Kamala, Long Beach Pride graffiti, and questions from the community

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Good morning and welcome back to another episode of the Queer LBC Podcast. I'm your host, Nino. My pronouns are he, him. Thank you for asking. I have with me here my fabulous cohorts. Hello, it's Chelo Azul here, local Long Beach musician. My pronouns are he, him, and. Dr. Mikey here, your local licensed and practicing therapist for entertainment purposes only.

My pronouns are he, she, all of them. So what's the T, sis? The T is Today in Gay, Jeffrey Gibson exhibition at the Broad to explore being indigenous and gay. Today in homophobia, Long Beach Pride finds anti-LGBTQ plus graffiti near office. Also in homophobia, bullets with anti-gay slur found outside local LGBTQ plus center. That won't stop their pride fest.

Also in homophobia, everything's homophobic today. lawsuit seeks release of census data on sexual orientation and gender identity also in homophobia Scott Besant rages at Kamala Harris for not piquing Pete Buttigieg but says he wouldn't pick him either and also Ted Cruz is calling out Kamala Harris for her bigoted beliefs and not picking Pete Buttigieg as a running mate. And today in transphobia, Kamala, Kamala, Kamala, Kamala Harris expresses concerns over trans athletes in New Memoir.

Do any of you queens know about any of these things? Yeah, I heard that Kamala Harris was transphobic and saying that she doesn't believe trans athletes should compete with non-trans athletes. I think that's kind of ridiculous, considering that she lost her whole campaign on being allegedly for they them. Yeah, but she also wasn't standing up for them either.

I remember listening to her interview where she basically threw trans people under the bus, where she said, like, we just need to respect the laws. And you're like, well, what are the laws? Like, what do you mean we need to respect the laws regarding trans people? You know, it was very, like, one of those, like, politician weak, instead of saying, with your full chest, like, yeah, I support trans people and I'm here to protect all American citizens.

Yeah, I thought she was a very weak candidate the entire time, even though, yeah, I did have to vote for her, but she was very weak. Yeah. And, like, I find it that she's being very weak. And I think it's kind of funny that these Republicans are calling her out, even though they're stupid as fuck also. Also, she's, like, not in office. Yeah. Right? Like, why are y'all, like, still trying to talk now? Yeah. But also all these Republicans believe the same thing.

So, right. I mean, they're pointing out the hypocrisy, right? Because Dems are supposed to be pro trans and pro queer and gay. I mean, but they're not and they haven't been, you know, like the only reason why Barack Obama came out in support of gay marriage was because senile Joe Biden blurted it out on TV. Like that is literally the only reason. I'm sure there was no plan to say any of that shit. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's just so stupid, like, Maybe you could have won the election, Kamala, if you just were like more transphobic. For sure. I think they would. The whole Democrat Party would be on board with throwing trans people. Yeah. Like I seen it. We're seeing it with Gavin Newsom. Exactly. Yeah. We're seeing it with Kamala Harris. We're seeing it with even trans, trans, trans politicians themselves. Remember? Oh, yeah. A trans politician where she was like, oh,

I'm not even going to fight for bathroom stuff. I don't care. I'm not here for bathrooms. It's so true. And apparently in this article, it said the DNC didn't have a trans speaker and only mentioned trans issues once during the speech. And that's supposed to be where they demonstrate their platform.

Let's see. Anti-LGBTQ plus Senator Ted Cruz, who once said that being gay is a choice, so gay people shouldn't have the federal right to get married, is criticizing Kamala Harris for a revelation that she didn't pick out former Transportation Secretary Buttigieg as a running mate because she didn't think Americans would vote for a black woman running with a gay man for high office. Democrats are at their core racist. Cruz said about...

It's true, though. the matter of on his podcast verdict with ted cruz that's funny well he's trash anyway so nobody cares what he says yeah but also garbage yeah okay so despite her like i feel like.

She was wrong i feel like she could have won if she if she would have fucking went full woke and then like i have a fucking trans running mate like i feel like she could have won like that's the problem that was their problem was like they were just so weak obama she could have been an obama with the hope with like yeah i'm gonna do but like you were gonna lose anyways bitch well because they're they're moving towards center you know they're they're moving

towards being a centrist rather than leftist right so like it makes sense that she wouldn't pick budaj for that reason i mean i wouldn't have picked him for the reason that he's weak as fuck to begin with but not because he's gay yeah there's other problems yeah and i mean i don't think that she has to be completely homophobic to have that choice like she's trying to like play the game you know what i mean wait is she running again

no they were just saying that i think that when this past election when she was running oh like why didn't she but she's in the news right now because she just released a memoir so it's really highlighting i think it's highlighting a lot of the election time. A lot of her actual issues that are actually finally written down and fleshed out. Yeah, well... I think it's so interesting to like to have politicians that are like groundbreaking

in certain areas. But it's like at the end of the day, they're still serving the empire. And I don't really care to see a gay president ever. Like a gay president isn't going to be like, let me help trans people. Yeah. Yeah. And I also think like if you're not picking someone because of their sexuality, I think that highlights who your target audience is. Right. So they were targeting Republicans or Republicans they thought they could sway.

So if you're bringing in Republicans, then how does that make a safe space for queer people? Because these people are obviously after our rights. Like you're willing to forfeit your LGBTQ constituents to get like a bigger crowd, which I understand. But at the same time, it's like that you're willing to forfeit your constituents for a different crowd. And then what? And then we're supposed to do what? We're supposed to roll over and pretend like we either what?

Didn't notice it or we just don't care because we need to get a Democrat in office so they can do what? Continue to not help us like. Yeah. What is the point of that again? Like, I forget. The point is to make a lot of money. And so the Democrats, as soon as something big and scary happens, they message you. You get a text message that says, donate now. Your rights are in danger. And yet they aren't doing their job. They're just asking you for money.

I think you're right. I think that was the point. You're right.

So I don't see the point in voting for Kamala. I don't see the point in pushing her to the front or trying to remember her and buy her memoir and be like, oh the the past the other past that never was like girl bye she was also like a wee candidate and i'm tired of talking about kamala i'm sorry here to here first i'm tired of talking about kamala she should have ran for republican the republican party but i mean how is that non homophobic to just say like oh yeah like i don't think we can win

because everybody hates homos so like nah like I would have ran with you, based on like how much I think that you are like a unique like individual that like you're such a minority I would have ran with you because of that yeah that would have been cool imagine you'd be like bam black, southeast asian and a gay running mate let's go be like my Fijian non-binary running mate. I would push him to the front But no, I don't think we can win being the super minority.

