Breakup Or Make Up?

get let's get it on. All right, Welcome to Reasonably Shaky. It's your girl, Jazelle Bryant's here. What's up? What's up? And I'm Robin Dixon. Thank you for joining us. Guys, this is our second episode. Thank you so much for coming back because hopefully you listen to the first one and now you are back listening to us again. I just want you to know that we are two girlfriends who love each other, and so this podcast is all

about you hearing what girlfriends talk about. So we're gonna be talking about everything from you know, I don't know, up and down and through. We're gonna talk about everything and We're also going to allow at some point for our listeners to ask us questions. We'll be able to give advice. So today is gonna be a good day because we're talking about relationships. We love talking about relationships,

Yes we do, Yes we do. But we always want to start our reasonably Shady podcast off with a little icebreaker. So it's a reasonably shady moment of the week. Robin. You want to go first, yes, So my reasonably shady moment of the week goes to myself. It's nothing major, Um, but I just I came back from a trip a number of days ago, and um, I still have not unpacked my suitcases suitcases, and so now I'm just pulling stuff out of my suitcases to get dressed. And I

just feel like that. And I'm going to be honest. I had time to unpack my stuff, but I'm I'm making life more difficult for myself right now. So you do realize this podcast is called reasonably shady and not procrastination. I mean, but I look at it like, Okay, I'm reasonable because a lot of people do this. A lot of people go on trips, trip them back and they let their suitcases sit and I'm shady because it's just, yeah, that's not productive. Okay, So I'm I'm going to just

say that you this was a three day trip. I saw your luggage. You had two big old bags a luggage, and so that was actually reasonable because you had to put everything in right, shady because I'm shading you because we were only going for three days. Yes, we're going for three days. So now I have like half of

my wardrobe in my luggage. All right. So I was actually on this trip and my reasonably shady moment of the week is, you know, I have some friends, and I decided to check in on one of my girlfriends because she's, you know, kind of been going through a lot. And I realized that checking in on her and being a good friend to her in a very reasonable way, because guys understand just that is typically not reasonable. She's

typically always shady. So I checked in on her. But she decided that me checking in on her was just shady and it wasn't. Okay, I understand where you're coming from, but I can understand as well, um a person's perspective. When they hear something negative, they just hold onto the negative part and they don't hear anything else that was being said, and so all they heard was negative, negative, negative, not hearing I care about you, I'm checking in on you,

blah blah blah. Right, well, I just want to stay moving forward. In a relationship with girl friends. You should be going to talk about the good, the bad, and z ugly, Okay, And it's not necessarily always be thrown under the caveat of Gills being shady. Okay, I will let you know what I'm being shady. I was not being shady in this particular case. So, Robin, I'm so excited because you know, I love talking about relationships. It's one of my favorite things. And this is called breakup

or makeup? Okay, Yes, I know a little bit about that. You do you do? And can you start first? I can, yes. So, I mean we're definitely going to go down the list of just in general, you know, statistics, talking about what presented to menchi. We're going to get into finances or deal breakers. But I think it's good for us to start with our personal stories experiences. I agree. So, I mean, look, if we were just gonna talk about my relationship, I could be here this this this is like probably two

podcast episodes. You need to talk about my relationship. And I say that because it started so okay, and that one you were and this is two thousand twenty one. I don't can't count, but let's just say that's a long day. Time to two oh six to sixteen years, twenty five years with one dude, one person. Yes, yes, o Saga and a prominent man at that, Yes, yes, yes, So my boyfriend, fiance, husband, ex husband, fiance. You know he's been all those titles. Um, he was an athlete.

We met in high school. He was an athlete. He ended up playing college basketball, so he was a college athlete, and you know, his life it was already you know, soon when when you were an athlete, the lights are bright, who attention is on you, and you have all the attention in the world. And I was there with him because he had big dreams to make it to the NBA. So in high school and in college, I was in the gym with him. You know how they say you weren't there shooting in the gym. Yeah, I was in

there shooting in the gym. Rob And why were you in there? Were you just making sure he was in the gym? No? No, I was helping him. I was rebounding defense. He said, I want to get shots up. I need somebody to rebound. Robert put on her tennis shoes. People, she was in the gym with him. Yes, yes, yes, so so I was in the gym shooting with one while he was trying to achieve his dreams to make

