That plastic butt, you know, when you start putting plastic in your butt, it really makes things not as good. Welcome back to privy privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom. I'm your host Hunter Hoover and I love bathrooms. Thank you all for being here. Thank you for joining me back here in home bathroom. have to admit normally when I record the show I record about a week in advance.
So when you hear the episode coming out on the fives you usually was recorded at least a week prior. Now, due to poor planning and busyness, that is summer, this episode is actually being recorded a mere two and a half days prior to release. strap in. But we are in the throes of summer. And what's weird is we kind of had our really hot days of summer. And now we're sort of moving on to what in many ways is like these awkward like 85 degree days before it ramps up in August again.
We know it's coming. we talked, there's summer sweating. I've been trying to do some evening afternoon bike riding because that is when large individuals don't sweat as much. You still sweat, but not as much. And we did a little work project Saturday and dude, there was some wet t-shirts and not like that. Like we were just sweating out there and we were in the shade. It's just like muggy and it kind of stinks a lot.
But one of the things, so after that work project, you you're out there, you're getting hot, you're getting sweaty. I got sully deep into the Blackberry. I don't know if you can see this. You can't really see it very well, but like we got uh by some blackberries just absolutely munched here in the Pacific Northwest. have God's great blessing, delicious blackberries that have coupled themselves with sin's awful curse of the thorn.
And these blackberry bushes, they have this defense mechanism called scratch. uh Blackberry bush used scratch and it is super effective on my arms and legs. And me, total dummy, knucklehead, went in with shorts. And if you hear that and you're like, Ricky move, yes. Did not realize that the entire yard was pretty much gonna be Blackberry Bush.
But you just, you're hot, you're sweaty, you've got bugs in all your cracks, you just got grass clippings in your hair and your nose and your beard and your armpit and your shirt. It's everywhere, it's itchy. And like got home just. BAM! Strip and hopped right into a shower. And I'm here to tell you whether you're doing yard work or you're just sitting in a chair being hot and sweaty, there's nothing quite like a real good shower on a hot summer day. No. I have an unpopular opinion here.
I know that a lot of people, they're like, yeah, this is where I ramp up my cool to cold showering for the year. No. hot shower in summer is good. And while that might seem counterintuitive, it's like you're just adding heat to what is already a bunch of heat. The reason is, is because this provides the opportunity for us to enjoy an ice cold, sweet, drinky beverage in the shower.
I've gone on this show in the past, pretty much every time I have a guest on the show, I purport The good news that is the shower drink. I'm a big fan of it. I won't say I do it every shower, but I do it a lot of my showering. And one of the things that has come to my attention through interviews and just kind of personal conversations is people's go-to drink while they're in the shower differs greatly. And this got me wondering, what is the best shower drink?
Today, we're going to jump into our next episode of Ranked Shower Drinks. But before we jump into ranking the best shower beverage, of course, you know that we can't just rank the shower. We've got to discuss the containers because without the revolutionary container, the shower drink, at least in the form that I've tested it, would not exist. To discuss, I want to note our ranked shower drinks this time will be ranking canned beverages in the shower.
There's a long history that has led up to the production of this can and it begins with the story of aluminum. The story goes there was once an inventor who had been hard at work on a new type of material which once developed he decided to present to the emperor. This is in ancient, I believe Roman times. Might have been Chinese, I'm not sure.
But he made a cup out of this special glass and brought it to present to this ruler and when he dropped it, the emperor, king threw it down and it didn't break. He thought it was glass, but it didn't break. It just dented and mushed a little bit. They tried to figure out what this material was and eventually asked this inventor, what is it? the inventor, not really understanding what he had made himself, said it was a new type of glass that no one else had figured out how to make.
Then this ruler did what all rulers posed with new inventions that are hoogity boogity to them do. They had the man executed for fear that this new substance would actually lower the value of gold as people would begin to desire it instead of the previously used resources. The emperor didn't know how to make this new glass and so he had the one person who he knew who did know how to make it executed for making the substance.
This material, it turns out, was a type of, again, unquote, glass made of a compound that came to be known as alum. In Europe, after the time of the Crusades, alum became a commodity as people would regularly use it in their textiles. They used it to make all sorts of stuff. As such, the Catholic Empire began taxing alum. and they taxed it and when it found various veins throughout Europe, they used the wealth generated by mining this alum to actually go and fight the Ottomans.
