In today's foray into pop psychology, I'll be discussing the relationship between James Bond and his gadgets. Though he is plied with fancy watches and flashy cars, Bond is able to utilize status and luxury as a means to an end: the accomplishment of his mission. In this way, he offers us an important lesson on the appropriate relationship to materialism: it's just stuff. It's useful to the extent that it furthers our goals. After which point, it all becomes disposable. #007 #jamesbond #notimeto...
Jul 05, 2022•3 min•Ep. 185
This is a realization that came to me while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, a nearly 2700-mile long hiking path connecting Mexico to Canada. Despite my lack of ostensible progress from one day to the next, I understood that the path -- the thing literally beneath my feet -- was already at my destination. This realization came with a couple of corollaries, which I will briefly discuss in this episode. #motivation #hope #growth
Jul 03, 2022•2 min•Ep. 184
To understand that, to be free, we cannot do whatever we want, we need only look to nature. The Earth, for example, has enjoyed free and unobstructed motion around the sun for billions of years, because it has restricted itself to an orbit that allows that motion to continue. A decision that restricts freedom over time is really just destruction in slow motion. So, to preserve our freedom, we are paradoxically not free to make these decisions. I'll discuss more in this episode. #freedom #choice ...
Jul 01, 2022•4 min•Ep. 183
This is a topic that has been requested many times by my listeners. It's difficult to love without emotional attachment, but it's extremely important to learn to do so. If you don't, you'll either participate in games of control or resign yourself to the emotional roller coaster. The key to loving without attachment is to treat people like cats. Using this extended metaphor, I'll discuss strategies for loving others that preserve their freedom and autonomy. #love #attachment #cats
Jun 29, 2022•7 min•Ep. 182
I occasionally work with clients who are distressed over the apparently unfair treatment they have received from their parents relative to their siblings, who they believe have been given everything on a silver platter. A simple tactic I've developed to respond to envy (especially in the context of siblings) is to ask: would you change places with them? In ten years, I've yet to meet someone who would. And if you believe the situation is unfair, but you wouldn't switch places with the other part...
Jun 27, 2022•3 min•Ep. 181
This one is for the straight ladies. It's important to understand that men approach dating and relationships differently than you do. As is often the case in life, the direct path isn't always the best way to get what you want. If you appreciate that your dating profile is essentially an advertisement, you can begin to market yourself more strategically to your target audience. In this episode, I'll discuss the worst thing to say in your dating profile, and provide an alternative strategy. #dati...
Jun 25, 2022•5 min•Ep. 180
This one is for the workaholics. The delay of gratification is an important skill to cultivate if you want to be successful and high-achieving. However, if you don't also practice enjoying your life along the way, you won't be able to do so once you ultimately attain your goals. This is all the more true if hard work and self-denial come easily to you. I'll discuss more in this episode. #success #pleasure #practice
Jun 23, 2022•2 min•Ep. 179
If you're unemployed and you want a job, then finding a job is your job. It becomes your full-time occupation. You strategize and implement on a large scale until it works. The same principle holds true in dating. If you're single and you want a certain kind of relationship, then finding that relationship is your job. It becomes your full-time occupation. You strategize and implement on a large scale until it works. If you want better options, you need to put in the effort. #dating #relationship...
Jun 21, 2022•2 min•Ep. 176
Revenge can be a very powerful force, if utilized in the service of growth and self-development. Most high-achieving individuals (at least initially) manage to yoke their wills to the force of revenge in order to accelerate their progress. That said, while revenge is a useful first-stage fuel, it becomes increasingly problematic the longer it burns. Consequently, it's essential that you find a more positive force to link with after achieving escape velocity. #revenge #achievement #motivation...
Jun 19, 2022•3 min•Ep. 167
Because the universe lives closed, we are all going to experience far more rejection than acceptance across our lifespans. So the sooner we can disabuse ourselves of certain illusions concerning rejection, the better. In this episode, I discuss these illusions, which I call the three Ps, namely: rejection is painful, personal, and permanent. The goal is to eventually see rejection as a form of feedback that may contain information on how to move closer to our objectives. #rejection #confidence #...