it to the NBA. Okay. So, once he made it to the NBA, here comes the thoughts, Here come the hose, Here comes the strumpets, Here comes this scali wags, Here comes to gold. I'm I'm done, I'm done. I'm finished. Okay, okay. So once he made it to the n B A you know, okay, So that's so. Okay. If if if at any point y'all hear noise, it's my construction. Yes, there's a lot of construction going on at my house. Let's continue one, okay. I mean there's all types of

noises construction in power washing, you know. I mean, it's it's a lot going on to hear. Yes, that's good, it's life. Um okay, So NBA, he made it in the media. We were, like I said, we were together since high school. And I was in the gym shooting with him, and I helped him with his school work, and I helped him, you know, achieve his dreams. And I was there to see him make it to the NBA. And then he got to the n b A and

all hell broke loose, um and dum dum, dumb. Yes, I mean this is like, I mean, don't you know where this story is going? Right? Yes? I think everybody's very clear. Don't we know where the story is going? So, you know, it was it was for me because I was young and I was dumb, and I felt like I had some sort of you know, I helped I was I helped him get to where he was. I almost didn't want to accept any type of you know, cheating, um, suspicions or accusations. And so for me it was like, um,

I'm not walking away from this. In learning, some as Giselle calls them, scally wag, come and take my place? Who didn't put the work in? So you turned a blind eye, I would say, I turned. I would say, I do not seek. I didn't look for like, I didn't look at the signs. You know, I didn't harp on him. I wasn't like, you know, digging for information. I guess let's turn a blind eye. Yeah. I mean, and and that's actually new. I've known you for a

long time. That's like new information that I'm finding out about you. So it's like, so, yes, we got a divorce and it was because of you know, just because of infidelity. But it wasn't like one instance that just like set it off and I was like, oh, I'm I'm I'm leaving because I found out you cheated with Mary. Like, No, it was it was like, okay, just I'm done with this, this is enough. Um. And that happened, and I think, you know, for me, we we started dating when we

were very young. Um, so that that mentality was just I chalked that up to being young and dumb and like I said, attracted to you know, being as an NBA player that I helped in my opinion, in my mind, I was there. I helped him achieve his dreams because no one believed in them. Um. So I have a question, So, did you at that point you got you know, you're an NBA wife, did you fall in love with being

an NBA wife? It became part of I would say, it became a part of my identity because when you are an NBA wife, you don't really have an opportunity to you know, to have your own job because we travel so much, you know, because we moved from city to city. Um, so it would be hard to like have a career or a job. So our lives revolved around being you know, following our husband from city to city. So we would you know, live in a certain city for you know, during the season, and then we moved

back to our hometown and then you're moving again. So our since our lives involved around and you're going to the games and you're watching the games. Since our lives revolve around that, um, it becomes your identity. So would you connect that to self? Your self value and worth at the time was connected to who you were married to, the status that gave you, um, the access that gave you.

Yeah for sure, okay. And not that I needed it because I was always you know, I come from good stock, so I didn't need any you know, an NBA player to make me feel worthy. But it's it's a different life that you live and you kind of enjoy it, you know, like like, you know, I know the life and my friends are living, and I know the life that I was living. Your friends was broken, broken, broke, broke, broke.

But but you know what's interesting is my friends they were spending time grinding, you know, going to school, going to medical school or law school or business school. And now you know, it got to a point where when my marriage ended, or when one's career was over, we're back to square one. We're starting at zero, and my friends are established, you know, they're they're well into their career there, you know, buying their big houses and you know what I mean. So it's like, it's just like

what do you want? Do you want it that instant gratification, which is what you know we had UM and that lifestyle, or do you want to like grind and work for it? So you know, I mean, look, there's there's a whole bunch of topics we can explore here. But my experience is a little different than most people's experience because we

were married. You know, we started dating when we were in high school, we got married, we got divorced, and then um, after the divorce, while I came back home and was and came back home, moved back in we were kind of like at a rock bottom place. UM professionally financially, and we decided to like pull our resources together and just help each other get to a better place for the sake of ourselves and our kids. And

at some point we rekindled our relationships. They rekindled the flame. Yes, yes, but going through that experience and I can't say, like, you know, I had some tough moments where you know, you cry yourself to sleep and you're you know, just just oh my god, what I do next? You know, earlier on the relationship, at some point I said to myself, I am never and I don't you know I say this, I'm never letting a man make me cry again, Robin.

