Tara Ariano returns to send Season 4 of QIF out on an ice floe with Something To Talk About , 1995's marriage/family dramedy starring Julia Roberts; directed by Lasse Hallstrom (!); and written by Callie Khouri (!!). What is it about this "Hallmark movie, but with an associates degree" that lets it hold together despite what Tara called "a fundamental 'should this have happened? maybe not?' quality"? Good sister chemistry with Kyra Sedgwick and a couple of relatable town gossips triumph over zyd...
Apr 08, 2021•34 min
The good news is, Dennis Quaid is great in Wyatt Earp ! The bad news is...the "in Wyatt Earp " part, as the film is interminable, perfused with beige Costnerian self-regard, and did we mention how long it is? It's long, which I guess is what happens when you cast literally half of SAG. Tom Sizemore, the poor man's Tom Sizemore, apparitions of fatherliness, and the endless wait for arrival at the corralworks factory all detract from a fascinating steampunk performance from Quaid in an all-new Qua...
Mar 12, 2021•33 min
Is it in your blood? We're tackling 1993's Flesh & Bone , featuring Jimmy Caan shoulders; a hall-of-fame patented "look bored and smoke" performance from Gwynnie; armadillo fan fic; Sophoclean MFA-program writing prompts; Car Guy Sarah not being a car guy; the conflation of Johnnies Damon and Depp; and a successful iteration of Dennis Del Mar. Pack up your painted chickens -- it's an all-new Quaid In Full. Overall score: 6.75 QQQ score: 6.25 SHOW NOTES Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our...
Feb 25, 2021•41 min
Our second ep in a row with the I Don't Even Own A Television crew features JW Friedman -- and a much better, fizzier film all around, despite dragging us back to Nawlins and almost going full zydeco. This "nearly totally frictionless" caper is "a happier flavor of so-so" than we anticipated, but we still have questions, like whether the Coens are secret Quaidheads, if/how Herbert Ross directs his actors, what an Ocean's Two would look like, and why we're being punished with a combination of Vin...
Feb 18, 2021•39 min
Chris Collision of the I Don't Even Own A Television podcast is joining us for the misbegotten Wilder Napalm , the early Vince Gilligan joint that would have made a much better X-Files episode than it did a feature film. Arli$$ jokes, aggressive quirk, a Van Helsing comparison somehow, beefcake snarling at each other, Manic Pixie Dream Winger, and a lead who should have failed out of clown college all add up to a very nineties pyrokinetic love triangle with no figurative fireworks. Close up the ...
Feb 11, 2021•43 min
Everybody is in 1990 Mike Nichols joint Postcards From The Edge -- and almost everybody's on our episode discussing it! Returning guest John Ramos and first-time longtime Tara Ariano join us to talk about forgotten addiction storylines, if it's possible to miscast Meryl Streep, the Gene Hackman podcast we all long for, acting-legend master classes, and character studies of yesteryear that would be TV shows today. Plus, ONE of us listened to The Dennissance...and another one of us feels pretty gu...
Feb 04, 2021•53 min
It's a love story, a family story, AND a history that probably got sold on the strength of Dennis Quaid's involvement...even though he really shouldn't be Great White Savioring it up with the windows closed in the first place, but we do find a handful of things to like about 1991's Come See The Paradise . It's from the director of Birdy , Fame , and other fondly remembered properties; it's also miscast, oddly scored, and about 20 more minutes of reading The Japanese Internment Camps: An Explaine...
Jan 28, 2021•34 min
What can we say about this offensively misconceived slice of Jerry Lee Lewis's late-'50s life, one that casts his "relationship" (ugh) with his 13-year-old cousin (blerf) as a quirkumstance of romantical fate? Well, we can say cocaine was involved; we can wonder if the estate of Foghorn Leghorn sued Dennis Quaid's performance for copyright infringement; and we can admire Winona Ryder's performance as Myra Gale while thinking it makes the story immeasurably ickier. On a scale of one to Hasselhoff...
Dec 24, 2020•28 min
Craig Calcaterra joins us this week for a very sports-movie-y sports movie: Everybody's All-American , a "one wedding and one long funeral" look at a college gridiron star's early peak and interminable fall that doesn't know which set of Quarterback Agonistes clichés it wants to use, and recycled Sophie's Choice 's Stingo as Timothy Hutton's Cake, with merkinacious results. The three of us had a lot of questions -- why the hot cousin is A Thing in the Quaidverse, why the movie isn't about Jessic...
Dec 17, 2020•38 min
It's another thriller, but we aren't thrilled by 1988's D.O.A. , featuring Dennis Quaid as a former wunderkind novelist turned tenured professor in a rut. No: really. Is that off-label casting why this confrontationally sweaty film doesn't work? Is it the lack of onscreen chemistry between Quaid and Jane Kaczmarek...AND Jane and Meg Ryan? Does a fetal Robert "T-Bag" Knepper need more to do? New Coke, Silk Stalkings , Wonder Boys , Binder & Binder, and the heartbreak of chronic zydeco all fac...
