Hello. So I have something new for us today that is going to be. A pass the mic episode, the first where I take the microphone and have somebody else ask me a question. So I obviously like to be the one asking questions. So this won't happen very much, but. Uh, thank you in advance for listening. I also want to just mark the occasion. So the reason I'm, uh, had this type of episode today is I have. The first 25. Podcast episodes published already. And it has been so much fun.
It has been something I'd wanted to do for so long. And to actually have the opportunity to do it. And all of the wonderful people that have allowed. Me to interview them and be part of their lives. You know who you are. I so, so much appreciate it. The guests that I have here make the podcast, what it is and I can't. Thank you all enough. Thank you all for being listeners. We've got over 700 listeners and 10 different countries now.
And I am just so thrilled that this is potentially helping people and starting conversations. And if nothing else, that there's an extra phone call or an extra text message that that will make a difference at some point, with, with these topics. So. Anyway, without further ado. Thank you so much for listening and let's get started.
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of real conversations about aging parents. This is your host, Rebecca. And today I am going to pass the mic. So, uh, periodically throughout the podcast, I, I think it's important that I'm not the one always. Necessarily running the conversation and, um, like some perspectives and give the opportunity to other people that are part of the project or listen to ask me some questions. So I have a very good friend of mine, Liz.
Liz. Thanks for being here. Thank you
for
having me. So you're a, an avid listener and I always look forward to your comments and constructive feedback on the podcast as they come out. And you always need that kind of person out in the community that can tell you when you edited something wrong or when something maybe came off better or worse than you thought it did. Um, so thank you for being that person for me, that that's really helpful. Absolutely. And so what we're going to do today is we're going to be kind of unstructured.
I wanted to give you the mic, um, to ask questions about my experience or the podcast itself or anything that, that you think as somebody listening would be relevant or helpful. So, uh, that's my cue to stop talking. Great. Okay. So my first question is why did you start the podcast? So I, I love podcasts in general, and I've been consuming the vast majority of information through podcasts for probably the last five to seven years.
And uh, just as somebody who's traveling on the road a lot or with my kids and just something very easy to consume and listen to. And when I hear a great podcast, I share it with my friends through a podcast link. And so. Thank you. When I wanted to get more serious about this conversation and this project, I had first actually started a blog. Nobody knows about this because nobody read it, which is reasonable. And so I got on medium. com and started writing.
And what I noticed was I would spend a lot of time and I love to write by the way, but I would spend a lot of time writing it. And then I'd spend a lot of time editing it. And then I'd put it out there and it just didn't have any staying power. And I realized that I could, uh, dictate into writing. Um, so then I started to do that and then I was like, why don't I just talk on a podcast?
That's probably Going to cut out a lot of the middleman and make it more shareable than maybe a blog post would be. So I'm kind of a recovered blogger. Um, and then I moved into thinking that there'd be a podcast. And then I just got excited because I thought it'd be fun to talk to people in the same medium in which I've been operating or listening for a long time. So that's, that's where the idea of the podcast came in originally.
I thought I was going to do a podcast on multi generational living. And I pushed myself, I still have the list to write down the podcast topics, but I just ran out. I mean, there's a finite number of things as much as I love that topic that I could talk about. And I was like, who's going to be driving to work and listen to a podcast on multi generational living, especially if that's not part of their life or a potential part of their life. Um, I, I knew the podcast would.
Would be fun for me and my, my friends and colleagues that have, uh, known about this passion I've had for a long time. And I wasn't going to like send them a, a podcast on bathroom dimensions. And what was ironic is as I pivoted away from that, somebody actually started a podcast on. Multi generational living. And I've wondered how successful that is and they're doing it really, really well. So that was kind of a funny thing that that ended up popping up anyway.
Um, but the minute I realized that I could talk to people about these very deep, complex issues of the mind and our connections with other people, given my, my background, that was it. Like my, my head exploded and I was like, I must do this. Um, I must start the podcast and I just started recording. That's awesome. I know we're certainly glad that you have, um, really enjoyed, enjoyed listening to them and learning more. Each one makes me and my family take a deep dive into the topic.
So thank you for doing that. My next question is, um. What is the most surprising aspect of the podcast so far? Well, that I, that I've been doing it. Um, I'm in a weird state of my kind of professional life right now, making a lot of transitions and the fact that it gets published every Wednesday has been a huge accomplishment. But other than the surprise of that, um, I, when I started out, I thought that the podcast was going to reach people.
Like me that are worried are supporting aging parents. And what I have been surprised about are the number of people that have picked it up as an aging parent. And listen to it and thought, Oh my God, I don't want my kids worrying about this. Or, you know, I'm going to have this conversation and I get this set up.
