(pt.3) How White Teachers Changed My Life

And so , um, so this is my third , uh , installment and this is gonna focus on college teachers. So this is going to include my community college teachers along with my teachers at UCS D. um, unfortunately I really don't have any white teachers that were very influential to me , um, when I was at USC as soul be that as it may. Um, but , uh , to get a sense of who I was when I showed up at MiraCosta though, this was like 1991 that I got there. This was , um, right.

I experienced a lot of racism both in the church and in the Navy. Um, this was a , uh , a period where I just got finished reading the autobiography of Malcolm X and understood that to whatever degree I was a mascot , um, to a lot of white people , um, during high school. And that is what it is. I mean, I still love my Alma mater and I still love the white folks who put me through a lot of that stuff. But , um, those are some really trying times. And this was also 1991.

This is a , this is also like the golden era of hip hop and how we had people like KRS one and public enemy, queen Latifa MC light . We had people who are like very conscious artists and they were on the radio, right? They were on the radio that there they were conscious and they were on the radio , um , and whatnot. And so right at this is what I'm wrapped around.

And so in 1991 , uh , 92 deaths , this is when the Rodney King incident happened , uh, along with , uh , the Rodney King rebellion or riot would, depending on whatever it is you want to say. I'm in that space. And this is, Oh, you know me. And as a matter of fact, the Rodney King , uh, I call it rebellion. You can call it whatever you want, but I call it rebellion.

Um, is that after that verdict, this was a very important part of my life because I decided to become politically active in that moment. I decided to become politically active in that moment. Meaning that I was at MiraCosta and I was completely content with just taking my 12 units and going to work. I was working at Popeye's fried chicken and biscuits at the time and going to work. And then, you know, and going home and studying and doing whatever. I was completely content with that lifestyle.

And then the Rodney King rebellion happened , or the verdict happened. And then the , the rebellion that happened soon afterwards and I decided, I cannot stand this. This is, it's too much. I got, I got to get involved in S you know, I gotta get involved. And this is where like one of the most significant , uh, or white folks in my life just really popped up. His name is Steve Johnson. Um, I, I've lost track of him since , uh, but he was my advisor when I became student body president. First.

I'd be, when I became politically active, I became , um, African American student union president first. That's what we called it at the time. Now people would just call it BSU. But then after that, that's when I ran for academic nonacademic center , um, a associated student body president and student trustee. And I won that and I was that for two years. Right. And so the person that I interacted with though , um, his name is Steve Johnson, he was the advisor to space a white guy.

I didn't know until later on did, he was also, I'm homosexual. And so that may have given them some insight in regards to, you know, historically marginalized groups and what not and how to maybe, you know, kind of deal with me into space. But I remember him just dealing with me, the angry black male. Right. I mean, not dealing with me in a negative way, but just like really tried to help me. Like he created enough space for me to try to figure out so that I can figure out my own stuff. Right.

And so, and that really meant a lot to me. He didn't judge me for it. There were times when I surely got on his nerves. Um, and there was times when he surely got on my nerves, but we , because we were able to talk it out and say whatever we needed to say in the space. And again, he treated me with respect and like an adult as. So I never felt like he was talking down to me, even though there's, even though there's a lot of folks that would say otherwise, w as, as he interacted with with them.

But I never had a problem with him. I love this guy and like I said, just for him to be able to give me the space to work through my own anger and then realizing later on that that's not who I really was anyway. Um, it was just a huge benefit for me. Right. Because you know, after the military and the church and everything, I was just, like I said, I was just a heaping ball of anger.

But something that I think that he figured out and that I clearly feared and I figured out later is that when you're that angry, and let me say this to everyone you know right now who's listening. It's like when you're that angry, when you see that kid, especially when they're a boy, okay. And you see that kid, the, that so angry all the time. And the things that they do are like driven by anger. Understand this is that anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that anger comes second, something else comes first. And for me there was a lot of pain that I was using my anger to try and hide. There was a lot of pain that I was experiencing , um, betrayal that I experienced in the church. Um , and in a military and B , that betrayal turned to anger. That pain turned into anger. And I'm so glad that he was patient enough with me to help me and to help create a space for me to develop into the person that I became.

