>> Speaker A: When you say, oh, I'm a city planner, like, a non 0% portion of your job is figuring out where everybody's going to take a dump. Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathroom recorded from my home bathroom. I'm your host, hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms. I want to give, um, just another brief update here. So I went to the doctor. I had an established patient visit. For those of you that don't know, healthcare in America is a flipping joke.
Uh, and I made an appointment for my established patient visit back in July. So, naturally, I had that visit in February, and I decided that while in this appointment, I wanted to follow up. I wanted to verify some information with this, with this gentleman. Uh, and so I decided I'm going. >> Speaker B: To ask this trained professional. >> Speaker A: This guy went to school. He went to college of some degree, get a degree, because that's what he
got. Um, but he went to college in some capacity for, like, ten years. And so, obviously, if you go to college for ten years, the thing that you are trained and able to do is answer podcast hosts questions about things related to the bathrooms. And so I asked him, I said, we didn't get into the weeds. Like. Cause we don't need to get in the know, stay out of the weeds. But, uh, in more than one way, we're in Oregon. You need to stay out of the weeds. You know what I'm saying?
But I asked a trained medical professional, uh, and his student, by the way, which was a female, uh, nice young lady, and I just posed it to him. I said, hey, I have a question. Have you ever heard that if a man pees on a pregnancy test, it's an indication of a hernia? And the guy just kind of sits there for a moment. He's just like, no, that's not real. And I said, okay, if a guy pees on, uh, a pregnancy test and it comes back positive, like, is there cause for concern
at this point? His student, who is attending him, is kind of, like, staring at me, and she has a mask on, of course. So all I can see is her eyes, but her eyes are telling the story. And her eyes are telling this story. Who is this freak that is in my mentor doctor's office right now? Like, what did he just say? And sure enough, my doctor, my now doctor, uh, at the point of this recording of all four days now, he looks at me, and he says, well, have you peed on one recently? And
I regret it. To inform him that I had. Uh. And he said, well, but was it positive? I said, no, it was negative. I'm just curious, like, if someone does pee on it and it is positive, is there a concern? And the research is in. Again, this is like on the streets journalism I'm doing here. You're welcome. I'll save you a trip to the doctor on this one. This one is from a doctor. He said it can be a tell for testicular cancer, which is not good.
So if you're a dude and for some reason, who knows, maybe you host a podcast and you break down and you decide, you know what? I talked about pregnancy tests, and I've never even used one, I might as well give it a shot. Maybe that's you. Maybe that's you, and you're thinking, wow, I really need to hose one of these things down. Um, if it's positive and you are a guy, you should go to your doctor. I can say that. And since the pregnancy test episode,
again, I administered an at home test. Uh, it was negative. I'm not pregnant, and I hopefully don't have the aforementioned cancer. Now, from that experience of peeing on the pregnancy test, I learned a very important lesson about pregnancy tests. The first is that the end you pee on, the actual portion of the test that you urinate on is much more rigid than you would hope or want. Like, I thought it was going to be like a brush, like a paintbrush. >> Speaker B: Texture.
>> Speaker A: Ah, in texture. Um, no, it is like rigid. Um, it's still absorbent, but it's rigid. The second, which is related to that first gleaning, is that pregnancy tests, to my understanding, were meant to be administered below the surface of the bowl. Because if you do them, as some. >> Speaker B: Podcast hosts have done them, above the. >> Speaker A: Surface of the bowl, there is a level of splashing and spraying that occurs when your stream hits that rigid
edge. That is, just, for lack of a better word, unwanted in every way we live and learn. But there was just a level of splash. That's not okay. Speaking of levels of splash that are not okay, something we talked about in the past is the level of splash that exists in public restrooms. In the past, we have noted the tension of public
restrooms. There is the concerns of paying for maintenance and upkeep, providing access for people to go to the bathroom that doesn't impose on local businesses who themselves struggle to pay for the costs related to their restrooms. I live in the Pacific Northwest, squatchen country, as the Discovery Channel would remind me. And in some of our urban centers, namely, they're called cities, um, namely Portland, Eugene, and Salem, it turns out. And check your local municipalities before you.
>> Speaker B: Go seeking to practice this air quotes. >> Speaker A: Right, that I'm getting ready to tell you about, but it seems that you're allowed to just go to the bathroom outside as long as you do not expose yourself to someone. That's not a solution, but it is helpful. Like if in a pinch, go hit the bush and maybe you got to use some bush to wipe, you know what I'm saying? You got to, uh, bush wipe it. >> Speaker B: But it would seem that these cities.
