Welcome to Reasonably Shady, a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.
What's up?
What's up, y'all? This is Robin, one half of Reasonably Shady, and I am sorry to inform you but life has been lifing for us and we do not have a new episode for you today. However, we are going to replay a wonderful, amazing, important episode from season one called Mine Your Mental It is all about mental health. Of course, talking about mental health is always important while life is lifing for us and for most people around here. This is a great episode to listen to. We will be
back promise next week with an all new episode. Thank you for loving us, for being patient, for understanding, but we will talk to you soon. All right, bye.
A lot of times we don't talk about you know. We laugh, we giggle, we do, we do our thing. But you know, we definitely wanted to get to especially with the journey that Robin has been on, we wanted to get into some mental health. So we put a question out to you guys about the misconceptions of mental health. And this episode is called mind your Mentals. Okay, mind your mentals. And because I'm not an expert, Robin's not an expert. We did get an expert to come and chat with us today, and.
Yes, I'm going to introduce our guests, but just to talk about like this with the show, just me talking about how I was feeling during COVID or my seasonal depression. Honestly, I was floored by the response that I received from the viewers. YEA, for people who said, thank you so much, you verbalizing everything that I feel, you know, thank you for representing people like us, thank you for making me
feel human. And so I've realized how important it is to talk about these you know, not just in your private home or in your you know, with your trusted confidante, but like, you know, in a public setting, to make people know that people like us who are on TV were human as well, and you know, just to make this forum, in this topic a little bit bigger, you know, so that people don't have to hesitate to talk about mental health.
And also to make it not feel so taboo. You know, it's not a subject in which we can't talk about. We definitely need to talk about it, and we need to make it we need to normalize it a bit. So absolutely, please tell us who I guess it is.
So I'm going to introduce our guests and then we're going to take a short pause, okay, because so, so, I just want to let you all know Gizelle and I will now be sharing a microphone. Since we are by residential, which means, you know, sometimes we record at Gazelle's house and sometimes we're at my house, we forget a piece of equipment, which would be called a third microphone for our guests. So once we introduce our guests, she's going to have one microphone, and then Giselle and
I will share one. So it might sound a little wonky, but you know where you men, so bear with us, all right. So, Mirja Paul is the owner and clinical director of Soul Counseling and Consulting. Major received her Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology from the Pennsylvania State University and her Master of Science degree in Clinical Community Counseling from Johns Hopkins University Okay credentials. Marja is a licensed clinical professional counselor and is an approved clinical supervisor by
the Maryland Board of Professional Counselors and Therapists. In April twenty twenty, Major opens Soul Counseling and Consulting, a group mental health practice that provides individual, family, and couples counseling. Mission is to decrease the stigma of mental health, particularly in communities of color. Her vision for the practice is to create a safe and supportive place for clients to
feel comfortable, heard, and understood. Marriager's goal is to help people feel empowered to live, not merely exist or settle. She chose the name Soul because the sun is a daily reminder that we two can rise again from the darkness, that we too can shine our own light.
I love that.
And before I let Marriaga talk, I have to say something. Marja is the sister of Carly, who is our director of operations. Okay, so you all have heard us talk about Carly. Carly is the one that kind of like handles our logistics. She's helping us set up. She forgot to bring the third microphone.
Okay.
I'm Joe, and Carly's also like my very good friend, Like you've seen Carly on the show, helping me out with a lot of my different ventures. But I just want to say this. I found it very comical. So I'm looking at our emails on the reason Reasonably Shady Emails.
And I see this email from our director of Operations, Carly, to her sister Mirja that says, hello, miss Paul, we are I am writing to confirm your appearance on the Reasonably Shady podcast at If you have any questions, please forward them to me whatever, blah blah blah, sincerely Carly, the director of Operations. And I was like, what, I'm like, this girl is literally talking to her sister in a business manner. She takes her director of operations job very seriously.
Okay.
I always dying if that was me and I was talking to my sister, I'd be like, hey, girl, we're gonna see you on Friday.
At four o'clock, all right, peace?
Like what? Yes, you gotta keep it professional at all times, But were you like sister No, I found it very professional, and I was I was very proud of her, like, I'm a professional woman. Don't talk to me like I'm some regular chick off the street business.
Okay, okay, okay. I did want to say that you're just soul counseling. It's spelled s o L, yes, not so s o U L. I thought that was like so like soul.
Oh, but it isn't soul s o l.
That's so that son in Spanish.
That's so that sun in Spanish. It's also like the root word of like a lot of words with sun, solstice. Yes, sola and French, so you know, trying to go back to my my French roots and yes, but no one can say so lea. So I was just like, never mind, you just keep making us think yes.