Right. And so another big thing that happened to me at MiraCosta MiraCosta is my home. This is where my heart is at. Um, because there's a lot of things that really helped me turn to pages, pages in my life , uh, regarding my, the educational trauma that I experienced and putting me on the trajectory that I was to, you know, to , to become a teacher, right. To become a professor quite honestly , um, after community college level.

And so the person I got to get props to is the person that was the vice president of instruction at the time. Her name is Julie hat off. Um, she did something because I was student body president and student trustee and everything as she got to know me a little bit and then she found out what my major was when I was here at MiraCosta. I was a math major, so she found out what my major was as she always had the saying of, you know, MiraCosta we need to grow our own faculty members.

And , um, especially when it came to faculty members of color because they were struggling with that over 20 years ago. They still struggle with that a little bit today. Um, and so she was like, we need to grow our own.

As soon as she saw me as she literally created a position for me , um, a TA position for me , um , in order for me to work with other math instructors so that they can help me develop my skills as a, as a teacher and to help me explore whether teaching was something that I wanted to do at the community college level , um , just in the first place. Right. As so , um, because she created this opportunity.

Now this is , that's a big one, right, folks, it's like, you know, I talk about how there's a lot of small things that white folks can do. This is a big one, right? She literally created a position for me and got funds for this and created funds for this in order for me to be able to do this. And so this is, this is, this is bigger than just saying I'm an ally, right? I mean this is now into the accomplished level. Right.

I would , I would call it up the accomplice level as , so this allowed me, creating this TA ship allowed me to work with , um, Carol Congleton , um, since she's in and she's since retired and everything and whatnot. And I even talked to her about this a little bit, that I was just so thankful , um , that she, you know, that she allowed me to teach a class one time. Like that's how much faith that she had.

Like I think therefore the faith she had in me, and I'll never forget this time where I was TA for her, I think it was in like a , you know, basic math class or something like that. But I was also taking her differential equations class at the time. And so I was in her office about to get the, you know, the answer key or whatever and all the papers for the basic math class. But then I saw, and she wasn't in the room for whatever reason.

And I saw on her desk like right over like next to her desk cause I was kinda like looking around for some papers or whatnot. And I saw on her desk to exam like the, I remember just looking at it and um , um , I recognized that this was the differential equations exam. We were just about to have that exam and I freak out. I'm like, Oh snap. I just got finished in the exam. Oh my goodness. Well at least the first page of the exam, right. I saw the first page of it and I freak out.

I'm like, Oh my goodness. It's like I was so conflicted as to what to do at that moment. But when Carol came into the room, I just, I looked her in eyes and I was like, I am so sorry. I saw the exam. I said, you're your differential equations exam is right there. I'm so sorry. I only saw the first page. I didn't go looking around at it, but I'm sorry. Um , I hope you believe me that I was like, I only saw the first page of it though.

And what she said back to me, I will never forget, she was just like, of course I believe you. Why would you tell me in the first place if you were going to lie? And I'm like just floored at her. Impeccable logic in the space and there's no Brighton . I mean for real, just as as think of it. And cause I knew, I really felt that if I had walked out of that room and not has said anything to her, well one I would had a competitive advantage and I, I couldn't live with that.

But the other thing is that if I didn't say anything, then she would always wonder if I had seen the test . Right. As so that, you know, that really meant a lot to me that she was just like, well of course you're telling me the truth. I mean if you wanted to lie to me, you could've just said nothing. I wouldn't have even thought she probably wouldn't have even thought about it. Right.

As so, you know, so then again, that seems, it may seem like a little bit, but that was actually a really big deal for me, for her to just believe me, for her to just believe me in that space. Another one of my math teachers , um , her name is Joan King. I mean Mayer soul, rest in peace. She passed away. Um, w after I became a professor here, she passed away. And um, I remember, I think it was like how one, maybe calculus too , that um , I was taking, remember I was a math major at one time.

I think I said that already, but um, I got an a in all of my math classes except for this one. And this was why I get a D. I got a D minus on one of her exams. I'll tell you the story in just a second, but I got a D minus on her exam and this is what she wrote on the exam. She asked me, she wrote on it. What happened? Question Mark. That's it. That's what she wrote. That changed my life. That drastically affected me.

