Hello, beautiful humans and welcome to the mental Wellness. Wake up, show a weekly podcast where growth minded creative people, come to learn, best practices from both spirituality and psychology that create lasting well-being. I am your host mental Wellness, expert improvised acting teacher therapist and Coach, Don McMillan. Let's get to it. It. So what I want to talk about today are two magic words that
will change your life. So many of us are beset with all kinds of little inconveniences, the slings and arrows of Outrageous, Fortune and I have a recipe for how to make it better. But before we get into that, I just want to say thank you so much for being here. Thank you for spending time on the podcast. Thank you for reaching out to me. Thank you for sharing the podcast with other people.
Thank you for even listening to the podcast with other people and then talking about it. How amazing is that? So, thank you very, very, very, very much. I'm so delighted that you're here. I love this weekly conversation that we are having and I am honored that you choose to participate. Okay? So magic words to change your life. Well, in what? Guard what I'm talking about is all of those little things that
just get on our nerves. I was in a my bathroom the other day and it was cold, it was super cold and it was annoying. Had been cold for a lot and I would like to clarify that it's definitely not the kind of cold that other people are suffering from really just enough to make me uncomfortable and get tired of wearing fuzzy socks and a hoodie. While I'm inside. So that's what we're talking
about. I was cold my college, but bathroom, it's called the water coming out of the tap is cold and I start this litany in my brain of Oz. Terrible. Hate this, why do I have to put up with this? And, or is it so cold? Never have experienced about that, or like that? What about sitting in traffic? Oh my God, I can't believe people drive like this. What is wrong with them? Use your turn signal, or Step on the one on the right people? We got to keep it moving or oh my God.
That guy drives like a crazy person. What is wrong with people? Or that one world leader, really like, oh my God, that man is a complete psychopath. Anyone, who would support that person is obviously also a psychopath, who would do that or you read the comments on the internet. Ever read the comments, it'll fry your brain. So one of the reasons I think we have an uptick in mental health disorders it's because we've lost her ability to tolerate discomfort.
What do I mean by that? Well we're very used to instant gratification we go to load and app and it takes one point two seconds instead of the normal half a second and we get frustrated, we have some sort of Hungary. Press a button and 20 minutes later. It's delivered to our doors. We are not used to being uncomfortable and we've been programmed to think that we should be happy all of the time. And for a lot of us, happy Means comfortable. Nothing on my body is
inconvenienced in any way. I'm going to perfect, right? Temperature. My stomach is a perfect, right? Amount of fullness, my bank account has the perfect right amount of numbers in it. We're really Ali quite attached and addicted to our Creature Comforts. And so when we encounter a situation that might trigger some kind of discomfort, we avoid it, we medicate it, we run screaming in the other direction on war, We complain loudly, whether it's loudly within our own heads or loudly to other
people. This should be to my preferences that shouldn't be the way that it is. This is wrong. I don't like this, I'm uncomfortable, I was doing a process with a client recently and sometimes it's helpful to do the worst case scenario so I started working her through it. Okay. If this happens. Well what's the worst that can happen? Well, then this would happen. And finally we got to the bottom of her chain and her response was well then I would feel bad. Uh-huh.
And what's bad about that? Well, I would feel bad. Okay, You would feel bad. That's not fatal, that's unpleasant, but it's something that you can live with. If you're willing to, in order to get all of the games that you think that you would get for making that decision.
So that just really pointed out for me that because we think that, if we're not feeling great all the time, we're doing something wrong, or if the temperature or the fabric, or the traffic or The weather isn't exactly to our liking. It's terrible and I can't stand it.
Some of the cognitive errors that are uncovered, in cognitive behavioral therapy, rational emotive, behavioral therapy, these cognitive distortions, cognitive errors, stinkin Thinkin, whatever you want to call it really relate to black and white thinking, it's either really good or it's bad catastrophizing. I stubbed my toe and that's horrible and awful and I can't stand it.
And now my whole day is ruined, or Full lising as another way that we talk about it or the just World fantasy or the just World fallacy, rather. I did the right thing. There for everything should be working out for me. We've lost our ability to tolerate distress with some personality disorders. That's a big chunk of the work, learn to be dysregulated, learn to accept that. Sometimes your emotions are a little all over the place and you don't have to do anything about them.