Okay, So getting into it. So with the misconceptions about mental health, a lot of people said that they feel like they're weak right when they go seek out counseling. They feel like they're quote crazy, like, you know, they don't want to feel like they have mental issues. What are your thoughts on that?
So we get that a lot, right, And that's the whole thing about the stigma and how you were saying, Robin about like making it, you know, just more normal normalizing it. Right. So back in the day, it was for quote unquote crazy people, right, it was for severe mental health issues. They would go to the you know, psychiatric hospital and things like that. And I don't know
if we've really changed from that. We're changing, you know, but it feels like, do you wait until like your arm is about to fall off before you go to the doctor. It's like, are you weak for going to your regular doctor for your regular checkups? No? So I feel like we take care of our body, you should also take care of our mind. So that idea about it being for weak people or just for crazy people.
And you know, as a therapist, we don't like to use the word crazy, but no, I feel like there are a lot of different issues that people have and don't wait until it's too late or you're super struggling with something before you go talk to somebody.
Okay, but I'm sorry. A lot of people used crazy, right, and that's what they said, Like I'm gonna feel crazy. That's for crazy people. So what word should we be using because I don't feel comfortable using that word.
Sure, just say how you feel, right, So like if you say I'm gonna feel crazy for going or do you feel like a crazy person? If you feel like a crazy person, and that's your word to use, Okay, but you can say I'm feeling really anxious, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Okay, I feel like I just got to get like would you say on the show Rob and get my life together, Like you just say how you feel. You don't have to just go to the word crazy, just say how you're feeling.
I like that. Okay, So when would you say, like, is there a point when people should know like, Okay, I need to go talk to someone because I'll be honest with me. Can I consider myself to be a very thick skin person. I'm very like, Okay, you know, life isn't perfect, you know, suck it up, move on, it's in And I probably don't spend the time to kind of like really sit back and check in with myself.
And so for you know, people like me or even other people who kind of just you know, have this stigma in their mind about mental health, when do you say, like, Okay, I need to now, I need to go talk to someone.
I need to check in.
Yeah, but it's just like, whatever you're doing hasn't been working. So if whatever you're doing is not working, then you try something different. Sometimes it's therapy, sometimes it's something totally different. But if you're feeling like, oh my gosh, I've been dealing with this for a long time and whatever I'm doing is not working, be open to trying something different and therapy is not for everybody, but you could try
it and see if that works for you. But the whole thing about thick skin and being weak, it's just like I said, I mean, if you're struggling with something, just try it out.
Okay, So that's that's good to know. But let's back all the way up. So let's say I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling overwhelmed, which is easy for me in my life because it's just a lot going on. Would your recommendation be for me to first step seek therapy or would you recommend I don't know, I go to the gym, I work out, I you know, drink a glass of wine a night, Like what what? What are your steps before therapy for somebody to think about or consider prior to going to therapy.
Sure, so here's the other thing too. When you talk to a therapist, they're going to suggest things like that too. Okay, Right, it's not all about this. It has to be so structured and so serious. It could just be doll, do you have a schedule? Are you writing notes? Are you going to sleep at the right time? Like sometimes a therapist is just suggesting normal things like make sure you are going to the gym, make sure you are going to bed on time, make sure you are drinking your water every day.
Right.
So if you're not at that place where you're like, uh, okay, I'm feeling anxious but I'm not quite ready, reach out to friends and family. Like that's what we do, right, We talk to our friends, we talk to our family. Social media, although it has you know, it's pros and cons, sometimes there's a lot of resources on social media as well.
Right, Okay, listen, I'm sorry, sirup needle on the record.
Okay.
If we're gonna go to social media to feel better about ourselves, pros and cons, that is not.
Resources. Right. There are a lot of mental health Instagram pages, okay, Right, So it's not just the shade room. It's not just shout out to the shade feral, you know, for entertainment. But there are other pages that are about mental health and anxiety and motivational quotes and things like that. So again, you know, pros and cons, but there's some resources on there as.
Well, okay, right, And I feel, you know, for some people who are maybe embarrassed to talk about their struggles or they don't want to be judged by you know, their family members or their you know, friends or whatever for what they're.
Thinking or they're feeling.
I think the therapist is that great, you know, mutual party that's not biased. They don't know you, they've seen it all.
They're professional.
