>> Hunter Hoover: You know, dirk's a turd. He probably vapes. He probably vapes in the bathroom and doesn't respect his mom like an idiot. Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded in my home bathroom. I'm your host, hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms. Welcome back, everyone. It's strange, uh, if you're hearing this, it's only. It's been the same normal amount of time since I last was here with you on the podcast, but it has been
well over a month. I had a little peek behind the curtain. I had a little bit of stuff banked, and I have started back at the high school. Um, and my banked episodes are now gone. So, um, here I am, late night. Not super late, but late for me. I am an old man. Um, late night record, uh, just to get caught up here and get back into the swing of things. The good news is that we are well on our way out of the heat. The awfulness that has been the heat of summer. The trees are starting to turn a
little bit red. The pumpkin spice is back in stock and in season, and things are looking up for fall consequences of pumpkin spice. It seems to have gotten more expensive, as did everything. And also, pumpkin spice, when it is. When it is in the form of coffee, seems to just fly through me at a rate that. I mean, coffee does that, but the pumpkin spice variant seems to fly through me at a rate that is. That is unique to pumpkin spice. I don't know
if the pun. If it's the pumpkin or the spice, I'm gonna blame the vegetable, as I usually do. Uh, but, yeah, it just seems to really cruise right through me. And. And now, you know, more than. Than you ever hoped or. Or could ever possibly dream to know about pumpkin spices effect on my. I would say gut health. Um, yeah, gut health is good. Or gutted. Gut unhealth, depending on how you look at it. As I said, I'm back to work at the high school, and, um, one of the things.
And the bathroom calls have already been happening. I was but two weeks in, and I'm standing in the hallway, and a girl comes out of the bathroom, and she tells me that, um, there's blood everywhere. And I'm like, first of all, I used to be a janitor. So, like, I know I have that, like, this guy has seen some stuff in the bathroom look. But, like, I'm sitting here thinking, like, as a young lady, I would have wanted to tell anybody but a male adult about any sort of blood in the
women's bathroom. Like, that's just in my brain. I would not want to cross that. But, man, she had no, she had no problem letting me know. I get on the horn to the, to the custodian, like, hey, um, hate to be this guy, and I bet you're wondering why this radio call is coming from, again, adult male. Um, but yeah, there's report of blood in the, in the girl's bathroom.
It's just this, it's just this crap that, like, I'm almost thinking, like, go find a female trusted adult and tell them about the blood. But happy fall. One of my coworkers at the high school, um, she often says something that, that rings very true, and that is, is that this, this coworker, she doesn't like to go to the bathroom in front of people, which is a fair, which is a fair thing. Um, to not like. It's not that I don't like, it's not that I like going to the bathroom in front of people. I
just. I'm kind of agnostic on that point. Like, I'm. I'm kind of bathroom fluid, if you will. I'll, I'll go to the bathroom if there's people in the bathroom, if there's people outside the bathroom, if the stall doors open, it's really all the same. Uh, the experience is, I guess it's a little different. Most people are more afraid of you than you are of them. If you don't shut the stall door, is what I found. But she doesn't like to go to the bathroom in front of
people. And she has remarked that that fear of having to use the restroom in front of people you do nothing know is what has kept her out of prison. Now, the us prison system has fallen under much scrutiny. Some at the criticism of bad premises, that the prison system fails to do what it is supposed to do, um, which seems to say that there aren't really any real crimes and people are just the product of their circumstance, la deda, so forth and so on. Prisons, however, do serve a purpose. Um,
some have questioned the purpose of prisons. Do they do what that purpose is? Um, the idea was that they were to reform people and give a chance to, uh, uh, perhaps come out of prison better than they went in, I think was one of the desires and goals. But others have questioned how effective is prison? We here on privy desire and plan to tackle none of those problems this week. Rather, if you do the crime, you do the time, but while you do the time, you will have access to a
toilet. And this week on privy we're talking all about that access as we dive into the world of prison bathrooms. Prison toilets. If you're listening to this episode from a prison bathroom, I don't know if you're allowed to send emails, um, but email us. Privycastmail.com um, the idea of prison bathrooms and where you would go if you went to jail. Uh, prisons prior to the 18 hundreds were less about changing those who had done wrong and reforming
them. That's where this idea of reformatories comes in. But the prison system prior to the 18 hundreds was really less concerned, um, with that. Rather, it was more about holding the person in prison and in jail until they were either sentenced to their full punishment, killed, or removed to some other place that, you know, who knows where they end up? It's difficult to say. You know, back then, there wasn't this big push to really keep track of where everything was and where everyone was.
