years , i've like done better with that , but and but . Just being seen in that moment and being like Oh fuck , yeah , i'm seeing it too , like I'm not okay , that's not great . You know , that's huge , huge for someone to actually see you .

So sometimes it is just in the therapy room that allows you to see yourself a little bit more deeply .

That sucks , right , yeah , but this can be a first step to see what you need in your community , in your supports , to feel good about just showing up as you are . Yeah , right , just because therapists say we want to meet you where you are doesn't mean that everyone else in your life shouldn't be doing the same .

Yeah , and if we were , then probably we'd live in a more authentic world . But totally , that's a podcast for another day .

So can you speak to that a little bit about values and their importance and kind of like how to use them as a guide back to yourself ?

It's not always necessary but it's really good as like a stepping stone So you can find them online anywhere , or we can , we can maybe include a values list in the podcast link , but you know it varies , like , if you think about values they're , they're things that are important in life , not to everybody , but to each their own Right .

So family , friends , loyalty , respect , passion , fun , laughter , love , but the things that are really the roots of humanity and some culture and some community , like the bare bones , basics .

So if someone is coming in and they're having all of these stressors and issues with boundaries and , you know , maybe struggling with disordered eating , handing them that is hard for them to say , like what's important to you , and they go , i don't fucking know , i don't know . So I encourage people to just say , like , what words do you resonate with at all ?

Either good , bad or indifferent . And it's just an invitation to take one by one , what do you feel in your body when you think about this word ? Does it feel icky ? Does it feel good ? And when you start to understand what's important to you , you take all those values and you say am I living my life in accordance to that ?

If respect is important to you and you're having relationships where you are not feeling respected and you're feeling shitty , makes sense Totally . Now where it gets tricky is that could be a family member , and family might also be another value to you .

So , you know , maybe that's pausing and going to parts work and seeing what parts of you are trying to protect you And that's something you can do with a therapist and trying to understand which parts need to say in this and maybe coming to some form of negotiation . It's easier said than done , obviously , but I think it definitely has value .

But it has value in body image , eating disorder and trauma work And you can even hone in on like what values do you see your eating disorder going against right , as a way to kind of see are those things important to me ? Maybe that's a way to encourage some motivation for change .

Or you know , these are the values I grew up with , but now that I am a grown up they're not really the values that I'm aligned with anymore And you get to create your own . So values are kind of the stepping stone for the foundation to stepping stones of authenticity And it's definitely a good starting point , especially to really start to just connect .

Connect doesn't mean action , just means connecting Love it . Can I answer the question ?

It's recognizing that this is a , you know , a luxury to do and that we recognize that . But also , if you have the space to do it , to take advantage and yeah , it's important . But be gentle with yourself . If you can't show up in your authentic self , you're in there , you're always in there .

So be sure to check it out if you'd like to support Got anything else you want to add , casey .

We'll be back next week with another episode . Until then , take good care of yourself .