Do you see connections everywhere you look? Are you wondering about the great awakening and how it will affect you? Thanks for joining me, Anne Corbin and my guests. As we offer you different perspectives and analyses of current issues, together with advice on health, wealth, and relationships, as we navigate those storms together, not forgetting the systems available to us from metaphysics Anne our own higher selves. Well, something different this week.
I am very delighted to welcome a guest, who is a friend of mine, and she is the alcohol free coach. And there's a story behind how that's what she became because Carol was into coaching anyway. My guest is called Carol Urie. And you can find her on worry among coaching, but we'll go into all details of that nature. Again towards the end. Anne, of course, in the show notes, will be anything that you, you hear referenced as we speak about it Anne Well, it's all there for easy access.
So, Carol, hello, and welcome. Thanks, Anne. I really appreciate, your time, and Thank you for inviting me. It's a it's a real pleasure. Excellent. So, Carol, let's start with your story Anne what inspired you to go alcohol free? Like many coaches, it's often lived experience. That's exactly what it was for me. I I could take or leave alcohol for many, many years in my twenties. I didn't really drink very much.
Anne then the kids came along in my thirties, and I used wine a little bit at the weekends. And, socially, we used to go out Anne then my second child Nathan was Corbin, and he, there was something different about him. I wasn't sure what Anne, he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, which is on the autistic spectrum and ADHD at about the age of five or six. Anne for many years, I blamed myself for that.
I thought I'd done something while I was carrying him, and that's really when I started to use Anne. Not every single night, probably 2 or 3 nights a week. I would be hurrying to get the kids to bed, read them the story, then get down. To settle on the sofa with a nice big glass of my chosen Anne, maybe a bit of chocolate, and just relax. Anne that's really how my journey started. And then it was A lot of us are probably somewhere on that slippery slope.
Yeah. I am I'm feeling quite virtuous at the moment because it's lent. I am elderly. But that's not my usual state. That's brilliant. Well, don't you? That's good. I've been doing anything up for lent at the minute. Oh, I it's not a big deal. Something I do every year. And one of the reasons I do it is just to prove that I can. Absolutely. Yeah. I noticed something that you said there about using alcohol, and I think that's a red flag, isn't it? It's a warning signal. Definitely.
Yeah. I think there's a difference between needing a glass of wine and just deciding to have a glass of wine. There's There's either be you've either fixated online or you're liberated in my eyes. And part of my coaching is about fixation and liberation.
I always use the example where if you're not sure, say you've been invited to a party and the party girls, they're Anne there's a bar Anne you go in and decide to go and greet the party girl first Anne other friends that, you know, without even thinking about going to the bar You've not even really decided what you want to drink or eve even if you're going to have an alcoholic drink. That's a liberated person.
They would then go to the bar and and get what they wanted, whereas a fixated person like me, some pea I didn't personally, but some people will probably have maybe a glass or two of wine while they're getting ready for the event, they would turn up, they would go straight to the bar, get their drink, and then greet their birthday girl, and circulate.
And if you feel that, you know, you need that drink, some people need it for confidence, some people need it, yeah, for a a little bit of Dutch courage, or just to wind down, maybe. So it is a bit of a slippery slope, so it's just snowing whether or not it's got a hold of you or not, and it definitely had a hold of me sure.
And something else that I've noticed is in a social situation, if you are the only person not drinking or one of the very few people not drinking, and you don't really know the others Anne you're not mixing with them. The people around you who are knocking it back are getting stupider and stupider. It's very hard to relate. It's a You've hit the nail on the head there. You don't see it when you're drinking. You don't?
No. I mean, we've got a lovely local pub, Anne we know the landlord and landlady very well because I used to frequent it most days, and they lived upstairs in the flat. And, Debbie, the landlady said me one day. Carol, were you in the pub last night? And I said, yeah. It's that I could tell because you got louder and louder and louder. And I'm like, oh, dear.
