>> Speaker A: Like, it's the same thing, and it. >> Speaker B: Just fits naturally there. It's curved, just perfect. >> Speaker A: And we have the intro audio sound for the episode. Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded this week from a very special bathroom. Um, it's not my home bathroom, but it is my home away from home bathroom. I don't use this bathroom too often, but I use the facilities at this location quite a
bit. Um, and I am joined in this bathroom by the famous and all around. I mean, he's just a good looking guy. Uh, Michael wall, you're here with me in a bathroom. Uh, how are you? >> Speaker B: I am, yes, I am doing well. Um, I've worked all day, so I'm hot and sweaty and tired. >> Speaker C: Yeah, you are. >> Speaker A: Yes, I am perfect. We are in a bathroom that you may have just cleaned. Question mark. Did you just clean this bathroom? >> Speaker B: No.
>> Speaker A: Dang it. Okay, well, um, in my heart, you just finished cleaning it. Um, and now I'm sitting on the toilet. So, uh, tell me and the folks who may or may not listen to this a little bit about who you are, where you come from, where you spawn from. Uh, yeah. What's your deal, Michael? >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker B: Um, we're at South Albany High School. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: With the Redhawks. Go Redhawks.
>> Speaker B: I have worked for gaps greater Albany public schools for this December will be 24 years. I started out at South Albany for five and a half years. This was December of 1998. I took a job at Calipuya Middle School. Head custodian there almost 15 years. Decided I had had enough, came back to south, and I've been here over a little more than four years. So let's see, almost 24 years with the district. My first job was in the grocery business. I spent ten years in the grocery
business. So that's a total of almost 34 years out of 40 years so far working. >> Speaker A: What were you doing in the grocery business? >> Speaker B: I started out as. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker B: We called them bottle boys. I counted bottles. This was before. They have these machines now. We counted bottles at the time. It was five cents a can. Five cents a bottle. And I counted and we counted a lot faster than those machines currently.
>> Speaker A: Yeah, forget the robots. Uh, yeah, you really got robo takeovered on that one. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: Um, I blame the democrats. >> Speaker B: So, a bottle boy. I don't know what they call the girls. I guess a bottle girl. I don't know. >> Speaker A: Back then they probably still called them bottle boys. >> Speaker C: We. >> Speaker A: My guess, yes. >> Speaker B: And then a box boy. Guess what a box boy
was. A person or a boy who bagged your groceries. So we have, um, grocery baggers. You still have a few. And I'm sure if you requested, somebody could bag your groceries, but someone bagged your groceries back in the. Well, this was the 80s, even prior to that. So bottle boy to box boy. And then I became a cashier. A checker. We called them cashiers. I worked nights. This was before I was married. I threw freight. I could still throw freight. >> Speaker A: What establishment was this?
>> Speaker B: Um, well, this was sentry in Malala. It's now a church. >> Speaker A: Hey, there you go. Um, you closes where a sentry closes, God opens a church. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: A lot like toys r us and spirit Halloween. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker B: And then I went to Safeway in Gladstone, right off, uh, of I 205. It's still there, right in the heart of Gladstone. >> Speaker A: So that's open by Portland? Yes ish.
>> Speaker C: Okay. Yes. >> Speaker B: And I spent a few years there. And then I went to, uh. Well, I was in a Bible. I went to boise Bible College. Just short story, long story short, I. >> Speaker A: Can tell you that some things happened in Bible college. >> Speaker B: Yes. I was one of the older students. I was 26 when I first entered. Got married at 28 in Grangeville, Idaho. Wife and, uh. Wife's from Idaho. Grangeville, elk city. I'm making this a long story.
>> Speaker C: That's good. >> Speaker B: Um, spent a couple of years at eastside christian church as a youth pastor. Actually, like, 27 months. >> Speaker C: Whoa. >> Speaker A: Yeah. That's a considerable amount of time to work with youth. >> Speaker B: So, long story short, I left that, but we stayed at the church. I've been at the church ever since June of 1995.
>> Speaker C: Wow. >> Speaker B: And since December of 98, I've been a custodian for the Albany school district. >> Speaker A: And the church. >> Speaker B: And the church. Uh, I'm acting head custodian, so for the summer, I'm getting the pay as a head custodian. >> Speaker C: Hey. >> Speaker A: There you go. I didn't know that. That's cool. Is that why you're here at this lonesome hour? >> Speaker B: Yes. Come in early and stay late.
>> Speaker A: Uh, how many hours of the day today? Were you just here by yourself? >> Speaker B: Well, I got here at 07:00 a.m., actually, um, Owen went home. Yeah, 330. And I've been alone since then. >> Speaker C: Yeah, there you go. >> Speaker A: If you're like me, that's the way to work, is when no one's around. That's why I go into the church at 05:00 a.m. Usually because it's quieter. Needless to say, the phones don't ring at 05:00 a.m.. M.
Um, yeah. So you've been a janitor for a hot minute. A custodian. Uh, a fecal engineer. I don't know. I was a janitor for a minute. Michael. Not as long of a minute as you have been. Um, do you have any wonder stories from your janitorial years? And remember, he has two janitorial jobs, so no one will ever know where these stories occur. >> Speaker B: So when I was at Calipuya. >> Speaker C: There you go. >> Speaker B: Head custodian. We
had a boy. Because it was in the boys bathroom. He was pooping on the floor. >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker B: Next to the toilet. >> Speaker A: Doggy style, as they say. >> Speaker B: And I don't know, and I just don't want to imagine. And Mr. Hewitt, our then, uh, assistant principal. Wonderful man. He and I were trying to figure it out. We couldn't figure out, well, who and why. We kind of knew the when.
Because it got down to, okay, I was, um, doing a bathroom, um. >> Speaker A: It's like an episode of clue. >> Speaker B: Yeah, doing a bathroom investigation. I just walk in on the bathrooms. Of course, I'm a guy, so I can walk in on the boys bathrooms anytime. So we got down to pretty much the hour it was happening. So Mr. Hewitt would check the cameras and finally found out it was a. Well, this is, uh, middle school. >> Speaker A: A delinquent.
