Hello beautiful humans, and welcome to the Mental Wellness Wake Up Show, a weekly podcast where growthminded, creative people come to learn best practices from both spirituality and psychology that create lasting wellbeing. I am your host, mental Wellness expert, improvised acting teacher, therapist, and coach Dawn McMillan. Let's get to it. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to the podcast. If you are here for the first time, thank you for coming. I want to let you know that we
are in the middle of a series. We're exploring the eniagram ENNEAGR AM. It is a personality typing program. It is a wisdom system. It is marvelous. So please go back and listen to the very first set of anagram episodes that we did so you can just catch up and be right on on task with the rest of us. Okay. Awesome. Yay. All right, so to review and there are nine personality types.
We have group them in groups of three and currently we are in the heart slash feelings zone with anyograms 2-3 and four. So we are wrapping up today with the Anyogram 4. Now I have to do a little confession because I have a lot of Enniogram fours in my life and I am black and I am Irish and there are. Two groups of people that mock
because they love. So if you hear me being a little ridiculous and a little irreverent about our beloved Enniogram fours, please know that it comes from a place of adoration. Seriously, I mock because I love. OK, so let's move in to the Enniogram 4. And remember we are doing this exploration not to box ourselves in, but to break ourselves free. Knowing what your inclinations are gives you information to choose to choose how you want to be and who you want to be.
And just because we have a primary archetype or Anyogram type that we fall into doesn't mean we're limited to that. We are all everything, and we want to borrow the best from each, an aagram type, and integrate it into ourselves so that we become more enriched and enriching. OK, so please forgive the flipping around of papers, because that's just how it's going to be.
And here we go. An eogram for all right so an eogram for the individualist, the artist, the romantic, the melancholic, the aesthete, the tragic victim, the special one. Fours at their best are warm, compassionate, introspective, expressive, creative, intuitive, supportive, refined. Fours at that. Their worst are depressed, self-conscious, guilt ridden, moralistic, withdrawn, stubborn,
Moody, self absorbed. Fours are motivated, motivated by the need to experience their feelings and to be understood, to search for the meaning of life and to avoid being ordinary. There are two groups of of people. Who are often really mad at the Anya gram. When they first find out what they are, they tend to. Be twos and fours Anya Gram twos, as the helper tends to get really angry when someone implies that they're helping is a form of manipulation, right?
That that'll make it too mad. And Anya gram force tends to get bad that there's a type Anya Gram force really do not want to be ordinary. They do not want to be ordinary. All right, so let's dig into the anyogram 4 As you recall, 2 threes and fours are the feeling center. They are motivated by their emotions and often are struggling with shame at the core. So anyogram fours deal with all of this by marinating in their
feelings. They marinate in them and Anyogram 4 that I know and love will occasionally literally lie down on the floor listening to dust in the wind. And if you don't know what that song is, stop. Go listen to it. So the Enneagram force basic fear is of having no identity and no personal significance. Let that sink in for a second. It's like being a nobody or being like everybody, which is the same in their minds as being
a nobody. So the basic desire of an Enneagram for to find themselves and their significance, to create an identity out of their inner experience, their super ego message. And you remember, the Super ego is like the conscience. It's the Freudian language of super ego, ego and ID. Where your super ego is your conscience, your rules. Hey little girl you are that. I'm talking to a dog. In case you're wondering, your
ego is your personality. And then your ID is going to be those instinctual subconscious urges and drives. So the Super ego message for any Agram fours is you are good or okay if you are true to yourself. If you are true to yourself, here's a quote. Here's a quote that sort of typifies in any AGRAM 4. And this is from the Rizzo Hudson book. I collapse when I'm out in the world. I've had a trail of relationship disasters. I have hated my sister's goodness and hated goodness in
general. I went years without joy in my life, just pretending to smile because real smiles would not come to me. I have had constant longing for whatever I cannot have. My longings can never become fulfilled because I now realize that I am attached to the longing and not to any specific end results. So one of the challenges that any of Graham fours have is that they often feel like they are on the outside, pressing their their noses and hands against the glass.
And real life, good life, joyful life is inside the glass and they are outsiders who can never be inside. So let's dig in a little bit more. So there are 9 levels that Riso Hudson identify as different levels of emotional maturity with NAA gram types. So let's dig into the NAA Gram 4. So oh wait, did I do? I did. OK, sorry, I've been interrupted a few times.
By various creatures and I'm losing track of which iteration we're on. And the dogs just opened the door so I don't know if the background noise is is louder. I live with very loud beings but I digress. Level 9 and Agram 4 would would be presenting as despairing and life denying the realization that they have wasted their lives. Pursuing futile fantasies is too
much for unhealthy force. They may attempt to elicit rescue through self-destructive behavior or simply end their lives to escape their negative self consciousness. In some cases they may commit crimes of passion. So this is someone who's deeply wounded and deeply out of touch with their own well-being and their own inner light.
