Dark Baths and Private Bathrooms w/ Pedro Quiroz (Privychat 41)

First, right out of the gate, what type of toilet paper to use at your house? Now, I will confess. If you look, don't just. Please don't look at my roll. This is an embarrassing byproduct of our previous episode wherein I ranked 11 toilet papers and I have to use them. And so this is the bottom, number 11, like worst toilet paper. And I was like, we're sticking it on the roll because we got to get through it. Like, dude, dog, look at how. You should just give that to Michael.

It's basically what he has in it. I'm sure the church has a slightly better quality. can see through it. Welcome back to privy privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom. I'm your host, Hunter Hoover. I love bathrooms and I'm joined this week in, in home bathroom. I always ask people whenever they come on the show, is it, is it the weirdest greeting when, when I opened the front door and say, right, well we'll head on into the bathroom.

but I'm joined by Pedro Kuros, Pedro. How are you? I'm doing a little frazzled actually this morning. It's not because of the bathroom. But I'm doing well. Yeah, pretty well this morning. I don't know how much and I always tell everybody this if there's ever anything that we talk about that you're like Yeah, we got it.

We got to cut that later editing is a wonderful wonderful thing on but you have a shirt on that says dad of three What I believe is which is true But what I think is fascinating and maybe as part of the frazzled morning is that you you guys have like twins and a young one all under three That's yeah, so you guys are busy Yeah, it's I think that's actually a part of the reason being frazzled was a many mornings I feel like I'm waking up to my son and then quickly joined by my son of two years and

then my the twins for about six months each and so then it feels like when you ever you start the morning off of like That hitting you first. think it's lot harder than if I get to wake up first and kind of yep Kind of traversing myself. So yeah, yeah, that was a little bit of this morning. Yeah, you guys get up and have the routines for sure. Yeah. Do your kids get up pretty early? Are they up all night?

Typically around, I would say seven to seven thirty, but since they've been getting over sickness, it's just one of those two where like sometimes you don't get very good sleep. So then like I'm a little bit already dozed off and I finally do. And then when I wake up, it's just like going right back into reality. But it just depends on the morning. This morning, I just felt like it was kind of going well.

then I had a couple things I had to do and at the same time you got my son trying to pull me and then of course, our twins. And so it just kind of turned into a little bit of a... they outnumber you now so that's that's part of it too. We skipped straight from one to three, so I don't get to feel out what having just twos like. What's the difference between just one and two? Oh, between one and two. Oh man. There's I mean for me. So like, hmm, that's a good question.

I think for me there was this when there's one it's it's like we got this. There's no there's no we don't have to like split labor on these kids. You know, there's not like a plan. It's well who's got it? You know, we're both doing whatever. There's two of us. But especially around bedtime with two. And I imagine it's amplified with three. is there is a clear, okay, whose mom got tonight, whose dad got tonight, you know, who's doing this?

And there's a clear division of, it's like, okay, I got him, I'm taking him over here, I will meet you with her there. And then other times, you know, it's just like, they still outnumber you, because either mom's doing something, their dad's doing something, it's like, gosh. All right, you're gonna have to be okay with this for the next hour and a half. And if you're not, It's gonna make it hard for everybody. So here we go.

yeah, but I imagine, you know, middle of the night is especially with two, cause there's like an unspoken where like I put my son back to bed and my wife puts my daughter back to bed. Consequently, my son doesn't sleep well through the night. So hooray, which he gets from me. So it actually makes more sense that I'm actually tasked with that. Cause I was a two, three time a night waker like mom. I can't go to sleep.

So my question is, it one of where you can hear him or does he come to your door? combo deal. He does this thing that I call the like football across the floor. You can hear it. I swan to John. The kid comes out of his room and he, you know how the football guys will do the drill and then they'll hit the deck. He does that across our hard floor.

G-g-g-g-g- I can't go to sleep and I'm like, well maybe it's because your heart rate just went from probably like 65, 70 to 110 because you're doing football drills in the middle of the hallway at 2 in the morning. Well, I need your help. And then no joke, this is, this may be something you have looked forward to. I don't know how your kids do going back to sleep. I put my son into bed, blanket up, good night buddy. Get back to sleep. And he's done. He's back to sleep.

I was like, you didn't need my help for this really. Like this was more of a mental process that you had to like, dad's in the room. I left immediately. He, I mean, he's not even awake. He doesn't know. I think that's exactly how it is with our kid.

It's funny because last night so he wake our kid typically most of the time my wife puts him to sleep because it's the fastest way to get him there But right now but he woke up he wakes up between an hour and two hours after fall asleep Really and he he almost always it has to be mom right now It's a process but it's funny because last night I woke up and it's one of the times you could tell he was not awake still but he was up.

Yeah, he's just staring at his wall like And then we were talking to him. Sometimes you can tell when he's alert and saying something like, mom, and you can tell he's noticing, but he was like, it sounded like he was just talking to the wall in gibberish as we were sending them back down. So we thought at first he was talking to us for like, what's like, you're still, you're like, yeah, you're like asleep. You just need one to like specifically apply more to like pat you back down.

