>> Speaker A: You, they need to make ones that just have words. Or, like, green means go, red means stop and go see your doctor because you're pregnant. But, like, two lines is pregnant or just one? What color is pregnant? It's all too much for me. It's too anxiety inducing, you know? Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom. I'm your host, hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms. Welcome back. Thank you for being here.
I'm glad you could join us. Uh, it's kind of like we're all hanging out in my bathroom. Do you know what I'm saying? Don't leave. A quick bathroom update for you. Uh, I got a text, a particularly classic, uh, text from my buddy today. Um, to give you some context, I took the morning off from my job at the high school, uh, to take a test for my schooling. And whilst I was taking that test,
I got a message from. From a coworker, a male coworker, describing to me that a female coworker had walked into the men's staff bathroom and had, like, walked in, saw the urinal, and gone, WHOOP. Men's room again. And as we debriefed this, uh, on our walk out, we both were just kind of hung up on the again of that. Do you know what I mean? Uh, fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice and figure it out. You got the wrong room. I don't see a skirt on the man on the door. Do you know what I'm
saying? For goodness sakes. Uh, also, um, I ate out with a buddy this week and, um, had some mexican food. Now, what's weird is the establishment that we went to, I have frequented, and I am somewhat of a mexican food coward in that I'm a jack of a single trade on that. I just get the same thing pretty much every time I go for the street tacos. You can't sully a good street taco. Too bad. Do you know what I'm saying? Uh, I'm not sure if it was the street tacos or what, but. Man. 03:00 a.m.. M.
Cablamo. The deposit enters anyway the tract that's ready to exit. And it was just liquid situation for the next hour and a half until I inevitably was like, you know what? I'm awake. I might as well just get up and go to work, um, at 430. So that was fun. But, yeah, I think the moral of the story is you can never be too careful. You never know what's going to happen. You never know if a coworker is going to barge in on you, um,
you never know. If you're going to just have bubble guts because of mexican food, you just never know. Like, it tasted great. And I'm definitely going back to that place, and I'm not even confident it was it, but I just can't place what it was. Do you know what I'm saying? Also, my buddy has supplied me with a few, um, sections of his meat stick in the last week, uh, or so. And, man, it's like, you eat the meat stick, and there's three phases of smell that happen. Phase one is meat stick
smell. One, which is, as you eat it, you can smell the meat stick just really huffing on his meat stick. But then once you have devoured the meat stick, it just kind of hangs out in the back of the throat for significant number of hours. Um, and that's fine. But then the third round of meat stick comes when it has produced all of its air. Uh, and I'll tell you what, the gas on that meat stick toot is not that terribly different from the smell of the meat stick when it first entered the system.
This week on privy, just a hard transition there we went from talking about meat sticks and the things that are produced by eating a meat stick. And sometimes, um, other things are produced via meat sticks. And on a totally unrelated topic, this week on privy, we're going to be talking about pregnancy tests. Nowadays, couples often have to rush to the store for a test if they believe their extracurricular activities are the cause of some change for the
missus. Um, and I want to get ahead of it here. Uh, just so you know, this week's episode will contain discussions of the products of sexual activity. So, um, if that is a barrier, feel, um, free to. I'll try to put some time doodly doops in the doodly bopper. But just note, we'll be talking about pregnancy tests. You don't get pregnant by just chilling. You know what I'm
saying? Yeah. Um, but couples nowadays, when they believe that their extracurricular activities have changed and things, they probably rush to the store, uh, and they'll snag up a box of, uh, these little magic wands to pee on. This brings me to a somewhat bathroom, but I, uh, think you'll enjoy it nonetheless. Related hunter's anecdotes to keep you afloat. This hunter's anecdotes is brought to you by running into people at Walmart and regretting it always.