That's not realistic. Why not because you might cry because you look at him and you realize how much you love him. No, no no, no, no, no, I mean cry in a way of like I hurt you exactly. I'm not letting a man make me cry because of a breakup or because of infantel whatever it is. So it's like, if you if you want to break up, if you want you to me, okay, bye, I'm done. I'm done. Okay, alright,

So we're gonna get back to that. We're gona put a pin in that and I so I can give you a little bit of my backstory, um, which if you've ever googled me, you've already read. But in the way, um, you know, I kind of similar. You know. I met them all when when he was starting his career, which was him being a pastor of make a Church, I should say, so I was. I was that girl kind

of like you, Robin. I was there, um making sure or that I was handing out flyers in the streets of Baltimore so that at night at clubs when people were coming out, so that you know, people would know that he was about to launch or not launch a church, but like open a church. Um. You know, I was the girl at the meetings in the beginning. It was like him and like twenty of us. Um, I was the one in the beginning when he didn't have a church and I would go with him to go preach

at another church. I would see that there'd be about thirty people that would follow him around to any church between DC, Maryland and Virginia because they just love to hear him preach. And then when we would go out of town, I would be like, wow, like you really just have a following, And he didn't want to start his own church. He was like I, he was kind of scared of failure. He was kind of feeling like, um, if he does open up a church, are people gonna come?

Are they gonna come consistently? I mean it's really a leap of faith. So you know, I was that girl for day one. He was broke, and I believed in his vision and I believed in his dream. And um, my mother always says because I always say, you know, I believed in Jamal's vision, and she's like, well, you must have had magnifying glasses because um, when I met him, I did not think that that was going to happen. Yes, yes, yes, So long story short. You know, there was clearly infidelity.

We got a divorce. And my feeling about marriage and relationships has always been, um, a relationship does not define me. A relationship is not attached to my self worth, my self value. Um, who and what I am? I am not less than who I am if I'm not in a relationship. And I think that sometimes, especially when you are younger, um girls, teenagers, young ladies, as they're trying to find themselves, they get caught up in um be

having to be attached to a man like right. And and don't get me wrong, I was the first lady of a mega church and that that there comes with a lot of perse that comes with you know, private planes, that comes with shopping sprees, it comes with um. I had a title, you know, I was no longer Giselle. I had a title. I was the first lady. So you know, that was all nice, But that was never anything that I was seeking to get off of a relationship.

And I mean it just it just happened. It happened, yes, and you grew into it and I grew into it. And you know, when we were getting divorced, I'm gonna be honest, just like you, Robin, I thought about, Okay, if I divorce him, all of that other stuff goes away, and I am I okay with it, And yeah, I

was okay with it, of course. But I decided, as far as infidelity is concerned, that if it's a one night thing, meaning you went to Vegas and you lost your mind and you slept slept with Mary, or you went to a bachelor party and all of a sudden strippers came in and you lost your mind, Okay, cool, we can get through that can do through that. But if this is a lifestyle, this is how you want to live your life as a married man, I'm just not signing up for it because I feel like and

you can call it selfish if you want. How I feel about me, my values, what I want from my life is will always be more important than how I feel about a relationship. That makes sense for sure, And a lot of people feel like that selfish. No, now, I think, and I think that comes with age. I think it comes with wisdom. I think it's like you figure out because the man is doing what he wants for himself, Yes, so why not you do what you want for yourself? Right? True? True? So to to be

totally transparent for everybody. We then got back together twelve years after I got are and you know what, we have three kids. He is he's been in my life, um for twenty some years. We're the best of friends. We do love each other obviously, and you know, we got back to other. We we we got back together with the intention of bringing our family back together and making it work because we do love each other. However, he lives in freaking uh Atlanta, y'all, and I live

in Maryland. And a long distance relationship in the pandemic ain't gonna work. And when we couldn't see each other, I gotta be honest, I was kind of happy being free. Yeah, and I was kind of have to like cook toast for people. No, I didn't have to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because that's what he likes. I didn't have to, um talk about what we're gonna watch on TV because I was just gonna watch what I wanted

to watch. Um. And it's kind of like, I have to know who I am, and Gizelle enjoys being just Giselle and being free and being and not answering to anyone. Yes, I do. UM. So one day, you know, we I might be in another relationship, but as for right now, what's working for me is not being in one. Now. Robin and I did look up some statistics as it relates to relationships, because it's very important that people start getting into relationships with their eyes wide open, right, So

we looked up what do we look up? Robin, I'm pulling it on statistics. I do want to say, I think when you are in a relationship and you really want to make it work, and you do come into a situation where there is infidelity. UM. For me, sometimes you do have to break up for things to change, like as an as an eye opener for the partner so that they can't say if you don't break up and they're like, okay, well I got away with it, way with it again. I think the breakup helps to

make sure that that behavior does not happen again. Yes, And you know, in both of our situations, we met these guys when they were young and we were young, right, And and you know, everybody needs everybody's human everybody needs the ability to grow up and to really figure out what's best for them and there what's best for their lives. Right.