But it wasn't until there was a shift in seeing what changes prison or penitentiaries could make in a person, whether they could make them penitent penitentiaries. Um, and for a lot of the history of prisons, it wasn't until those changes took place that the idea of where they went to the bathroom was of a chief concern for a lot of history and a lot of the history of prisons. Uh, your toilet was often a plastic bucket placed in your room to be used for all of your functions, top, top, bottom,
and bottom, round two. And that bucket would be emptied once per day. And that was in the good situations. There were some situations in those pre prison era prisons where you were expected to skeet it in the corner, you have to establish a pea corner. Dwight Schrute taught us that. Um, but it is reported that the American Bar association states that those under incarceration, so those who have been incarcerated have the right to regular access to public bathroom amenities at any
time. And those public bathroom amenities must be reasonably clean, have reasonable function, and have a minor level of privacy under the 8th amendment of the constitution, um, barring the use of cruel and unusual punishment. So, in other words, in time, as the prison systems have changed, so too have the laws, uh, that surround and the rights that the people in those systems have. Now, we're not here to make an argument about whether or not those rights should exist and to what extent.
Rather, we are reporting what is the history of prison toilet. One of the solutions they have undergone in many prison facilities where there are sufficient funds to do so, um, is they have just opted to put, like, open faced toilets. Toilets in each cell. Well, not open face. That's a different situation. We're gonna get to that. But, like, toilets in each cell, for individual inmates to have their own toilet. Now, this makes prison facilities legally abiding with that bar
associations ruling about toilets. But in a world where prison inmates love being in their cell, because my understanding is, is when you tell a person, hey, you need to sit in this box and you're not allowed to leave, nine times out of ten, they really enjoy it. Right? Like, they're. They're super happy about that. No. Um, um. For the audio only viewer, you didn't see my. My stupid face, but no, they don't. And these toilets, you would then presume, would be a source of relief to the inmates
and those guarding them. All parties involved have a place to drop a stack. But prison toilets end up being the source of much trouble and frustration to the prison staff, especially in these individual cell toilets known as wet cells. Wet cells. Speaking of wet. Yeah. Oh, it's got a grip and rip. We gotta keep things moist here on the show, you know, just keep it real damp. But wet cells often come equipped.
Wet cells sounds bad, by the way. Wet cells often come equipped with a toilet and a sink, which both share a water line in some way. Um, usually these toilets and sinks are often made from stainless steel. Think, uh, about, like, parks and recreation bathrooms if you've ever been to, like, a park or a campsite, that. That stainless steel vibe. Yeah, they do it for a reason. As was noted, many prisoners don't like to be in prison. Get
it? I know it's weird, but as a way to get a break from their cell, these wet cells, they would clog the toilet, make it back up or flood into their cell. So then they would have to be removed from their cell while it is being cleaned. In situations where maybe they share a cell with a cellmate, this is done sometimes to get back at the cellmate or to get away from the cellmate for some time. It's really a roll of the dice,
though. I think prisons should have a set of rooms that are just slightly less comfortable than the regular cells, where the inmate will have to live until they can correct the problem they've caused. Like, if you. If you jam, like, pillowcase after pillowcase and. And you're just wadding toilet paper all up into
that. All up into that toilet, and you just jam pack that g just like Bink and it's just stuffed full, and then you flood your cell, you should not get what you want like, put them in a slightly less comfortable cell while it's cleaned. Not permanent. It's just a holding pattern. Um, and maybe they'll do it less often. I don't know. That's just my thought. But as a way to get a break, they'll sometimes do this. Um, and
this doesn't always work. In some prisons, they have begun using a vacuum plumbing system, which we're going to be discussing a little bit as a solution to these problems. Another problem with prison, uh, toilets is the overuse of water. It's estimated that inmates flush their toilet anywhere between 35 and 65 times a day. Now, it is not that they are dropping that many piles. Rather, it seems that this act of flushing the toilet is an act. It's something they can control about their
