>> Speaker A: And it's dark in the room, and I fumble over to the lamp, and I turn on the lamp, and there's, like, this brown sticky log. And I've been lying next to it for, like, 45 minutes listening to chance the rapper while there's this log next to me. And I've already grabbed it. So I'm like, oh, I pick it up and I sniff it. >> Speaker B: Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home
bathroom. Uh, and this week, um, through the power of the Internet, I'm getting ready to have a friend join me here, uh, remotely, but I'll let him tell you more about that. Uh, and so I apologize now for any technical difficulty gremlins that we have. Uh, but we're going to roll with this and see what we get. So, uh, yeah, we'll see if we can get him in here. Hello? Sam? Yo, can you hear
me? I'm sorry I don't have video because my laptop is still the one that I was using when you and I were at corbin. >> Speaker A: So. >> Speaker B: It'S a fun thing. I have a little sticky note over it because I'm what my friends call paranoid. And, uh, I took it off, and then I turned zoom on, and it was like, hey, you don't have a webcam, bud. Uh, so I'm sorry. Yeah, no worries. >> Speaker A: You want me to turn mine off? Stare at me the whole time?
>> Speaker B: It's totally up to you. I'm good with whatever, man. It's just good to hear you and see you, dude. How are you? >> Speaker A: I'm good. Yeah, I'm in Arizona now, just living life. Fun. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, so I did a little bit of an intro before you hopped on here, but, um, I can just kind of. And you can fill in the gaps because I'm sure I have some things totally messed up. But my introduction to who you are was,
um. I want to say his name was Jesse. Is that right? >> Speaker A: Um, Jesse Hauser? >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said his last name. Ah, no, you're good. Okay. >> Speaker B: Yeah, we're beyond the point of. Yeah, okay. >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker B: So you guys were roommates, right? >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, freshman year. We're the same year. Right? Let me just get this right. We're the same year.
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. And I just know Jesse would come down the hallway, and, um, he was a very interesting guy. He was super cool. You know, you would just sometimes be there, just, like, kind of nodding and, like, yeah, I don't know. Uh, and that was kind of my introduction to Bagenstas. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I was pretty quiet freshman year. I imagine that's kind of the vibe I gave off.
>> Speaker B: Hey, I feel like we were all just kind of keeping our heads above water in our way. >> Speaker A: Well, you seemed a little bit louder. >> Speaker B: Yeah, um, I've always been. What? Yeah, a little louder is a good way to say it. I think that's why I went into ministry with teenagers, because it's just like, you just got to shout over them sometimes. Um. >> Speaker A: You're still doing that? >> Speaker B: Yeah, they can't get rid of me yet.
Um. >> Speaker A: Um. >> Speaker B: Feel free to even share because this might even need new information for me. But where did you grow up? And just hit me with whatever information you want to share with myself and other people who, like. >> Speaker A: I'm. You like bathrooms? That's great. Uh, I'm from Renton, Washington. That's where I grew up. >> Speaker B: Where is Renton? >> Speaker A: Renton is south of Seattle. Like an hour or 45 minutes south of Seattle.
>> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: Actually, not in Renton, an unincorporated King county, but close to Renton. I had three older siblings until I was nine, and then my younger brother was born. Um, so there's five of us. Well, uh, lots of going to the bathroom at my own house because we were home schooled and so didn't go to the bathroom in a school until I taught high school. I was a teacher for a bit. I don't know. I liked camping, growing up, lots of hiking,
outdoorsy stuff. Uh, me and my brothers had a juggling and unicycling act we would do when I was younger. We were really into that. >> Speaker B: Wow. >> Speaker A: And then went to school at Corbin University where we met, which is great. And then never really looked back. Stayed in Salem for ten years. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Wow. So you mentioned. Dang, man. Um, so you mentioned that you're in Arizona now. How long have you been over there?
>> Speaker A: Uh, like two and a half months. It hasn't been very long. Oh. >> Speaker B: Whoa. Oh. I was just going to say, do you have family there? Because I'm just trying to, like. Yeah. What took you over to Arizona? And you can even share what you're doing over. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. So I went to Corbin for english, but didn't really know what I want to do with it. As is the. I don't know. A lot of college students are that
way. You study what you're interested in, but they don't necessarily have a plan. And then I worked as a custodian for a. Yes, yes. I was at Corbin as a custodian. Ah. Well, before that was AAC. I was in student life, just doing student life stuff. But then I, uh, realized I want to do that, and I was custodian. And then you remember Sarah bracken? >> Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. >> Speaker A: She worked at, ah, turner, uh, elementary.
>> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: And there was a position open to work with special needs kids, and she's like, you should apply. So I applied, and I actually ended up working there for four years. >> Speaker B: Dude, no way. >> Speaker A: Four years. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: And then I went back to school, got my master's, got my teaching credentials in secondary
education. So high school student taught there, uh, at, uh, Cascade high school in that same school district, but realized I didn't like working with high school kids, so I stopped that real quick, went back to elementary school and was basically a full time sub there this last school year. But, uh, along the way, realized I didn't like teaching really at all, even though I love kids and I'm pretty good with younger kids. Not as good with high school
kids, but younger kids. And I love being around them and they like being around me. But realized I didn't want to teach. And I was always curious about outdoor work, like conservation type stuff, trail work, that sort of thing. But I went to four years of school, an english degree, and then I put all this time to get a master's degree. Yeah, it's easy to get in a state of mind. We're like, why? It's kind of too late now. I invested all this time
and money, but eventually I was like, screw it. I just want to try a different sort of. And so I applied to a bunch of different conservation type things, like bird counts in eastern Oregon and trail work in Montana. And I just kept on branching out more and more, kept on getting rejected by these different places. >> Speaker B: Wow. >> Speaker A: And, uh, nonprofit hired me here, and we do trail work and conservation work all around the state of Arizona, mainly just trails,
honestly. So I'm in a trail crew, and that's how I came out here. But I actually live with, uh, riffle. Remember Richard? >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah. >> Speaker A: Him and I are roommates. >> Speaker B: No way, dude. Okay. So I worked with, um, was shoot. Uh, he would have known it as, like, christian community placement center, but it's different name now. But, yeah, he and I worked together there as mentors for so. And I know he went to Corbin, I think. Um,
but I never knew him at Corbin. I knew him from work. Uh. >> Speaker A: Oh, that's funny. Like, while you were at Corbin or after? >> Speaker B: Um, it was while I was at Corbin, but he's a bit older, I think, maybe. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Ah, he's like, early 30s yeah. >> Speaker B: So I think he was, like, finishing up or had already finished up and was living in the area when we were there, I think.
>> Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't really know him. I think I played some frisbee with him at school. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: And then I was going through some big life changes a couple years after graduating, and so I needed a place to live then, so I actually lived in a house with him in Salem along with some other people that are connected to Corbin or just friends of people. >> Speaker B: Wow.
>> Speaker A: And then he moved to Tucson to live with his brother. His twin brother Ryan lives. And then I randomly got a job in Tucson and I texted him. I'm like, hey, can I stay at your place for a little bit? Hoping that he would say, yeah, but you want to live with me. But I didn't want to ask it. Right. And he's like, do you just want to move in? I'm like, yes, that is what I want to do. I would like to do that. Perfect. Now we live in an apartment.
>> Speaker B: Dude, that's awesome, man. So that's small world part one, I guess. Um, the other weird small world thing is you're talking about your journey through education and working in education. Homie, I am currently going back to school to teach in a high school. And I'm teaching special education, of all things. Yeah, I'm living the dream. I've got the behavior kids. >> Speaker A: Nice. >> Speaker B: Yeah, they tell me how it is every minute of every day, dude.
>> Speaker A: Yes, they do. If I were to be a teacher again, I think it would be in special ed. Uh, like, even high school secondary special ed. Um, I get along with them well, too. I feel like. I don't know. I mean this in the kindest way possible. No, I hear you. I think it's related to, like, I like working with young kids. Then you have high school special ed kids, and there's kind of this young aspect to them.
>> Speaker B: A lot of times, mentally and emotionally, they are much younger than they are on paper. >> Speaker A: Um, exactly. Except, like, calculus and stuff sometimes and. >> Speaker B: Could beat somebody up. >> Speaker A: But, like, dude, yes, there's some just massive special ed kids or teddy bears. Oh, yeah.
I don't know. I probably shouldn't tell a story because it's like, hey, but anyway, there's some big kids that like to take their clothes off randomly and they just love you, and you're like, get your clothes on now, please. >> Speaker B: Um, your arms are just straight up in the air. Like, please stop, dude. Yeah, like, we. We had a kid. Yeah, never mind. No, I hear you. >> Speaker A: Um. >> Speaker B: Wow. And you were, ah, a janitor. So I have some
bathroom. Were you doing any sort of bathroom related janitorial or was it away from the zone of disaster? >> Speaker A: No, uh, I definitely cleaned a lot of toilets while a janitor. I didn't even think of that, honestly. Um, let's see. I cleaned the dining hall in the morning, didn't do bathrooms to that. But then I did the bathrooms in PBG or in Balio and Davidson. Both guys and girl bathrooms, actually. I remember, which is tough. Know there's
open dorm hours at corbin. I don't know how it is now, but there was only certain days where it was like open dorms, I think by the time, or like open halls, like you can be in the hallway, supposed to be allowed to be in the hallways at certain times, and you're just like hoping there's not a girl coming out of the bathroom with a towel. Uh, I don't remember anything specific, but now, then
I'd just be like so awkward. Like, girls coming out of the bathroom, you're like knocking on the door and they can't differentiate me from another student. >> Speaker B: Right? >> Speaker A: I don't know, maybe that's better. Like, if I'm like a 50 year old guy knocking on the girl's bathroom door, maybe that's worse. I'm not sure. But you're like anyone in here. Uh, but the worst part is, once you're in there, then it's more terrifying because you're like in a
stall cleaning. At least on the outside. You hear somebody just turn away, but you're in there. Maybe they just run in, you're cornered. >> Speaker B: Yes, man. Did you ever have to clean up any big deposits or wild misses or anything like that? Um, also weird, I did janitorial at the same place Richard and I worked at for ten years. And those kids can't hit a target. >> Speaker A: It's bad. You're not talking about young life, are you? This is something different.
>> Speaker B: No, Richard was doing young life as well at the time, but, um, this was like a foster mental health services place. Uh, you ask him about. Oh, he'll know. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I can't really think of anything too terrible that I saw in a toilet. People wouldn't flush, but that's not the end of the world and I'm pretty tolerable to human waste. It doesn't bother me that much, but I don't remember anything that was particularly disgusting. I wish I had some crazy
story. No, it's better off digested like fig bars or. So I don't know, like some random crap. Crap. Uh, yeah. >> Speaker B: Hey, no, you're better off for it. I have a friend who's a janitor at our high school, and he's like, dude, honestly, I haven't seen anything crazy. And I was like, dude, bless you. Be thankful. That's good. Um, I have a hunch if you want to just be like, hey, I'm not answering that. I'm going to dig myself a hole if I do.
But were the girls rooms a little bit worse than the guys rooms? >> Speaker A: You're talking about the bathrooms? >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Um, I don't think so. >> Speaker B: Oh, really? >> Speaker A: It was comparable. I don't quite remember, to be honest. That was a while ago. Yeah, but I guess you didn't clean girls bathrooms. >> Speaker B: Our facility did the gender nonconforming bathrooms there towards the end.