They're all about the privacy and the hip of laws and all that type of stuff. So even for someone it's like, if there's just anything that you're dealing with in your life, whether it's just you know, a disagreement with your sister or something, you know, a therapist is always that neutral party that you can talk to that you don't have to worry about being judged because that's what they do, right, you know. And it's unfortunate because so many people live their lives and all they worry
about is being judged. So you know what I mean, It's like they worry about what people think and whether it's the way they look, they dress, their weight, you know, their job there whatever, or their relationships, like all they care about is how they're being judged.
Right.
I think a therapist is a neutral party that you don't have to worry about that.
There's something special about that. So some people are like, well, you're a stranger and I don't know you. But the other hand, it's like, oh, you're a stranger and I don't know you, oh, which means you don't know me, which means I can say whatever I need to say and be okay about it. So there is that definite like, Okay, you don't know all of my background. I'm telling you a little bit about myself and you can kind of
chime in from that outside perspective. Think about when a company needs, you know, just a shift or a chain, they hire an outside consultant, right. They don't talk to people who are necessarily in the company. They're like, let's go outside for someone who's like outside the box looking in. So that's what a therapist does for you. It's a different perspective. It's someone that does not know you, and it's just like, Okay, you're not going to see me at the club.
You know, Oh, you're gonna see this therapist at the club. But it's not I kind of I feel like a lot of people feel that it's scary. Yeah, right, They're really gonna sit down with somebody that's a professional that knows what they're talking about, that knows when you lie in and can call you on your shit. So that means that you have to have a level of vulnerability to even sign up for this.
You do, you do, but in the very first conversation. I'm not going to sit here and ask you in the very first conversation your deepest, darkest secret. Like, there's a method to how we do things right. It's like, let's get comfortable, let's build some rapport, let's get to know each other, and you'd be surprised, like once you kind of let your guard down a little bit, the things that you say. I mean, I've had people say to me like, oh my god, I haven't told anybody this.
I can't believe I'm telling you this. Or you sit down, you're just like, so, what's going on? And it's like tears and you're like, oh, you've been holding that in for a while. So yeah, of course it is about being vulnerable, but it's also for the therapist to kind of guide you and lead you and not start with all right, tell me what what's going on? Well, come on, why did you do that? Was no, Like, let's ease into it, let's get comfortable, let's get to know each other.
Then third session, fourth session, fifth session. Then it's like, all right, now I'm gonna call you out on your stuff.
So interesting.
I'm looking through all the responses that we got and they all are or not all, but a lot of them. It's like the misconception or the things that they worry about is that there's something wrong with you or that you're crazy.
It's so like I was.
Just really looking through these Is there something would you say? What is like the most common reason someone comes to you or seeks a therapist?
Anxiety?
Yeah?
Right, I think everybody has anxiety even before COVID. I don't think we named it as anxiety. I think it was like I get stressed.
Out, so so and explain anxiety anxiety because that comes in different forms.
Very different forms. So is it like worry could be worried a lot. Sure, it could be worry. It could be worry about everything, or it could be worry about just something specific, right, Okay.
It could be you have.
A need to control everything and you're just like, oh, I'm just controlling, or I just like to know the plan, I know what's going on at all times. That could be a little bit of anxiety kind of creeping in, like I need to know what's going on so I can get my mind right and then prepare for it. That's a little bit of anxiety there too, And that's not a bad word. I don't want people to say, oh, I have anxiety, and it's just like now we're labeling you.
You have this diagnosis, something's wrong with you. We're using the word who we're talking about mental health. But if you want to say stressed, if you want to say overwhelmed, fine, you know. I don't want to be like it's a stigma to label, but yeah, it comes in different forms.
Well, I was just asking because people need to be able to say to themselves when they are feeling whatever kind of way they're shoeing, they need to be able to label it for themselves, right, as opposed to just like wallowing in it or not knowing what direction to go to get out of it.
Right.
They need to understand what's going on with themselves, right. That's why I was like, an anxiety is never really explained. Yeah, but you gave a good expansion. Yeah, it's not.
Always like a panic attack. Sometimes it is, right, but it's not always that right. It's like I said, and come out in different ways. It could be like I'm not sleeping, well, I'm having bad dreams. You know, there's a little like feeling in my chest or in my belly, and I'm not really sure where that comes from. Every time I'm about to go to work, I have this
like pitt in my stomach. So I like what you said about just kind of paying attention to that and seeing what that is, naming it and then take it from there.
Yeah. Right.
I almost think.
You guys almost need to come up with an alternate word that's not therapy or mental health, you know what I mean, because like when you hear the word therapy, you think, Okay, there's something wrong with me and I need to be rehabilitated, right, or mental health you know
the whole. I'm crazy, I'm weak. So it's like I wish they're like, what is another word that you all could like start using so that people would know, like you know, it's like almost like you're checking you know, you're I don't.