And then he went right, right back down. Well, and I've had, I mean, I've had conversations with my son in the middle of the night, like, dad, I can't go to sleep. I was like, what's wrong? My foot hurts. Okay. Well, I don't know what you want me to do about that. Like, why does your foot hurt? I don't know. And then, you know, a minute conversation and then in the morning he'll get up. Hey bud, how's your foot feeling? Huh? How's your foot feeling? My foot's fine.

And it's like, it wasn't at two, two, three in the morning. You were like asking for kids Tylenol because your foot hurts so bad. And I told you no. No, I didn't. was like, did I dream this? and then I asked, I'm like, Ana, I don't know, I was asleep. Like, there's no evidence. I have no evidence. It's me against this kid. And he's like, no, I'm fine. I'm like, no, this can't be real. And then you start to like, on the really tired mornings, you start to question like, is this simulation?

Like, did I, did I, was I the one that woke up and he's been asleep and I had a dream? that he woke me up, or is he just, I know he doesn't do that, but is he gaslighting me? Like, no, I'm good. So this is what I've wondered. So less with my kids. My kids can't talk yet. At least not enough that I think they can really like go to that distance.

I was thinking, well, but I don't know if it's a thing or not, like me and you sharing this, but with my wife, ever since we've had kids, cause I now understand like, okay, my memory is not as strong as it was before.

It's a harder to be focused, but there's been several instances where we talk at like, and then a couple of days later I'm like, Well remember when we talked and did this and like we talked this is what we're gonna do this week and she was like I didn't say that like I don't remember ever saying that I'm just like I feel like it's the first time I started getting frustrated being like am I actually imagining going crazy or are you just like not actually remembering which is frustrating.

part is I think in the marriage context, I am more your wife. Cause Anna will, Anna will like, Hey, don't forget Thursday night, confession time when we had y'all over a month or so ago. No joke. Anna. I even remember her setting the plans up with y'all at church and texting. I remember all that. And Thursday night comes around and I'm like, Hey, I'm going to be recording with Jesse. do parable stuff with him. was like, I'm recording with Jesse on Thursday. She goes, no, you're not.

I was like, for what? What do we have Thursday? Thursday's free night. And she goes, no, we have plans. I was like, are we going out? She goes, no, Pedro and Rachel are coming over. was like, wait, that's this week? Since when? She goes, it's been on the calendar on the wall. I put it in the phone, which is shared with you. And I look, sure enough, there it is. I'm like, I didn't know that. She goes, I don't know how you didn't know. We talked about it Tuesday.

Like I told you, hey, don't forget to buy this on your way home so that way we have it for when they come over Thursday. said, yeah. I don't know. I mean, just gone. I think so what's funny is I would say actually I'm the same way with that. But when we're talking about something not about plans, right. But we're talking about like like growth goals that we have for each other or just something we noticed about each other. And we're just like talking about that.

They like those are the things that seems like I will stay focused and remember. She won't. But yeah, whenever it's like stuff, she's like, she's the one that put is the planner. I remember it. And then I'm like, oh, I know you've mentioned it three times this week and I still forgot. So Ana's fixing to go to Italy like in three days. And she has handed me a handwritten note of like my son's baseball schedule. I think it's on my phone somewhere, either in text or in calendar.

I'm confident that if it's not written on the thing, it'll probably get written on the thing in the next couple of days. And I know that there's gonna be a moment where she's gonna be in Italy with her sister and I'm gonna be, hey. Can you remind me, like text me his schedule and she's good, she'll do it. But I know, and I am confident that what goes through her brain is like, read the wall, like just read it. I've done it all for you.

And part of that is the way that I stay organized, this drives my boss nuts at the school is if it's not in a Google calendar and on my thing, I text myself. Like I just text myself. And I'll, and. I've had people look at my phone and they're like, why do you have messages from yourself? And they'll say like 14 messages to me. And I'm like, that's like me taking notes. And it's like, why don't you just put in notes? And I said, well, if I put it in the notes, I won't go look at it.

That's actually really good thing cuz I put in notes, but I have a hard time being like this gonna be a better way Cuz I don't look at my notes all the time soft to start texting. Yeah like have myself saved as like a featured person on my phone. Look at, I just like send myself links. mean, that's all I do. It's one sided conversation. Maybe instead I'll actually just send it. I'll text you and you can text it back to me.

And in the worst in the worst moments where I'm like really rushed, I'll text on no context. Like this happens a lot Sunday mornings when I meet somebody new and I'm like, I have to remember their name so I can look them up in the system and send them a thing. And I'll just text on a name out of nowhere. And she's like, what? I go, it new person. She says, OK, what do you want me to do? I said, I just want you to view it and then do nothing.

She's like, well, no. And that's like that's like half my organization system.

I email myself at work, too before I leave 315 all And send to me and then 730 next morning Bing you got an email from hunter and it's like yes, I won't forget to do this that's actually a pretty I like the method because for me, since I'm kind of really old school, but since I don't carry them, I do it with work is I just do so many Post-it notes still because that's just I know for sure reason Post-it notes mean I have to look at it.