Like, they swear Jasmine Crockett couldn't just take it if she had a trans running mate. Come on. Did y'all hear about the Long Beach LGBT Pride Center being targeted and graffitied? Oh, yeah. Sad. Sad to see that people are still graffitying like that, but ultimately paint over it.

Yeah i mean it's just like it's literally middle school behavior yeah why are we bringing attention to this i kind of yeah surveillance like really like someone can't just put on a mask and do it again like why are those resources going in that direction like we need to stop with the over surveillance of everything like that's not the trend we need to be going with i kind of felt like it was like why are we like black putting this on blast also it's kind of like this shit is

probably like so common that it's like dumb ass people just like put stupid shit and it does then they do and they do it with like not even like thinking fully about it either it's like people will just put up a nazi sign because they think it's funny yeah and so it's like i kind of feel like to put a big spotlight on it is kind of like. We're stronger than that. And we're stronger than somebody's tagging fag. Yeah. And I feel like the response should have just been immediately paint over it

and don't give it the time of day and just know it's going to happen again. Yeah. That Zionist Janice Hahn could have just showed up and painted over herself. She could have been like, we don't stand for this. And imagine what a Photoshop op is that opportunity right there of painting over hate.

Right. and then it's a rainbow and she gets a local long beach artist to paint the rainbow right you know you can write all of that and then you all that money instead now you're going to surveil and see who are the gays that are coming in and out of the center now exactly like they can't like people can't just hack into it and see who is coming in and out and now you're being tallied and now we know who are the trans people and now we know who are gays and now we know because

you're going to be what is it that's the next step is the the facial recognition like come on y'all really that's what we want yeah gays especially in the day and age when they're talking about. Institutionalization you're giving the face of the community away yeah i feel just to catch some taggers that wrote fags and stuff like that like i feel like yeah it's kind of like a big like, i am glad that they are so that the city was so fast to produce funds to i guess this.

Potentially like fight against homophobia i mean they did it in a weird way by like let's add cameras like that's what you need like you were saying like they could have paid like you could have just like paid like a regular painter to to refurbish the whole building and paint the whole give it a whole new paint job let alone like you said like paint an actual artist like a gay artist and paint a mural on the building not just the electrical box

but like two thousand and five hundred dollars to go to the security system like when you could have probably got a security system on amazon for 50 bucks right so i'm glad that they can allocate funds to the gays but also yeah like i mean i feel like if they want us to feel like protected and like stood by like they're saying like they should invest more money into the center as it is just in general to be like well the community does care about you not just some protection from thugs when they

want to tag a bit like the electrical box that's outside yeah like which the city should be paying to repaint anyways exactly but also you should have your own paint bucket ready with paint to just repaint it and there should be funding for a neighborhood watch like we need to stop instead of having cameras we should just be paying someone to walk around and keep the neighborhood safe.

Because literally like you could have just read you could have like tagger tags this at night no one sees it the sun comes up the first person who sees it is probably somebody who walks into the building yeah could have repainted it as soon as you saw it nobody else would have seen it but then you put it on blast now everybody has to know that people hate the lgbtq community yeah it's like you could have just fixed it yeah instead of

just like showing it off to everybody like we don't need to show it off i think it's also part of the like. You know, because the whole trend right now, because voting is coming up, is there's a huge trend and spike in the news and the media pushing hate and not saying that hate's not happening. It is happening. But it's very interesting that now it's happening at a higher. I mean, it's not happening higher. It's that the coverage is happening higher and higher of like places being vandalized,

people stealing, right? Like theft, stealing, attacks of gays, like attacks on gays. Like you're seeing like that. I think it's because it's like fear mongering to make us believe like, oh, things are really, really bad. Yeah, they are bad. But it's just like, they're always bad. Why are we now all of a sudden caring about it? Elections are coming up and they want to seem, Janice Hahn wants to seem like the hero of the gays.

Yeah. And yeah, I was going to mention that because I think that that's another piece of it is people now get a soundbite off of this.

Because i was reading this article it was it mentioned how rex richardson the mayor of long beach was like oh i want y'all know that you're safe and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah but he recently gave the key to a city to the police former police chief of long beach which falsely persecuted gay men for lewd conduct so like your shit is not matching so you know like make it makes sense you know like what the fuck that's not very friendly yeah yeah it's not that's i don't feel

safe giving your enemies the key to the fucking city. Because those are his friends. Yeah. And so, like, people get sound bites off of this and it makes them look good. And if you don't do the research, you don't know that they don't, they're not in our corner. Yeah. Money could have been allocated a lot more interestingly. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. But I think you're right about, like, increase in, like, reports or, like, news covering this.

Because something similar happened in in missouri where an lgbt center found bullets outside, yeah and it etched on the bullets one was died and the other was the word fag on it wow i don't know why they're like everybody's like etching things into the bullets now like that's new thing right yeah the first i heard of it was you know because of the the shooting recently Mm-hmm. Lame. Didn't Mangione's... Allegedly. Allegedly. Oh, it had something on there too, right? The, what is it?

The pose show? Oh, yeah. The pose. Which was like, okay. Allegedly, because obviously Luigi is innocent. Yeah. I think they're going to find him innocent. I hope so. Yeah. Free Luigi. Free Luigi, beautiful boy. For reals. Mm-hmm. For Luigi. Anyways, back to the place with the bullets.

Yes. What the fuck? Yeah. yeah that's scary and the the thing too is they're they're planning pride and where was that michigan no missouri missouri yeah springfield missouri so their pride was on the 27th and they said they were not going to cancel it so it just passed also i think that if we can if i see these nazis demonstrating with rifles why don't we have the dolls and the gays you know strutting around with the rifles,

like we need to start realizing and understanding the reality is that we're seeing a lot of this violence, like the, the, the, the gun violence. And I think. That, yes, we should like pass legislation to like help us, but also be realistic and start maybe training yourself and getting yourself familiar with for those who would like to or can or have that ability to. But I feel like we as in the queer community need to start defending ourselves.