So they found veins of alum, they minecrafted those veins of alum, just like all iPad kids know how to do. And then they use that to fund their military escapades. But this alum, this strange glass found in the earth is still in many ways kind of a mystery substance. At the start of the Renaissance, they were beginning to get to the bottom of what this alum was. Some suggested it was a salt with more rigid structures. Others said it came from a category of sulfanes.
One chemist who purported this idea, Andreas Lubavius, sure, Lubavius, if you're looking for kid names, I know we've said this a couple times in the show. But if you're looking for kid names, if you're expecting a child, first of all, congratulations. Consider this you being congratulated from us here at Privy. But Lubavius, don't sleep on Lubavius. Don't sleep on it. But Lubavius is the one who suggested the name Illumina. Now we're almost there.
Other chemists actually thought this alum, now called Illumina, was related to lime or salt. I'm not talking to squeezy limes. Look at that. Limes. There they are. I'm not talking to squeezy limes. I'm talking like the lime in the dirt, in the ground lime. It's actually toxic. others believed it was its own distinct category unto itself that formed due to exposure to sulfuric acid. Now, to say that this chemical, this compound, this substance was a mystery is an understatement.
It remained kind of shrouded in like it's known about, but they struggled with understanding the material. for almost 200 years. And it was the work of many European nations, the scientific method, which finally resulted in a German chemist in 1821 coming up with the correct formula for Illumina, AL2O3. In short, this allowed them to determine alum's atomic weight, which they found to be 27. So now they've mapped the stuff.
They've dug it up, they've studied it for 200 years and at long last, we've placed it on our periodic table of mapping these elements. What was one thought to be its own thing actually turned out to be a compound. They were able to separate the various compounds. The tough part is as they tried to separate the metal out to uh isolate the element, it caught fire. when it was exposed to air.
Hans Christian Oersted first produced a form of aluminum, spelled A-L-U-M-I-N-A-U-M, aluminum, using chemical reduction, but he didn't really realize what he'd done in producing this. Two years later, Friedrich Wohler improved by isolating the powder, alum, or alumina and studied it now isolated. Now, at this point in history, the mid 1800s, aluminum was so rare that it actually cost more than gold. To think the stuff that we're making our aluminum cans out of at once cost more than gold.
It was more valuable than gold. Napoleon III, was a big proponent and supported research into the material because he wanted to know what he could do with it for military use. I'll be honest with you. We've talked on the show before how Napoleon had a gold-crested gold-lined bidet. I bet you he was looking to line that thing with aluminum. Nothing like trick my bidet aluminum bony the third. I don't know if that's bone apart. I don't know which Napoleon Bonaparte is the Bonaparte one.
This one says the third, but he probably just wanted to swag out his war machines and stuff with some sweet aluminum chrome. Due to lot of trial and error, they had finally developed aluminum ingots, that is solid pieces. of aluminum which can be smelted and used for various uses. These aluminum ingots were actually put on display in the Paris exhibition of 1855 and was called, quote, silver from clay. gaining popularity from this fair, it caused the metal to be commercialized.
And at the next World's Fair, or the... 12 years later, aluminum wire, aluminum foil, and aluminum bronze were presented. In 1854, aluminum was produced independently using electrolysis by Robert Bunsen. Bunsen burner? Ever heard of it? Yeah, Big Bobby B. Big Bobby Bunsen is burning some stuff. But this electronic production was not very cost effective. It took a lot of money to produce very little isolated aluminum in this.
That was until American engineer Charles Bradley heated aluminum salts internally in 1883. His patent for heating and this process for heating aluminum to isolate it in this way was sold and was used to yield an alloy rather than purify the aluminum. Through competition, trial and error, and lawsuits related to patent law, by the end of 1889, a consistently high purity of aluminum was produced via electrolysis.
This process of purifying aluminum via this electrolysis process is called the Hall-Herolt process, and it's the same process used in many ways today. and heats the ore at almost a thousand degrees Celsius. I'm here to tell you that's hot. That's sweltering. Sometimes when I'm sully deep into the summer sun, think, man, it's probably a thousand degrees Celsius. It's not. It's not. I don't know what a thousand degrees Celsius is in Fahrenheit, but it's more than that.