And it's just funny because I'm just like, well, I don't do that at home because I wouldn't probably look where I put the Post-it notes. But at work, I have to be at my desk. So I will always look to the side and see where the Post-it notes stack is. I used to and I still do post-it notes. My problem is like I get like a month's worth of post.

It's like the post it wall and I because I'll deal with it I won't take it away and I'll just have the slew of post-it notes and people come into my room at the school and they're like, how do you how do you deal with this? And I said, it's just whatever on the top. And then finally, that's when I go, this is actually kind of bad. It looks like feathers. And I'm like. So that's the issue.

I think the reason why I now realize it works well for me is I dislike clutter So I know that my post notes cluttered up. So I look forward to getting rid of So it helps to take it out. Let's find when it's like someone else's I don't care But if it's my space and I have to work it out, I'm like you can keep yours however But yeah, if it's my space you got to keep it like the way I am So, I mean I'm I can be messy in other areas, but that's kind of thing I was gonna do a quick side note.

Do you remember I've been talking to a couple guys and You talked about your son and being like a like the football player kind of like that mentality I was thinking that do you remember the commercials?

I think with it was terry tate and they used to do and it was like Office like the workplace how to improve the workplace and they brought him in and he was I think a football player I don't know very much but he like someone like wouldn't do some small thing like not refilling the coffee mug and then you just see him get tackled by this guy. He says is it if if you and what does it say like I can visualize what you're saying. like refill the Joe or something like that.

He just had like catchphrases and I just remember someone reminded me of these commercials and I just remember thinking man I miss the old school commercials. They mean really good old commercials need to bring stuff. I think we're seeing a return to that. I don't want to say aggressive because I don't think it's actually, I think it's more funny than aggressive, but the like, like, hey dummy advertisement. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like, can you figure it out? think we'll get into some.

Well, that is related to that. Yeah, you also, there was something else that you, What do you do for work? just like you said at work and I just am sitting here going, I don't know what he does for work. What do you do?

It's always strange to kind of explain it because essentially I say you have I think once but it's I work at a it's an outdoors company Okay, but we distribute so basically you would think it's like a store or some kind of warehouse somewhere But really because we're so small it's out of someone's house and they have a pretty big house and a detached garage that we use as a warehouse so we essentially have Backpacking stoves and other gear related to it Would I know?

Would I have heard of this company? unlikely, because they're based out of Japan. Oh, so they're bigger in Japan and they do other things besides stoves and like torch accessories. But basically my boss who's from Japan, he kind of runs it here and we have a couple other small areas in a few other countries. So it's always strange to try and explain to people because I'm like, you probably wouldn't have seen us maybe if you ever go to an REI.

For those that know what that is, if you're in Oregon, you may especially if you're outdoors. we have like a couple products there, but they're not like. front shelf stuff. it's one of those things where I'm like, yeah, you've probably never heard of us if you're here, but, uh, yeah, it's basically like working really at a small company. Cause I technically was hired on initially to do shipping, but I do so I wear different hats every day. I kind of, so I kind of liked that.

It doesn't get boring, but at the same time it's, uh, very different, but it's true, but, uh, it's also interesting because I'm essentially, it's a very small knit group. So it's almost like you're working. Within a family so pros and cons.

Yeah is you have some great time together most of the time The my boss makes and likes to make lunch so I don't have to bring lunch and it's also he's a pretty good cook but the hard thing is Whenever there's it's actually part of the reason today I was thinking specifically it was having a little bit of Frazzleness to is trying to communicate with

him and doing something outside of work because then there's this balance to it being like personal versus professional for me too and that it can get a little Yeah, a little hard sometimes to separate the two where I think it can be more beneficial. Yeah, huh. How did you get into that? Like, how did you... Did you know them? Funny enough our last Church community we were part of.

I was in between jobs and my wife was serving in the kids ministry and one of the guys just met me for the first time and he asked me and I was very honest. like, right now I'm just in between jobs. So if you got one, I'd take a look at it he was just like, funny enough I have this perfect situation for you. Because he was actually, he helped do a tech stuff for him. He's a contractor separately.

So I met them and since then I went, I was there for a couple of years, went away and then I came back after a year. So it's, it's a, it's got great flexibility, which is a big reason I like it, especially with now having the three kids and helping my wife with that burden. So it's also a bit strange cause I don't work like I'm technically on salary, which I said I would never do because I only see people get work a lot of hours, but it's very beneficial in this situation.

Cause I like never work 40 hours. I work like, typically three at most four days a week typically in the summer. And cause we're very seasonal in many ways. And then, and then I get to just like go home. Like I said, lunch is included most days. So it's a very nice, like nice setup right now. If we ever get busier and busier, well then I'll get to be there. think more of a standard job, but right now we're still kind of building to that place. That's awesome. Wow. That's super cool.

