Beyond the Battlefield: A Navy SEAL’s Guide to Raising Good Men with Eric Davis

think about our country so if you look at our country like okay well what if that's what families were up to what if a family had a mother and a father that was using their passion to fulfill their purposes and then they were able to articulate all of the language and all of the frameworks that they used to do it to their children so that they can raise their children see who's you know what I'm talking about like that is a very powerful country that supersedes warfare and any

everything like that as far as I'm concerned because that is the core of human existence and that's what makes this country strong it feels like that is what has made the country strong the way and it feels like maybe that's a skill that is that is slipping through our fingers now and we need to get it back welcome back to the Raising Men podcast

Today's episode is a special one for me not just because of our guest but because his work is part of the very foundation of this show Eric Davis is a decorated US Navy seal a master sniper instructor and the best selling author of Raising Men Lessons Navy Seals Learned from their training and taught to their sons long before this podcast existed his book helped shape many of the principles we talk about on the show resilience clarity purpose discipline and the unshakable role fathers play

in developing strong and emotionally grounded young men this conversation gets to the core of why this podcast exists so let's get on to it Eric welcome to Raising Men

ah thank you glad to be here well let's dive right into it you know the reason that this podcast exists is because I believe that there's a masculinity crisis and um you I think came from the same place when you started writing your book of the same name and now you've got three daughters and one son but you decided to focus on raising men as opposed to just raising kids why did you do that

oh so that would have to come from what happened to myself and my father so when I was about 15 or 16 years old this story is in the book Raising Men as a matter of fact but I'd come downstairs in our house where we lived in Foster City it's up in the Bay Area and around the corner and my parents were waiting there for me and how the story goes is my dad goes hey I'm sick and I have to go to the hospital to get better and what had happened was he was suffering from like

some pretty severe mental illness I think they called it at the time clinical depression so there was some chemistry that was off uh and then he went into a series of treatments of electric shop shop therapy at Stanford and this was back you know in the 80s so it wasn't super uh kind yeah it wasn't that wasn't coming it was yeah not at all so for all intents and purposes I lost my father and my father was everything to me I was my father was the bishop of our church

he was the captain of our sheriff's department all I ever was gonna do was following his footsteps and when he got sick I at that age how I how I describe it is I was too young to be without a father but I was just old enough to know that I still needed one yeah and that sent me on a search and then I had an older brother who ended up being an addict I had a former father in law that was killed prematurely and um just as you go through life you know there's a male and a female role

when it comes to raising a kid and I started to feel the impacts of having lost that masculine role uh in my life really we're right at one of the most important times you know 15 16 that's when a father typically is gonna drop the hammer with some of your behavior right so that's how that's how it all started

wow that's fascinating now how you know would you agree with me that that that there's kind of a masculinity crisis going on well uh yeah it it is for this reason that I cannot go on social media without a very tight algorithm like I have to I gotta make sure it's very careful not notched down to a fun thing really really curate your feed with that yeah you really have to curate your feed otherwise you'll be driven mad oh yeah it it'll freak you out but yeah there definitely is um

there's a big problem with masculinity and the problem is is everybody's operating from an antiquated system so it's what I would describe as traditional masculinity and here's the problem the biggest problem it is a one size fits all kind of a deal so we have all these young men these boys on social media the messages that are getting fed to them

are all over the place and the masculine role models are the more masculine channels they're still operating with the old school stuff you know it's grow a beard hop in a chill you know what is it called an ice bath it's it's gun gun gun it's like this physical this physical uh presentation of man which is a totally legitimate form of masculinity back in a time where our primary role was protect hunt fight you know things like that and not that we don't still need that type of masculinity

but now the world has changed it's more competitive it's more dynamic and it requires a lot of creativity it requires a lot of ability to sit down and design so now we have young men who might find themselves in front of a computer or a video game and there's some negative things that can happen from that but there's some also very positive things that can happen from that they understand how to focus they know how to get into flow they can continuously create hour after hour

so now these kind of kids and probably a five you know probably a couple hundred other variations that don't fit that normal traditional masculinity they're left with no nothing to hold on to right if all they got is a bearded dude jacking a bunch of weights and jumping in a cold bathtub they're like well wait where do I go where's my masculine role model and I think that's a big reason a lot of these poor guys are left really questioning themselves in a way

that leaves them vulnerable to what's suggested on social media so it's a failed it's a failed um model not because it was broken but because the environment has changed and if you think about this this was something I Learned or yeah Learned not too long ago somebody was describing women as the ones who get to choose who procreates and it like blew my mind um because I know women will talk about not being empowered and and things like that but for me