It's more than 1000. That's what I know because Celsius tries to like make the numbers small because Europeans are afraid of like big numbers, whatever. But it's very hot. This process of heating it in this way was further perfected by a Swedish chemist in 1920. It's really the culminating work of the scientific minds of the time to bring us this aluminum compound.
Now, Napoleon's vision of using this allium or alumina or alluminium, whatever it was in his day, was finally realized almost 150 years after he was there. Too late for him, sorry Napoleon, missed that one. But in World War I, they began using the material heavily for aircraft production.
This mass usage and mass need for the material led to a shortage, which then caused them to begin figuring out how can we take the aluminum that we have previously created and learn how to reuse it into new material. Thus, the recycling programs were born. You see that little thing right there? That tells me that in the state of Oregon, I can retrieve 10 cents for this can after I've guzzled down its contents. Boy, we are cheap out here, aren't we?
This mass usage led to a shortage in the material which led folks, production companies and scientists to begin wondering, is there a good way that we can recycle this aluminum material for a second, third, fourth use? They figured it out. After the war, aluminum production actually surpassed that of copper, which was second only to iron. This is what led the Russian Aluminum Production Company or RUSAL to state that we stand on the threshold of the aluminum age.
In this post-war era, many other uses began to emerge for the use of the aluminum can, one of which is of great concern to us here today on this panel. In 1956, the aluminum can was first manufactured. That said, drinks were in cans long before that, but this specific type of aluminum can was much different.
The first beer in a can was available in 1935 and was developed right here in these United States in Richmond, Virginia, specifically January 24th, 1935. 14 months prior to this first beer in a can, the American Can Company had engineered a workable beer can. Problem was the prohibition slowed the development and production of beer and people were itching for a way to produce and store and sell alcohol to the consumer in a way which was more marketable.
When prohibition was repealed at the end of 1933, After a 13 year long drought on alcohol, was no doubt, no drought, just bootlegging, it was all hands on deck to make this stuff. What was once taboo and sold in back alleys and in old nightclubs for fear of being caught was now front and central where producing it. The Kruger Beer Special Beer became the first metal beer can, the Kruger Special Beer. And I want to note before you if you hear that and you're like, wow, 1930s, that's crazy.
This can was a far stretch from the cans we have today. First and foremost, the metal was much thicker. It was more akin to what is like a lot of canned good aluminum cans. Like the drinks were in thick, thick cans. And we've really made these cans thinner to cut down on shipping and production costs. But the cans were a lot thicker. The metal was thicker and the can weighed about four ounces. You have a quarter pound can to hold like another pound of drink.
soda began to be canned in this way beginning in 1938. It took a special indispensable almost universal tool at the time to open these cans called the church key, which is pretty much one of those like sharp ended bottle openers you sometimes seem today. And it would actually like turn and it would actually puncture a hole in the can and that you would then like drink out of that new punctured hole. This guy, this technology right here, not a thing yet. We're like punching a hole in the can.
It really gives a new look to the idea of shotgunning. Like nowadays, if you want a shotgun to drink, you gotta like puncture a hole, double puncture, suck it down so that we can get the airflow through, whatever. That's essentially what they were doing every time they opened an aluminum can drink. It's interesting. You're look like some sort of apocalyptic mountain man sucking beer out of this tiny can hole. It's weird. And that was like beverage cans until like the 1970s.
Not a lot of leaps in production. Other containers during this time, they were really in the experimentation phase. They had a cone top which opened much like a bottle. It was like an aluminum can, but then it came to a top and had like a bottle to open it. uh That ended in the 1960s. Also arising of the 40s and 50s was a removable pull tab, which you pulled and it formed its own opening. It was kind of like when you peel a tuna can and it pulls the can back.
It was like that, but it just peeled like a little mouth opening sized section. They did away with that as well. Many of these cans would include a plastic or waxy interior to keep the beer and other beverages from reacting within the tin. I keep saying beer because it was primarily alcoholic beverages for long time. The soda game came second and was second to the game in many ways. I want to also note, I just said tin. And that's because like you might hear that and go wait, wait, wait.
We spent the first 15 minutes of this pod listening to Hunter bloviate about aluminum and the discovery of aluminum and all this stuff all for him to now switch it up on me and say tin cans. What gives? Why is he talking about tin?
