In this episode, I will discuss another important aspect of romantic love: solipsism. This is the belief that nothing exists outside of the self, or -- in the case of romantic love -- outside of the merged dyad. As I explained in a previous episode in the series, "Romance is for men," romance was invented by lower-status men for lower-status men as a means of competing with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As a result, one of the imperatives of the romantic lover is to lure the lo...
Nov 02, 2022•5 min•Ep. 245
This is another episode in my "Neglected kinds of love" series, in which I approach the concept of love from a spiritual perspective by examining the observed relationship between the Higher Power and the created universe. In this episode, I'll make the argument that space is an attribute of love, a kind of loving. Though we build structure, we use emptiness. And this emptiness is the container within which life and prosperity are possible -- so it must be aligned with love, the force that nurtu...
Oct 31, 2022•3 min•Ep. 241
In a previous episode, "Three steps to becoming more confident," I discussed the pathway embedded in my working definition of confidence, namely: the consistent, felt experience of success. In this episode, I'll reveal a mystery in the word itself that can take our comprehension of the concept to the next level. What does confidence have to do with faith? And how can we use faith to become more confident? #confidence #faith #selflove
Oct 29, 2022•3 min•Ep. 243
Given my experience as an actor, I was able to learn a good deal about gay culture and relationships. This allowed me to identify a few things that gay folks do well in their relationships and that straight folks would do well to acknowledge. Foremost among these things is the lack of reliance on assumptive frameworks when creating the structure of a relationship. Since there aren't really any publicly-visible, archetypal models for gay relationships, everything about that relationship must be e...
Oct 27, 2022•4 min•Ep. 234
This episode discusses one of my most mind-blowing realizations about romance. Most folks -- men and women -- believe that the modern expressions of romance -- flowers and poetry and bent-knee proposals -- are for women. However, this is not actually the case. The truth of the matter is that romance is for men, specifically lower-status men who historically have found it difficult to compete with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As I will discuss, evidence for this perspective is ...
Oct 25, 2022•7 min•Ep. 244
If you're having trouble keeping a promising relationship past the six-month mark, then this episode is for you. The truth is that most relationships don't last, and the primary reason why they don't is something that I call the "crisis of disillusionment." Almost all relationships are built upon an initial foundation of projected fantasy. Over time, disconfirming evidence to the contrary accumulates and the fantasy eventually is unable to withstand the assault of reality: this is the crisis of ...
Oct 23, 2022•4 min•Ep. 240
Make no mistake: sex is important to women. However, as important as it is, it's not as important to women as it is to men. In this episode, I'll attempt to explain why sex is so important to men, and why it's the key to keeping men in your life. To do this, I'll make use of an analogy from the other big pillar of adult life: work. In the hierarchy of needs, it makes sense to prioritize those that are unique to a given relationship. #sex #dating #relationship
Oct 21, 2022•5 min•Ep. 239
This episode builds on the conclusions of my previous episode, "Women want it all." Today I'll be tackling the age-old complaint of all also-rans: nice guys finish last. The flip side of this is the analogous complaint that women love jerks. However, it only looks like women choose jerks from the perspective of nice guys. The fact of the matter is that this isn't entirely true, and I'll explain why using the results of psychological research. And since men typically understand business better th...
Oct 19, 2022•5 min•Ep. 238
Today I'm going to be talking about one of my all-time favorite pieces of psychological research, an article entitled "Attractive women want it all" (see link below). When presented with an extensive list of potential partner attributes, women ranked as most attractive by a panel of men expressed an interest in every attribute on the list. They literally wanted every single thing. However, they apparently didn't want every single thing equally. I'll discuss the upshot of this research with respe...
Oct 17, 2022•4 min•Ep. 236
I was recently inspired to begin a series on what seems to me to be socially neglected attributes of love. My model for love is spiritual, and -- assuming a omnibenevolent Higher Power -- I try to understand what love is by observing the Divine's relationship with the created universe. Assuming this framework takes us far away from the comfortable, fuzzy feelings that dominate the social conception of love. In this episode, I'll discuss one aspect of that observed relationship, namely: order. Or...
