S4 E48 - 'Hit the SPOTLight' with Quinn creator Lux

These are like two separate worlds for me. So yeah, I guess the main thing that's different is I get to have fun and get into character and write scripts and edit things and make sounds and uh, you know, promote stuff. And I have a you know, small Patreon community that that is really just cheering me on most of the time, and and we're just having fun. So I think that's the big thing. And and the time

that I put into this. Obviously, I have to make time in my in my life for this particular thing, and that was very daunting at first because I was I was just thinking, like how, how my how am I supposed to do this with everything else I've got going on. So it's a nice it's a nice creative outlet for me to get out there and be lucks.

because I was learning everything. So I remember staying up till maybe like two in the morning, three in the morning editing things in order to submit them because I've got work the next morning and I don't have time to do it then, you know, But I've I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot, I gotten a lot

faster quicker at the whole process. And I've learned, you know, the times of day, or I've learned to read myself because I I've what I've realized is I don't I release things on a consistent basis on Quinn, but I don't produce them like in that in that I don't know how I say it, like every week, like I'm not as creative every single week, And there are there are weeks when I'm just like, oh, yeah, let's do this.

I could do two three different things and and set myself up so that I don't show up to the booth with a script or whatever, and I'm just like, I'm just not feeling it, Like I'm just exhausted, I'm tired, and I don't want to do it because I think that's that's one of the pitfalls where you start getting

into burnout, the burnout phase of things. So I've just really learned to kind of read myself and take better care of myself over over the last few years, just to recognize the rhythms of creativity that I that I have myself in honor.

that's why it's worked. That's why I can I can do this late at night because I'm like, I'm tired of dealing with all the other things that I do, and I get to just like sit in my little booth and pretend to be something else for a little bit, you know. And yeah, and edit that and and be and be creative and just be with myself in that process.

just in my ears. No one knows I'm listening to this, and it's it was fun at first and just like out of curiosity, and then I started realizing, oh, this is kind of interesting because I kind of I'm listening to people say things that are very sometimes I make you feel things, and I guess I wasn't expecting that, you know, at first, I was just curious about listening to I don't know, this sort of taboo thing that like I didn't want anyone to know I was listening

to it. But you know, I listened to people do scripts and they're writing their own stories and getting creative or even funny, and I was like, oh, wow, this is really cool. Eventually, you know, there was a bunch of like male voices too, and I was like I'm curious to know what they are doing and like how does this work? And I listened to a few and it was like, Okay, this is weird. Like I don't

I don't know about this. This is weird. After a while, I was like, I feel like I could probably do this. I didn't immediately jump into it. I think a few years back, like during COVID and everything, I was looking into possibly doing audio book narration, and so I recorded a few samples of audio put it out there to see if I would get anything back. And like the only offers I got back were for like narrating like

audio erotica stuff, and I was like, that's weird. I don't think I want to do that, Like I got to put my name on that, and like that's I don't know if I want to do that yet. And I think Quinn had started right around at the same time, and I had looked at their application stuff because I was curious, and yeah, it was kind of like over the years, it's just kind of like this thing that was snowballing, and eventually at some point I just decided, Hey, I'm just gonna try this out and make sort of

these spicy audio things and see what happens. And eventually I landed in TikTok and Instagram back then, and I connected with a few people, a scriptwriter and Alice and we did a little collab and then I had another scriptwriter that wanted to work with me and I did I just script by them, and it ended up being the script phil that I used as my audition for Quinn. So I applied and I submitted that and they liked it and they were like, come on board, like we

want you. So it happened. It seemed to happen very quickly, but it was this thing that had been snowballing for years for me, and so when I finally got there, I was just kind of shocked that I got in, and I was scared because I'm like, these guys are like they're they're big, they're like big names, and like everyone's talking to them. They're they're they're amazing, and they

put out so much content. And it took me about a month to do that that script bill because I had like audio editing stuff that I needed to learn to do. I had like music I had to find on Beyonce things. I remember spending like three days trying to figure out how to make it sound like when you go inside a room when music's playing outside and you close the door and it's just a muffled sound.