Like we should look into what the Black Panther Party was doing. We need to look into organizing ourselves and, you know, and using our Second Amendment right. I don't think my fiance will let me have a gun. Well, you can train to use it still. Yeah, you don't necessarily have to. Yeah, you have to own one. But you should be familiar. Yeah. And you should be able to, like, be able to, at the end of the day, be able to defend yourself.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And here, around this area, they have the Lavender Guard, which is a queer defense community, which trains people how to use guns. That's cute. I have a cute name. Mm-hmm. I have a high-powered flashlight that I tend to blind my attacker with. That's good. There's technique where you don't have, where there's non-violent technique. Yeah. I mean, I think that's a reality our community needs to understand.

And not just our queer community, but just any community that is underrepresented, right? Latinos, Black people, right? Like, we need to know how to defend ourselves because the nation's coming after us, right? The powers that be are coming after us. So we have to be able to defend ourselves and the people around us. To be honest, I don't even know if I would even think to get the gun.

Because i do have like modes of like self-defense like i actually do and have given like all my friends like pepper spray and we all have it but i don't think any of us have like ever thought like reach for it or grab for it if like we're in a dangerous spot or because i have it in my car too and i like don't even think about it and then i also have like a literal baseball bat, that I like intend to use as protection but every time that anything is going

on like wild like I don't ever think to reach for it either so I don't know I just don't even know if I would even be in a headspace where like. If you're going to kill me, I'm going to reach for my gun or something. I don't think I would. I just don't have that. I think it's because you don't have the training. For instance, if you're constantly doing a training exercise, then your brain is preparing itself for when that moment has to come.

Because you're not necessarily always training with that bat to see what you're going to do with it. You know what I mean? Once in a while, you've got to take that bat out and swing it around and get your brain used to what it feels like to have it and to use it.

Yeah look at even or even just watching videos of like how to defend yourself with a bat on youtube just type it in how to find yourself with a bat and then you can visually see what people use and how the bodies move yeah yeah i mean a bat that visually is scary but also you got to know how to use a bat too which direction do you swing in what do you do how do you like you know do you want to like do you want to kill this

person or do you want to just break their their kneecap you You know, I break their leg. Yeah, because, yeah, I think you need to train and prepare for it. And also, like, accept the reality that one day you may have to defend yourself. Because what you have to do is you're going to have to have a different relationship with, like, your fight-flight response, right? You know, because, you know, fight-fight, fall and freeze, right?

So not everyone is comfortable or their mode is not fight, which would be very helpful, right? So you kind of have to prepare and psych yourself up and accept that reality of defending yourself and then that that can help you build, you know, towards that. Yeah. And then not everybody is a warrior and that's OK. So no, I understand that because not everybody there's different jobs and just know and understand. But I think that in general, everybody should be able to take care of themselves.

And I think that even just assisting a self-defense class is helping tremendously to be able to self-defense yourself. You know what I mean?

Like, if everybody can just self-defend themselves, then we're already in a better place. Yeah. Everyone can take care of their own. Little twinks. Yeah. Defend yourself, twink. Any other gay, any other topics? Any other things in your life? I'm re-watching the series, Interview with a Vampire, which I think is really gay. I really like it. A lot of gay vampire action happening. If you had to choose which vampire was the hottest, name him. Eloi.

Hands down. I don't know. I haven't seen it, so I don't even know. Maybe. No, it's the... Armand. Armand. Between Louis and Armand. I think both. I think yes, both. Yes. The answer is yes. But definitely watch it. It's very queer. I just found out news about an org that I work with. I work with this organization called the Queer Psychedelic Society. And we found out that the nuns from the Sisterhood of Perpetualant Indulgence picked us as someone to sponsor for their fundraising event.

So they're going to be giving us $1,000. Hey! And they want to do like a whole photo op here in LA with them with us receiving a big paper check. That's so cute. I know. I'm excited. You and the nuns. Congratulations. Congratulations. Psychedelic Society. Yeah, say that again. And what is the name again? So we are the Queer Psychedelic Society. And we're an organization that works on providing education around psychedelics.

And we also provide virtual and in-person integration sessions for After Your Journey. And we work on just building community and educating people about plant-based medicine and the form of healing. And how can we find you again? We're on Instagram. We're called the Queer Psychedelic Society. Cool. That's really cool, though. Are you excited? I am. We just went out today, so we're surprised. We just got an email from them, and they're like, hey, we're doing this.

Do you want the money? And we're like, heck, yeah, we do. No, thank you. Yeah. I know. I sent the gift. I'm like, money, please. That's cool. Yeah. Very nice. Very proud of me. Congrats. That's cool. You're going to meet the sisters. Mm-hmm. Very nice. Maybe you can become one. I know. I always wanted to be one. They're badass. You're like, how do I become in the chapter? I've looked it up. So what you have to do is you have to go take a whole process, right?

So you're like an apprentice, and then you have to do a bunch of fundraising because they're very community-based. And then eventually you get your garment, and then you still apprentice, I think, for a while, and then they invite you in. So it's like a process. Cool. It's a dedication. I wonder what the apprenticeship is like, having to do a bunch of community stuff. Yeah, the one with community work. Oh my god, I could never. This is my community work right here. Spilling my own secrets.

Thank you for your service. That's cool. Very cool. Yeah. Anything else? Any other events that we should know about coming up? Yeah.

Well, in the music life of Long Beach, Chelo Azul here. What's up? I do have a show, my first show ever at Alex Bar, October 2nd, come through. And then I'm at ISM the second Friday of every month. And I'm at Calliz Bar and Grill every third Friday of the month. Those are free. Come dance, Cumbia. Very cool. Very cool. Support your local gays. Support the local gay musicians. How do we find more information? You can follow me on social media on Instagram at cello underscore azul.

Cello is spelled C-E-L-L-O underscore A-Z-U-L. And just slide into my DM. Say what's up. Well, since everybody else is plugging themselves, I might as well plug this show. How do our audience reach out to us on social media, Nino? If you would like to reach out to the QueerLBC podcast for any reason whatsoever, interviews, topic suggestions, questions for our listener mailbag, please email us at queerlbc at gmail.com or visit us on Instagram at QueerLBC or any of these platforms.

You can probably just find us at QueerLBC. Please do not randomly try to find my real personal email address and email me about gay topics on my personal... Please do not do that. If you find my personal email address and email me about a person you want me to interview, that is the first thing I'm going to do to not want to interview your guests.