I guess you start.
Using hearing the accountability accountability partner partner type stuff, but not so much that, but more of like.
A check in cheers. Yeah, Like what can that be? Because I can't.
Exactly, because I think the word itself is what is misleading for people. Sure, you know, sure, I don't know what those words could be because like I think, like I said, just personally, I'm like, I ain't nothing wrong with me, you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, I'm busy and I'm stressed, but isn't wrong with me? You know. So I think it's the actual word therapy that makes it sound like you know, there's something wrong with you versus you know, no, you just have a lot going on.
You need to check in, You need a balance, maybe like.
A balance coach, a balance coach that yes, I want to trademark that you might.
Take that balance coach that.
That's good though, because that's what we do. We try to keep everything in balance for you. Write a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Yeah that's good.
I like that.
Okay, I like that. Break that down.
Yep, you don't don't want to take that?
Yeah, I'll give you credit.
Yes, I'll give you credit for that.
So okay, we have just a couple more, a couple more questions. Let's talk about how social media plays a role in our mental health.
We touched on it and Jaselle kind of was you know.
She has something to say.
We need to take a little bit deeper because I think it, don't you know, Yes, for people like Giselle and I who who are on a public platform, but I know that it affects the everyday person, yes, you know, yes.
Okay, So, like I was saying pros and cons right, benefits of social media community, right, some sort of like online support, okay, motivation, messages, inspiration, things like that. Think about during COVID TikTok was our friend, like during quarantine, like the Internet stays undefeated, right, So like it provided comic relief in such a stressful time. It was nice to just go and see memes and do these TikTok challenges and things like that. Right, So social media can
be our friend. It could be nice, it could be a good thing.
But if my TikTok didn't get as many views as your TikTok, I'm not I took no.
I'm glad you asked, because I was thinking.
And then there's also the issue of you're literally just looking at filtered pictures absolutely, which can mess with your mind. Yes, you know what your body looks like in a real mirror, with no filters, and then you're comparing yourself to these images that you've seen all day that are perfect and that's not reality, right, So like, how mentally are we able to handle that?
Well?
I always say that too, take a break. You don't have to be on social media all day. If you're on it and you're feeling like this is not feeding my soul, this is not making me happy, then take a break, or you know what, start on following certain things. Sometimes you follow pages and you're always cute for that moment, and then you're like, you know what, I don't I
don't want to hear about all this gossip. I don't want to hear about what's going on, or even like when the police brutality stuff was happening, that's it's just too much. Like you're allowed to say this is too much. I can't deal with this right now, and I'm shutting this down right or I also think it's okay to like see things on social media and realize that, you
know what, maybe maybe not today. So let's just say like Mother's Day or Father's Day posts, what if you have a tumultuous relationship with your parents or they're not here right, So it's just like on that Sunday and Mother's Day, don't don't don't do that to yourself, like pay attention to what you actually need. And it's not you being a hater. It's not you like, oh, I don't want to hear about all these No, just like
it's okay. Or if you're like I don't know, if you're trying to conceive and you're having trouble conceiving and all you're seeing is all these baby posts, right, it's like that doesn't happen in that way where it's just like, how come all of a sudden everybody everybody's right COVID babies, right. But it's like it's okay to say, you know what, I'm happy for you and I'm also sad for me. You can have two feelings at the same time.
So is it okay to just like straight up be selfish, yes, and and think about what you need as opposed to what everybody expects of you.
Yes, please be selfish. Selfish is not a bad word. It's not a curse word. It's not a bad word. And even when we're thinking about going to therapy that is one hour usually one hour to yourself right where you don't have to worry about I'm monopolizing this conversation. I didn't ask how she was doing. You know, I talk to my friends all the time, and it could be like a two hour conversation because the first hour is catch me up on your stuff. Okay, is it
my turn? Okay, now let's go. It's just like sometimes you just want to be like, girl, right, let me tell you what happened. But your therapist is there to be like it's all about you, Yes, all about you.
That's true.
That's a great point because there I feel like, you know, when you are like sometimes with a group of friends, you know, it's like, okay, I'm gonna listen.
I don't want it.
To be about me, right, and then everyone else is talking, and then and then it turns into like, well, you don't share nothing.
You know what I'm saying.
It's just like but but I'm like, but I'm listening. I'm like, you know, you when we listen when we talk. And then so I I always feel like I'm a listener, Like I don't really not that I don't share, but I recognize that other people maybe have the need to get something off of their chest more than I do. Sure, you know, but but then but then there are times when it's like, well, damn, I didn't share anything.