So moving up to the level 8 and any agram for who's operating at an unhealthy 8 level would present as self rejecting, clinically depressed force, have become so desperate to be the individual of their fantasies that they hate everything about themselves that does not correspond to it. They loathe themselves and hate others for failing to save them. They may sabotage whatever good is left in their lives. Self rejecting and clinically depressed.
So one of the vulnerabilities that all forests have is that feeling things so very very deeply. OK, moving up level 7. So as we say moving up please hear the air quotes. We're just talking about being more emotionally skillful and and more what's the word self realized? More self actualized. So level 7 unhealthy anagram 4 May present as hateful and alienated fours fear that they are wasting their lives and this
may be true. To save their self-image, they reject everyone and everything that does not support their view of themselves or their emotional demands. They're repressed rage results in depression, apathy and constant fatigue. Self disclosure moment. So my anyogram type is anyogram 5 with A4 wing. We're not talking about wings just yet, but it's one way of understanding. So you have your main type and you can kind of lean towards the anyogram types to either side of
that. So you could be A5 wing 4 or A5 wing 6. So as A5. Wing wing 4I often have experienced some of these kinds of four tendencies, and one of them is when I'm really not my best self is that constant fatigue, That constant fatigue like that inner sabotage. Where's a person out?
So I fully relate to that. But as we move out of this lower low vibe, less emotionally healthy version of the Anyagram fours, we move up to level 6. At level 6, which is in the range of average, we can consider or we might notice Anyagrams as presenting as self indulgent or decadent. Fours fear that life demands will force them to give up their dreams and they despair that they will never be rescued.
They feel they are missing out on life and envy the stability of others, so they exempt themselves from the rules, becoming sensual, pretentious and unproductive. So I have a few people in my world who would not self identify as hedonists, but I would identify them as hedonists. They're very much pleasure first
personality types. So there's a there's a sense of really leaning into the the sensuality of things in a escapist way, not in a a vibrant sort of self expressed way, that sensual, pretentious and unproductive way. So moving up level 5, at this level, our NA Gram 4 is going to present a self absorbed and temperamental fours, worry that others will not recognize or appreciate them and their
uniqueness. So they play hard to get testing others to see if they are really interested in them, aloof, selfconscious and melancholy. They believe that their fragility will attract A rescuer and keep others away. So there's something about the stereotypical artist that you may be hearing a hint of you know they're they're sulking in some sort of way. You know they're being unapproachable. I'm I'm imagining someone in a in a beret in a fake French accent kind of a thing aloof
selfconscious and melancholy. And they kind of test people like they they give them the the hard to get routine to see if they'll fight through in order to actually be with them. So moving up a level 4, so a level 4 Anneagram 4 would present as romanticizing and individualistic force begin to fear that they're changing feelings will not sustain them and their creativity. So they use their imaginations to prolong and intensify their moods.
They use fantasy and style to bolster their individuality and begin to dream of someone who will rescue them. So this can be it's that that it's that what I what I refer to as marinating. Hold on please. OK, so when we talk about about fours using their imaginations to prolong and intensify their moods, we're really talking about that tendency to marinate in them. It's that desire to be creative, to be really in touch with their
essence. And if the feeling feels too fleeting, they're going to find some way to recreate it, to cling on to it, in order to have that, that, that creative, that creative fuel of intense feelings. OK, so now we're moving up to the 1-2 and three, the healthy levels of a well nourished well integrated level 4. So to Level 3, not a level 4, excuse me, Anyagram 4. So to Level 3, the Anyagram four person is going to present as self revealing and creative. There's a reason this type is
called the artist, right? And it's not necessarily painters. You know, it's going to be someone who lives their life artistically, even if they are not necessarily in an artistic profession. You know, you think about the very stylish person in your insurance office and that person is probably in the new year gram four or three. But I digress. We don't want to diagnose other people. Here we go. Fours reinforce their self-image by expressing their individuality through creative
action. They are eloquent and subtle, exploring their feelings and impressions and finding ways of sharing them with others. Their creativity is highly personal, but often has universal implications.
So if you think of a writer or an actor or a good storyteller or you know, even like whatever whatever the artistic expression might turn out to be, whether it's cooking, whatever it is that this Level 3, that's healthy, Niagram 4 type is going to be able to take what's inside of them and share it with people outside of them in a way that's very relatable.
It's really beautiful. OK, Level 2A, Level 2, Niagram 4 is going to present as introspective and sensitive Four's focus on their own feelings and preferences to establish a clear sense of personal identity. Their self-image is I am sensitive, different, and
selfaware. So this is going to be someone who's really defined as a sensitive, selfaware creative person, and they're still going to have that quality of being able to, to some degree or another, take their insides and put them on their outsides in a relatable way. And then we get to a level one healthy 4. So this person is going to be a very well integrated anagram for type and remember talking about types and we're not boxing ourselves in. It's going.
This person is going to present as life embracing, life enhancing and I love the sound of that. For is let go of the belief that they are more flawed than others and are thus freed from their self absorption, absorption. Their basic desire to find themselves and their significance is also achieved unless their problems with our identity and its stability are solved. They are self renewing, redemptive and revelatory.