Just so you know. Thank you. i'm like how the fuck are they getting my personal email i never give it out ever once never even once that's creepy that's a bad that's a bad sign i'm like that's gross, Anyways, yes, ask thequeerobc at gmail.com for all of your queer inquiries. Email us. Is there anything else we got to talk about? I think that's about it. Nothing else gay, really, in my life. We're no longer thirsty. I'm no longer thirsty, no longer parched.

All right. These queens have deserved a second break. Hey, y'all. Christoph here. And we just wanted to say thank you for all the love and support. But don't forget to go ahead and give us a five-star review, a like, a heart, a comment. You know, they all help the podcast a lot. From all of us here at the Queer LBC, we greatly appreciate you. Now back to the show. And we're back. So today we've decided we have finally received enough listener-submitted

questions to finally open up a gay advice mailbag. Woo!

Ding, ding, ding, ding. Yay! you love us gay advice mailbag yes we're here to give you our elder gay wisdom for all your sad and unfortunate love lives and other questions that you have about whatever reach out to us at the QueerLBC Instagram DM us any of your listener questions or email us at QueerLBC at gmail.com like I was saying earlier if you have any questions that you'd like us to answer here on our next gay listener submission mailbag thingy whatever the name is.

So let's dig in and see what are some of the questions that you guys have that you want us to answer one of the first questions we have is every guy i like says he's not looking for anything serious how do gays even date in 2025 is everyone just looking for situationships, i don't know do you guys what do you guys think is that true i've been booed up for a minute so i don't know i don't know i'm not in the dating i'm not in the dating pool for gays i don't I don't know.

But is everybody, I mean, I feel like there's constantly like the vibe with gay people is like situationships. Yeah. It's like, I don't think that's a 2025 thing. No, I do. I would assume that there is a trend of people who are like maybe possibly dating multiple people. So they're not like naming it. So they're like situationshipping it so that they can. So they're not putting all their eggs in one basket. Yeah. My guess is.

I also feel like with the apps and all that stuff, I feel people are looking always for the bigger and better. It's like, I'm going to hold on. This is good. But it's kind of one foot in, one foot out. And they're looking for other things, too. Keeping your options open. Yeah. For like a hotter guy comes by, you just get with them instead. Yeah. But I think, Chalo's right, or you were saying, I don't think it's necessarily anything new.

You know, I just think that it's just what's happening. That's just dating sometimes. Yeah. I think like the only thing, the way you can avoid that is just like immediately identify those people who you know are doing that kind of thing or that are trying to attempt those kind of relationships or are giving you like mixed signals like that.

Like immediately just put them in that category of being like oh this person probably isn't serious and probably don't get your hopes up too much because i feel like i hear people complain about like situationship stuff but it's like but honey you're like you're in it yeah like why don't you get out of it yeah like you are like if if if the person is telling you like what their.

What is it their laws of themselves are like you can't just like have this like idea of like oh well i'm gonna change them or like one day they're gonna like just want to be with me only it's like girl that's not how it's gonna happen wake up any other advice for that question i think yeah i think you need to figure out what you want you want something serious that isn't a situation ship then don't invest time in someone

who says they want a situation ship like believe people when they tell you who they are, right? And I think that the less time you invest in situationships then leaves you open to find what you want. You know, you have to kiss some toads in order to find your prince sometimes. Do you know how many fucking warts I've gotten?

Some uncurable. Running through these fucking toads. Licking toads. okay next question how do i survive the next four years what do you uh what do you mean what's happening what's going on what could possibly need surviving, oh no help us stock up on whatever medications you may have.

I'm using a lot of weed that's how i'm surviving how else are you surviving disassociation, actually no i'm actually grounding myself yeah i'm grounding myself in actually growing food and so i've been practicing with squash and corn and beans and um like just trying also like different herbs that i know i'm going to need to like for my health you know like oregano and lavender so getting lost sometimes and in the dirt and watching things grow seems really relaxing and, helpful that's cute

yeah i like gardening as like like a meditative hobby i have my own little like plants in my like office and i like to go i got to see your baby hakaranda so cute i have a baby hakaranda she was.

Getting burned up yeah i was scared i was gonna lose her so i had to move her back inside i hope that it will grow but yeah it's actually really relaxing like fucking with the plants slicing them chopping them up to bits while i'm relaxing and they're like screaming there i mean they like the pruning that's so wild to me they're like sometimes when i was learning how to propagate they're like you cut this off.

And you cut this off and we're like what how is this gonna help it grow by mutilating and they're like it's gonna focus on root growth and i'm like wow yeah i'm definitely a plant game same can i read a question go for it this question is for nino what advice do you have for me as a gay guy working in a hetero working place i'm a car tech and everyone assumes i'm straight until i say i'm gay and it can get weird oh a car to l like earlier i said a lot of weed i don't

know how i handle it you know people i remember there's a question like at an interview I had and there's like how do you handle stress and I'm like there is literally no way to answer that I'm like I it happens to me and then I am like really mad I don't know what and then it and it's over I don't know what to tell you like you just have to the only way to like handle things is like you have to not take anything seriously and I actually feel like the more that you like i

was kind of like a weird advice i feel like don't take it this isn't real advice but like i feel like the more that you like isolate yourself as like a. Gay person and like make it known that you're different and like you are different and yeah like if because if people if that's the vibe that people are trying to send you that you're different or whatever like i feel like it's better to go with that and be like yeah i am different and then like just be proud of the fact that you are different

but also like if you're trying to like be in like undercover mode i don't know it's hard to just like, you either just have to listen to all these stupid shit that they say and just pretend like you don't care and move on and hopefully it doesn't affect you. But I feel like when I do that, I feel like, I don't know, it just makes me mad too. Everything makes me mad. There's no way to deal with it. Just experience it and move on.

Experience your pain and then hopefully you won't have pain afterwards. Breathe in and let it go. Take a walk. I feel like walks don't work for me anymore. I'm past walking making things feel better for me. Are you walking mindfully though?

I don't think I am. If you like walk and just like notice colors shapes and cars and stuff like that, that's how you can like walk mindfully.

