True personal growth ultimately will lead to fulfillment, and it's my intention with these podcasts to connect more deeply with you. Thank you for joining me and Corbin and my guests, and welcome to this episode. What does the word passive mean to you? Do you see it as something positive or negative? One of my many interests is language and how we use it. Also, how its use is changing over time. And an interesting debate has arisen in one of the WhatsApp groups that I'm a part of.
And there's a story behind this. So I'll begin by describing a truly remarkable experience I very recently had the privilege of being a part of. Many of you will know that I'm a coach and a trainer in the field of personal development and consciousness. And together with a group of like minded people who meet regularly to upgrade our skills and learn new principles, tools, and practices, I have the opportunity to attend a 2 day retreat in the Netherlands.
That is to say, I was expecting 2 days, Saturday Sunday, in an out of the ordinary location where we would have time for reflection and meditation, you know, the sort of thing.
And I knew that working with horses would be involved because our hostess, who is a member of the group in any case, is deeply involved with training horses, training people to communicate with horses and thereby improving not only their riding skills but also their life skills and their relationships with others, and of course, with themselves. So, we were advised to arrive on Friday afternoon, and that our first lecture was scheduled for 7 PM.
So some of us chose to spend the day in Amsterdam, and all of us live in the UK apart from a guest speaker who currently resides in Australia, but describes himself as a citizen of the world, and his journey to the Netherlands took 48 hours. Is that commitment or what? Well, the majority of us arrived at the designated local train station in North Netherlands. Regardless of our starting points, within a half hour window late on Friday afternoon. And all of us know each other really well.
So there were the usual hugs and warm greetings, much to the amusement of the local bystanders and the folks in the station cafe. And the usual group energy that we know and love started to build. Before long, our hostess, her husband, and her business partner, who was also known to about half of us, arrived to transport us to our accommodation, and then onwards to her homestead, which was the perfect location for our weekend.
Next door to her house in a separate building is essentially a converted barn, which is used for congregating and for lectures. And then apart from this is the big stable block, and outside of this block on the far corner was an outside area for congregating and for eating and drinking. There's a fridge there and table and chairs, benches, I should say.
And feeling into the peace, the calm, the open fields, the fresh air, the views, and just being at one with nature was our introduction really to this fabulous place in the world. And once everybody had made their way to the homestead, we assembled back up in the lecture room for coffee, our official welcome, and a short training talk about the horses we would be meeting the following day, when we would be kind of introduced to them and start working.
The weather was forecast to be fine, so we were fortunate because it has not been very good in this part of the year all the way up to now in this part of the world. We then proceeded back outside, pass the stable block to one of the more distant paddocks where 4 of the resident horses were roaming free. And we had carried rugs with us, so we quietly settled down in the grass just to watch these horses. And as the light faded, the horses and the humans studied each other.
We'd been told what to observe and watch out for, how each horse would behave a little differently, one would be the leader, one would tend to keep his distance, and so on and so forth. I believe it was intended to be a surprise, but within the past day or so, the news had leaked out. We would be participating in a fire walk before we returned to our accommodation that night.
So the excitement was beginning to build as we returned to the lecture room, and then each of us was presented with a thick Sharpie pen and a cut log of wood. And on this we were invited to write down all the dross that we wanted to release from our lives. The fears, the feelings, the situations, blockages, memories, absolutely anything that we wanted rid of. And then it was back out into the night, but this time into a different field where the fire pit had already been laid.
And this was about a meter wide and at least 3 meters long. So ceremoniously, we each laid our logs. Some people had actually written on 2 of them, and then the fire was lit. Our group leader was a trainer with Tony Robbins for many years, so he's well practiced at setting up fireworks. And first, you watch your log burn, symbolizing the banishment and destruction of all that's wrong with your life. And then, the flames really take hold and burn high.
And you know that before long, you will be walking over the glowing embers of that fire. And this is symbolic too, because if you can walk over 3 meters of hot glowing coals, well, you can do anything, can't you? And then, as we were waiting for the flames to die down and the coals to sorry, the embers to start growing, it was now around 1 AM, somebody noticed a change in the night sky. It was subtle, but it was the promised Aurora Borealis. We had been warned.