Oct 15, 2022•3 min•Ep. 237
This is an episode for women trying to use online dating apps to enter into relationships with men. Pre-screening is when the woman takes control of the courtship and attempts to further qualify the man after he asks her out on a date. While this is almost certainly done by women out of a desire not to waste their time, my argument is that pre-screening is not a good idea, as it generally does not achieve the women's desired outcome. There are three reasons why this is the case, as I discuss in ...
Oct 13, 2022•5 min•Ep. 235
I often hear women on the dating market speak of their difficulties in finding a man interested in a committed, long-term relationship. In this episode, I will explain why that might be the case. To the extent that the purpose of dating is to enter into such a relationship, modern dating doesn't work. And that is because the privileges given to and the responsibilities expected of men are not allocated properly over the course of a relationship to incentivize his commitment. Until this is addres...
Oct 11, 2022•6 min•Ep. 232
This one is for the ladies. In this episode, I'll explain how you may be inadvertently messing up with the men you actually want to keep in your life. Most women punish the men they like, and this behavior can drive away the ones you want to stay. Absenting an explicit commitment to the contrary, if a certain behavior wouldn't bother you coming from a man you could take or leave, you shouldn't let it bother you coming from a man you really like. This doesn't mean putting up with bad behavior. It...
Oct 09, 2022•4 min•Ep. 233
Much has been said of late on men's attraction to younger women, and much of this has been said before. Men are visual creatures; men are expressing a preference; men are using beauty as a signal for fertility, etc. You already know these reasons, so this episode does not discuss them. This episode discusses another reason men are attracted to younger women: a reason so obvious that it almost never gets talked about (though it's staring us all in the face). #dating #attraction #men
Oct 07, 2022•4 min•Ep. 242
This episode is a continuation of a previous episode, entitled "Women have more options in the sexual marketplace." In that episode, I mentioned how the modern optionality of women down at the docks solves some problems and creates others. This episode will be devoted to examining the biggest problem created by this optionality: the two body problem. What happens when two captains enter into a relationship? The outcome is fairly predictable. #dating #relationship #sex
Oct 05, 2022•5 min•Ep. 231
In a short responding to a comment to my episode, "What is the sexual marketplace?", I noted in passing that women have more options in the sexual marketplace. I'll explain why this is true in this episode. In short, women today are supported, encouraged, and incentivized to become captains themselves. This means that women have two options available to them when they go down to the docks: they can build a boat or they can enlist as a passenger. Men, however, still only have one real option. The...
Oct 03, 2022•4 min•Ep. 230
This has been my single most important realization with respect to dating and relationships, as it helped me understand much about the process that would otherwise have remained painful and incomprehensible. Women treat men the way men treat jobs. Women enter into relationships with men who they believe can offer them the best opportunity to further their goals, all other things being equal, and they will lateral to another relationship if another man can entice them with a more compelling offer...
Oct 01, 2022•6 min•Ep. 229
The mastery of life boils down to one thing: the ability to be in the world, but not of the world. This is extremely easy to say and extraordinarily difficult to do. It means to participate fully in one's life and to cultivate the good that is possible, while remaining completely non-attached to one's life and prepared to surrender the cultivated good, as needed. This is a sign of spiritual mastery and model of being to which we can all aspire. #master #spritual #life
Sep 29, 2022•3 min•Ep. 228
Masculinity and femininity are concepts that demand definition. In my personal opinion, both are attributes of the soul that are correlated to (but not coincident with) biological sex. As such, both men and women possess masculine and feminine aspects, and some folks are high (or low) in both. Like many other topics, the present one reminds us that people are complex, and that we shouldn't work too hard to restrict our thinking to "all-or-nothing," dichotomous poles. #masculinity #femininity #ge...
Sep 27, 2022•3 min•Ep. 227
One of the inescapable realities of human existence is that every action bears a likeness to the internal state of the actor. This means that we can't not communicate. That said, the intended state is not always accurately perceived by the observer, and the observer can occasionally perceive internal states that were not intended by the actor. To illustrate these principles, I discuss an historical example from the operation of the Allied intelligence agencies during World War II. #communication...