But if you're just walking and then your mind is just running, then yeah it's not gonna do anything i like walk and i try to like blast out my thoughts with like, podcasts or shows which doesn't really work yeah i just like refocus like constantly on like anger, we went for a walk today and your walk today nina's walk has a lot of a lot of nature so got to see a hawk several times like a big hawk the hawk is interesting i like the hawk,

there's also like a heron that comes around the neighborhood every once in a while which feels magical it feels like when you see it it's weird like when you see like a certain animal and then like evokes a feeling in you yeah that's cool they're very very elegant next question, So this one is saying, is it normal to get performance anxiety when hooking up, or does it mean I'm not into the guy? Oh, what do you think? I've had performance anxiety, and I was definitely into the guy.

I mean, I've definitely gotten hard for guys I'm not into. So I don't think it, it don't mean nothing.

Maybe maybe looking into i'm wondering if it's like every hookup because maybe you should explore like demisexuality which is you in order to have like a physical or sexual attraction you need to have like an emotional connection so like people who tend to be demisexual don't kind of they don't thrive in like hookup culture and it depends also what kind of hookup it is because i think there's those like come and go oh and then there's those that like come over smoke a

bowl and and you know have foreplay and then you know like what i feel like it just depends on like you don't know your vibe like some people are into the glory holes and some people need eye contact or just know your body i mean i guess you would know yourself like i mean if you if you normally have performance anxiety every so often then you can probably just talk it up to that but if it's like your first time like having that maybe you like

it's confusing like you don't know if like it's performance anxiety or if it's like you're actually not attracted to this person or not because i don't know it's hard to say for me because i've literally never had that problem i'm sorry.

Like yeah like i can definitely get hard for guys who i'm like not attracted to i've definitely had lots of like what do you call it like, charity work and the guy would never be able to tell because i'm like well i can still get hard it's fine i don't know i've never i've really never had a problem with it thank you for your service i'm doing god's work doing the lord's work so i don't know i mean if you you can't let, your literal penis tell your mind if you like someone or not like you could

just like i mean if you really like this person and you're not getting hard, you could just like get like Viagra or something like that. You know what I mean? There's a pill for that. There's a pill for it. Next question. Top bottom verse. How do I know what I really am? Or is it just a vibe? Bitch. You know. You know. I feel like these are questions from like virgin.

Like a virgin person. For a young person. because it's like when i feel like when i explain like how do you know what is sex or like how sex is or like how it's i'm like okay maybe i shouldn't say that maybe i'm just like, maybe i'm being too we're just we're old we're older now we're getting on that we're getting up there yeah i'm just saying i feel like how do i know if i'm a bottom if if you find yourself sticking your fingers up your ass for no fucking reason.

Or if you find yourself not ever exploring your ass for no, you know what I mean? Or, and you're like, only like, I don't know. I feel like you're going to find out. Yeah. And I feel like if you're not wanting anything and like you don't know because you don't want anything, maybe you're asexual. Maybe you don't want anything if you're having the question. Because if you're saying like, how do I know which I am?

I'm like, well, if you don't have the immediate desire, like what is the purpose of the question? Yeah. Yeah. I would say don't watch porn. I would say close your eyes. and start touching your body and see where your hands lead you. And then you kind of, I don't know, start to see what's your vibe and then what comes to mind.

Because see, for me, if I see a dude that I'm attracted to, immediately I think if I were to think in that kind of sexual way, I would say like, oh, I want to bend him over. Versus someone else who would want something else would be like, oh, I see that, I'm definitely down to back my ass out to that. Or you know what I mean? You can kind of start to see what you kind of want to do to them. And I think that's how you know.

Also, I feel like when I was like exploring myself, like I did try to like see, do I like like playing with my ass? And I didn't really. So, I mean, like if you're drawn to something, you're drawn to something. And that's how you know you like it.

It's like, how do I know what TV shows I like? Well, which ones are you watching? yeah but i mean also you can you may have like an inkling and that may be like maybe that your dominant like sexual position but you can still explore like i don't think you have to be a tie to like i'm a bottom i'm a top i'm a verse right like i think that's i feel like that ideology is going to disappear the next few queer generations and i think i think people are adapting

more to like what feels right to their body and then not labeling themselves in that way So I would say, yes, I agree with like.

You're you're inclined like for me like when i thought about having sex i i never thought about topping i always thought about bottoming right so that was where my mind was like i want to bottom i want to try that and and it just stuck you're just immediately drawn yeah yeah it was just something that i just wanted to do and explore and it was the right the right decision i got the right sorting hat like if you yeah if you find yourself not drawn to anything maybe you're just not

drawn yeah but you can you can still explore you can still try other things and you can still enjoy being a top or a verse you know you you don't have to be tied to one it's kind of limiting yeah yeah it's only like three options because like the because if you limit yourself and say i'm at this time of that it's like i don't know it just puts up all these like stupid things that aren't even like true because like you when you go with a guy i think you should just like,

and also it's kind of like the thing about like oh performance anxiety it's like am i not getting hard and it's kind of like you should just go into a sexual encounter just trying to make the other person feel good so like focus less on yourself and then you'll find out i don't know. You'll find out you'll find out soon yeah yeah give the other person pleasure yeah yeah maybe focus on that yeah if you find yourself not getting a boner they just suck their dick yeah maybe you just receive.

Maybe you're a side. Don't forget. Maybe you're a side. Oh, yeah. I forgot we got a fourth option. Side. I forgot about sides. You said king of the sides. Yeah. Penetration isn't always the end game. Not for me, but for the sides. Is it a red flag if a guy refuses to use protection but swears he's on prep?

I mean, of course it's a red flag.

If a guy is doing something you don't want him to do. like i mean i've been in a lot of situations where it's like you're hooking up with like a really hot guy and then he's like down to just like bear back with you because he thinks you're hot enough to bear back with i feel like that happens a lot where it's like if you're hot enough someone's just gonna say i'm down to bear back with you because they immediately trust you, well if you're hot you're trusting you're trustworthy yeah

the hotter you are the more trustworthy you are i'll be and i've been with like yeah situations where a guy is like really hot and he's just like i'm on prep and i'm and i was tested and it's like you're in that moment and you're just like okay do i say yes or do i say because you're like i really don't know raw is law like i have no idea if he's actually on prep i really have no idea if he just got tested like he just fucking said anyone can lie yeah

so it's like but i mean if you're asking a person to wear protection and they're really just not trying to like even if they're on prep they should still wear it if they're you're they're being asked right yeah yeah you don't have sex with anyone that you don't want to have sex with in whatever yeah you're you decide what conditions you're having sex with in yeah period yeah that's it yeah you want a condom they better put it on And if not, then don't grant them access. Yeah.