It had been on the news that we could expect it. Very unusual this far south, rarely seen. But it's something to do with sunspots or shift in the poles. I'm not exactly sure. Nobody's exactly sure unless they are part of the process. So out came the phones, at least the cameras. And my goodness, those pictures markedly enhanced the the colors. They are so much more vibrant on the pictures, the images, than they are in real life.
I mean, yes, the sky looks different, but it it's nothing like as impressive. So again, this was another privilege. Because if I had been back in the UK, I would probably have been in bed, probably wouldn't have stayed up because the last time it was announced, couldn't see for cloud cover. And what made this so memorable was the group experience and the cameras, and even taking pictures of each other with the the multicolored sky in the background. Well, each one of us performed the fire walk.
Some of us did it twice for good measure. What an achievement. And what a phenomenal start to a retreat weekend that was beginning to take on a life of its own. And because of this 3 AM finish, we were allowed a lie in on the Saturday. So by the time we arrived back at the establishment, the sun was high in the sky and it was hot, positively hot. And this is a new experience in this part of the world, at least at this time of year.
And there was another challenge or breakthrough experience arranged. Each of us was invited to fall backwards blindfolded from a height of 3 or 4 feet, trusting that we would be caught by our teammates. Some found this more daunting than the fire walk. There were tears from several, either of elation or just of relief, and only one of us couldn't bring themselves to perform that fall. After lunch, we got to work with the horses.
Now these are strong, patient, and perceptive animals who only want to please their handlers, assuming they're not coping with some trauma of their own. But the ones we were introduced to are very well treated, brilliantly trained, and they clearly love their owners. Learning how to handle and lead a horse is an ideal way of practicing people skills, because your breathing, your posture, focus and intention all communicate silently with the horse who reacts.
So when you are not understood by this patient and willing partner in the exercise, the horse will not respond and that lets you know that you are not being clear with your body language, your intention and the whole package. You see with humans, we expect that our words will do all the work, but they don't. Your words, your voice only forms about 7% of your communication. It's everything else that gets forgotten about, and this is a a serious part of leadership.
So all of us were using ropes attached to the horse's bridles as we led them around the paddock or told them to go faster, slower, when to stop, and what else to do. And then the following morning, our hostess gave us a very impressive demonstration of handling her horse just by command, as she stood a few feet away from him. She had him walking in circles, trotting backwards and forwards, literally walking backwards, raising a foot when asked to do so.
And I was reminded of those beautiful and famous white horses from Vienna known as the Lipizzaners. If you've had the privilege of seeing those forming in unison, it's an unforgettable experience. So over what was really 3 days, if you count the long session on the Friday night and why not, it was as long as a normal working day, and it was an integral part of that fabulous weekend.
So interspersed with the out of doors, hands on experiences, there were a few short lectures on various topics, but not nearly as many as were originally intended because the extraordinarily hot weather and the magic of being together in this amazing experience at a location that honestly could have been, purpose designed for us, but clearly it wasn't. It had caused the organizers of the retreat to change their plans as we went along. And why not?
It wouldn't have been the same if we had been cooped up in the lecture room with all that endless possibility and energy and fresh air, sunshine outside. So we were able to spend more time with the horses, more time out of doors playing interesting management games, and all the while, we were soaking up the sun because to be honest, there really wasn't much shade. So all of us came back home different shades of pink if not red by the end of the weekend.
So all in all, it was a fabulous never to be gotten never to be forgotten experience which I'm so delighted to have been a part of. And just to finish what I started about this word passive, in the horse world and herd dynamics, passive is good. A passive leader or trainer gives to the horse what the horse needs, whereas a boss will manipulate and control by punishment, by taking away what the horse needs.
Now one of our group who teaches leadership challenged very strongly this use of the word passive, saying that in the management world, being seen as passive is being the opposite of active and this causes people to walk over you and take advantage. But in the horse world, preserving the herd energy is good. So the leader gives small cues, and if fully trusted, then these cues are more than enough. So, as you choose your words, be aware of your audience.
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