surroundings. Um, it's also like, I imagine you get bored of, and if you're bored, you're going to look to all sorts of things to entertain yourself. And for many inmates, flushing the toilet is one of the things that gives them some sort of feedback. Prison toilets are constructed, as I noted, out of this stainless steel, often to cut down on vandalism. If you bust up a porcelain toilet, you're going to have shards of porcelain that could
very well be used as a weapon. And as you can guess, the toilets cause problems in more ways than just clogging. Prison bathrooms, much like bathrooms literally everywhere on in the universe, can be a means of disposing of all sorts of types of things. I've told the story on the pod before about how I had to, like, scissor a diaper, uh, out of an s bend of the toilet. People will flush all sorts of nonsense, crappy shreds, you know, toilet paper, sometimes feminine hygiene products don't do
that. Wipes evidence in contraband. When you're getting ready to be searched, can be flushed down prison toilets. Prisoners with access to toilets have access to the means by which they can flush evidence or other contraband down those toilets. Now, I'm not saying that prisoners should not have access to toilets. They absolutely need a place to drop a stack. But the truly sneaky of them who have come by some sort of string, could even tie it off in some way, flush it, and then retrieve the
contraband later. In some prison toilet systems, prisoners, uh, can actually send messages to one another via the prison toilets. One simple way is to empty out the water from the toilet, like the bowl itself. Um, and then you can kind of talk into the toilet, uh, whose water has been emptied that shares a main plumbing line with yours. You know, those, like, weird, like, playground message tubes with the cones at the end of it. And the yellow jackets love to nest
in those cones. Um, and then you go up, and then you, like, stick your face up to it and you shout into the cone, praying to God in heaven that the yellow jackets don't fly out at your face. Um, and so that way, your friend, who is 30ft away, who, by the way, obviously just heard what you said because you're 30ft away and you screamed it, um, can pretend like he didn't hear you outside the comb, but he heard it through the comb. Um, and then you stick your ear up to
it again. See? Yellowjacket comment from before. And then he pretends to, like, scream into the cone. Well, this toilet phoning like thing is kind of like that, except for you're shouting into your toilet bowl. They can also pass things to each other using this, this emptying the toilet bowl method. Um, it's called
toilet fishing. Instead of catching fish, however, or passing turds, inmates will attach pieces of paper or other material to a string called kites and flush them down the pipe to the person down the plumbing line to receive them. It is noted some inmates have been known to pass drugs, weapons, and food in this way. And you might be hearing this and thinking, how do they catch it? I get the one guy passing it, but how does the next guy get
it? The inmate receiving the items will shove a bit of bedding and clothing down into the toilet, clogging it. And when the sending inmate passes by, when it runs through the system, because it's like a connected line, it gets caught and then they just pull it up through with the clothing. Apparently this is evidenced in a Netflix drama called jailbirds not seen. It probably won't. Too much tv to watch, and I just don't care. But the inmates in this, who are also
somehow contestants. Reality tv is weird, but it makes you really question the quality of prison systems here in the US. I'm just saying. But. But these inmates on the show will actually try to date each other. Like they're going on. Like they're sending each other like salacious toilet kites through their various correspondence, sent through these pooper pipes. It's a wild world that they live in, but it's wild beyond belief.
Prisonmingle.com TMTM TMTM Other, perhaps less nefarious uses for the prison toilet include cooking, unsanctioned, um, food, or food purchases from the commissary or otherwise. Many of these concoctions scream of an incarcerated witch's brew. They're a mix of a lot of things together. Whatever you can get, toss it in. There's many famous prison toilet bowl recipes. One famous toilet bowl recipe is to make prison wine. Toilet wine. Um, or as it's called, prison hooch.