>> Speaker B: Yes. And so the reason, get this, the reason he was pooping on the floor, he didn't like the sound of the toilet. It was an auto flush, which a lot of toilets are now. Yeah, it was an auto flush. He didn't like it. It would flush anytime. That's what auto flushes do. And he didn't like the noise it made and being surprised by that noise, so he pooped on the floor. >> Speaker A: So he opted to just pull a full doggie in the middle
of the bathroom. Yes. >> Speaker B: Um, and I would clean it up, of course, because I worked a day shift. >> Speaker A: Did anybody ever just tell this kid, hey, if you just take a piece of electrical or duct tape and stick it over that sensor while you're doing your job, you're fine. Like it ain't going to spray you? >> Speaker B: I, uh, don't think. Well, I know he wasn't playing with a full deck. >> Speaker A: There you go. And not all of us are. And that's okay.
>> Speaker C: Um. >> Speaker A: You wonder. The person who walked in and first saw just the turd in the middle of the just bathroom. >> Speaker B: Someone has to report it. Another young male student. >> Speaker A: Right. So my thought is, and I work with teenagers, and I know a few of them have told me that they don't like to report things that happen in that setting because they're afraid that
they're going to be suspected as the culprit. Like, well, I don't want to say anything about the bathroom graffiti because then they'll think it was me. And so I'm wondering how many kids passed this loan, like, leaving before it was like, hey, somebody pooped in the middle of the floor. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, I don't know, but I think the schools today, I think they encourage the posters around here, if you see something or somewhere somebody came up with, if you see
something, say something. And the schools encourage. Yeah, speak out. So I think we encourage. You're not going to get in trouble for saying something. We're looking for the student who did that. But you're not going to get in trouble for, uh, speaking out. >> Speaker A: Right. >> Speaker B: And that's a good thing? >> Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So, middle school boy deuces, middle of the bathroom floor, were you on cleanup?
You were on investigation duty, but were you on cleanup duty for that? >> Speaker C: Yes. Okay. >> Speaker A: Did you do trash bag reversed, grab and pull through like a dog turd in the yard? >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker C: Perfect. >> Speaker B: And lots of disposable paper towels, gloves, of course. >> Speaker A: You just make a pile out of it and kind of. >> Speaker B: I just look away. I personally do not have a problem. I clean up blood,
spills, vomit. Um, poop, though, you know, it gags you. You get this gagging reflex. >> Speaker A: Really? For poop? >> Speaker B: For poop, yeah. >> Speaker A: And not vomit or blood. Don't, do you? >> Speaker B: Correct. >> Speaker A: What about urine? >> Speaker B: Oh, no, urine is nothing. >> Speaker A: Really? Because, see, for me, just water. >> Speaker B: See, for me, colored water. >> Speaker A: For me. Yeah, it's just colored water.
Uh, Michael wall. Um, for me, blood is way worse than poo. >> Speaker B: Oh, blood's nothing. Well, I donate blood every 8910 weeks. And you see blood all the time. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I don't see blood that often. I definitely see poop more than blood. Just saying. >> Speaker B: I see leftover poop in the toilet. >> Speaker A: Does the poop still get you 24 years into janitorial service? >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: Really?
>> Speaker B: Not as much. But it still affects you. Still affects me, yeah. >> Speaker A: Surely the turd in the middle of the bathroom floor could not have been the most randy. >> Speaker B: Don't call me Shirley. >> Speaker A: Oh, fair enough. >> Speaker B: Uh, old airplane movie joke. >> Speaker A: Yeah, that, uh, cannot be the worst. Um, Dookie. >> Speaker B: There was same school? >> Speaker C: Yes.
>> Speaker B: Someone reported it. I don't know. It happened over the weekend. Someone reported it Monday morning. It had to be like Monday morning. >> Speaker A: Happened over the weekend. >> Speaker B: Outside the backside of Calipuya middle school. >> Speaker A: There was a poop just on the ground. >> Speaker B: Well, it was homeless or transient person, and they reported it and I had to. Of course. I clean it up. I'm the custodian. I do
all those cleanups. You don't send someone else, you send the custodian. >> Speaker C: Right. >> Speaker B: And I work the day shift, so I cleaned it up. But, yeah, that happened once or maybe twice. And that's it outside. Really? Yeah. It was an infrequent experience. >> Speaker A: You ever have any of them middle school boys just, like, collaborate with each other and fill a toilet bowl? >> Speaker B: Well, I have some full toilet bowls. I don't know how many
boys pooped in it, but, yeah. Uh, the toilets don't flush. The auto flush. The sensor can go bad, but more often it's the battery. It takes a battery, I think. >> Speaker C: Weird. >> Speaker B: Some of these, uh, the urinals take aa and the toilets are c. Um, anyway, the models we had, because I remember changing them out, but if the battery goes dead, the sensor doesn't work. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: They just piles up.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. And I don't know if it's one kid or multiple kids. >> Speaker A: One large child. >> Speaker B: Yes. One very large child. >> Speaker A: Looks like a small elephant pooped in the know. I know. Um, I only say that because, um. So, Michael, I'm going to give you a scenario. Could be totally hypothetical, could be real. Um, you walk into a boys locker room bathroom, and the pile of human turds has
exceeded the. Like, if you're looking at the toilet from the front, the pile of turds has exceeded the top of the bowl. It has risen up out of the bowl. Um. What are you doing on that? >> Speaker B: Well, you hope it's not an auto flush toilet. Um, but yes. So let's say the toilet just flushes. Um, it's struggling to go down. >> Speaker A: That's what. >> Speaker C: Yep. >> Speaker B: Um, it might be plugged, but often not. It isn't. It's just got a huge wad of
TP and poop. And so it's struggling to go down. And I flush it once or twice, and maybe it goes down, maybe it doesn't. So it doesn't go down. So you run and get a toilet plunger. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: And I appreciate that you've called it a toilet plunger because I know you know the difference. >> Speaker B: And, um, what else do you call it? >> Speaker A: Well, they have a sink plunger. >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
>> Speaker A: Like flat bottomed toilet plunger. >> Speaker B: And in the meantime, you, um, pray, have to reach in with your gloved hand. >> Speaker A: There it is. >> Speaker B: And just kind of fish around and loosen things up. The amount of TP is greater than the amount of poop and TP will condense. Yeah, it just condenses in there. And I guess dense. It becomes dense and you have to fish around.
>> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker B: Uh, and if it's not plugged, then it goes, uh. Of course, usually it's not plugged. It's plugged because of the amount of TP. But it's not like plugged. Uh, in the trap. >> Speaker A: In the bend. >> Speaker B: In the bend. And you just reach around and loosen things up. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: You root around in there. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker B: With your gloved hand?
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Uh, maybe with the toilet plunger too. >> Speaker A: You ever go with stick? You ever get the plunger stick end in there and kind of bust it up a little bit? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker B: Uh, I use my hand. You think I use the stick end, but no, I go in. >> Speaker A: You probably have more control with your hands. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: You like to get.
>> Speaker B: And you just wonder. I just wonder in my mind what went on here. Well, was it one? I assume it's always one person because you go in, you close the stall door, and then maybe it's in the gym lobby, uh, bathrooms during a basketball game. So you think, well, maybe it's an adult wonder who did not just who, but why. Who, why? How? Because I'm struggling to get this down. And all things go through your mind. You want the answers, and you will never know the
answers. You will never ever know. There's no cameras in bathrooms. You'll never know. >> Speaker A: Have you ever caught the culprit, though? And, um, by that I mean you come in as somebody's leaving a stall and you go into the stall and that, and you catch it. >> Speaker B: Um. >> Speaker A: Has that ever happened? >> Speaker B: I'm sure it has, but unfortunately it's an adult. Well, even if it's. I'm sure I have. I know I have.
But you don't confront them. And of course, if it's an adult shame. You don't shame them or confront them. Um, you don't? I don't. And you just wonder, how do you manage this? >> Speaker A: Because you're a good guy? >> Speaker B: Yes, because I'm a good guy. If they do this in a public bathroom, they probably do it at home. And it's like, well, they definitely cleans up your mess at home. Your mommy, your wife. There's a lot of unanswered questions out there.
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And I will never know the answer. >> Speaker C: Yeah. Um. >> Speaker A: Have you ever been vomited on during the no. >> Speaker C: Good. >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: I'm glad for you. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: It's a good experience not to have had. Um, well, very good. Michael, uh, is there any non work related bathroom stories that you want
to share? These can be of your own personal life or if you want to subject the members of your family to the horrors, um, you may, and I have the power of editing. If you want to go back and be like, actually that might have been a bad call. Uh, but the power of editing is a great thing. And I tap into it frequently. >> Speaker B: Usually when you go poop, it kind of like comes out in pieces or it curls up. >> Speaker C: Been there. >> Speaker B: I went poop once.
>> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker B: And it was a straight poop. And there was probably eight or nine inches sweet in the bowl. There might have been another two, three or four. You couldn't see. So we're looking at a twelve inch poop. >> Speaker A: Like a full foot. Yeah, it's like a subway sandwich worth of really cool. >> Speaker B: And of course when it flushes it. >> Speaker A: You just straight down like the louge. >> Speaker B: Yeah, it was just cool.
That was my own experience. >> Speaker A: One large straight turd. >> Speaker B: I don't know. Um, I enjoy going poop. >> Speaker A: Same. >> Speaker B: It feels good. After you're done, you have a load and you feel like it's not really, you're losing this much weight, but you feel like, I just lost two or three pounds and I feel great. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And it's like, man, I can go another 6 hours at work or whatever.
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Do you ever save one up for when you need to pick me up in the day? >> Speaker B: Well, I often busy. I'm often busy. And then when you go, you just. >> Speaker C: Go, yeah. >> Speaker B: Um, when I go poop, I just go poop. I'm in there three minutes, I go poop. And I'm flush, and wipe and flush again if I have to. And then you're regular. Wash your hands and get out. >> Speaker A: Is it generally solid for you?
>> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker A: Well, how fortunate for you. >> Speaker B: I have healthy poops. >> Speaker A: How much coffee do you consume on a daily basis? >> Speaker C: Two. >> Speaker B: Three. >> Speaker A: Okay, you had to count, so we're already doing good. >> Speaker B: Three cups. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: Are those like church cups or are those like trucker cups? Do you know what I'm saying?
>> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: Yep, he's got one here. So that's a classic home coffee cup. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker A: And that doesn't soften things up any for. >> Speaker C: Mhm. Man. >> Speaker A: Well, that's fortunate. >> Speaker B: I eat healthy. Kimberly feeds me healthy food. >> Speaker A: She does cook and serve healthy food, I can attest. Um, I ascribe to what is described as a toddler diet. Uh, I
function well on a toddler diet. And so, yeah, like today for lunch, I had leftover chicken wings. >> Speaker B: Sometimes I long for those kind of meals. >> Speaker C: Just go buy it. >> Speaker B: But I went to Burger King last ever. >> Speaker A: Kimberly won't hear this, I'm sure. Do you ever just go sneak a. Ah. Naughty food? >> Speaker B: Um, well, if I do, she buys it. She bought some of those cream filled cookies.
>> Speaker A: No, I'm saying, like, you get off work, it's eleven, you're on your way home m and you swing through that Burger King or taco Bell, drive through real quick rarely. And have yourself a quick cheeseburger on the way. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Rarely destroy the evidence. >> Speaker B: Um, very rarely. Because, well, usually I'm either on my bike or my electric scooter. >> Speaker A: Oh, that is fair. >> Speaker C: Yeah.
>> Speaker B: But very. Not recently. No. Let's put it that way. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Are you still doing the Burger King, like, coffee subscription? >> Speaker B: No, I never subscribed. >> Speaker A: I thought you. Oh, no. >> Speaker B: And for a while I was going to Burger King quite often, but I, uh, backed way off. >> Speaker A: Panera bread has the new greatest scam. I don't know if I told you I read about it. It's a
delicious. I have taken Panera for their money for a month and a half now. It's great. Um, any opportunity I have to really scam chain food chain, I will. Um, any other bathroom, uh, horrors or just good stories? >> Speaker B: So this is when I first got the job. My first five and a half years at south. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: I, um, was working a day shift. I've worked a day shift often because to cover for the head custodian. I worked a lot of day
shift, even though I'm swing shift now. Or was, um, I get called to cover for head custodians. So this was a day shift. And I walk into the bathroom. >> Speaker C: Boy. >> Speaker B: These are before they were remodeled. So it was brick. What building was that? Building one. So we're talking like foot thick brick walls between the bathroom stalls. And there were no doors. They had removed the doors because at the time they were having problems. So they just took the
doors off. There were no doors. And I walk in, I'm doing bathroom. So a, uh, day shift, you inspect bathrooms. Of course. Again, I can inspect the boys bathrooms at any time and do frequent bathroom inspections. And I walk into this toilet in the boys bathroom, building one. And there's a huge poop in the toilet. And it was not only long, it wasn't as long. It was really wide. >> Speaker A: Girthsome, circumference, diameter like a pop can.
