>> Speaker A: Are you ready? It's a tradition. Before we get Phil out, we get him fired up by chanting, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil. It huxatani Phil is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom. And I want to welcome you to the 2024 privy cast presents the Groundhog Day special. Happy Groundhogs Day, everybody. At the point of this episode's release, you've already celebrated both publicly
and privately with your families. Um, I hope you had a joyous celebration of our dear friend plum Satami. As you know, plump Satami did not see his shadow. And here's the deal about plump Satomi in this moment. Whether or not you believe plump Satami has special weather predicting powers, which, I mean, look at the guy. If he doesn't, who does? Do you know what
I'm saying? Also, if you've never taken in Groundhog's day festivities and celebrations, I highly cannot more highly recommend that you go watch a rebroadcast of this year's Groundhog's Day festivities out on the lawn of plumpsatomi, Pennsylvania. Uh, punksatami. You know what I'm saying? But go watch it. These people are absolutely phenomenal to watch, uh, as they. I think it's a cult. You get big cult vibes, but he's a groundhog. It's Groundhog's Day. You got to get in the spirit.
And whether you think that these hundreds, if not thousands, of people gathering of the lawns in Punksatani, Pennsylvania, to essentially hear from a rodent every year is crazy, or whether you hear me say, groundhog Day is the best holiday in February, and you say, well, no, hunter. What about Super Bowl Sunday? What about Valentine's Day? What about President's Day? All these. The reality is Groundhogs Day means another privy cast Groundhogs Day special.
In the past, we've discussed prairie dogginate, koalas, wombats, the like. And, uh, one thing's been kind of the trend in this is in many of these cases we have been discussing what I would call is either a rodent or is rodent adjacent. Uh, and I think that's fitting, as the ground dog is himself a marmot. Little Marmot, little silly little guy. He's so funny. Today I took a dump at the day of recording.
Today I took a dump at Lebanon high School, and I had to use the gender neutral bathroom because that was all that was open to use at this point. Um, but they didn't have a stall door. So, like, the whole time I'm in there, I'm worried about somebody coming in and just seeing me doing my thing without the stall door shut because the stall door is nonexistent. Um, I, uh, digress. It just stood out, you know,
but we're. We're. We're. We're moving away from the world of marmots and marsupials to the world of bears. You've heard it asked, does a bear poop in the woods? And to that I say, probably, but whether or not it does, you know, we are going to talk about it as we delve into this groundhog's day special. It is going to behoove us to lay out some definitions of what makes a bear a bear. There's been a lot of talk recently about what
makes, uh. Anyway, we're not going to get into the politics of it, but the technical definition of a bear is a large, often shaggy haired mammal with large plantagrade feet that feeds primarily on plants and insects, but will eat meat. Now, I want to say, other than the inclusion of whatever plantagrade feed is, I have to know, uh, we get the power of the Internet right here. What is a. Oh, it has to do with the position. It's the posture of
the foot. Plantagrade is where the surface of the whole foot touches the ground. Oh, weird. Yeah. Uh, uh, okay, so it's, like, super flat footed. And the way it's organized, you may be few out there, but other than that, that sounds a lot like some husky boy, you know what I'm saying? Like a large, shaggy haired mammal that feeds primarily, uh, wow. Now he's eating cheeseburgers. But most strikingly in this definition. Okay, first stop. Everybody pause out here.
Get it? Pause out. It should be noted, koalas are not bears because they are marsupials, and we already talked about them and their strange behavior. You can go check out last year's episode if you dare. But what is most striking is bears in this definition, are primarily herbivores. Now, a herbivore is a salad eating organism. They love lettuce. Um, they gobble up the veggies. They just can't get
enough of them. I'm not a herbivore, but this is striking because, as is also noted, bears will hunt and eat meat, or in the case of Winnie the pooh, will snag himself just a big old smackerel of honey. And bears are weird. Like, when I think of a bear, I don't think I would have thought of them as primarily plant eating creatures. I think of them as they would eat me, and I'm not plants. So, um, that's that. But bears are
weird. And other than their weird feet and their weird eating habits, even more weird is their tummy. Bare intestines differ than the intestines of us humans in that bare intestines are elongated. Think of like a big tube slide that runs down the inside of a bear. It's not straight. It does have a couple of hooks, cutbacks. But human intestines swerve back and forth. It's like, got all these switchbacks before finding the end of the poop chute. Bears have an elongated
intestine. It should also be noted bears do not have a large and small intestine to digest food. While their intestines are very efficient at digesting foods, certain foods are not digested well and as a result, fly right through them. The other big difference about bears and their innards, the guts. It's been a hot minute since I've given y'all a hot applebee's update, but I ought to give it to recently, uh, recently on Applebee's, um, I gotta make a confession.
