| Ep 52 | That’s What Friends Are For!

each other's. Yeah, that is true. That's true. Okay, true to form. It's time for a reasonably shady moment. Of course, m M. My reasonably shady moment kind of taps into what we talked about a couple of weeks ago, a group text messages, because this just happened to me yesterday. Okay, And I think I didn't say this when I talked about how I hate Group Texas. This is why I hate them. And this continues to happen to me to the point where I'm just I just want to throw

my phone in the toilet. Okay. So there's a there's a small group text. It's just like me and three other ladies, and I don't like when people ask me direct questions on the group text like Giselle blah blah blah, Like, no direct questions are individual text messages because the answer to the question that you've asked me, I don't that ain't nothing their business. Yeah, the other girl on it, it ain't her business. Actually I don't like that, hope.

So I'm just saying, this is why I hate group Texas, because you're you're calling me out and I'm not gonna answer you in the group right. Yeah, that's that is kind of weird when it is a topic that only relates to you tube like why text in the group text exactly? So, and she doesn't know how I really don't like one of the other girls. So maybe it's my fault because I haven't shared that because I've just

been keeping that to myself. So I need to say I need to go on an individual text and say I'm not fooling with that whole So I'm gonna answer this individually. Yeah, definitely answer it directly to that person. But do you also so there's four total? Yeah, so then do you just create another group chat with just the three y'all? I I hate groom tact, so I just I just want to get off of it. Just talk to me individually. Okay, yeah, I feel you. Yeah, you know what this reminds me. Um, I'm about to

go off on a tangent. But you remember the issue that we have with the Instagram posts, which one how like we keep seeing like random people's posts. So someone replied to um on the reason with shady page. They told us like, so when you press the little x, it actually there's a option where it says snooze all suggested post for thirty days that Okay, I'm gonna do that. You're gonna do that, And it feels so stupid because

it's been there the whole time. I was always just like like, don't you know clicking the one where it's like, don't suggest post from this person, not doing the other part. Shout out to that person, shout out to that. But I have a confession to make. So because I haven't clicked it, I've been getting because I don't follow Maverick City. Maverick City is like I think a gospel group whatever

it's Kirk Franklin has something to do with it. Anyway, every now and again, Maverick City will pop up and they'd be like a gospel song and it's just when I need some Jesus. So I'm excited about it, right, Yes, I need some Jesus. That doesn't scare you, Like, wait a minute, how did you know I needed Jesus right this moment? Well, normally I need Jesus on a regulars. All right, what's the shady moment? So my shady moment is happening live in real time, y'all. My internet is

not working in my house. Yes, it's a struggle bus. And it's not an issue of turn your router off and turn it back on. Like we've literally done that like fifteen times, and like last night, so summertime, like my kids stay up all night. They're waking me up at one in the morning. Mom, the internet doesn't work because they're playing the video game. They got kicked off the video game and just randomly the internet stopped working at one in the morning. So it's like I can't

even tell you why that would have happened. It's a mystery. So now to the point where like it's like, you know, we've been at Walmas on the phone with like technical support. They couldn't solve it. From the phone. Someone has to come out like who has time? Who? Wh and can you like when my kids think? I don't y'all, it's twelve three and my kids still sleep when they wake up and they see that they don't have internet. Okay, we'n pause. It's twelve thirty in the afternoon. Guys, why

your kids still sleep? Because they're growing. Boys, they're growing growing your sleep. Okay, so we forget breakfast. We we damn never forget lunch. We passed lunch time. But you grow in your sleep, right Listen, I'm telling you these teenage boys, they can sleep. Corey literally I think one time slept like sixteen hours straight at I make no damn sense because my girls be up now. I kind of wake him up, like like, Hi, play with me, remember me, I'm here, it's me, Termine. What are you

doing today? Stop had stop hating because you have boys? Okay, stop Haydan All right now listen, I do want to I do want to um because by the time this airs, Black Effect is having a podcast festival and you need and you know, reasonably shady of course we'll be showing up and showing out, but you need to get your ticket. Yes, get your ticks, So definitely either go to the Black Effect page on Instagram or go to reason Shady page. Go somewhere and get your tickets so you can be