It's because many of these, they began to like try out different combinations of metal and many of these pull top like that where it like actually slices it proved dangerous as now you have like this sharp piece of shrapnel that you're going to have to discard as well as a sharp opening wherein your tongue is going to interface with that opening to some degree. As was noted in post-war aluminum production shifted.
By the 1970s, many drink manufacturers such as Coke, Pepsi, Coke's, Anheuser-Busch and others shifted to canning in a modern aluminum can with a stay-in-place pull tab. This technology, this stay-in-place pull tab with this aluminum, thinner aluminum can is known as the pop can today. But what I didn't tell you was while they were busy trying to crack the case on aluminum, they were also trying to crack the case on food storage.
While Napoleon was looking for the alum in the world, Napoleon Bonaparte was also looking for a way to keep food fresh longer. In 1795, Napoleon offered a 12,000 franc cash prize. The competition? It's pretty much impossible. to tell how much like 12,000 francs is worth today. I tried the whole Google convert my money thing and it said, Frank, you loser. uh But a man by the name of Nicholas Apert won the prize by inventing canning or hermetically sealing glass jars.
Now, where Apert walked, a mere handful of years later, Englishman Peter Derund dropped a big dump by patenting the process of canning plastic lined tin cans. starting to sound like a lot like that Kruger beer company. But what is wild is it took almost 120 years to start putting beverages in cans. And then all of a sudden, after a totally different war, the process of canning was brought into the world of aluminum.
We're canning glass jars and then finally they're like, wait a minute, we can store this product and it will keep much longer if we store it in these cans. The Hawaii Brewing Company was the first to put drink in an all aluminum can. Note, before this was tin cans. These were not aluminum like we are thinking. The Hawaii Brewing Company was the first to stick it in an aluminum can.
The Adolf Kura Company, which in light of all that went down in World War II is a challenging name, like maybe go for a rebrand. for sure. But they were the first to put a beverage, can one of you if you will, in an aluminum base can. They made this possible. The Reynolds Metal Company developed a can to bottle what was once considered a digestive aid, soda. In 1963, they began to stick a diet soda in these aluminum cans called Slenderella.
Royal Crown or RC Cola adopted it in wide margin in 1964 and by the 1970s, like we stated, Coca Cola and Pepsi Co. had also made the switch. Things were never really going back. Yes, we still have sodas in bottles and we still have sodas in glass bottles. But like you go to the soda aisle. The aluminum can reigns supreme. Canned drinks began to outsell bottled drinks in the 1970s.
And so all that history and background in our brains, you might hear all that and you go, okay, Hunter, you've lost the thread. This is a podcast about bathrooms. So what are we doing talking about aluminum and cans and food storage? Well, it's hot out here for this shrimp and nothing hits quite like an ice cold can in the shower at the end of a particularly sweaty crotch day. And that leads us to this installment of Ranked, Shower Can Beverage Edition.
Before we get into, I'll tell you the beverages that I have ranked. But there are some criteria by which I ranked these and then I will tell you my process for ranking them. The criteria that these beverages will be ranked on are crackability. How's the crack? How's the snap in the shower? That's that. That right there, that's crackability. What's that like in the shower? Showers are not kitchen tables. So the second factor that we're looking at is spill factor.
How does the shape of this can interact with its ability or lack thereof to spill while you shower? Third on the criteria is the most basic, the drank. How is it to drink specifically in the shower? Fourth is the shower factor wherein I poured each one or a portion of each one of these beverages straight over my head. It was cold and they all had a different experience. But how was that experience and what would it be like if you had to shower with this beverage?
Fifth here was the incognito factor. One of the things that happens sometimes is we accidentally leave our can in the shower. It happens the best. So just looking at the aesthetics of the can in question, how did it stack up to not going noticed in the shower? Sixth here was the warm up factor. How was the drink as it warmed up over the course of a approximately seven minute shower? These are our factors and criteria for testing.
And so, throughout the course of the last month or so, I tested a number of drinks, including soda, beer, wine, canned cocktails, tea, seltzer, that's sparkling water seltzer, coffee, energy drink, boba, coconut water, juice, protein shake, kombucha, hummingbird nectar, and No, that's it. Hummingbird nectar. These all stacked up against each other to figure out what's the best, most rankest shower drink in a can.
Now, while I did not test these in this order, I'm going to be going through them in the order of the criteria given. So the first was I tested soda here. I want to know, you're going to hear these and you're going to go, oh, that's not my favorite soda. He should have picked. I chose what I believed would be the best that would give this drink the best chance for me to enjoy it because I do not regularly drink a lot of these drinks. um I'm not so much like a beer and wine guy. Not my thing.