So this is the reason why I got the D minus cause I was getting A's and B's on her, on all the tests and whatnot. So , um, but this is what happened. I kid you not like a week before I was taking that exam, my car got stolen. Now to add insult to injury to that, right, that's bad enough. But to add insult to injury that my car was a beat up old thing, it was not even worth stealing.

So you know that the people who stole that damn thing really like, like really, they went to the bottom end of what cars they could steal in order to get mine. And so my car got stolen and you know, that's bad enough. But so I was like, you know what, I can't afford to get a new car right now. And so I'm going to buy a bike and I'm going to , you know, you know, ride my bike to school.

Here's the thing that I didn't think about at the time was that there's a lot of Hills going from my house to Mira Kosta , like straight up. And so, Oh this happened. I'm not kidding, this happens. I bought my bike and as I was riding my bike, this, and this was a , it was an important day to understand. This was the day that we were going to go. Uh , we were going to do our, our preview for tests , right . Our study session for the test. And so that's what the class was.

And I depended heavily on that because look, I said in other , uh, you know, in other episodes that I really didn't try to work all that hard ever. And so the days that we would do these study sessions were really important to me as so, and that's what I would do in order to study. Right. And so I was trying to get it to the, to the study session. I was trying to, I was riding my bike to the study session and I'm not kidding folks, my bike breaks, my bike breaks.

And so it doesn't just like fall apart. What happens is that , um, the, the gear got like the, I dunno what you call that thing, but it got bent in a way to where the chain couldn't shift. When I shifted gears and so it got stuck in a high and in the hardest gear to peddle in . Now I just got finished telling you that there's a lot of Hills between my house and MiraCosta. So I'm like, yo, what am I going to do right now?

Well, before I went to the study session that morning, I actually got a call from , um , uh, you know, like a , a dump site or something like that, like a, like a place where you get your car to where people get their cars towed to . Um, that they said that the police officers, they said that they found my car as I was like, you know what, I'm going to not pick up my car first. I'm going to pedal my way.

I'm going to, I'm going to ride my bike to MiraCosta first do , does mass, you know, does mass study session and then I'm going to go get my car. And so I'm going to MiraCosta my bike breaks and I have , I'm making a decision as I look, do I go uphill and try to get the MiraCosta or do I go down Hill and try to get my bike and, or excuse me and try to get my car and try to still make it to the study session. So I'm like, well to me that was a no brainer.

I was like, look, I need to go try to get this car so I can make it to the study staff session still. Hopefully it's intact. Well guess what? My bike or my car was not intact. Those fools , they took the battery out of the car that was so petty of them. There was nothing literally distilled out of my car except my prescription sunglasses, which I hope they went blind looking through those things. But I don't, I forgive them now.

But back then I was full of pettiness and so as our hope, they went blind looking through my prescription sunglasses and then they took the battery as I'm like, dang. Well, how much does the battery costs and what can I do about this battery? And so I'm like, you know what, let me, I still didn't give up on the mass study session. Like for real, I need to tell you just this whole store . I still didn't give up on a mass study session.

I'm like, you know what, there's like an auto shop place, right? You know, a little bit of way is flat. And so I could still peddle this bike and get over there and I bought a battery and there was a very important lesson that I learned that day. The important lesson that I learned , um , is that car batteries come in different sizes. That's what I learned. And look, you've got to understand, I was a working poor kid who didn't have a father or anybody even mechanical around my mother.

She never owned a car. And so I didn't know, I knew nothing about cars. And so I , I finally did . I finally give up when I bought the wrong battery. I finally give up on trying to make it to the mass a , you know, study session. I get the batteries squared away. I go to the exam the next day and then I wind up getting a D minus on the exam and that's where Joan King says what happened as so after I get the test back after class, I tell her all that story and you want to know what she did.

All she did was just go like, wow, Bruce dad is a crazy ass story and I'm glad you told me. I appreciate knowing what happened and so this is what's going to happen from here. It's like, you know, Whoa, everyone gets to drop their lowest grade and so clearly this'll be the one that you drop and you know everything. It'll be fine from here.