there with us. It's I believe August is in Brooklyn and New York and Reasonably Shady will be all over it and we will be in the building with other Black Effects. Yes, podcasts amazing ones, horrible, decisions are decisions are girls. They'll be there. We'll be there. So it's gonna be a good time, y'all. So definitely you want to check that out. But you know, today's podcast is all about friendship. We love this topic. This is like a topic that you can just talk about forever and

ever and ever you can you can't. But before we get into it, I do want to say a couple of things that have been happening in the world that we didn't talk about the last time, because you know, last time it was the fourth of July. So I do want to give a little shout out to the b ET Awards. Happened okay a little while ago, and Robin missed the whole damn thing. I am, I am, I have officially aged out of the I know, but you know I did too. However, my little sister, her

name is Latto. Everybody says she, you know, we look alike. She won. She's like the new artist of the year. Okay. So she gave a little speech, and her speech she was crying and she was like, you know, y'all didn't think I could do this, but I could do this, and I got this the first award I've ever gotten from my people, and I'm so excited and thank you, Giselle, and blah blah. Okay, fine, she didn't think but she is like a little cute pot and I just want

to congratulate her publicly. Oh that's sweet, yes, very sweet. Yeah, we're not related to y'all, but she, you know, everybody says she looked like my little SIPs. Very cute. It's giving about fit. Thank you guys, thank you Mom. I know you're watching. Oh, thank you to my tea. I'm like and and um, before we moved further because this this interested me. Okay, So we also want to talk about the fact that R. Kelly. You got thirty years, sir,

and I'm so happy about it. So if you got thirty years in your how old is R Kelly probably good. So that brings you to what two about eight, Yeah, that's where you need to be for the rest of your life. And you have charges pending in other cities, so I hope they get you on that too. They just added on okay, because we don't never need to see you out, I know. And you know, it's a

damn shame it took this long. It's actually a damn shame that it took a documentary to make this happen, like a picture this If that documentary did not air, it was not made, he would still be doing this ship he should be doing it for a very long time. And I like, I just feel so bad for the young ladies who have to deal with the you know, the memories and the are he ruined families? He ruining hundreds of families lives like they have to deal with that for the rest of their life. So I almost

think thirties not enough. It's not And and let's keep in mind that this went on so long because these were black girls and don't nobody care about us. But finally, you know, due to the documentary, this man is getting thirty years today. Hopefully they'll add more years to him. Sir okay, but I want to I want to first talk about We're gonna we're going to get into talking about friendships by first talking about Drake, okay, because I have decided Drake don't have no friends. Okay, he he

has no friends tat all, no friends. No. So I was on the Instagram and when I was there, I saw a little video of Drake in the club dancing, okay, and it was the Goofy is non dance I've ever seen. It was like a two step of four step, a six step goofy dance. Yeah, but see I am goofy okay, and maybe he is. No, he's Mr Swamp to see this video. The video was terrible, okay, but all his friends around him were like tapping him up, like yeah, Drake, do it, Drake, Drake, Drake Drake. And I was like,

you look goofy, You look goofy. You don't have no friends. I am convinced you're just a Drake hater. I am, Yeah, I know, question about it. I think his fans know he can't dance, they know he's goofy, they know he's like, you know, a little goofy boy from Toronto, and none of them care because he's uber duber Rich Megan music making all this little dance music that people are gonna play at the pool of Miami, and he's because they're

gonna plays his new stuff. They're gonna play that nowhere else. Yeah, they're playing the pool with them in Miami or like somewhearing the Beza or something. But he was smart actually making that that album because dance music. Yes, it's huge. It's really big, especially in Europe. So so although like you know, our people not feeling it. Oh, the people overseas, they're gonna listen to it. They're gonna play the album on repeats, yes, all up and through because it's all

one song exactly. Yeah, it is all one song. It literally is like I mean, it all sounds the same. But he was smart with it. He really was. Even though people don't like it, he was smart we think Do we think he was smart? Yes? You know how much money don't eat m and dance dance music DJs make. He's going to make a lot of money just that. I just want to everybody trash. I just wanted Drake to go away, but he since he ain't going away.

