>> Speaker A: Yeah, go ahead and talk into it. See where we're at here. >> Speaker B: Check, check, mike check, mike check, checkety check. Wiggity whack. Don't do crack. >> Speaker A: That's right. Unless it's butt crack. >> Speaker B: Butt crack. Oh, uh. Man, I've seen so much butt crack in my life just from my son alone. >> Speaker A: Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded this week.
I'm off location. I'm actually recording from the men's restroom at the church I attend. Thanks, Pastor Ben. Um, and I'm joined by none other than, uh, Chris Luckman. Chris, how are you? >> Speaker B: So good. How are you, sir? Glad to be here in the bathroom. Thank goodness it's not Sunday, because it gets stanky. Yeah, there's a lot of stank and not a lot of movement, uh, of that stank going up in the roof, like supposedly it's supposed to.
>> Speaker A: You wouldn't believe it, but. So, for the trained ear, I'm going to give you a second here of this. So that's the sound of the jet engine fan. That is the bathroom fan at our church and works great. It couldn't get louder. And I know that it's not awful to hear, but it's awful to be in it. Um, yes. There's not a lot of stank in here today. Not yet. >> Speaker B: We'll get there, don't worry. Hot.
>> Speaker A: Um, well, Chris, uh, I'm going to just give kind of like, well, who in the heck are you? >> Speaker B: First of all, I'm Chris Luckman. That's who I am. And I'm 43. There you go, 40. >> Speaker A: Do your math. >> Speaker B: Three years young. Uh, let's see. >> Speaker A: I've grown. >> Speaker B: Been born and raised here in Oregon. Lived in Albany pretty much my entire life. Dang. Yeah, I know, right? >> Speaker A: How's that?
>> Speaker B: It's all right. It's not too bad. I mean, we moved to, uh, Lebanon, what, I guess five years ago now, since 2000. Really? Is that pretty close to that? >> Speaker A: I thought you've lived there for, like, 1520 years. >> Speaker B: No, not in Lebanon. We just moved there. That's where we bought our house. >> Speaker A: Right. Okay. >> Speaker B: But I grew up. Born and raised here in Albany. Actually, just down the road from east side here. And, uh.
Yeah. Huh. Born and raised. Wow. On the playgrounds where I spent most of my days. >> Speaker A: What is, like, the biggest change that Albany has undergone since, in your lifetime, in your opinion? >> Speaker B: Oh, man. Uh, well, first of all, just the amount of people, and I, uh, think that it's gone from a lot of conservatives were here, and there's still a lot of conservative people here. Um, but it's kind of changed to be a lot more liberal, I feel. And just the amount of shops
and places to go and do things. When I was a kid, the cool thing was, uh, what was it called? Trying, ah, to remember. Imagination station. Or I can't remember what it was called. And it's actually where the sportsman warehouse was. And so it was like, just like an indoor place that you could go hang out and play weird. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Huh. >> Speaker A: How long has that been gone? >> Speaker B: I, um, think it came up in like, 1992 and was gone in
1995. Something like that. Really not very long. >> Speaker A: Wow. Ah, the imagination station. >> Speaker B: Yeah. I don't even know if it was imagination station. I can't remember what it's called right now because I'm too old. 43. Dang it. >> Speaker A: It's not even that old. >> Speaker B: Yeah, well, old enough for me to forget some stuff that I probably shouldn't be forgetting. Don't get old, kids. >> Speaker A: And, um, you have a brother?
>> Speaker B: I do. I do have a brother, yes. He's 40. Good dude. He's a custodian. I'm sure he has lots of really good stories. >> Speaker A: They all do. >> Speaker B: They all do. I'm sure I did some custodial work, too, so I have really stories of my own. >> Speaker A: When were you a custodian? >> Speaker B: Uh, so I would do custodial stuff, uh, from like, when I was working at south. Oh, really? Oh, that's right. Yeah. I did like an hour or
two then. And then I would also do a lot of stuff during the summer, which was more maintenance related, less. >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Cleaning bathrooms and things. >> Speaker A: I showed you this picture, but the kids at the high school, they made a toilet paper dookie log mountain and overflowed the toilet today. And bad. >> Speaker B: Some of the, uh, things that I've seen via either picture and or personal, um, have seen while I've gone to the
bathroom. Specifically. This one was on the other side of town, uh, west Albany. I kid you, uh, mean, I have a venti sized cup with me from Starbucks. Uh, no commission from them. >> Speaker A: That's size large for those Americans. >> Speaker B: That's very big. Okay. I mean, you look at that diameter, it's pretty thick. I'd say that's probably two and a half inches, three inches wide, do you think? >> Speaker A: I mean, size doesn't matter. But you're not wrong.
>> Speaker B: Not wrong. Okay. Literally, I've seen a turd that wide and probably about. I, uh, mean, this is maybe about half that size. About that size. And I'm like, uh, literally the size of a softball. How does a kid get a turd that big out of their body? Too much cheese, too many crackers. I don't know. I'm kind of jealous. >> Speaker A: I have a story that's never been told, and today is not the day I'm saving it.
>> Speaker B: You've heard this. Okay, maybe I've heard it, all right? But. >> Speaker A: It'S one of those. The potato turd is just a thing of beauty. >> Speaker B: Yeah, potato turd. I love the term. That's a good one. >> Speaker A: Was it clogging the toilet? >> Speaker B: Like, literally, it would not flush. It was hard and dense. There's nothing. It was just in there. You needed a poo knife is what you really need. >> Speaker A: Cut that thing up
tillamuk. Or, like, every cheese company should just sell the poo knife to go with their. >> Speaker B: They got to make it silicone. Put a little metal inside. Should be perfect just to help with that. >> Speaker A: And then they'll start breaking down. They'll start charging a plastic tax on that, too. >> Speaker B: Yeah, right. >> Speaker A: Nonsense. >> Speaker B: They could make it non biodegradable. Right? >> Speaker A: That's right. For the turtles.
>> Speaker B: For the turtles. >> Speaker A: Uh, they're over here like, oh, we heard old. They're like, oh, we got a slave of the turtles. I'm like, uh, I've lived in Oregon for pushing ten years now. I ain't seen a turtle yet. >> Speaker B: Me either. >> Speaker A: I don't know which ones we're worried about. I've seen a lot of them in Florida where they don't care about the straws. I don't know. >> Speaker B: I don't know.
>> Speaker A: Maybe the turtles in Florida should have got the memo that it's better here. >> Speaker B: Right. >> Speaker A: They should have, uh, moved to Oregon. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Said no one. Right. >> Speaker B: Uh, that's right. Especially someone who's been here for a long time. >> Speaker A: Welcome to the hellscape, uh, serious shout out to Aaron badly, who's in Spokane. >> Speaker B: And just, hi, Aaron badly.
>> Speaker A: Hi, Aaron. Aaron shared that. >> Speaker B: It was just cool name, by the way. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah. >> Speaker B: Badly. What a bad name. Sorry. I don't know. Can I say that? Yeah. >> Speaker A: It's know with the power of editing. >> Speaker B: Fair enough. You can bleep me. >> Speaker A: It's even better, like, when you just bleep words that aren't bleepable, it's just, like, just randomly put the bleep in.
>> Speaker B: Put the bleep in. Yeah. >> Speaker A: So you shared that you have some stories about the bathroom. >> Speaker B: Oh, yes. >> Speaker A: Feel, uh, free. However, whichever one you want to share or both or all. >> Speaker B: I have a couple. I got a couple in mind. I have three specific ones that I'm really thinking of. I'll share three different. >> Speaker A: Uh, perfect.