And I'm I'm very easy going laid back placid sort of person, but sometimes I found myself on certain wines getting quite obnoxious, not rude, but quite argumentative, which is just like, not me at all. So, yeah, it It's not the color I need, but it's such a coverage, isn't it? Yeah. You wouldn't normally say it if you were sober, but what had a few bevies down here, you sort of get, yeah, you get a little bit braver, don't you? And that, I don't know if it's the real you comes out.
We're all very different. And, you know, you've got with that. You've got, you know, the text in when you're drunk. You don't know who you've text. You leave your purse behind. You can't remember getting home. You maybe have an argument with your partner. You can't remember what you've Anne, you know, but, yeah, you're saying about stupider and stupider, obviously been sober now when I go into the pub and see because it still go down. My husband still goes down.
And, I I'll see their eyes glaze over. They'll repeat themselves lots of times. They start spitting at you when they're talking to you. They ask you same questions, and it's really Corbin, Anne, to be honest. So I generally leave at that point. How do you say that drinking alone is dangerous? I think you need to question your drinking alone. Yes. People tend to socialize and drink. If you are alone and you feel you need it to fill something that's happened.
So with me, what progressed with me, like you said, it's a slippery slope. My my son, you know, was got his diagnosis. My marriage broke up when he was 7, and my daughter was thirteen. That's really when my drinking ramped up, and I was drinking Anne, then, I'd rented accommodation in the village, where the family home was, and we were sharing the children between us their choice to do that. And, yeah, it was a matter of at the end of the day when I finished work, I needed that drink.
And I think when you drink alone, there's no one to put the brakes on, there's no one to give you a dig in the ribs saying have you had enough Carol, which would have absolutely infuriated me if anybody said that Anne thinking that I actually had a problem. You know, I am not an alcoholic. Nobody ever told me. Alco alcoholism is, not a medical term, actually. It's alcohol use disorder. It's a term we band around, and I googled it a few times. Am I an alcoholic?
And I didn't tick all the boxes, so I was what you would call a gray area drinker, which is a a massive area, really, from having maybe a glass regularly in the week, maybe, you know, two or three times a week to having, like, me, a bottle of wine and evening or a bottle and a half, most evenings, there's that big gray area. So drinking alone feel that you're in control and you're you haven't got a problem. It's denial, isn't it? Abs absolutely.
Yeah. Absolutely. And I think when you're the thing is, what are you using it for? That's the question. So if you're home alone and you want to get a glass of wine out with your meal and share it with your partner Anne it's just social and you can just have the one then that, you know, absolutely Anne. But if you're finding that you need another glass of wine and then another glass of wine, and then you go and get another bottle. Yeah. How many of us actually stop at 1?
Yeah. That's a problem, isn't it? And if there's a bottle there, you'll be tempted to finish it. Anne yeah. Absolutely. I know. No. Absolutely. And, you know, it's it's interesting when we said one glass because It says about units, it talks about moderate drinkers and heavy drinkers, and heavy drinkers are actually class stars 3 glasses in one sitting. Now you would think of a glass, my glasses were big. 1250 glasses, and they're probably were even bigger than that.
So 3 of those make a whole bottle? It does. But what what the, the, the moderation side or the heavy drinking side, though, when they say 3 units, they mean 1, 2, 5. Do you remember the tiny little from the pubs in the 8 seventies Anne eighties. We didn't have the big glasses. How horrified were you when you discovered how many units there are in a 250 class? Yes. Yeah. Exactly. Cause it's 2 units. So if you have 2 glasses, that's 4 units in that night. You are classed as a heavy drinker.
So it is interesting. It is really when you think about it Anne people don't realize, you know, and you you get tolerance. You want everybody wants that buzz. You know, you want that well, people who need that downtime, I certainly wanted that buzz. Of drinking that first glass of wine, especially if it's on Anne on an empty tummy. I mean, I didn't even used to get home from the, from work sometimes.
I'd be straight down to the pub, I'd park in the village in the square, Anne they'd pour me a pint of, often 5% lager. And then after 2 lagers, I'd have a glass of wine, and I'd be on the phone to my hubby saying, can you walk down to the pub and drive me home, please? Anne then I would open the bottle when I got home as well. So lots of people do it. Indeed, they do. And you are the alcohol free coach, and you can help them to break the habit. So let's hear some more about that, please.