The family behind the table we were sitting at, they did leave an entire child's cheese pizza. Um, and all I'm gonna say is, we did take care of it. But Applebee's wings, golly, they're so good. But they just do you so, like, I think Applebee's wings are like what happens with bears? Uh, but bears don't have a sequum now. Gosh. Adhd brain, everybody. Here we go. The seacum is like this pouch like structure at the beginning of the large
intestine. Um, and the seacum pretty much receives the material that was not digested in the small intestine. And the seacum also helps absorb electrolytes and water before the food is further broken down in the large intestine. But bears do not have two intestines, and they do not have this little seacum pouch. Due to these structures of
bear innards. Even though they like to eat plants and they are technically herbivores, their bodies are not good at digesting high cellulose plant material, celery, if you will. For instance, if a bear eats some leafy greens such as leaves or clover, it will pass through that bear in about 7 hours. Whereas if they dig on a big old salmon, just a big old nice fishy, it's going to take that protein rich food about
13 hours. Because the fish is being more processed and more nutrients absorbed by the bear stomach than is the high cellulose plants. The veggies fly right through them. Salad is to bears what Applebee's wings are to people like me. Now, bar intestines. Not being able to break down plant structures means they're also really. I mean, they do break them down, but, like, not
as good and not as efficiently. But that also means that bears are extremely helpful to the environment and the propagating of the ecosystem. It's a fact. I'm about to hit you with a scientific fact. Um, if. Gosh. Science with hunter. Here we go. Are you ready? Here's your science fact for the week. Bears love berries. They can't get enough of them. Uh, they're absolutely fanatics for these small, sweet little babies. Um, it's a fact. Bears love babies. Oh, shoot. Berries. God, what is going on?
And when we would go out huckleberry picking in Montana, it would be often that we would either carry bear whistles or would be out there making nature calls to ward off bears. Yeah, you know, bear calls. You don't want a bear sneaking up on you for a snack in the middle of berry picking. Again, they like berries, but they will eat you. They prefer, however, the berries that you are taking. But when bears eat berries, their intestines do a pretty good job of breaking down
the berry. But the seeds m. No, the seeds pass straight through. Just fiber buddies. Straight on through that big old beer, uh, completely untouched. And this means that the bear actually serves to plant those seeds. They gobble up berries here, they digest. They shazberries there. Huh? Shazberries. Hey, there's an idea. Shazberry crunch. Shout out to the captain. Captain, if you're listening to me, I don't want to deal with this modern day captain. I want the old guy.
Get this freaking loser out of here. I want old Captain Crunch. And I want to say, um, Shazbury Crunch. It's bear shaped, chocolate flavored captain. Mhm. Crunch might be a market. Shazbury crunch. Uh, Quaker company, if you want to hit me up on that. Ah, we can talk. Shazbury crunch. Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim. Um, but bears will plant berry bushes by pooping after having a snack. It's pretty cool. Uh, like little bear seed spreaders.
But it must be pretty frustrating to be a plant eating animal and not be able to digest so many plants very well. This becomes specifically the case on one specific type of bear. When you think of pandas, you might think of the cute and cuddly black and white buddies that roll around and they just so adorable, you know, kung fu panda is coming out it's on its way. Kung fu panda four.
And maybe you think of po, the kung fu panda when you think of pandas, or you might think of the americanized chinese food chain that keeps you on the pot for an afternoon. But pandas, like bears, because they are bears, are technically omnivores. Um, they can eat meat. They just don't want to.