So right, Yeah, so so that is true.
It's like, you know, even if you have a great group of friends or support systems, sometimes you can't get it all out to them because it's not enough time or because you know, people cut you off or whatever. Yeah, and then social media, like what about the people who will like post a picture using like a fake background, like they'll like pretend like they're like traveling all the jack Yes, like how do we get them to stop you in their life?
That is a little bit beyond what I do for my work. But but just acknowledging that too, right, acknowledging that this you know, what social media is like, Yeah, come into it knowing this is entertainment. This is what it's for. And yes, the constantly comparing yourself and all that stuff, just be mindful of like, like you said, it's filtered. People are only showing their best life, right, They're living their best life on social media, yes, and just kind of keep that in mind that no one's
going to share. Well, some people are, but most people don't share I'm downtrodden and I'm going through. No, they're gonna share the smiley face. They're gonna share. You know, I'm here, I'm there, I'm jet setting knowing. Damn well, maybe like their credit cards back stout because they can do this, right, We don't know, We don't know that, We don't know what's behind the scenes.
Right, speaking of broke broke, your therapists, we have, we have heard and we have found that are very expensive out here in these streets.
Glad you brought that up.
And you know, earlier in this conversation you said that you're gonna get to know the people that you are counseling. So you're not gonna get into that business until like, I don't know session four, and I didn't paid you for session one, two and three. So how you know for your everyday person that you know might not be able to afford you? Guys, you know what do you say to that?
So people sometimes don't realize that you're insurance most of your insurance companies pay for therapy. Oh really, yeah, I don't That is I'm so glad you brought this up because this is really a misconception. People are just like so how does this work?
But give us a range of like an hour session?
All right? Now, everybody's different, right, and somebody who's you know, counseling a real house wife might charge something you know high, just kidding, just getting price Goalgee, people are different, right, depends on your level of credentials. It depends on where your market is. New York probably charges more than Alabama.
Right to it, get it, Give us the range. Get to it.
The range is I would say a hundred to up to one hundred to two hundred. It could be the range.
Per session person, which is like an hour.
Which is like an hour. Now, think about when you use health insurance, whatever plan you have, it's a cope. Anytime you see a specialist, your insurance company pays, I don't know, eighty percent, you pay, twenty percent, you come in, you pay your ten dollars copay. You don't know where the rest of it goes. Somebody's paying these people.
So are all of you all taking insurance?
Not all of us? So if you are, you know, feeling like oh this is steep, go through your insurance. Find somebody who accepts your insurance.
I didn't I know that, right, I think it was out of pocket.
You know, I can be doesn't have to be right, right, And I would see that, you know, when I hit jobs and they would send, you know, the packet of the health insurance stuff, and I would see that in there. But I just always felt like, I don't need that,
you know what I mean? Yeah, but I think, honestly, if it's there and it's provided to you, and if you're someone like me who thinks you don't need therapy because you're fine, like still take advantage of it, but you should normally be in your regular right just like just you go to dermatologists, you go to the chiropractor or whatever it is, like you just you use your health insurance.
It's the same thing.
So how often, I mean, I guess it really varies based on what's going on. And but like how frequently should people just say, for someone like, you know, like just people feeling anxiety, they're stressed, you know, how often do you.
Think they should come to them mostole.
Balance their balance their balance coach? Most people start once a week. Okay, that's kind of your typical forty five to sixty minutes once a week. That's kind of tip for most people. Sometimes though, it's like, like you said, it's just kind of like I need to check in. I just need to just you know, make sure that I'm on the right path, that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. You know, every two weeks. I have clients now that are like on maintenance, so to speak.
And they started seeing me once a week and then it was like, okay, every other and it's like, you're doing pretty good, but you still kind of want me around just in case. Once a month, I had somebody call the other days and be like, hey, I haven't seen you in a while. I'm like, are you doing okay? Everything's fine? Okay, O good? Sure, come on in you want to chat.
Sure, that's what I'm gonna start doing what I'm going once a month. Oh really, I find somebody. Yeah, I mean I feel like we just gonna talk.
You might as well, you might learn something about yourself.
I have insurance, right is great?
Now, what about like couples?
I'm so GLADKA before you answer that question, let me just say this. Yes, I've been in some major couples therapy, y'all. I'm just saying to years and years of couple's therapy me and that Jamal Bryant now listen. It always helped us really, Yes, you know, he is a is a I think he's trained per his profession to counsel, right. So I always felt like we can't just have a regular conversation if we haven't a problem, because you know all the tricks, so we need to go to somebody else.