And every time I get one of those stories that trickles back that, um, that this is beneficial or at least eyeopening for everybody, not, I mean, I, again, I kind of went into it thinking the only people that would listen would be.
People in my boat, but it's a community issue and that that there's change coming in all directions to um To be more prepared to be more open to be more caring and kind on this topic I that's been surprising to me and it's actually made me a little paranoid when i'm talking because I i'm always very Sensitive to not come off as like ageist or, you know, we're here because people, other people are getting old. I mean, I'm getting old too. Everybody's getting older.
And, and this is, this is geared towards myself as well as a parent, you know? So, um, but yeah, as far as surprising that that part is unusual. And then I realized like, you know, when I'm talking to people in their sixties, They are right there in the middle. They, they saw their parents alive in the eighties. And then they're also an, a quote unquote, aging parent to somebody in their forties. And so that population has probably been, um, one that I was surprised about, but they get it.
That's the cool thing. When I talk to people in their forties about this, they, they don't really get it. Um, They don't, uh, connect the same way, uh, somebody in their, their sixties. And so I've, I've really enjoyed kind of being surprised by that. Um, so as someone who's Um, in my late forties, I, I am, these, these topics do, do resonate with me because, you know, I have aging parents and I also, you know, I am a parent and what was surprising to me is that.
My 30 year old daughter is benefiting from these as well. I did not think she would be a demographic who would listen to this type of podcast, but she is. And, you know, she looks forward to them every Wednesday, just like I do. And, um, and it's. It's, it's helped our conversation about, you know, how we will do things or how, you know, um, we will handle things as, as I age or expectations that, that maybe I have or, or she has. Um, so that's been interesting to me. All right.
So my next question is, um, which is this. I'm really curious. So how long does it actually take to create each podcast episode? Uh, so they're, the episodes are varying quality for sure. Um, the actual, from start to finish, probably three to four hours.
Wow. Um, because you've You know, find somebody you work through, you know, whether or not they want to be a guest and the privacy issues and make sure they're comfortable and then follow up and then set up the recording almost always end up rescheduling between one of the, one of the, both of us, a time or two. And then the actual recording is the raw file. And then I go back and.
And, um, that, that's also a varying quality and I have some that I haven't been able to edit back to, to what I consider a standard to publish that they're just sitting around. Um, and that's my, they're mostly the ones I record on my own and then just can't stand when I listen back to them. Um, but a lot of the conversations that I put out there are much longer than what you actually hear. Um, and I try to keep them drive timable, like.
Less than an hour for most of them and less than that, even more ideal. So not heavily edited to like change the substance, but the pauses and the, that kind of thing. And just try to go back and crunch them up. Um, my daughter, the eight year old does help me with editing as if it's not obvious. That's editing is, is not great. And, um, there's a couple of times I've published a blank episode. That was embarrassing.
Um, I mentioned this in a different episode upcoming, but I have a tortoise in the same room where I... Record the podcast. And so I could hear the tortoise in the podcast when I'm listening back to it. It's a thumping sound in the back. Um, but that's the best place for me to record in the house. Uh, but yeah, it, it definitely, and I go back and I read it a couple of times. I listened to it. Um, so by the time I've actually published it, it's been three or four hours per episode.
Wow. That's quite a time commitment for sure. It's fun though. I like it. It's never, it doesn't feel like work to me. I, I, I love the topic and I love, um, what's going out and I can see the potential to start conversations. And so just that part of my brain, um, it, it, it, I look forward to doing it. I don't look at it like, Oh my God. Now, if I'm running late that there's one podcast where I interviewed my kids and that was because I had recorded one and I couldn't.
I didn't like it and it was really late in the day. And, um, and so then I grabbed my kids and did those interviews. So that didn't take three hours because they were here. Um, but yeah, so that's, that's pretty much standard. I could do it in shorter periods for shorter episodes, but yeah. Cool. That's good to know. And I will say, I think your, your editing skills have improved since the first episode. Thank you. Right? Or your, your, uh, the sound quality, et cetera.
So you're just getting better and better the more, the more you do. So my next question is, um, how many podcasts do you think you'll do? So going back to when I talked about the multi generational podcast that never happened, I was like, I could probably do 50 and cover most of the topics. But when I switched to doing conversations, I was like, there's millions of stories. I'll never run out of people. To find to tell me a story.