>> Speaker B: Two of which happened to me and one which did not happen to me, but I was witnessed two. >> Speaker A: Oh, jeez. >> Speaker B: Okay. And it does involve a family member. Um, so, first of all, uh, camping at Detroit lake. I was probably 16 at the time with my family, uh, my brother and my friend matthew. Um, shout out to Matthew. What's up, matthew? Uh, we all decided that, uh, we wanted to go swim out to wizard island, and we had a raft with us.
>> Speaker A: What is wizard? >> Speaker B: Sorry. Detroit lake has wizard island, and it's just basically this island in the middle of lake. >> Speaker A: Right. >> Speaker B: Okay. Okay. So we're camping on one side, and we can actually, it's not too far. It's maybe half a mile, maybe a little bit more, know, swim across or use our raft to go across. And so we decided, hey, we're going to go do this,
right? So we did it. We grabbed rubber raft, we threw it in the water, and, um, the bottom of the raft actually had broken. But we decided, well, we got kind of this plastic. We can probably still make it over. So we started paddling. Um, and as we're paddling, wind picks up. So we're like, okay, what are we going to do? So we decide we're going to jump out of the raft, but we can't just leave the raft in the middle of the water, right? Because we're about halfway there now,
right? So we're swimming, going all the way, getting there, swimming hard, using lots of. Okay. Burning all our energy, we finally make it to wizard, uh, island. This is about maybe an hour and a half into our journey. >> Speaker A: Whoa. >> Speaker B: An hour and a half, right. So that's a long time for us to be paddling and trying to swim. That's how bad the wind had picked. Okay. We get there, and I feel a grumbling. >> Speaker A: Oh, he's got a grumble.
>> Speaker B: I have a not. It's. It's bad, right? You're like, I need to go. But we're at Wizard island. We're pretty exhausted because it's an hour and a half into this journey. >> Speaker A: And I'm assuming there's no bathrooms on island. >> Speaker B: None. No, none in there. And so I just let my brother and Matthew know. Hey, uh, I got a poop. Where can I go? Should I get out? Should I just go find a know? I was like, I didn't want to find some pine needles and
get some pine needles stuck in my bunghole. Oh, yeah, because that'd be not fun. Yeah, right. >> Speaker A: You don't want pine needles in the boring holio. >> Speaker B: No. So I decided that I'll just wait out a little bit and drop, uh, trowel and go. Yeah, so that's what I did. I, uh, dropped trowel. I let loose two hot, uh, snakes, if you will. >> Speaker A: Hot snakes.
>> Speaker B: Hot snakes. Okay. One of them sank completely down, but, uh, the other one needs more fiber. Decided that it wanted to float. >> Speaker A: Fiber, buddy. >> Speaker B: Instead of floating away from me or like projectile flying away from me. That didn't happen. No, it decided that it was going to hang out close to me. And so I, uh, had to grab a stick. I had to ask Matthew, hey,
throw me a stick. I'm, like, frantic at this point because I didn't want this turd to touch me because I knew where it came from. My backside. Obviously, nobody wants to hang out there. Um, and so, uh, Matthew and Aaron both throw sticks at me. One hits me in the head, right? And so then, like, take this stick and, like, start beating the water. Beating the water. Trying to chunk this turd up. >> Speaker A: He's trying to break it out that.
>> Speaker B: It will go away. And, uh, eventually, little particles started floating towards me. And it did eventually sink afterwards down with a stick, probably. But when you're 16, you don't think of those things. You're just like, there is a giant turd coming my way. I need to break this thing up. >> Speaker A: The sentence, when you're 16, you don't think about it. Could not be more true at every moment of any person's life. >> Speaker B: Yeah, it's true. Um.
>> Speaker A: Wow. So what did your brother and Matthew think? Ah, they watch you chop this turd up. >> Speaker B: They're just laughing their heads off at me because first of all, they know I had poop. And second, uh, of all, they're just, like, laughing, trying to find something to throw at it. They're, like, throwing rocks at it, too, and laughing this whole time. >> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. They're like, playing battleship with the turd and some
rocks. Like, yoink. >> Speaker B: Literally, that's. >> Speaker A: What the heck. So did you ever make it to Wizard island? >> Speaker B: We did. That was actually at wizard. >> Speaker A: Oh, on the way back. >> Speaker B: Yeah, that was there. And then we decided after, uh, those shenanigans, we were like, let's go back. >> Speaker A: Right? >> Speaker B: Because we didn't really want to explore at that point.
>> Speaker A: Man, you guys could have got stuck on the island if the wind had been bad enough. >> Speaker B: Well, we could have. And actually, we decided pretty much after that incident that we were going to go back to camp and so started heading that way. And, um, thankfully a boater came and picked us up, saw us dragging the boat, saw us swimming the whole time, and then apparently come out. Come find out later. My parents, um, had asked one of the neighbor who had a boat to.
>> Speaker A: Come pick, can you go rescue our children? >> Speaker B: They saw that we were struggling really hard. I mean, we had life jackets and stuff, so we weren't dumb and we weren't going to drown or anything. Drowned. Um. Drown, drown. We'll go with that. >> Speaker A: Spelling and grammar probably doesn't really matter that much anyway. >> Speaker B: Good point. Well, when you're a fourth grade teacher, you start
to think about these stupid things now. Yeah, I'm more, um, up on my adverbs and nouns. >> Speaker A: Probably more than I am, than I. >> Speaker B: Ever have been in my entire life. >> Speaker A: I guarantee you the kids in your fourth grade class are probably more keen on those things than some of the students that I work with on a weekly basis. >> Speaker B: Yeah, they probably are. Uh, maybe some of them.
>> Speaker A: We'll get back to the others. But how is teaching fourth grade? >> Speaker B: Oh, man, it's awesome. Yeah, I love it. I love teaching fourth graders. They're some of the funniest kids ever. They're hilarious. >> Speaker A: They're still innocent, but not quite middle schoolers. >> Speaker B: Yeah, man, it's true. It's very true. And they still kind of listen. Yeah, I give them a direction and they'll actually listen.
>> Speaker A: That's awesome. That's nice. >> Speaker B: Unlike the high schoolers that I had to deal with, which will just give you explicit. Uh, they give you what you want to do. >> Speaker A: Um, I told Werman, uh, one of my crew there, he got a four pack of West Virginia's. Um, do you know what West Virginia is? >> Speaker B: I assume it's a. >> Speaker A: No, no. A west Virginia is where you get the bird, but they stick the thumb out while they do it.
>> Speaker B: Why is that called the west? >> Speaker A: I don't know why it's called the West Virginia. >> Speaker B: Is that from, like, your old school Montana place? >> Speaker A: I don't remember where I heard this. I think I heard this on another show at some point and have just left it into my living. >> Speaker B: All right, but he got four in. >> Speaker A: A row from a kid within two minutes. >> Speaker B: Just bam, bam.
>> Speaker A: Yeah, we're just bam, bam, bam. And I told him, I was like, when you write up the note, just put in four pack of West Virginia's. I'll know what it's. Four pack of West Virginia. Um, if you ever get a four pack of West Virginia's. >> Speaker B: Now you know, let me know. >> Speaker A: I want to know about it. >> Speaker B: Uh, the more you know. Ding. >> Speaker A: So you're Wizard Island? >> Speaker B: Wizard island.