And I was always just very happy because you know, he's a black man and he was open to it. But it always did push us to like another level. So I'm an advocate of couple's therapy. I just want to say that, and.
I'll just share my experience. While Wann and I were married, or even before we got married, he was like, I don't need anyone to tell me how to feel or what to think or what to do. So I think you know a lot of times in couples therapy, it's there's a resistance from one partner that just thinks like this cannot help this. They're like, I don't, like, what can they tell me that I don't already know.
I'm glad you said the because no one's telling you how to feel feel how you feel, I'm not telling you how to feel. I might be exploring with you, what's behind that feeling? Where did that come from? Even just basic communication, right, you think you're speaking the same language, and it's just like, that's not what she said. Did you hear what she said? Oh, that's not what he said. So couple's therapy. It's just like, can you guys please start coming before you're about to divorce? Okay?
So I just no, I totally agree with that. And I feel like, if you're gonna get married, you should go before you get married. Absolutely, because the whole time y'all been dating, y'all haven't been talking the same language. Y'all don't know what y'all talking about. Y'all. It's always good to get like a third party or like a bird's eye view on the relationship. I agree, And I feel like if you don't do that work in the beginning, you damn sure you're gonna have to do it in
the end. Yeah, or it's just gonna be over.
I think you're forced to talk about certain topics. Right. You could be dating someone for four years. I know him, I know him, I met his mama, we went on vacation together, I know how he travels. We talk about everything and it's just like, but there's that one thing that you not really comfortable saying because it might rock the boat or whatever the case may be. You come to therapy and it's kind of like the therapist might just bring it up and you're like, oh, I guess
we got to talk about it, right. So I'm definitely an advocate for premarital yes, but yeah, I feel like same thing when we're talking about you know, when should people go to therapy, it's like, please don't come when you're at your wits end and your bag is packed and you have one foot out the door. You're like, you know what the last before I can just check off this box to say I tried everything. Fine, let's go to the therapist. So when they go, yeah, so
when do they go, you should go again. You should go before you get married. Because I am a therapist. I'm like, just go, just go when you don't even have a problem, just go to check in and we good, We're still good, everything good, You still like me, I still like you great? And then you move on right, not saying it has to be weekly, but if you're feeling like, you know, when you can tell something's off right, you're not connecting as much. Maybe the intimacy has been affected.
You know, there's a lot of change that has happened. Like you know, when you feel a little bit off right, same thing like with your health, you're like, you know what, something just not right. So that's when you I'm gonna call my doctor and see, like what's going on. Like I feel like, for example, I just want to nutrition this. I'm like, something's not right. My blood shir goes up and goes down. I have a headache. I don't like feeling like this anymore. I don't like having a headache
every day. I don't know what it is, but maybe you can tell me what's going on. I'm not gonna wait till I'm like I can't get out the bed. I'm crawling to the car to be like I gotta take myself to the doctor. It's like no, Like you start feeling like something not right, we need a little
check in. We make sure well this is still good so it can keep going and things don't just fester right, Like how many couples do you know where it's it's like, yeah, I've been dealing with this for years and I just didn't know how to say it or I've said it and this person's not listening to me. It's just like, Wow, I wonder if we have sat down and talked about this five years ago, could all of this been of right?
Right? And clearly, I'm sure the main issue that you see is like the root cause of problems between couples is communication, absolutely, and so the therapist or the balance coach helps facilitate that communication absolutely.
Yeah. Yeah, So that's that's good. You know, I'll keep that in mind.
We're gonna recap a little bit. This is what I've learned today. One, you can go through your insurance to get this thing paid. So if you can go through your insurance, why wouldn't you do it right? You know what I'm saying. Like, and as you said, it is kind of a noe brainer. If you had a sore throat, your nose is running, you go into the doctor. So if you feel like you're waking up every morning and you're like in a funk, don't nobody at work want to deal with your funk, So get it together.
And your friends don't want to either. We love our friends, but you don't want to be a burden to your friends.
Either, because your friends are busy, you know, so have their own stuff, right, And a lot of people hesitate to even talk to their friends or their loved ones because they know, oh, she's busy. I don't want to bother her. So now, but okay, so let's talk about then the process of finding a therapist. And then I just want to Okay, yes, we it's covered by insurance,
but what about people who don't have insurance too? Are there, like, you know, maybe some sort of community resources that they can find.