I have to get you one of our accessories one of these days. Most people like our little torches. You're probably not a cigar smoker, but like a lot of cigar places we've noticed. Oh, like have actually ordered from us because it's like a little torch that has a strong flame to it. Okay. Yeah. No, Yeah. I'll like burn something down on accident. Or that, you'll probably just take it to youth group and do some kind of birdie.

Our youth group is so weird because like we went from having so we've been middle and high school ever since I've started just because we don't have a big chunk of one or the other and When I started we had all high school like it was it was packed out We had we had sophomore junior senior like almost no freshmen and then we graduated in three years I want to say almost 20 kids like

graduated out moved into the young adults and just moved on and then there was this weird year where we had one kid in eighth grade and he's like What's up guys and we we took it.

We're like, nope We're doing youth even if you're our youth like we're and then in the last two or three years We've seen this big influx kids that he's invited kids have come to church and now like the oldest kids in the group are freshmen And it's all like six seventh eighth graders yeah Yeah, which is encouraging because seeing that batch move up and then as well as some of my fifth grade Iwana kids starting to transition up, it's like, okay, in the next couple

years, we could be bursting at the seams here, but it's a good problem to have. I think so that was actually the I I served in youth that are uh last church community as well a couple years ago and we hit that phase where it like we have like one Like or two like junior seniors and everybody else is like sixth through eighth grade.

There was like 20 of them was like this is gonna be great and like three or four years in terms of like all the kids that are just like at that level and then we end up uh switching over now to east side, but it's interesting because yeah, like they're all grown up now So like I have hardly seen them but once in a while i'll see one just like dude you're like are you doing? What the hell? Like this small voice.

weird like Ana and I, we served at this church in Salem for I think if not as long almost as long as we've been at Eastside now and we did primarily I did Awana and I had the fourth fifth and sixth graders and then Ana did the sixth seventh eighth grade middle school group and then we helped out with youth group too but those two were like and now like that group of kids is in college and like graduating and I ran into one at Chick-fil-A in Salem and she goes, are you Hunter?

And I'm going, I'm not in the town I live. So there's two contexts under which three contexts in which this person would know who I am and I don't know who you are. So I was like, yes. She goes, it's me. And I went, oh my gosh. I said, I'm sure you have everybody tell you this, but you have grown up in like.

When I knew her, she was always like the shortest kid, you know, and then she like hit a growth spurt and was like, you know, normal height and, and she's like, yeah, I'm going to George Fox. I was like, this is wild. I was like, congrats. Uh, this is so exciting. And then I told Ana and cause she worked with her more and I was like, it was, it was a trip. Um, and then once she said it, I was like, she looks exactly like her mom.

Like, I don't know how I didn't put it together, but as soon as she said her name, I was like, okay, yeah. It sounds like it went better because I feel like it become, I've had, I think, similar experience, but then sometimes I can have the feeling like someone feels very hurt if you don't remember them. Like you looked very different like two, three years ago, if not more than now.

like, so I'm sorry if I, if I don't remember you very well, but I will once like, know sometimes like once that we kind of get going, but it's, I feel like that that's the other end. I think sometimes that I've encountered with stadium just be like, Hey, yeah. I didn't say you look exactly like your mom to her. Because I don't know. You never know how people take stuff. yeah. I don't think you well, that's different. You're their kid.

I said if I said you look like your mom I don't know a lot of context Yeah, yeah, it's you never know nowadays if people are trying that or not. so I have a bunch of questions that I ask everybody. And the other thing I'd say is if you have like a bathroom story and it can come up as we go through the questions, sometimes people are like, actually, yeah, I have one based like that reminds me of this. Feel free to stop me anytime. Say, hey, I actually have something to talk about there.

And you know, if you want to throw Michael Wall, former former guest on the show under the bus, that's fine. Michael is an oversharer. I learned one month into knowing him and I think it's yeah. I think I would agree but he didn't seem to share as much when I listened to his podcast on his own. seemed like he was stepping into the shallow water first before.

So part of that, part of Michael's reservation on that episode was I caught him like as he got off work from the school and I trapped him in a school bathroom. We're like at work. Not on the job, but at where we work. And you could tell like he he keeps like checking the door. was like, nobody's coming in, Michael. It's summer. You're the only person with a key to this room. Well, and I'm like, it's fine.

I already talked to one of the principals, he's not there anymore, so it doesn't really matter. He doesn't care. Like, two out of the, three out of the four principals that I have right now know that I do this, and I like recorded there in November. I didn't get permission for that. Forgiveness. Sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness and permission. and it's just like, well, you know, and there were in it was during the school year. So here we are.

So, I've got a bunch of questions that I ask everybody. So and if and if you like I said a lot of times if you share something, it's like, my wife would be mad if I said that actually we're going to back it out. And yeah. I don't know. I that's one of those where I probably yeah, you're right I wouldn't think about it, as well as we're like if my wife listens to it It'd be interesting to hear. Yeah, I mean either way she knows who she's married to at this point You were coming to do this too.

Yeah, I had one guy I was like your wife know where you're at right now. He goes no. No. Yeah, She thinks I'm she thinks I went like to hang out. I was like, well, we're hanging out he goes Yeah, but I didn't share the part.