If you're starting to feel a little anxious, you don't necessarily have to do anything about it. You don't have to stop what you're doing. You don't have to take a pill. You don't have to do anything, except notice and accept, and acknowledge that you are a little distressed. Same thing with depression or other uncomfortable physical or emotional Sensations. Sometimes the answer is to accept them.
Notice that there are present and accept them and then continue to choose what it is. That is worth choosing. So what are the two magic words that I want to share with you? Okay little fine. Print do not weaponize this against other people. A grade so, the two magic words are So, what? yeah, so what Went into the bathroom like, oh my God, it's cold. So what I don't like it so what be cold, right?
It's 5 minutes. 5 minutes don't you know, wash my hands and face and move on five minutes and being moderately cold. So what there's a lot of traffic right now. So what all my traffic it makes me stressed out. So what so what sometimes you're uncomfortable. So what? I remember listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast a gazillion years ago, and the guy was a chess champion or a NATO, NATO seal, Navy SEAL, or some such.
And he said that one of the ways that his people learn to overcome Difficult circumstances is by saying and that's how I like it. Wow, this water is really cold and that's how I like it. That's the brain hack, right? Instead of all, this water is really cold and I can't stand it and it's awful and I shouldn't have to put up with this. And oh, what was me? And I now, let me just like, run around and boil water and do something to fix it.
I completed my tasks much more simply and easily and quickly by just going. So at it's a little uncomfortable. So what? It's raining and you might get mud on your shoes. So what? So what now, the reason I said don't weaponize, this is because you can easily get become callous towards yourself or others. Yeah. My significant other beats me every time I come in the house. So what? No, no, no, no. That's not what it's used for.
But it's used for is to stop yourself from complaining about things that are not important or a really not that bad. There are things that are actually terrible. Most of the things in our lives that we react and resist and complain about are not. They are not the rice at the restaurant is a little crunchy and you prefer moist and sticky.
So what, so what eat it or send it back, there's no reason to lose your your Equanimity over at, there's no reason to be upset and cry and complain and all my whole night is run because the rice wasn't cooked. And how about some, what? The rice wasn't good. So what I ate it is fine. I sent it back. That's fine. I enjoyed everything else on my plate. That's fine. So those are my two magic words for you. So what if the? So what is, well, this isn't a violation of my human rights.
Then do something about it. If the, so what is this is a contradiction to my values. Then do something about it but if the so what is I'm uncomfortable, Well, you could do something about it or you can just accept that.
Sometimes people are uncomfortable, the world does not always cater to your comfort and there are things that are more important than Comfort. If you think about the devotion of parents to a newborn child, they are not comfortable, but they decide that nurturing this new life is more important than their comfort. We can do that, and then we're regular basis. Temperature in your cup. Isn't the of your cup isn't the way you like it.
So what it really Harkens back to the Serenity Prayer, accept it, or change it and if you don't choose to accept something or change it, You suffer. That's really are the only three choices except it, change it or suffer and whenever you're complaining you are suffering and you are maybe bonding with someone else who's listening to you. Like it's bringing you closer as you guys complain together, but you're bonding over suffering. Wondering if we can make a
different choice. So what maybe lean into accepting things? Maybe lean into. I can be a little uncomfortable and still accomplish the tasks that are important to me. I don't have to reaction early, avoid anything. I don't have to reaction airily seek to change something. The moment, it doesn't go exactly the way I want it to. So that's it two magic words. This change your life, use it. Kindly So what, so what, so what the latest Marvel movie isn't to your liking, so what?
So what and with that, thank you for being here. I'm very curious to see what you think about this episode. Yeah. And you don't want to know something else though that I think is important to remember truly. Is that you are whole perfect and complete just as you are. So if life delivers you a little discomfort that doesn't change, that doesn't make you any less whole doesn't make you any. Less perfect doesn't make you any less complete. It doesn't make the moment.
Any less worth being fully present too. Just means you're a little uncomfortable, it's temporary and do you can handle it. You absolutely can. And while you're out there handling your business. You are creating a life that feels worth living. And you deserve a life. That is so beautiful and amazing. You do you really really do, all right, keep being fabulous, and I will see you next time.