Dec 10, 2020•41 min
We're back! And we're joined by John Ramos, JD (Juris Dennisor) for our discussion of 1987 legal thriller Suspect -- a formative Quaid property for John and SDB (and Jeb's mom?) that's greater than the sum of some awkward parts, including a martini served in a parfait glass; Quaid's character hailing from Wisconsin; a Schoolhouse Rock episode on lobbying; weird bald-cap choices by John Mahoney; and a Southern firehose of charm. How do you talk to an angel...or make out with an expensive candle? ...
Dec 04, 2020•40 min
Both your co-hosts saw Innerspace about a squillion times as kids; does it hold up? Is director Joe Dante secretly a master? Why wasn't the film marketed as a thriller for tweens and teens? Where do '80s movies' ideas about nightclubs come from? And will this 1987 film about a nanoscopic test pilot journeying through Martin Short to greater maturity bring you the highest Quaidosity rating yet? ...Before we answer these questions, we'll finally confront less than half a minute of The Dennissance,...
Nov 12, 2020•34 min
The Big Easy : where dancing is a way of life, allegedly -- and so, alas, is Epcot-Cajun exposition, sexist condescension to "uptight" ladies, and an ambient horniness that doesn't quite translate here in 2020. But it's not all bad, because Ned Beatty wears a crawdad hat, Jim Garrison plays himself, and we did NOT get recreationally upset about a podcast not our own. You'll love this episode like a pig loves corn; listen now! ("Onh honh honh honh honnnnh." Overall score: 2.25 QQQ score: 7.75 SHO...
Nov 05, 2020•35 min
Well, there's one excellent performance in Enemy Mine -- but it's not Dennis Quaid's, and it's not the script's. This clumsy Dennis Of Arabia In Space joint with the ending of A New Hope stapled onto the back sees DQ "overmatched in almost every way": lots of traipsing, LOTS of goo, a turgid voiceover, and...space-funeral processing. Grab a lint-anemone wig and have a listen! Overall score: 3.5 QQQ score: 2.5 SHOW NOTES Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page If we're not going to h...
Oct 29, 2020•40 min
QIF returns for what is probably the ur-Quaidiest season in the line-up, and we kick off the mid-to-late-'80s portion of Dennis Quaid's c.v. with Dreamscape , featuring a roguish semi-retired clairvoyant's journey into political dream disinformation. ...Look, it was the Reagan era; nightmares looked different back then. But is this thriller actually thrilling? Or are we too easily distracted by Val Kilmer vehicles of the same era; the melancholy death of Norm; "well meaning" special effects; and...
Oct 22, 2020•38 min
Bill manipulated us pretty effectively back in Episode 7 of this season; how well did the sequel do? This superfluous -- and anticlimactically un-Quaidish -- follow-up relies a great deal on how much viewers enjoy mid-'80s Helen Hunt; the harmonica; the redemption of some guy named Doug; and investigating early inspirations for the This Is Us killer crockpot. Join us for hot zoning action as we wrap up QIF's second season. Overall score: 4.5 QQQ score: 2 SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the costs ...
Sep 10, 2020•31 min
The Right Stuff launches our scoring into the stratosphere along with the Mercury 7, and our conversation orbits our late grandfathers, poppy-fields movies, witty takedowns of bureaucracy, Mrs. Grissom agonistes, flaming wienies, when critics willfully miss the point, and actors playing non-actors who are bad at acting. This is the best and the Quaidiest film we've contemplated yet, so supply your own helmets and have a listen. Overall score: 9 QQQ score: 9 SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the cos...
Sep 03, 2020•48 min
Finally, one you've heard of! ...Unfortunately. 1983's third sequel to the classic Jaws features a mother/baby murder team, shark science a third-grader could debunk, dubious canoodling, the Texan-est Red Sox fan in film history, and 17 different arts-and-crafts dorsal fins, each shittier than the last. Why is Dennis Quaid hurling a golf-cart driver to the ground? Why are we talking about Celebration, FL? Should we have watched the movie with 3D glasses? Send a kid out for some SeaCorn(tm) and s...
Aug 27, 2020•48 min
No, not the Fabulous T-Birds song -- it's a 1983 cornpone Rocky featuring Dennis Quaid's cartoonishly bad boxing, not nearly enough Pam Grier, and the rare Warren Oates character we wanted to see more of. Why didn't we see the Battling Burger Chefs? Was the late Wilford Brimley even old enough to order a beer in this joint? Is this a Quaidy outing for our hero, or is that just gas? And why the hell did the studio dump this on the same weekend as Return Of The Jedi ? Turn off that Manson Family Z...
Aug 20, 2020•34 min
Peevish social-services pinko John-Boy Walton befriends a young Deaf woman in Ruraltania...but doesn't fall in love with her until she's home-invaded by her rapist, Dennis Quaid, whose biological clock gets his head blown off. This was a TV movie, you guys. We couldn't find any contemporary reviews of it; we kept calling it Hannah Montana and Johnny Dangerously ; we have a lot of questions about WHEN the movie thinks it is...but we weren't bored! Shove your other commitments off a railroad trest...