We're like We're recording about this Well, it's I did I do realize the answer like part of reason why I was wondering to have my wife with me here first is some of those bathroom stories include her so I feel like that's one of the things I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll have to hold off on sharing about them because she needs to be here to at least say her part to them because otherwise I feel

like it's one of those that aside from the idea that I don't know how she would she would take it I think more so I want to see how she'll react and or talk about them in this context. Yeah do a follow up sometime in the future and get her on and she can give her defense. Yeah, because I'm really interested to know like, heard it, but I imagine Kimberly, Michael's wife seemed to be much more open and expressive about things.

I imagine he was shaking his head half the time or trying to refute or kind of interject on some of the what I found? I've had admittedly many more men on the show than women. Part of that is the nature of like, we're in a bathroom. But the ladies that have said, yeah, I'll go on the show. They're way more like. And I think part of it is women just deal with more in the bathroom than guys do. Just certifiably. I can just from being married, from being a janitor. That's just facts.

And I think they're like, whoa, the stuff that for a guy is like, I I'm not gonna talk about that. Like, nah, those don't exist. not, women are like, yeah. Yeah, right sometimes. nowadays, guess maybe it could be changed more but I like in my mind, right?

The thought is guys are more gonna be more open about all this stuff They do especially when it's guy on guy talking versus women who are right unless they're looking for the opportunity just almost I think if women can get past the barrier of, I'm being recorded about what goes on in the bathroom, it's really open season. Like I have learned a lot. It's, you know, there's only been a handful, but those were like, huh? Like, wait, still, Ana's been on like four times.

She goes on everything every Valentine's day. And every time I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? And then it's like, yeah, dummy. It's like, what do you think? And it's like, And every time, like this last time, I haven't had to scrub poop. here's a question for you. We're going to phrase it in a question and I'll explain. So one of your kids has a blowout, diaper blowout, and you got yellow poopy in the the clothing, whether it's the pants or the onesie or whatever.

What are you doing to deal with that? Are you talking about if we keep it on? No, no, no. But like, how do you what do you do to clean that? Or are you like, are you tossing it? You just say, no, we're done. This is. mean well for I don't know we haven't taken our kids to enough at least public spaces I think where that's at least I can recall happened to me and then be like, what do we do? How fortunate? It's so far only happened at home or at someone else's home.

Yeah, then we treat it like a ticking time bomb It was like lift them up and it's just like like make sure make sure like almost like red carpet it make sure nothing drips on anything like carrying him to To the bathroom and then deal with it there. What happened once during this? I think it might've been the Super Bowl, not this one with the blaster with our son.

And we were wondering, like, I remember thinking once, like, I thought it was a stain from food because there was, and then I realized after like a couple minutes, it's on his hand and he had already touched a piece of furniture. It was not our place. And fortunately though, it's his baby's there. So it wasn't like that awkward, but we like bull rushed him to the bathroom and had to deal with all of it there.

But that's, that's kind of, think, like I haven't thought about what's going to happen if we do that for at the store and. Cause we rarely go to the store with like all of our kids at most, even now typically one of us watches the kids and one of us goes, cause we're not wanting to take that on yet. Yeah. Well, I remember, I mean, there was times where we would just, you know, one of the kids would have a blowout and on is like, swing around. I'm running into Target.

We're buying a fresh pair of pants. Like we're just we don't have time to go back home. We got to get it done. Like we're on a road trip. It's, know, Walmarts are wonderful because, you can get kids clothes for like three bucks. And it's like, yep, these are gone. New pants. Here you go, bud. When our kid is out of diapers, cause he could, haven't pushed him enough yet, but I know Jethro would totally be, I think, able to take that on.

I'll be interested because actually that I haven't thought about like what happens when there's incidents. Typically my wife is prepared enough to be like, we have all these things that we can do, change clothes. I always forget. One day it'll be me. That's like, I did not bring anything. And now I have to figure out if I'm just going to wrap you up in a towel probably and just like throw yourself. You get it done.

So I asked that question because for, I mean, two kids, they're both, praise God, out of diapers. Those are the dark ages for me. When they would have this mess happen, I was scrubbing it out in the sink. Which apparently makes me a barbarian because you're supposed to scrub it out in the toilet. Nobody gave me that information ever. I come up with like cloth diapers. Yeah, just like because why would you have to what would you do off the clothes?

Like if it's got like a poopy on it, you just just get it out. And I'm like, yeah, hot water run it down the sink out of sight, out of mind. And Ana's like, no, you in the toilet where the poop goes. And I'm like, well, it's gone now. She goes, it's probably stuck in the bend. And I'm like, no, it's mostly liquid. It's fine. No idea. Again, two kids. I found this out two months ago that that was a thing that I was supposed to have done. And I'm like, well, I can assure you I didn't.