>> Speaker B: And I was flushing the toilet and I still remember this. I must have flushed the toilet at least six times. And finally it went down. >> Speaker A: Six times. >> Speaker B: Yes, because it was super wide. And you keep flushing and the water breaks it up. And it was semi soft. Finally, it goes down. I imagine the boy was super big. >> Speaker A: Well, but here's the thing. Now is not the time. One day, and I think I've told you the story of the
potato. Have I ever told you the potato story? >> Speaker B: I'm not sure. >> Speaker A: Okay, well, when we're done recording, I'm going to tell you this story. But, um, sometimes the people who produce those objects are skinny minis. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: I don't know how. I assume it tears something like when women give birth, there's tearing. Um, except for it's their butthole
that is tearing. But, yeah, sometimes you get one of these rail thin kids that really just grunts one. >> Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. >> Speaker A: It's like a chode shaped. You just. Here we are. Um, a lot of poop. Michael, I know there's urine in your past, but the poop is what brings you trauma. Well, Michael, I have a few questions that I ask, um, everyone. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker A: On the. Oh, I'm. Oh,
I will. And now that you've consented, uh, the first is at your home. What type of toilet paper are y'all using? What do you use? >> Speaker B: Okay, so we have, um, Kirkland signature, of course. In fact, I just pulled a partial roll, put it in the bathroom. So I think we're currently using Kirkland. Um, during the pandemic. >> Speaker A: Yes, the dark ages. >> Speaker B: Yeah, I went to Fred Meyer. I either went to the store, had it brought out
to me, but I remember. Yeah, well, first of all, I remember there was hardly any TP on the shelf. Uh, we've used northern. >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, quilted northern. >> Speaker B: And I thought about this. Who would ever name a toilet paper northern? Where does it come from? What does it mean, northern? >> Speaker A: I have no idea. I assume it comes from the north and it wipes the south. >> Speaker B: It's a good toilet paper. Um, angel, uh, soft, though, I found. I like.
>> Speaker A: Really? >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Now, I might have bought in charmin, I'm not sure, the beautiful bears, but I think it's more expensive than. >> Speaker A: Yeah, you're paying for the bears, so. >> Speaker B: I like the angel soft. >> Speaker A: Really? >> Speaker B: And the northern. So I think those are my. >> Speaker A: Are Angelsoft. The one who have the strange baby as their mascot? >> Speaker C: Yes. Okay.
>> Speaker B: I believe so. >> Speaker A: Interesting. Um, I don't think I've ever used Angelsoft. >> Speaker B: I think it's comparable to Charmin, really? But it's above the Kirkland. >> Speaker A: How dare you? That's the middle class paper of choice. >> Speaker B: And the northern is middle. Yeah. >> Speaker C: Yeah. Okay. >> Speaker A: I like. So, uh, but Angelsoft is your. >> Speaker B: Well, I have choice. Yeah.
Right now we have plenty. We won't buy any for a while, but. Yeah, definitely Angelsoft. But I have on my Amazon saved list. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: And just, I'm curious, is that bamboo stuff? >> Speaker B: Yeah, I haven't bought it yet, but I just want to buy it and try it because I'm always curious about trying different things. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And I'm not like, okay, uh, I'm not like an environmentalist, but I would.
>> Speaker A: Just do it because you're a little bit. >> Speaker B: Because I enjoy doing things differently or buying different things. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And I understand it might be, it's not the softest, but you're getting it from bamboo, which is grows faster than a tree. >> Speaker C: I guess. >> Speaker A: Titus reports is good. He said he used it, um, and that it's kind of thin, but yet durable
somehow. Um, which I don't understand that it's. >> Speaker B: Still on my saved list I haven't purchased. >> Speaker A: See, anything that markets itself on thinness for toilet paper, I'm afraid that I'm just going to hole punch myself and get a finger full of weird. Uh, and you got to tread lightly on that. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: And then, so when you guys put a roll on, the roll out. So it has to fold over the top.
>> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: So why do you believe that's the case? >> Speaker B: Okay, so, um, if you put it in, it either hugs or makes close contact with the wall. Um, and then when you go to grab it, your fingertips are going to grab, might rub the wall. So you're scraping your fingers or fingertips on the wall and also going out. And then going out, it puts it two, three, maybe four inches closer to
you. And that might make a difference depending upon where your roll is located on the wall. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker B: It's just right. The right way. >> Speaker A: Well, you are not the first person to tell me that if it's backwards, it's bad because your fingers will hit the wall. Uh, and to which I said, how aggressively are you going in for this paper that you're hitting your hand on. >> Speaker C: The wall.
>> Speaker B: You'Re grabbing for the paper to wipe your bum. Bum. >> Speaker A: And then the other part is four inches makes the difference. >> Speaker B: Uh, jumbo roll. >> Speaker A: Ah, yeah, I think just lean over. Um, Anna, my wife, she also believes that it needs to go over. >> Speaker B: I heard. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I'm convinced it doesn't matter. >> Speaker B: Uh, well, it may not matter, but that's what we do.
>> Speaker A: Industry standard. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker A: Do you ever get crazy and do the weird, like, hotel bathroom fold? Like, to fold the little corner on the toilet paper? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker C: Fair. Enough. >> Speaker A: I never did as a janitor either. Yeah, literally nobody will notice it. Um, when you wipe, are you folding or crumpling? >> Speaker B: Folding.
>> Speaker A: Folding. Perfect. And is it a fold or are you rolling it like a glove? >> Speaker B: Oh, it's a fold. >> Speaker C: Fold. >> Speaker A: Perfect. The sign of an organized mind. Um, how many squares would you estimate you're using in that fold? >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker B: I use a lot. >> Speaker A: You do? No, Michael. Okay, how much is a lot? >> Speaker B: I never counted. >> Speaker A: Is it more than six?
>> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. >> Speaker B: How does someone use only, like, four or five or six squares? >> Speaker A: So if I'm wiping in my home, unless it's a particularly wet job, um, which happens frequently, I can get by with three on every wipe. >> Speaker C: Wow. >> Speaker A: Uh, and you just kind of have to manage the thing. But if I'm out and about, I
use as much as I need because it ain't mine, I ain't buying it. Um, and it's thin, so you just get a pile of it. Huh? >> Speaker B: Yeah. Doesn't everybody? >> Speaker A: No, I don't. Man, you're really cruising through the paper. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: During the days when you told me the church was switching paper. I'll tell you what, we use quality. >> Speaker B: Angel soft toilet paper at eastside christian church. >> Speaker A: We do now.
>> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: We did not before. >> Speaker B: We did not. >> Speaker A: And when you said that we had the approval to swap over, man, I was making a stack to wipe with. Like, I was using that paper so quick. I was like, yes, just roll a big wad of it and get it back there. >> Speaker C: Cool.
>> Speaker A: Well, you didn't crumple, which is good. Um, it's a scary thought to have crumpled your paper, um, when you in the shower, specifically, are you a bar soap or a liquid soap guy? >> Speaker B: Bar. >> Speaker A: Soap bar. Wow. Are you using irish spring green bars? >> Speaker B: No, I'm using whatever Kimberly bought or made. Whatever. >> Speaker A: Sometimes she makes it, though, doesn't she?
>> Speaker B: Or got from a gift or somebody had too much soap and she ended up with soap. >> Speaker A: Or she went out and rendered fat from an animal and mixed it with ash herself. >> Speaker B: Something like that. >> Speaker A: Tell me she's never done it. >> Speaker B: She's never done it. >> Speaker A: That can't be true. I'm certain Kimberly has made her own soap at some point. >> Speaker B: I'm a bar, so something to grab onto.
>> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: There is a, um, bottle that the liquid comes in, but it's plastic. >> Speaker B: And you just run that bar all over your body. >> Speaker A: Do you go bar straight on skin, or do you put it in, like, a cloth? >> Speaker B: Straight on the skin. >> Speaker C: Really? >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Wow. >> Speaker B: Bar to man. Man to does.
>> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: And feel free to say, hey, stay out of my shower. Um, but do you and kimberly have separate bars? >> Speaker B: Um, no. Um. Oh, my gosh, I don't think so. >> Speaker A: So you're sharing bars? >> Speaker B: Well, she has. Okay. There's like twelve bottles of stuff in our shower. >> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. >> Speaker B: So when. When David and Bethany lived there, um, even after David moved
out, so it was the three of us. There were like 19 bottles of 17 were store bought, and there were two unmarked. So one had vinegar in it and the other had something else in it. So basically 16 or 17 were store bought. >> Speaker A: What are you doing with vinegar in your shower? >> Speaker B: Well, Kimberly is, uh. >> Speaker C: What is she doing? >> Speaker A: Vinegar. >> Speaker B: You rinse with it or wash with it or something.
>> Speaker A: Ah, I don't know. >> Speaker B: Yeah, it's watered down. I think it's one part vinegar. >> Speaker A: I think what I'm learning is I need to talk to Kimberly, too. That's what I'm learning. >> Speaker B: So right now, I think we have eleven or twelve bottles. And maybe ten are like a store bought. They have a label on them and what they say they have, they have in them. >> Speaker A: And they're all soap.
>> Speaker B: Well, no. Conditioner shampoo. >> Speaker A: That's a lot of bottles. >> Speaker B: A body wash. Right. >> Speaker A: And you don't use any of those? >> Speaker B: I use one for my hair. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: I use a shampoo. And then I have my own beard wash and beard conditioner, which I don't keep in the shower. >> Speaker C: Right. >> Speaker B: Um, which is shampoo. And then I use the bar soap.
>> Speaker C: Okay. Huh. Huh. >> Speaker B: It's a healthy smelling bar soap. Whatever it is. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: I'll have to ask Kimberly, uh, what she's getting for you for bar soap. Do you ever carve little messages into the bar soap and leave them for your wife to find? >> Speaker B: Never. >> Speaker A: Are you going to? Now that I've introduced that idea to your lifetime? >> Speaker B: Probably not like prison.
>> Speaker A: Just like itching a bar for messages. >> Speaker B: Like, I heart you with a heart. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: How often do you drop the bar of soap when you're in the shower? >> Speaker B: Every time. >> Speaker A: Just about literally every time. I use. >> Speaker B: Slippery. >> Speaker A: Oh, it's slippery when wet. >> Speaker C: Um. >> Speaker A: Wow. Uh, Michael, how do you feel about baths?
>> Speaker B: I don't like baths. Yeah, I'm a shower guy. >> Speaker A: Tell me why you don't like baths. >> Speaker C: Um. >> Speaker B: You'Re in stationary, standing water. >> Speaker A: Stagnant. >> Speaker B: Stagnant. And pretty soon it gets dirty. Now you can shower first and then enjoy a bath. Once or twice in my life, maybe done that, but I'm a shower. >> Speaker C: Mm. Mhm hmm. >> Speaker B: Standing up?
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: With or without my wife. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: There you, uh, um, anyway, um, I agree with former guest Sam Bagenstas. The bath is a one person experience. There's not enough room for. >> Speaker B: Not in a standard tub. >> Speaker A: Not in a standard tub. Um, okay, so no baths, but it can be relaxing. What do you do to relax? How does Michael chill out? >> Speaker B: Outside the bathroom, you mean?
>> Speaker A: Yeah, wherever, I mean. Or in the bathroom. I'm not going to tell you how to live your. >> Speaker B: A. I don't know if it's lazy boy. I call it a lazy boy recliner. And I'm in that when I'm relaxing. >> Speaker C: There you go. >> Speaker B: Uh, it's an electric, so it has a push button. >> Speaker A: It's the nap zone. >> Speaker B: It's the nap zone. >> Speaker C: Perfect. >> Speaker A: I've also watched you nap a lot of places.