Now, while black bears and grizzlies will seek meat out and will often choose plants to snosh on that give them more nutrients before they fail to break them down, pandas go for pretty much the most unhelpful food a bear could go for. Bamboo. Now, when I told you that bare intestines are really bad at breaking down high cellulose content plants, bamboo is like that, man. It's like all fiber, all bad for the Bear tumtum, it does not
do a lot for them. If a bear eats a plant, it needs to be pretty high in nutrients to make it worth it. This said bamboo is very low in nutrients. Likewise, the ease of the plant to digest helps the bear. Problem is, I don't know if you've ever interacted with bamboo, but it's pretty, uh, challenging to digest, I would guess. Never tried it. But, like, going to go out on a limb, seems
like it would be hard to digest. So not only is bamboo hard to digest and low in nutrients, but pandas are going to be pooping that bamboo on the regular. Sometimes. It is estimated pandas poop up to 50 times per day. Now, thanks to, uh, the, uh, poop map app, I can tell you exactly how many times I chased one today. So today, I've dropped three stacks today, and one of those was less than an hour ago. Heyo. But these pandas, they're putting up record numbers 50 times a
day. That's a lot. That's a lot of time spent taking a dump. And because of the fiber and low nutrient content, because of the fiber, uh, of the bamboo and the low nutrient content of the bambooz, uh, pandas are going to be pooping that bamboo a lot. And many pandas essentially need to make sure that their digestive tract is always filled up with some amount of bamboo at any given time. The result is pandas are like, always eating bamboo. Think of pandas as like a sausage
machine. You get your sausage machine, and when you stick whatever it is that you're running through the Top of the sausage machine, you got to feed a little bit through before you start getting a little bit out. But then once you get some in the tube, and you get it flowing. You get that meat just sliding down that tube. Once you get it in the tank, once you get the meat in the tank, then as it pushes it, it just keeps pushing more out in the form of sausages on the other side. That is a panda.
They spend 12 hours per day inserting bamboo into the system in order to keep a steady flow of bamboo on their insides. Some pandas will eat over 80 pounds of bamboo a day. This said, uh, there's 80 pounds. This said, uh, there's definitely Times where they are eating while they are pooping, just moving the Bamboo from one end to the other, like, again, like a big panda sausage machine. And all I can think is, you look at these beautiful creatures. They're big, cuddly Guys. They probably
eat your face off. But you look at this, and you start to ask, why pandas? Why? Why do you do this to yourselves? Like, I get fiber buddies, but this is taking it to a whole new level. And all I can think is, they have got to love the way that the Bamboo tastes. But if you did listen to our Koala episode from last year. Thank you for listening. Uh, I don't say that enough. Ah. You will remember the heinous things that Koala cubs
do. And while pandas might be cute and cuddly, the problem is much m like koalas, when pandas are born, they don't have the bacteria in their tummies to digest bamboo. And for this reason, and for this reason, panda cubs often eat. I can't why. These are beautiful creatures, but, like, panda cubs will eat the mother's poop in order to gain, uh, the correct gut bacteria to then be able to begin to break down the bamboo. That's so gross. Like, figure it out. And animals
everywhere. I know it's for survival, but stop eating your parents poop. Like, just stop it. Pandas, they're cute and cuddly, but they're essentially bamboo pooping machines. That is something that China, the country of China, knows all too well. And this brings us to an installment of poo in the newsroom. This poo in the News is brought to us by the BBC. Uh, this article is from December 2017, and it's titled chinese firm to recycle panda poo into tissue
paper. It notes that pandas are one of China's top tourist draws. And the national panda Reserve in Sichuan, I don't know, province, has signed a deal with a paper company to recycle panda poo. The company will turn the high fiber bamboo waste again because the pandas are terrible at really breaking this down and will turn it into panda poo tissues. According to a report, uh, anyway, uh, it notes that each adult panda produces more than 22 pounds of feces a day, along with the poo, often
euphemistically called green balls. It's these little packed green little nuggets of apparently potential tissue paper. Uh, pandas produce about 50. Food waste, often is uneaten bamboo or material that they've chewed up and spit out. It also should be noted that studying the pandas poo is helping to save many pandas that would be endangered. But the China Conservation and Research center for giant Pandas signed a deal with, uh,
the paper company. And under the agreement, the firm will collect panda feces and food waste every week. And then the reserve previously discards the material they used to turn it into fertilizer. But the paper company began to take it and run it through this 60 step recycling process. Now, I beg the question. I'm not trying to sling shade at this because I think it's a full circle, the thing that you. Well, yeah, anyway, but 60 step recycling process, there's no way
that doesn't take any energy. It has to take too much energy. They tell them that in the process of digesting bamboo, pandas strip the fructose out of the plants, the fiber in the plants. This is a normal step in paper production that the pandas do for them. It's a win win, he says. And the material, uh, will be made into tissues, paper towels, and toilet paper marketed under the panda poo brand. A box of tissues will be about $6.50 now. No. So that is the end of
the article. Now I want to say something. I get turning the panda poo into toilet paper, it makes sense. Like, the pandas pooped the turds out of their butt and then they turn into paper that I wipe mine with. That makes sense. Now, my problem is this. I can't imagine the tissue paper did well, because if they are marketing this under the brand of panda poo, I'm going to see if you can still buy this. Oh, yeah, the cheeky panda bamboo toilet paper.