I'll confess at first, especially cause the first time I listened to your podcast, like when I first met you, I think I went straight to it and listen to it. I was a bit like, what the heck is this guy talking about waffle stumps, which I'd never even heard of, which I know for anybody who's listened before, like they already know what that is. you know, I think to myself now I'm like, that seems at first strange cause my wife just carries a few plastic bags.

So we'll just like, if it's even got poop, we're just gonna throw it in and deal with it when we get home. But. I remember when I was a kid in, in emergencies, think most of them, like I remember just, know, taking a, taking a whiz in the sink. If our toilet, like if someone was in there locked, taking a bath, and I was just like, what else do I got? I'm like, and I don't want to go outside cause we lived like more of an open space. So I'm like, Oh, someone just drives by.

So I remember like doing that. like, it's not much different than that. When you think about just cleaning out, I like put my knees on the counter and just try to balance myself and hope that didn't be a fit. would be the I think I did the kitchen specifically. think it was the kitchen. No way. Yeah, I think if I i'm it's been a while very little and even if she did She might know actually enough of what we're talking about to have an idea.

Otherwise, I feel like she's still it would still go over her head She mostly speaks spanish still but she understands English Hey, I can do a lot with AI translation in Nojkina. It's true. Fortunately, she doesn't really know. She doesn't know what podcasts are, pretty sure. You know, that sentence, they don't really know what podcasts are. I have spent the bulk of the last five to six years of my life explaining that to people primarily over the age of 40 to 50.

Those over 40 to 50 out there that I've explained that to that are listening now, I love y'all. You're welcome. And I'm glad you're here. It's the majority of our church community. Another reason why this podcast is flown primarily under the radar every now and then I'll get a youth parent that's like so You do a podcast is like well, technically I do more than one But I assume you're talking about the one about the bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah, and I'm like I do a Bible one Did you happen to look into that? no, and I'm like, okay So you're just looking for the trouble not for the you know, and like well, did you learn anything? yeah, but I'm just don't understand why and I'm Because you learn something. I don't know. It's interesting. I have undiagnosed ADHD and I've probably got a similar problem than Michael. it's, you know, we're undiagnosed, but we're pretty sure. And it's like, this has been my dude.

I have a notes app thing where I just like take notes. And I'll do a topic and I'll like, okay, take it off. And then while I'm doing the topic, I learned three things. I was like, oh, put it in, put it in. And the list is probably 40, 50 things long, which is like over a year's worth of just, and that's if I don't discover anything or if people don't do anything stupid in the news, which people are getting Delta flights canceled left and right.

Cause they like diarrhea, the bathroom too bad and it has to turn around. That's like a thing that happens. It's a phenomenon. recent phenomenon. I was like, this is crazy. yeah, so you knew about the cleaning the kids' pants. First, right out of the gate, what type of toilet paper do you use at your house? Now, I will confess, if you look, don't just... Please don't look at my roll.

This is an embarrassing byproduct of our previous episode wherein I ranked 11 toilet papers and I have to use them. And so this is the bottom, number 11, like worst toilet paper. And I was like, we're sticking it on the roll because we got to get through it. Like, dude, dog, look at how... This is what the church used to have. I to give him you treated. I'm sure the church has a slightly better quality Yeah, that's like the joseph dennis playa my question is where'd get that one from?

I bought it at Walmart. It's Scott 1000 to totally drag Scott brand. Y'all's toilet paper is trash, which is where a majority of it ended up during my ranking. But what type of toilet paper do y'all use? Well, the I mentioned, you where this ranked in yours, and I'm you had it. We do. We have Charmin. I believe it's the ultra soft. It's one we use. think it's the blue one. OK. And if it's not there, we'll do the red, which is, think, is strong.

But I also realized what a couple of years ago, when did they start doing the it's not like straight square tiles. It's got the weight. Yeah. So I don't know if that does much to it, but I feel like it's something that I realize now. Well, I get used to. I can tell you it does. Charmin was number one. is, the bag Charmin. Yep, yeah, it is the best. That tear is, it's perfect. I mean, like this, you don't want that. This is nonsense. You don't want the little tails, it drives me nuts.

The Charmin, it just like pops away. So yeah, it was the best. And the thing is, is I learned a lot about myself is that like, I normally I have Kirkland, like Costco brand. I was like, at first I was like, come on, come on Kirkland. Let's, let's, and it's like, didn't, it was like number four or five. And I'm like, it's okay. You can wipe with fourth place. It's fine. Like I'm, I refuse to change my parents by Charmin and it's nice. Cause it's a treat.

It's you go over and it's like, yeah, this is premium. Like this is good paper. weird for the sales because then it's the same prices. If you find Michael going to your house to go to the bathroom more often, I think you need to call him out on that. Because I know what he buys and it is not Charmin. No, and I remember once I think he did use our bathroom, which I've never seen that left any strange way after he leaves.

So I think he's uh, he does it all normal, but he I remember he did talk about how nice our toilet paper was and that's where yeah, I remember after using his bathroom once I was like, yeah, I'm I'm like next to like buying a good bed. You're to spend hours of your life, right? And that makes a big difference.