Access denied. Definitely a red flag. Don't do it. Listen to your boundaries. Yes. Listen to your heart. Is there really a difference in lube?

Yes yeah there is there is what's your favorite lube uber lube yeah is that this yeah the same one that i use yeah the one the glass bottle oh no i do know that one and that one isn't a little tiny one yeah i haven't used it a lot in a while it's very fucking expensive it is expensive but it's worth it yeah it is oh my god so okay it's called uber lube everybody and it's in a very small glass container and it's like a hundred thousand dollars per ounce yeah it's like more expensive than

oil yeah you get a little travel size one for the cruising girls for the cruising dolls but oh my god one time i was in weho and we were in the sex shop and i grabbed one because i was gonna buy it and then i dropped it in the shop and it cracked and it broke oh no and then i walked away just walk away um but it's a really great lube but i use it's called wet ultra platinum it's like in a black bottle i've seen that one it's the best one for jerking off.

So do you have different lubes for different jobs yeah i do have a jerk off lube specifically for my weenie and then i have an anal lube for when i do it in the booty okay oh nice and we're name dropping because we are looking for sponsors yes thank you uber lube yeah the one wet that i get is called wet platinum silicone based personal lubricant oh so then the anal one that i get is called x xso x e sso anal lube water-based lubricant glide hmm,

I've never seen that one. Oh, okay. I've seen that one. Just for giggles, I ended up getting this one that's called Anal Lube. And it was at a sex store, but one I've never been to before. And obviously it was for very catering towards the straight people. So the Anal Lube was very like, come try anal with your wife kind of lube. And it had scented ones. So it was kind of like, but actually it was really good. Really?

Yeah, it was really good. But if it was extremely creamy, which at first I didn't like because of how the consistency, but once it goes in, it was like, wow. It was like a color? It's white. So it looks like jizz. It looks like lotion. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Have you ever used lotion as a lubricant to fuck somebody with? I have. This one guy used to use coconut oil, like little coconut oil, and it was really nice. I feel like that wouldn't work very good.

Did it work? You said it worked very nice. Oil tends to be for extended play. But I prefer silicone. I don't fuck with water-based. It just runs out very quickly and it dries up and some get really tacky. Yeah. I just can't. It's not good. Yeah. Silicone all the way. I'm definitely silicone. Silicone, silicone, silicone. Give me that microplastic or whatever the fuck. I know. At this point, I'm like 75% silicone. I'm 75% silicone.

Uh let's see how do you get how do you ask for you what you want in bed, oh that's a good one like this i would like you to sit on my face okay like if you're like a shy person who like doesn't know how to ask for that kind of stuff you could write a letter, yeah i think probably having conversation beforehand. You can, I feel like you can, how do I put this? You can ask them by leading and guiding them. Like just grabbing their hand and putting it somewhere? Mm-hmm.

And then if they catch the drift, their hand will do whatever they need to do wherever you take it.

Or if it's something else, I don't know. I want them to start screaming at me and calling me a... A bad word how do you ask for that i think direct is better i think that there's people should just be well sex is normal sex is a normal act and so you should normally be able to ask which for what you want you're like if you're you go to this you go to the store and you say i want ham on that sandwich you're gonna tell them you want ham on the sandwich so in bed you're

gonna tell them you want ham on that sandwich yeah the ultimate answer is be brave that's how you ask and say i would like this do you want it or no yeah can we can we do this would you be okay because the other person has to be okay with it you know what i mean it's not just like i want this so it must happen no it's like hey you know would you like to try this and i think also like what did you say earlier dr mikey to ask beforehand oh yeah you have a conversation

beforehand right if you don't want to have it in the bedroom where you could just be like on the couch you know just randomly be like hey i i saw this or i want to try this you know what do you think you know like because i think sometimes when you're in the middle of the act and you.

Like it can it can maybe take you out of the mood or take you out right so beforehand like for your planners for your virgos for your plan a like have conversation before you know like there's nothing wrong with that yeah i would really enjoy it if i could spit in your face can we do that please yeah yeah and that way they get an opportunity to think about it yeah before the act happens instead of during and be prepared for someone to say no like no i'm sorry you cannot urinate into

my what is it called vulva you know you can not urinate into my vulva inside of my what's the little hoodie called?

The foreskin foreskin you cannot urinate into my foreskin a little cup you cannot urinate into my little hoodie or maybe on a special day have you guys ever done urination urination no water playing no water sports no water sports okay interesting interesting but but yeah, and I think their concern was like without making it sound like porn like trust like Porn is extreme in how they communicate everything.

Yeah, don't watch porn. I mean, watch porn, but don't use porn as a way to instruct the way that you actually make love.

Love is human and porn is some weird dude's fantasy. Do we have any more inquiries from our fans? Oh, here's a funny. Not a funny. I'm sorry. I'm not making fun of you, listener. It's not funny. Their new boyfriend doesn't want to be public about them. Are they being pushy if they don't post? If somebody doesn't post you on their social media, is that a bad sign? No, I think that someone's social media is their social media. And they should do what they want with their social media.

And if you have an expectation of what your person is supposed to be doing on their social media, Yeah, I think you should be analyzing why you have thoughts and opinions about your partner's usage of their social media. You should analyze why you have thoughts. Right? I feel like I understand why they would have that feeling of like, you don't want people to know about me. But I've been on the other side where when I was actually really unhappy with

my relationship, all I would do is post about him. and like post this together. And then the relationship that I am in now where I am most happy, I like purposely don't post about him and I like purposely never showed anybody his Instagram handle so they couldn't find him and add him. And you know what? Like I literally tried to like keep him as private as possible just because I don't want people finding and harassing him. Sending him emails. Uh-huh.

So, I mean, if your person isn't posting you, maybe they're actually trying to keep you safe like maybe they don't want people to know about you for reasons maybe they do not want people to know about you like for like you think but it's not for like a way that you know like a bad way yeah like i don't want i don't i didn't want people to know about my fiance for like his own safety yeah not because i'm just like embarrassed of him yeah yeah and i think another

thing is is this question's focusing on on post right and i think Like, social media, being posted on social media is, like, one very...