Drake is is borderline for me almost to the Kanye mode, meaning this is the last time we're talking about Drake, because you know, we don't talk about Kanye anymore, friendship might break up. I'm just letting you know that right now. Okay, okay, fine, we're talking about I mean, we're gonna talk about him three more times and we're done. I'm gonna put him in the Kanye buckets. Speaking of friendship, okay. So, and

we kind of touched on it a little bit. So if if you're with a group of girlfriends and let's say Robin you're not there and all of the group is trashing Robin Dixon, Oh my gosh. First of all, I'm not gonna allow that to happen, right Oh yeah, you know, definitely not. I'm shutting it all my down. But if they did get some snippets out, some hate duration out before I was able to shut it down,

do I immediately tell you you better? Okay, So you immediately tell the person, yeah, because like I'm thinking about it, like it's kind of okay, it's gosh, it's like you you almost have to wonder, like, okay, the dynamics of the friendship, like who's closer with who, and who's saying what?

But you know, when you put it on a level like, Okay, if it was a group of friends and it was you and I and somebody was trashing you, then yeah, I'm like, we're gonna talk and you're gonna be like, hey, girl, how is the party? I'm like, girl, the party is all right. But let me tell you immediately what mary Sue said about you. Okay, but let's say it's one of the girlfriends that's not necessarily as close to you

and they were they were trashing this particular girlfriend. Do you then call her on the phone and say, hey girl, let me tell you what went down last night? Or do you just like let it ride? So if I'm not that close with them, yeah, yeah, I'm probably staying out of it. You're staying out, You're just gonna let it RIDEE. Does that make you less of a friend? Um? I don't think so, because I think it's WoT. I feel like, no, it doesn't make you less of a friend.

But I feel like if you were to tell that friend, then maybe makes you more of a friend. Do you know what I'm saying? So if you say nothing, you just you just level out exactly exactly, but I would expect you know, on the on first of all, yes, if some if we're if we're if I'm not there and someone's talking about me, like, oh, I'm pretty sure you're gonna shut it down there immediately, like you're gonna speak up, You're gonna be like, we ain't doing this,

that's not what we're doing, right exactly. Yeah, Okay, Now this is another question. So if if we're talking about if there's a group of girls that says five of us and we're and one person starts talking about a woman a lady that's not there, and then three of us chime in to co sign the drag nation of it all like let's let's let's say we co sign and what is being said? Are we wrong for co sign? And what is being said because we didn't bring it up, We just co signed it as it was coming out

somebody else's mouth. A very good question, you know what I'm saying, Like, it's this really gossip. It's hard because it's like if it's if it's like true, or if people can co sign it and you're like really friends, then this is it's it is really hard, um because this because I feel like this should be entitled what the F Not to do? If you are in a

friendship with a group of girls. Okay, so if one if if there's a girlfriend that's not there and somebody else who's who's at the table is spilling her beans and telling all her business and everybody else at the table agrees. Is everybody else at the table wrong? Oh god, it's so hard I kind of say no. Yeah, I say no as well, because she just depends, all right.

So so clearly the person that's like spilling the beans has you know, has it out for that person, right, And but if that, but if they are saying something that's true, the other people sitting there, like I can't sit there, shouldn't sit there and be like I don't know what you're talking about? Right, right, you know what I mean? But it's like that one person opened the can of worms. This this is true. Um, it's just but maybe she's just maybe as a friend, you should

just kind of like stay out of it. Yeah, I mean, it's just hard because like when you have a group of friends, not everyone has the same level of friendship with each other. So so yeah, it's like it's hard to stay out of it, and I'm so shady. I want to be in it exactly, and you want to know like what's being said, So yes, tell me more and then give me the facts. Run it down, right, So it's better just to be like, tell me more, but not to like say anything in reply. Yeah, okay, okay, Okay.