>> Speaker A: You made it back safe. >> Speaker B: Made it back safe. >> Speaker A: After having chopped up your turd? >> Speaker B: After chopping up the turd. Yep. Everybody was good. No one got sick, thankfully. So there you go. >> Speaker A: Did your parents ever find out about the turd? >> Speaker B: Oh, no, we kept that a secret. >> Speaker A: Did your parents find out about the turd, and they didn't want to say anything to you?
>> Speaker B: That may be true. We've never really had that conversation. So. Christmas is coming. Maybe we'll talk about it then. Go. Good dinner conversation. So you remember when I was 16. >> Speaker A: I got stuck out by wizard island? >> Speaker B: Had to crap. Had to chop up a poop. >> Speaker A: I was hacking at my deuce. Um, wow. >> Speaker B: And hygiene, especially when you're 16, is really important.
>> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Everybody's. They're keen on it. Um, from what I can tell, hygiene for I would say not all, but a significant amount of 16 year old boys is essentially add a new sweatshirt and add some amount of deodorant, whether stick or spray. Somewhere. >> Speaker B: Yeah, anywhere. Um, well, and we didn't have a spray back then, right? >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker B: Uh, did we know? No. It was either, like, the roll on
stuff. Sure. Where you just had the roll on. Sticky stuff, sure, or. Yeah, sure. Raise your hand if you're sure that tells you how old I am, right? >> Speaker A: I have no idea what you're talking about. >> Speaker B: Right. Yeah. That's because you're. I'm sorry. No. Millennial. >> Speaker A: No, I totally got the reference, actually. Uh, yeah, I'm sure you did. Sure, man. >> Speaker B: And I'm sure more than half of your audience will not even know that. Look it up.
>> Speaker A: Oh, well, raise your hand if you're sure this was a deodorant. Deodorant back in the day, that was. Sure. >> Speaker B: S u r e. S u r. Huh. Sure. >> Speaker A: This is how you spell sure? >> Speaker B: Yes, it is. And that's why they came up with a jingle. Raise your hand if you're sure, because then you knew you were fresh. >> Speaker A: Hey, can I tell you, that's better than most
of what's going on in the deodorant world right now? I believe it because the current deodorant game is, and God bless them, but they're, like, making deodorant that is scented. Like what I would think when I think of a candle. It's like, pumpkin spice and all this nonsense. No, thank you. It's fine. Like, my wife has visited that. Um. >> Speaker B: What is it, mahogany? Cypress? >> Speaker A: No, right now, um, she has toasted vanilla, marshmallow. Uh,
we don't need to talk about why. I know why. >> Speaker B: Do you know? Let's talk about that. Actually. >> Speaker A: Have I not told you this yet? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: Oh, dog. I took a bite of it. >> Speaker B: Oh, okay. Yeah. How did it taste? >> Speaker A: It was absolutely terrible. It was like one of the worst things I've ever put in my mouth. >> Speaker B: It's still deodorant. But wait, time
out. Hold on. Let's clarify this here. Did she use it before? >> Speaker A: No. >> Speaker B: Was it fresh out of the package? >> Speaker A: It was fresh. >> Speaker B: No one's used it fresh. And you just like. Yes. Okay, so there's no body odor. >> Speaker A: Totally unadulterated. Until I adulterated it. >> Speaker B: Until you adulterated it. Okay. >> Speaker A: Um, but, yeah. >> Speaker B: Who hasn't licked a deodorant stick? I'm sure
everybody has. Come on, y'all. Come on. You're a liar if you have. >> Speaker A: I'm going to add that to the list of questions that I ask all people. >> Speaker B: You should. >> Speaker A: Have you ever licked deodorant? >> Speaker B: Deodorant? Um, your own deodorant, even after using it? Come on now. >> Speaker A: I don't know. You don't know? >> Speaker B: Why are you turning red? >> Speaker A: Uh, I'm not good. But what I do know is I'm not.
>> Speaker B: It's hard to tell on the podcast. >> Speaker A: Dang it. Okay, that voice. I do that voice to make fun of, like, sometimes students. Um, guys, um, and that's your voice to. With me. Son of a gun. >> Speaker B: Got him. >> Speaker A: Uh, eat deodorant. Uh, yeah. Dang sure. Was that what you use with. >> Speaker B: Sure. Yes, it was. Uh, well, and then for a while, I mean, the big thing was, uh, old spice. They didn't
have all the conglomerate of. I still like. It was just like, old spice. And maybe the sport one. I don't know, the sport one. >> Speaker A: That was pretty much sport one's what I use. >> Speaker B: So here's the crazy thing about that. That stuff started hurting me really bad. I don't know whether it was just the chemicals in it or whatever, but I'd get a rash under my arm and so my lymph nodes would swell and eventually had to have surgery and stop holding
that. Yeah, that's why I went to sure, because it had less trap in it, whatever it was. So I can't even use old spice anymore. >> Speaker A: Like, still to this day. >> Speaker B: Still to this day. Can't use it. >> Speaker A: Wow. >> Speaker B: It just breaks me out underneath my arms. I don't know why? Whatever it is, there's some sort of chemical that my body's like, screw you, I'm out of here. >> Speaker A: Hot. >> Speaker B: It literally was.
>> Speaker A: Dang, dude, that's crazy. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Uh, wow. Old spice of all, too. >> Speaker B: I know, right? Old school. >> Speaker A: I would have thought that old spice would have been, like, one of the safe ones. >> Speaker B: I even tried Axax. Doesn't work for me. Really? The only thing I do use right now is dove. I know that sounds. >> Speaker A: Oh, no, that's fine.
>> Speaker B: Sounds kind of effeminate, but I know they have men choices. >> Speaker A: But, hey, I took a bite of toasted vanilla marshmallow deodorant, so I ain't got nothing to say. Brand was it, uh, secret? Well, the brand was native, okay? >> Speaker B: Or naive, as I like to call it. >> Speaker A: Yeah. So I'm not proud of how much I spent on that deodorant before I took a bite of it, but, like, eight? Um, yeah.
>> Speaker B: $9 for a deodorant that you just wanted. >> Speaker A: And then why don't you just take. >> Speaker B: A bite and leave it at the store? >> Speaker A: Because I couldn't do that. Because what if somebody sees me? Like, over here? >> Speaker B: Half the battle, that's half the fun. Someone goes home to tell this story to their family. Dude, I saw this weird guy today at the store. He literally opened up the deodorant and took a bite
out of it. What the hell is wrong with this world? >> Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, my gosh, dude. >> Speaker B: See? People's reactions. That's great. >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker B: I wish you would have done that now. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Hey, who knows? Maybe for round two on the deodorant. Buy it. >> Speaker B: Is that going to be on TikTok? >> Speaker A: You should do that. It's unfortunately on TikTok. >> Speaker B: Uh. >> Speaker A: Uh, good.
>> Speaker B: Um, handle again. Owlette seven. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Remember the days where we used to shout, I can't. He's a still student there. Dang it. >> Speaker B: Uh, I do. >> Speaker A: He's still triggered by that. >> Speaker B: Really? >> Speaker A: Yeah, he brings it up all the time. Yeah, like you and Mr. Love. >> Speaker B: It was his snap. It's what he needed. >> Speaker A: Adam was.
>> Speaker B: We're trying to get him a mean. Come on. We were looking out for the boy. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Freshman. >> Speaker B: He's senior this year. >> Speaker A: Oh, he very much is. >> Speaker B: Yeah, he's ready. I'm surprised he stayed that long, but that's good. Good for him. Talks about his teacher. There you go. Good job, good job. Way to help him. >> Speaker A: No. So you had more stories of bathroom horrors or other things?