I think accountability is a massive thing. I've got a a freebie PDF on my website, which talks about the 3 biggest mistakes mum's makes. I work with mum's, when trying to stop drinking. And I think the important thing is is to, set a date because if you just think I'll do it next week, I'll do it next week, I'll do it next week, next week, as we know, never comes.
So setting a date, put it on the calendar, and mentally start talking to yourself about that, you know, a couple of weeks beforehand or even a month beforehand and just start saying to yourself, I used to talk to myself in the mirror all the time. Anne talk and just say to yourself, okay. I'm gonna enjoy this glass of wine, but on this day, I'm gonna stop Anne just repeat that. And then you're your subconscious sort of gets the memo, if you know what I mean, and they do.
Yeah. This is why I find for me, it's relatively easy to give up on a regular basis Corbin lent because it's definitely a date Anne I mean, I'm not religious. I was brought up in the Catholic faith, but, I'm not fussed about it from that side anymore. But that is a thing. Anne, It's just a to me, it's a really good opportunity to give something up. And for me, again, Anne of the obvious things to give up is wine or alcohol, generally.
But wine, you know, after a couple of days, I don't think about it. Except when I'm having something with cheese. Because Interesting. Yeah. It's the awesome carriage thing. You know? Yeah. You can have one without the other, of Corbin. But it's cheese that makes me think of wine. Yeah. And it's a that's an easy trigger. Anne really, you know, everyone's got triggers, haven't they? Absolutely. And it's just been aware of what triggers you. And for me, it was getting in from work.
It was getting in the car. I wouldn't think about drink, in the in the daytime at all. It it really wouldn't crossed my mind. But as soon as I got in the car, to drive home, I used to drive by Sainsbury's, and I would promised myself, I wouldn't go to Sainsbury's, and I'll be coming up the road Anne the car would just automatically swing right I'd be in the car park, I'd be grab a bottle, grab some chocolate, or grab 2 bottles, or a couple of bottles of beer and a wine bottle of Anne.
And then And then I'd be like, why? Why? And it's because our subconscious is just so used to the habit of doing it So that's working with me, helps you unpick the subconscious thoughts around it because the longer we do it, the more our subconscious actually thinks that we need it for survival, and it's like a fear based thing. And that's why white nookling it Anne trying to use willpower only works for a very short time. You need to unpick why you use alcohol, really.
What you feel it's benefiting you. And, of course, with my sort of scientific side, which is, I'm very different to your traditional detox rehab AA, my my, programs are very much scientific based. So we talk about all the chemical reactions that happen in your body. It's like, why you wake up at 3, 4 AM in the Corbin. There's a a scientific reason for that.
A lot of women that use that menopausal women, you know, it really messes with your, your hormones, I thought it was dehydration that woke you up at small hours in the morning. No. It's blood alcohol levels that drop. So what happens is when you when you're continually topping up during the evening, you've got a alcohol is actually a depressant, so that's why it's not good to use, you know, if you're if you've got any mental health issues.
So, what happens is you drink, it releases, the the depressant and the stimulant So chemicals are released. You need to be in balance. Homiostasis it's called all the time. So as soon as you drink alcohol, which is a toxin to the body, the liver wants to get rid of it, and it puts everything else aside to get rid of this toxin. So what happens is it you we release adrenaline, Corbin, and that's a stimulant.
So people wake up with, like, banging chest and and heart racing and things, and that's a stimulant is still racing around your body and your alcohol levels have dropped. And because you've not topped up your alcohol levels, the stimulants are still there, and that's what wakes you up So you could well be dehydrated. I mean, alcohol is a massive dehydrator. Absolutely is.
It's, that's why It's interesting, actually, Anne, because when people don't know how much you drink or how regularly, but women that drink on a regular basis Anne give up find a massive improvement in the puffiness in their face. And that's purely because when you drink wine, your body is deep, very high drated, and it holds on to your body holds on to any bit of moisture that it gets. So that's why you get the puffiness.