I've always had tremendous amount of respect for women they've always been very powerful to me but I lost my father so my mother was everything to me yeah so my point there is if women are choosing who they lack of a better term breed with well now we're gonna start getting different breeds of young men they're going to be breeding with the creatives they're gonna be breeding with some of them who might be more sensitive and they need something to hold on to and that's what everything

the second book is the framework for what I would consider modern masculinity and everything I teach online all of my courses everything I do is geared towards that so how do you define a modern healthy masculinity so I'll speak it in well no here's how I would define it

the reason why I paused right there is I also believe this sentence would apply to femininity like feminine side sure except for well you'll see why so here's what I believe the role of a father is the role of a man I believe the role of a father is to learn how to use his passions to harmoniously fulfill and care for his personal financial and professional purposes so if you break that sentence down and I'll do it real quick and we dig in if you want

when I say use passion sometimes that's referred to if you're in the spiritual world they're gonna say it's your gifts some people will call it the talents but when I talk about passions which we can unpack but what I'm talking about is if you're inside of your passion you are living your authentic self

so now this is important so now matter what the young man or even a young group lady whatever they got going on if they're using passion as a guide then they know they're operating inside of their authentic self now here's the other part because we're in a competitive environment passion isn't something you get to do after you're already wealthy after you've already made it because it's competitive we need to be operating in passion because it's the only way we can produce the incomes

which are quite large nowadays that we require to survive now in the 30+ years of old age when we can no longer work so when I take passion into the fulfillment of purposes the whole how do we say it everything is now covered personal financial professional purposes and I say Harmon harmoniously care for those things and that's the other side of traditional masculinity what the male job used to be was sacrifice everything come home drink a beer ignore little Johnny and that was it

and now we see a bunch of father figures not able to compete so now they're living this lackluster life and then their sons and their daughters but then their sons can't look at them as the example it's called tertiary competitors now we have online we have people online who are polished and they've already been through the algorithm so the things they get to see is already passed the test of being interesting and engaging yeah so now they're now they end up following

kind of like a false prophet there so that would be my definition of modern masculinity using our passions to harmoniously care for all of our purposes and if you take that sentence you can't go wrong I love that formulation I absolutely love it and it and it it it it marries up masculinity and femininity in a way that I haven't really seen that done before it it it because that that does apply regardless of gender but it respects the differences in um in the individuals right

and I just absolutely love that formulation it's very very powerful thank you for sharing it yeah no absolutely and it does it doesn't only respects the the specific kind of human that person is it requires it so pulls them forward from all the muck all of the muck that they're getting surrounded if you give a young man then they start to lock onto a purpose purpose is powerful purpose is what allows you to say no to things

it clears everything up because you're like no that's my purpose this is where I'm going and then when we add the passion thing it's like OK all of the muck will start to fall away it takes a little bit of time and for fathers it takes you know probably a good year of study this is no small you know it's not like going into a martial arts studio and getting your black belt this is more like your GI suit so it it takes some work but the the the important thing I think

or the powerful thing for fathers and they don't realize this it's one of those things that it's like you put energy into your passion and your purpose well you start increasing your deployable levels of time and energy because it makes you more competitive um and again that's important because now they're available now they're living a good and healthy life to show their son so yes it does respect who the individual is but also requires it too you know in your in your book Raising Men

you talk about the lessons that that seals pass on to to their sons or or

or you talk about the lessons that you got from your seal training that you are attempting to pass on to your son what are some of the top two or three lessons that every father can apply whether or not they have a military background I'm I'm sure that not everybody needs to tie their uh their son's hands and feet and throw them into the deep end of a pool no not at all but I'll start with that um so I've had some some comments or feedback about some of the things they talk about in the book