How the hell do I do this? And I was working on like free software, and I had like a beat up MIC, and I managed to pull it off. But then but then I realized that took me a month. I don't think audio in a week, are you serious? So, you know, it was it was a wild ride to

get to that point. I had had a little bit of experience working at a small radio station when I was in college, and I, you know, I knew the basics of like audio reinforcement and recording, but it's it's it had been a while, and and software is has changed so much and like everything, so I just had a lot to learn in a very short amount of time, and just so much imposter syndrome at the beginning. So yeah, it was it was. I looking back, I'm like, I

can't believe I'm still here. I can't believe I made it here. This is all It's been a lot. I'm I'm I'm excited about it and I love it, But it was it was really daunting at first, where.

like how that sounds. That's because then people started saying it and I'm like, oh, no, like that doesn't sound I don't like that. I think we need to shorten it. Maybe we can do LUs. And and then we went with Lux, and I just I like the idea of lux, and you know, it means light and and just I I just level everything about it. So I stuck with it. And when I went on to Quinn, I just I told them, yeah, let's just let's just do Lux. And that's when it really solidified.

felt repressed for me. So I would have never believed anyone if they told me that I would be doing this, Like I would be like, you're out of your mind, Like I don't know what you're like, what are you saying?

Because it's just been so it's so different, and it's opened me up and it's made me reflect on things in my own life and I've been able to sort of make peace with things like religious trauma or things that happened in my past that shouldn't have happened, and just I don't know, I feel like I've discovered this whole other side of being a human being. Yeah, and it's it's been incredible and it's been I'm really grateful

for the experience. My partner I and I, Lady Lux and I, we talk a lot about, you know, things, and she'll she'll bring up things like, yeah, like you should never be able to like freely talk about some of the things we now talk about just and it's and it's normal, and we've had sort of this, We've gone into this habit of just talking about sex in a way that is very just like eye opening and and free, and I just I just feel so much

lighter about so many things and accepting, you know, accepting myself, accepting where I'm at. And I didn't expect so much healing to come from this.

just repressing so much of it. So coming into this space and being able to begin to explore and allow this sort of emotional awareness to develop and grow and to the point where I can really express it has been really amazing. I know that you know, as an anonymous creator, obviously you don't see me, but like that made it a little easier at first to be able to show those emotions and to express those emotions in

audio that I wasn't able to do that before. And obviously that kind of bleeds into the rest of my life because I'm like, oh, I am able to do this. I am able to begin to recognize the things that I'm feeling and to communicate them. And in terms of like community. The one thing that I am grateful for growing up was that, you know, I grew up. I grew up with sisters, so I knew how the world

was different for them compared to me. There was like the double standards and everything, and I grew up observing it and being close to them and talking to them. I always sort of knew I was I wasn't really quite fitting the typical male like like ideal for the you know, the environment I grew up in, so I

always felt insecure about about things. But being now in in this community, I think I've just learned to listen and to kind of see and learn about women's experiences through what they share and they talk about and with my partner and there's just there's just so much to learn. And I have just learned so much about what women have to deal with on a daily basis that growing up a male, I didn't realize, Oh, I never had

to think about those things. I never had to think about, you know, whether or not someone was looking at me a certain way, or was thinking about doing something, you know, like behind my back, or like simply just like you know, asking you to smile, like like you know, it's like I've become so disappointed with so much, so many things, so many things in society that have just never been challenged, and things that are protected that shouldn't be protected versus

the people who should be and it's just there's so much there. But I've just always been an open minded person, and that means that I've also been open minded to the fact that maybe I don't know all things, you know, and there's space to learn, and I have learned. I've learned so much. I've I feel like I'm not the same person I was when I started this, Like I'm wow,