Colloquially, it's known as pruno. One famous recipe for pruno calls for a one gallon plastic bag, ten oranges, 8oz of fruit cocktail, some sugar cubes, six teaspoons of ketchup, and a towel. I want to note the trash bag in this recipe is used in place of the toilet bowl. Nothing like mixing up a batch of prison hooch in your toilet bowl. Maybe something we need to try sometime. Stay tuned. Some inmates will do their laundry in the toilet if they don't want to wait until laundry day, or
they're cooking to freshen things. Uh, or they're looking to freshen things up. Perhaps one of their toilet note passing dates. Uh, meet me at yard time. You know what I'm saying? It is fascinating. Yeah, it's weird. Others might use their toilet to stay cool, the water in the bowl being cooler, often dunking their head in it. It's a tough look. It's a tough look. They'll use this cooling ability to chill their milk. They'll put things that they want to keep cooler down in the toilet
water. You got to do what a baby's got to do. What a baby's got to do. There's a number of problems surrounding prison toilets, and we've noted that. But before we look at some of these problems and maybe some possible solutions, um, it is important, I want to share a few bathroom related prison slang as it relates to bathrooms. So, some prison bathroom slang includes the term porcelain termite. A porcelain termite is a prisoner who breaks their toilet or sink
when they get angry. Not m sure where this one comes from, but the name is outdated, as prisons have pretty much gone away from porcelain. So this one's probably not used too often anymore. Another one is the term roadkill. Roadkill refers to cigarette butts picked up by the side of the road by prison work crews. They're brought back to the facility, and the collected tobacco is re rolled with toilet paper, thus, uh, creating your own tobacco cigarettes. So, that's fun.
That, my friend, is the face of addiction, and I'm the weirdo, uh, for snitching coffee out of the trash. In college, time to feed the warden is another way of saying that you need to go to the bathroom. Well, it's time to feed the warden. I'm not really sure where this comes from. It seems just mean another one. And this is going to transition us into some, some bigger concerns as it relates to bathrooms. Is the term Glock dookie. Glock dookie is
just foul. Um, and it's related to other very, very nefarious activities related to control and using what you have, um, to assault or get back at people. One common occurrence in jail is other inmates throwing or using their bodily fluids to assault other inmates guards or as a means of intimidation or power tactics. To my coworker, who says that their fear of going to the bathroom in front of other people is what keeps them out of prison,
I get that fear. But for me, the aspect of prison which would be much worse is just people slinging skeet at you or projectile urinating on you in an attack, or to get something from you that's just like, that's just awful. It's wild. But one invention that has been circling the Internet, um, and I believe it surfaced as there was this podcaster that was sharing about his
time in prison, is a term called a Glock dookie. Now, a Glock dookie is essentially a water bottle or other container filled slightly with water. And then you poop, pee, whatever into the water bottle. Likely or, um, is likely the case. My turret is usually bigger than the top of a water bottle. And so, like, it's hard to imagine how you don't interface with the turd first to get it into the standard size water bottle. It's not worth thinking about. Maybe you got little sky,
tiny, little skinny little pencil turds. Let us know. Privy castmail.com. but you get the turds down into the water bottle, mix it up with all of the other wet that you got in there, and really shake that guy. And then you just like, walk up to the person and it sprays out the stank juice inside. It shoots, hitting them in the face. It's wildly gross. It is assault. And with all these, it's just
bad and disgusting. And with all these challenges posed by prison bathrooms and prison toilets, there needs to be something done to cut down on the nefarious deeds that can and often are done there. It should be noted there are other, often less security prisons where it is standard to have the toilets centrally located for all of the inmates to go out and use them, along with showers so the inmates can be tracked coming and going by the guard on post.