>> Speaker B: Oh, God, yes. Okay, so here's number, uh, hat. This one does not involve me. Personally. But I did witness it, and it does involve a family member. So my son, Emmett. Okay. We were at Waterloo park, and my son was probably at the time, three. Three and a half. Okay. And we were there with my family. My mom and dad had come into town. They moved from. I just poked myself in the eye. Do you see that? >> Speaker A: Blink, whack. >> Speaker B: Um, editing.
>> Speaker A: That's all staying in. I refuse. >> Speaker B: You refuse? Okay, good. Um, so he's three at the time. My daughter hasn't been born yet. Um, I think Roxanne was pregnant at the time. We were at Waterloo park. We're there with, uh, my, uh, stepsister, Emily. And I guess she's my sister, because my parents adopted her. Whatever. However that works out. Anyway, so she was there with her kids, and my parents were there. We had pizza, right, for
lunch. Kids are all playing. They're at the park, having fun, doing their own thing. Emmett, mind you, at this point, is 100% potty trained. Like, he can tell us when he needs to go to the bathroom. He knows when to stop playing to go. Right. Well, us adults are hanging out, just talking, while the kids are over in the little playground area, playing, hanging out. And all of a sudden, my sister yells, hey, Chris, look at your
son, Emmett. And he's literally next to the play structure, but close enough, like, to a tree. They're, like, maybe 4ft apart. Emmet has his pants fully down. >> Speaker A: Yes. >> Speaker B: Squatting to take a big fat turd right against the tree. Because he didn't want to stop play so bad, uh, to come over and tell us that he had to go to the bathroom. Squatted right by the tree, took a dump. And all the kids are, like, yelling, hey, look at that kid.
He's taking a dump. And my son's just like, what? I had to go. Took a dump right by the tree in front of everybody. God, everybody. It didn't matter who was there. That was my son. I even got a picture of it. >> Speaker A: Of the turd, of him taking, but. >> Speaker B: Of him, like, I was pretty far. I was just, like, thinking, this is hilarious. So I grabbed my camera as fast as I could to catch him in the moment squatting next to the tree. >> Speaker A: That's hilarious.
>> Speaker B: All of the kids are yelling. >> Speaker A: And the best part is, at that point, he's still at an age where it's like, it's fine. >> Speaker B: Yeah, just had to poop. >> Speaker A: Like, hey, kid, don't do that. But good job going to the bathroom. Not in your pants. >> Speaker B: Absolutely. He was in underwear because he was potty trained. He was done. Good to go. >> Speaker A: Hey, you know what? That is so great.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Uh, awesome. >> Speaker B: But out in the middle of the park, Waterloo park just drops trowel. >> Speaker A: My only follow up is and I can cut this. Did you guys leave it? >> Speaker B: Of course we did. Yes. I'm not going to go pick it up. >> Speaker A: Get one of those doggy bags. >> Speaker B: No, I left it. No way. Probably still there today is making that tree grow bigger.
>> Speaker A: That's right. He was fertilizing the lawn. >> Speaker B: Fertilizing the lawn and the trees. Yeah, I left it 100%. >> Speaker A: That's hilarious. Young eman. >> Speaker B: Yup. Uh, that when he's a teenager, he'll love it. So will his first girlfriend. >> Speaker A: Sucker. Just play this for them when they're older. Absolutely. Here you go, kid. Strap in. >> Speaker B: It'll be great. >> Speaker A: Um, wow. The image of.
>> Speaker B: I don't know if I still have that picture. I should show you. I'll see if I can look for it. >> Speaker A: Um, it's great. So while you look, any other stories of bathroom horrors or otherwise. >> Speaker B: Okay. This is my last story that I have. I'd have to get on Amazon prime, probably photos to figure that out. >> Speaker A: Prime photos. Not a sponsor. >> Speaker B: Not a sponsor yet. Um, this one was when I was working and I was going to school.
And so, um, I was working for national frozen foods, and at the time I was a truck driver. Okay. So basically what I would do is I would drive from the plant to the field, grab beans, go back to the plant, drop off the beans, do all that kind of stuff. Green beans is what they did all the time. >> Speaker A: Slinging beans. >> Speaker B: Okay, slinging beans. Um, and so some days you feel good, some days you don't. I happened to have a little bit of an upset tummy.
Drank some coffee, just kind of was like, it'll be all right. Added some bread. Just tried to feel a little bit better. I still wanted to go to work, needed money. You know how it is, right? Times are tough. Um, and so I'm driving this truck down I five, and, uh, feeling like, who? I need to go. And I need to go now. I need to go now. I need to go, um, in a company, uh, mean, I'm like 3 miles from that rest stop between millersburg and where that is just out there. Just out
past millersburg. And I'm like, I don't think I'm going to make it. Driving in, I'm like speeding with an empty truck, trying to get to this bathroom. Uh, and this is me heading out to the field, mind you. Uh, instead of on my way in with a full truck. And so I'm speeding in, trying to get to that bathroom, driving north on I five, and I can't hold it. Can't hold it. So I just mess myself so way bad that I'm literally dripping with diarrhea all over my pants. My truck is
bad. Uh, yeah, I got some in my shoes. My sock. Yeah, it was really bad. So I go into the restroom and try and get myself as clean as possible. I'm like the weird homeless guy that's standing in there, like, trying to wash off my pants to the best I can. My shoes the best. >> Speaker A: Oh, my God. >> Speaker B: Uh, my undies, I just threw them away. There was no sense in keeping them, right? >> Speaker A: They're done.
>> Speaker B: They're done. There's just no way. I'm like, nah, that's not worth saving. They already had a couple of holes in them anyway. This doesn't matter. Yeah. Ah, we'll talk about underwear later. Right? How much you spend on underwear? >> Speaker A: I don't spend anything anymore. >> Speaker B: Not anymore. Right. You used to. Back to the story. You're not going to come out of that smelling like daisies? No,
not one iota. Uh, but I still have a job to do, so I go out to the field after I've cleaned up. I don't have to get out of my truck, thank God. Um, they come in, dump beans into my truck, and I'm able to just go straight in, uh, back from wherever the field was. And I come back in, and again, it hits. It hits on my way back in. Yes. And again. I'm like, two or 3 miles from that rest stop, but now going south. >> Speaker A: Whoa. >> Speaker B: And boom. Can't hold it.
Do it again. Again. >> Speaker A: No way. >> Speaker B: Twice. >> Speaker A: A twofer. Twofer again. >> Speaker B: Just more juice all over me. It was bad. It was bad. I had to get out again and go, like, just try and wash off my pants the best I could. Wash off my legs and my. >> Speaker A: But at this point, you don't have underwear. >> Speaker B: No, at this point, I don't have underwear. Right. Nothing? No.
I don't know if you ever tried this. Uh, have you ever tried a man pond? Do you know what a manpawn? >> Speaker A: I have not tried it, but I know what it is. >> Speaker B: What is a manpon? >> Speaker A: It's essentially, to my understanding, I'm going to add that caveat is you take a section of toilet paper and you affix it into the shape of a tampon, and you jam it up the backside to stop leakage. >> Speaker B: Essentially. That's basically what I had.
