Are We Kind To Our Students?

Are we acknowledging that there could be other things happening in their lives that could be affecting the quality of their work and therefore don't change your grading or something like that, but just don't interpret them, not turning things in or them needing an extension or them not coming to class a few times. Just don't interpret that as disrespectful or that they don't like you. Quite honestly.

They might not like you and it might be disrespectful, but maybe we should, maybe we should think about this a little bit differently. Like maybe there's some very real things that are happening in their lives that are stopping them from being everything that they could be right now, a regards to school. Right. And that, you know, understanding these things.

Like I said, it's not about changing their grade or anything, it's just acknowledging that they could be going through some very real life traumas right now and to just be kind to them when they show up. Be kind to them when they ask for an extension or something like that. Be kind, I didn't say give it to them or whatever. I mean, whatever your policies are, those are what they are.

We'll talk about those in other spaces, but, but don't be mean, be kind because you don't know what the students are even going through. Right, and this is something that I real , that I really feel is especially should resonate at the community college level as we have students who are our reentry students and who are older and who were parents and caretakers and all these things that they are and who are, a lot of them are poor and their cars break down.

And for a lot of people who are middle class, it's like, look, I'll tell you what, straight up, if my car breaks down, I got two other cars that I could take to work. And so it's really not that big of a deal when my car breaks down, but when other people's car breaks down, that is a life challenge at that moment. They don't know what's going to happen.

Not only is it, they're , they're , they're trying to get the class, but they're also in an Uber or Lyft driver, or they're also a door dash or Postmates person delivery person is . So they're , they're really struggling, not just about their car. They're worried about their livelihood right now. And I get that they may not be prioritizing the school at that moment and their grade will reflect it. I understand that.

And yet at the same time, I interact with teachers, with professors who literally, when they think of these moments, it's like, Oh, the students, they're not prioritizing the school right now. That's why they're not doing bad. And they look down on it.

And I really, and I know that in order to, to really make any student equity packs with impact on any, you know, historically marginalized groups and stuff like that, that we really have to understand that what historically marginalized even means, right? It's not just pushed out to the edges as , um , just social concerns, but there's also economic and , um , structural and things like that.

And so the, the challenges that people have in their lives from historically marginalized basis , I would argue may loom bigger because of the lack of support in other spaces that they may experience because of how marginalized their group and or groups may have been. Right. And so, so when I'm thinking of my mother passing away, when I think of of this time in my life, and so this is not even about my car breaking down, this is about just a very regular time in my life.

It's like there's two times when this happens to be folks. It's every fall, right? My mom passed away on September 11th I'm not even kidding folks. I was like, I can't make this stuff up. My mom passed away on September 11th and so on. I know that the whole nation is going through a whole different type of trauma and , and that communities are going through all kinds of different traumas depending on what communities you belong to.

But for me, it's September 11 all that is to me is just the date . And my mom passed away. And so every time this time of the year it's like I go into this, you know, the cycle depression, I can't call it anything else. It's not anything else. That's exactly what it is. And so by the time I'm done though, right by the time the season comes and goes, you know, is probably about two weeks that I'm kind of walking around and this and this funk, right.

And if you interact with me during this time, you could think, right, especially if you're a professor of you interact with me during this time. You could think that I'm doing that. I don't care about your class. You could think that I'm not being very interactive. You can think that I'm not being very responsive. You can think a lot of things about me that could set me in a negative light. But what I'm trying to tell you right now is that look because of this and the cycles.

So the second time that this happens to me is during my mom's birthday, which is January 27th. And you know, if you're interacting with me during these times, folks, like if you're a professor of I'm a student, you're in Iraq and meeting with me during these times, it would be easy to think that I was not engaged. It would be easy to think that I don't have my mind right, that I'm not prioritizing school and all of this stuff and I get it. I truly do. I truly do get it.

I truly do understand that that's how it looks. But the thing is, is that , uh , we cannot be empathetic as professors that we cannot be empathetic to our students. That they could be going through some very big things in their lives, that maybe school isn't the most important thing in their life right now. But to not hate them, for it to not look down on them for it, but to encourage them to say, Hey, you know what?

This might not be your time, but always know that you are welcome back if you decide to walk away from this. Know that you can come back. Not only can you do it, but you are welcome here. Please make sure you take my class again if that ever happens. As a matter of fact, I just got that email from a student who was like, I was so, he was like, I was so trying hard to make ends meet, but some financial things happen and I got dropped from my classes and I can't continue with my classes right now.