And so. Like I had through the help of friends and family and others and through eyeballs and reading descriptions, I selected drinks that I know I like or that I think I would like best. So if I didn't pick your chosen drink, you're gonna have to sell it to me why that drink should have been tested over others. And maybe, you know, there's a ranked double feature on this. But for soda, I chose a uh Coke Zero. Now I'm a big fan of Coke Zero.
specifically Coke Zero. So we got in the shower and I'm just going to give you the rundown. So it's crackability, great, great snap on the Coke Zero, great on the Coke Zero. Its spill factor was very middle of the road. I gave it a six out of 10. It did seem like it was a little wobbly and most of these cans were shaped very similarly. And so I gave them similar ratings on the spill factor. the drink as notice, a big fan, as mentioned, I'm a big fan of Coke Zero.
And I want to know here, the higher the rating, the better. So when I give Coke Zero a six on spill factor, that means it did better than other things. But I mean, it's still like wobbly a little bit in there. Shower factor, just middle of the road, six. You know, it was like cold bubbles. Nothing crazy to talk about. Now, I will say the incognito. I found if I turned that Coke Zero around and I placed it next to something that's like a little more like dude related to shower products.
It actually could sit there. So I gave it a four but you know it could have been worse. The warm up factor on the Coke was dead center as a five as time went on it was warm Coke. It got warm faster than others. Oh and I forgot to share there is one other factor that got added later and that is dilution. dilution factor. As the drink sits in the shower, there's splash and it gets into the drink. How does the drink dilute over the course of that seven to eight minute shower? Coke got about a six.
You could tell there's a little dilution, especially on the rim of the drink when you go to drink it, but not too bad. Coke Zero for our soda representative comes out with a total score 44 out of a possible 70. Not bad. Not bad at all. Next, we looked at canned beer. Now for this, I must admit, I didn't go beer classic and I don't like it. So I had enough to test this, it's not my thing. It was some sort of like a apple cider type thing.
It still was Yes, it still didn't have enough of the change in what it was for me to enjoy it, but yes, we gave it our best shot. Its crackability was low. It was a six, not low, I guess, but it didn't have that carbonation like snap. Spill factor was dead center of the road five. It wasn't as good as the Coke because the can was just a little bit taller. The drink. It was uh a uh seven. I don't know. I wasn't, like I said, it wasn't bad.
It was probably the most likely I was to like something unless, again, I don't know. It wasn't awful, but it was just like I wouldn't prefer it. Now, the shower factor, was middle of the road again. It was a six. um The fruity nature of it did add a little bit. But again, I didn't get that bubbly sensation, so it leveled out to be similar to Coke. Now, the incognito on the beer was very obvious. This thing scored very low. I gave it a three for incognito.
You're going to recognize this can immediately if you leave it in the shower. Warm up, it actually did pretty good on the warm up factor. uh As it warmed up, it was not terrible. I gave it a seven. You'd notice a little bit on that, again, the rim of the can, but not too crazy. The dilution was also not too bad. I didn't really notice it as much even then from the Coke because of the lack of carbonation.
I actually gave its dilution an eight, which brings this cider company beer ah to a total score of 43, so just below the soda, which is to be expected. Next up was canned wine. Now, before you hear that, I understand. Like, there's people here that are like, nah, nah, nah, nah. Oh, what am I doing? I forgot. I need to don my shower cap for this. What I doing? I know something. Before everybody gets all angry and is like, that's not a shower cap. That's a towel for your hair when you get out.
I looked for shower caps, okay? So chill out. They didn't sell them at Walmart and Walmart sells everything. But next on our list is canned wine. Now again, the crackability is low. I gave it a five. Like it wasn't even as good as the beer. The spill factor, it did a little bit better because it was a normal size can. I gave it a six, just like the soda. It's drank however, and this is confirmed so much for me. was a two. It was disgusting. I hated it. It was like some huckleberry thing.
I told my wife, said, I don't drink wine. Pick something that you think I might even like. It was a two. It tastes like gasoline and bad grapes. That's the flavor of every wine that has ever existed. The shower factor. I mean, it had that fruitiness, but like, I also felt like I was just making myself sticky. I gave it four. Incognito, you're gonna recognize this can. Like, there's no blending in with canned wine. I gave it a three. The warm up factor wasn't awful.