>> Speaker A: Did you go for that? >> Speaker B: Huh? >> Speaker A: Did you go for that? >> Speaker B: What do you mean? >> Speaker A: Did you do it? Did you do this thing? >> Speaker B: Uh, yes, I did. Whoa. >> Speaker A: What was the effectiveness? Did it work? >> Speaker B: I mean, you're talking one ply, like, scratchy. This isn't like Charmin, where you can use two pieces of toilet paper, and it's good. >> Speaker A: Beautiful bears.
>> Speaker B: Fine. Those beautiful bears. Right? This, um, is, like, terrible toilet paper, and it's kind of scratchy, and it hurts your bunghole. >> Speaker A: Would you ever do, like, paper towel? >> Speaker B: It's too rough. Too rough. I've tried it. Too rough. >> Speaker A: He's tried. >> Speaker B: I've tried it, y'all. I've tried it. >> Speaker A: How often? Nah, no, go ahead. >> Speaker B: That's fine.
>> Speaker A: How often do you attempt this procedure? >> Speaker B: Um, well, so if any of you have ever seen me, you know that I really don't have much of a, um, butt cheeks. I don't have any. Literally, it's a back and a crack. Uh, there's just two teeny little hams that I have. They're just small, little butt cheeks. Not much there. Um, and I'm trying to think if this was a time when I was losing weight as well, because I'd had, um, some bariatric surgery at the time, and
so I was a little skinnier. So even more. Less of a butt. I think that's part of what I was doing. Um. >> Speaker A: Oh, you think that's part of that. >> Speaker B: Just losing that weight? I don't know. Um, and so, yeah, I tried it. Stuffed as much as I could. It doesn't feel that comfortable, but it protects you a little bit. Yeah, not that day. Um. Man, it was bad. >> Speaker A: Do you think you ate something or what?
>> Speaker B: I have no idea. I don't know if I. Poisoning. I'm not sure. So literally, I get in. Uh, and this is probably the most embarrassing part, because you don't smell good at all. You have to get out of your truck and go weigh your beans and then go dump your beans. Right. >> Speaker A: Nice. >> Speaker B: Uh, so I do that, and then I go into the office and say, hey, I got to go. Uh, I need to leave. >> Speaker A: Uh, why?
>> Speaker B: Smelling like I smelled. They're, uh. Like, yeah, okay. No questions asked. Okay. That was it, then. I was on the toilet pretty much all day. >> Speaker A: Wow. >> Speaker B: I don't know what it was. I had something. >> Speaker A: Did you have to do any cleaning in the truck?
>> Speaker B: Oh, of course. Yeah. That's, uh, part of what I did when I was there, was trying to clean out as much of that truck as possible because there's other drivers who go in there, so I didn't want someone to catch the poor cholera from me or whatever. >> Speaker A: Oh, the poor bloke gets in there, opens the thing. It sits in the heat all day. >> Speaker B: Sure. It did not smell very good, right? Uh. >> Speaker A: Dang. Wow.
That, uh, is one of the best diarrhea stories I've ever heard in my life. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Actually, I just thought of another story. Perfect. I can't believe I forgot about this story. >> Speaker A: Well, we're here. >> Speaker B: This one's kind of funny. So this time I'm with Andrew peterson. >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker B: Uh, Casey horn. You know him? >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
>> Speaker B: Okay. So, uh, he's the wrestling coach at west Albany. I was over there as an IA, and we decided, well, not decided, I was going with them down to, um, crater high school. And they had this big tournament going on at the time. And so what we were to do was to camp there outside of the school, basically, while this wrestling tournament was going on. Um, and it's
nighttime, right. And we're not going to have access to the bathrooms because the school is all pretty much locked up after the. >> Speaker A: Uh. >> Speaker B: But what was available, and I happened to find know, you get that urge to poop. You have it. Um, there was a bucket there. Okay. Yes. So I find this bucket. I have to go. Andrew knows this, Casey knows this, that I got to go. I literally take the biggest, fattest, gnarliest dump inside of this, and I'm like,
now what do I do with it? What do I do with this? What do I do with this bucket? The only thing I could think of at the time was throw it over the fence that was near us. So I just threw this bucket over the fence, thinking. And I didn't think of anything of it until. No Monday morning came around, and Casey Horn gets his email about someone who threw a bucket over the fence full of feces. >> Speaker A: Where did it land?
>> Speaker B: I don't even know. I just literally threw it over the fence. >> Speaker A: What was it like, a citizen? >> Speaker B: I don't know if it was a citizen. Someone from their school creator school said that they found over in the west Albany section, uh, a bucket full of poop. >> Speaker A: What the heck? >> Speaker B: And so, of course, Casey laughed a lot about Andrew. >> Speaker A: What did he say in response? Was he like, oh, yeah, I don't.
>> Speaker B: Know what you're talking about. I'm not sure what happened. I don't know. I mean, he basically tried to play dumb. >> Speaker A: Oh, that's so good. I just have this picture of. >> Speaker B: How. >> Speaker A: Sometimes schools, they share a property line with just people who? Some guy sitting in his backyard, uh, watching thump. And just.
>> Speaker B: No, there was like, this bush kind of near it. I tried to hide it, and I think basically I lifted it over, trying to not let it slosh all over the place. >> Speaker A: Gosh. Just slinging it. >> Speaker B: Yeah. So I just was like, I'm going to kind of toss it and let it do its thing. It landed upright. Uh, and then. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Wow. >> Speaker B: Someone from crater school found it. >> Speaker A: Or their neighbor.
>> Speaker B: Or their neighbor. >> Speaker A: And called it in. That's what I'm called it in. Could you imagine being. >> Speaker B: Then we got an email saying, hey, uh, I don't know what you guys were doing over there, but we found this bucket of crap. Do you know anything about it? No. What are you talking about? >> Speaker A: I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know who would do that. >> Speaker B: That's disgusting.
You could actually ask Casey about that someday. >> Speaker A: Oh, if I ever have the opportunity, because he barely knows who I am. He knows that I'm like the equivalent of him across town, but that's about it. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a homeless person. Um, so I would definitely will just walk up and say, hey, I have a question for you. >> Speaker B: Do you know Chris Luckman? >> Speaker A: Do you know Chris Luckman? And more importantly, do you know about the bucket?
>> Speaker B: The bucket from crater? >> Speaker A: Yeah, the crater bucket. >> Speaker B: Crater. >> Speaker A: High school bucket. >> Speaker B: High school bucket. >> Speaker A: Um, yeah, that's. That's great. Um, well, so, Chris, I have a number of questions that I ask every person who comes on the podcast. >> Speaker B: Done. I'm ready. Fire away. >> Speaker A: And the first is, what type of toilet paper do you use at your home?
>> Speaker B: Typically at Costco. Whatever. The Costco brand. Yeah, Costco brand. Um, I mean, I know I've said charmin. Uh, I'm not really actually a huge fan of Charmin. Charmin. Charmin. >> Speaker A: Charman. >> Speaker B: Whatever. Uh, it's too soft and fluffy for me. I just like the regular. >> Speaker A: Uh, when you've. When you've experienced charmin in the past, are you experiencing red bag or blue bag? Charmin?
>> Speaker B: I don't know. Red? Yes. Yes to. >> Speaker A: That's, uh, I mean, that's what we're rocking. Yeah, pretty much. >> Speaker B: It's all right. >> Speaker A: Uh, to me, it's the best toilet paper. I might be saying too much taking that stance, but cost to thickness to plushness, it's the trifecta for me. Yeah, it gets me real good. >> Speaker B: Um, doesn't leave those dingleberries hanging. No. If you know what.
