¶ Reclaiming Yourself Amid Obligations
Hi there , welcome to Reclaim you , a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team . Join us as we share stories , tools and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma , disordered eating and body shame . Grab your coffee , tea or your favorite snack and get cozy , because we're about to dive in . Come back to Reclaim you . Casey is back today .
Hello , hey , today is Monday . We're recording on a Friday , so happy Friday to Casey Woo . Happy Friday , happy Friday . How are you doing this Friday afternoon ?
It's been a long week it has . Oh , I'm tired . How are ?
you , I'm feeling a little tired myself . I had a week of solo parenting , so on day five , and my husband comes back tonight . So , yay , very excited , yes , yes , so I'm tired too . But yeah , we were just talking about like imperfection and how it's okay to be imperfect .
Yes , Even in those times where you know we might have obligations and we have things that we need to do . Right , Something like this we're like , we show up for each other in an imperfect way . Right , the weeks are long .
You get caught up in the hustle . You get caught up in the hustle and the pressure and the performing , and I think part of this whole , like reclaiming you process is acknowledging like oh , here I am , I'm caught up in the shoes .
I'm caught up in the go , go , go , perform , perform , perform , be perfect , be on all the time and like taking a step back and saying , wow , I have some options here .
Which Friday afternoon is a really good time to have some space to figure that out . Yes , oh , when no one's meeting me anymore , when you know the phone stops ringing , when you know I leave the office or I leave my office for , like , I become myself , or you have the option to become yourself again .
Yeah , and like what supports you to do that , to become yourself . Yes , the touch back into yourself which we all know is tricky .
Okay , we all know that's tricky . I think something that is very important to me and it became a routine for me when I got into hospice work was that I took a shower right when I got home , like where there's a will , there's a way I will get in that shower if it is life or death .
And that's what I've done every single day for years , and to the point where everybody knows don't bother me , I'm showering and it feels so good . I love that . Like so good Me time . Get the funk off from the day , get the time to just listen to the shower .
Like , yeah , right , using your favorite like body wash , or if you haven't washed your hair in a couple days , because that's me scrubbing that scalp right . So a mix of self-care . But also just like daily hygiene , right . It's like making it represent something that maybe you didn't allow it to or didn't see as a way to represent it before .
So that's one of mine . I love that . Do you have a favorite one of separating as you end your professional world ?
You know , after seeing clients , I like to sometimes do a little bit of shaking like , shake some of the holding of overwhelm , the holding of hard things , other people's suffering . I like to just kind of like clear my energy , leave it here in the room .
It's hard because it still kind of stays with you , right , yes , we walk out the door and it's like , oh , the person I just saw is no longer on my mind , right , but how can you integrate you also into holding that suffering ?
Because we care so deeply about our people , love them , think about them , root for them on the weekends when we're not in contact , right , but I like to do some shaking of like okay , a new part has to be in charge right now . Yes , of course , not in charge anymore . Mom , part on right .
So even just like little things , little things like that , I think can be supportive of just shifting and giving permission for something else to take up some space in my awareness , even though sometimes it's hard and I think more about my clients than what's going on in the downstairs . I don't know , it's tough .
Yeah , it's a different experience that I get to hear from your life is being a mom and how your roles constantly are changing right , and sometimes I don't have a role to fit into , right , like I'm tempted to take care of my husband and take care of my animals and check in on my friends or my family , and realizing that that's not what I have to do .
That's what I choose to do , because I can be the person who gets out of my office and starts running around like a chicken , with her head cut off , trying to take care of everything that I miss today , that somebody is missing from me , right .
Like allegedly expecting from you , right yeah ?
Right . Expecting of me ? Right , that I have failed miserably by being in my office working and not doing all those things that don't really matter in the brand scheme of things right , but I think , whether it's the mom role or just being a caregiver in general , right .
Like , we care so much for people that that , I think , is one of the more challenging things for me . To turn off is waiting , and asking for someone to take care of me is a hard thing . Yes , or I just need to take care of myself . Both of those are challenging , right , because , like , what the hell does that even mean ? Right , taking care of yourself ?