I'm different. I feel it. I feel it even in like the way that I approach the mic on a weekly basis when I'm thinking about what I'm going to do, it is if I can say it is. It has become this thing that is almost I'm very passionate about the things that I do. And there's almost like there's almost a spiritual aspect to yeah to creativity for me, and I'm connecting to something and I'm channeling it. I've

been more aware. I've become more aware of the feelings and the things that people are going that are experiencing around me. And in a lot of ways, I feel like I kind of just kind of hone in to sort of this almost like collective cloud of like feeling and I and I try to work from there. I think my best work comes from those moments. I don't always get it right, but I do have sort of this desire I guess to speak to like the core

of what we may be feeling electively. I don't always do it, but I feel like I do tend to like gravitate towards that approach, and I think that's why. I think that's why I've made it this far, because I always want to do something that's meaningful, and sometimes it's fun to just be spicy and be hilarious, of course,

wild and silly, and that's cool, that's really creative. But I think that really drives me is that that idea that I could actually speak to something that really matters, that is going to be impactful beyond the entertainment aspect of audio erotica. And I feel like that's really me

and it's been it's been interesting. It's led me to feel scripts that tell stories that are very different, and sometimes I'm like doing it, I'm like, do I really want to do this because it's just like it's almost kind of sad and I don't know if like this even belongs in this space. And so I've taken, you know, I've taken some sort of creative risks, and I've just learned to kind of trust my gut on these things and just know that, you know, not not everyone's gonna

love everything I do, and that's that's okay. That's part of being creative. But but yeah, just just doing those new things or different things or things that maybe are unexpected in this space are is kind of in my niche. That's if I can, if I can say that, do.

moving me forward? How is it changing me? But my male friends they were already a little different because I was already a little different then I feel like I feel like the conversations we have are very they become more open in terms of sex because guys never talk about like sex in a way that women talk about sex. They're not as as open about their sex lives. It's

it's a it's a real like vulnerable feeling. I think for for a lot of guys to talk to other men about their sex lives, like oh, something weird happening with their partner or like those are not things they typically share, but you know, now with my with my close friends, like we will we will talk about those things. We will talk about like you know, how how are you dealing like with intimacy and like how do you feel about you know, the like how do you feel

about your sex life? Like what are some of the things that maybe you've like repressed because like I've repressed so much here like that's so weird, or like what do you think about you know, how how can we be better at listening at like protecting because it almost feels like there's so much stuff happening, There's so many bad things in the world, Like how how do we how do we counter that in a way that is that is helpful because sometimes it does feel like there's

so few of us that actually care. So it's it's gotten, it's gotten to that. And I think that having a partner has really helped throughout the process of this and the conversations that I have with her are you know, like some things I just don't even know about. Like she brought up the whole thing with this website I'm sure you've heard about, and I had, I had no idea. I was like what, She's like, yeah, like I'm sure, I'm like I have what are you talking about right now?

She's like everyone's talking about like I don't know what like, and it came as such a shock to me. Yeah, and it's just like, okay, how do we I mean I think growing up, I would see, you know, like as like maybe a teenager or even younger, like the way that boys talked about girls and like the things that they would say about them behind their back, and

I would feel uncomfortable. I didn't exactly know what to do about it or how, you know, Like I was also trying to fit in and like I was always kind of like this the weird kid, and so like it was just weird, Like I already felt at that point like something's wrong and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know who to talk to

about it. And now it's like, oh no, like I just I just need to be like, you know, like how would I react if this was like my partner, Like like it's just like anger, Like this's just all this anger that would come out, And it's like how do we how do we confront and how do we talk to people about things that we see that are they're just not good? How do we bring it up? How do we confront them in a way that doesn't just like have them ignore us and continue to do

whatever the you know the hell they are doing. How do we actually make them see like this is not okay. So it's it's a continuing conversation that I continue to have with with a lady Lux and with my with my friends, and it's something that it's like every time that we talk about it, I'm like I uncover something else and I'm like, Yeah, that shouldn't have happened. That shouldn't happen. That shouldn't have happened to you when you

were that age. That shouldn't have happened to me. When I was that age, like, and there's so many things that I just like, we were just having a conversation today, like, oh, like I was just telling her, like something that happened to me when I was like much younger, and she's like, yeah, that shouldn't have happened. I'm like, you know, what's weird. I never thought of that. That never crossed my mind.

And there's so many of those things, and you know, like, how how are we setting up the world in society for those that come after us, for those that are younger that us, for those that are actually growing up right now. Yeah, I feel I feel a certain sense of responsibility to do better.

it made me scared. Yeah, it made me scared. And then it made me just like angry because I feel like there's it's just been a barrage of things too much at one time. You know, it's a content everything is falling apart, and like I think for me, everything

has just been sort of deconstructed. Yea, And yes, you know it started with you know, these these really traditional beliefs I held at one point and and that that you know, I kind of broke through that and now it's like I just feel I was telling her today, I just feel like everything, like all of these things that we've taken for granted about how society works and and just everything is gone. I don't know what's why.