>> Speaker A: Do not look at this as a long term solution. In the city of Portland, there is an estimated 33,000 to 5000 people who live on the streets and are categorized as homeless or unhoused. Likewise, Portland's growing population in foot traffic increased growing bathroom concerns. At the turn of the millennium, conversations began as to where all these people were going to take a know the hard discussions that city planners have.
Imagine sitting around when you say, oh, I'm a city planner. A non 0% portion of your job is figuring out where everybody's going to take a dump. Let's be honest, that is part of the job. There's any city planners listening to this? Reach out to me. I want to talk to you. I would love to talk to you. In 2006, Portland State University, uh, published a report titled going public. In it, the researchers identified the need for new and public access to restrooms.
24 7365. This caused me to ask myself, and in turn, Joe Byron's Google, a question which is, what is the history of public restroom in Portland like? >> Speaker B: What is the history of public bathrooms. >> Speaker A: In Portland look like? Now? To my basic amounts of research, the history is limited. >> Speaker B: From what I can tell, it comes. >> Speaker A: Down to there being a pair of. >> Speaker B: Underground paid public restrooms at the intersection.
>> Speaker A: Of 6th and Yam Hill near the Portland Hotel. These were built and used in the early 19 hundreds and throughout the rest of the century. But I can imagine that the idea of going below ground to use the bathroom in a place where it rains like eight to nine months of the year really lost its luster as time went
on. I guess it's paid so it would keep randos from going underground to do things under the COVID of dark, but still, uh, also more on doing things under the COVID of dark here in just a little bit. And when it comes to the history of public bathrooms in Portland, other than like city park bathrooms that were installed along parks, it's about, it's, it's pretty rife. And then for years, it's kind of like, figure it out. And then PSU published their document.
And this document called for new public bathrooms for the residents of Portland, specifically ones accessible at all hours. >> Speaker B: Because if you need to drop a. >> Speaker A: Liquid shaz at 03:00 a.m. You better be able to out in the darkness of
Portland. Two years later, after a lot of collaboration with city planning and the city of Portland, they teamed up with Portland based manufacturing company Madden fabrication for the production of this week's topic, the Portland Loo. Now, if you heard that and you misheard it and thought, uh oh. Portland Zoo, where the animal poop goes is a different conversation for another time. But the production of the first Portland loo would be placed in the city's old Chinatown
in 2008. These Portland loos, manufactured by Madden fabrications, have many key features, a couple of which are its, quote, crime resistant material, single occupancy, and exterior hand washing. I will note they are not self cleaning, which would be rad, but drastically increases the cost and maintenance upkeep. More on that. The cost of a Portland loo is about $90 to $95,000 for the base model. And there are additional costs of shipping and insulation, as well as putting in.
>> Speaker B: The, uh, sewer, uh, line, that are about $35,000. >> Speaker A: So just to make one of these exists on the streets of Portland is about 120 grand. They estimate that yearly maintenance on a, uh, Portland Loo is about $10,000. In short, these are some expensive toilets, and they plan to generate no money off of them except for the service they provide to tourism. But there was this boom. Madden Fabrication found its stride and really began producing these for more places
than just Portland. Because, as it turns out, the question of where tourists, the homeless and passersby. >> Speaker B: Are going to pass their byproducts is. >> Speaker A: A question to many city planning officials all over the world. I'm telling you, these city planners are sitting around just trying to figure out where their residents and tourists are going to poop. That's, like, what the job is. If you tell me I'm a city.
>> Speaker B: Planner, I instantly assume you sit there. >> Speaker A: To figure out where people go to the bathroom. Like that is part of the job. What do we got? Sparkling berry? Yeah. Um, it ain't no orange vanilla, but it'll suffice. It's perfectly serviceable. Since the creation and initial installation of the first Portland loo, there have been 14 other loos installed within the city of Portland, the most recent of which was installed in 2018. Six of these loos are open.
Twenty four seven to the people of Portland, while the other nine follow the park hours. The other 19, I believe. No. >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker A: The other nine. Sorry, M. Do math. Do math. The other nine follow the park hours in which they are located. For its first five years, the city of Portland was in charge of marketing and selling these loos like they were in the business of selling some toilets. But Madden fabrication took over the role of marketing in 2014.