So I think that you know, sometimes you have to allow space for a man to get there, right, because I can say want the change that needed to happen, and one did not happen until I divorced him, you know. So if we had remained married, if we had not gotten divorced, um, I'd probably be miserable right now, right. And I do also want to say that women need to understand that UM, a lot of a man's behavior it's based off of how he is, how his profession

is going. Meaning, um, if he's he's he's always going to be striving to get that right, because that's just the nature of a man. Typically they are built to be providers. Um, I can say speak for experience. I know when I was married for Jamal, his main focus, his like nine focus was his job was his church was growing and building it. And you know, to be quite honest, I wasn't a focus. I wasn't what was on the forefront of his mind. Now when we were married,

it was great until it wasn't. But um, just like men are getting their hustle on, women need to get their hustle on too. And I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna bring up candy Burrs because I will never forget this. Um. When I met her, we did some sort of um stop something together for Bravo, and and I was starting every hu and then I started dating Sherman and she was like, Geselle, let me tell you something. It was

kind of like off the cuff. She was like, don't let your relationship ever stop your hustle because a lot of times women get into relationships with men and then all of a sudden they get comfortable and they're like and they you know, they're in that love mode. They want to stay because you're so busy, right, They want to stay in the bed and cuddle. But the man gets up, put his pants on and goes to work. And we still like, oh, but I love you and I want to cuddle. No bitch, no bitch, get your

hustle on. But I digress. Okay, we want to give you all statistics. Okay, So Robin and I looked up how many people are cheating in relationships and what we came up with. And I don't know where the hell these surveys came from. This, okay, So it said that of men of men cheat. Now I did a mental survey in my mind of my girlfriends and that number is okay. I'm just saying. I mean, I don't want to be like, you know, Patty Patty or negative Nancy. But this is not right. I wonder who did they

interview for this. I don't know who they asked, but let me tell you something. They asked the wrong people. Now that's number one. Number two is of these said cheating infidelities start online. So, ladies, if your man is on his phone and he's on the Twitter, and he's on all the social media and if he's online, I don't know. Oh if he's on the Instagram, uh check his d M s because he hitting somebody else. I'm just trying to tell you now, that's that, now, Robin.

This is what struck me, and this is for me and you because us. What I really wanted to know was when men cheat? Do they cheat again? Right? And it said three hundred of men that cheat? What cheat again? Three of men that cheatat again? I don't if I might be making that up, you are, how can of a group of people let me that's like that one per So what they're saying is, okay, maybe it's these people cheat three point five more times. And I'm saying

I didn't get involved in that. But I just started thinking about my life and I said, what goddamn, somebody should tell me that about two years ago, just saying I'm just saying it would have saved you some time and some hard It have saved me some time and energy and money now. But but but that's real, though, and that's real for you as well, right, And I think, I mean, you know, who knows why men eat or what makes them stop cheating or what makes them change

from a cheater to a non cheater. I think a lot of it it's just growth. I think a lot of it is, you know, going through experiences where maybe they they're you know, hindsight, they look back they lost someone because they cheated on them, and they're like, man, I messed that up. That was like my wife, that

was gonna be mine forever and I lost her. So then when they get in their next relationship, they don't want to and they have a good woman that they really love and appreciate, they don't want to lose her. So it's like sometimes, yeah, when you're leaving that man because he cheated, you're actually setting up the next woman for a better man. Okay. So I just want you all to know something because I don't think i've ever

shared this. Every dude that I've ever broken up with and I've broken up with a line, Oh god, did they get married their next girlfriend? They're married. They're very next girlfriend. They married them. Okay, And I kind of at first I was like, well, damn, this is weird. But actually I take that as like, um, a badge of but not like you to get there. Yes, you helped him get to the help point where he's ready to be married. Yes, I whipped that dude into shape

for the next woman. So so ladies, y'all send me some gifts, okay, because I didn't hook a whole lot of y'all up. Okay, Now they don't even know Okay, no, they know. They know that the last girlfriend was. They're clear on that. I get daggers and stairs all over the place when I walked down the streets. Now anyway, listen, I think the statistic is interesting. Um it says thirty six percent of cheaters have affairs with their coworkers. And