It was about the same as the Beer 7 and the dilution, it was a six. I definitely noticed it more in the wine than I did in the beer. Not sure why. I think it's because it actually watered down some of the fruit taste, thus making it taste like watered down bad. I gave it a six. So, canned wine, I know. Like, that's not how you're supposed to enjoy wine. Whatever. It's canned sodas and canned beverages edition. 33 out of a possible 70 for canned wine. A bad look indeed.
Next up was the canned cocktail. For this I used uh the tropical punch flavored buzz ball. Now, technically speaking, I want to note this is not an aluminum can. The bottom is plastic based, but the top is canned and it's hard to find canned, totally canned cocktails. Your crack ability was a three. That plastic butt, when you start putting plastic in your butt, it really makes things not as good. It really diminishes the returns of what you have to offer. Its spill factor was really bad.
This thing was shaped like a baseball. And so just have this baseball that's like, no, no, no. I gave it a three. Its drink was a five. It was definitely better than wine, but middle of the road. And honestly for me, it was too sweet. The reason I prefer Coke over so many sodas is it's got that, that bite to like cut through. This buzz ball was just like the buzz is code word for high friends. We've got lots of sugar. The shower factor was a two, a very low rating on the shower factor.
Again, I just felt sticky and incognito for Goodness sakes, you've got a glass orb with a metal top sitting in there. I gave it a flat zero for incognito, because you're going to notice it immediately. It's warm up factor also bad. Like it didn't stay cold very well because the body was more plastic than can. gave it a two and the dilution was fine. Gave it a six. It tastes a little watered down when the water got in it, but it was what it was. So for a total.
21 our lowest score yet the the canned cocktails I'm actually shocked that it scored worse than wine, but here we are next up was tea for me I I selected Arizona uh Arnold Palmer Arnie Palmy alert now I Will note that I believe it's unfair technically when you open an Arizona to you're supposed to shake the can before you do so and it will improve the crack ability I did not do that because I felt it unfair to shake one and not the other. the crack ability on the Arnold Palmer was about a five.
The spill factor though, and this is where I'm frustrated because I love Arnold Palmer, I love Arizona. Arizona Tea Company is phenomenal company. If I'm drinking tea, that's usually what I go for. Spill factor is high because the can is both tall and it's got some girth to it. It's got woofy girth. So I gave it a three on spill factor because it's just kind of top heavy and a little bit bigger round than most cans. But that drank though solid nine on the drink. Like it was just delicious.
The shower factor pretty serviceable. I gave it a five. I did find like it didn't have that bubble, you know, and it mostly just felt like my shower got cold while I did it. Now incognito. Again, it doesn't rank well because it's such a huge can and it's got Mr. Arnold Palmer's face plastered right on the front of it. And so I gave it a two. You're going to notice this thing. It's not scoring well. Now the warm up factor, this thing crushed it. Eight on the warm up.
The Arizona can, it's like, one of those drinks that like, you know, it's going to get warm, but warm tea is good. It's fine. In fact, they've got heating instructions on many of their flavors. So it got an eight and dilution. Not a problem, seven here for a total of 39. Next up is Polar Celser. Now. I know. You hear that and you're like, this man's biased. This man, but- The deal is... I- I chose what I knew I liked. And it was, you know, I knew what I was getting into here.
I knew that I have a bias and maybe the only way to really test this is to have somebody else go in and test these things to give an unfiltered. You know, It's... It's one of those things where I like what I like and it's good. So I had a polar seltzer for my test. did of course orange vanilla, of course orange vanilla. um here's where we stack up. Orange vanilla seltzer, the crack ability, it's just, it's always good. A solid eight. There's always that nice chow every time.
Spill factor, it's... the same. as I mean, it's a standard size can. I mean, I'm giving it like the standard score. Now, I did notice that it did seem to wobble or maybe a little bit more. So, I gave it one. I gave it a five, but the drinks a nine. I know what I like. I know what I like. It's refreshing. When you chug it in the shower, you feel it go all the way down. It's just good. I gave it a nine. The shower factor then bubbles on the head.