Once you start rehydrating regular and the dehydration of wine or alcohol's gone, your body takes a big light Thank goodness for that. You know, we're getting water in, and we're getting lots of hydration, and the puffiness subsides. And that goes for your tummy as well all around to me area. Oh, interesting. I've actually taken some before and after pictures to see what is the difference.
Honestly, I would the old listeners, if they're thinking of taking a break, I would highly recommend taking a selfie if you drink on a regular basis because you will be amazed your eyes are clearer, your hair's better, your nails are better. Your skin is so much better, after a longer period. I mean, my my programs, are up to 90 days. And the reason they're 90 days is because it takes time to work on your mindset around alcohol. Anybody can give up for 30 days while most people can.
Anne you're doing 40 with lent, which is Anne. But even, you know, for 30 days, you get real improvements. You get your energy levels Yes. Because people do fry January, don't they? There's another month somewhere down the line in the end. Yeah. That's right. And that's fantastic. I'm a great advocate for that. But unless you're gonna change your thinking around drinking and why it is you may be overused drink king. All you're gonna do is, I mean, I did it myself.
You just can't wait for the 1st the, of November or 1st February. Anne then you feel like you've missed out. So you probably double down on your drinking, which is even worse, really. So Yeah. Actually, I have seen people go crazy Yeah. Or thereabouts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On day 1 Anne 2. It's so true. It's so true because it's fear of missing out. What formal as we call it. So it's interesting if people feel they have to top up so much before they're gonna give up.
I mean, I gave up, Anne sober, October. I think another time I didn't manage it, managed about 3 weeks. I mean, my husband has drank the whole way through me giving up. Which some people find quite difficulty for another partner's drinking in front of them, but it's never really bothered me. We used to just go down the puppy's normal. In fact, Well, I'm 2019, October 2019. We I still go down the pub, and people still ask me. You're still on the wagon, Carol? And I'm like, yep.
Yeah. Yeah. It's, it I mean, the other side of the bottle life is just I'll just explain it that everything's in Technicolor. It's interesting how you see things differently. You know, I was pushing down my emotions because I couldn't deal with, you know, my son having these diagnosis, then my marriage broke down. I was on my own. I had to get a full time job. I live in a fantastic community.
I managed I was only working very, very part time, I think, about 12 hours, and I had to get a full time job. And the community I live in practically furnished while they did, they furnished my little three bedroomed house that I rented, and the the community really came together. I used to be a long lady. How funny is that? So It's a woodland lady. Yes. I did. Yeah. So I knew a lot of people in the community, but, Yeah.
I mean, people are drawn to when you rely around alcohol all the time, you think seeing these people that are in top scatered, and I have had enough in getting to brols and all sorts. And not as if our pub, little community pub was like that, but you think it would put you off alcohol, but Anne he's got a hold of you, it's an it's an addictive substance. It is very addictive. Absolutely. If you drink it for long enough, enough of it, you will become addicted. Absolutely.
Do you think there are addictive people or addictive personalities Anne then those who are not? Yeah, that's interesting, actually, Anne, because there was some research done, about whether we have an addictive gene on or There's not a specific, from my understanding, a specific addictive gene, but we can be predisposed to some addiction. But often it's environmental, people that have issues with alcohol, it's not for every not everybody, but, you know, further down the Anne.
They've often been brought up in an environment where there's been alcohol, readily at accessible or they've had parents that have used alcohol, for fun Anne had, you know, being party animals and always have people around the home Anne as a young kid, my parents didn't drink at home, only at Christmas. We had a drinks cabinet at Christmas, and The spirit's dad liked rum and black and mum had perna in our engine. He would come out, but dad was a big bad dream curry.
I'm from a mining background, and it was normal for the minors to finish their shift Anne then go off to the pub and have a few pints to wash down the dust Anne dad was a big drinker. So as I got older, I used to go to the pub, the workmen's club.
Mhmm. So I was around alcohol, But for some people, it's it is environmental, or it's it's been forbidden, maybe, and they've, you know, had strict parents that have not allowed them to, so they've sneaked off down the park Anne had the bottle of cider Anne Yes. You know, got drunk. And I know a lot of smokers have started that way. Yeah. Up down to the bottom of the garden kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I used to smoke, but I I gave that up a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. Likewise.