>> Speaker A: Okay. >> Speaker B: Everybody was doing their business where everybody else was doing it. >> Speaker A: Uh, got it. >> Speaker B: But, yeah, girls create a particular type of mess that I would have to clean up. That was just like, man. >> Speaker A: Uh, okay. Yes, there was. It brings back memories. Yeah. You don't usually see different colors. >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker A: Maybe that's a good way of putting it. Yeah. Where it's
like, I, uh, don't know. The first time I saw it, I'm like, what happened? Okay. Yeah. Got it. They didn't put it in the special little trash can. >> Speaker B: Yes. Dang. >> Speaker A: Yeah. Change a lot of those sanitary, like the little mini ones? >> Speaker B: Yeah. Those are a blessing and a curse because they get weird pretty quick. Um, and it's nobody's fault, but they just do, um. >> Speaker A: Man, lots of
tampons on the ground and stuff like that. Or like the tampon cases, the plastic, the blasters. The blasters, yeah, they look like someone's, um, shooting up drugs or something. Like they're little cats. >> Speaker B: Yeah. I always think of it, it's like those little kid, like, air rockets where you squish the end and it shoots the rocket off the end, but instead it's not a rocket. >> Speaker A: No. >> Speaker B: Or it is. And however you want to look at it. Uh, yeah, there's
probably. Let's, um, be honest. No. Girls, listen to this. So if there was, there would be like, these guys have never interacted with these in a way that's actually real. Uh, which is better? Um, yeah. So you're working trails. What are you doing with that? I was trying to get a gauge for it when we were, like, chatting. But are you clearing trails or establishing new trails? I was trying to look up the job description, and I couldn't get a feel for it.
>> Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, all the above. You hit on some of the things we do. So sometimes, like post fire, a, uh, forest burns. There'll be a lot of standing timber that's charred and maybe half alive. But that means the roots are compromised or they're just really weak. And so you get a lot of logs down. So we've had to deal a lot with that. In Arizona, there's been, like, a lot of fires over the last ten years. So a lot of trees are coming down over the trail.
It might be like, in a really bad section, you have like a mile of trail and there's like, I don't know, like 30, 40 trees down over it. Wow. So you have to clear the. That's like, kind of the minimum you're going to do. Like, you don't want logs on the trail, especially like a giant tree. But then
if there's logs off the trail, there could be other things. Like maybe a portion of the trail goes along kind of the edge of a cliff or a bank, and it's eroded away so that you'd have to scramble uphill in order to get around in order to get to the other side of the trail. So then we would build, like, some sort of retaining wall or reroute the trail. And, uh, that's another thing. Sometimes we just do full reroutes where for 400 meters, you just have to build completely
new tread. They call it just the surface of the trail. And you go some routes, and so just figuring out where it's the best place to put it and considering drainage and where the water is going to come through and all that sort of thing. >> Speaker B: That's crazy. I know you probably gave me a pretty shortened version, but there were so many variables in there. It's just like, oh, my gosh. Wow.
>> Speaker A: Uh, I don't really know what I'm. I've only done this for three months, and I have volunteered before doing trails, but I didn't really learn a whole lot. I just kind of helped out. But there's a lot to it and there's a lot of people. Well, not a lot of people. There are people doing less good trail work. And my trail crew leader be like, oh, they messed up here. They shouldn't have done this. Why do they route it this way? >> Speaker B: Wow.
>> Speaker A: Yeah, there's a lot to it and there's a lot to learn. It's a very physical job, though. It's pretty exhausting. >> Speaker B: Yeah, I imagine. Um, and so while you're out there, are you just like, camping for multiple days? Because otherwise are, uh, you coming back in every night? How's that work? >> Speaker A: So, for the most part, we're camping out of a car. We're car camping. So, like, intense. But, like, just driving up to a campsite or some sort of forest
service site. Yeah. So I sleep in a tent more than I sleep at, uh, my apartment because I'm out for eight days and back for six. If the trail is or where we're doing work is so remote that it wouldn't make sense to hike in each day to do the work. Then we'll camp out right near the job site because you don't want to be spending 3 hours hiking in just a couple of hours of work and then having to hike back. So sometimes we'll just live out of a backpack, essentially.
Backpacking. >> Speaker B: Dang, man. >> Speaker A: Yeah, dude. It's been mainly just car camping so far, but again, I've only been here three months, so I'm not exactly sure. I think it's, for the most part, car camping is kind of the norm for trail work. >> Speaker B: Yeah, dude, um, I'm going to beat the nail on the head. Uh, so you shared that. While you're out on these trail crews, uh, you've had ample opportunity to use bush, uh, and to do your business in
nature. So feel, uh, free to give all of us just some Sam bagenstas pro tips of, uh, pro tips. Going, going, um, to. In the bush. >> Speaker A: Yeah. I think the first thing is after you've been going to the bathroom outside for a while and after you've known your crew, you start going closer and closer to where they are. Like, the first time, you're, like, hiking a mile away, you're just getting so far away so that no one could possibly
hear or see you. Um, but pretty soon, it's like, if I'm going to be pooping multiple times a day in the outdoors, and especially if it's in a remote trail, there are times we'll be pooping, like, literally, like, a couple of feet off the trail. I've done it. If there's no one there, the trail is so terrible that no one's coming out there. It's been closed for years. So poop as close as you can because you don't want to make any more trouble for yourself than you have to.
>> Speaker B: Right. >> Speaker A: So, uh, poop nearby. Let's see. Don't wear your bright orange hard hat. You're on the trail crew. The first couple of times, I'm like, oh, I'm really well hidden. And I realized I'm, uh, wearing this bright orange hard hat. They can see me through the woods, even if I'm, like, 500 yards away. >> Speaker B: Squatting and looking around. I wonder if anybody can see.
>> Speaker A: Yeah. The nice thing about doing trail work and pooping is that you have excellent tools available to you. You dig a really good cat hole. So you have these things called pickmatics or pulaskis that have just, like, a really nice pick at the end and, like, a matic type, like, ho type thing on the other side. Okay. You can dig, like, an eight inch deep cat hole in, like, I don't know, 20
seconds. Wow. Because I don't know if you've ever tried to dig a hole to stick or your shoe. No. And you end up just basically doing the thing from up, uh, where you poop first and you cover it up and make a little mound. So if you have a good tool, it just makes it so much easier. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Dang. >> Speaker A: Let's see. How much have you pooped outside?