You know, they were out of the goddang uh, orange vanilla. It's a real bummer. This cherry, uh, this lime, cranberries, it ain't bad. It ain't nothing. It ain't no orange vanilla. You know what I'm saying? Uh, but, like, polar seltzer, also, if anybody tracks down that strawberry cream or raspberries and cream Dr. Pepper, you shout at me, I got to find me a big old jug of that
and try that. Also, while we're on the topic of weird beverages, recently, um, the PepsiCo or whatever company owned Sierra mist canceled. Sierra mist slapped a new label on it and called it starry. They said they changed, but it all tastes the same. It all tastes like sprite. Like, it's all sprite. Anyway, this, uh, hunter's anecdote is brought to you by running into people at Walmart. Now, I got to give you a little context, otherwise, the real thrust of this is going to
get lost. So, in my job at the school, um, people come and go. There's this gentleman, and he worked at the school for a while, and, uh, he's a nice enough guy. Um, and for whatever reason, thankfully, I am in a spot where I helped navigate the hiring process for the people in my room. Um, but if they're applying for jobs outside my room, search me about why somebody doesn't
get a job. But this gentleman, he worked at the school for, um, a season, and he reapplied to come back the following year, um, and I assume he did not get it because he did not come back. And now that's not my business. I stay out of that. Uh, but let the record show he didn't return. Um, and I didn't ask, don't ask, don't tell. Uh, but there's this kind of sentiment. One day, um, I am, like, doing my thing. And to overshare, uh, we were in need of purchasing. This
week's topic. We needed to get some pregnancy tests, um, because we had to check in on something. Anna was a little late, and we just wanted to make sure that things were all kosher. And if you're pregnant, you want to know. And so we didn't have any, because here we are. Why would we have them just on hand? And so, 930 at night. I'm tired. I got up at 430, did my day. At the end of a night, I'm just, like, ready to chill, and it's like,
hey, we need to get this. So I was like, you know what? All right, I'm running down to Walmart. So we scoot on down there, and, um, yeah, I get up into Walmart barrier number to. I know where they're at. I'm just going to swoop in. I'm trying to be as incognito. I'm trying to be as low key, keeping it on the down low as I can. And I get up to where they sell the tests and it's locked behind the glass cage of separation. And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. So now I've
got to go find some bloke to let me into this. And wouldn't you know it, I, uh, find just the most the poor kid, but just very pubescent, maybe just out of puberty kid. Guy. And I'm like, hey, man, I need you to let me into the glass case. He's okay, you, no problem. And he walks over and he just assumes that I need to get into the, um, family planning materials. And then I have to explain to, no, no. I actually need the pregnancy tests. And my dude like, hey, Walmart people, you
gotta read the room. You gotta learn how to read the room, because I'm very clearly tired. I'm just trying to be in and quicken out, in and out. And my dude's like, nice. And I'm like, no, we're not doing that. So I get the tests and I take them up to the front counter, and I'm trying to be cool. Like, I've got them in my basket. I'm just trying to check out. I'm not trying to have a conversation with every person. And I just hear, hey, what's up, boss? And it's the dude from the high school.