Absolutely, there's always some sort of program in the community for people who don't have insurance, or some sort of sliding scale fee. You know, there are resources out there, right. So psychology today, for example, has a directory of providers where you can filter by what your insurance is, or filter by if you don't have insurance, or gender, or you know, it's okay to have certain preferences. Therapy for black girls, I think, is a good one if you're
looking specifically for a therapist of color. What is that They have an IG page, They have a website. It's basically a provider directory. Okay, so you can go on there to say if you if you are a black girl, or if you want to talk to a black girl, you can go on there and locate someone. Okay, there are a lots of resources. Again, you would do to insurance. For example, your insurance company will give you a list of providers that's say cover.
Yeah.
So I have come across betterhelp dot Com, which I think is awesome because it's because it's like a virtual balance coaching, right, virtual therapy. You can do it, you know, I think by the telephone or by zoom or whatever your method of you know, preferred communication is. And I think that's kind of good for people, you know, kind of.
Like me, who I don't like to leave the house.
Sure, so for me, if if it's like, oh, okay, I'm gonna go to therapy, I'm like, oh my gosh, I gotta leave the house and go.
Sit in the room.
Blah blah blah blah. So I also think that's cool to find, you know, if that's what works for you, look up online therapy.
Absolutely, because of COVID, a lot of us are doing telehealth, a lot of us are doing virtual therapy. And I'm so glad this kind of came out because obviously pandemic was not a good thing. But I think It also taught us we can do things in a different way. Right, How many of us are now working remotely because it's like, oh, y'all can't work remote Well, actually we can, right, because we had to so we kind of figured that out. But that's what we found when I started the company.
We got so many referrals because it was just like, you know, especially living in this area, by the time you get off the metro and get in your car and all this stuff, it's just like.
You're stressed out.
You're stressed out right, But now it's like, Okay, I work, got anxibe, you got the anxiety, you know, I work nine to five. At five point fifteen, I can log onto my virtual therapist right in the comfort of my home.
So are you doing telehealth?
I am doing telehealth? So we're doing both.
Okay, So I.
Think you should You should tell people where they if they say I want to talk to me or Japaul because I heard her unreasonably shady and she sounds so balancing.
So balancing. Well, I will say this because I am now a CEO and a clinical director and all that good stuff.
Thank you.
I actually I don't I don't want any more clients. However, the what's she saying?
She's busy? I'm a little busy.
Now I'm a little I'm a little busy. However, I have an awesome team of therapists who work at my practice.
So how do they find your team?
So we have an i G page at SOL Counseling, So OL Counseling. We have a website and we can give you all the information www dot s O L Counseling and Consulting dot com. Which my sister the d O O a k A Carly, a k A. Robin's friend, a k A whatever she is that you know, particular days she built my website, So go on.
To so she didn't build a reasonably shaped website.
Well, geez, what.
Is going on here?
Get yourself a sister.
Like, ma, I do I do want to talk about? Because you know, this kind of blew me. I had a conversation with my kids, and my kids are you know, high schoolers, they're in between that fourteen to seventeen age range, and they're like, yeah, my everybody in schools and therapy like, what are you talking about?
It's a thing.
So apparently COVID pandemic being at home going to school hit them all very very hard. Are you seeing that with these kids? And are they getting better now that they're back in school, are they feeling are they still feeling overwhelmed? And I felt like they were feeling isolated, you know, because they didn't have you know, we found clearly that they need social outlet every day. So what's going on with our teens?
I think it's like everyone, right, So you dealt with COVID to adjust to that. Life is a constant adjustment, constant transition, which is also shameless plug why it's okay to go to therapy because maybe you were okay six months ago and then something shifted and now it's like I don't know how to deal with that. So I'm glad the teens are going I'm glad they're opening up.
I'm glad that you know, it's trending now. I'm glad with like athletes like some Own Biles and Naomi o Socca are talking about it because they're young, and so it's just like, okay, if they're talking about it and they can do it, this is okay and it doesn't have to be shameful, right.
And I do want to say that you know, I when listening to my kids talk about, you know, their friends or whatever, I remember being that age and feeling occasionally like off or depressed or anxious, overwhelmed. Oh my god, I fail my test. You know, all kinds of things that teens go through, hormones, all of that and not. And I dare not share that with my parents right right, Like if I even thought to share that, they would either tell me to kick rocks, get over it, go
to your home, you know what I mean? Like, there was no way that I would feel comfortable sharing it with anybody. So to know that at least these kids feel comfortable talking about it, They have each other, They are all in it together, so to speak, is a great thing. And I think that we all have to be mindful that our brain, our mental stability, what we think, how we feel is not taboo. It's not for you to keep to yourself, like, we're all in this thing called life together.