Aug 13, 2020•47 min
The 1981 TV movie that netted Mickey Rooney an Emmy AND a Globe, Bill is a lot better than we expected: not too much Afterschool Special speechifying about mainstreaming (the movie), and not too much cringing (us). But it's not perfect -- character development occurs in an evening, and is denoted by The Shawl-Collar Sweater Of Adulthood -- and we struggled to rate the Quaidiferousness of a film that had Dennis Quaid in every scene, doing decent work...but miscast. Failing to listen to the Dennis...
Aug 07, 2020•38 min
Or, "Wait, What?" ...Dennis Quaid is allegedly in Stripes , for like three seconds, because at the time he was married to the main character's love interest, but we didn't see him, and we had a pretty hard time seeing why this was a foundational comedy-head go-to movie back in the day. Well, one of us did, because insufferable Bill Murray shtick was not adequately offset by sightings of breasts. Is this the oldest-looking 29 in film? Does John Larroquette bail out his scenes? Can we get a morato...
Jul 31, 2020•25 min
No, it doesn't really have anything to do with the song -- but there's a LOT of singing, and when Dennis Quaid's doing it, it's not half bad! When Kristy McNichol's doing it, it's...a LOT of singing! There's also a lot of feathered hair, inappropriate sibling interaction, and day-drinking in this interminable tale of a brother and sister trying (to varying degrees) to make it in country music with the dubious help of Luke Skywalker. Cameos by Barry Corbin, Errol Morris, Felipe Alou, Dennis Quaid...
Jul 24, 2020•39 min
Is Caveman as bad as you've heard? Well, aside from Shelley Long, and a bit of business with the world's first fried egg...yes. Yes, it is. Ringo Starr's prehistoric journey to love features the invention of fire, mildewy dinosaur costumes, "Thus Spake Faux-rathustra," and a light dusting of that heap o' cocaine from the pitch meeting. Dennis Quaid's energetically Cats approach to the blocking is admirable...but how Quaid-y is this? Overall score: 1.75 QQQ score: 2.5 SHOW NOTES Want to help defr...
Jul 17, 2020•33 min
Rewrites for Barbra Streisand + Gene Hackman and Dennis Quaid forming the hypotenuse of a father-son love triangle + weirdly loud shoes + DQ doing a Grape Ape imitation = All Night Long , a strangely static sex farce that somehow inspired us to compare it to Malick AND Pakula. It also led to a Buntsy rant on why KITT even has regular pursuit mode if Michael's never going to use it, but...what doesn't. Overall score: 2.25 QQQ score: 3.5 SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like ge...
Jul 10, 2020•44 min
Declare your independence from competent directing with 1980's G.O.R.P , an interminable Wet Hot Animal House Meatballs farce that confused Jeb and angered Sarah. Can a movie with a fairly clever Dracula runner, Altman-esque montages, and Dennis Quaid's naked bum really be that bad? Sign our Justice For Sally Kellerman Characters petition and find out! Overall score: 2 QQQ score: 2.5 SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a f...
Jul 03, 2020•50 min
QIF finally returns with a new co-host, Jeb Lund, and a look at The Long Riders , Walter Hill's 1980 take on 19th-century bandits the Cole-Younger gang -- most noteworthy for the stunt-casting of real-life sets of brothers as various related parties, including the Carradines, Keaches, Guests...and Quaids. How Quaidy is this property, even with a lingering top note of Randy? What's with casting James Remar as a cartoonish Native American -- and the leveraging of the-South-will-rise-again pathos f...
Jun 26, 2020•39 min
QIF's first season comes to a close with the first truly Quaidy property on the man's c.v. -- 1979's Breaking Away , a minor classic I had trouble reviewing, because I've seen it so many times, it's like a family member. Old friends, new beginnings, the correct pronunciation of "REFUND?!", and the M and LVPs of Season 1 in an all-new Quaid In Full. Fill an ashtray with cat food and have a listen! SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode ma...
Nov 08, 2019•17 min
It's another TV movie as we enter the homestretch of QIF's first season: Amateur Night At The Dixie Bar And Grill , a surprisingly watchable Nashville knockoff starring not just Dennis Quaid but Don Johnson, Pinky Tuscadero, Isaiah Edwards from Little House , and...Kyle Richards? Come for Tanya Tucker's debut, stay for the Quaid tunesmithery in Episode 8. SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's ...
Nov 01, 2019•11 min
A uninteresting and deeply problematic TV movie with a horror-movie shell and an Afterschool Special center, Are You In The House Alone? introduces me to the concept of the Un-Quaidy Valley -- and introduces the rest of the world to David Keith. Schoolyard doowop, a brawl in an art-supplies closet, a visit to the Oversight Committee on the occasion of Mr. Quaid's engagement, and more! SHOW NOTES Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a ...
Oct 25, 2019•16 min