He's there, and I'm like, I am not in the mood for this conversation. And he walks up and he just is going. And then he's like, what are we buying tonight? And he looks down into my basket and he sees one item. It's the one item I have gone there for. And I'm just like, man, I really don't feel like having this conversation right now. And what was frustrating was like, I'm, um, genuinely trying not to be a dill hole. When I said, hey, I'm not trying to have this
conversation. It's like, oh, okay. I'm like, dude, look in the basket. Use your eyeballs and look in the basket. Do you see what it is? Do you want me to explain to you how we got to this point? So, anyway, long story short, um, it was negative. So there you go. This has been another hunter's anecdotes to keep you afloat. Pregnancy tests are fairly readily available for couples to test at home. And that's. That's a good thing, um,
whether or not they're pregnant. But before we get to the culture and etiquette and pieces of these tests, we need to look at the history of these magical little pea sticks that, to this day, for the life of me, I do not know how to read. Like, I did all the research and I've written all the notes and stuff for this show, and I remember reading about
what certain things mean. But if you plopped a pregnancy test with the little lines on it down in front of me right now, I could not decipher it indecipherable to me. They need to make ones that just have words. Or, like, green means go, red means stop and go see your doctor because you're pregnant. But, like, two lines is pregnant or just one. What color is pregnant? It's all too much for me. It's too anxiety inducing. I need, like, a flipping chart to discern whether or not it was effective or
not. But the thing is, pregnancy tests go back all the way to. I'll bet you you can't guess it. Drum roll, please. Ancient Egypt, wouldn't you know? Here we are back in the land of cat dookie and the eyeballs and. Yep, but they weren't little wands. So the ancient Egyptians were not using little p wands. Like, rather, you would be asked by the medicine, the witch doctor, the medicine man, to pee on a basket or a
pile of wheat or barley. In fact, this is the statement of this procedure taken from the Berlin medical papyrus, which was written about 1350 BC. So this one goes way back. It says, barley, wheat, let the woman water the woman water them with her urine every day with dates and the sand in two bags. If both bags grow, she will bear. She's pregnant. Um, that's my note there. If the barley grows, it means, that is a male child. If the wheat grows, it means a female child. If both do not
grow, she will not bear a child. So in other words, you pee on the grains and whatever one sprouts tells you if you're going to have a kid or not. Um, the belief was the things that are, like inside the woman which make a baby grow would be passed and would cause plants to grow in the context of seeds and plant material. Now, we've visited, like I said, we have visited the ancient Egyptians before. We have found ourselves
there. We talked about bath, we talked about what they do with cat poopy and much of their medical practices seem rough. They don't seem too great. They seem kind of outdated, mostly because, and I'm not trying to disparage that they were doing the best with what they had. And I would argue they did a pretty good job. They actually had, as we're going to see, a few things figured out, maybe ahead of time, but much of their medical practices seem at least
suspect. I mean, again, they rub cat poop in their eyes, for goodness sakes. Go listen to that if you want. We already did that one. But the interesting thing is here, these Egyptians might have been onto something. They might have been keyed in on something that they didn't understand, but it would come into play.
I don't think their approach is better. That's what I'm saying. Imagine if we just had, like, bags of grain, and whenever a woman or a couple thought that she was pregnant, they would set up this weird little science experiment in the garage. Like the husband walks in, as she quote, and I'm quoting here, quote, waters the plants. Like jeepers. Like, dear. Can I help you? Oh, uh, no, I'm just taking a pregnancy test. As she squats over like a big pile of oatmeal. No,
we have to move past that. But even though these ancient egyptian pregnancy tests were not entirely accurate, the Egyptians were onto something because the Egyptians had it more square than the Greeks who came after them. The medical papyrus had the next diagnosis as well. The Greeks really latched onto this one. So the greek philosopher and medical great grandfather Hippocrates. Hippocrats. Hippocrates. Hippopanon suggested an altogether different treatment or a different way, uh, of
detecting pregnancy. Parents. If you had kids, you might want to hop forward, call it four minutes. We'll do that. Hippocrates thought that if a woman believed themselves to be pregnant, they would be encouraged to stick an onion or other strong smelling vegetable up their lady zone, the vaginal cavity, when they go to bed for the night. The belief was that if their breath smelled like that vegetable in the morning, they'd be pregnant. Now, I'm not a doctor.
I can't stress this enough. This is one of those episodes where I have to tell you, um, like, big branding iron, just, Hunter's not a doctor. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. Never purported to be. But I don't think you have to be either of those things to say this. Bet those ladies ain't getting much sleep that night. Like, you get a full bulbous onion just yoinked fully up your zone, like, freaking mitt full of onion and. Yeah, right.