Jun 17, 2022•4 min•Ep. 170
It can happen that, in the course of our relationship, we find ourselves the object of another person's disrespect or negativity. The question that passes through most reasonable people's minds is: "how much is enough?" I have a simple rule of thumb to answer this question. I call it the "stranger on a bus" rule. Basically, anyone in my life has to treat me at least as well as they would treat a stranger on a bus. Otherwise, they're subject to losing the privilege of my company. #tolerance #rela...
Jun 15, 2022•2 min•Ep. 171
"Love-food" is a term I coined to represent the experience of being held emotionally by another. It's important to the emotional well-being of all people, and essential to the development of children. Every family is like a little ecosystem, and within each family is a limited supply of love-food. Through unconscious reinforcement contingencies, parents influence children to occupy different niches within the family ecosystem that maximize their respective access to love-food. I explain more in ...
Jun 13, 2022•5 min•Ep. 161
Back when I was in a dance-theatre company, we had a rule of thumb when it came to our shows. Anything that we created had to be "too short to suck." Those who liked our work would want more, and those who didn't would feel relieved we hadn't wasted more of their time. This is an excellent guideline to follow when creating content. You don't have to prove yourself by giving more than is necessary. #creator #brevity #nofail
Jun 11, 2022•56 sec•Ep. 173
My definition of "confidence" is the consistent, felt experience of success. And this definition contains the blueprint to achieving authentic confidence. The first step is being able to do the thing. The second step is being able to do the thing consistently. And the third step is allowing that consistent success to impact you emotionally. I discuss more in this episode. #confidence #success #competence
Jun 09, 2022•3 min•Ep. 172
Letting go is an emotional survival technique that everyone should learn. The paradox of heartbreak is that the negative emotions cause you to emotionally clench around the memory of the lost object. And you cannot let go of something that you are simultaneously clinging to. So the trick to letting go depends on cultivating gentle, positive emotions relative to the lost object, which allow you to relax and release. I'll explain more in this episode. #lettinggo #heartbreak #release
Jun 07, 2022•3 min•Ep. 177
In the course of life, we often find ourselves in the place of the learner. This could be because we're starting a new course of study, or because we're entering into a new level of mastery. In these moments, ignorance feels close to us, and we're more aware than usual of the extent of our knowledge. Unfortunately, some of us have a tendency to overextend this ignorance into judgments about our intelligence. In this episode, I'll discuss why this doesn't make sense. #learning #knowledge #intelli...
Jun 05, 2022•2 min•Ep. 146
By the time we're full adults, many of us have been hurt by relationships. To protect against future hurts, many of these folks build protective armor around their hearts to prevent others from accessing certain aspects of self. Unfortunately, this behavior is counterproductive. We can only love to the depth of our understanding. By preventing opportunities to be known, such people functionally make it impossible for them to be loved. I'll discuss more in this episode. #love #relationships #know...
Jun 03, 2022•3 min•Ep. 162
In a previous episode, I defined a game as anything with rules and a goal. A goal with no rules tends toward destructive chaos, and rules with no goal tend toward restrictive control. One without the other is death; both together is life. Therefore, one of the purposes of any game is to create and maintain the conditions that allow play to continue. This furthers life and is "good." Anything that seeks to end the game is opposed to life and is "evil." In this episode, I'll reveal the seed of hum...
Jun 01, 2022•5 min•Ep. 159
In many respects, life on this planet is inherently unsatisfying. However, this realm is under the auspices of dualism. So where there is darkness, there must be light. The trick to enjoying your life more is to utilize your focus with greater discipline, so that you increasingly attend to those aspects of life that are positive and good. In this episode, I'll explain what that might look like with a concrete example. #focus #attention #duality
May 30, 2022•3 min•Ep. 165
And this one's for the guys! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight men. Rather than give your attention to the smokeshows (who can be very challenging to relate to), a better approach is to find your ugly duckling: a late-bloomer who passed through a period of self-development and character building. These women typically have more to offer and are significantly easier to have relationships with. #dating #relationships #uglyduckling
May 28, 2022•5 min•Ep. 169
This one's for the ladies! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight women. Research indicates that the vast majority of you are competing for the relatively small percentage of men at the top of the hierarchy. While this seems like a good strategy, as these guys have already demonstrated that they possess the traits you might be looking for, it means that you're potentially only one option among many for the men you are targeting. A better approach is t...