So that's what she should do. You should not necessarily you should get all the information, but don't chime in exactly. That is what you should give me the t Yeah, but I got nothing to say in response. I got nothing to say in response. Okay. So let's say you had a girlfriend and she's going through a divorce, right, and the divorce isn't final, they're just going through the divorce. And the guy she's divorcing is around town on dates and we see that happening. Do we tell our girlfriend

that he's going that he's around town on dates? Do we stay out of it? Do we add field to the fire and let her know? What? Do we do? Yes, we definitely tell her. Why do we tell her? Does she care that going through a divorce? I mean, why wouldn't you tell her? I feel like, and so it's hard. I feel like My question is when people are going through a divorce as their friend. Is it better to say, all right, girl, we well, we're gonna get you out in the streets, We're gonna find you somebody to date.

Or is it like you know what like for me, Like, okay, I believe in um, you know, trying to keep marriages together, trying to keep families together. Like, so I'm not gonna be like so quick to be like our girl, let's get you out. So it's like, when do you bring you When do you kind of encourage your separated friend who's going through divorce not yet divorce, to actually like go out. Okay, So this is what I would do. I don't I don't know the answer to that question.

Oh wait, man, as soon she tells me she's getting a divorce, it's on it popping. I'm immediately trying to set you up with other people, no question, not saying I just feel like I would wait until the divorce's final. Nah nah, because you're like done. If you're getting a divorce, and if you have it in your in your spirit and you didn't call it an attorney, then you want to be out. But there's always a chance of reconciliation. So reconcile after you didn't sat on a couple of penuts.

That's that's when you reconcile. You got in. I guess it depends, Like I guess, I feel like if I think you know it's worth saving this marriage, Like if I'm like, okay, y'all divorcing for like silly reasons you got kids or whatever, Like I'm not ready to throw you into the streets. Okay, I'm ready to throw you into the streets now because you want them to join you. I mean, yes, I want company in the streets. Okay, there's nothing wrong with that. Okay, I'm gonna trying to

keep your marriage. I'm trying to save it. Okay. So basically, Robin is saying what you're not supposed to effing do is what I just said. However, um let's let's say that, uh, you you're you're going through your divorce or whatever. Your

husband's out here in these streets, he's on dates. I want you to know, I'm the girl that's gonna take two pictures and the videos and I'm going to send them to you, right Okay, it's as you might need them in your in your like divorce settlement okay, okay, okay, I thought you're gonna tell me no I should I should stay out of it. No, no, no, yeah, take

two pictures tell me whatever. You know what I'm saying, like if if I don't, I feel like because you just never know when people agree to divorce, you never know if they actually going to go through with it or or you know, if it turns contentious or whatever, if it's a bunc he says, she say all that type of stuff, like, yeah, let's tell them, tell your friends, Oh I saw your man whatever, your ex husband. Okay, I believe in in in the cheating situations, unless you

have receipts, they didn't cheat. I could because this is this is how I feel because like if you say, oh, just that I saw your dude walking down the street holding hands with somebody, unless you gotta picture that it didn't happen or the street or that's what they say. They said, they said they saw you walking down the street. That's what. Who the hell is they? Right? So unless you can tell me who they is, unless they have some sort of video footage, then don't come to me

with this because you don't have no receipts. So you're making a sen and then only have to be like she lying, that wasn't me right in the story. Right, Because if you go to your dude and you're like, did you were you walking there the street told her hands with somebody, He's gonna be like, we're no res. Yeah, he's gonna be like, no, that won't me. That was another black man that looked like me. Next, and then and then you have nothing to back that up, and

then you look stupid. Right, Yeah, So unless you have receipts, ladies, then keep it to yourself. I agree. Let's let's talk about sensitive issues, sensitive topics. Because you know, we're women. We have like scares, health scares, We've got, um, you know, our hair has fallen out, we have ingrown tone nails. I don't know. We have stuff that happens and to us that's sensitive to us. Um are we sharing that with our girlfriends? Do we share that information? Do we

keep that to ourselves? I mean, it depends on what it is. I think, Gosh, I think there's like a time and a place for which you share. And you know, well, first of all, I'm sure people you share stuff with your like closest girlfriend the way you talked to all the time, right, but like do you share it with the group all at once? And like what is it? So what are we talking about? Like, okay, because you have differently Okay, I'm pregnant. No, no, let's let's say

you have a tumor. Okay, under underneath your arm pit? God forbid. I mean, I don't know if that ever happens. But let's but you're not really sure whether or not it's a tumor. You're just going through the process with the doctors. Do you come to a group of girlfriends and then do you share this information? Because if you share this information is really nothing to it, Like, there's nothing really wrong with you. Don't you just look like a person that's like, look at me, look at me.