Sep 25, 2022•4 min•Ep. 226
In the popular imagination, every emotional wound can be healed with sufficient time and adequate treatment. However, this is not true. Not everyone can be saved, and therapy doesn't always work. What's more, when it does work, it often creates a kind of scar, which (like its physical analogue) lacks the suppleness and sensitivity of the original material. We all must grieve what doesn't return through healing. That said, there is usually enough left over for us to keep moving forward. #healing ...
Sep 23, 2022•4 min•Ep. 225
Like pleasure and pain, there is a fundamental and irreducible asymmetry between creation and destruction. That which required decades of painstaking labor and inordinate talent to create can be destroyed in a matter of seconds with sufficient power and malice. A great example of this imbalance can be found in the realm of social media. I'll discuss more in this episode. #creative #destruction #socialmedia
Sep 21, 2022•3 min•Ep. 224
Though extremely complex, society is fundamentally a collection of relationships between and among individuals. So what is true about relationships often holds true for society, as well. Consequently, much like individuals can find themselves in passionate romantic relationships, society can find itself in passionate ideological movements. In both cases, however, the experience is short-lived: the fire burns with such intensity that it cannot be sustained. In fact, humanity changes slowly, if at...
Sep 19, 2022•4 min•Ep. 223
One of the most widely-known verses of the New Testament is the one in which Jesus instructs us to "love your neighbor as yourself." This verse is usually understood to be a commandment, and it certainly can be interpreted as such. However, there is another way of looking at this instruction as a revelatory observation on reality, namely: that you love your neighbor as you love yourself. I'll discuss this interpretation further in this episode. #jesus #love #christianity
Sep 17, 2022•3 min•Ep. 222
In a previous podcast, I discussed how there are really only two ways to go about dating: you can hunt or you can fish. In this episode, I'll be talking about hunting: what it is and how to do it well. This is an approach that generally works better the higher your standardized sexual marketplace value; however, everyone can improve their skills in this regard. Listen to the episode to learn more. #dating #hunting #relationships
Sep 15, 2022•4 min•Ep. 221
According to recent statistics, women are anywhere from one-and-a-half to three times more likely to seek out mental health services in a given 12-month period than men are. This means that between 60-75% of psychotherapy patients at any given time are women. Why might this be the case? In this episode, I will discuss my pet theory on the subject, which describes how several historical factors conspired to enshrine certain biases in the theory and practice of psychotherapy that continue to exude...
Sep 13, 2022•6 min•Ep. 220
The word "conviction" has a mystery inside of it that is revealed by examining its etymological origins. It comes from the Latin words "con," meaning "with," and "vincere," meaning "to conquer." "Conviction" literally means "with conquering," or -- perhaps more felicitously -- "with victory." But victory over what? I'll discuss more in this episode. #conviction #victory #confidence
Sep 11, 2022•3 min•Ep. 219
Luck is not necessarily just the chaotic, random element of chance that pervades the universe. It's a factor over which you can have some measure of influence. The Roman philosopher, Seneca, tells us how: "luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." Therefore, in order to improve your luck, you need to (a) prepare and (b) create opportunities. I'll discuss what that might look like in the context of dating in this episode. #luck #opportunity #dating
Sep 09, 2022•3 min•Ep. 218
Core emotional wounds are psychic injuries inflicted in the context of one's primary attachment relationships. That means that they are generally formed in relationship with one's parents in childhood. These wounds come in two general flavors: "I'm not good enough" and "I'm not lovable." The pain of these wounds can distort the lens of subjectivity, such that one's very perceptions of oneself, other people, and the world become distorted. And, if unaddressed, they can give rise to a host of comp...
Sep 07, 2022•5 min•Ep. 217
As people move through life, they are subject to experiencing great pain, suffering, and trauma. And the healthy response to these experiences is to withdraw from and avoid further contact with them. The problem is that these experiences exist in reality -- so withdrawing from and avoiding contact with them also means withdrawing from and avoiding reality. And withdrawing from and avoiding reality can create its own pain, suffering, and trauma. Enter mental illness: it is a compromise solution t...
Sep 05, 2022•4 min•Ep. 216