But one method many prisons are turning to to help cut down on shady bathroom deeds is the use of vacuum centers to help power the water supply and plumbing of prison bathrooms. The way that these vacuum centers works is this. The interface of atmospheric pressure at the point of the toilet bowl and a constant vacuum pressure in the waste piping network provides a highly efficient flush. So, pretty much think of it as, like, when you flush the toilet, there is a vacuum that sucks
it out. It's just like. It's really got a whole Luigi's mansion vacuum backpack vibe on those turds. Um, but because of the suction power of the turd vacuum toilets, it uses only about half a gallon of water, which is great. When the push button's activated, the extraction valve opens. Think like, camper bathroom toilets, they got a little extraction thing, allowing atmospheric pressure to push the waste into the vacuum piping and towards
the vacuum center. A water valve is also activated, allowing the toilet to be rinsed and refilled as a result. So, by using less water and implementing that suction, they can help clear the poop from the bowl more efficiently, and, ah, as often the case, quicker. The nice part about these systems is when they are used appropriately, is you can shut vacuums off to inmates cell toilets. Individual like, oh, block 13 is getting searched. The toilet suction to block
13 is shut off. This is useful if you believe there's contraband. You can shut the toilet flush off, and then they can't flush their toilet and get rid of the contraband that is believed to be there. It's an interesting thing. Likewise, much like a parent taking their teens phone so they can't talk to their loser boyfriend, Dirk, they kiboshed prison pipe dating. You can't date through the pipe. And, you know, Dirk's a piece of crap. You know, Dirk's a turd. He probably vapes.
He probably vapes in the bathroom and doesn't respect his mom. M like an idiot. But these vacuum centers are pretty useful. As noted, another technology to decrease misuse is stainless steel toilets and centrally located showers and bathrooms. We've discussed this, and these things cut down on many of the
bathroom problems. But these guard controlled toilets have been the discussion of another concern in prisons and prison bathrooms, because it's reported, and I imagine it is happening, that the guards will shut off inmates toilets as punishment or simply just
to mess with the prisoners. And while it is reasonable to be able to shut off the water for limited amounts of time, moving inmates searches, et cetera, the American Bar association, as we stated at the beginning of the episode, has noted, um, that they need access to clean, um, water working toilets. And so there's an ongoing discussion about how long the inmate can be kept in their cell with the water
off. In fact, in many circles, when this is kept off for too long, it's viewed and likely is a form of torture. It's removing a reasonable, reasonably expected and regular. Right now, I understand that there's an argument that's like, well, the person's in prison. And I understand like, people do stuff that's wrong. And I'm not here to like weigh in on whether or not I think that
they should be able to do this. I'm just telling you that there is an argument on both sides that about for and against these vacuum center toilets. The other thing to remember is prisons have changed so much. What was once a bucket and maybe even just a peek corner and something that was viewed as a privilege and a courtesy has now turned into the right, the right to running and flushable water for long periods, if not all periods of time. Prison toilets are
weird. They're wild. Who knows what's going on. Apparently we're dating each other through the toilet and I pray that no privy listener makes their way to prison. If you're in prison hearing this again, write to us. We'd love to hear from you. Privycastmail.com. we'd love to get your perspective, share your perspective on the toilets that you experience there. But this is going to bring us to the end of another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining us. Um, thank you for being here.
As always. Leave us a rating, a review. The five star option is our preferred and every review left on Apple Podcasts and Spotify podcasts. We will donate a, uh, dollar to the wounded warriors and living water international, reminding you to keep pooping in the free world. And that free world was not always free and some parts of it are less free than others and don't have safe water. Rating and review a reminder, we do have a sticker
shop. Um, it's very limited in that when I'm out I will have to make more, but, um, you can check that out at privy dash, cast.com, at our website and at the top there should be a link that will take you to the Google form to fill out. I will admit it's a little clunky, um, but in an attempt to, um, see if there is interest, this is how we're doing it. Uh, I want to thank Kevin McLeod and Poddington bear for
the use of their music this week. Thanks Kevin and Poddington. You can check Kevin and Poddington's music out links in the description below. This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for being here. Follow us on social at privycast. Keep pooping in the free world. Own your stank. Avoid the Glock dookie. And now, as always, don't forget to flush.