It's nothing wrong with you if you have a tum no I'm saying. I'm saying if the doctor says, it's just fat, right, the doctor, you thought it was a tumor, it's just fat. Girl. You you ate too much, So you know, you're basically sharing a lot of information with a group of girls that might not care. I mean, okay, I feel like, as women, there's nothing wrong with sharing our ailments in case someone else can say like, oh, you know, so if you're like, oh you know, I

got a little lump under my arm, what might that be? Right? Okay, you're looking for help, yeah, like advice. But if it's like if you're like sounding the alarm, you know what I'm saying. And if you're like, oh my gosh, like if you're like jumping the gun, yes, you're jumping the gun. I think people should wait. I think people should wait. It's just all abounch of delivery, you know what I'm saying. Okay,

I don't know. This is a really hard question because I don't want people to think that they can't share um things with their friends that are maybe scary, frivolous or scary. It could be scary or could be just like ships and giggles. It's really not a thing, and you're trying to make it a thing because you want attention. Could be that, I mean, you could have that, But

how are we supposed to know his friends? So women, so I'm supposed to sit there and sit around and be like, okay, um, I don't believe you're lying, Like no, you don't say that, but you think it. Yeah, so you just keep it to yourself, but as a friend. So okay, so you keep it to yourself that you don't believe them, or you show like empathy and ask more questions. Oh, you're gonna show empathy. We gotta show

we support. But as you drive home after you've had a conversation with the supposition, you're saying to yourself, this bitch lying and who cares? Yes, so we're dealing with a hypochondriacy, just like, Yeah, since a hypochondric or just somebody that just wants attention, what do you do? I think you should be supportive? Yeah, yeah, I think it's hard. But I mean if they do a multiple times, you gotta like call them out on it, you know what

I mean? Yeah, so what's multiple to three? I think it's hard, Like there's levels to this to this question, that there's different degrees of severity and you know how deep is the issue? Okay? All right? I do think like if someone is going through something a health issue, um, but you don't really know what it is, but you want to share it with your friends. I think you pose it as like this is what I'm experiencing. Does anyone have experience in this? Okay? I like that. All right,

this is the last friendship question. So let's say it's a group of girls. Let's say seven girls, random number, random number seven, maybe nine nine girls. Okay, so let's just say there's one you don't give two ships about. Okay, do you even acknowledge your presence or do you just talk to the other eight? Because there's nine, you just talk to the other eight. So I mean, I believe in a in a group that big, you're not going to be friends with everybody. So let's narrow down a seven.

So seven girls, one you just you care nothing for. But you don't even say hello? Do you? I'm asking that's a question. Do you even you? Do you say hello? Say hello? Okay, you say hello? But I don't. I don't really like forced small talk, right, First of all, I hate small talk. Yeah, I'm like, if we're talking, we're talking about something important. Yeah yeah, So if it like starts to feel weird, like I don't, I don't want.

I don't think any friendship should be forced. And I definitely don't think if there's two people that like clearly don't like each other or don't vibe like, there's no point in even trying a small talk at all. So what if the majority of the group doesn't like her, I think she should just go and find another group. Well, how did she get there? Somebody somebody liked girl? Gonna find another group. I don't know she she got in, I get I don't I don't know. Somebody liked her

at some point. Okay, I mean I don't. You know, I've had I have multiple friend circles where like friends come and go, you know, like like literally you start with one circle, you add some people, somebody falls off. In a couple of years, they come back and falls off.