>> Speaker B: Uh, when I was growing up, my dad and I and my uncles would go hunting, and so, um, you'd hang it over a log every now and then and just kind of, like, hold on and let it fly. >> Speaker A: Uh, yeah. >> Speaker B: And then, uh, I've gone in necessity, if I'm out and about. I think the last time was probably four years ago. Uh, and I was hiking, and you just trundle up into the woods a little ways and go, um, you're not doing it regulation, then, but here we are.
>> Speaker A: Right. >> Speaker B: But, yeah, no, uh, I don't go out of my way to do it, but I'm cool with it. I like the idea of it. >> Speaker A: Do you like the experience, like, pooping outside? >> Speaker B: Um, I'm going to go with the honest answer and say I don't really, uh. And part of it is because I think it's anxiety about, should I be doing it here? Um, and then there's also, just, like, this isn't how things normally go.
I've got a coddled bottom where it's just like, I'm so used to coming in contact with porcelain to where now the act of doing that just kind of puts my mental state in a. Okay, now it's time to flush it out. >> Speaker A: Uh, yeah. >> Speaker B: I think I have to hype myself up a lot more when I'm in the woods. I think even on, like, porta potty situations, I have to get kind of hyped. I would rather poop over a log than in a porta potty half the time, though.
>> Speaker A: Oh, 100% porta potties. Are just disgusting box. And they just heat up filled with turds. So part of the reason I asked is I was just curious what sort of things you use to wipe with outside because everyone's got their own different material. They use, like, I do carry toilet paper, and I usually, uh, use toilet paper, but I'm also just always looking for good material when I'm just hiking around, working and
thinking, if I had to go, what would I use? And in Arizona, everything is prickly and hard and dry. You live in the Pacific Northwest where everything's toilet paper all around you. You can just pick a branch off a tree. It's going to be pretty soft here. You're going to get a thorn up your butt. >> Speaker B: It's a cactus. Oh, man. Um, this is probably like, man, we're going to the dark zone. So, um, on the show a long time ago, I talked about how the
ancient Romans or somebody or. No, it was like ancient native american cultures and stuff. They would use like a spent corn cob. Uh, uh. And you just kind of get back there with the spent corn cob. And it's biodegradable. Um, but I would think any sort of orange peel, I feel like that's got to be a, um, strong pick. It's got a little bit of a flexibility to it, but an orange
peel. Yeah, I think, see, if I am up against the wall and I don't have paper, I'm either just going to do a leaves and finger and just kind of like, wash that off later or I'm going to reach for some sort of fruit rind or. I don't know, man. Uh, yeah, no, but yeah, a fruit rind of some sort is like the top of my head answer there. Um, but honestly, yeah, you're right. Like, you're in the desert. Um, it's tough.
>> Speaker A: Yeah. I usually try to look for young plants. So, like a really young fern that's just popped up, it can be really soft, but then sometimes you have, like, little particles of the plant coming off as you're wiping. Uh, and it's just like if you had a giant pile of shredded toilet paper, that's not ideal. That's kind of what it's like. You just have, like, a giant pile of soft, but you start to get more, uh, less picky
as you poop outside. More. At least I have found that personally, and I have coworkers that would find with using a rock, like a smooth stone, or they use like, a pine branch. Like one person just uses. It doesn't have to be a young pine branch, and you just kind of do it the right way. You don't want the needles going with the grain. Go with the grain. And I imagine that works pretty well. And I'll probably the only thing with pine is that it gets really sappy, so that could be
bad. You got to be careful. There's no SAP on it. But the stones, I hear those are quite nice. You get a nice, smooth stone, but it also depends on the individual, uh, butthole, I guess, because some people have, like, an Andy Dwyer, like, marker situation. Parks and rec, where it's just a rock's not going to do it. You're going to coat that whole thing, and you're still coming out. >> Speaker B: Yeah. You're going to need the full five smooth stones to get that job done.
>> Speaker A: Exactly. You need a whole pile. >> Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. >> Speaker A: Ah. >> Speaker B: Yeah, the dude that's on the pine branch situation. Um, that is something else, right? Yeah. >> Speaker A: Uh, it fascinates me how some people are a lot quicker, a lot slower than others, because some people will be gone for, like, 20 minutes, and other people, it's just, like, in and
out type situation. This isn't just outside, but some people are so quick, they just drop their log and then they're back. But other people are like an experience, I guess. I don't know. >> Speaker B: Right. Wow. The Pine branch has got me, dude. Um, I don't know if I could do that. I'm sure it's probably not as bad as I think, but, man, I think there would be a barrier there for me.
>> Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, some people, when they backpack, they use leaves or rocks or something for the bulk of it, and then they kind of polish with a little bit of toilet paper, like a square. >> Speaker B: Okay. I like the idea. Uh, polish. Yeah. >> Speaker A: And some people are a little bit more, uh, finicky about leaving, essentially, trash in the woods. Toilet paper. It's called toilet paper
gardens. You come back later to a certain spot, and there's toilet paper everywhere. >> Speaker B: Right. >> Speaker A: That's kind of not nice. >> Speaker B: Uh, wow. >> Speaker A: You'd think it would biodegrade really easily, but it doesn't. >> Speaker B: Yeah, well, that's just it. It doesn't break down. They've got to put something in it that makes it pulpy or something. I don't know. Yeah, it's something else. >> Speaker A: Um.
>> Speaker B: I'm lost for words on that pine branch. I don't know why I'm stuck on that. Uh, hey, good for him. >> Speaker A: More power to him. He's a champ. >> Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Um, well, hey, so, Sam uh, do you have any other. Just wild stories that you want to share? >> Speaker A: Uh, pooping stories? Yeah. >> Speaker B: Or just like, bathroom stories in general?
>> Speaker A: Uh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I have, like, an embarrassing one from when I was younger. >> Speaker B: Hey. >> Speaker A: So when I was younger, I was the baby of the family until I was like, nine. And then my younger brother came along. Surprise. And he was born. But before that, I was the youngest. We were all separated by, like a year and a half or so. Four of us, four of us older kids. And for whatever reason, it took me a long time
to learn how to wipe. It just wasn't an easy process for me. And being home schooled at home all the time, and then being the youngest and not quite knowing when I was saying something embarrassing, I would say things at home that when you're out in public, it's not okay to say, or it's embarrassing. So one of the things I would say, instead of, like, so I would be going poop, and I was one of those kids that would just be on the toilet forever.