uh my favorite story is my son was sharing there there's a story about him not doing his homework and his skateboard got smashed against a rock he got he got with his PlayStation in the pool during winter and California is not super cold but it was a cold and he had to go in and get it there's and one of his friends was like uh I think that's abuse yeah I remember those stories I think they're they're delightful stories yeah but but here's what I just jumped

the dog pile on that we were talking about the time that the thing

the kids it there's a whole bunch of behavior science I I I had a Belgian Malinois I trained her to be a Protection dog um it was from Mike Ruddlin's pipeline um and I Learned so much there so I think one of the most important things a parent can do is understand behavior science and and I do talk it's like tongue in cheek when I say raise your kid like a dog um but if you've ever been around dog trainers they're crazy I mean they have spreadsheets that measure their

that will assess the level of joy that their treat right that their reward I'm like good Lord that you guys are nutty but I appreciate it because now I can learn from you so you know tying their feet things like that what's important to understand is that that was all within their limits right I was their coach I was their trainer I was their father I know how far I can go before they get scared I know you're or scared being scared is OK and because you can build courage with some fear

but I know if I go too far that

that fear will stick right we'll lose the opportunity to produce courage and will produce trauma um so from a context of behavior science and really understanding your kid and the way you really understand them for me is to be outdoors and doing a lot of kind of adventure athlete stuff nothing as extreme as people think it's just like for instance I was just with my grandkids and I threw a climbing rope over a tree put him in I had to tie the harness

I think they called a ranger seat and I chucked him you know he's swinging from the tree but you know people like oh you know dangling your grandkid or your son from a tree and tossing him that's extreme but you know what really it's not it's more safe than a swing it's just cooler that you know what I mean it's much cooler yeah and you get to see how they react I love that yeah I uh you know it seems to me that that much of seal training and a lot of what you talk about in Raising Men is

it revolves around developing resilience

and so first of all would you agree with that and second of all how do you develop resilience in training and how did that how does that translate into your parenting style so when we're talking about resilience um we also have to talk about perseverance at the same time and here's what I mean so when we're persevering that's basically sustained effort right despite difficulty or failure persevering by its nature means we're going to get tired and a little bit beat up

so we gotta start there because then when we go to resilience well what is resilience resilience is the ability either maintain and or restore your capacity to take action so perseverance could be us getting after something and right and we get worn out and tired and then resilience is to be able to recover from that and come back the next day as strong or stronger yeah so if you just take that definition and break it down and I would encourage this for all parents as well

like all of these words we kind of throw around and use look it up chat GPT it however you do start to really understand these words and pull them apart so how do we form resilience well we have to understand

that we're trying to maintain our capacity or recover so like in seal training you start to learn things like you run they run you in soft sand a lot I don't know if you've ever ran in soft sand I have I used to play beach volleyball so did a lot of running in soft sand it's about three times as difficult as running normally oh yeah for sure and then if you become aware that you're running it soft sand rather than the hard pack then it gets five times and you're like wait

look into it the more you pay attention to it the harder it gets right yeah so maintaining so there's little things a lot of there's something called you're not cheating you're not trying and there's all kinds of context for that in seal training but like these are things like when I would run in soft sand I would look for maybe a tire track or I would look for where somebody else foot ahead of me already struck right because I'm resilient but part of resilience is maintaining my ability to act

going out on the boats they put us in these IBS inflatable boats small that's how the Navy names some things sometimes out in waves right and guys got paddles and they're not necessarily they didn't necessarily grow up as surfing so resilience might mean maintaining not getting the paddle wrapped around your head by bailing before guys start flailing with their paddles whatever it is there's obstacle courses where the logs roll right again resilience is not getting hurt

not falling off with things so maintenance is a big piece of resilience and resilience is a skill it's not some trait it's not something we're born with yeah now here's the most interesting thing about resilience I think when you're talking about seal training I was a corpsman in the Navy which means I was their medic I was a corpsman in Marine reconnaissance that is their special operations now I believe they're that's all connected to Special Forces as well so I had a lot of experience um