>> Speaker A: No, you scrape them out, scrape. Um, do you all fold it over or under at your home? >> Speaker B: Uh, it definitely goes over. Over. Well, and actually, at our house, to be fair, uh, we don't even really have a toilet paper holder. And part of it is because when you have younger kids, things get broken easily. >> Speaker A: They're unruly. >> Speaker B: They really are. >> Speaker A: Oh, I know.
>> Speaker B: Hard and stuff. And so we had one, this metal one that we bought, and it had kind of like the little thing that came down while one of the kids kind of broke it. And so it's just got this little platform. But I am definitely an over guy. >> Speaker A: Over. Why do you feel that is how it needs to be? >> Speaker B: Uh, because that's the right way to do it. >> Speaker A: Why do you feel that? >> Speaker B: Because that's how I roll.
Um, pull down. You never have to pull under. I don't know if you have to pull under it. You sometimes have to reach all the way under to get it. >> Speaker A: Do you jam your fingers? >> Speaker B: Uh, do I jam. No. Who jams their fingers? You got to be to jam your fingers? Well, I mean, you've got to be unstable. >> Speaker A: I've had a number of people tell me that that's why they do it over is because they're afraid of, quote, jamming their fingers.
>> Speaker B: Well, those people are, quote, unquote. Is that. Am I not allowed to say the R word? >> Speaker A: It's okay. With the power of editing, we can fix anything. >> Speaker B: Bleep it. They are beep. >> Speaker A: I'll just dub in, like you saying a different word earlier on. >> Speaker B: Okay. They are anus. >> Speaker A: They are manpond. >> Speaker B: Manpond. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Anyway. >> Speaker B: Sorry.
>> Speaker A: No, you're good. Um, how many sheets do you, when you go in for the wipe job, how many sheets do you use on the regular? >> Speaker B: Uh, I don't count. Who counts? >> Speaker A: I count. >> Speaker B: I probably go one, two, three loops. Three little loops. So however many that is, that's probably about eight sheets. Eight sheets. >> Speaker A: So you're a loop.
>> Speaker B: Who is Atlantis? Well, because I have to right now because the thing's broken and I'm too lazy to go to the store and buy one. >> Speaker A: Yeah. So I'm a folder. Like, when m I pull it out, I get my four. So I start with four, and then I fold it into a perfect square. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Who doesn't do that? >> Speaker A: And then I go back for round one. And then based on how wet the job is, we'll determine if I'm going four or three from there on out.
>> Speaker B: Uh, you mean more? >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker B: See, I do the three loops, and that's more than enough. To get the job done most of the time. >> Speaker A: Oh, so you're, like, going, are you reusing the pile? >> Speaker B: Uh, well, I mean, you can go around the whole pile, right? Yeah. Talking technique here. Now, you just, like, go under, and then you wipe. You kind of move it with your thumb a little bit.
Wipe a little more. So you move it with your thumb, and you move it. So you're, like, getting this circle turd on your toilet paper. >> Speaker A: Are you creating, like, a wheel? >> Speaker B: Yeah, essentially. >> Speaker A: And that is what wipes. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: This is beyond me. I have never heard of this before in my entire life. >> Speaker B: Never heard that one. Let's try it.
>> Speaker A: You are going to change the smell of my finger? >> Speaker B: Uh, sometimes. Just depends, I guess, on how rough you want to be up in there. Well, you're going like a savage. And you're like. I mean, I'm not a crumbler. Those guys are savage. >> Speaker A: Crumbler. >> Speaker B: If you're a crumbler, you're a savage. >> Speaker A: I can't literally, my son. >> Speaker B: Mine does, too. >> Speaker A: Why do kids.
>> Speaker B: I think they try. They're like, I don't want to take the time to fold it, so I'm going to crumble it and just shove my fingers up there. And if I get dirty, I get dirty. I'll wash my hands anyway. I don't care. >> Speaker A: Dad. Dad, I need help. >> Speaker B: Yeah, that happens often. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Um. Wow. The wheel. Wipe. >> Speaker B: The wheel wipe. Am I the first? >> Speaker A: You are the first. Not only on this show, but
ever in my entire life. You're welcome to describe. I've had somebody tell me I stand up for every. Yeah, no. Well, he's a special soul. >> Speaker B: We don't. I mean, is this the Bradley guy or what was his name? What was the. Brad. The guy up in Spokane. What's your name? No. >> Speaker A: Bradley. >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: Bradley poops naked. >> Speaker B: Uh, every time. >> Speaker A: Every time.
>> Speaker B: He. There's no way. Okay, well, that's. >> Speaker A: Yes. >> Speaker B: Does he have kids? >> Speaker A: Um, I believe he has a child. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: I should know this. I'm going to say yes. >> Speaker B: All right, fair enough. I mean, I'm not adverse to opening a door when you poop. Oh, yeah. You have to. >> Speaker A: I almost never lock the door.
>> Speaker B: No, I'm not talking about locking the door. I'm talking about having the door all the way open and then yelling at people to come to you just so they can see you sitting there taking a crap. >> Speaker A: Got you. >> Speaker B: And the other thing I love doing, uh, is sometimes wiping and just throwing it into the trash bin or whatever and leaving a big. I mean, the biggest turd I've ever had, literally, was a toilet
wrapper, like, all the way around. One solid piece was great. >> Speaker A: Whoa. >> Speaker B: I mean, I've sent pictures to people, I think. I didn't send pictures to you. >> Speaker A: I'm certain that I've seen these images. >> Speaker B: Uh, and my brother got really pissed at me because he's like, stop sending these damn pictures to me. >> Speaker A: They're disgusting. >> Speaker B: And I'm like, it's hilarious. >> Speaker A: Get over it, bud.
>> Speaker B: It's a potty shot. You got to. Yeah. I warned you. Don't look at it. >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Speaking of not opening things when they're sent to you, um, we're off on this. >> Speaker B: We're off. I know. Sorry. >> Speaker A: I'm so proud of the fact that I sent you me going to the bathroom, and your wife is the one who opened it. >> Speaker B: She did. She's, like, never doing that again.
She thought she was going to try and get you and be like, uh, this is Roxanne. She was really hoping you would be embarrassed by that, and I knew better. >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. She obviously. Here we are. Um, I've shared pretty much every time I've ever gone to the bathroom on the Internet at this well, so. But that I talked Anna into taking a listen to this. Listen, Roxanne. No. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: But to listening to that.
Um, and I'm like, Anna, you have to listen to it. Roxanne had to hear it. You should have to hear this. We're married. And I just played the audio, and I kid you not, she gagged, and it wasn't, like, fake gag. I'm going into the bathroom because I might throw up. Actually throw up that, and I'm like, you're kidding me. >> Speaker B: She's like, uh. >> Speaker A: I was like, yes. Got them. >> Speaker B: All right, so, great.
>> Speaker A: In the bathroom. Are you a bar soap or a liquid soap? >> Speaker B: Bar soap. >> Speaker A: Bar soap. >> Speaker B: Bar soap. I use bar soap and aloofa. Bar soap and aloofa. Because it's cheaper. It's cheap. I don't know. >> Speaker A: Um, bar soap and aloofa. So do you stick the bar soap into the loofah? >> Speaker B: Well, you like, lather. You get the loofah wet, and then
you get your bar wet. Right. And then you kind of get it all and create enough soap to take care. >> Speaker A: You got to get your bar wet. >> Speaker B: Yeah, you heard it here, kids. Get the bar wet. >> Speaker A: Uh, do you ever carve messages to your wife in the bar soap? >> Speaker B: No, I have never. Has she ever. Good idea. >> Speaker A: Has she ever carved you a message in the bar soap? >> Speaker B: No. Never even thought about it.