I was like a big daydreamer. It would take me a long time to poop. My mom wouldn't know to wipe me until I told her. And so every time I finished pooping, which could be like a half hour, I would shout out, I need wiping. And, like, at home, whatever. No one really cares. They're just used to that. And then. So I just didn't know that that would be an embarrassing thing to say. Didn't think it
through. The one time was over at a family friend's house, and I was in the bathroom just having a great time, pooping, daydreaming, just doing my normal stuff, right? And my mom wasn't coming, which was normal, so I just shouted, I, uh, need wiping. And I just hear this laughter immediately from everyone who was there. Like my family, like my friends and my friends parents and whoever else is there, they were just laughing and laughing.
And that just dawned on me. Like, this is such a stupid thing to say in front of all these other people. And from then on, I never said that. I never shouted that again, even when at home. It was just like, so embarrassing. But then my mom hadn't gotten used, and I was still pretty young, so I still didn't know how to wipe. And so my mom had gotten used to me shouting it. And then fast forward, like, I don't know, six months or something, I'm at my grandma's house and I'm in this bathroom, and,
ah, this isn't just family, friends. Now we have all these relatives in this house, and I'm pooping, and I'm done. And I don't want to shout out, I need wiping, because I realize the negative social things that will happen then. So I'm just waiting, just hoping, come on, mom. Come wipe me. I don't even know if I even. >> Speaker B: Told her I was pooping. >> Speaker A: And so I was just in there for so long, and
I just started crying. Um, and I think eventually my mom came and found me, and it was just so embarrassing. And I think that's probably when I learned how to wipe. I'm like, this can't happen. I just need to know how to do this. Isn't like it's that. I mean, it is kind of difficult when you're young and your motor functions are kind of bad. >> Speaker B: Tough dude, with our kids, our son's old enough now where we're trying to, like, he still does
that. Where it's like, dad. But, hey, you're fixing to go to school, dude. You got to try to figure this out. >> Speaker A: I have so many stories of having to wipe kids butts in school. Probably the stories I can't tell. But just, like, I have dealt with so much human poop while a teacher, when you sub as a kindergarten teacher, as a first grade teacher, and then special ed, it's just poop all the time, pee all the time. >> Speaker B: You are wiping a lot.
>> Speaker A: And the boys don't care. The boys will be like. They'll shout in the bathroom if there's a situation. Unless they're, like, super shy. But it's not until they're, like, six or seven, they get really self conscious. The most kindergartners are just like, whatever. But the girls, they won't say that there's a problem, and they get really
embarrassed and they feel so, I mean, then I can't deal with it. And then I'm having to have to get an instructional assistant or call the office or something like that. Because what am I going to do if a girl poops her pants? I guess I could just tell her to go change it, but she probably can't even do that right. >> Speaker B: Man, that's tough. I'm very glad that I work with high school students. Um, there's a lot. >> Speaker A: For the most part, they got it down.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Every now and then you see one doing a funny little walk, and it's like, hey, bud, you good? Do you need to. Let's go take a walk down to the clothes closet. I think you know what to do. >> Speaker A: Um, uh, the saggy walk. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: It's a telltale sign. >> Speaker B: Yeah, dude, I saw one, like, the saggy walk started, and it came right out the pant leg. >> Speaker A: We're not stopping.
>> Speaker B: We're just moving. If we stop to go back for it, everyone's going to know that you did that. >> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. >> Speaker B: Yeah, it's something else. Uh, wow. Hey, but I feel like what you went through is pretty normal. I feel like that's typical little kid stuff. >> Speaker A: I hadn't thought about that for years, and then when I learned when I was going to come on here, I was just thinking about poop
stories. I'm like, oh, yeah. I just remember just that being so embarrassing for so long. And I was so introverted, too, and so shy. It's like, yeah, I would rather cry in the bathroom for 2 hours than have anyone know that I need wiping. >> Speaker B: Dang, man. >> Speaker A: I know. Force sam just sitting by the shelf on the toilet. >> Speaker B: Yeah. And then there's me. Just like, I pooped. >> Speaker A: It just came back to me. It's my aunt. I don't
think I locked the door or something. My aunt came in and found me crying on the toilet. That's what happened. Yeah, that was rough. >> Speaker B: Wow. That is tough, dude. Man, I don't even know. I know it's like, a long time ago, but that's, uh, a thing. I don't know. I think little kids go through that a lot is hard, dude. >> Speaker A: Yeah. They got a lot to figure out.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. It's probably pretty great having most of your stuff paid for for you, but other than that, it seems like it's generally undesirable, uh, to be a kid. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I'd go back. >> Speaker B: Well, hey, I have some questions that I ask everybody, and feel free if it comes up and you're just like, nah, ain't doing that one. Pass. Hard pass. But I feel like they're pretty safe.
>> Speaker A: I'm a pretty open book. The only reason I would never talk about something, generally speaking, is to protect other people. That's really the only reason I will talk about pretty much anything. >> Speaker B: Yeah. So you talked about your toilet papering situations when you're on the trail or trail crew. Um, but there in the riffle. Casa de riffle. Um, what type of toilet paper are you guys rocking? Were. If you, Sam, are choosing the
toilet paper, what are you picking? What are you going for? >> Speaker A: I'm just looking at what toilet paper we even have right now. >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker A: I'm not like, a toilet paper connoisseur. This appears to be, like, two ply. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: Um, acceptable. On the trail, I use one ply. Yeah, we have angel soft here. Mega roll. Is that good? I don't know if that's good. >> Speaker B: That's thick. That's a thick roll.