and the instructors knew that so I was seeing and treating guys in my buds class which is seal basic seal training and um fully treating uh like I said ton of experience and one of the most interesting things I noticed was uh secret kind of crafty how about this uh maybe the word would be clandestine um okay covert covert covert way they would quit and how they would quit is they would not recover meaning they wouldn't take the motrin they wouldn't do the the physical therapy

they wouldn't do the the uh contrast baths the massage the ice rubs like you name it they wouldn't do it and at the time it blew me away and then I really it was not really until I got into the world of business and entrepreneurship that I started to see other people do it in different ways um and what that means is they're gonna run themselves into the ground um so that they don't have to continue because in seal training they're very careful not to run you into the ground

because once you run a human body into the ground they can't keep going so they want to keep you going

so resilience has a whole lot to it's a skill set and you're maintaining your capacity and you're making sure that you recover you you've got this great scene in the book where you talk about the mental aspect of resilience there and you you describe a situation where I and this is my recollection it's been a little while since I read this passage but um it was early in the morning and it was cold and you were looking out at the sea and you were you knew that you were about to have to go

for a long swim and because you had been a surfer and because you you were you were jazzed up about it you were looking forward to it almost I mean it was gonna be unpleasant physically but you were you your mental state was one of excitement and your compadre next to you ended up getting so much anxiety looking at that and feeling like anticipating the the horribleness of it that he ended up tapping out right then and there he couldn't he couldn't take it

and he decided to quit before it even got before they even got in the water and and that's that that's an example of of what you're talking about for me and it's a beautiful scene in that book I thought yeah I it's it's my um I'm probably most known for that kind of thinking um and again if we're talking about resilience there's you know 80 guys on the beach who are having to deal with the mental trauma of getting back in the cold water there was two of us

myself and a gentleman named Chris Campbell um he passed away in Team 6 amazing guy there's two of us that would kind of joke you know make fun of the other guys um and that's a great example of maintaining our capacity that's part of resilience during third phase we were out in the island the entire time we're out there for a month the entire time I would we get up early and that's jeez you go through Hell Week everything like that you think it's the Pinnacle then you realize like nope

Hell Week was just to get you used to what's about to happen to you for the next four months right and then wow the island is a 30 day culmination of that kind of thing so it's rough but every morning I was like hey guys I thought I think this instructors were drinking last night I think we're good we're not even gonna PT this morning so don't even sweat it and there's a guys that would get on board with me and again we're being resilient cause we're not dealing with any of that trauma

that's about to ensue that's about to occur I I don't know what to say and I I don't I is it a Mark Twain thing but like half the worries are most of our worries are things that are never gonna happen um so just take it protects your brain and it's part of that maintaining your capacity yeah I heard a quote one time and I love the way that they put it and and I I wish I knew what the source was but it is uh don't borrow suffering from the future yeah amen yeah yeah yeah I amen

I noticed in the in the book you use a lot of outdoor challenges and extreme environments you know we we joked about tying your

your kids up and throwing them in the water but and you use those as metaphors for life uh how can ordinary parents integrate those lessons into their daily life so first we have to have intention another way we can describe intention is a purpose for what we're doing um I've heard you refer to this as a clear end state yeah yes my my good friend Larry Yatch described it as a clear end state like what is it we're trying to produce so like with kids for instance

um we might be thinking about things like confidence courage um respect like those are three things so first thing with parents is like I said before you know words are powerful look them up hold your own disposition so you can describe it to your kid over and over and over again for 20+ years before they're like oh geez dad that was a I don't know then they tell you what it is I'm like dude