Other cities which have ordered and placed Portland lose include Victoria, British Columbia, Cambridge, Cincinnati, Missoula, Montana, Montreal, Olympia, Washington, Seattle, San Antonio, Austin, San Diego, Albuquerque, Vancouver, BC, Vancouver, WA, Galveston, Dunedin, New Zealand, Miami, Emeryville, M. Ketchikan, Monterey, Arkata, Ventura, Sacramento, Salt Lake, Reno, Kalamazoo, and Santa Rosa. From Portland to Kalamazoo, you can use a, uh, Portland loo. These little boxes
for you to drop. Your stacks are all over the place. They're spread all across these cities. They're in other countries. They've made it to New Zealand. To date, there have been produced 62 Portland lose as of 2022. I, uh, feel like Dr. Seuss would be pretty proud of what we've done here today. Like, the rhyme game has been on point. Now, while the Portland lose may have. >> Speaker B: Solved one problem, answering the question where.
>> Speaker A: People are going to go drop a hot, steamy pile, as is the case with pretty much anything people get involved with, they have created a whole nother problem. Just three years after its installation in. >> Speaker B: 2011, an interview with a police officer. >> Speaker A: The police officer commented about the original Portland Loo in Chinatown. He says,
well, it's a crack house. It is noted the loo is a favorite nighttime destination for drug dealers, prostitutes, and a place for people to do nefarious deeds under the COVID of a locked door in the dark. This struggle was not isolated to the streets of Portland. San Diego PD noted an uptick in disturbance calls after the installation of Portland Loo's. Concerns all over the country relating to the loo's byproducts have been heralded. In some cities, they have ordered the loo, and it
is sitting, waiting to be installed. And on the side of all these outdoor public stations, at least the ones which haven't been vandalized to a point. >> Speaker B: More on that in just a moment. >> Speaker A: On the outside of all of these public outdoor bathroom stations
is the statement. The Portland loo, these tiny doctor who shaped bathrooms that have been plopped all over the country and in some cases all over the world, they have become beacons of poop and pee, as well as places for you to go commit a crime. And as you take a dump or sell methamphetamine or whatever you've got a name associated with that. It's on the side of the box. Portland. For those who know Portland, you know how fitting
that is. So whether you're in Albuquerque or Montreal or kalamazoo, Portland is the spot for sex, drugs, and dropping a stack. I've seen some public, um, bathroom horrors in my life. Uh, when I was, you know what? Let's make it official. Let's make it official. This is hunter's anecdotes to keep you afloat. Once when I was mentoring in the streets of Salem, uh, the Salem riverfront bathroom, riverfront park bathrooms were a regular stop for my mentor youths. And I I remember this one time.
>> Speaker B: I had a younger youth this day. >> Speaker A: And he's like, I got to go to the bathroom. I said, well, there's one over there. And I walk over. >> Speaker B: I take him over the bathroom. He goes in there. >> Speaker A: Single occupants. He goes in to do his thing, and he goes in, and he almost immediately comes back out. He's like, I, uh, can't use that. >> Speaker B: And I'm like, why?
>> Speaker A: He goes, it's bad. And I go in, and there's, like, soiled underwear and all sorts of nonsense just spread hither and yawn. And I'm like, okay, bud, you don't have to do that. And I go on the next one over, and there's just, like, someone has. >> Speaker B: Like, halfway done their, uh, laundry in. >> Speaker A: The sink, but they clogged it and left it, and there's, like, just used underwear just in the sink.
And so finally, I just called it. I said, you know what, dude? Let's just go over to the game store, and if I have to buy you a snack to let you use bathroom, let's just go over there. But I got to tell you, while I have seen some heinous public bathrooms in my time in Salem, this week, I took a trip to Portland, impromptu as it was. Uh, we woke up on Saturday. My m wife had made plans with her sister to go to the Portland zoo. Now, while at the Portland zoo, we
saw many great things. I saw an owl, a, uh, uh, screech owl. It was really great. He was half blind. Saw some cool condors. Um, saw some pretty neat. Uh, I saw elephants having sex. Uh, so that was interesting. Um, my son learned something about nature that day. But one of the things that I'm sitting here, I had done some research for this episode. I had been researching Portland lose. And here, just right on my doorstep, just such, like a gift, is a trip to Portland.
>> Speaker B: And I'm sitting here going, uh, I'm. >> Speaker A: Going to be kicking myself. I'm not going to be able to sleep well if my fat duff goes all the way up to the crap hole that is Portland. And I don't investigate a loo like, it had to be done. And so my wife's a very patient woman. Um, because one of the things that is said on the way up to the zoo is, hey, after we're done with the zoo, I need to make a pit stop. Oh, where I
need to go find one of these Portland lose. I gotta go check it out for myself. And of know, my wife obliges. She's a very patient woman. Um, and so we go to the zoo. We do our zoo thing, and then we get in the car, and I'm like, okay, I've done some research. I know there's a Portland loo within ten minutes of the zoo. We got to go hit it up. >> Speaker B: And so we visited the Portland loo. >> Speaker A: At the waterfront park. I don't know remember the name of the park?