>> Speaker A: Um. >> Speaker B: The trail comment just prompted my brain. Have you ever seen the trick where you poke your finger through the toilet paper and then you dig the brown out with the finger, and then you just kind of reverse sandwich the paper over your finger and just remove all of it with, like, one or two squares? >> Speaker A: Where'd you hear that? >> Speaker B: Um, my buddy, who is in
the military. So word gets out that I like bathrooms too much, and then everybody just has like, hey, have you ever done this? And I'm like, under what context would I scream my index finger down my butthole to do that? He's like, well, when you need to. And I'm like, well, uh, no. Yeah, that's one.
>> Speaker A: That's super funny, because we were just having a conversation about pooping on the trail crew, and that thing that you just said is apparently something like, uh, uh, initiation thing or a prank thing that really, uh, trail crews that they'll do sometimes. M in conservation course. So I get paid, like, a full
time employee. Most people that are on trail cruise are pretty young or in college or just out of college, and they're getting paid stipends, and, uh, you just get paid, like, nothing to do trail work, but you get, like, experience. How most people get into it is through the conservation corps, but apparently that's, like, something that you can tell people. Yeah, you can mess with someone. I don't know. Isn't that kind of funny?
>> Speaker B: Maybe my homie is messing with me is really what we're learning. Hey, you should try this. >> Speaker A: I don't think anyone actually does that. If you have a square of toilet paper, I feel like it's just a better use of it to just use. >> Speaker B: The square right now that I'm thinking through it. As usual, Sam, you're making more sense than the world around you. When you have access to your paper, are you a folder, or are you a crumpler?
>> Speaker A: Oh, I fold for sure. I'm a folder. Do you fold? >> Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. It's just a sign of an orderly mind. >> Speaker A: Exactly. I usually try to do three squares, too, my dude. >> Speaker B: I'm on record. Like, three squares, four to five if it's wet. If you've got a particular swamp going on, you got to maybe get, like, one or two extra squares. But, yeah, three squares. It should be able to get it done. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I agree.
>> Speaker B: Um, are you a bar soap or a liquid soap lad? >> Speaker A: Oh. Ah. Liquid soap. Bar soap is just. I don't know how you do it. You like, wipe your hand on it once, and then you get a tiny bit of soap and then, uh. I don't get it. Are you supposed to get it wet and then just coat your hand in it? Are you supposed to take the bar of soap and, uh, put it on your body? >> Speaker B: If you don't have a rag, you have to just go straight
to the body with the soap. Uh, but if you have a rag, I think you nest the soap in the rag. I don't know. >> Speaker A: I've grabbed the soap before, but I only ever grab a bar of soap when I'm at someone else's house and it's like, has this touched my friend's mom's butt? I don't want to put that on my body. >> Speaker B: Or other things. >> Speaker A: Or other things. And then if you grab the soap, like when soap gets wet, it gets slippery and so you're going to
drop it too? Yeah, I don't know. Liquid soap. I'll do honey body wash or whatever. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: Old spice. Usually get the old spice body wash. That stuff's good, too. >> Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Um, how do you, Sam, how do you feel about baths? >> Speaker A: Baths? Um, I don't usually take baths now and then. If I'm really sick and feverish, it feels really good to pour a hot bath. Pour a bath? >> Speaker B: Yeah.
>> Speaker A: Do you get a bath going? Yeah. So just fill in the tub water. I'm just describing a bath is what I'm doing right now. You fill it up with hot water, then you get in the water, and then it's different than a shower because you're just sitting in the water and that's pretty nice. >> Speaker B: Yeah. There's a body fill thing that I have to get past for baths. >> Speaker A: That's a good point.
>> Speaker B: But I guess if you're sick, I could see where you could get past it a lot quicker. It's like, this is helping me not feel terrible. >> Speaker A: Uh, yes, that is true. I will also say, and I will not get in particular to go any farther in this. Baths are not romantic. They're just absolutely not. And it's just too many people in a tub. A tub is not very big, romantic baths. I would pour a bath for someone. Put some bubble bath in here.
Sure. I'll bring you a glass of wine, but you can stay in there by yourself. Yes. >> Speaker B: Allow me to make this awesome for you. >> Speaker A: Um. >> Speaker B: Sam, it's so weird. I had that exact conversation too frequently, like, within hours of right now. Um, and it's just me trying to explain, like, this is just not it. This is not feasible. >> Speaker A: Um, no, the mechanics of it don't work out very well. >> Speaker B: Yes, 100%. Um, I could
not agree more. And you're right, we should just leave it right there. Um, do you have any bathroom pet peeves? Like, stuff that people do in the bathroom that's just like. And I know you were an ra. And even if it's like, from back in those dorm days, like, things people do in the bathroom that are just like, can you stop? >> Speaker A: Mhm. >> Speaker B: We need to be better. >> Speaker A: I mean, the things that come to mind are just like the normal ones.
If you're going to really stink it up, then turn on the fan. I would rather you just turn on the fan and just kind of let it naturally go away than to spray a spray. Sometimes I can make a terrible poop free thing that's worse than just smelling someone else's poop. I would rather smell that than some artificial rose smell on top of it. >> Speaker B: Right. >> Speaker A: I know some people flush multiple times as they're going, and that's supposed to help with
it. Some people don't even like smelling their own poop, and so they poop once, and I was just talking about this. Some female coworkers of people that poop and flush poop because they don't want this aroma going on and they don't even like their own aroma, which I feel like a lot of people don't mind the scent of their own. >> Speaker B: Yeah, I think our brains are wired to be okay with our own thing. It's like, yes, that's me. I did that.
>> Speaker A: Just turn the fan on? I guess that's it. >> Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. So as far as fast food or not fast food, it can be sit in. But if and when you eat out, have you had a chance to figure out what is just fouling you up the worst? Who does you the dirtiest? >> Speaker A: You're thinking particular restaurants or food, or. >> Speaker B: Even you could even get as focused in as like, this item from this place is, uh, the end zone.