I yeah I told you that 10 years ago but first you have to have intention and the intention needs to also include yourself so um you know people with parenting be like it's not about you it's about the kids I'm like uh uh it's about all of us right so for me I'm an outdoor guy I like outdoor adventure I like those kind of activities so I'm going to use those as tools to produce courage respect responsibility whatever it is now I will say this about it being the only dad doing some things

like that also helps because if we look at look at the marketplace that we business right value importance utility and worth but one of the key components of value besides that is scarcity so I inherently like the outdoors and doing these adventurous things but there's all kinds of things that could be adventurous and aspirational and inspiring to your kids so have an intention and one of those intentions is to show up

to produce identity with your kids as the father because when we have identity people listen and people follow us yeah I I I love that you kind of have two clear instates there right you have your own um you have a clear you have your own clear state of what your parenting mission is and what your unique value proposition if you want to use business speak to it is and all that but then you have you're teaching your boys how to define clear and states for themselves also

and that's ultimately I mean ultimately what's your job what what's your job as as as a parent your job is to make sure that your boy has the skills and capability and mental resilience to thrive and that's it and so what you know what else is there other than okay well have a clear instate and then fight like hell to make it happen yep and then you center everything on that like we talked about the beginning when I was talking about traditional masculinity versus modern that's the end state

learn how to use your passions to fulfill harmoniously care for all of your purposes same thing now that conversation as you as you right that drives everything else well okay we do need perseverance we do need um resilience we do need courage we need respect we need responsibility I like all of these things start to they all not only do they all start to show up because they're required but they all start to take on meaning also and that's another thing now if you think about a human

when I say use your passion that means be your authentic self when I say hormones to fulfill your purposes that means living a good life right cause when you don't care for your personal financial professional purposes you've got breakdowns now the reason I bring that up again is one I'll repeat that left and right because it is what I want to stay focused on for everything I do but the other reasons it's important too is think about a human that's going to trigger their survival mechanism

it that might not be the first time but if it's like well that guy is out there using his passion to care for all of his purposes that's how you survive cause we're autopoietic means we self select survival and it's another part of pulling them in is another part of attracting your children and other people into your leadership to your authority to whatever it is you're doing and I don't mean authority like I'm going to control anyone I mean authority like hey

this is what's allowed this is what's forbidden if you want to use your passion to fulfill your purpose how do you think about rights of passage

you know what role do rights of passage play in turning boys into men and how can we it feels like that's one of the institutions that is crumbling how do we recreate those in today's culture yeah um how I started to address that was something called seal pups uh and I wish I had done more of it even and I wish I was still doing it although now the grandkids I think another lap but right's a passage let's talk about a tribe so my definition of a brotherhood if I'm talking to men or a tribe

if I'm just keeping it general is a group of two or more people that protect automate and accelerate the current and future situation of each member now that's a lot of word but when I say when I say situation I mean using your passion to fulfill your purposes that's a try these are people that protect accelerate and make it possible yeah so now write the passage like we're typically looking at warriors and I've seen some attempts I think of filling in the blanks there uh are you know

doing it outside of a combat unit or any any unit that is facing life or death circumstances and I from what little I've seen of it they they miss the Mark uh because an important part to a write a passage I believe is that it's a high stakes game

that is a matter of life or death um and what you're doing is very serious very serious and I don't think that many fathers or men take themselves that seriously in their own life and I don't think they take themselves that seriously in the lives of others either so when we're talking rights of passage we're talking bringing up our young men um and there's a female version of that too but bringing up our young men to be um how would I say it like a Jordan Peterson would describe it

being dangerous being powerful in their minds right to to be capable to be able to uh care for people to care for others to be very important and I think it's incredibly important for a young man to transition through that so that they do take themselves extremely serious and seriously in their lives in the lives of others yeah I I I like that formulation and I mean one of the one of the things that I'm um

that I'm loving so much about this conversation is how precise you are and you you spoke in the very beginning about the importance of language and the importance of understanding the definitions of things and then you're so clear and so precise about what do I mean by uh what do I mean by tribe what do I mean by brotherhood what do I mean by by uh uh by masculinity and you're very clear and you're very uh you're very precise about it and it's a definition that that OK

now we can work now now we know what the thing is we're not just waving our hands at it but we're we're we're moving forward and I love that it is such a powerful it's such a powerful reflex and I think it's worth putting a pin in that and and and saying that that is a really important thing yeah I appreciate that

and that would be also an example of how seriously I take it now it's not like I'm running around like you know like getting after my kids like I'm a very laid I mean I grew up a surfer skater I'm very laid back but it's like make no mistake if you watch me do something I'm doing something for a very specific purpose um with intention even if I'm just taking a nap it's what you know I mean there's a purpose going on there because it's tied to the it's tied to my purposes