I'm like, I'm like, I have like when I come out of a public bathroom, which I really use, but like, or people's that have like single ply I'm like, that messes me up for like at least the next hour. So I'm like, why wouldn't I do something that's going to make my life a lot better, right? If it's going to affect my life that often. If before you leave you need to use it, my kids bathroom does not have this because I do not trust my kids to operate on such a thin ply.

yeah, that's asking for trouble, it? Especially if they were going to touch your face right after probably. Yeah, did you wash your hands? Yeah, weird. heard the flush and then immediately you run down the hallway. did you your hands under the water on your way by? now this is this is the danger move. I have my especially my son, he is the culprit. We buy like kind of fufu smelly soaps because you can tell they wash their hands and it's like you wash hands. Yeah, let me smell it.

And there's times where it's like, I'm rolling the dice, because if he didn't, I'm getting ready to smell poo finger. That is a very great idea, technique, whatever thing to do. I got to embrace. I remember last the time we had dinner with you guys. Yeah, I remember you had a seven hours. Oh, that's different. You told me kind of. smelly soap. You can usually smell like, alright, yeah, I think he did it. Do y'all fold your toilet paper over under? over, which drives me crazy.

Cause I realized when I go visit my mom, how it's always under. And I remember being a kid and that was always the way that was always the case. And I just remember being like, why, why would you ever, I guess maybe someone has explained it better, but I keep thinking like over you just, it's easy. You cut it. It doesn't do some weird stuff to me, but under feels like it's so much more. the snap on this is, mean, I got that, but yeah, my wife isn't over. She, she has to, it has to go.

I'm really agnostic on the point. I'm convinced that as long as it gets on the roll, is a success. but do you, do you have a reason like that? It just looks better. Is that kind of it or. I don't think over time, I don't know when I've probably when I finally got out of the house and got my own apartment. So I had that I started noticing that I just for convenience, it just seemed like like any like you just start noticing.

Yeah, I feel like it's funny once you once you start at least for me once they're getting older things, you just start noticing it's like this is a lot more inconvenient or just now I want to like this is the way so yeah, we've just done that. I think my wife and I can't remember my wife ever did that, but I'm sure we probably had a mini argument or something about it early on in her marriage if she ever did it the other way and I was like why yeah You know what I find? You know what I find?

I find that over people are more passionate and like convinced that most people that are under they're just like, okay, sure. I mean, I can swap. See, that's the thing is I am I normally refuse. We actually had a conversation about throwing this out. Just like the whole four pack. use it for like nose. mean, not great, but that and it was awful. Like that was part of what I put it through. I put it through some untraditional paces. How about the one thing I imagine I haven't done this before?

I'm sure single play is amazing for TP in someone's house though. tested in my hallway just how it throws in the arc. actually didn't throw bad. But the other thing is the roll is heavier because it's got so many iterations around one. Their whole thing is like, yeah, we've got 1,000 squares on a roll. It's like, yeah, but one of these squares is like a fifth of Charmin's square. Yeah, I don't know. Their math is ridiculous. Charmin was not the softest. Quilted Northern. I really I was baffled.

I try it was it was so soft that it began to be like this is questionable about like how good of a job I'm gonna be able to do Is it almost feeling like you're using a towel without whatever traction I feel like a towel might give you? Cause I feel like what's, what's so soft that it just doesn't feel like it's doing. Yeah. Sure. You do need a balance though. I'll to find it myself. I'll let you feel my toilet paper before you go. Hey, you wanna come over and feel my toilet paper?

good thing we're in the bathroom already, it would just be very strange probably looking at this as like good night. What what goes on in here? How many rolls do you need? This is not normally like this. is storing it after. Oh, no, no, it behind the door in this closet, there's boxes in bags. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's. Those covid toilet paper buyers right now.

Stories for different time I said the story I was thinking of short story is so I've ever I think only read used the bathroom once at My neighbors with Michael and Kimberly wall and they and I remember I I used their paper and it was like I remember it was like well I think it was like the single Ashley I was like some kind of single play stuff or whatever and I remember thinking

I would think they would have better toilet paper and I and their toilet paper is also in a weird spot when you get it from like the thing it stands on and then I come back and that's when I was told after the fact uh and at telling asking them about the toilet paper they're like well actually if you notice like the the nicer toilet paper I don't know why

they have two different kinds is like at a weird angle and up somewhere and I was like oh well that would have saved me a lot of trouble so they do have I think that's where they're they keep their interest but for some reason I can't remember why they had really got like the deluxe role and the guest role. At that day they did. Yeah, that's why I was like, I see how you guys treat your guests. You don't want them to come back. Swap out the paper to feed. No, that's funny.

do you do you use bar soap or liquid soap? both really? Yeah, I feel like when i'm really wanting to feel really clean i'll use like like men's like like like the very specific soap in a bottle and yeah, make give myself bit of a certain smell but I would say more often we use like a dove like a white bar. So yep Yeah, yeah, so and i'll be honest there i'm This is my lady said most time I'll do a quick run over with the bar on myself because I'm like, who else is going to use this?

