People often consider self-respect to be a unilateral positive that has no downside. However, this isn't true. The problem with self-respect is that it is costly. Using Linehan's model of interpersonal effectiveness, I explain why standing up for yourself can often lead to sub-optimal outcomes. This goal should only be prioritized sparingly to ensure objective effectiveness and harmonious relationships. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd...
Jul 22, 2024•11 min•Ep. 459
Despite the development of several technologies to facilitate the experience, dating seems more challenging and confusing than ever. In point of fact, dating apps are making it harder to date -- though why this might be the case is a little counterintuitive. In this episode, which is based on an except of my book, I explain why fewer sexual relationships are being transacted in the age of dating apps using the concept of perceived supply and demand. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Boo...
Jul 19, 2024•11 min•Ep. 458
I've been conducting a lot of consultations with men recently who are the horns of a dilemma, namely: they feel the need to choose between two women for a relationship. In every instance, they fall prey to the cognitive trap of comparing the women in question against each other. In this episode, I explain why this tends to leads to sub-optimal outcomes and how to approach this "good" problem more effectively. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarab...
Jul 15, 2024•9 min•Ep. 457
This is the third part in my three-part series on why successful men use escorts. Just like in the commercial marketplace, you typically get what you pay for in the sexual marketplace, as well. In this episode, I respond to the most common objections to the use of escorts, in particular, and to transactional relationships, in general. This should help women better position themselves to effectively target successful men for relationships, if they so choose. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3Ul...
Jul 12, 2024•15 min•Ep. 456
This is the second part in my three-part series on why successful men use escorts. Much like exceptionally beautiful women, very successful men are priced out of the sexual marketplace as traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive for them. The $50,000 beer exemplifies how opportunity cost can influence behavior among these populations to a greater extent than can intrinsic personality factors. Differences between scarcity and abundance mentality are also discussed. Pre-order my book: htt...
Jul 08, 2024•18 min•Ep. 455
This is the first episode of a three-part series on why successful men use escorts. It turns out that the rich and the beautiful have something in common when it comes to the game of mating and dating: they can both inadvertently price themselves out of the sexual marketplace. By understanding how traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive as a function of a man's success, women can better position themselves to target successful men for relationships, if they so choose. Pre-order my book...
Jul 05, 2024•11 min•Ep. 454
Not matter the amount of due diligence a man conducts in the courtship process, women will always remain a role of the dice. So it's important to approach relationships like one would approach gambling. And the fundamental rule of gambling is never to bet with more than you can afford to lose. This is essential to keep in mind when dealing with women not only because all relationships eventually end but because they typically don't end equally. Over a long enough time line, the house always wins...
Jul 01, 2024•11 min•Ep. 453
The contemporary sexual marketplace is witnessing a Mexican standoff between men and women. Women want men to "do better," and men want women to be reasonable. Both sides are increasingly comfortable remaining single until their demands are met. In this episode, I discuss the way out of this standoff by examining how the power differential between men and women changes as a function of time. If your house is on fire, then you need to be a motivated seller. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3Uls...
Jun 28, 2024•14 min•Ep. 452
My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will...
Jun 24, 2024•11 min•Ep. 451
Given the state of modern courtship, in which sex precedes commitment, many women are concerned about "being used" in the dating process. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Just like most men have to expose themselves to potentially being used for their resources to secure a relationship, most women have to allow themselves to run the risk of being used sexually to get the same. The alternative to being used is being ornamental, which (for better or worse) is not a viable option for mos...
Jun 21, 2024•14 min•Ep. 450
When I started this channel, I made a commitment to myself that I would publish content regularly for three years before I allowed myself to evaluate whether I would continue with the project. Today my commitment to myself has been fulfilled. In this episode, I talk about my process and some of the tools that helped me stay disciplined in the absence of any positive reinforcement. I also briefly discuss the path ahead. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://...
Jun 17, 2024•12 min•Ep. 449
The fundamental premise of my forthcoming book, "The Value of Others," is that relationships are the media in which value is transacted. Some people balk at this definition because it runs counter to the felt experience of their own relationships. However, this could be due to the fact that their relationships are functional. In a good relationship, the transaction is invisible. It's generally only when things get out of balance that this tacit arrangement is brought into the light. Pre-order my...
Jun 14, 2024•11 min•Ep. 448
A certain class of woman is both highly attractive to (and potentially dangerous for) many men, namely: the woman without a life of her own. In this episode, I argue that these women are like construction workers: they're potentially one setback away from a forced retirement without a backup plan. As a result, they will typically be very pushy for commitment (and very contentious in separation). Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/con...
Jun 10, 2024•10 min•Ep. 443
The fundamental game at the heart of romance is hide-and-seek. Romantics cut out a part of themselves, hide that part in someone of their choosing, and then forget about the cutting and the hiding and the choosing. This process imbues love with the possibility of mythic alchemy: the completion of the self in union with the other. However, romantics have always ever already been whole. Unfortunately, remembering this makes it harder to keep playing the game. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3Ul...
Jun 07, 2024•11 min•Ep. 447
I consider myself a perfectionist in recovery. In this episode, I discuss some of the realizations I had that helped me overcome this debilitating habit many years ago. By understanding why (and how) I was selectively attending to certain aspects of my work and life (and not others), I was able to see the absurdity at the heart of my perfectionism, which substantially affected my willingness to maintain the habit. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://orion...