and that stuff is life or death it really it if you don't get those things handled then it really is you suffer cause other people to suffer and die early it is it is a big deal and it's a big not only a big deal for the individual think about our country so if you look at our country like okay well what if that's what families were up to what if a family had a mother and a father that was using their passion to fulfill their purposes and then they were able to articulate all of the language

and all of the frameworks that they used to do it to their children so that they can raise their children so you know what I'm talking about like that is a very powerful country that is that is to me that like that supersedes warfare and any everything like that as far as I'm concerned because that is the core of human existence and that's what makes this country strong yeah

it it it feels like that is what has made the country strong the way and it feels like maybe that's a skill that is that is slipping through our fingers now and we need to get it back it absolutely is because guys are getting hammered in the marketplace yeah it's more competitive it's more dynamic they're using old school strategies that were built during this fourth industrial revolution where the whole idea was to work hard work hard work hard right in the factory 12 hours hustle hustle hustle

and that culture is not going to cut it anymore and and that and it is why we have to have a strategy that is designed for the current environment we are in because mothers and fathers don't have the time they don't have the energy they're cooked just trying to pay the bills don't not even to mention the 30+ years of old age

when they're not gonna be able to work so it's a very very important that's a really it's a really challenging thing to identify and maintain your purpose in everything you do I've been thinking about that and trying to figure out to what extent that I that that I apply that in my own life and and or have or have not and I'm realizing that I'm I'm feeling I'm feeling resistance to it and the resistance is it makes me feel like I don't ever get to have any fun then right I always have to be

I always have to be working towards something but that's not the way it works it like I having fun is can can be done with purpose as well right yeah so it's always interesting and I probably have to figure out a way to say it better at the beginning'cause I'm always surprised when somebody doesn't ask me how do I figure out my purposes like it's an interesting phenomenon but the word purpose and passion I mean you mentioned my language and precision hey Ford don't think those words

I haven't figured those ones out so let's talk about that real quick what is purpose purpose is to know the 50+ parts of your professional financial and personal life that you were created to care for that's what a purpose is and to understand what the positive impacts of that thing being cared for look like and what the negative impacts of that thing not being cared for look like that way we know if we're on par right and then we need to design or find the strategy to fulfill those purposes

now here's what people don't understand if I were to tell you like okay I hear what are the 50 things there's about 20+ professional there's about six or so financial kind of depending on how you put it and there's about a dozen personal and what happens is our professional side takes up what we do is we start like men we start with our professional side our career first and then what happens is we try to stuff our personal side into whatever time energy creativity

and currency that thing left over and it falls short yeah so when I talk about purpose I it's not the I get it right remember what I said even when I'm taking a nap yeah right all that is is me putting habits in place

that make sure I'm performing at my highest but inside of our personal purpose that's things like personal I mean excuse me spirituality that's friendship yes finances brotherhood or sisterhood fun and adventure career right how we work membership helping others like these are all good things so I don't how do I say this like how you establish your purpose is you I we I teach people using a mind map and they map those things out and what they're doing is the what I call a linguistic filter

what they're doing is becoming aware like oh I have a purpose where I'm supposed to have fun and adventure because it makes me more creative it puts me into flow it relaxes me it allows me to be resilient right like these things are important so okay

well I can't just white knuckle my way into to adventure and fun right so when we define those things it's just like this um when I would be overseas um and somebody get upset with me like why are you always worried about somebody potentially attacking us I'm like I'm not worried about it I was just trained at nauseam to identify these things so I'm just going around these things are showing up for me no different than a photographer walking through a forest and noticing the lighting

and the mist you know what I mean all the things that they would notice so all purposes is identifying these things and basically memorizing them and there's only a dozen and it and then what happens all of our time and energy starts to align with those things and when you have those things cared for we build powers it's not this what people get it maybe cause I'm intense or so precise but I'm precise because if I align people's actions right and efforts with that