I believe that. I believe that. I mean, because you're spending so much time with each other thre you're spending more time at work and more you know, you know, just you're going through work issues and you have a commonality, which is the job. Yes, and and I believe that. So I remember when I used to work, I you know, even though WMA was in the NBA, like, I still would,

you know, try to find jobs when I could or whatever. Um. So I worked an office job and I would go to lunch every day with the same group of guys. Are you hearing this? Oh he knew because he would be like, you a lunch again, like you know who you at? Like he did not like that at all. Right, it would drive him bonkers that I would go to lunch with the same group of guys and I'm like, dude,

chill out. But I get it because I think in his his mind's going crazy, like God, you're at work, you're hanging out, You're you're spending all this quality time with these people. Um. But he used to drive me crazy and I'm like, okay, but wait, did any of the guys try to hit on you? No, but they would, you know, say nice. They was flirty, flirty. Okay. So another statistic is thirty I'm sorry thirteen. So we already established it said that of men cheat. We think that's

a lie. We think it's but percent of women cheat. Now, if of men are cheating, they're cheating with women, right, So there this is I don't understand they statistics, but I get it like women, like I believe the women. It might I feel like it might be a little bit low, but I feel like maybe women No, I think women is forty and I would tell you why whatever the men? Whatever, the statistic is from men. Women is double. Women know how to cover their tracks better

than men. Okay, So I feel like women do stuff and they take it to the grave. Women know how to cover their tracks. Anything about that. Women know how to um. Make sure that they cleared the history on their phone. They cleared the history on their navigation in their car. Um And I am I telling them you are? I will say I did, I did get caught. You know what I did about to give you a tip. I'm sure you'll probably already know this tip. So I had a person I was talking to. This is during

a rocky moment. Were you with one or not? We were together? They were together? But said me, but I had enough, Okay, she said, I gotta I gotta do me. Okay, I had enough. So I had a person I was talking to and I changed his name to a female's name in your phone in my phone. Yeah, Robin, that's the old news. Whatever knew? Yes, I mean, you know how many people in the film as Sally and Jim

and Larry and Teresa. Somebody just learned something. Okay, okay, okay, So wait a minute, So wait a minute, So did you when you said you you jumped out there Were you cheating on wine? Were you having sex with this man? No? No, no, we were We probably would have gotten there, but we were just communicating. And he found out and found out Wine found out, and he didn't want to like break

up or anything. But it was an eye opener for him, you know, because you know, at that point, I'm like, you're not giving me the attention that I need or that I want. So um, So that was an eye opener for him. But this was like years and years and years ago, and he like still will never forget that.

That So notice not too ladies. Man want to do what they want to do, but they I'm sure I don't want you doing what you want and if and and the quickest way to get a man to get himself together is for him to think you doing something else exactly exactly. And I feel like, um, actually, when when Jamal and I broke up, that that that's what happened. Like he would he'd be outside, like waiting for me to drive off. I lived in this apartment and it had a garage. He'd be waiting outside the garage like

where's she going? Right's she going to see? What's she gonna do? They cannot handle it. They can't. And it's such a double standard. It's so crazy. It's like, Okay, y'all can do what you want. You can run around. It's like, okay, you know, especially if you have kids, if we have kids, Okay, I gotta come home. I gotta be with my kids. But the man, he can just be like, all right, well i'm gonna I'm gonna play the video game. I'm going too, you know, play basketball.

I'm gonna do this. What what? Why is that? Why can you just come and go as you please? And I can't. So I'm like, oh, how would you like it if I was just like, Okay, well i'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that, right. I totally it's a very it's a huge double standard. We have to understand that men are babies. Their egos are easily fragiled, fragiled I think I made up a word. Their Their egos are easily fragiled. Is that easily broken? Sure? Broken?

And I you know, if you're not stroking their fractured fractured, easily fractured. Yes, yes, there we go. Um. They always want their ego stroked. They always want to feel like they're so very important, they're so needed, they're so wanted. But let them think you're getting attention from somebody else. Let me tell you something, so ladies, you heard it from me first. If you're in a relationship, and even

if that relationship is amazing, that is your boo. He's got your back and you are you rightly so have his back. That is that is just your main man. And y'all are y'all are doing the dog on thing every now and again. Gone and put that freaking dress and put them high heels on, and call all of your girlfriends and let him know that you've called all of your girlfriends, and y'all are going out and do not come home until the sun comes up. Okay, just do it. And let me tell you something. That's just

a little check in. It's just a little let him know, like, don't get froggy, buddy, because other people are out here who think I am sexy. He needs to know that at all times. And when you come home, he is gonna be like, you have a good time. Let me say that. I think I can say this. I think I can say this, so you know I have a good girlfriend. Eric Allows and Kevin and like, you know,

