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God forgive me, but the mate was right to jump overboard. It was better to die like a man. To die like a sailor in blue water no man can object. But I am captain, and I must not leave my ship. But I shall baffle this fiend or monster. For I shall tie my hands to the wheel when my strength begins to fail, and along with them I shall tie that which he, it, dare not touch, and then come good wind or foul, I shall save my soul and my honor as a captain. The light is coming on.
If he can look me in the face again, I may not have time to act. If we are wrecked. Mayhap this bottle may be found, and those who find it may understand, if not, well then, all men shall know that I have been true to my trust. God and the Blessed Virgin and the Saints help a poor ignorant soul trying to do his duty. Here's a trick to catch a rat. Go ashore and find a cat. Starve the cat for fifteen days. Let it loose and watch it play.
Oh, there it goes, cook it up with salt and cloves. Here's a trick to catch a cat, drive a nail into a bat. Pour it out with stink and string. Loose the bat and hear it sing. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and glows. Here's a trick to catch a flea. Stick a needle in your knee. Blee until the watchman comes. Crush the flea beneath your thumb. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and cloves. Here's a trick to catch a shark. Throw the dog and let it bark.
Fill the sea with wood and oil, strike the light and let it boil. Oh, there it goes, cook it up with salt and gold. Here's a trick to catch a whale, thread a needle through its tail, poke it full of wounds and holes, sing a song and watch it blow. Oh, there you go. Cook it up with salt and gold. Here's a trick to catch a goat. Stop the pastry till it's full. Let it feast upon the dough, cut its wings and hear it grow. Oh, there it goes, cooking up with salt and glows.
Here's a trick to catch a bat. Take the mate and knock him flat. Tie him up with iron links. Roll him out and let it drink. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and cloves. Here's a trick to catch a brew. Pace the call up with some glue. Get them drunk on wine and rum. Sail away till morning comes. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and loaves. Here's a trick to catch a priest. Bring a virgin to a feast. Steal his clothing from the bed.
Slap his back and shake his head. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and glows. Here's a trick to catch a swab. Give his father to a mom. Wait until he's nice and flat. Pull him out and make a hat. Oh, home, there it goes, hooking up with salt and rose. Here's a trick to catch the watch, fill his tankard full of scotch. Show the captain, hear him fly. Cut the rope and let him fly. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and cloves.
Here's a trick to catch a wife, rob her mother of her life, hide until the crack of dawn, now we sing the wedding song. There it goes. Cook it up with salt and cloves. Here's a trick to catch a mate. Put some poison on his place. As he chokes, ignore his plea. Now there's more for you and me. There it goes. Cook it up with salt and... This episode featured Alistair Stewart as the captain of the Demeter and Karim Kronfly as Dracula. Dialogue editing by Steven Indrasano. Sound design by Tal Manir.
The song The Rat Catcher was written by Esther Ellis and performed by Stephen Inversano, Josh Rubino, Brad Colbrook, Newt Shuttlecotti, and Sivan Raz. Produced by Ella Watts and Pacific S. Obadiah. With executive producers Stephen Indrasano, Tal Manir, and Hannah Wright. A Bloody FM production. Here's a trick to catch a lift. Drink the crew up bit by bit. Watch the captain's final stand. Run away when ship makes land. Oh, there it goes. Cook it up with salt and cloves.