>> Speaker C: Um. >> Speaker A: Uh, so on the topic of showers, I have a number of questions related to a shower. The first is, have you ever taken a dark shower? It is exactly what it sounds like. It's a shower with the lights off. >> Speaker B: Yeah. If I shower in the morning, um, I just run the fan because summertime, it stays longer, lighter, longer. Well, no matter what season, no matter what day, I'm in the shower and no lights, just
the fan going. And I don't like the lights because usually you're still half asleep and you don't need the artificial light. >> Speaker C: Right. >> Speaker B: You'll get that soon enough. And our bathroom has a window. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker B: And the smoked window type thing. >> Speaker C: Do. >> Speaker A: You ever take one when it's dark out without the lights on? Like it is dark in there?
>> Speaker B: If I'm up early enough. Uh, or up late enough. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: There you go. >> Speaker B: All I do is run the fan. >> Speaker A: Do you like it? >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker A: Me too. >> Speaker B: No artificial lighting. Yeah, you talk about relaxing. It's very calming and relaxing. Well, you basically have to run the fan because mildew, steam. Yeah. So you run the fan, which is soothing too. It's just a low, um.
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And then no lights. >> Speaker A: It's like white noise. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker B: And the shower water. And it's no lights, it's dark or semi dark. >> Speaker A: Sensory deprivation chamber. >> Speaker B: And it's just very relaxing. >> Speaker A: I agree. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker A: Um, Michael, have you ever eaten or drank a drink or snack in the shower?
>> Speaker B: Not eaten, no. >> Speaker A: What about a drink? >> Speaker B: Drink? Trying to think maybe. I don't remember. I don't recall. >> Speaker A: You're getting ready to go home here in a little bit. Uh, it might not be a bad time to try it out. Grab yourself a cold one, uh, a soda, and just hit it in the shower. Apparently it does. >> Speaker C: It. >> Speaker B: I'll probably end up going pee then.
>> Speaker A: Yeah, just pee in the shower. Yeah, that's right. >> Speaker B: Yes, I have done that. I do that. >> Speaker A: Do you aim for your feet? >> Speaker B: What? >> Speaker A: Do you aim for your feet? No, because I always try to get my feet when I'm doing it. >> Speaker B: Negative. >> Speaker A: No, you're just right in the bottom. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker B: To me, that's washes right down.
>> Speaker A: I always feel like I'm wasting it, though. Like if I don't hit my feet, I wasted it. There has to be some sort of medicinal benefit of, um, Michael, would you ever eat an orange in the shower like you eat an apple? >> Speaker B: No, I don't eat in the shower. >> Speaker A: Have you ever eaten or drank anything on the toilet? >> Speaker B: M. No. Really? No. I stay focused when I go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom.
>> Speaker A: He's got his eye on the prize. >> Speaker B: I enjoy the time, but it's like, well, pee is like, however long it takes. You wash your hands and you're out, and then you poop. Like I said, three minutes. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And I enjoy the time, but I don't linger there. >> Speaker A: Right. >> Speaker B: Um, you can enjoy something whether it's three minutes or 30 minutes. I lean towards the three minutes.
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Do you take your phone into the bathroom with you? >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker A: For pooping? >> Speaker B: Um, yeah, it's usually on me or I'm carrying it in my. >> Speaker A: Do you play on your phone while you're pooping? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: See, I'm convinced this is the secret to you only spending three minutes in the bathroom because the teens and the youths of today, that's like, phone time.
>> Speaker B: Uh, well, I would have a concern or fear of it falling in the toilet. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: And it happens. Um, most of them lean enough, far enough forward and hold it out. I say that because I've performed that action. >> Speaker B: I've actually held my phone while I was peeing, which is difficult. And then I realized, what are you doing? >> Speaker A: Because that one's dangerous. >> Speaker B: Fall in the toilet. So I quit.
I don't want that to happen. >> Speaker A: That's dangerous? >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: Uh, you're playing with fire water in that. Uh, Michael, let's say you get in the shower and the urge to poop hits you. You've got to purge one. What do you do? >> Speaker B: I step out. >> Speaker A: Do you turn the water off? >> Speaker B: No, I leave it running. I take the shower head and tilt it down. >> Speaker A: Yeah, you aim it.
>> Speaker B: And, um, I just leave it running because. Yeah, you step out and you're all wet. And, um, I just sit on the toilet and you go. And then do you flush the toilet? >> Speaker A: Dripping wet. >> Speaker B: Uh, yeah. >> Speaker A: Wild move. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: It's rarely happened, but if it does. Yeah, you just step out real quick and then do, um, your duty and step back in the shower.
>> Speaker A: Um, under any circumstances, would you ever perform a waffle stomp? Uh, a waffle stomp, for those who don't know, is where you poop into the bottom of the shower and then stomp your own turd to make it go down the drain? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: Okay. But have you ever done it out of necessity? >> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: Would you do it? >> Speaker B: No.
>> Speaker A: You would always get out of the show. What if emergency diarrhea happens? >> Speaker B: No, I'd step out. >> Speaker A: Yeah, but you run the risk of doing it on the floor. >> Speaker B: It's like if you feel like vomiting, you run to the toilet no matter where you. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I guess that's fair. Um, would you poop into your hand, catch it, and toss that into the toilet from where you're at?
>> Speaker B: No. >> Speaker A: Would you perform that or the waffle stomp first? >> Speaker B: Um, my hand first. >> Speaker A: Really? >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: You'd go for the hand grab and toss? >> Speaker B: Well, if you let it fall down. No, I change. If you'd let it fall down in the tub, then you just scoop it up with TP. I'd do that. >> Speaker A: Okay, so you're doing the, like, cat poop.
I pooped in the litter box, and I'm going to come back and clean it later. Yes, got it. >> Speaker B: Do that. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: But the drain is right there. If you add enough water to any solid, it becomes a liquid. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker A: That's fact. That's science. Um, okay, well, you're a clean and ordered person. Um, what are some bathroom pet peeves? That just. That you walk into the bathroom and you're like,
dang it again. This is happening again. >> Speaker B: Um, people don't flush a second time. Or maybe it's a third time. There's a little bit of residue. Just flush it again. So the next person is looking down at basically half cold, cold, clear water. Yeah. You walk in and you're just residue. Poop residue. TP residue. A little bit. Just a second flush or a third flush or whatever it takes. So the next person is looking down at a cold, clear bowl of water.
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Um, as I understand it, there are a number of culprits of this act that attend the Friday night young adults crew that need, and I have mentioned to them they need to figure this straight out. >> Speaker B: Um, well, they use the urinal and they don't know how to flush the urinal. I come in Saturday morning and it's dark. >> Speaker A: Yeah, they need to be hydrated too.