Like, you ain't getting much sleep. Um, God forbid you get a spicier vegetable, like, holy goodness, ain't we glad that one didn't catch on? Could you have imagined if that was it, could you imagine, let's just say the 1% chance that the Greeks were on us and they weren't. This was nonsense. Um, but could you imagine? That's the pregnancy test of method today. They stick the little thing down there, and then in the morning it's like, am I fresh? Does it smell bad? How do you think I'm pregnant?
No. Stop it. Ain't we glad it didn't catch on? But this is like an outlier. Because most pregnancy tests of antiquity relied on urine. They had the notion they understood something. There's something in the urine. In the 15 hundreds, a collection of women's medical lore called the distaff gospels stated a woman could pee in a basin and put a latch into the basin, and then in a few hours, when they remove the pee, there would be a marking or an imprintation of the latch on the bottom of the
basin. Here again, we see the assumption that the woman's pea, when pregnant, is significantly changed to impact the metal on this test. In other words, it's, does the p react with the metal in so much that it causes it to stain or burn into the bottom of this basin? It's weird, but it might have worked. It could have worked. A group of individuals arose in the Middle Ages who claimed to be able to predict a woman's pregnancy using a number of really
suspect urine tests. And these would study the color of the urine, would mix the pea with wine to see if there was a reaction. Don't drink it. All I can think of when I think of that is that scene in dumb and dumber where they pass the highway patrolman, just the bottle of wee that he thinks his alcohol, and he just downs it. Classic stuff. Great movie. Um, also one of the best bathroom diarrhea dookie scenes that exists. These tests, um, that these, uh, people would conduct were not limited to
pregnant women. They were called the piss prophets, believing that there was something in the pee. And turns out they might be right. And more on these piss prophets another day. There's too much going on there. But around the same time as them. Physician Jacques Guillemo. Um, Jacques Guillemu. Wee wee monsour. Uh, thought you could tell if someone was pregnant by looking into their eyes. Look me in the eyes. Look m. Are you pregnant? Are you looking into my eye?
If their eyes were deep set with droopy lids, they would be pregnant. No, he probably isn't. Right? But, like, modernity has shown that there are changes in the eyesight of pregnant women. So maybe Mr. Gulemo Gilemo was onto something here. Or maybe their eyes are just looked like they're set in because they're not sleeping as well,
because they're pregnant, because they're growing. A person in the mid 18 hundreds, a doctor named James Chadwick, God bless him, believed there was a change in the coloration of the skin inside the woman's anatomy at, ah, pregnancy. Now, this is very likely to be real, but back then, into, uh, just appear into a woman's zone was just taboo. Nowadays, you know what? It ain't easy being a lady. That's all there is to, uh, know. Actually, no. So, letter Kenny. Great show. Love in Letter
Kenny. But there's this scene in letter Kenny where a couple of the ladies from the show are describing to some of the guys of the show the process of getting a pap schmer and good night. Um, but they weren't doing those back then. To get anywhere near that private area of a woman was just taboo. They did not do it. And so this method of is their discoloration. It probably wasn't used very much. Now, you may hear all of these and think, wow, I can't believe they did that.