You can feel it and you're not worried about it getting all sticky. It's a seven. Incognito. If you turn it the right way, I mean, look at this, Ken. You can barely even see that it is, if you didn't know better, you might think, that's a weird looking whatever. I gave it a 6 on incognito. The warm up factor, not worried about it. 9. It didn't matter. Warm seltzer is fine. It's better cold. But like I cracked this seltzer what 20 minutes ago. It's warming up.
You can see that condensation on the can there. It's still good. And the dilution, not a problem. Barely notice it. It's a seven. So our seltzer gets a final score of... 50. It's our lead for now. Next up was canned coffee. Crackability was three. Again, the carbonation does a lot here. The spill factor is a strain-shaped can, but it was actually one of those skinny tall cans. And so it helped it. It got a seven on the spill factor. It's drank. It was fine.
What I noticed here though was is we had a problem with things that were somewhat milk-based doing well in this area. It lowers the ranking. It just has to. And so, on. Yeah, this milk-based stuff, the shower factor, I don't know. I like the coffee smell, so I gave it a six. Incognito, it's bad. I gave it a one. It was very obvious that this was in there. The warm-up factor was a five, like warm coffees, whatever, whatever. And dilution, gave it a three.
You could tell these milk-based products, when there began to be water involved in them, drastically diminished them. So this is a total. 31 for the coffee. Energy drinks, the crackability was a seven. Again, we're back to the carbonation land. Spill factor, three. I got another one of them. Fat bottomed energy drinks that are a little bit tall. So it got a three. Its drink was pretty good. I gave it a seven for drink. Showering energy drink, it felt wrong. I gave it a four.
Energy drinks are notorious for being flashy. So I gave it a zero on the incognito. This thing stood out. sorry, flavor. So for coffee, I had Black Rifles canned coffee and for energy drink, I went with the pink can Rockstar sugar-free. I don't know what the flavor was. The flavor was pink. Warm-up factor was a nine. Actually, this energy drink fared very well. It didn't warm up a lot and dilution was an eight. It didn't really matter much for a total of 38 for the energy drink here.
Next up is the brown sugar boba. Now, I'm here to tell you, this sucked. If this is your favorite drink, you're lying. Its crackability was a three. That milk-based sucked. The pull tab, awful. The spill factor was a three. That thing was tall and weirdly shaped. The drink was like a two. Not good. The bobas were weird. I only even got one of them out in the shower. Shower factor, four. What are we doing? Incognito? Not likely, like all the Japanese text and stuff.
I gave it a one because like some of the like milky looking flow stuff on it kind of looks like shampoo bottle. But other than that, nah. And warm up factor, not great. Like again, these milk based products when they warm up, they're not good. Dilution four, it's just not good. This one did very poorly. 20 total on the canned boba. Not my thing anyway. Next up was coconut water. I'm here to tell you, this sucked. Crackability was a two, next to nothing to talk about there.
Spill factor was a three, it's a weird shaped can and it's very top heavy. The drank, negative one. This was disgusting, I spit it out. It's the only one that I didn't swallow, which is wild considering what's coming up. Shower factor was a four. It's kind of nice, it smelled like coconut, but it was, I don't know. I was so pissed off by. having drank it that I was just like, I'm done with this. Incognito, no, no, That blue and white can, you're gonna notice that immediately.
I gave it a two just because there's like coconut-based shower products. Warm-up factor was a six, it didn't really change it. And dilution, it actually did pretty good. It was so disgusting that it's like, sure, we'll give it an eight for pity points. for a total of 23. Not great, not great at all. And it was disgusting and I think it should stop existing. Next for juice, I chose a Minute Maid pineapple mango juice. Its crackability was a three, no carbonation. Spill factor, did pretty good.
Standard shaped can, I gave it a six. Drank was a three, it's too frickin' sweet. It's too much. Shower factor, again, the sugar, it's a three. Incognito, you're gonna notice is a bright yellow can. Two, warm up factor. Not good warm. Four, dilution. Middle of the road, like tastes like watered down juice, which I actually prefer my juice that way. I gave it a six there because I thought it actually improved the drink to be watered down for a total score of. 27. Next up was protein shake.
I went with the, I think it's called Rye's protein shake. And I went with the cookies and cream flavor. It was actually delicious. The crackability was very low too. It's protein shake. Spill factor though was six. It was that skinny tall can. So it gave a little bonus there. It was good, but not in the shower. I gave it a three on drank. I just wasn't feeling it. Shower factor, also not a good experience. Those milk based things. But I will note. The can looked almost like my wife's shampoo.