One aspect of of so many different phases and aspects of your relationship right like are you public are y'all public outside right you know is you know is are y'all going out together and being all this right you know like that's very public you know so there's other avenues and aspects in which y'all can be public and that's not related to social media but if they don't tell people and they're really not telling people then maybe yeah sure like then there's a problem there

yeah like If no one knows about you and you don't know anything about their people or you haven't met their people, then that's different. Also, how ugly are you? I'm just kidding. Are you? But also, when you talk to clients, how much does social media interfere with their happiness? Do you find that people talk about things that come from social media? Well, I think right now in this day and age with what's going on, like I think social media, it does have like a huge detriment, right?

Like I think, you know, it sets social standards. Social standards are unreachable, right? Like all these people, all these influencers get all this shit for free. They don't pay for it, right? And they're also showing a certain aspect of their life. Like do they really live like that all the time? Probably not. So it creates an unrealistic expectation.

So I think it could definitely be harmful. And I think with everything that's happening in the politics and the political world, people who are glued to their phones, at least the people that I'm working with, and they're in the news trench, the mental health slips quite often because everything's heavy and everything is overwhelming. The answer is get off social media.

It's true, though. don't worry about if your boo is posting about you worry about why the fuck you're so obsessed with white people are obsessed with your social medias worry about how he's treating you in real life in real life is he hiding you then that's a problem yeah there you go that part next question.

How do you actually meet a gay person outside of Grindr, Tinder, or a bar you can't next, is there a way to meet gay people like romantically like that is not a bar or grind or like an app literally go to protests oh there's so many gays in protests yeah you go to like a pro-Palestinian protest you can find a lot of gays there, go to open mics you can find a lot of gays in open mics, yeah I think just doing anything that appeals to you you know things that bring

you joy things that bring you happiness like go do those things and you're there's bound to be a queer there somewhere mm-hmm, That's a good idea. I never thought about that. Also, like, on social media, there's queer groups. So, like, in Long Beach, there's Lesbysocial. Follow Lesbysocial on Instagram, and they're always doing social events, social events for queer women. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and there's, like, a meetup where y'all people can meet up according to, like, topics and interests.

So you'll find people that are already kind of in your vibe. Trying to think where else can you name gay people around back alleys no I'm saying the gutter.

Certain cruising sites I don't know because I feel like I feel like even if you were to like find a gay person in real life that was like anywhere people are like so shy to even like talk to anybody, like hello like I don't know but I guess that's not the question that's me, uh yeah nowhere let's see oh this is a good one what is the etiquette for asking someone's pronouns without making it awkward i don't think it's awkward to ask

for someone's pronouns yeah just be like what are your pronouns and if they make it awkward let them make it awkward, there you go i don't think it's awkward for you to ask for someone's pronouns and if the person is awkward because you asked them the pronouns then that's whatever issue they're dealing with that's not yours do i owe it to my hookups to disclose that i'm seeing multiple people oh i think maybe we could think about this a little bit more because i feel

like it depends how ethical you're being with like sex because like okay let's say like.

You're having maybe depends if you're having unprotected sex i feel like if you're having protect what even is protected sex if you're using like condom sex condoms you know what i mean then you're trying to protect yourself and you're trying to be ethical then maybe i don't think you need to tell them but i feel like if you're like come guzzling then i think that you should tell them like hey like or wait you know i think the ethical thing would be to like guzzle guzzle

guzzle stop get tested treated if needed then you're good then go back to guzzling but like to do that on a monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday i feel like in not telling all of them what you did the day before maybe i don't know it's a case by case that's just my opinion i don't know doctor i could be wrong i mean i think everyone's gonna have their own way of doing it i think yeah i think it goes back to like how ethical you want to be right i think that if you are like having

multiple sex partners in a day like if i think there's because i think there's difference between like someone who's like hosting a cum dump right where everyone knows this person is going to be loaded up right like people know what they're signing up for right but let's say you're a person and you're going around like collecting loads from different tops throughout the day kind of like a travel income dump right like i feel.

I do feel there's a certain level of ethics of all that where you need to maybe tell the people like hey like i'm collecting multiple laws like i'm like two loads in i'm like three loads in four loads in because i think sometimes that appeals to people and i think that but doesn't appeal to everyone so i think in being ethical and keeping in mind like people's like health and giving them true informed consent requires like honesty

yeah i feel like if you are not dating and you are just like a slut and you're just like going out fucking, and you're fucking everybody in the world but as long as you're like completely protected i feel like it's kind of obvious that like everybody is at their own risk in a kind of a way if you're like.

You yourself are being fully protected and you're protecting yourself with every encounter that you're doing but also like if you are not protecting yourself i feel like that then that's when you should be like obviously stating that and you should like have that like right out in the open yeah because i feel like on my profiles like i feel like i would write i used to write like oh like i was just it was obvious like like i'm not like looking for

one guy only you know what i mean like like i'm probably fucking every person i will meet but also like if it's like you're dating like do you need to reveal that you're dating multiple people at the same time like while you're trying to create a romantic relationship it's like i don't think you need to disclose that yeah like i feel like if you're on okcupid like you're gonna have like a couple of interviews yeah like you can't assume like everybody's only gonna

meet one person off of like a dating website or something like that yeah or like meet one person in a bar ever like if you're if there's no statement saying we're officially together like let's be monogamous if nobody ever said you want to be my boyfriend officially then you probably can't count on them being like monogamous to you even then even then even then what was the question oh yeah like so yeah we have to disclose

multiple dating like i don't think you need to because then it just immediately makes other person think like, ugh. If you're just dating around, I don't think you need to disclose. I think if you're on something like a dating website, people know you're trying to find somebody. Yeah. I think it's always a green flag when someone asks for your last time you were tested kind of questions.

When someone asks that, I automatically feel safe. I'm like, oh, I feel like this person makes educated decisions about their sexual practices or is aware of Be as honest as you can with what your sexual practices are. Well, I think, yeah, just that if you're like a raw is law kind of girl, then just make sure it says that on your profile. Raw is law. If you're a raw is law doll, then put that on the bio. That's funny. Raw is law. Should I feel guilty for preferring guys who don't look gay?

Should you feel guilty about it? I don't know. if it's in your head why are you feeling guilty? Because you're like you don't want to go for a femme guy. Why do you hate femmes? What's wrong with the femmes? What's wrong with the blouses? Should you feel guilty about not wanting for wanting us? I mean you should feel guilty because I think society pressures us all to have to be the gender that we are or whatever.