So I just think sometimes you just realize, like you gotta meet people where they are, and you know, just if you're you know, if everyone can come to the table with an open mind and the open heart, you know, there's always opportunity for that person to be back in. I I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I would love for some of our listeners to give us scenarios of their girlfriend's circles, because I'm sure we're not the only

one to have girlfriend's circles that are dysfunctional. And you know, at us, know, if you're feeling like you're the shady one, in the in the circle, if you feel like it's dysfunction in the circle, if you need help navigating the circle, we're robbing her here to help, right, Yes, yes we want to. I mean honestly, like I feel like everybody

can relate to this type of stuff. Like I just think about like in in Okay, So if you have a friend group and there's nothing wrong with two or three people talking amongst themselves about what's going on in the group either, because I do find sometimes like people get mad when they find out, oh songs, so we're talking about me and blah blah blah blah blah. And I'm like, that's just like normal, that's normal. It's normal. It's human nature for people, not in like a mean way,

but like, oh, what is going on with her? Yes, you know, what do we do? Should we talk to her? What's the you know, the course of action we should take? Or is everything okay? Like so that's what I hate about friend circles when people fall out because then because when they find out, like people were talking about you behind your back, and it's not necessarily in like a mean way. It's more like this is what's going on

the way, But if you. If you can't be talked about, you need to get out the group, right, because that's just we're humans. We have nothing else to talk about but each other, right, Yeah, I mean, so that's what we're gonna do. Yeah. If if some people think they're like too perfect to like even have some sort of conflict or whatever or disagreement or not be on the same page, that's a problem. But I think that just

requires open minds and open hearts. Um. Yeah, but I don't really expect a group of friends to all be friends, like the hop of Like, okay, a group of four, yeah, y'all should all be friends, right, but like a group of six, it's a little shanky. Anything over six is a little shaky somebody. And then you women, Right, so we're harmoral, hormonal, hormonal, what's the word horror? Horror? Yeah,

we're her hormonal. I can't say that word. We got issues, right, we got issues, and you know, any given day we might just pop off, right, But but they don't even have to be about popping off. It can just literally be about we don't vibe, do you know what I'm saying? Like I don't find myself communicating with that person or having fun with that person, or laughing with that person,

or wanting to spend one on one time with that person. Yes, you know what I mean, Like that's it's it's not even you don't have to fight and argue with that person. It's okay if y'all just don't vibe whatsoever. Yeah, but if you are in a club and you're dancing and you look goofy, I'm gonna need for your friends to

tell you. That's the bottom line on that, because let your friend have fun, let your friend live their live because you're looking crazy, girl, Rob And this has been many times where you're like, just I'll stop your chicken dance. Your chicken dances out of control, and you keep doing so I'm not going to tell you that anymore. Be like,

sek out, Okay, I do. I do like my chicken my chicken dance, and I do like you know, it's hard to surround yourself with people, and it's hard to meet new people and bring new people into into your space and into your life, but I do. For instance, we do have a girlfriend that was around us a lot a long time ago, and we didn't see her much, and then now she's back into our lives a lot. I can say her name. I think I can say her name. Okay, I can't say her name, Taylor, take

that out. But I'm super happy when people come back into the friends circle that bring value, that bring a sense of um stability and class and style, and are open to share their lives and are open to be

down for whatever. Like I love that. Yeah, But I also think it's great when a friend can kind of like step away from the group, you know, go through whatever friendship you know, life challenges they may have, and then come back when it's time, you know, when they feel settled, and the group can be like, hey girl, yeah, glad you're here. You know what I mean. And and but that's what friendship. Yes, that's what we can. We sing Dion song, that's what keep keep listen, y'all better

keep shying, all right. So definitely Okay, Robin didn't know it was it was over? Yeah? Are you? Are you done? That's that's what friends up. She's done, Okay, so good, and she's to me on your side forever. Keep your day job, Keep your day job. We would love for you all to send us scenarios on what's up at reasonably shady dot com. We love y'all so much. We thank y'all so much for listening to us over and

over again every week. Don't ever forget to live your life, either reasonable or hey do o boat and enjoy your summer and tell people that you love them. Life is short, y'all. Tomorrow is not promise. I don't want to talk about that. Okay, alright bye, you're right by Yeah. Reasonably Shady is a

production of the Black Affect podcast Network. For more podcasts from our heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you can connect with us on social media at Robin Dixon, ten, Giselle Briant, and Reasonably Shady.