May 26, 2022•4 min•Ep. 168
Love, sex, and commitment are independent concepts. The presence of one does not imply the existence of the others. This means that there are eight different, potential combinations of these components. In this episode, I briefly discuss each of these types of relationships in turn, offering an example from film to illustrate each one. #love #sex #commitment
May 24, 2022•6 min•Ep. 174
My episode, "The gift of your absence," recently passed 100,000 views on YouTube. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to release an update responding to some of your feedback and criticism. Most importantly, I want to clarify that the primary goal in giving someone the gift of your absence is not to manipulate someone to chase after you. This can happen, but it shouldn't be your primary motivation. Rather, this is fundamentally a strategy to increase your own self-value by exercising self-res...
May 22, 2022•5 min•Ep. 160
This is a very simple mind hack that I've developed to guard against frustration and disappointment. Look: you should take what people say with a grain of salt. When they say that they're going to do something (or that they're not going to do something), just say to yourself: "we'll see." Withhold your judgment until you see behavioral confirmation of their commitment one way or another. Trust and doubt are earned. #trust #relationships #we'llsee
May 21, 2022•2 min•Ep. 166
Despite passing through a great deal of suffering in his origin story, Harry Potter doesn't spend the rest of his life hung up on the past. How was he able to do this? The first book provides a clue. We possess the inner resources to overcome our circumstances -- though sometimes we're subject to forgetting who we are and what we're here to do. Reconnecting with purpose and being is often the pathway forward. #harrypotter #purpose #self
May 19, 2022•4 min•Ep. 151
Rolling up your sleeves and hunkering down only works when you have a finite amount of work to do. However, if you're even moderately successful, the time will come when the influx of new work will outpace your ability to discharge it. Once you cross that point, this strategy becomes a recipe for burnout. In this episode, I'll discuss an attitude toward work that helps me maintain healthy work-life boundaries. The work never ends. #boundaries #burnout #work
May 17, 2022•3 min•Ep. 178
The vast majority of conflict on this planet throughout history has been caused by ideological differences. Ideas divide people. On the other hand, emotions unite people. This is because no two people are so different from one another that they don't share some facets of the human experience. And these facets are generally emotionally, since they arise from our shared evolutionary past. So if you want to attract people to you, focus on feelings rather than ideas. #ideas #emotions #attraction...
May 15, 2022•2 min•Ep. 164
Many of us put off doing the things we know we should, and this hesitation can cause some folks a lot of trouble. A client of mine recently shared a story with me about his sales training. Apparently, he was instructed to "eat the frog" as quickly as possible to overcome his hesitancy in making cold calls. In this episode, I'll talk about what this means and why it's a good idea to move into action sooner. #frog #action #decisive
May 13, 2022•2 min•Ep. 153
This one is pretty straight forward. When working with clients to master their self-talk, I always begin by asking them to consider making a commitment not to talk to themselves in a way they wouldn't speak to a close friend. There's no need to fluff yourself up or practice affirmations in the mirror or discover your mantra. Just start here. The relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have. So make sure you're good company. #relationships #selftalk #selfimprovement...
May 11, 2022•2 min•Ep. 163
When people are at the crossroads of life, they can often agonize over making "the right decision." However, implicit in the idea of "the right decision" is the existence of many, many "wrong" decisions, and this significantly increases the felt experience of pressure on the decider. This is not how I see the world. Instead of "right" and "wrong," I see paths that go one way and paths that go another. The "rightness" of one's path is inseparable from the goals of the one who walks it. I'll speak...
May 09, 2022•3 min•Ep. 147