Some people are heteronormative and you're in that world be in it i mean i think you should reflect and maybe challenge some of the standards you have and kind of really see if they really align with who you are that's just what you're handed because i think you're cutting out a whole like group of people right and and who knows you who you could have met according to some like bullshit standards that were forced onto you should feel guilty,

I think I think you can challenge it without feeling guilty, yeah I think if like I think if your first thought is like mask for mask only then I think there's definite room for you to just challenge it and like just like, Just like, say, shut the fuck up and, like, go for a femme guy. At least once.

And experience it and realize. But, I mean, if you're the kind of person, like, who can get with a femme guy, know that it's all chill and gravy and good, and then still reject them because society is telling you to reject them, then you've got something to do.

Like, if you know that there's really no problem with them, but you're still rejecting them, like, on, like, appearances, like, there's a problem. Yeah. Yeah. But if internally, you just have the internal desire to be digged down by a big man, I guess there's no problem with that either. Sometimes you just want a big, strong man. But also, challenge what you want. Span your horizon. Span your horizon. Span your horizon. Should I feel guilty? Yes, you should. Yes, you should.

You're shaming. I love this. how do i stop comparing my body to all the shirtless instagram hotties i don't know stop yeah just stop i guess you have to cut off instagram but then you'll just find like hot other guys to like person to feel feel bad about no matter where you go it'll be on tv yeah i would say stop or do something about it start changing some habits or start loving your body. And if you're loving your body, you probably are going in the right direction.

So start, start by loving your body. Right. Quick hack. If you feel bad about not being, you know, ripped then you need to work out more if you feel bad about it if you don't feel bad about it then embrace being a super chub good night.

Yeah i think it depends on where where and what your community is right you know like i think when i think of like my weho days like that's definitely different way different right you know but now that i'm removed out of weho now i'm here in long beach right like Like, Long Beach vibe is very much different, very much more, like, inclusive and accepting compared to, like, WeHo, you know, where I think what you're talking about is more common.

I feel like when I lived in L.A., it was definitely more, like, I need to, like, never eat. I need to, like, never eat. Yeah. I mean, if you look at, like, Grindr and the apps, you know, from L.A. To here, like, the body types are, like— Different. Yeah, way different. Way more inclusive here. Yeah, it's crazy how like, like when you go into like those, like, I don't know, like more affluent areas, like the bodies get better.

But like, I don't know what that is about. Resources gives you access to more things. You're right. I do know what it is about. And if you're doing better, you're less stressed and then you have time to work out. Yeah. Like if you can afford to live out there, you probably afford to eat well. And you probably have a good ass job. so i mean i definitely felt the pressure out there to like yeah not be fat as.

Because that's how it is okay i think this is gonna be our last question, okay this is a really good one how do i tell if a guy actually likes me or just wants attention, i think that's a hard question to answer well think about it like if they really like you or they just want attention so think about how your interactions are like are there is a reciprocation like are they calling you are you calling them are you texting them how many how many words like look at the text messages and

compare how much is in the context of the messages you're sending like are you sending them five messages are they sending you any messages how many messages compared to how many messages you're sending i mean i know that sounds very obsessive and weird but if you're interested and curious about whether someone likes you or they're like that you're giving them attention then see what kind of interactions are they are like are they talking about themselves,

or do they ask you questions because i feel like if they like the attention i don't think that they're necessarily going to be asking you how your day went tell me how you're doing what do you think about this what do you if all it is is like, Hey, listen to me. Look at what I did. I did this today. I did this today. I'll do me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And if they're never asking you, then I think it's a sign of like, they're more focused on themselves.

I feel like I'm definitely entertained guys who I have been not interested in. Like, I feel like there's been moments in my life where I'm like, I'm bored.

And I'm like, like with texting with like a guy that like you've like been texting with, but like kind of like see it going nowhere, but you're just like bored and kind of horny and like they're decent so like you could probably get off with them if you just tried like like a second and then well you have no problem but you have like yeah but you have like no like real intention but like you're bored so like i get that and i feel like i've been in that position too where like i'll be

texting with somebody and i'm like like we're having like a text conversation but it's like it also is leading nowhere and it's also you never like have ever invited me out i think that's like a good like like a litmus test yeah like if you actually will ever go out with this person you ever meet up together in physical space that's like a perfect way to find out if that doesn't necessarily mean yeah yeah even no even just too even just because i feel like like so many times like you're

like texting with a guy and it literally had like leads to nothing and you're like i can't like think of how many guys you like have like texted like on grinder and it's like zero place yeah yeah that's true i guess it is a difference if they're coming over to fuck you often yeah yeah yeah i think it's but i think it's reciprocity but i also think it's. Like what, what are y'all doing when y'all get together? Right. You know, I mean, it's also hard.

It's hard when there are fuck boys. Cause I had a, I had a guy that I was like, I thought I felt like I was dating for a while. And then it's just kind of like, like the whole time I'm kind of thinking like, is this guy actually interested in me? Even though like we would go out sometimes and hang out. And when we hung out, it felt like we were literally like boyfriends. But then when we weren't together, it was like, where the fuck are you?

And it's like, why do you not exist? So it's kind of like, I don't know. Gays are great at giving mixed signals. I don't know what to say. So yeah, if you're confused enough, somebody likes you, they don't like you. That's my best advice. That is true. If you have to ask somebody if they love you, they don't. I'm just kidding. No, I don't know. Find someone who just is constantly texting you all day. It doesn't stop. Oh my god, I love him. He's borderline stalker, but he does not stop,

ever. Never. He's in love with me, that's how I know. He's in love with me. It's all about finding the right match.

Well, any more gay questions? No, I feel like we answered all the ones that made the most sense. Some of them were spelled poorly. Some of them were incoherent. Oh my god, Long Beach, step it up. But we answered all the best ones. So if you want to ask us more questions for our next gay, whatever this is called, gay fan submitted question mailbag, add in music here, then please submit your questions again to thequeerlbc at gmail.com or the dmqueerlbc on Instagram.

From all of us here at the Queer LBC, you're good enough, you're smart enough, And doggone it, people like you Good night Good night, Long Beach Sleep tight Good night. Music.