Right , and I think it's taken me a long time and I'm still really bad at it . Same Like , really bad . Same Authenticity everybody . Authenticity , that's probably real . It's rough out here sometimes it sure is , but I think it's .
¶ Seasonal Hobbies and Self-Care Importance
What is most helpful for me recently is having something particularly that I enjoy during each season . So for the summer , gardening is my thing , so tending to it . Being outside , I can care for something that really gives me something in return very quickly . And that's helpful in the fall , because I'm a fall girly . I did it for Halloween last week .
And likely all are . I saw that you had and I'm like , yes , I love it , but the spooky lights and like the ambiance on the TV and a nice cup of coffee and like taking an hour to read , that's what I enjoy doing .
And then in the winter time it's baking , and then , you know , in the springtime it's going outside on like walks or going to places I've never been . So , you know , for people out there who struggle with like hobbies or finding things to do , it's like trying something each season , right , and having some flexibility there might be helpful .
I noticed that it's been helpful for me .
Yeah , one thing you forgot to mention in the fall season is zombie babies .
Zombie babies I found that super scary ?
No Is Okay . So everyone listening is probably like what are they talking about ? What are zombie babies ? And they are like they're zombie babies . They're these little doll things . That's fear of Halloween . That are baby zombies and my kids are obsessed with them .
Obsessed with them , carry them around , take care of them , bring them to every store we go to swing with them , slide with them the whole night . So precious .
I love it . I mean , if that doesn't give you serotonin , I don't know what does . I'll have to post a picture Please . Like , keep posting these to your feed , because it made my day the other day . I couldn't tell you , I mean I did .
I did reach out to you and tell you it was precious and you know thinking about the sensory things of listening to where we're in right Fall .
Yes , you know like smells and colors and food and drinks and activities , and you know honoring those by I don't know like , if you want a bake one , I've made pumpkin apple muffins the other day because I wanted to put all the things right , like all of the flavors , and then , like I don't know , getting pumpkin spice creamer because it makes you happy .
You know stuff like that , like bringing things into your home that bring you a sense of peace or groundedness or joy and using them . Are you a candle burner ?
I am a candle burner .
Yes , yes , that is one , every night it is .
Yes , it's just like it does something to me , the scent , what it brings back right . It's just like I can breathe a little bit more easily . Oh that's even food , cooking , baking . There's so much there in terms of noticing what you need , how you need to care for yourself .
Of course , feeding yourself is probably the most important way to ever take care of yourself , but it taps into such a sensory experience that can be so incredibly regulating and connecting and grounding all of the things .
Yes , I mean I've read there's been a decent amount of studies actually in regards to like culinary exploration and mental health impact , which I find incredibly fascinating because it wasn't something that I thought too much about for many years .
I grew up in a family of a restaurant manager and a chef , and so I grew up around cooking constantly , and so it's just something I remember sitting in a restaurant my mom worked at .
I lost my first tooth there and I used to sit at the bar and read Miss Pigle Wiggle , so it was kind of like very comforting for me to get back into the kitchen after being in college and not really having the energy to cook .
So me and my husband do so much cooking and thinking about like Things that you like spices that tell your story , being able to share a meal with someone , or just doing something to make your life easier . You know , like cooking something to have it ahead of time , or you know things like that .
And baking is a whole other beast but has different benefits because baking is precise . So baking is a little less creative .
I mean , if you're decorating and stuff , that's one thing , but being able to do something that is very precise and particular you know particular I think can strengthen a big part of our brain that is , being mindful of measurements and putting things together and following a list .
That I could see it as like a healthy form of dissociation , at times right , and then sometimes being mindful . So it could be like a double service right there in a way .
Even in and out . In and out . Yeah , it's the right size right . Like it's follow the recipe . You do the thing . There's containment there .
Yes , and you know , like that also includes you don't have to make it from scratch either .