I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I just I feel like maybe I'm just starting to beginning to understand, to begin to understand the world, and I don't like it. I just don't like it. How can I bring good things to the world? And how can I bring good things to people who are nearby? Like like what people I actually interact with every day, because everyone's going through

this at the same time. And really, the the real effect I have is in the people that I see every day, the people that I talk to every day, like the people who live next door to me. How how can we how can we bring good to the world despite so much crap that that we deal with on every and on every day basis. So that's been sort of my focus, and I try to bring that into the space of audio erotica, which sometimes it's weird

because it's like are you erotica? It's like supposed to be really spicy and exciting, and then sometimes it's like, well, here I am reading we need the Pooh on Patreon because you know it's really soothing, and maybe like doing some like sleep aid stuff and like maybe just having fun because just I've realized just that being creative is sort of a rebellion for me against all the shit that I got deal with, because there have been weeks when I'm just like I can't I can't sit down

and be creative right now, Like I feel so so much like like what's the point.

real refreshing to hear. I mean you can just hear it every everything that you're saying that you know you're you're doing the work on yourself. You're doing the work like Smudge said with like having a small conversations lead to big change. It's like the more we can do for ourselves that we then impact our partners and our communities and our and it just keeps growing out and out.

That when when the world feels like it does now, that's all we can do is like it feels like joy is resistant, you know, creativity as resistance, all those kinds of things. So I think I'm god. I mean, I'm really hopeful for the path you're on and hope more.

now than I was before. Before I'd never thought of those things. I never thought, oh, she might actually perceive me as like maybe maybe it's a threat or maybe like the way I speak or the way I move, Like I don't know what people's experiences have been in their past, and I I have such I've had such a great like privilege to not have to worry, like I don't worry about someone coming in the room, Like

I don't feel threatened. I don't feel like scared. I've never thought like they're looking at me a certain way. I'd never thought like there's so many things that now I consider that I never thought of before, And I'm

just like wow. I remember when, like growing up, it was like, oh, consent is a thing like you can ask and if they say yes and they're they're enthusiastic about it, then it's then it's then it's yes, you know, like no means no. For me, it was it was just this thing that it made sense to me, but I realized for a lot of people it just they never really saw it in a way that might have might that could be sexy, that could just be part of the entire but the part of the experience that

could enhance the experience, uh, you know, instead of like this thing of like, oh, it's going to kill the vibe, you know, like what are we gonna do? I'm like, well, if you're worried about that, then fuck you dude. Like it's like it's like if you're not in amfortable, then why the Yeah, it's like why are you doing it?

So yeah, I think all those things are really important, and I think it's opened It's opened a conversation up, and for me it's been it's been interesting because also it's allowed me to open that conversation up with other men that I interact with that I am friends with, because sometimes they're curious about it, like you know what, so, like you're still doing that thing? Like you know, it's like yeah, because I told a few of them and and it's like so, so like are you still are

you still doing that? Like yeah, Like they're like, so, so, what's it? What's it like? Like you know, how do you feel like, is it is it weird? Like and I'm like, no, dude, Like it's so different than than what you probably imagined. Like there, it's there's so much to it, and there's so there's so much positive to it that that you just I don't think you could imagine.

So I tell them about about things, the things that I'm learning and things that i'm I'm working through and things that I'm you know, experiencing, and it's it's fun and some of them get it, some of them some of them maybe kind of don't because they're just not in I don't know.