I think they won't mind me telling this story. But um, one day I was coming into New York just to hang out and with a with a couple of girlfriends, you know Erica. Tokevin, like, if we're gonna hang out this girl's night out? He was like all right, So he was like, you know what y'all need. So we actually needed for him to get us a v I

P section in the club. So he, you know, Kevin Lyles, Mr Kevin Lyles, he goes into the club when we got there, he came, he paid for everything, He talked to all the security guards, he was like, take care of them. He put down the black card, so we were like free to do us for the nights. Okay, kind of kind of because clearly he'd probably pay some people to take pictures of us. Well whatever. Um, so long story, sure, we didn't expect the night to go this way. Long story short, it went the way of

eric Allows didn't get home into the sun. It was literally like five thirty in the morning. So the funny part about it was I had like, let's say, a seven am flight, so I literally went to the hotel, packed my bags and went straight to the airport. And as I'm at the airport, I get I get a call from Kevin an Erica, and the call went a little something like this, because Kevin, if you really wants to talk to me, he calls me from Erica's phone. So when when I look at it and says Erica.

But then when I pressed um answer, it's Kevin. So she's sitting there right there with him, and he was like, really, this is what we're doing. Oh my god, is that what we're doing. So I've been home all night, my wife didn't get home. It's your fault. It was your fault. I mean know it was the collective fault of girl's

night out, but you know what that was. That was cool for me to know that not cool, but it was like a good Like every now and again, you gotta let these dudes know for sure, Hey, they are married to a hot girl that be they can go out and have fun and tear the club up and see they're gonna come home when they come home. And trust me, when you're out, their mind is going crazy. Their imagination is running wild. They are like she is being lifted, someone is lifting her, and she striding his

face and there's humping on the floor. Oh my god. And you know what, these guys are tormenting themselves when we're out and having our having our hot girl fun. But we're not thinking about them, right, We're just having fun. Right. Meanwhile, the phone is in the in the purse and they on face time to call twenty times, so they're ready to call the police because they're scared to think you're, like, you know, missing, but really they know you're really not.

And then and then let me tell you what what they do, so they'll be like, I say, it's five girlfriends. The single single hot girl is posting all night on her Instagram, so like, yeah, so all the husbands are like scrolling through China see oh my gosh. In the background, who's that dude? And in the background corner, who's that dude? So you know, I mean, you know, long story short, ladies, do not lose yourself in whatever relationship that you're in.

Make sure you maintain your strength, your independence, your self worth because it can easily get wrapped up into him. I'm gonna tell you right now that I did it. You know, I was in a shadow. You know. Jamal Bryant is a huge personality a huge figure. Any room he walks in, he sucks out all the air. And I didn't have my own sense of who I am and who I want to be. So you know, I tell my children a don't date an athlete robin um or or a or a megapath um those two things

jack chack or a rapper check um. But make sure that, no matter what, you always maintain who and what you are. And that gets confusing sometimes because we all want to grow and develop, right, we all want to strive to greatness. But make sure that whatever relationship you're in, if he's not helping you get to your individual greatness, you need to leave. That's a word, because he will suck it out of you. Right. If your man is not cheering you on, if he's not supporting you, if he's not

encouraging you, you know he ain't for you. He's not for you. He's not for you. But I'm but I will say, like I said, sometimes you do have to split up. Yeah, but break up, file for divorce, move on. That's not to say that you'll never get back together, but sometimes they need, you know, that's that smack on the head to wake themselves up. And realize what they had and how to be a better man for that person that you are becoming or that you are destined

to be. Yeah, and let's be clear, you know, breakup or makeup. I mean, the reality of it is, relationships are tough. It's a it's a it's a everyday journey. Um. I feel like, yes, Jamal and I we broke up our marriage based off of, um, you know, infidelity, But if that had not happened, I always think, you know, because I was being swallowed in this marriage what I have eventually snapped and wanted to leave because that's just not it was sucking out who I am and who

I feel like her become. Um, I don't know. But but he and I both say that us getting a divorce was the best thing that ever happened to him and to me individually. Um. But you know, of course, we have three beautiful kids, so it was all worth it in the in And I feel like I don't make no mistakes. No, he sure doesn't. He sure does not. But it would be nice if we could, you know, figure out how to reduce the divorce rate, how to keep families together. But it's hard, it's hard. It's hard.