I gave it a 7 for incognito. I think I could drink one of these and I could leave it sitting in there and I would sit there for multiple days before somebody moved it. Warm-up factor was a 3. The protein energy drink thing, it's got to be cold. It needs to be cold. And the dilution is a 1. It did not score well. It was actually good. I drank another one the following day in a normal context of just like going about my life. Pretty good drink. In the shower, not so much. for grand total of 1124.
Next up was cambucha. If you don't know what cambucha is, it's like fermented tea. It's usually pretty gross. uh And what's weird here is crackability was a four. It was not bad. Spill factor didn't do great. Felt a little wobbly. The drank was a three. I expected it to be a zero. So that says something, but here was what was wild. I had the Pacific or the Portland Brewing Company cambucha and I had the uh lime mint version. The shower factor on this kombucha was a nine. It was awesome.
It was like refreshing and mint and I could smell it and it was just good. I'm convinced that kombucha is better for me to shower with than to drink. The incognito, it could pass. There's a lot of words on the can. I gave it a four. Warm up, it's fine. Four and a dilution. It didn't do much damage for a six, for total of. total of 33. Not a bad showing. Next up was hummingbird nectar. Yes, for hummingbirds. You can buy a can of this in your home garden shopping center.
Crackability was a three, no carbonation, really just juice. Spill factor was a four, tall can, but actually more slender than some. The drank was a five. It was delicious. I didn't drink much because I was afraid that I might get sick. but it was actually delicious. Now to shower in it was a two, because it was very red and it was very sticky and I would not recommend showering in. Incognito is a solid zero.
You're going to know that this not only is this not an accidental I left my can in the shower, this is a whoopsie like why is the home garden product in the shower? We're not trying to make it look appetizing. Warm up factor was actually a four, didn't hurt it much and dilution was a five as middle of the road. For a total of 23, probiotic soda. For this, I chose Poppy. I know they're in some hot water for telling people that it helps their very good tummy guts. But Crackability was a nine.
It was a great Crackability. The spill factor, again, normal size can is a six. Great drink, it was a seven. The shower factor, I docked it a little bit because, I don't know, it just felt weird. But I actually think that this can could go unnoticed. I gave it a six on incognito. I think if you turned it right, you could go unnoticed. The warm up factor was a five, it was perfectly serviceable. And dilution, I gave it a six.
You could tell it was a little less sweet, but it wasn't anything crazy. For total of 20. 44, not bad, not bad showing it's a soda. It was actually new to me. And last but not least, it's canned milk. Now, and for this, I chose a milk-based product, Yoohoo. Its crackability was a four, it's a low crackability. Spill factor, the regular size can, it's a six. The drink though, I gave it a seven. It was pretty good drink in the shower. Now, the shower factor was a three.
There's something like showering and pouring something over your head and you look down and it's just like swamp water. looks like it's chocolate milk mix. It doesn't look great in the shower. And incognito, if you've ever seen a Yoohoo can, it's just a bright yellow can with the word Yoohoo on it. You're going to notice it. I gave it a one. The warm up factor is actually fine. I was surprised. I thought this was going to do worse, but it was a six. But the dilution, you noticed it.
So I gave it a three for a total of 30 even, which means Our ranked winner for shower drinks tabulating the results was of course, our seltzer. Now I'm biased maybe, but this is my show. If you want to do it, you can say, hey, I'll do my rating and send it to me and I would love to read out your views on this. Share your opinion. privycast.gmail.com. But a close second place tied for second were our two sodas, Coke Zero and uh Poppy, I don't remember what flavor. I think it was the lime one.
Tied at 44 uh with seltzer, really smashing it with 50 out of 70 total possible points. our privy casts select best ranked showered beverage in a can is seltzer. For me specifically, it's polar seltzer on a hot day in a hot shower. This is it. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Ranked and this brings us to the end of another episode of Privy. If you would leave the episode a comment, leave it a rating or review.
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can follow me I'm at Owl at 7 go check out what we got going on over there send us email suggestions Anything you want and if you have a story that you want to tell in the show hit me up We'd love to have you this has been another episode of privy and another installment of ranked get yourself a shower soda Keep pooping in the free world, keep it out of the shower, and now, as always, don't forget to flush.