and or even you know. For me, what's been interesting is feeling scripts and noticing how, for example, like arguments are written are like or like apologizing for something, and I'm like, oh, oh okay, that's that. That's actually really helpful, and like like I'm learning from the scripts, I'm learning how these dynamics, and so I'm also learning as I'm

performing things. I'm like, oh, okay, like this is good, or maybe something is familiar, like maybe I've had a conversation like that before and it's like, oh, this went a completely different way and I can see how. I can see how and why and how people perceive things differently. And I guess that's another thing that's kind of nerve wrecking about doing voice acting work, is like, you know, when you write something, someone might read it and they

perceive it based on their lived experience. They come with their lived experience to the script or the story, and like they interpret it through their own eyes, through their own experience, and sometimes it's completely different. Like I came

at it and I was just completely having fun. It was just something that maybe I normally say, and I just said it, and you might experience it a certain way because of the things that you've experienced through your life, and maybe you're open to that particular emotion in a safe space where it's like it's just you and your headphones and you hear it and you take it in, rather than having someone you know immediately in front of you or someone you're actually in a relationship with and

you hear these things. And yeah, So there's just so much what I like to call magic that happens between me at the mic and a listener with their headphones in their context.

imagine it to be. It's going to be a little different. I also do some where it's just completely improvised, and then those I think, I think it's just when I feel it, and then I feel it, I feel it and I know and it's done. Those are probably the easiest in that sense, but once I submit it, I think the imposter syndrome is so much higher for completely improv stuff than that. I'm just like, oh my god, I can't believe I just submitted that. So yeah, it's

it's I guess, I don't. It depends on the project, and it just depends on where I'm at mentally and in the space.

different kind. It's like a different kind of love for the work. I think my approach has been to focus more on the work. You know. I started on like TikTok and like Instagram, and so I realized that at some point like these things are taking more time away from me and my energy that I want to put into creating these things and actually putting the work out

and like growing. And so I've actually sort of just reduced my my media presence, my social media presence to just TikTok and Patreon, and I use the rest of the time to actually unplug's. That's become sort of something that I've I've gotten an habit of I've gotten a habit of picking up a book and just reading, and

I don't want to be out with my phone. I just want to just sit down and not do ten things at the same time because I'm so like everywhere, so scatterbrained, and so I've learned to like I need to sit down and go outside and not have anything playing and allow my brain to be creative in ways that maybe have nothing to do with audio erotica, so that when I get into it, like I'm fresh and

I'm refreshed and I can jump into things. Another thing with social media I had to back off from it was just there's so much shit online and it's like and like I can't open up my phone and just be hit with things. It's almost like they've taken away our ability to choose what we want to see and what we expose ourselves to, and they're just like throwing things at us, and it's like no, no, I can't

do that anymore. I also want to stay informed. So it's like this weird like balance I have to strike. But I know myself and I know how sensitive I am to things, and I don't want that to carry into my work because I want my work to be something that is positive, and I want to be able to get into the booth and be like be here, be present, because this these are the things that I can actually control.

like I am a sensitive sponge. It's incredibly empathetic, and it's it's a heavy road to carry, and so I have to just protect my piece and I'm gonna find out what's going on, of course, But like you said, look when you when you go in the booth and create, Like I believe when any artist creates anything, whether it's an audio in here, whether it's a book that they write or piece of music, the energy with which you

create that is also communicated to the end user. So I can appreciate wanting to go into the booth with energy that's not toxic from social media. Yeah, and more clear, because that's that's gonna come across the audio.

think that's that's the biggest thing for me. Like we're human, we have feelings, we are not like these super human people or these celebrities, Like we deal with shit day in and day out. We do so much other things that are just like you. Everyone is. I think, you know, everyone has like this intrinsic value. But like, I don't want to be put on a pedestal because it's it's just not good. It's just not good for us as vas. It's not good for listeners or the audiences to put

us in a certain pedestal. I grew up being put on a pedestal, and I just do not want it as well. So we I appreciate, you know, anonymity, and I appreciate the respect that I've received from the community, and I want to also give that respect as well to my audience who have been very generous in supporting

me and just you know, listening and being fun. You know, like if I were just saying, I say it a lot like take care of yourselves, because you know, I know a lot of us are constantly online, and it's like it's so easy to ignore the things that you actually do need in your life and I don't know, fill it up with other things that take up your time. I have become very aware of that in my own life, and so I just I guess I just want to

share that with people. I've always just wanted to be a source of inspiration and a source of something good in the world. And what we each of us does affects other people that we might not even know. And so I think that's helped me to commit myself to like improving me. I think if we if we want to change things, you got to change ourselves. And mm hmmm, that's sometimes the most the hardest thing to do, right, Like.