Um, and so I know the potential there is unlimited that there's way more people with stories and I have Wednesdays left in my natural life. So I knew that was good. But going into it. I had this idea that I would do 100 And just see what happened and see, so I thought I would, um, watch the growth, watch the uptake, you know, see if it was still resonating. Um, I certainly don't want to do the podcast just for myself to listen to, but, um, yeah. So I'd set out doing a hundred.
Hopefully I'll get way past. that, but that's two years of podcasting and that's way more than most podcasts. Get most of them fizzle out right about now, actually somewhere between 20 and 50 podcasts. They kind of go out with a lot of steam and then they, um, publish and then they realize it takes a lot of work and, um, and it's some organizational skills to, to do it. And I think, you know, it's easy to lose sight of.
I had also considered one point, just doing a series, like knowing it would be. Say 50 episodes and then just saying that from the beginning, like, okay, one of 50, two of 50, three of 50, but I don't know if I, I didn't want to limit myself like that because they're, they're too much fun. And I keep promising to do these follow up episodes because I really want to, and there's people that have things happening in their life that I'm going to follow up on.
And I think that's part of the conversation, right? Right. A couple. Yeah. I have on deck for next year already that I, I can't wait to do and, and follow up. So that's awesome. That, that would be neat because I know some of them where you have talked about following up, I, I definitely would like a, a follow up on some of those, um, just to see how things work out. I'm really curious to see how, how Anne's doing and, what became of, her situation.
She, she was back in episode seven and I just reached out to her. She's moving in November of this year. So I'm thinking spring of 2024, I'm going to come back around. Would be a good time. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. That's awesome. Um, so. What are you hoping people will do as a result of listening? I think have a conversation. I think that's the most important thing. And I struggled with even what to name the podcast. I had some like, you know, quirky, fun names.
And I had read this advice about naming the podcast exactly what it is. So people knew like, it was just like, that's instead of something abstract, you know, they were like, that's, that's what that is. And so it has this very vanilla name, but really the intent is the name as well. And it's real conversations with aging parents.
Is the intent of this podcast and, um, or, you know, vice versa, so the aging parent having these conversations, because that's, if I had to pick the one thing that I can't materialize in the middle of a medical crisis for a patient, it's a prior conversation. I can't. There's no prescription for that. There is no, um, way to recreate that time when that conversation could have been had, um, prior to this.
And, and I, and I know I don't talk about this a lot on the show, but I have extensive experience with patients in a coma and other severe traumatic brain injury type outcomes. And they, they don't, they can't communicate. Anymore because of the brain injury and so those conversations are amplified the ones that they have with their family all become amplified because that was their last communication from a healthy normal working brain and and I just in general value conversations.
I talk a lot, you know, I have a lot of. Um, activities in our house. We always have people over and dinners and that's just a part of our lives. But I, if anybody hears anything, um, I want it to inspire a difficult conversation, um, because that is prevention for some of the, um, pain and suffering that I see. in a hospital setting. And, and that would mean the most to me that it, it led to that.
And I would say second to that, there's a lot of difficult stories on, uh, the podcast and that is intentional as well, because I, if anybody can hear themselves. In somebody else's story, um, especially stories that are, aren't quite as rosy as others, um, to give them some community to give them some, uh, validation or, uh, just less isolation in that topic. Like, what if I don't have a good relationship with my parent? What if I'm estranged from my parent? What if my parent is abusive?
What if, what if, what if, and I will continue to seek out the diversity of stories for that reason. Um, so people can identify everybody who can find something they identify with. Uh, throughout the stories and, and that alone, I think is also something that, that you could take away or even giving context or empathy to other people.
So if you were blessed to grow up with, you know, the number one parents, triple A, five star parents, and you have a, a friend that's Not dealing with that, and it will give some context to that and how that could be more difficult. And, um, maybe some of the more challenging decisions that they have to make as well. So those are probably the two things. So conversations and community, that's awesome.
Yeah. And I, as far as I'm concerned, that's definitely, um, what, what's happening, um, for us. I know. And I'm sure, I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Um, so how do you, how do you find guests? So I started by interviewing everybody I knew, um, but, but quickly I was able to find people that knew people that I knew. And then it just started going from there. And more recently I've had people just reach out as listeners or, um, somebody found me on the internet.
Um, and then I'm in a bunch of different communities, especially physician communities. And I'm always. Um, looking for, uh, people with stories and so that's been good, too. And, uh, the experts, that's even been fun. Um, I didn't originally plan to interview experts, but I, I think that's a, I mean, I have the same questions everybody else has, right? So, yeah, but, but I have a forum to go find the people that I want to pick their brain and.
