>> Hunter Hoover: But, you know, the emperor is not getting bit by rats. You know, the emperor is not sharing a, wipe wand with Dave. He's not. Hello, welcome to Privy, a podcast about toilets from a toilet. I'm Hunter. Before we begin in this first episode, I want to take a moment and speak to what this show is. This is a podcast about toilets.
If you're looking for something more, I'm sorry, we're going to cover restroom etiquette, history, culture, lore, etc. it's a pretty lofty subject, and it needs to be taken seriously. So for our first topic, I, want to go way, way, way back to ancient Roman public restrooms. and I know that when you guys are all using the restroom, this is the first thing that you're thinking about, is what did the Romans do God knows how long ago
when they went to the bathroom? So, in case you were curious, here it is for you today. you'll see that we have a lot to be thankful for in how far we have come in when we use the potty today. and so, as with most things that take place a long time ago, they're messy and super complicated. And really, we have progressed so far. so right now I'm sitting in an enclosed space. This is another facet of this podcast, that as it comes out, you will hear more and more about. But it is recorded live
from a restroom. and so today I am in a relatively private space. But public restrooms didn't always lend themselves to this tiny room where you are alone, just you and your business. in. In ancient Rome, it was often a row of toilets, all sitting next to each other, side by side, no privacy. And, you had to make friends pretty quick with the people who chose to use the restroom around the
same time that you did. and so, although Rome didn't invent or give us the toilet, they lend a lot to us for how people thought of these spaces throughout history. so as they made dirt, there weren't unspoken moments of silence. In fact, it seems that using the restroom in ancient Rome was more of a social thing. It was something where you had to go out, go to this common space, and sit down with, hopefully, people you kind of know and do your business next
to them. which just sounds absolutely delightful, in this day and age. But hopefully, the Romans got used to it. and so before, we sat on our phones, because a lot of us today, when we use the restroom, that is kind of like it might be your quiet time, or it might be your time to take out your phone and maybe just send, a potty shot to someone who knows? but back then, you didn't have phones,
so what did you do before? Phones and magazines and all the other stuff that we have chosen to do to fill our free time as we're sitting on the toilet? and so you had to turn to your right and left to talk to the people around you. and they wore often longer garments. So as they went to the potty, lest you think that they're doing their business and they're chatting with Dave, who's sitting next to them, and they look over and you might see a little bit too much of
Dave. a lot of times they had these long garments that actually would have hung down over top of their nakedness as they use the potty. and so before we knock ancient Rome for their barbarism in this area, really think about what you do on the toilet. If you take your phone out, you're introducing a bacterial nightmare to the equation. and just think of it like you are on this toilet. You're touching your phone with your hand, which is now maybe dirty from you using the toilet. it's a
mess. And the next time you get a text from someone, think about the likelihood that maybe they sent you that text while they're sitting on the toilet. a lot of times we don't need a little insight to what people are doing when they send us their messages, but, man, it's an interesting thing to think about. So, really, take that in. Hopefully you did that. but to make the matters of this Roman restroom worse, there, was no toilet paper.
So you're doing your business, and we should not hear that and assume that they did not wipe. They had their methods. but. Because what type of nasty folks ain't wiping? but there was usually a sponge or a stick with some sort of cloth or a sponge on it. and they would use that utensil or that item to clean their zone after they've done their business. welcome to Ancient Rome. God help us. Let's get some toilet paper into the equation. Hopefully we get there in history
in this podcast. but when you're done, and check this, because this is the wild part, and this is the part that gives me pause and makes me hang up on it for a bit. When you're done with that stick with the sponge attached to it, don't throw it away. No, pass it down to Dave. Pass it to your bestie, because you better believe he needs to clean up, too. Communal wiping instruments. This is wild. And this is really why I wanted to talk about ancient, Roman
restrooms. Because this whole concept of sharing the item that you wipe your dookie with is insanity to me. And I understand maybe they didn't have, as many, things to just use and throw away, but m. Man, you have to think they had to be able to at least get one per one person. it seems like that would have been something each person could have at least tried to come up with, but, they had communal wiping instruments. It's wild to me.
And they don't teach you that in history class. and maybe that was the glory of the Roman Empire at long last. So another fun activity that you could do with your stick sponge is fend off the many rats who would gather at the restroom sites. so you would be trying to do your business. You're sitting on the john, and remember, Dave's right next to you, and you're chilling, and maybe you passed Dave the communal wiping wand, and now you might have a rat trying to bite your
butt. And that is not okay. and, you know, I've seen stuff on the Internet of, like, people having snakes or God knows what crawl up or swim up through their plumbing in their toilet, and then they get in their toilet, and that. That ain't okay. But imagine you're doing your stuff, and now you have a rat as part of the equation. No animal needs to be part of the bathroomoming equation ever. That's my opinion, but I think most people would agree with that.
and hopefully you can get the communal wiping wand from Dave, because now you got to fight a rat while you make dirt. so we've come a long way that rat could bite you on the butt. Lord knows that it's carrying some sort of disease. and we've come so far from that. And I'm sure that we are going to, cover rats plenty, as we go through especially, like, as I think about it, like sewers, but also just
human waste in general. I feel like that's one of the areas that, the rat population is going to interact moderately closely to. so we'll see. But in this case, we have two strikes. I would argue against ancient Roman public restrooms. and that is the communal wiping wand. And I cannot that it is communal, and rat booty biting. So that's not great either. So with all this fun information on the state of these restrooms.