Well, I mean, I've never noticed anything. >> Speaker A: Whenever I am encountered with bar soap, I always check for a message, ever since talking to Jude Dominique. >> Speaker B: Because he said that. >> Speaker A: He said when he was growing up, he left messages in his bar soap for his siblings. >> Speaker B: Uh, okay. What kind of messages? >> Speaker A: I don't know. I like to think it was like, hey, how you doing? And I could just ask him, but it's more fun to.
>> Speaker B: I just use this on my, like. >> Speaker A: Or, like, how's it hanging to his brother? Or something like, that's what I want it to be. Um, so, Chris, how do you feel about baths? >> Speaker B: Um. They're disgusting. Yeah, they're pretty disgusting. Honestly. >> Speaker A: Why do you say that? >> Speaker B: Because you're sitting in your own filth. I agree already. Like, yes, it's human soup. Literally. >> Speaker A: I feel the exact same way.
>> Speaker B: Um, and you hear about medieval times where they gave milk baths and then gave the milk to sweet Lord. People like to drink. >> Speaker A: No way. Afterwards? >> Speaker B: Afterwards, yeah. >> Speaker A: Foul, dude. >> Speaker B: I mean, that's what I've heard. I don't know if it's true. >> Speaker A: Oh, it's probably true if I've learned. >> Speaker B: Anything or make cheese from it. It's already got some
femonda in it. You know what I mean? Yeah. >> Speaker A: Really get up under, living in a land down under. Um, yeah. If I've learned anything from this show, is that if there's something on the Internet or even in a book somewhere about a bathroom, it's probably true. >> Speaker B: Probably. >> Speaker A: Most people don't even like to talk about it. So if they're going to write or publish something, it's like, yeah, it's probably real. Unfortunately, it's probably real.
>> Speaker B: Um. >> Speaker A: Do you have any bathroom pet peeves? >> Speaker B: Um, not really. I guess as a man, the thing that's annoying is that you have to put down the seat right when you go pee because you have ladies in the house and that's what the expectation is. But honestly, shouldn't they be lifting the toilet seat for me? >> Speaker A: Um. Have you ever talked to your wife about this? >> Speaker B: Heck no. Are you crazy? No. I'll put it down
every time. Yes, ma'am. You want me to put the seat down? I'll do it for you. She's getting up at three in the morning to deal with the kids and she's got to go potty. I ain't going to let her fall in. And she may or may not have a couple of times, but secretly, in. >> Speaker A: The back of your brain, you're thinking, why can't you just a little.
>> Speaker B: I mean, I even do it at work. I put down the seat because I work with a bunch of women, and there's only, like, one, uh, two, three, four dudes there. There is a staff bathroom, but, I mean, it's not hard to tell who was the last person in there. Especially if you leave the toilet seat up, right? It's not like there's a, uh, designated male bathroom. >> Speaker A: Man, here we are. >> Speaker B: In those times, it's just gender neutral bathrooms.
>> Speaker A: So just stick the toilet seat up or down. >> Speaker B: Yeah, it's stupid. That's fair. Why don't we just put urinals in houses? Come on. >> Speaker A: That's why they're pet peeves. >> Speaker B: They're just lazy plumbers. Don't want to put an extra step of giving men urinals in their house. Right? I mean, why not, right? >> Speaker A: The sentence lazy plumbers is fun. >> Speaker B: It is.
>> Speaker A: Uh, when you eat out, what establishment does you the dirtiest? >> Speaker B: Um. Um, the last one that did us the worst was pops branding iron. >> Speaker A: Really? >> Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, pops branding iron. Both Roxanne and I got, like, food poisoning, and it was just, like, not fun crap after eating it. And then sometimes you look at the food, like, we bought biscuits and gravy, and the gravy had meat in it, but they literally look like deer poop.
And it just was, like, not, man, not good. >> Speaker A: I've only had pops once, and it. >> Speaker B: Wasn'T bad, but this has been a while. >> Speaker A: Yeah, usually that place that does. >> Speaker B: So we haven't really gone back. >> Speaker A: It's the worst when you get sick. You know what I mean? Um, because I eat places that just foul me up. We went to red robin after young adults Friday, and I had too much cheese, fondue the whole thing. And
then just 03:00 a.m. Just disaster strikes every time. Um, I don't learn, either. I refuse to learn. >> Speaker B: Uh, yeah, I feel you there. >> Speaker A: Um, Chris, have you ever taken a dark shower? >> Speaker B: I don't know what a dark shower is. >> Speaker A: So a dark shower is just simply. You take a shower in the. >> Speaker B: What. >> Speaker A: What caused you to take a dark shower? >> Speaker B: Uh, a friend of mine decided that.
They said, hey, you should try it. Just calming effect. So I did. >> Speaker A: Do I know this friend? >> Speaker B: No, it was someone in college when. >> Speaker A: I was in Montana. >> Speaker B: Although I know you were in Montana, but this is like, ah, fishtail. But maybe some of that's how I actually learned about the dark shower, was. >> Speaker A: In college here in Oregon. I had a guy be like,
hey, you just got to go for the dark shower. Go for the dark shower man, who'd have thought that the dark shower has been around a lot longer than I was thinking? >> Speaker B: Um, what do you mean? What are you saying? >> Speaker A: Well, I'm just saying that. >> Speaker B: See how you are. >> Speaker A: Well, you did start the show by saying you were 43. >> Speaker B: So 43 is old now.
>> Speaker A: No, but I'm assuming you were in college in Montana before I was in college in Oregon. >> Speaker B: Yes, that's true. 2001 was when I started. Well, 1999 was when I started college. >> Speaker A: Really? >> Speaker B: Yeah. At Lynn Benton. I was an average student, but I never applied myself. I mean, my college history is boring, and nobody wants to know that I went to college for 15 years longer than a doctor.
>> Speaker A: Um, some of us are still in college, so I got nothing to say. >> Speaker B: Well, yeah, except you have a degree to prove it. And you got, uh, your teaching license and all that stuff. >> Speaker A: I don't have that yet. >> Speaker B: Well, no, sir, but you kind of have an emergency license. >> Speaker A: Yeah, but from what I've learned, counted, mine didn't. Emergency licenses are mostly made up. >> Speaker B: Well, so is education.
>> Speaker A: You ain't wrong. Uh, have you ever eaten an orange in the shower as if it was an apple? >> Speaker B: No, I have not. >> Speaker A: Have you ever know of anybody who does this thing? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: It's a thing on the Internet. Uh, you, like, take an orange, you peel it, and then you just. >> Speaker B: Okay. No, it just dribbles everywhere. No.
Okay. No. >> Speaker A: Um, do you eat anything in the shower or drink anything while you're in the shower? >> Speaker B: Beer. I've drank beer in the shower. There you go. That's not bad. That's beer. Shower is good. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Shower, good. Do you ever eat or drink anything on the toilet? >> Speaker B: Uh, a sandwich? Yeah, sure. >> Speaker A: Sandwich. >> Speaker B: Sandwich. >> Speaker A: Sandwich.
>> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: What type of sandwich we talking? >> Speaker B: Ham sandwich. >> Speaker A: Ham sandwich. >> Speaker B: I think that was the last time I ate ribs. I've done ribs. >> Speaker A: You've had ribs on the toilet? >> Speaker B: Why not? >> Speaker A: No way. >> Speaker B: People are ready to go, and I had to go, so, you know, you just. >> Speaker A: Dude, how are you wiping? You got a lot of, like.