go too over the top with them. They're mostly grounded, slice of life scenarios that feel honest and real. I never fully lose the awareness that they're scripted, but I can still easily and comfortably place myself in those scenes and forget the world for a few minutes. There's beauty and quiet moments and everyday routines, and he really seems to understand that.

that was really incredible. And it was also for me a moment of learning to accept that side of myself. Not that I necessarily rejected it, but I mean I am I am a son of immigrants in the United States, and growing up, Spanish was just not something you wanted to speak in public or at school or you know. It was There's a certain warmth to it because it comes from the sense of home, but also it's something

that is looked down upon elsewhere. So just doing that, I wanted to do it because I knew that there would be people who would feel seen by it, but I also didn't I was scared because I was like, I don't know if I'm going to do this well

because I've never listened to Spanish audio. Eeronica, Like, there's certain things I don't know how to say, Like you know how to portray, but Yeah, it was really exciting and I was really like it was really nerve wrecking, but to see the feedback and the reception felt very almost kind of healing, like this is also part of who I am and it's good.

twelve thirteen. I don't know, for me, playing guitar feels It's like it's self soothing because I get to kind of just get into a flow state where I'm not thinking about things. I'm feeling things. And as someone who kind of always repressed emotions, to be able to express it in that way was just helpful. And there's also something very soothing about feeling like that, the vibration of the instrument on your body. Those are just things that I liked, and those that's what makes it my favorite

thing to do. So I don't have a particular thing that I always play. I like to play things, but I don't often go out of my way to learn something new, like a popular song or anything like that. To perform, it's usually just me sitting with the guitar or like feeling just the sound. Sometimes I'll just sit in the room, like with the lights off, like at night, and just like play in the dark. Like that's kind

of what I like to do. I did play in a few bands and I got that experience too, But my favorite and absolute favorite thing to do is is like shut the lights off, just shut the mind down and just like focus on sound. That's that's what I thought I would be doing. I thought I would become a musician. I thought this is what I was gonna do.

I didn't think I would be doing like audio erotica stuff, but I realized there there's sort of a crossover of like, you know, like really focusing on the emotion of things and allowing myself to flow in that.

for you, Like that's essentially what I'm doing. I'm gonna show up on your scream, I'm gonna play a tar for you, and I just play. And it's also because it's not something that I don't think a lot of people knew that I did. It's one of these funny things about me that I don't immediately share with people that I play guitar. I think a lady Lex didn't know I played guitar to like a long time after she like we met, and it was just something that I didn't want to like lead with and I just

decided I'm just gonna try this out. I think she was in the room when I started playing, and I was like, I think I'm going to record this, and she's like, yeah, go for it, and I just hit record and that the room was a little dark so you could just barely see me, and I'm I'm literally just playing around like I didn't get into a performance mode or anything. I just and even like the video is a little dark, you just see my hand. I didn't know how people would react to that.

most genuine to me because it's my lived experience. Bilingual communication with a partner in my context in the US is where I'm at, and it's the most genuine to me, So that's that's why.

was outright political. I wanted to make something that was very human and it was really it was really difficult for me to get into the creative headspace at that time, and I think that what helped me get there was just thinking, I'm just going to tell a story of things that we are actually experiencing and how people, real life, every day people are experiencing it, and how it's affecting

our lives. Because like it or not, it's happening, and it's happening to us, and it's happening in our communities, and I just want to invite you to walk in our shoes for about twenty minutes. And that was that because I didn't know how else to express it. I think that there is power in people being able to understand the experiences of others, even if it's not their own lived experience. I didn't want to take the route of arguing against something or just yelling and screaming about something.