their life's gonna get real real good yeah and I I think it's not even like you have to you're you're you're creating this they already exist you're just identifying them your purpose is already there you're out there living it but what you're what you're not doing is living it purposefully and you're not having conscious awareness of

that's what your purpose is and so you're kind of fuzzy about it you're to to to use another term uh that that you bring up in your world you're chasing the ball right you're you're you're you you you don't know where the ball is and so you're just kind of like shooting around it and but by going through this exercise and by identifying those things then you can have conscious awareness of them and you can realize ah yeah that's why I'm taking a nap right now

or that's why I'm deciding to play video games or that's why I'm deciding to buckle down and work till 2 in the morning today yep yeah yeah and now everything has meaning we're no longer distracted right like all of your time and energy is 100% invested all day every day right it's always doing something might be sitting on a dresser your money or whatever it is but like we'll always point it out the things that if we get right make our lives really good and if we prevent them from breaking down

how's our life not hurt right that that's all I'm talking about here and it's just not that part of the drill um but it's but it's not it's not doing nothing okay

like how many people how many people out there want to build a harmoniously care for all parts of their life so that they can live a good and dignified life or how many people want their passions to do it everybody everybody right anyone in yeah anyone in the right mind like okay do it and then people like you said you're like oh I'm like resistant to it that sounds like hard like I'm locked in all the time no you're not I work like four hours a day I run workout like two hours a day

I go to the wind tunnel I surf I climb like it's not but why because I paid attention to my purposes and I just put my energy into caring for them and then I got and I realized like oh if I'm working much more than four or five hours a day on my professional side I'm not gonna be able to care for my personal side and with that realization guess what I designed my business to care for my personal side so it's just a shift in mindset really yeah that is such a and

and you end up wasting so much less time because everything you're always rowing in the direction of the end goal yeah and yes here's the thing too those those purposes they are either going to create or destroy your ability to live a good life they're gonna they don't just sit still either they're out there operating anyway so yeah I'm merely suggesting since they're already out there in play why don't we just identify them you know get the language in our brain so we can notice them

and then move in a way that aligns them and have them work together very well it's it's not it's like I don't know how to describe it's less effort than a semester of college but it's not that much you know what I mean but it's not but it's not a little it's you know we are talking about mastering life yeah um but yeah so I could very you could see as my students I'm like why didn't you finish this assignment you don't know what you're missing it's like right

it's everything what are you afraid of yeah now I like to finish up these conversations

by putting people on the spot with the with the same question give me one good operating principle that you think every parent listening should know about raising sons with excellence um tell me what when you say operating principle tell me what you mean by that yeah just like what is uh you know uh what is a good um a good rule of thumb to live by or or um you you know just something to keep in mind as uh as you're trying to define or decide what kind of parent you wanna be or what kind of uh

or what kind of interaction you wanna have with your with your boy gotcha so if we're gonna have one it's gonna it'll sound cliche if you don't know what to do with it but if you're gonna have one it's leading from the front

here's what I mean by that cause I don't want it to become a cliche my grandfather was in the FBI my father was a sheriff he was a bishop a spiritual man all these things they both weren't you know they both checked out early right my life still continued based off of what I observed as a very young child right they LED from the front so if we're gonna do anything uh we need to be somebody that they would aspire to be as well or at least not exact right

that's why we have the whole passion thing go no no my purposes are gonna be a little different my passions how I purposes what we're to get done passions are how we do it they can have that variation but it's like live a good life live the there is live a good life um that's the operating principle because if you're living a good life they'll be able to follow that eventually I mean doesn't happen right away sometimes they have to go get hammered made in the marketplace first yeah

that's it leave from the front I mean that I don't mean be the first one across the finish line anything like that I mean

live a good intentional life so that they can see that I think that is a really really powerful sentiment Eric thank you so much for spending the time with me and sharing your wisdom and thank you all for listening you can find more of Eric Davis's work including his uh his books including Raising Men and his training programs and community at Eric Davis two one five dot com and on Instagram at Eric underscore Davis 2 1 5 Eric thanks again and and thanks for being part of Raising Men yeah

thank you thanks and all of you remember you are a great parent

raising men is produced by Phil Hernandez this episode was edited by Ralph Tolentino