It's got a guy's name attached to. It's not important. And we're driving, and we're like, oh, I can't spot it. I can't spot it. And then I see it, this wonderful little silver gray box. So I make an illegal uturn, and I parallel park, and I jaywalk across the road. We're just breaking all the laws here. And I get over there, and the first thing that strikes me as I approach this loo is behind the loo, almost sharing a wall is a porta potty.
Like the city has brought in a porta potty. Now I'm sitting here thinking to myself, this could mean one of two things. Either there's something going on with this loo, or the foot traffic, may I say, butt traffic of this loo has become so great that they have had to install a porta potty. Either way, I'm sitting here thinking, doesn't that kind of, like, bode negatively for the effectiveness of these loos? But I digress. I approach the loo, I come around the corner.
Um, and if you want to see all this, it'll be all in this privy social. I'll put the. Yeah. Um, but I approach, and I pull the door open, and I am just met with the most fecal spread hellscape I have ever seen in my entire life. I once stepped in a lake of backed up septic at my previous job. Go find that episode. I quit being a janitor, I think is what it's called. But this Portland loo is wall to wall graffiti inside and wall to wall floor almost to ceiling, covered in human waste.
Poop everywhere. Everywhere. I opened the door and I looked down, and there was just turd sludge just right next to my feet. And I went, oh, my gosh. I took pictures. I took some photos, and I got the heck out of there. The toilet was, uh, I was originally, I told my wife when I got back in the car, I was like, I had made plans to sit on this toilet seat and take a picture, like, do the whole thing.
There was no sitting on the toilet seat. The waste products have come up and out of the toilet seat and are, like, sitting inches above. The toilet was so clogged that the city of Portland just gave up on cleaning it and fixing the toilet and installed a Porta potty. And you might ask yourself, and I cannot stress enough, this is not to disparage the people at Madden fabrication. >> Speaker B: This ain't their fault. >> Speaker A: It's the city of Portland's fault.
I would say maybe the people using this thing, but when it says anti crime and it can't be vandal, that only goes so far. There was vandalism all up in it. This thing hadn't been cleaned in ages. It was one of the most foul bathrooms I have ever seen in my entire. >> Speaker B: I only. >> Speaker A: I just went to one at random. Like, who knows what the others are like? But it doesn't bow well. Like, the law of averages is, like,
they're just as bad. A Portland loo wall to wall with fecal matter. This has been hunter's anecdotes to keep you afloat. And this brings us to the end of another episode of the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. We're glad you're here. If you would send us an email, privycast@gmail.com, we'd love to hear from you. Uh, send us episode suggestions, comments, concerns if you want to be on the show. If you know somebody who's got some wild bathroom stories, send them our
way. We'd love to hear from you. You can follow us at social media, at Privycast, on all social media. You can follow me. >> Speaker B: I'm at owlette seven. >> Speaker A: I'm putting weird stuff in my pie hole. Uh, something I'm thankful for is I'm thankful for clean public restrooms. >> Speaker B: When you find one, it's a gem. >> Speaker A: When you find a clean public restroom, it's a gem. Be thankful for it.
We've got a lot to be thankful for, and one of the ways that. >> Speaker B: We express that thankfulness is by giving. >> Speaker A: Some money to the wounded warriors project. Um, for every rating or review left. >> Speaker B: We donate a dollar or two to. >> Speaker A: Wounded warriors, um, as a recognition that we keep pooping in the free world. But that free world was not always free. Um, thank you to those who have fought
and served. Our meager donations are not enough, but, uh, you can leave us a rating or review. Five star options are preferred. >> Speaker B: And we're going to give some money. >> Speaker A: To the wounded warriors project as a result. So share the show. Uh, send it far and wide so that way more and more folks can leave. Those reviews generate more and more stuff going on there. We would love to do that. Um, so, yeah, share the
show. Tell somebody, tell three people, share it on social media. Do whatever you need to do. Get the word out there. Think of it as, like, what's the way that I can embarrass hunter the most? Oh, share the show he makes about bathrooms. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: I will share it to everybody. Um, it'll be like a prank on me. As always, we want to thank Kevin McLeod and Pottington Bear for the use. >> Speaker B: Of our music this week. Thank you, Kevin.
>> Speaker A: Evan in Pottington. This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining us. Keep pooping in the free world. Don't forget to wash your butthole. And now, as always, don't forget to flush.