And I told them , I emailed them and I said, I made sure that he knew. It's like you are always welcome here. Please make sure you come back. Oh Whoa . Get your life right so that you can make this into your priority. But understand that you have people here that care about you and your success. Right. And so this is now all the time when I, when I reach out to students and everything and they, cause they missed a few assignments or you know, one I, I get on them at one, right.

And my first line is not, Hey, you're missing an assignment. My first line to them is, Hey, is everything okay? That's what I say. First I noticed that you've missed an assignment. Is there anything that I can do to help you? Just let me know. Talk to me if you need to when you come back. That's it. That's all I have to put. And you know, sometimes the students will email me back and just say, it's like, Hey, professor Hoskins, you know, that's just me slipping.

I'll turn it in and we're good to go. Sometimes it's just like that. Other times they tell me, it's like, yo, my life just got finished falling apart. Thank you for reaching out to me. This is not who I am as a student. I'm going to do better. And they leave it at that. Some students come up to me later on and really talk to me face to face because they really want me to know like what's going on in their lives and I really appreciate it when they do that.

But I always tell them the same thing as I look. I'm not judging you for , for missing a class or anything like that. I just want to make sure that you're okay. I want to make sure that you know that you could do this. And you know, if things aren't lining up for you quite right, you know, you, you gotta handle your priorities. You got to eat, you got to have a house, you gotta have whatever it is, right? You got to take care of your family business and everything. Those are your priorities.

School, you can come back to school. Those are the things you can't come back to. You gotta deal with those things. Right. As so, right. And so then that's what I really want to make sure that people understand. It's like theirs , right? Does this could have a student equity? This will have a student equity effect, I promise you. Right? Because when you think about it, because we interpret different bodies, right? In different ways.

Me as a black male not being engaged in your class, or me being a black male and having an angry moment in your class when we started talking about family. And then there's this angry moment that I have in there because you don't know and or understand that my family life, you know, my father's been absent my whole life. So therefore it's really hard for me to talk about things like that. And I therefore I may respond in an angry way.

Understand what compassion, right, and to, to read that person with compassion because we do, we can affect people's lives, right? And I really emphasize , I want to emphasize that that student equity moment of Sandy's historically marginalized folks, especially black and Brown students, especially, especially black and Brown males, can be read so wrongly in this space because of the things that we might be going through. And so this is going to be the first time I share a poem with y'all.

Um, I told you the anniversary of my mom passing away. And just to make sure that you remember that we're all human, right? And as sometimes those human priorities are more important than our educational priorities. But that's no reason to think less of, or the, you know, to judge someone negatively as a result of that. And so here's my poem. I'm going to tell you right now, I'm going to be a wreck afterwards. After I read it, I'll probably be a wreck while I'm reading it.

Um, and so I'm going to say beforehand, I hope you learned something from all of this. And I hope this helps you remember that our students along with ourselves, a very complex, multifaceted individuals who could have a lot of things going on in their lives that could make them less than their best. But if we give them opportunities to express themselves, like with poetry, and I'll talk about that and a lot of detail in several, you know, other episodes and all of that stuff.

But do we give them opportunities to express themselves,

Gray clouds always on the verge of tears, but never seem to cry. There are no silver linings on days like this when all I can think of are the times that I grudgingly got up to take my mother to the laundry mat on early Sunday mornings where washing machines preached about cleansing, dryer , saying old Negro spiritual. She folded my clothes in prayer while I played the role of a protocol. Son too spoiled to believe that boys should do women's work, but really I was busy doing nothing.

She was never too busy for me while doing everything. I couldn't be bothered to spend 10 minutes to take my mom on an errand because I was watching a football game while she was spent six hours doing laundry on the date I was supposed to be. Her day off. The Japanese don't believe in days off in her culture. You work your way to God. It took my mother 73 years to build a bridge to heaven. Six years ago. She walked across it. I wonder if the angels sing better than those washing machines.

I wonder if she remembers how many times I was mad at her for asking me to help her in heaven. I know that my mother only remembers the days that I told her that I love her on earth. All I could remember all the days that I didn't. I walk over to my son. I tell him to say bye to his mother, grudgingly he does it. I want to tell him that he will take me for this later.

I want to tell him that when his mother passes away, he will remember this day and untaken drivers tests grudges sitting under gray skies and how he almost didn't tell his mother.

A year, a semester next month today, no matter the time table , we must commit ourselves to becoming better teachers. Our students deserve it. All of them, not just the ones that are good already.

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