Yeah. Yeah, and find a therapist that works for you, right, We're all not these stuffy people that are going to, you know, shake our finger at you.
Like.
There are a lot of really cool, down to earth, relatable therapists. So it's nice that the kids have someone to go to that might be, you know, a cool, down to earth person. It's not always going to be some old old white men, right, old white men or worth therapist that's what you see on TV for example,
you know. So it's just like, no, there are some just really relatable, cool people that also have their stuff going on to that can relate to you, but also have the training to deal with whatever you're coming in with.
I definitely relate to you, Jaselle. Just I remember being a teenager and just being like mad for no reason, Like just then I'll be like why am I mad? Like why am I feeling like this? And there's like no, like, it's just it's it's hormones. Really, it's hormones. It's changing in your your body and your mind and just so
much going on. And so I think it is so important for parents to be in tune to that with their kids and not get so like, you know, thinking that there's something wrong with them, but realize like they're going through big changes.
In their life.
For them, it's a big change. Yeah, right, don't get defended. What's wrong with you? Right? We have everything you need. You have this house, you know, you gool what else, what else you need? It's like there are other things going on, yeah, yesterday exactly exactly. Yeah, so that's important.
We could talk about this, I think, for you know, a whole another forty five minutes or so. But this has been a great conversation. Do you have anything else you want to close with or add or.
Just kind of going back to the misconceptions. I just also want to put out there that you know, going to therapy is not advice giving. It's not like you come to me and then I say, Gazelle, this is what you should do. Now go ahead and do it. That's not really what it's about. It's about exploring what's going on, you know, helping you figure out what is going to be the best choice for you. And if you decide to do something that I don't necessarily agree with,
that's okay. We're going to walk you through it and I'm not going to judge you for it, and I'll be here tomorrow when you cry to say that, oh my gosh, shouldn't have done that? Right, That's what we're here for.
Are you? Can you prescribe medication?
So I'm glad you asked that. Everybody a different like what do you you know? So a psychiatrists differences. A psychiatrist prescribes medication. They are actual medical doctors. Okay, therapists do not prescribe medication. We do talk therapy. God, most psychiatrists don't do therapy. You come in, you have a check in. How the med's working for you? You good, any side effects? Good to see you. I'll see you in a month.
Got it? And I think, and you know, I think that's so important for people to know the difference that because I think when they think therapy mental health, they're thinking medication.
Right, and it's all when the same. We're two different people.
Okay, that's important.
Great, And this is my last little bone to pick with our people. Okay, black people. We know we love our people. Okay, seriously, guys, like we think that therapy is for not for us. You know, we we're taught and we're built to be so strong to get over it, to keep it moving, to not even deal with the day. You got to look for tomorrow. So like, no, we got to stop doing that. We gotta stop doing that to ourselves. We gotta stop doing that to our children. It is okay to take a time out and make
sure that you get your mind right. Grandma said get your mind right, and she really meant it. It's called therapy.
That behavior is self sabotaging.
Yes, it really is, to like think like I'm tough, I got this, I don't need, you know, to talk to anyone, and I'm gonna keep it moving. And then you're just bottling up all of the emotions and the anxiety.
Right, the stress, and not learning any tools of how to deal with it. It's okay that you have these feelings, you are valid in that, but tell me how to deal with this, right, all right?
Well, I hope somebody listening, more than one person has learned something and it's motivated and you know, encouraged to go to therapy, seek out a therapist, a balance coach, and you know, and.
Hopefully just just you know.
I don't I don't know.
Is it like getting clarity or it is.
Sometimes getting clarity. It is sometimes getting clarity. I'm so glad that you mentioned black people, because you know, that really is like what I said in my bio, right, it's about reducing that stigma and making it comfortable. And that's why I mentioned therapy for black girls for example,
or you know my you know my team. We're all of color, right, So it's like, if you want someone that looks like you, if you want someone that maybe has a little bit of understanding about your background, you can do that. If that's not for you, that's okay too. But let's have more of more therapists that look like us, and that way it makes it a little bit more comfortable,
and that it's okay. You don't have to keep everything inside or everything in your house or just feel you can only talk about it with you know, your pastor you know, shout out to the church. But there are other resources out there besides that.
Right, well, we love you, and we thank you so much for stopping. Bobby learned so much about not only about therapy and you, but about ourdo over there, our director of operations, because she has not done anything for us that she has done for you. But anyway, that's for a whole another episode. This is our Reasonably Shady episode, and throughout the course of your week, just find a little reasonable and find a little shady. We love y'all so much.
Just love y'all next week.
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