Like doing a box mix is fine , doing like I don't know , like frozen meals where you like , or Hello Fresh or those types of things , that that is still cooking , that is still exploring with your hands and with your senses and realizing that there's a spectrum of cooking and a spectrum of baking and a spectrum of gardening and a spectrum of , you know , many
different hobbies and , I think , releasing yourself from the perfectionism of what these things have to look like yourself care , you're taking care of yourself that you can get so wrapped up in it that you don't do anything . And then who's that helping ? Right ? Nobody . I'm sure we've all done it once or twice , or seven times , I don't know , oh sure .
Oh sure , of course , and it's like it's this interesting balance , right ? Self-care , of course , it's necessary , we all know this and acknowledging , like , what you're needing to self-care about I don't know if that makes sense , but you're lonely and you're feeling isolated , right .
Maybe the need is connection , solid connection , so being able to take care of yourself through that avenue , and not just like going to take a bubble bath by yourself because maybe that's not going to work . You know , right , that's not hitting the need .
That's a really good point and I think you know it makes me think of a really quick , a quick trick for people to try if they're struggling with that , because society , social media , diet , culture can tell us , like what we need , right , you need to do this .
And like this is the thing to do , and like it's not always , but it also means that you're getting to know yourself . In that way , you're trusting your intuition , you're building that relationship with yourself which you heard in all the other episodes is continually getting lost from all of these things that have impacted our lives .
Yeah , I ask my clients to ask themselves three questions how do you feel emotionally , how do you feel in your body and what would feel good to take care of all of those ? So it's very individualized . You might feel sad , but in your body you feel mellow .
It's like maybe you just need to embody that sad and like , watch a sad show and feel that feeling , Move with the feeling , with it , embody it right . But there might be that you're sad and you feel , you know , like the urge to isolate .
Maybe that's an invitation to reach out to somebody , that maybe you need that connection , yeah , or you know there's multiple ways to look at that . You might just feel really freaking fantastic and maybe you want to share that with somebody . Yeah , you want to pay it forward .
So those three questions write them down , put them in a notebook , put them in your phone . I think it's a good thing to do a couple of times a day . Same again , in case it was missed how am I feeling emotionally ? Number one ? Number two how am I feeling in my body ? Number three what would feel good to take care of ? Those two things ?
It can be something small , it could be something big , it can be something in between . Yeah , I think it's a reminder for both of us to ask ourselves those questions .
That's the truth . That's the truth
¶ The Importance of Self-Care and Compassion
, darn it . We got it slow , sarah , as we slide into the weekend .
Whoa just kidding , no it's a good reminder and you know when ?
maybe when self-care isn't accessible . Right , Thinking of ?
myself .
Not to make it all about me , but thinking about myself .
Not making about you .
Sometimes all I want to do is go to Target . I walk the aisles by myself , maybe engage in some impulsivity , maybe I feel like . I'm doing . I don't know whatever , but I can't do that all the time . Right , Maybe I want to read a book that's not a therapy book . Maybe I want to have some alone time .
And it's not accessible on weeks like this week , when I was solo parenting all week .
It just wasn't accessible .
So that acknowledgement of , like , my cup is getting very full . I'm not going to ignore that my cup is almost overflowing . I'm going to address this in little little ways throughout the week so I don't overflow , right . And now that the weekend is here and I have my husband's home , my priority is now like , okay , how can I take care of myself ?
To best take care of myself first and then to take care of the people that I am , you know , responsible for and that I love and care about .
Yes , that is something that's so important to start on and I'm glad you shared that because there are , you know , thinking about some of this stuff , depending on what it is right . Some of it is just regular hygiene , regular like doing of life , and then some of it is extra .
But recognizing that those two things can still feel like a luxury in some circumstances in your life and that's really needs to be validated , that if we are feeling really depressed , taking a shower every day might not be the self care that you need and it might not be the self care that you can do If you don't have the resources to do certain things , I
want to give a lot of compassion to that because it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong . It actually means that you're honoring where you're at in your life and being flexible and doing something that serves you .