And I'm going to tell you what this is the reason why I took this was actually a really important to me because I didn't need her to change anything in my life. I just needed someone to listen to my story and to care. That's it. That's all I wanted . And that is what I got. And I think her to this day, you know, may her soul rest in peace, I think, or to this day that she just listened to my story and she just asked me why on the paper. I mean, think about it.

She could've just wrote that D minus, she could've wrote that 60% and not has said anything. She could have not had been curious at all as to what had happened as yet. She did. It's so small of a thing that she did, and yet it looms so large in my life. Right? And I want people to understand, it's like you really don't have to do as much as you think you do in order to really have the kind of impact you could have on historically marginalized groups. Right?

And lastly, I've talked about him in another space. And so I really don't want to go into the story behind George lips. It's , he was my professor at UCS D. he is the ethics, like one of the ethnic studies hall of fame type of dudes, white guy. And he literally changed my life by , um, just telling me one day because, you know, and the, and the other, you know, episode when I'm talking about educational trauma, I, I was traumatized, right?

And , and believe and still struggle to this day of thinking that I'm a bad writer. And so George lips, it's, you know, one day after the final , um , after me getting a 100% in his class, 100% on every single one of his essays and then 100% on the final and understand that I've never done that before, nor have I done that sense. Okay. And so this was, that was a very big deal to me.

And he changed my life by telling me, he said, Bruce, the challenges that you have, writing papers at the undergraduate level or going to be your strengths when you go to graduate school. And I thought he was weird for saying that because I wasn't even thinking about graduate school at the time. I hope you understand that. I mean literally I wasn't even thinking about graduate school but partly because he had said that to me.

I started exploring different options and started thinking about my life differently and thinking about my educational trajectory differently, which led me to find the McNair program which focused on first generation low income, historically marginalized groups and socialize them and got them ready for graduate school and let them explore what graduate school , um, you could apply to or whatnot. And that helped me get to USC. Absolutely. Hands down.

If it wasn't for that program, I would have never had been able to go to a college as prestigious as USC. And I even got into UCLA and uh, university of Washington at UC Barbara. Those are other spaces done. I got into and I decided to non USC for a lot of different reasons. But , um, without that program, I never would've , would've been able to do that.

And without him telling me that the , the , the difficulties that I experienced at the undergraduate level would become my strengths at the graduate school level. He honestly didn't understand. I don't, I don't know if he understood how impactful that was. And then I saw him again, this is probably about, I want to say about six years ago now. I saw him out . That's after this conference and I, when I saw his name, I knew I had to go to his workshop. I bought his book, you know what I'm saying?

Because dude wrote like 10 books or something like that. And so dude is absolutely phenomenal. And , um, I wait around in order to talk to him afterwards. There's a ton of people trying to talk to him and everything. And I just felt so unimportant at the time because I knew that there was a lot more important people trying to talk to this man. And , um, but he saw me, he saw me in the audience when I was listening to him. So I knew that he at least recognize me and that, that made me feel good.

But then I, I, I, I remember I was with one of my friends , um, and I went to talk to him cause I just wanted to thank him for saying that to me and I get my opportunity to talk to him. And I'm not kidding folks. I started crying uncontrollably. I was so embarrassed at the time. I mean literally bawling in front of him and amidst all the , the crying, I think I was able to tell him enough for him to figure out why I was crying so much.

I just wanted to tell him thank you for recognizing my ability, recognizing my potential. And I remember he was feeling awkward also. And I mean, it was a really bad situation, folks. It was incredibly awkward situation and, and he was just like, you know , um , yen a spare to who he was working with at UCS at the time. He was like, she's told me that you're working at MiraCosta now, and I said, yes, I'm working at MiraCosta, and he was like, you completed your PhD? I'm like, yes.

I completed my PhD. He was like , um, you're married. Yes, you got kids. You're taking care of your kids. I'm like, yes. He was like, that's all the things I need.

If you learned something today that you think would help close your student equity gaps, how long would it take to incorporate this into your classroom? A year, a semester, next month. Today. No matter the timetable , we must commit ourselves to becoming better teachers. Our students deserve it. All of them, not just the ones that are good already.

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