I wanted to have you walk in our shoes. And so the story just surrounds a couple who are having these conversations that like everyday normal people that I knew were having, including myself, of like, hey, you know, so and so is really scared about this, and it's really they're really anxious about it, and they're afraid to leave their home even though they are they're fine, like they shouldn't be worried or scared about this happening to them,

but there's just so much fear and uncertainty around it. And you know, my partner in the audio asking me like, hey, like are you carrying your documentation with you? And I'm like, why the fuck do I need to carry documentation? Like I don't need to, Like I don't need to worry about this at all, and yet here we are worrying about it and and it's affecting us. And so that's

that's where it came from. But I also wanted to have that aspect of I guess for me, my culture is very like we can get through anything, and there's this aspect of we can we can joke about things, and we can have fun even in these moments of a complete uncertainty. And so that that's what that audio

kind of invites the listener into. And as it progresses, it it goes from like this nervous, anxious state to more of like, Okay, we're just gonna have time together and have fun and we're gonna get sexy with each other and like whatever, you know. And then I ended on a note of again kind of bringing it back to reality. There's a there's a there's a knock at the door, and then all of a sudden, we're back

to where we were at at the beginning. And it's just like I felt that I really needed to do that, And again, I didn't know how it would be received. I didn't know. I just don't know, you know, because it's such a divisive issue. I don't think it should be, but it is.

for me, but it. I guess we've learned to deal with it, to manage the anxieties and fears that maybe we grew up as kids and thinking like, oh my god, gosh, I'm going to get home from school one day, my parents are not going to be there. Those things that we sort of outgrew and we became adults, and now we see it happening to others. It still kind of

triggers this like fear. But uh, I think that's another reason why I've sort of focused on here, like here with myself here at home, here with like my actual like neighbor, like my neighborhood, my community, you know, the people who I actually talk to, And so you know, I don't say what I do or or what I'm working on on like the internet or social media or whatever,

like I don't you know, I want to. I guess, lead with action, and lead with love, and lead with understanding, and lead with this openness to change and to understanding other people and to understanding that people on both sides are human and that honoring that is It's something that requires a certain sense of courage and strength. And yeah,

there's there's a lot. I don't talk about this very often because it does reach very deep into who I am as a person, and I think that myself, as many others are, I hope hopeful still that that good can happen and that humans can remember that we are all on the same planet at the same time, and that we are sharing this world together. And it's like watching the Artemis Mission and then them, you know, like

shooting off to the moon and whatever. Like the most impressive thing for me was being able to look back on Earth and being like, we're all on this thing together, We're all experiencing tragic things. Why can't we just look beyond ourselves and yes, and just why, you know, and I want to continue to be optimistic and sometimes that's really difficult to do, but I do see the value in that. And I think that creativity is a rebellion

against this dystopian hopelessness that is so pervasive. And I don't want to I don't want to add more to that. I don't want to add any more toxicity to the It's just so much like, let's just not do that anymore. And I want to do something that is going to be healing, and obviously that begins with me and then words. So that's that's I don't even remember what the question was, but.

let me take care of you. I did ask you know, what are some like I like to have some like audience or listener feedback, Like what are some of the things that you would feel are really comforting that could be an audio erotica, and I just kind of took some of those ideas and ran with them. I read safer work things, I read poetry, I read books. I've been reading Winnie the Pooh, but I got to do all the voices and stuff, and some people really love that.

I've been working on getting some music recorded so I can I can post it there, so like I have things on TikTok to maybe like a minute long or thirty seconds or whatever, so I have like longer content on there. It's honestly, like I said, for me, it's it's a place where I get to go and be creative in maybe a little bit of a different way. There is there. There still are like you know, spicy audios on there, but it's not the only thing that

I do. So when I first started Patreon, I was so like intimidated by it because I'm like, I don't exactly how do you do this? I don't know what people are expecting, Like, I don't know. So yeah, I mean I think it's all just a lot of fun and I get to be kind of spontaneous and creative. We recently did a haiku writing challenge and I got to read everyone's Haiku's and it's just it's just fun. It's been a really great space. It's been really fun.

I enjoy I enjoy the little community there. So basically, like I don't I'm not posting like every day on social media, but I do go on Patreon and I try to like basically, that's my that's my space. I'll post photos of my pets and maybe coffee or what I'm writing that that week.

The people are so sweet in there, and like, yeah, it's just thinking guitar king. Oh my god, I love no, I just feel music deeply smudge.

and interactive and that's where most of that happens. And so if you do like the guitar playing, if you do like the poetry and the writing and the chaotic creativity, that's where it's at.

For now, this has been Caza. Your voice matters.