That's wild, man. I'm glad that was so long ago. I'm so glad we've grown so much since then. Well, I want us to just, uh, do a little practice here with each other. I want you to imagine the most unhelpful, ridiculous test you could run to determine if you were pregnant. And you might be thinking, well, yoinking that onion was pretty high up there, but I want you to think, do you have that in your
brain? This is kind of like the dora the explorer moment, except for instead of telling her where swiper the fox is hiding behind the tree, we're all sharing the worst possible method we can come up with of determine if you're pregnant. I have a question. Did it involve a rabbit? No. Well, then you need to give it another run, because while you do, I, uh, need to
tell you about the rabbit test. In the mid 1920s, german scientist Selmer Oskheim Askheim and Bernard Zondeck discovered there was a specific growth hormone in pregnant women that was linked to ovary growth. This is known as hCG. And so they decided to start testing. Now, if we take the pea, the urine of someone believed to be pregnant, and inject it into a. I don't know. Oh, hey, look at a rabbit,
a prepubescent rabbit. That is a rabbit who, up until this point, is unable to bear children because it hasn't gotten that situation square yet. Then we can kill the rabbit, cut it open and see if the rabbit's ovaries had swollen. It's just that simple. It's the simplest pregnancy test that we can come up with. You take the woman's urine, you inject it into the essentially child rabbit, and if the ovaries are swollen, you're pregnant. I don't
see what the problem is. Now, they could observe the ovaries without killing the animal, but, like, that took more time and effort, so they just killed the rabbits. Now, while most, if not all rabbits died, and this is where I got to say, many rabbits were harmed in the making of this pregnancy test, uh, while most of the rabbits died, the saying would go, if you were pregnant. Well, the rabbit died. Um, you know what? Next time somebody tells you, hey, I'm pregnant,
reply with that. Well, the rabbit died. See what they do? And when they're like, what in the flipping heck are you talking about? Uh, send them our way. Point them over here to privy. Say, hey, I've got a home for you. You want to come join hunter in his bathroom? He's got rabbit. Um, but, man, we wish we didn't have to kill all these rabbits. Let's try it on another one of God's great creatures. Take your pick. Well, you selected a
frog. Well, you got it in one. The test was the same, but the frog would survive. And if the woman was pregnant, after the urine was injected into the frog, as a result, the pea containing the hormone the frog would produce eggs within the day. So you take a frog, you plop him down, you squirt the lady pea into the frog. Does the frog produce eggs? If so, you are pregnant. It's called the buffo test, named after the species of toad. And the man responsible for this was Lancelot hogben. Good
night. O to be those frogs. It's the R. Kelly of frogs over here. These urine based animal catalyst tests were primarily for the rich or high profile of society. Between m 1940 and 1960, thousands and thousands of these frog tests were conducted by the doctors of patients who believed to be pregnant. But it's not conducive, it's not helpful, and it takes a significant amount of time. It was a hassle. You had to go see your doctor.
And most doctors would only grant these frog bufo tests if there was an urgent medical reason or if you could foot the bill. I like the idea of going to the doctor's office and he's just got a big cage of frogs. You're like, hey, what's up with the frogs? You know, like how doctor's offices have aquariums. Now, my thought is that it's kind of like that where the frogs kind of live in the lobby, and then everybody knows what the frogs are for, but nobody wants to talk about
what the frogs are for. And then the doctor just comes from out of the back room and just reaches in and just twink and just grabs one of these frogs. And everybody stares at him and the frog as they go, we know what's about to happen to you, bud. Hang in there. But these frog tests took time. And with all of these tests, save a couple looking at you, Greece. There seems to be something in the p. There seems to
pee. Something in the p. Get it? Pee. Um. When a woman is pregnant, their pee contains quite the cocktail of hormones. The main one, as we have already discussed, is hCG, which is responsible for stopping the menstrual cycle to allow for further egg development. But in 1960, scientists came up with a breakthrough. It got rid of the use of live animals, and in time, they left behind the need to test for hCG and moved toward antibodies. Still used hCG, but it was a lot faster and animals were
totally off the hook. Doctors Brownstein and Ross developed a test in the 1970s that used sheep's blood. Good night. In short, they would see how the blood would clump if it clumped. They were not pregnant. If it did, they were. But you still had to go to the doctor and they still had to take the blood out of these sheep. It was just a lot quicker. And no sheep were harmed in the making of these pregnancy tests, but it required a
ten step process science experiment. If you wanted to buy these for your home, it was like one of those little kid chemistry sets, except for instead of mixing, like, vinegar and stuff that you would normally find in your kitchen, it's your urine and sheep's blood. Yay. Come on over. What's this in the cupboard I found? It's a DIY chemistry kit. Oh. Whoa. Oh. Let's read the instructions. Um. Pee in the vat. Excuse me. Now, it was a ten step process, and they were 97% accurate if done correctly.