>> Speaker A: Well, I know a lot of people talk about fast food. Mexican taco bell taco time. It's kind of a big, like, people make jokes about that all the time. I just don't really eat that very often. But, uh, I think the thing that, uh, gets to me the most is spicy food. So I like spicy food, but I also think I like spicy food more than I like spicy food. And if I'm going to a chicken wing place and they've got hot wings, and then they've got super hot wings,
and then they got obliterate your butthole hot wings. And then they got sign a medical release form hot wings. I have to pick the medical release form one, because it's like, I want to try the hottest thing they have. It depends on the place. Some places are legitimately like, this is terrible. Some are like, oh, this is good. I'm glad I got the hottest thing. But regardless, if it's hot, it makes me want to vomit in the next day. I've just got diarrhea and just fire
butthole and all those things. Yeah, but I do like it. And I was reading an article about how it actually releases dopamine. You get to a certain point, you get like an actual high from hot foods. And so there's like a reason people who addicted hot foods, they like it because it's like doing something chemically while at the same time, uh, and there's certain foods you eat that I eat. And I know instantly, oh, this is going to be trouble. >> Speaker B: The chicken wing dread.
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. >> Speaker B: Wow. Hey, he's a heat seeker. Um, so when we were at Corbin, do you remember Matt Gibson? >> Speaker A: Gibby? >> Speaker B: Uh, he was a soccer guy. >> Speaker A: He have orange hair or do you have blonde hair? >> Speaker B: Yeah, like kind of strawberry. Ah, blonde. >> Speaker A: Like, I'm serious. But he did the golf ball. Trick shots is always off. Yeah. >> Speaker B: Shirts off, tarps off, boys.
Yeah. Um, so Gibby, he introduced us to the dark shower. And have you ever taken a dark shower? Um, and if so, what was your experience with it? >> Speaker A: I just love that it's called the dark shower. It's like some sort of shower, forbidden thing. Um, I mean, I've definitely done it when the power is off. Like, there's still hot water in your hot water tank, but you have no power. And so I think that's
good. But then when you get to the point where all your hot water is gone and you're taking a dark shower with cold water, and you know, as soon as you get out of the shower, it's still going to be cold, and then you have to go across the other side of the house to get your clothes, it's just too much of a bad thing at that point. Dark shower, hot water, kind of nice. You start adding in these other variables that, for me have come along with a dark shower.
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I'm regularly, like, if I'm showering in the morning, it's usually like four to 430. And, um, I'm trying to just keep the light down in the house because I'm not waking toddlers up. It's just not going to happen. I've just begun to take the dark shower out of necessity, and I love it. It's like Gavin Lau, he described it as like, you're being birthed into your day. It's that, ah. Slow. Ease into the light. >> Speaker A: Uh.
>> Speaker B: He'S a poet, if anything. Uh. Um, yeah. Have you ever eaten or do you drink anything while in the shower? >> Speaker A: I don't know. That sounds so nice. If you were to ask if I eat anything on the toilet, 100% yes. >> Speaker B: What are you eating on the toilet? >> Speaker A: Have you ever eaten anything on the toilet first? >> Speaker B: Absolutely. >> Speaker A: Okay. I'm glad I'm in good company. Um,
I don't know, like snacks do. Like, I'm not going to eat a salad on the toilet, like something salty or fatty, like a bag of chips or maybe, like, maybe ICE cream or chocolate bar. Just something good. >> Speaker B: The optics on a chocolate bar might be a little freaky, but, like, uh. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I've done a chocolate bar specifically, we're like a Snickers bar. That's worse.
>> Speaker B: See, I like the idea of somebody walking in on that, and it's just like, what are you doing? Uh, what is that? >> Speaker A: Speaking of a Snickers bar, my coworkers played a prank on me recently. They call them hitches when you're off on these different projects. So we were on hitch. We got to stay at a forest service building because that's like a luxury. We're sleeping on cots and we have a kitchen and a TV. And I go in when it's dark.
We usually go to bed pretty early because we work ten hour days. It's really exhausting. So I went to bed kind of late. It was like close to nine or something, maybe. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: And I usually listen to music before I go to bed and listen to music. And I probably listen for like a half hour, maybe 45 minutes. And then I have bluetooth, um, earbuds. And so my phone's just sitting in my bed somewhere. So I'm feeling around to see where my phone
is. And then my hand goes on this thing and it's like this sticky log thing, like a turd. And it's dark in the room. And I fumble over to the lamp and I turn on the lamp and there's like, this brown, sticky log. And I've been lying next to it for, like, 45 minutes listening to chance the rapper while there's this log next to me and I've already grabbed it. So I'm like, I pick it up and I sniff it and it's kind of sweet, like,
oh, okay, well, this isn't. I don't think it's poop, but maybe there's all sorts of thoughts going through my head. I'm like, did I poop in my sleep the other night? And I like, perfect log on my bed. I just grab it and I put in the floor. >> Speaker B: Smells good. >> Speaker A: I was like, what the. Apparently they were waiting and, ah, they knew I went to the room to sleep and just like, at my own room, and then they hear nothing and then I don't say anything. The next morning,
I just forgot about it. But it was just like a bar that they had molded into a log. I've never grabbed it. I don't know, it was disconcerting. Yeah. Did not like that. >> Speaker B: Wow. Dang. Um, yeah, that's wild. Um, if not, would you ever perform a waffle stomp? Do you know what a waffle stomp is? It's fine if you don't. It's better if you don't. >> Speaker A: I don't know what it is.
>> Speaker B: Perfect. So a waffle stomp is when you just defecate into the bottom of the shower while you're showering, and then you just kind of river dance it to where it washes itself down. Uh, and it's called a waffle stomp because some of those showers have the waffle grate. Stomp it through the grate. >> Speaker A: I have never pooped in the shower. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: That I can remember. >> Speaker B: Perfect.