Um, if there's anything that I enjoy doing, it's picking other people's brains. And so doing that in that setting, that means that I don't have to turn around and go tell all my friends what I learned from an estate lawyer or something. I could just send them the link. It's so much easier. Um, but yeah, so I'll continue to find, I think the key experts in these areas and, and, you know, talk to them sometimes repeatedly. Um, but so yeah, it's still, it's still early.
Um, I don't, I don't feel like I'll have a shortage of that, but I'm always keeping in mind again, that diversity of trying to find people with different viewpoints, I'd like to develop, um, more diversity with the, religious and cultural, standpoints as well, because that, that varies, that's a huge factor in how people think about their parents. Um, so, uh, anyway, yeah. So that's how I find them. And anybody who's listening that wants to be on the. Podcast. They could always email me.
The email address is story. S T O R Y at Rebecca Tapia md. com. And I can put that in the show notes. Right. That would be helpful. So what's next for the podcast or in my life? Yes. Yes. All of the above. Um, no, I, in, in the, in the podcast specifically. I love, I, um, I love doing it. What's next is, um, I think taking what I did the first 25 times and, um, growing it, making it better. Eventually I'll More professionally edit the podcast.
So what would be next would be actually having them professionally sound edited. But until that point, we're going to, well, it's makeshift it's tortoise time. I mean, it's, it's, uh, it's fine. Um, and the truth is these conversations don't happen in a professional sound environment. Um, this is the first, past the mic I'm doing, but I have two or three in the works that I think will be good.
And I think you'll hear a different part of me if somebody else is talking to me versus me talking to the microphone myself. And, um, and that'll help. That'll challenge me, I think, to be to, to, yeah, just Think differently and give different answers than I would if I was just asking myself.
But yeah, I will continue doing, I think next year, I think this, the next, uh, 12 to 18 months are going to be really fun again, because we've already built so many cool stories that are happening in real time. And I don't know of a lot of other podcasts that do that. Um, usually once they have a guest on, I mean, that's, it's a one time, uh, thing and it's usually like a promotional thing or something, but now, um, we have real life stories. There's a real life people there.
going to come back and say, Oh, you know what I said? Here's, here's what really happened. Right. Yeah. Well, and, and, and in that regard, I would also say, um, or I'd like to say not to be so hard on yourself about the, uh, the sound because part of it does make it feel like, like, You're having a conversation with, with a friend when I'm listening, I feel like I'm having a conversation, you know, or I'm part of your conversation, um, you know, so, so you're keeping it real.
Well, I'm going to put that in my show notes. Liz said to keep it real and I don't have to obsessively sound edit these. What's funny, and this is probably too much information, but there's a cool setting in the editing software I use called Studio Sound, but it makes me sound like a frog. But it cleans up the audio beautifully.
Um, and I used it with the, uh, the podcast with Cecilia and it still bothers me how, how the sound is on that one, but that's, that's a beautiful podcast and I've just left it that way, but, um, that's just an example of, there is a lot of tools that can clean that up, but. Um, sometimes at the expense of the tone, the tone gets messed up a little bit. So if you ever hear me sounding like a frog, it's because of the, the, the software editing.
And it's much faster for me to sound like a frog and have it clean than me to go back and do it manually. So there, yeah, that's it. So now we know. Yes. Well, great. This was, this was fun. Is there anything, I appreciate you giving me this opportunity to have the mic. Thank you. Thank you. Um, is there anything else that you'd like to share with us before we go? Um, so I'm going to tell people, um, a little secret, which is you were one of the first people I recorded and I learned a lot.
I know. I know you're going to turn red now. And I learned a lot from the recording, but I wanted to make a point that by the time we were done, the most important thing to me is that somebody is comfortable and that this is a very private topic. And when I'm interviewing somebody that I know in real life.
That can be really challenging because we know a lot of the same people and, um, I say this because I want to, if anybody's wondering, reassure it, there are things I've recorded that I don't end up publishing. Um, it's even after I record them, I always send and, you know, ask for edits or make sure they're okay. Um, and, and those are the ones that will end up actually in the podcast and, and I know that was hard for you and it was actually a really. Um, one of my first interviews.
So it was kind of choppy on my end, but eventually I would like to find a way to, I think you have an incredible story and a lot to share and, um, find a way to do that, but that's just an example of that, you know, the, again, the, the baseline here is these are private issues and that's one of the main reasons we only really use first names unless somebody asks. Or tells me that they're going to use a second name so people can find them their last name.