I went to Bosnia, actually, because I'm ex military, and I went to Bosnia, and it was 40 per packet. Anne there was a lot of people in the sergeant's mess where I was that were smoking, and I did start again. So, yeah, it did take me I didn't let let on to my husband that I was smoking, but, I used to go out in the car and go down to the local park sit on the bench Anne have a cigarette. Anne it did take me, I think, 6 6 or so weeks to to give up, but, yeah.
Yeah. The addiction side is people blame themselves Anne they really do beat themselves up. And But it's wrong, isn't it? Because it's a chemical thing, and the truth is if you if it's got you in its grip, you need help to get out of it. Yeah. And it is, and it Anne it is purely because your body now thinks it needs it for survival, and that is the bottom line. So you're fighting against your subconscious Anne there's a, you know, we're subconsciously taking a lot.
I mean, there's all the advertising. Alcohol is romanticized in the media. You see it's very small. You see it everywhere. My mother was a smoker, but she ended up about, aged around about 50, I think. And she missed it for about 20 years. She used to harm himself a deprived smoker as opposed to a former they eventually, she even dropped that. But she she always commented that it was so unfair that smokers were the pariahs, and this is going back a long time. It must be going back. Oh, goodness.
35 years or so. Were beginning to become persona non grata. Yeah. Drinking. Absolutely fine. No problem. Hello. Welcome. Come in and have a drink. Yeah. And yet, actually, I feel that alcohol does your harm than something. Well, Again, it's, a carcinogen. So it's actually ethanol, which is what we put in our petrol tank. That's when you get down to the nitty gritty of alcohol. So your liver has to deal with all that Corbin.
And what happens is when I'll call it your liver, Anne he to break it down. It breaks it down into something called acetaldehyde, which is even more toxic than the alcohol itself. Anne it's acetaldehyde Anne converts into acetate, which your body eliminates, but often the the acetaldehyde hangs around. Depends how quickly you can process alcohol, really.
The acetaldehyde Anne, change your DNA, and that's where you know, the cancer can start because, obviously, your your liver is like a big massive filter, you know, filters everything out Anne it goes into your bloodstream, And, yeah, that's that's how cancer forms. And, of course, I've got on my own podcast, which is coming out soon. I've got my own. I've got my friend, Kath, who's Anne Aussie, She had breast cancer. She's a massive advocate Anne and goes all around Australia and chatting.
It's been on the news and the radio in the papers. About, you know, 3 only three drinks a week, and we're talking 3, 1, 2, 5 meal ones. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. Exactly. You just risk 15% risk, and then there's an added 10% on for every other, drink that you have. So especially if you're predisposed and you've got it in the family, I mean, c crazy, really, when you think about it, but It's it's like I always think about it's like playing Russian roulette.
It's like having bullets on the table, when you have a drink, loading a revolver Anne putting in a bullet with bowel cancer, a bullet with throat cancer, a bullet with breast cancer, a bullet with, you know, another cancer, a suffragile cancer. Spinning it around, pulling it to your head every time you check a drink. That's how I feel. Now I'm not, you know, I'm I'm not wind bashing, alcohol bashing person.
I don't have an Anne issue with people who drink, but as long as they know the consequences that could happen. Some people drink all their lives, and he never drank them. Not at his power, and it it gives you people to make the right choice. Absolutely. And I think choice is important, and that's that's what I feel my job as a coach, and a Anne a accountability coach too. You know, I've ladies that have gone through my program Anne then come to me for a a a coaching session once a month.
Just for accountability. And it's important to have accountability to tell someone that you're going to take a break not just like I did, keep it quiet. Because every time I said it, my husband would be like, oh, yeah. How many times have I heard that Carol were giving up? That would be Monday morning because I'd had a heavy weekend and felt rubbish. And then by Wednesday, I'd forgotten all about it. I was back to square one again.