And that's why the self care you know that it's gotten so mainstream can bring a lot of shame to people because there is only these few ways to do it .
When , in reality , I tell my clients , if you're showering every other day and you're brushing your teeth once a week , like that's fantastic , you know you just have to be really kind to yourself and you know , I can't imagine even doing those little things of self care this week or by with you . That sounds really hard , you know .
So think about how much strength it takes to do that too .
That's a lot , that's so important Self care is a luxury sometimes To all the single parents out there . I just have to say that you are , yes , badass , yes , yes , badass , you are badass .
And if someone hasn't told you that , please know that wholeheartedly .
We are your cheerleaders .
Yeah , and I think that , you know , the thing that I noticed the most for me is the difficulty in socializing as a like a self care or , like you know , I tend to look at it as an obligation . As terrible as that sounds , right , am I not giving myself compassion in this moment ? Maybe , maybe .
Catch myself . Maybe you're also being like super authentic .
Both exist , do you see ? We're all continuing work on ourselves . I struggle with that a lot .
I feel like , you know , all I want to do on the weekends is just be completely alone and realizing , like , over time , I've explored what that is and what I've noticed is that I still feel the pressure to be the person I am with clients , with the people that I care about , because I do care about them , and so my brain has a really hard time shutting off
that . I can be , you know , continue to be authentic in this different role , and it doesn't have to be the same right , and that has been really healing for me .
So , I think , for people who are noticing that they want to isolate a little bit more and it's , you know , not for , like , depression reasons or things like that like thinking about , like how am I expecting of myself in this moment ?
And maybe I need to start entertaining , letting go of some of that really rigid belief and now I have a little bit more fun socializing , love that Really .
I think it is that you know , maybe not the glamorous self-care right that Instagram or TikTok I'm not on TikTok so I don't really know Right , all of these places share but these like ways to like boring self-care right , things that are just going to bring you into a little bit closer zone of some sort of like ease or spaciousness feels just probably the most
important . Sometimes you're going to be able to do the big stuff , right , right , and life is just life-y . You're often maybe not going to be able to , despite wanting to right . Intentions are always wonderful and what are the little things that you can do ? Like little , teeny , tiny baby steps that are your like entry point into some more spaciousness inside .
And I feel like every podcast episode we do we just we come back to that right it's like how to take that little well , because it's freaking important is what it is right . We take this little nugget of what can I do right and I can be in touch with myself , to have compassion for myself and not have these high expectations .
And sometimes your self-care will be I will go to bed as soon as everyone is taking care of right , and sometimes it's like on vacation , and whatever's in between is totally okay and fine , as long as it feels good to you . I always ask my clients does it feel good or is it something you feel like you should be doing ? Be aware of that .
If it feels good and it feels authentic , then that's right . That's correct For you and your body . Yes , exactly so . We're going to do that this weekend .
We are . We're going to reclaim that ship .
We're going to reclaim it , we're going to come back to ourselves , we're going to be compassionate and we'll report back and see how it went . Falls and all .
You'll get a report back . You will . It feels like an important conversation . Self-care is so important , right , acknowledging that you have needs , addressing them in all these different ways , whether it's baking , or going for walks , or smelling a candle , meeting with a friend , choosing to be by yourself .
Baking a map .
Yeah .
How am I doing that tonight ? That sounds good . Well , I hope you have a wonderful weekend with all of the extra help you're going to feel like you have tonight . Thank you , and just do something kind for you .
Yes , I think I will . It might just be like playing with the zombie babies , but that's still fun .
That sounds fantastic . I'll send you a picture . I love it . Please do Like I'm waiting for it . I'm waiting for it , it's going to be so good .
All right , everyone . That's what we have for today . We hope that it was helpful or supportive , authentic . We're rooting for you . Yeah , we're all in it . We're all doing it . Okay , we will be back next week with Abby for another episode , so we will talk to you then . Bye .