So, uh, for a couple of people, they've been like, Oh, you can find me on Instagram and they're very open. But for everybody else, we're using either a first name or even a pseudonym, uh, for many of them. Um, and if that allows them to be candid and, um, I think that's, uh, you know, that that's good. So I, I do appreciate you doing that recording. I know we can, uh, eventually go back and do something again, but you're right in the middle of it, right? I would like to redeem myself.
That was a terrible recording. No, it wasn't! Well, um, anytime I ask you questions about, you know, your family and you know your family will listen to this, that's, that's different than me asking somebody I've never met in a different state that there's no chance anybody's ever going to find this. So, so anyway, it taught me a lot and I appreciate you being willing to be one of the first people that. I was like, yeah, let's do an interview.
But it was a good early lesson of, I, it helped me develop my standard of like, um, this isn't meant to hurt anybody. This isn't meant to make anybody sleepless. And so if, if I ever get into that again, you know, those, um, I have a much clearer picture of kind of how to handle that. So I'm glad that it was beneficial in some way. So, so now the listeners, the listeners know if you have a, uh, a, um, A recording with a robotic sounding voice is going to be me. We just talked about this.
I was like, Oh, I could disguise your voice, but everything was so obvious. It was like, because your story is so unique, though. I mean, your story is so, um, is so individualized. And so the coolest thing, another thing was that came out of when I did the recording with you, your daughter was there and She's 30. Right.
Um, and so I thought she was in the corner on her phone, and wasn't really paying attention, which I wasn't wanting her to it was just like, I noticed she was in the same area, but seemed kind of paying attention to something else. And so I wasn't even talking to you thinking that she was listening at all. And the coolest thing, and I do have this part recorded, is when I turned it off, and she was like, wait a minute, what does this mean? And she just had this, like, these wheels start turning.
And then I thought, okay, if, if a 30 year old on their phone is like feeling connected to this topic, um, that could be really cool. Like maybe I'm too narrow in my scope of who I think might benefit from this. Absolutely. Absolutely. You're right. It's happening to all of us that, you know, even if you're even your kids have aging parents. Yes. Yeah, absolutely aging parents.
And hopefully it will benefit them in the future as well, you know, and they they can listen to these Um, as they get older, right? Yeah. Let me give you some other, um, titles of what I thought I was going to call it. So one was, um, what to expect when you're expecting aging parents. Oh, I thought that'd be fun. Um, and then another was kind of silly. It was like, Supporting your boomer parents. And then that was kind of dumb, but anyway, so I went through it.
I was trying to make it catchy and it ended up being the lamest title ever, but then it's so clean, which is exactly what it is. It's perfect. Yeah. Anyway. But yeah, no, it's, it's been really fun and I'm glad we got to. Absolutely and I think some of the conversations are, um, like for me personally, it has, it spurred me on to, um, getting my funeral plan set up and I'm 48, you know, and my husband thought, but, you know, why are you doing that now?
You know, we don't, we don't need that right now. And, um, You know, but it's, it's inevitable. It's going to happen to all of us. So why not? Why not now? Um, you know, I think it's, it's, it's, it's really starting some good conversations. So. Yeah. And you, um, I mean, we'll get more into your story in a future episode, but you. Are also a widow as well. Right. Before you got remarried, you've already been through the young age of losing a spouse.
And so I think you're probably in a different head space of, you know, this Canon does happen and it is tough. And how do I make it easier for everybody else? So we, we don't have to open that topic here, but I, but, but yeah. You say that with a very special context as well of, of knowing what it's like to go through that. So absolutely, And I don't think I mentioned this to you before, but it also, um, my mom went with me. Um, and so she planned her funeral as, as well. So that's a win.
That's awesome. Yeah, totally a win. So, um, so that, that was good. My grandmother that lives with us, uh, Nana, uh, she. She planned everything a long time ago, and she planned it all the way down to the songs that she would allow to be sung at the, uh, service, her favorite songs. And so I always thought that was, I will, of course, when I heard that the first time I was like, that's kind of creepy. And then later, I was like, why the hell not, right? You're not planning, planning your party.
Right. So, um, yeah, so that's the way I, I, I, I think about it, but, um, but thanks for sharing that. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well, this was fun. Thank you again for allowing me to be the guest host. Absolutely. Yeah, I'll have you back in the future. We got a lot of things to talk about. We do. Um, and I'm taking notes on my current situation and that we can, um, talk about it on a future episode. That's like one or two margaritas before the podcast.
I've never had a margarita before any podcast, but for that one, that might be possible. Yeah, yeah, we might have to. Well, thank you, Liz. You mean a lot to me and to the show. And I just thank you for being a part of it and coming up with some great questions. And I will talk to you soon. Sounds good.