>> Speaker B: Yeah, it's dark yellow and I don't know if that's one pea or multiples, but drink a lot of water and flush. >> Speaker A: Uh, flush. Yeah, I can see that. The residue left in the toilet, that'd be frustrating. The only thing that gets me though is sometimes you flush and it's one of those toilets that takes forever to reload. >> Speaker B: Like the shirt. Like clot of call toilets. >> Speaker C: Yeah.
>> Speaker A: Specifically the right one. You know what I'm saying? Uh, the big stall, the one I don't use. I've actually been using the library bathroom. >> Speaker B: It's, uh, a quick flush. It's a quick flush. >> Speaker A: New toilet, private m m zone. It doesn't lock, but I'm there at 05:00 a.m. So I'm good. Perfect. Um, any other pet peeves? >> Speaker B: Yeah, at work, at school. >> Speaker C: Here. >> Speaker A: There we go.
>> Speaker B: Um, you've got staff. I know it's staff. It's the boys locker room. >> Speaker A: Staff bathroom. >> Speaker B: It's the staff bathroom in the boys locker room. It's the men's bathroom. Office. >> Speaker A: What are they doing? >> Speaker B: Somebody's going poop and they're like shooting it out and there's, um. Dried on. >> Speaker A: I have photographic evidence on my phone of this phenomenon. >> Speaker B: Dried on pooping.
>> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker B: And it must harden pretty quick. >> Speaker C: Yes. >> Speaker B: It takes a lot to get that off, even with a scrubby sponge. >> Speaker A: And Michael, what you're saying is verified 100% true because I took a photo at this location of the underside of a bathroom and I went, what in the freaking heck are we doing? When you know you've shotgunned it, just wipe it. When you're done because it's wet. Then don't let it dry.
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Or if it's in the bowl, just flush it quick. >> Speaker C: Or. >> Speaker B: Yeah, wipe it. Take TP and wipe it and then flush it. >> Speaker A: Uh, what about those grease marks that people leave? How do you feel about those? >> Speaker B: Well, those soften up after time and hopefully if you work a swing shift, by the time you flush it, they'll soften up and they'll go down. >> Speaker A: They work themselves out.
>> Speaker B: They work themselves out, yes. >> Speaker A: What about at your home? Do you have any pet peeves at your house that you'll get in trouble for sharing? Ah, black. >> Speaker B: We're a one bathroom house, so just the length of time that kimberly. But I've become m much more patient. >> Speaker A: So I just wait. We're both married and we'll take the grief that we earn. But I think women generally take a little longer in the bathroom. As a whole, and that's
fine. But you live pretty close to your. You could always go to, I don't know, drive to the church and go to the. >> Speaker B: Probably done that. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Oh, I've definitely emergency stop the church. Like when I get off work or something, and I'm like, oh, I got to go to Salem, but I'm not going all the way to my house. I'll just swing at a church. >> Speaker C: Poop. >> Speaker B: Yeah.
>> Speaker A: I've even done it to the gym. I've done it to the gym on the way out of town. I park, scan my badge, run in, go and hop back in the car. >> Speaker B: Nice to have keys to your jobs that you have access to. Toilets. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Um, well, Michael, uh, I have one more question. And that is what is the fast food or regular food establishment that does you the dirtiest, just fouls you up, gives you the tummy bubbles?
>> Speaker B: I don't know, but I would probably have to say, like, any taco establishment. >> Speaker A: Riga squirtos. Yeah, I ate it. Hey, so I'm not trying to. Rigabirdos exist for a reason. It's not for me to eat at. Um, they don't even mess me up. Anna and I ate there for the first time this week, probably last time, uh, because it's been a minute since I've had a authentic mexican restaurant not get nachos square. Um, yeah, anyway, uh, that's not what we're here for, so.
Michael, thank you for doing this. >> Speaker B: I have a question, a future question you should ask. >> Speaker C: Okay. >> Speaker A: You might get asked it right now. >> Speaker B: But what brand or whatever they call it, model or brand name of toilet do you have in your bathroom or bathrooms? >> Speaker A: I'm adding it to the list as you.
>> Speaker B: So we currently have an american standard toilet, and it's comparable to that toilet that's in the conference room of Claudetta. Call at the church. It's a fast flusher. I call it the recovery time. When you flush, how many seconds does it take for the toilet? I've seen two or three minutes of toilets that take a long time. >> Speaker A: It's unacceptable. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Uh, again, that probably fills in 20
seconds. Ours probably is about 20 to 30 seconds. Refill time. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: You go poop, you flush, and while it's refilling, you wipe. And by the time it's done, I'm done wiping, and you flush again. >> Speaker A: Oh, so you're a two flush every time type guy? >> Speaker B: Definitely. >> Speaker A: So you courtesy flush every flush? >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: I believe if you need to flush, I don't care how many times
you need to flush. Just flush m more than once. >> Speaker A: Every single. >> Speaker B: Do it in one flush. >> Speaker A: Every single time I go to the bathroom, the only time I'm flushing before wiping has happened is if it's been a disaster situation and I'm scared, uh, to leave it longer. But, yeah, I do everything, wipe. Everything is done. I stand up, and then the flush happens. And there's usually one flush,
unless you've got the tummy bubbles. And then there's three to five sometimes. >> Speaker B: Um, I guess because I use a lot more tp I have that's flush twice. >> Speaker A: Yeah, he's scared for what might happen if he doesn't. >> Speaker B: Um, and ours is like the low flesh toilet now is like 1.2 gallons, which is incredible. >> Speaker A: Anna and I were in home Depot or Lowe's. It's the same thing. Just one likes veterans more.
Um, but we were at one of those places, and they had a toilet that they claimed would flush, like seven billiard balls. >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I've seen that at home Depot. I saw the toilet. Or tennis balls or billiard balls. Yeah, it's able to as long as. Well, your sewer line's bigger, so it'll handle it. But the pipe, it's got the force m. Yeah. Ours is like a power flush. It's a residential toilet. But it's like, this is cool. >> Speaker A: It blasts it down, huh?
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. This is several years ago. Your cheap toilet was 100. Your expensive was three to 350. The middle of the road, it's great. $200. They're probably more like 250 now, but middle of the road, two to 200 and $5250 for, uh, an awesome toilet. You don't need the european style 300 and $5400. I mean, you can go that way, but middle of the road is awesome. >> Speaker A: Once you go european, you never go back. That's what I am told. >> Speaker C: American.