>> Speaker B: You got toilet paper there. You're fine. You're good. >> Speaker A: There's a lot of residue. >> Speaker B: You're going to wash your hands anyway. You're good. You just take one rib and throw. >> Speaker A: It away and you wash. Oh, my gosh, you're good. This is beyond me. That's the wildest answer I've ever heard. Ribs. It's like the messiest thing you could possibly eat.
>> Speaker B: Try it. Don't knock it. Just like I tried the chili and cinnamon, uh, roll thing. Yeah, but that's a recipe it was delightful. Your recipe from Midwestern. >> Speaker A: It's a midwestern delicacy. It's a midwestern delicacy. >> Speaker B: Great falls. >> Speaker A: Who told you? Um, have you ever performed a waffle stomp? >> Speaker B: Oh, yes, absolutely. >> Speaker A: Uh, even in my own shower, like your current shower at your house.
>> Speaker B: Well, my wife isn't going to listen to this. Oh, yeah, no, she ain't going to hear this. Yes. >> Speaker A: If I've learned anything, if you're married and a female. Hey, if you're married and are a woman, let me know that you listen to this, because I don't think you. Um, but. So you have done this at Roxanne? >> Speaker B: Does Roxanne know heck mean? Okay, first of all, bidet. I don't know if you ever talk about bidets on here. I'm sure you have.
>> Speaker A: It's incoming. >> Speaker B: Okay, so I'm interested in bidets. I don't know. I'm not saying that I want to feel that weird pressure, because it's different in America. Like, we're just used to wiping, but in other cultures, they're used to using the bidet to get themselves cleaner, which I'm a fan of being clean. Right. Instead of having a dirty bunghole all the
time. Get it? So sometimes, especially in the morning, you go do your business, and instead of wiping, you just get in the shower. Right? I mean, you're washing stuff down, but. >> Speaker A: Do you ever poop in the shower? >> Speaker B: I have. Yes. >> Speaker A: What? >> Speaker B: Yes. Okay. So you go poop, and then all of a sudden, you're in the shower. You're, like, starting to clean yourself up, and then it hits you, and you.
>> Speaker A: Just got to be like, well, just let it fly. I'm here, and they stomp it down. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: In your home shower. >> Speaker B: In my home shower. >> Speaker A: Any other showers? >> Speaker B: Uh, well, it's south Albany. Yeah. I'm picking some dunks there, some waffle stomping there. Not the only one. >> Speaker A: In, like, the locker room. >> Speaker B: In the locker room? Oh, yes.
>> Speaker A: Was there other people? >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker A: No way. >> Speaker B: Yeah. This is, like, usually after wrestling practice. >> Speaker A: What did they do? Were they just, like, appalled? >> Speaker B: Not really. Everybody pees in the shower, goes, yeah, that's fine. It just sometimes happens. >> Speaker A: How many times have you waffle stomped? >> Speaker B: Uh, if I had to guess, I mean, more than ten.
>> Speaker A: Really? >> Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, probably. Wow. Yeah. >> Speaker A: You're seasoned vet. >> Speaker B: Seasoned vet. Yeah. Absolutely. >> Speaker A: That is impressive. >> Speaker B: You got to get the good technique. Use a big toe to make sure you get it down the big holes. >> Speaker A: Okay. Use the quote big toe to get it down the big hole. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, that's what she said.
>> Speaker A: Yes. Have you ever heard of anybody tossing it, like, where they poop into their hand and then they reach out and toss it in the toilet? >> Speaker B: Uh, not that. No. But I mean, if you have ever soiled yourself, which I'm sure everybody has in the entire world. >> Speaker A: Absolutely. >> Speaker B: It gets on there. You just kind of, like, scoop it up with your hands and then toss it in the toilet. So that's kind of what you mean, but not
necessarily. Just, like, deciding today I'm going to. >> Speaker A: Dial in the shower. >> Speaker B: Oh, no, I haven't heard that. Huh? Yeah. I didn't know that was a thing. That's, like, option three that people say. I guess that makes sense. >> Speaker A: But into your hand. >> Speaker B: When you think of, uh, the peptobismal commercials. What are they doing? Where are they putting that hand for diarrhea? >> Speaker A: I know.
>> Speaker B: Got to catch it. So I guess I get it. >> Speaker A: Oh, man. >> Speaker B: I kind of get it. >> Speaker A: Don't know. >> Speaker B: I don't know if I do that. But, I mean, that's why the waffle stomp was invented. Yeah, stomp it down that drain, baby. >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that. >> Speaker B: Sorry. Michael wall. >> Speaker A: Hey, the church has some showers if you ever wanted to. >> Speaker B: Oh, good.
>> Speaker A: We could do a tandem waffle stomping in the church showers. >> Speaker B: We'll put that on the cast. Don't worry, everybody. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, that's future episode. We're going to tandem waffle stomp the church showers. Michael wall just walks in. What in the world? Trying to get it to go down. Stop it, man. Um, well, that is, uh. I can't believe you've done it that much. >> Speaker B: That's great.
>> Speaker A: Um, do you have any more bathroom wisdom to share with folks before we close out the episode? >> Speaker B: Bathroom wisdom? Uh, if you haven't tried the wheel method, try it. It'll change your life. >> Speaker A: Try the wheel method. >> Speaker B: Try the wheel method. Um, just be confident in your stank. It's okay. Be confident in your stank. Yeah, just let it. Just be confident. Yeah, that was me. Own it. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Own your stank.
>> Speaker B: Own your stank. >> Speaker A: I love it. I love it. >> Speaker B: From Chris Luckman. >> Speaker A: There you go. Uh, it might even be the title of the episode. >> Speaker B: Uh, own your stank. >> Speaker A: See, what people don't get is that's secretly what I'm doing when I say, do you have any words of wisdom for us? It's secretly me going, what the freak do I call this one? >> Speaker B: What do I call this episode? Own your stance.
>> Speaker A: Own your stance. Yes. Uh, well, I'm going to close this out. Um, I have to say it every time, but I caught my dog pooping in the backyard, and I've got to watch him, but it's awkward to see, so I'm going to be that dog now as I close this out. >> Speaker B: Get a sty in your eye. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Um, you're trying to close it out.
This brings us to the end of another episode. Thank you for listening, as always, you can follow us at privycast, um, wherever you get your social media. Chris, do you have social media? I don't even know. >> Speaker B: Uh, no, I don't. >> Speaker A: I know you have, like, something. >> Speaker B: Um, my wife has Facebook. We share Facebook. >> Speaker A: If you want to follow Chris's wife on Facebook, just look up Roxanne Luckman. I'm sure she'll love.
>> Speaker B: Get it in there. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure she would love to have just all of the people that listen to this. Just come on over there, tell her. >> Speaker B: All the terrible stories. Great. >> Speaker A: Yeah, you can follow me. I'm at owlet seven. I'm out there doing my thing. Uh, God knows that's dangerous. Uh, you can send us an email, privycast@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Leave
us a rating, a review. The five star options are preferred, and it just helps folks find the show and get all of that good bathroom wisdom. >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker A: As always, we want to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of bar room ballet, and Pottington bear for whatever music we used of his. Thanks, Kevin and Pottington. >> Speaker B: Thanks, Kevin and Potdington. You guys rock. >> Speaker A: This has been another episode of privy. Thanks so much for joining
us. And now, as always, don't forget to flush.