Jun 03, 2024•11 min•Ep. 446
Among other things, successful businesses make it easy for their customers to hand over their money. Introducing unnecessary steps into the sales funnel only decreases revenue and customer satisfaction. The same holds true with successful women: they make it easy for their men to love them. Introducing unnecessary steps into the love funnel only decreases affection and relationship satisfaction. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: ...
May 31, 2024•11 min•Ep. 442
I haven't had a single headed argument with anyone since adopting this tactic years ago. Contrary to popular belief, the most appropriate time to bring up certain issues may not be when they feel most emotionally salient. By striking when the iron is cold, people can increase the likelihood of being heard and bypassing defensiveness. In this episode, I discuss the importance of waiting for your moment. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd....
May 27, 2024•10 min•Ep. 445
If someone is actually willing to make the effort to do what you want, then under no circumstances should you ever punish them for doing so. It is a much better idea to focus on the parts that they are doing right than to emphasize the (potentially many) parts that they are still doing wrong. By rewarding successive approximations to the target behavior, you can leverage the power of shaping. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: htt...
May 24, 2024•11 min•Ep. 444
Every woman is (at least) two women: the public-facing persona that she shows the world, and the bedroom persona that she shows her lover. Treating the one like the other is likely to result in complaints and hurt feelings. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to glean reliable information about the bedroom persona by observing the public-facing persona, which complicates dating for both men and women. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid cons...
May 20, 2024•10 min•Ep. 441
Though I'm not particularly famous, I have noticed a number of changes in how people treat me since my channel became popular nearly a year ago. And these changes have overwhelmingly been positive: many men and women now go out of their way to show their appreciation and respect. However, this has taken some getting used to, since -- as I explain in this episode -- this is the first time in my adult life that people I don't know have shown me kindness. Ultimately, I conclude that being famous is...
May 17, 2024•11 min•Ep. 440
One of the reasons the Supreme Court can give for deciding not to hear a particular case is that "the court does not deal in trifles. Prioritizing the insignificant above the truly important is not only wasteful, it is disrespectful. Liberally granting your time and attention is like printing more money: the subsequent inflation only serves to devalue the circulating currency. This means that it is essential to learn how to say "no." Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consult...
May 13, 2024•11 min•Ep. 439
Women must take an increasingly active approach to dating as they age. They do this by reclaiming their power to initiate interactions with men. By "dropping a handkerchief," women signal that they would be amenable to an overture, which significantly alters the risk-reward profile of a cold approach. In this episode, I discuss one way women can do this: the "come hither stare." Pre-order my book: https://amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscr...
May 10, 2024•11 min•Ep. 431
In this second episode of a two-part series, I discuss the economic incentives driving the West's epidemic of mental illness. Given certain regulatory requirements, it is generally easier for drug companies to receive FDA approval if their products treat disorders that do not already have a treatment of demonstrated efficacy. This motivates the proliferation of new disorders and an ever-widening definition of pathology. By definition, more and more people become mentally ill, who will be offered...
May 06, 2024•16 min•Ep. 436
In this first episode of a two-part series, I discuss some of the uncomfortable realities about the West's epidemic of mental illness. First and foremost, it's important to understand the concept of reification, which is the process by which something that isn't really a thing becomes a thing in individual perception. Through reification, a constellation of symptoms becomes a mental disorder, and the sufferer of those symptoms is placed at further remove from individual responsibility. Pre-order...
May 03, 2024•14 min•Ep. 438
The common definition of a miracle is an event that shouldn't be possible given our understanding of physical reality. As such, the standard of comparison is the "normal" functioning of reality, which is considered "non-miraculous" by definition. However, if the standard of comparison were shifted to the no-thingness of pre-creation, then everything -- down to the most insignificant and commonplace details of life -- becomes miraculous. This is because there is nothing in nothing that could pres...
Apr 29, 2024•10 min•Ep. 437
No one likes the idea of being restricted. However, limitations benefit you in several substantive ways. In the first place, they help prevent your life from going off the rails when you finally attain the success for which you have been striving. And in the second place, they force you to become better than you are to compensate for the self-imposed handicap. These are your "batman rules." I discuss more in today's episode. Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Su...
Apr 26, 2024•12 min•Ep. 433
The idea that mutual understanding naturally leads to the cessation of conflict is erroneous. While understanding may help people respond to others with greater patience and compassion, it does little to change the original needs and desires that demand understanding. Those who seek to be understood are asking for a concession: they want others to change because they believe they can't (or won't) do so themselves. Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to ...
Apr 22, 2024•11 min•Ep. 432
Men don't approach marriage the same way that women do. Given the enormous risk and responsibility entailed, most men will only consider the possibility of marriage when everything in their life is working. This means that they have arrived at some measure of professional success and financial security, and that there are no significant problems in their relationships. In order to get married, it's much more important that women be unproblematic than highly desirable. Book a paid consultation: h...
Apr 19, 2024•12 min•Ep. 430
I've spoken to a number of women recently who were inappropriately pessimistic about their chances of getting married, simply due to their age. While it's true that women operate under an increasing disadvantage in the sexual marketplace in their 30s, that doesn't mean they can't still win. They just need to change their strategy. In this episode, I discuss further. Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com Socia...
Apr 15, 2024•12 min•Ep. 429
I've consulted many men who were recently given the marriage ultimatum by their girlfriends, and who were legitimately conflicted about how to proceed. In this episode, I explain how getting more of what one wants is inversely related to both men and women's use of pressure in relationships. In particular, I note that any woman who gives this ultimatum is confessing that she loves what she wants more than she loves you. It's not personal, it's just business. Book a paid consultation: https://ori...
Apr 12, 2024•12 min•Ep. 428