>> Speaker A: If the toilet is right there, I think I would just go out to the toilet. Then I get back in the shower. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Are you drying off at all? Is it just wet? >> Speaker A: I might just sit wet. That's not bad. I've done that many times. Have you ever gone straight from the shower to the toilet and just like, uh, whatever. >> Speaker B: I usually dry my legs and my butt off
just because it's a little slippery. Um, that's true, but I'm not opposed to anybody doing. Yeah, I think what you do is the logical thing. Now, there's this sub class, I'm going to say class because that has to be what it is, who are like, pooping and catching it, and then they try to skeet it into the toilet like some sort of basketball shot. And it's just like, just get out of the shower. >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker B: I'm stomping it before I'm tossing it.
>> Speaker A: Um, this might be. I don't know. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but is there like a. I really like Austin Kent's story. That one was really. I just. His voice is just like a big goober. He was great. But where am I going with this? Oh, it seems like you stay in pretty safe territory. Do you ever do research on something? Is there, like, a culture on the Internet where it's like, poop stuff? You're like, that's too far. I don't want to read about this
anymore. I feel like there's got to be stuff you just don't touch because it's. >> Speaker B: Like, yeah, um, I have, uh, a notes page open in my phone, and there's safe topics. Um, and then there's ones that are on the weird part of this list where it's like, I don't even know if I could talk about that. Um, but, yeah, there's definitely, like a weird, dark underbelly of. Yeah. When you just start researching just anything related to do with pooping, it gets pretty wild.
Um, and it exists. Um, and I know that it exists, and it's one of those things where it's like, one day probably won't, but I'm waiting for the day where, uh, uh, you and I are chatting, and I have somebody on the show, and they just drop the bomb where it's like, hey, have you ever heard of this? And it's one of those freaky things that's sitting on that list. >> Speaker A: Yes. >> Speaker B: And I'm just going like, yes, I have. Uh, and it's not going to be a proud moment.
>> Speaker A: Uh. >> Speaker B: No, there's definitely some randy stuff out there. >> Speaker A: Yeah, sorry, this is probably getting off topic. Do you generally not swear? Do you have some parameters? >> Speaker B: I don't. Um, Austin was my first, uh, episode labeled explicit. Um, wasn't even. He didn't really even go off that
much. Uh, but I don't give people parameters because I just like, I have a buddy, he's going to be on the show and he's going to drop the bombs and sitting over here like, well, are we going to deconstruct our Sunday school? Um, I'm fine with it. I'll kind of read the room, and if the person seems like, yeah, this doesn't bother me, I'm cool with it. There's nothing anybody's going to say that's going to bother me. Um. >> Speaker A: I was just curious.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, but then I'm also, like, working at a church. I've got students, and more importantly, students, parents who listen, and it's like, hey, uh, first, I mean, you clicked on a podcast about taking a Poop. I'm running out of euphemisms for it. >> Speaker A: M. You know, Pewdiepie. >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker A: He released a game. This is, like, three or four years ago. Do you remember this?
>> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: It was called, like, the kingdom of Poopy or something. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: And it was like, an arcade style thing. It might have been, like, a platform, I don't even know, but it was, like, kind of a dumb little game. It was called, like, the kingdom of Poopy pee or poopoo peepee. I think pewdiepie, itunes deleted it, or whoever, apple games or whatever service it was on. They said they deleted it because it was too explicit.
I just thought that was absurd because it's just, like, poop humor the whole time. And they have other games that have all sorts of sexual things, and that's okay, but then you can't have a kingdom of poopoo peepee. Is that coming up with anything? Are you searching that? >> Speaker B: I'm not right now, but, uh, yeah, I tossed it in my notes app. That's going to be a deep dive later, for sure. Yeah, that's
absurd. We all poop. And the fun thing was, like, unless you mark, uh, an episode as explicit, if it contains the word butt or anything that is right on the edge of crap, it, uh, censors it. It just puts a c with two dashes, and it's like, can we. Come on, there's kids cartoons that have worse stuff than this. Just chill out. >> Speaker A: I have the article up right here. It says the YouTube star released this new mobile game, poop dye, that is revealed. It's only currently available on
Android. Uh, so Apple said it was too disgusting for them. It was due to the crude imagery. >> Speaker B: Interesting. >> Speaker A: I thought that was crazy. >> Speaker B: Well, I'm going to see if I can. Like, I have a fire tablet. I'm going to see if I can get that downloaded. >> Speaker A: Yeah, it might be amazing. >> Speaker B: Do a deep dive on that. Well, shoot. Sam,
I appreciate your time. I know this was a long one, uh, but I think it's just because it's been a minute. >> Speaker A: Yeah, sorry, I just kind of started talking and just didn't stop. >> Speaker B: No, that's the best. I love it. That's exactly what I love. Yeah. Do you have anything, uh, last things to share with folks? Um, before I always tell people when I do the closing, I feel like a dog that's taking a dump in the backyard while people watch. Like, I hate doing the
closing. But how else will they know it's over, right? >> Speaker A: You just got to end it eventually. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Final poop thoughts? Um, maybe it's not even what you asked. Uh, I don't know. Just keep on pooping in the free world, I guess. Yeah, we can still poop in freedom. So that's a great thing. There's been no. Freedom of poop is a pretty big deal. And in the western world, we take it for granted. Yeah, I don't know.
>> Speaker B: They're going to start regulating us here in a little bit. I know it, right? >> Speaker A: Like, length and smell. >> Speaker B: Yeah. If you flush more than twice, we're going to start charging you. >> Speaker A: Uh, you get me going on these low water toilets, that's a disaster waiting to happen. >> Speaker B: It's just bad. >> Speaker A: It's bad. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Agreed.
Well, shoot. Uh, I'm going to close out the show, and then I'll turn the recording off, and we can just yak if you want. Or if you're like, hey, man, I'm tired. That's cool, too, but, yeah. Thank you for being here, Sam. Um, and thank you all for listening, as always. You can reach out to us on social media. We're out there. Privycast. Privycast@gmail.com. Um, we'd like to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of bar room ballet as our intro and outro music. You can find Kevin's
music@incompetent.com. Thanks, Evan. This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for listening. And now, as always, don't forget to flush. You get to hear the fun audio as I move the mic to the back of my toilet. Oh, I don't think I told you. >> Speaker A: Sam, this is recorded.