>> Speaker B: Um, standard, good quality. >> Speaker A: I'm pretty sure that's what we have in our home. I told Anna our toilet seat is embarrassing that I sit on it for an hour at least once a week. Um, to record this, I said we need a heavier duty toilet seat. This thing is thin plastic, idiocy. >> Speaker B: And do you have a. Well, two questions. Do you have a standard lid or the no slam or the quiet? The no slam toilet seat they call.
>> Speaker A: Well, we have a no slam, but I hate it. I love them because they're thinner. >> Speaker B: Oh, I love them. You can drop it. In fact, I forget. If you're at somebody's house and you forget and you let go and slam. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: And it's a no slam. >> Speaker A: And I love just yelled boom. So loud that that light turned on. That was the craziest thing ever. >> Speaker B: Uh, either that or a fly.
>> Speaker A: Either that or there's a gaga ghost in there. Um, that was wild. Sorry. >> Speaker B: If you want to sit down immediately, it takes a little while. You can push it down, but other than that, you just let it drop. Like, in the middle of the night, you go and you just let it drop, and, you know, it slowly goes down. And it came with that particular toilet. But I've bought them also as an afterthought.
>> Speaker A: But they're lighter, and I just feel less heavy duty. >> Speaker B: Oh, I'm not, but I'm not a heavy person. >> Speaker A: I know, but I bet you don't often sit on the lid. No, I sit on it a lot. Michael. >> Speaker B: You record. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: So at the school where we are now, um, they don't have a lid. There is about eight inches between my shorts and
wet. Uh, and the only saving grace is that we don't have an automatic flush right now. Yeah. Uh, I'm living a dangerous game. >> Speaker B: And this came up in one of your interviews. A squatty potty. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Everybody should own one. >> Speaker A: Do you own one? >> Speaker B: We do. They were really hot, like, five or six, seven years ago. I mean, they had
Internet advertising everywhere. And we bought just the basic plastic, and they were like, 2020, $5. You can buy bamboo, you can buy wood. It's really cool. But we just bought the basic one. And you sit on the toilet and you keep it there in the bathroom. Right. And it does this. >> Speaker A: It girds up your loins. >> Speaker B: And I swear, okay, I think I get 20% more poop out than if I didn't use one at all. >> Speaker A: This is part of the three minute poop job.
>> Speaker B: So this is evolution. But they say evolutionary. But they say thousands of years ago, we used to squat as humans. >> Speaker C: Yes. Okay. >> Speaker B: Whether you were on toilet or not, you would squat. Well, that was a natural position. >> Speaker C: Your legs. >> Speaker B: And we've lost that with the modern day toilet. >> Speaker A: My situation, I don't need help. Like, it comes pretty quick. That's what she said.
>> Speaker B: Squatty potty. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: You have, Michael, um, once at the church. This is a story for you. Once at the church, I went, you know what? I'm going to try to squat this toilet. And I did it the worst way possible, which was I actually stood on the toilet. Like, I put my feet on the seat and then I held on. >> Speaker B: That's too high. >> Speaker A: Each hand on either stall
thing. And I kind of, like, monkey perched it and as I began to go, it came out so fast and it plopped and hit the water so hard that I got scared and instantly just yinked my butt and got down and went back to my normal position because I was afraid of making a mess. >> Speaker B: Did you see the stall walls in Claudic hall bathrooms? Boys, they're pulling away from the wall. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I know. That is not me. That is not me. I did not do that.
>> Speaker B: It's 25 year old building. >> Speaker A: Yeah. And there used to be punk teens that used to reef on. >> Speaker C: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker A: Um, I've hollered at them and they've gotten mad and don't want to be there anymore, so that's fine. Um, well, Michael, thank you so much for doing this and letting me bombard you at the end of your work day. >> Speaker B: One more. >> Speaker C: Yeah.
>> Speaker B: Oh, so good. So we've had both before and standard toilet bowl, or the elongated they offer, you can buy an elongated, elongated bowl. And I think the elongated are for, it's a larger surface area, so larger butts. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: But I remember when they came out, um, dad had elongated bowls. I thought this was everybody had them. And you'd go to other homes and, oh, you don't have an elongated bowl. >> Speaker A: What the heck?
>> Speaker B: How come we have a better bowl than you do? >> Speaker A: There's some people that no size bowl will help. >> Speaker B: We have a standard right now. Um, but we've had elongated, so either or. >> Speaker C: Mhm. >> Speaker B: Hot, but no slam lid. And, uh, squatty potty. >> Speaker A: Michael's perfect toilet. No slam lid, squatty potty. >> Speaker B: And you can buy the cheap imitation, I'm sure, but squatty potty, just Google it.
>> Speaker A: Here's an idea. Just buy a kid's footstool because it's the same thing. Kids is lower, you know, all it is is a glorified birthing stirrup. You know how like when women give. >> Speaker B: Step stool would do the same? >> Speaker A: Yeah, but women give birth and they will put their legs in the stirrups on the birthing bed. That's literally what this is. But it slides under your toilet.
>> Speaker B: It's the same thing and it just fits naturally there. It's curved just perfect. >> Speaker A: And we have the intro audio sound for the episode. Michael, thank you. Um, you're very welcome. It's been a long time coming. >> Speaker B: It's been a pleasure. >> Speaker A: And I was very excited to get to do this.
Um, I'm going to do what I describe to everybody as the dog is taking a poop in the backyard and somebody's watching him and it looks awkward, but he has to do it, which is where I close the episode and do all the things with you sitting here. So thank you all for listening. Uh, as always, you can send us an email privycast@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Episode suggestions. If you have a weird story, want to be on the show, whatever you want, send us an email privycast@gmail.com.
You can follow us on social media. Tread lightly on the TikTok. We're at Privycast. As always, we want to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of bar room ballet as our intro and outro music. You can find Kevin's music@incompetent.com. And his music is licensed under Creative Commons license Attribution 4.0. Thanks, Kevin. >> Speaker B: Can I say it with you? >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining
us. And now, as always, don't forget to flush. And then I'm going to skewed it on and just really aim it right in here. >> Speaker C: All our channel.