But, like, the margin for error was so great, it was the first time a woman could see if they were pregnant without seeing their doctor. Was these at home? Sheep's blood compound. Urine based pregnancy chemistry sets. First time a woman could see if they were pregnant without seeing a doctor, other than looking down and going, hm, there's something underwater. Modern stick tests didn't arise until 1988. They don't involve sheep's blood and they're much easier and
more accurate. But they do the same thing. They're still detecting hCG levels, but the antibodies react with dye agents, causing that blue line. It is estimated in the US that 20 million at home tests are sold every year. It gave some agency to women who were able to check their pregnancy without a doctor from the comfort of their home a day after their missed period. All because some egyptian blokes had women ping on bags of plants and grain. Now, when you take a test. Little etiquette here.
I have never peed on a pregnancy test yet. Um, but when you take a test, make sure you do it in a sanitary and safe environment. Also, you are responsible for disposing of the test. If you simply throw it out, anyone who looks into the trash can and will find it. Maybe using the packaging as a confidentiality sleeve could be helpful. There are some people and reports out there on the crazy bedlam streets of the Internet who keep the test. They hold onto it. You can do this.
There's all sorts of options. You give it to someone as a gift, take a picture, frame it, put it in a box. Some people are like, putting it next to their face. Need I remind you, you just peed on it. Stop it. Stop sticking the pregnancy test next to your face. To take the Instagram photo. You peed on it. Stop. Not to make this about guys, but there's this notion that you can detect a hernia with a pregnancy test. And I missed my opportunity because Josh Werman had a hernia and I didn't have him
pee on. And I just feel so ashamed that I didn't ask him to. I am curious if a man's been fixed. I wonder if he pees on a pregnancy test if it comes out different. Mhm. I might be talking to Werman yet. There's also this, like, oh, if you mail it, but they know you peed on it. Stop. I don't know. It's like the people that keep the umbilical cord skin for like, 25 years. It's crusty and weird. Um, I'm like, I know there's sentimental value, but, man, when I find that,
um. Yeah, the whole hernia thing seems like a myth, completely made up. Probably a pregnancy test company is trying to make an extra buck. They're like, how do we get m the men involved? Uh, they were already involved in a pretty big way. What a world we live. Pregnancy tests can be amazing and an amazing way to celebrate new life. And as I reminded you at the beginning of this year, we need to take time to be thankful. So let's be thankful for pregnancy tests. They're convenient, they're
at home, safer. It's cheaper. Give some agency to the couple. Let's be thankful for every rabbit and frog that went before us. A moment of silence for those rabbits and frogs. Pregnancy tests can be an amazing way to celebrate new life. And so, if you have a pregnancy test, um, cool. Congratulations. Um, I don't know how to say that. Either way, this brings us to the end of another episode of privy. Thank you so much for joining us. As always, we would love for you to leave us a, uh, rating
or review. The five star options are preferred. And remember, a dollar for every rating will be sent to wounded warriors. Uh, and if you leave one of those typed ratings on Apple podcasts, we'll bump that up to a couple bucks. Do that. Remember, we got to keep pooping in the free world. But the free world wasn't always free. Follow us on social media. We're at Privycast on all social media, trying to get some discord, trying to get some things. We're throwing some spaghetti at the
wall. Uh, you can follow me. I'm at Owlett seven. On all those things, you can email the show, episode suggestions, comments, concerns, pictures, um, the like. If you want to be on the show, if you have a buddy who took the fattest deuce you've ever seen in your life and you want him to come on the show and talk about it, email us privycast at, uh@gmail.com, we'd love to hear from you. As always, we want to thank Kevin McLeod and Pottington Bear for the use of their music this
week. Thank you, Kevin and Pottington. This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining us. Make sure you wash your butthole. And now, as always, don't forget to flush. It's mhm.