So one of the dark sides, one of the shadows of the aneogram 4 really is this deep sense of being uniquely broken. So remember, twos, threes and fours are heart centers, are feeling oriented. Individuals are negotiating a deep sense of shame. So at the bottom of the way of force oriented to the world is this sense of being uniquely, profoundly, unlike anyone else anywhere, and therefore flawed in an inexpressible, unfixable way.
And so one of the ways that force can become more integrated and more whole and more in touch with their true inner cells is to let go of the sense of being unique by virtue of being uniquely flawed. One of the challenges I sometimes have as a therapist is there's something called covert narcissism and a covert narcissism who thinks thinks
they're the worst. So grandiose narcissists are like, I'm the best, I'm the greatest, I'm the most I'm, I'm the the the bee's knees, cats, meals, monkeys. But I don't know, I'm making stuff up now. Whereas a covert narcissist, it's like no one is as pathetic as I. No one has suffered as much as I am. No one, no matter what happens,
I will never be okay, right. So that is the weakness of the of all of us, of course, but that is the particular weakness of people who are oscillating as an anagram for archetype. So when you start to realize that you are not, not only are you not broken, but you're not uniquely broken. Fours like of the belief that they are more flawed than others and are freed from their self absorption. So there's no need to create uniqueness through suffering or problems. Yeah.
So fours like to be special. It's really important to them to be special. So we're talking about with any AGRAM threes they want to be admired. Any AGRAM twos really want to be liked. Any AGRAM fours really want to be special. So it's really hard sometimes for any agram fours when they realize that there are people like them, you know, they'll
have a special interest. And then someone else will have that special interest and it'll hurt their feelings that they're not cool or unique in that way anymore. So one way to start to get a little out of the weaknesses of the NAA gram four and start to get into the into the strengths of the four is to stop taking yourself so, so seriously you want to lean into sort of that NAA Gram one sensibility.
You want to engage with reality through meaningful actions, by committing yourself to principles, to make a contribution to the world. Not by savoring your feelings, but by doing things that matter, living according to your values instead of your moods. So if you can sort of grasp that that delicious anagram one sense of principle as an Enneagram for, that'll help lift you up out of that self referential.
My feelings are the only things that matter to behaving according to my values, and my principles matters. So that's one way to to get out of the shadow side of the four and into the healthy, vibrant, luscious, creative, special, unique wondrousness that is an Enneagram for. Here's a wonderful quote. It is true of us all, whatever our work, that we are artists, so long as we are alive to the concreteness of the moment and do not use it to some other
purpose. MC Richards, So I'm sharing with you out of the Riso Hudson book. So it's called The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson. And also the Enneagram Made Easy from Renee Baron and Elizabeth Owageli Wugil. I don't know how to pronounce your name. Elizabeth. Sorry for that. So remember, we're talking about people who are warm, compassionate, introspective, expressive, creative, intuitive, supportive, refined. Yeah, any agram fours really feel their feelings.
So if you have any AGRAM 4 in your life and I I have plenty. They really do feel things very, very deeply. I'm not saying that the rest of us don't. I'm saying that an aagram force just have a unique relationship
to their feelings. They sometimes just want to savor them so let them you know you don't want your annagram for to like get into a deep depression But if someone if you are on an aagram for and you have that I feel like crying playlist feel like crying playlist is awesome do it do it. Just remember that feelings are not facts. They're real but not true. And feeling something isn't the
same as doing something. The Enneagram 4 call to arms is to be in action, to feel the feelings and express the feelings in a way that aligns with your values. OK. Yeah, Enneagram. Fours are so lovely. Like I said, I I have many of them in my life and I myself have a have a four wing, so I definitely have. I have my playlist of Woe is me. That I love. That I love to just indulge in sometimes. I also love to indulge in my happy moods too. So there's that.
So with that, we will sign off from Anyogram 4, and I want to invite us all to ask that question. How can I get in touch with my authentic feelings and use them to fuel my creativity? How can I really and truly feel my feelings and allow them to fuel my creativity? Well, we're going to start getting into the head thinking types 5-6 and seven, and that's especially good advice for the for the thinking types, right? Get out of your head, into your
heart, into your body. Feel those feelings, allow them to process. Keep it moving. Go out and mix something. All right. So you, dear, dear, dear one, You're amazing. You're wonderful. You have so many gifts, and you've only just begun to Plumb the surface of them. And the whole world is a better place because you are here in this moment and we are grateful for you. And you and my beloved human friend are worthy and deserving of A life is so glorious it transcends even your own
imagination. Until next time, I am so honored that you share time with me. If you've listened this far, then something here was of value to you. Would you please be a friend of the podcast and share it with at least one other person? The podcast is available on most platforms including YouTube, and I need your help to get the word out. So please, like, subscribe and share. And a five star review on iTunes would be Chef's Kiss. Thank you so much. See you next time.