I always say that relationships are work, and unfortunately for me, sometimes I just get throw my hands in the air and give up and I don't want to work. You know. I was saying this recently to one of our girlfriends and you were there, and she said, she's been married for like seven No, she's been married for two years, but she's been with this guy for about seven years. And she said, um, I don't ever feel like our relationship is work. And everybody else in the room was like,

wait on it, wait on it, because it's coming. Um. And not to say that work is a bad thing exactly, but you gotta work to make sure that you're happy, that he's happy, that collectively y'all are happy. The kids come, that derails things. I mean, it's toss indeed, right, and you grow and you evolve, and you know, sometimes you grow apart, but that doesn't mean that's the end of

your relationship. When you grow apart, you gotta figure out, Okay, well, how can I grow with that person and meet them where they are and adapt and change and so it takes. It's a lot of give and take. It's a lot of um. You know. I always say you know, no human is perfect, and so I think sometimes when people do mess up, people get so angry about what that person did to them. But I always say, that person, because they're not perfect, would have done that to anyone.

So you always have to take out like the personal feeling like he hurt me, Like no, he would have hurt anyone because he's not where he should be in life, or because you know, he would have made this mistake anyway. So I think sometimes when women get so so bitter and angry and then they you know, cause problems with you know, the seeing the kids, and they want to

you know, retaliate, that's when things get worse. So if if you know, let's go for a woman or a man, like when the other person hurts you, just realize they're not hurting you intentionally. They're doing it because they're not perfect. And when you can remove that element, it helps just

in in moving forward. And then also you know, let's let's be clear, like if you find your dude cheating on you, do you then circle back and if if you're all gonna make it, you know, y'all, y'all are gonna you know, go down this journey and go down this test of time. Do you sit set new boundaries? Do you set ultimatums? Do you say, okay, this happened in order for us to make it right? Um, I want a trip to the French riviera, or I want a new pair of shoes, or I want a Cartier bracelet?

Like do you set do you set parameters? That's a band aid? Like do you know asking for I mean, that's not okay if the guy messed up, like, that's nice if he wants to give you stuff, But that shouldn't be like, Okay, just give me this and I'm fine and we can move forward. Um, but a lot of women do that. I I mean is that materialistic? Yeah? Like, how does that solve? Just just for the record, I don't do that. No, I mean it doesn't know, it doesn't solve the problem. You're right, it does put a

band aid on it. But do you say, okay, let's do a post nup. Let's put in writing that if this ever happens again, it's a wrap. I'm for it right now. Mind you? Speaking of nups, ladies, don't you

ever get married. I don't care what you don't care if you got five hours and he has seventeen, don't you ever get married without a prenup, okay, because you do not know where this relationship is going financially, and finances are important and you want to protect yourself if and when you got you get a divorce, you want to protect yourself. So you want to make sure that you are that there's no fight. We we ain't fighting over money, like I didn't. I didn't have a prenup,

so you didn't. I did not because it was a fight. Yeah, it was a fight, but like I just said, like we didn't have much, like we grew it all together. Um, and it wasn't a fight over money necessarily, it was a fight over I guess it was over money. Okay, who am I lying? Yes? Okay, so we're fighting over money. You're fighting over that's why I say the kids. But like, no, it was a fight over money, and I will that's that's a never. I will never ever do that to myself.

A game. Okay, So that's that. I mean, that's good advice because you could get married, like you said you could. You could get married when you're twenty one and you're both young and you're growing, and then one of you can turn into a mogul. You can start a company and then all of a sudden, it's a fight, you know. So so yeah, it's it's definitely good to have that

stuff up front. And I feel like that that makes the when their kids involved, that makes it even harder, you know, to get to a good place when it comes to the kids. It's like you're fighting over the money. Now you're being bitter and you're fighting over the kids and and you all. You also need to understand that marriage is marriage and even just any relationship, it's it's a transaction. It's it's you know, you can't break it down for it to be like a business transaction so

to speak. Right, So you have to decide for yourself, Ladies, how many times if you if you're gonna talk cheating, how many times it's too many times? Like, don't just go down this road and say, um, well I'm just in a relationship and whatever happens happens, and I'll just deal with it when it happens. No, you need to set boundaries for yourself. You need to set a precedent for yourself. Um, because this is your life. Don't ever And it's going back to that cam allows. He taught me, Giselle,