I was just down seeing a friend last weekend, and I didn't drink, and she was locking it back. Like there was no tomorrow. And normally, I would be joining her because I don't see her very often. Anne Yeah. She's come on. Have a drink. Have a drink. Look. I talked to you. It's linked. I'm not going she couldn't believe that I didn't join her during those. We had 3 evenings together. I'm okay. I'm pleased. Yeah. Yeah. You're the one getting up in the morning with the with the clear head.
I I've found the people that tend to give you grief for not drinking other people that have an issue and no deep down. They've got an issue themselves because you are really putting a mirror up to what they should be doing when you choose not to drink and you get a lot of slack is often from the people that know that they really should be, cutting back, you know, taking a break or just reducing intake.
So it's, you know, it's quite it's it's quite common for people to give you a hard time, but I I always come up with some, little phrases that you can say to my ladies that come and work with me. There's lots of phrases that you can and change change the record, so to speak, and, yeah, have have have a little, That would be a good note to finish on. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Sure. Well, you could just say like you, you're doing lent or you're on medication.
Depends if you wanna tell a little white life, you're comfortable or not. I've got I've gotta get up early for work in the morning. You know, I'd alcohol just doesn't suit me. You can, say, yeah, you're on a health kick. There's lots of things. And I would also say to your listeners, if you're thinking about giving up or taking a break Anne you're going out for a social evening, get get in the mirror self talk. Tell yourself that you're taking a break.
Come up with the conversations and say, oh, I'm not drinking tonight because and actually practice it Anne and have a couple of days of practicing that in your head. And also do a little note on your mobile on your phone. So get a video out and video yourself. The reason why you are taking a break from drinking. And if you feel under real pressure, go to the ladies. And play it or pop outside and have a look at it Anne get to the venue first and get yourself a drink.
I used to get like a g G Anne T, glass with just tonic water in it Anne a slice of lemon with a with a a straw. Anne nobody knew, nobody knew I wasn't drinking gin and tonic. They just thought I was drinking. So and there's lots of alternatives out there, Alan, isn't there? So They're on. There's plenty now. And some of the alcohol free beers Anne nagas and so forth, they taste as good as the real thing. Yeah. Yeah. No. I think the original attempts were Well, so it's probably awful.
Some of them. I haven't seen the most wine yet. No. Anne, they're working on wine. There is a lady, that brings a that's got a wine called naughty. She's from a a champagne, producing family. Anne it's called nougthy. It's really for special occasions. It's not No. That one is about 10 no. Sorry. I'm getting mixed up. That one's about £10 actually. There's another Anne. It's called wild something, but that's in a box. Really fancy about £30, and that's really for special occasions.
I can't remember. My friend drinks it. But, yeah, the wine definitely needs some work, but they are getting there. The Guinness, if you like, Guinness is absolutely superb. Really, really tasty. Okay. I could try that this week. You're good. You're good. I mean, for some people, it triggers them, and some people, it's not an alternative. And I completely get that. They they don't want to even, you know, look at as if they're having a drink because could be a big trigger.
But if you're I mean, I used to get my fancy glass out, and I used to pull myself, some slur or something, or no seco is really nice in Sainsbury's, that's an alternative to Preseco, and that's really lovely. So they're, yeah, there are alternatives out there. Wonderful. Okay. Well, people, Carol Ari is the alcohol free coach. You can contact her on, Facebook, Instagram, what are your handles?
And worry when coaching on Instagram or Facebook, and I'm Caroluri, which is you, double r, y, and you can find me on linkedin. And I do do TikTok now again. Oh, good for you. I'm experimenting. Hi. Warrior, mom, coaching, all one word, worry, mom, coaching, dot com. Thank you, Carol. It's been a great chat. Oh, it's been lovely. Thank you, Anne. Take care.
So friends If you enjoyed this content and would rather not wait until next week for more of the same, you are warmly invited to check out my new membership program. It's called Awaken Dot Plus, and the Enquirer level is open now. If you join as a founder member, the price for you will never rise.
My book, The Mind Body Spirit Mentor, is available on Amazon Anne please leave me a review for the podcast or the book or both, and connect with me on social media Anne keep sending me those suggestions for subjects that you would like me to discuss in future podcasts.