Crazy. Absolutely wild. But I can't imagine anybody wants to wipe their schnaws with something that at one point in its history came out of the backside of a little bear. Man, that just has got to bring us to the end of poo in the news. However, pandas are not the only bears that have weird bathroom habits. And one of the distinguishing factors of many bear species is their hibernation. Now, the stereotype in bears is that they eat a lot of food before they lay
down for their long winter's nap. It's like they carbo load and then they go to sleep. Now, it is true, you got a carbo load, but there is a feature of the bear that often makes an appearance at the end of hibernation, and it is called the bear fecal plug. Uh, whatever you had in your brain when you heard the term bear fecal plug is probably exactly what we got going. The bear snoshes big. He snoshes his pre sleep dinner big. And then he goes big sleep. He goes hibernate.
And when he wakes up, my dude takes the fattest, grumpy you have ever seen, and the bear passes the fecal plug. The plug serves to help the bear continue to hibernate, allowing it to not have to poop as often. During this time, and for a long time, this poop plug was a mystery. Many believed the bears would load up on plant material they couldn't digest, and this would serve to plug the bung. Problem is, undigestible material usually does the opposite. See our panda friends 50
times a day. Good night. So what is this? What is this mysterious bare butt plug? Researchers out of Minnesota have identified this unidentified mass. Essentially, uh, what happens is the material in the bare fecal plug is portions of the digestive tract that slough off and build up to help create a plug. Now, this is a phenomenon that all creatures, when
they are hungry and starving, will go through. People, when they are in starvation conditions, will actually have their intestines break down to help create nutrients to help keep them alive. When these plugs have been dissected, which is a scientific job, by the way. What do you do, honey? What did you do at your science lab this week? Um, well, I rooted through some bear scoot to figure out what makes their butt plug special. Happy science, everybody.
But when these plugs are dissected, they find hair and other skin materials. And what? They put some, they put some cameras in bear dens during the time of hibernation to see what's going on here. Where's this mysterious hair coming from? And what will happen is bears will groom themselves and eat some of their hair. M m. They will lick their feet pads, and they will get, like, loose skin from their feet pads. And this goes to help form the plug.
Baron. Testines break themselves down. This, coupled with the poo at the end of the tract drying as time goes on and water and other moisture are absorbed to make it hard. And the ontake of non food material in the den. The result is the bear fecal plug. Mystery solved. Bears are neat. We love them. Big, cuddly, face ripping guys. And on this groundhog's day, we celebrate another one of God's great creatures by remembering the weird things related to
their pooping. Bear poop changes color with the season based on their diet. And with that little bit of fact that's going to bring us to the end of this Groundhogs Day celebration and to the end of this episode of Privy. Thank you all so much for being here. Follow, uh, us on social. We're at Privycast. I'm Hunter Hoover. You can follow me at owl at seven. Um, send us an email privycast@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, uh, episode suggestions,
comments, concerns, feedback, give us whatever. If you have a story to tell, let us know. We'd love to reach out to you and see if we could set up a chance to have a privy chat with you. Um, leave us a rating or review. The five star options are preferred. You can do that in Apple podcasts, uh, or Spotify, or you can do it through the podbean app. Um, and all ratings, uh, left. Generate a dollar to the wounded warriors and living water international.
And if you write a written review in Apple podcasts, we'll give a couple bucks for each of those. That is, as a thank you to you for doing that kindness to us. It helps others find the show. And as a turn of thanks, we want to give back to those causes. Thank, uh, you guys so much. Keep, uh, building this community. Share the show with a friend. Share it with three people this week. Tell them, hey, I listened to this guy talk about bear crap this
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