live your movie, don't live no man's movie. This is your life, this is your road. And it's nice if y'all can live the movie together, but don't live somebody else's life. Have your own. Yes, you know he didn't say that at five o'clock in the morning when I was like, what I said about leaving a movie, I didn't mean in the club, right, But I mean just this, just word word for a while. So I think we've

given people a lot of stuff. I know, I know, am I And like I said, my my um final word on this, Like when we're talking about forgiveness, Um, if you choose to take someone back who cheated, then you chose to take them back. So don't don't hold those bitter feelings moving forward. You have to be willing to say, you know what, that happened in the past, and we're moving forward from it, so you don't need to bring it up over and over again. You don't

need to be walking around pouting angry. You don't need to be like, well, well tell me again what happened. Nope, let it go and move on. If you choose to stay, then let it go. Yes, not that I agree with that. Now I'm not good with that, right because I will let you live in purgatory for the rest of your life. I mean, sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind them what they were capable of, or you know, sometimes you know like oh right, okay, remember when you did that? Okay, Yeah,

sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind them. But I'm saying, like, don't hold on to like the bittern and the pain and the anger, um, because it's not going to help you. It's not gonna help you, and it's not going to help the relationship. And to be honest with you, and I got this from Oprah Winfrey, forgiveness is for you, forgiveness of what somebody has done to you. It's for you, it's for your peace, it's for your sanity. Um. Yes, it's great for for them to know that you forgive them,

but it's really for yourself. Um. Okay. So we want to always end any of our podcasts with a reasonable situation and a shady situation. And to be quite honest, Robin, you should be very proud of me because I was not shady at all in this second episode. I mean, you have a little bit shady a little bit. Okay, So it was reasonable. So it's fine. Okay, So do you want to give our So because this podcast is about relationships, we wanted to give our reasonable relationships. Okay. Okay,

you're going, I'm gonna give the shady. Okay, good, Yes, so you can get the reasonable. So my reasonable relationship goes to Will and Jada Pinkett. They have a wonderful relationship with Will's first wife, who they have a child with. Um, they have a wonderful family unit. It seems like, you know, they're they're pretty open with their experiences, and I think

they are. Um. You know, of course we don't know every little detail about what happens behind closed doors, but I think what they've shared with us is something for us to all, you know, learn from and grow from and strive to be if you're ever in a situation like that. Yes, I love that. I love that Will and Jad I mean Will and Jada for whatever it's worth, their goals, their relationship goals fortuately. Um, okay, So let's

talk about some shady couples out here. Industry. You have, man, So I have actually a couple I have to So first I want to say, and I kind of really don't want to say this because she has passed away, but with me and Bobby. Oh and the only reason why I say is shady because I was hurt when they broke up. I thought they would be together forever because they were both the right kind of crazy right to make a relationship work with each other. Okay, um, you know see I felt like they were almost each

other's worst enemy. They weren't good for each other. Okay, So and that's that's rob shady take. And then we have ray J and Princess. Princess found out that she was getting divorced on Instagram. Yeah, what is it? But now aren't they back together? What is that? I feel like I keep hearing the make up a breakup? Okay, I have an issue when couples just air out their

issues on social media. Stop it anyway? Like, yeah, so we could go down the line, right, ray J and Princess super shady because because the problem is when you let the public into your relationship problems and then you get back with that person, well, the public did not forget about your relationship problem. Yes, because ray J, I'm sideye and you sir, right side eye on you. So aren't they back together? I don't know what always be shady and but that's the same thing like Quabo and Sweetie,

Like Quebo. You was talking about taking the Bentley back boy by right, Yeah, I had love for you. I mean I was gonna make you my wife. Yes, but then when people come in, you don't want to hear it because but you just let it all in. Anyway, all right, we are out of here. We absolutely love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. Too Reasonably Shady next week we're probably going to be talking

about We're gonna be talking about confidence. Um. Over confidence is confidence a killer when it comes to relationships, you know, um, romantic relationships and friendships and and professional relationships and professional relationships. So um. And at some point we're gonna start taking viewer advice questions indeed, so so look out for that on social media because we want to know what you are thinking, what you're feeling, and we gonna answer them

them shady questions. Alright, girl, Yes we will, yes, yes indeed, so all right, bye, see you later until next week, Thanks for listening. Reasonably Shady is a production of the Black Affect podcast. Network. For more podcasts from our Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you can connect with us on social media at Robin Dixon ten, Giselle Briant, and Reasonably Shady