One would think that this would be a spot that was last resort and that it would be moderately easy for a person to get into this place to go to the bathroom. I mean you don't, you don't think that when you advertise take a turd next to your best friend, he might be able to see you. Also, hopefully you guys are chill with sharing your wiping instruments because that's going to be a thing too. and also, don't forget you might
get bit by a rat. and that's, you can't imagine that that is a desired restrooming experience ever. But apparently that these restrooms in ancient Rome were tough to get access to. archaeologists have found graffiti outside these public restrooms showing and implying that there was long wait times, and enough time to at least doodle draw as you waited in line to get into one of these public restrooms. That's crazy. I hate waiting in line to ride anything at Disney or wait
in line for food. not too far from where I'm at, they just opened an In N Out burger and there's, they're quoting like an hour to three hour wait times still like three weeks after the dang thing is open. And you won't catch me dead near that place until the wait time is normal. and these guys are posting up waiting in line for communal wiping instruments and rat booty biting. And that is, that is wild. but the other thing is that these spaces where drawings were made were used by
the low class. Ah. Or slaves. And so in the same way that, that makes sense, but you know, the emperor is not getting bit by rats. You know, the emperor'not sharing a, wip wand with Dave. He's not. Ancient Roman public restrooms could have come into play. I mean, if you're a slave, how often throughout the day are you going to get a chance to talk to your friend? But, but the public restroom where you and Dave have to sit next to each other to do your business and fend off rats together,
that might be your chance. That might be the chance that these slaves in ancient Rome and maybe the lower class people had a chance to level with one another and chat. And so these public restrooms, it, the wait times makes sense when you start to think of that because you have, the people inside are not there just to poop. They're there to talk to each other, perhaps even just for a little bit. And you
know, they're not there forever. Like they'whoever their master is, is not going to let them just be there indefinitely, you know that. But there is a, ah, degree to which hey, my master is not goingna follow me into the nasty rat sponge sharing public restroom. So I'm gonna take the next five minutes to catch up with Dave and hopefully I get to use the WIP wand
first. That's really what it comes down to. You want to do your business faster than Dave, so that way he has to use the dirty wipe wand, and you get it fresh. In my opinion. That's how I would look at it. It's a real, you don't have to run the bear, you just have to outrun the other guy, but with a poop stick. Also, this is the first episode so I really hope that you're enjoying the high class and highbrow
conversations. We made it to poop sharing on day one, so strap in I guess, because who knows where this is going. But yeah, no chance that the emperor was, was risking rat bites and seeing Dave's nethers as he made dirt. and most people who owned a home in the city likely had a hole that they had dug in their own home or maybe in their own backyard.
And so these are, these public Roman restrooms are really an innovation because I mean it goes into the ground in some way and they have a little bit of drainage to get it off. But imagine that like before these ancient Roman public restrooms, what the alternative was, you find a bush, you huff off and you do your dirt in the bush. But eventually the dookie pile
gets too big. When you get so many people in a city that you have to come up with a system by which people who may not be able to afford their own restroom, or as sucky as it sounds, those who are of a class that you ain't letting them use your restroom, they have to go somewhere in order to help maintain the waste. And so if they're just going in the street or going God knows where,
we're gonna have a problem. And so that's how these, these ancient Roman public restrooms, that's what they're there for. And it sounds like they became almost a case study and a cultural piece with these artistic drawings and stuff that the archaeologists have find where there's at least some social aspect to the public Roman restrooms at this time. it's wild. So. And in. The crazy thing is, is that most of what we know about ancient Roman public restrooms has only come to us in
the last 100 years. And up until the early 1900s, toilets were taboo from scholarly discussion. You know, no one who's going to school, especially, like post high school, is wanting to go out on a limb and say, hey, yeah, you know, I'm the guy that studies the place where people take a dump. that was not something that was on the table. and so only within the last hundred years did this
become a thing of study. And so much of what we learned comes from people literally being willing to get dirty and try to answer some of the weird and interesting questions we have around one of the nastier part of our lives. We spend so much time on the toilet, and how often do we stop to think about how we got here? It's crazy. And I hope that as we look at stuff on Privy, that is part of the curiosity that we can spark. You know,
I could have picked anything. You know, we could. We could be doing the history of weird fair food or even talking about some other thing, but we spend so m much time in the restroom. It's crazy. you know, it'it's. Something that, at the end of the day, I mean, this isn'tn toa change your life. Like, we're talking about ancient Roman public restrooms. That couldn not be more detached from most people's restrooming experience than it could be. Like, again, I'm sitting in a
public. Sorry, a private room by myself with some recording equipment. Nobody can see me. Dave's not trying to share the poop wand with me, and there's no rats getting ready to take over, so we've come a long way. But it helps us, even if it's just to be grateful to think back on some of the things, especially in the history and culture stuff. How did we get here? And so I hope that as we move
through, those things. That is, one of the things that Privy can provide is just this sense of curiosity around toilets. It's crazy. So, as we closed this week, I want to remind you, that this show is early. This is episode one. I'm new to recording, and so I hope that as it progresses and as some of these other episodes come out, that I can get audio kinks worked out. I think there's possibility that there's, like, a metronome clicking in the first half of this episode. So you're welcome.
you know, I'm learning, and so I hope that as people engage with this show, that they find it interesting, even if it's just, maybe a weird cultural break from what's going on. if you're listening to Privy on the toilet, good on you, I guess. maybe it's a little bit of, like, toilet inception for you. but I would encourage you, if you're able, try to engage with us on Instagram and Twitter,
privycast. and if you have a recommendation or question or, would like to add a correction, maybe you know more, probably do than me about public, ancient Roman public restrooms, hit me up, privycast@gmail.com. and so one of the things that we do is, again, I'm recording from a restroom. And so when we're done, until next time, goodbye. And remember, don't forget to flush the toilet.