And anyways, it's sanitary already, right? cause as far as I only my family uses, uses our soap and then, sneaking in He'll hear this and do it now. Like that's who he is. He'll be like, I have to make it true. But that's most of what I do, but I was gonna say sometimes I'll use the Lufa. Oh, Lufa. My wife uses this weird little, almost like a sock it looks like that you can put your hand in and rub it. It's like a mitt. What are these? she grew up using actual old school sponges too.

I was like, no, I'll just use. Yeah, yeah. Oh, are you a watch lock? yeah. I like that stays enough soap for me to like do one full of my- it. Like if I get to where I'm going, I'll re-soap it. So with the bar soap, have you ever carved a message to anybody in it or had anybody leave you one? That's a great idea. Yeah. I don't think my wife would notice anymore if I did that though. I think she just not think about it while she picks it up. That would have been great though.

I had one of the young adults, they're like, yeah, I used to carve messages to my siblings and I don't know if they ever got them. I was like, wait a minute, your brother was on the show like three months ago and I didn't ask him. And then it became a thing. was like, do people do this? And a couple have said, Shave it into shapes. you ever? ...fog up and then do the on the mirror in your bathroom throwing some... I I did. So I was an only child. Still am.

And so it was like writing messages to yourself, you know what saying? It's like, wait a minute, like who's reading this unless mom goes to clean the glass and then it's like jokes on me. Yeah, no, I, I should do that now. I'll leave Anna like. think that'd be a great one, like. She showers in like room temperature water, I feel like. I like it hot. It has to burn me. I like really hot baths, but I cannot do wall steaming showers. My wife never turns cold on at all. I need, I do about halfway.

no, no, no, no. It's almost fully cranked. just, cause ours is the like the spectrum. so you answered my next question. How do you feel about baths?

I I'm a big lever and like I find it very healing for myself plus a lot of times when I'm sick I love to sweat it out or like just to get into like I like to get it through and then I am a little bit I will say compared to most men I've met all the words I would say I'm kind of in certain areas, but I do realize I I'm kind of a product of the way mom was very OCD cleanly. Yeah I don't think baths are feminine.

think... I don't know how many men take them, guess you've got a lot more that you've had on this show, bro. I have had a few. I think it's a time thing. Do you know what I mean? Where like, and for me it's the human soup of it. Like I can't get past that. You don't you take a shower after that's what I do if I bath I have to wait. I always have to shower after Dude, you shower after, huh?

Because I've had people... I don't like the feeling of knowing that there's like a bunch of gur-gungs, especially not with kids in the bathroom. Yeah, don't trust that. The human soup is too much for me. Even hot tubs, like I don't like hot tubs. Yeah, don't like them. I don't like public pools, dude. Like give me a lake and I understand this is the logic is stupid. It's more natural. The fish poo, everything, pees and poops in the lake.

I would much rather like swim in a creek or like get my feet wet in a pond or like public pools are so gross to me. Is it because it feels more contained? if, know, like some much bigger space too. maybe it feels like diluted at least. Just feels like, you know, yes, I understand they have like cleaning methods. I feel like it's diminishing returns. you know, you perfect. If I'm going swimming, it's like, let's try to get there when they open.

When we're when we're at peak chlorination, minimal poo matter that has because and to sorry, listen, if this is too much, nobody ever gets it all off. Like when they wipe, there's always some like might be, unless you're wiping until you're bleeding, there's always some, which some people are like, yeah, no, I wiped till I see red. Well, i'll be honest. I wipe i'm also I wipe a lot compared to and I've had this conversation with my wife too on just like oh no What what is it like for you?

Once again, i'll save it for her. But basically I I wipe very differently My method is very like make sure everything's done and she's like, how do you need that much? And I think of uh, don't know if you ever watch barks and racks Parker's I don't know if you ever saw any outtakes from uh, oh, yeah, andy dwyer. Uh, that's who plays him and one of his jokes is he's in front of dodger. He's just like Pretending to keep coming up with random issues. He's like is there an issue with me?

Cause like, I'll just keep wiping and wiping. And when I think there should be more, there's just, I just keep wiping and wiping and wiping. And I was just thinking that's exactly how it's like for me. I feel like I'm like, I don't know why that's the case, but my wife's like, I feel like she's in and out the bathroom quick. I'm the one that takes longer. And I think that's a part of the issue. And she's like, well, what do you need? I'm just like, are you like Tommy?

Your body is just like that. clean through like even everything. Because for me, I'm like, maybe it's just, need to change my diet or something within my body's kind of. I think everybody's just different. Yeah. I mean, there's probably the scary answer that is any time like it's like, why is it always this soft? Because I've had people say, like, I shouldn't be, you you should have like log. And I'm going, no, I don't. And Michael is actually the one he goes, you need to go get checked out.

You're probably sick. And I was like, no, I'm not, Michael. He goes, it shouldn't be like that. It shouldn't be like that. I was like, what do you know? What do you know, Michael? He goes, it shouldn't be that way. say, it just has always. You've a lot of different kinds of poops because i'm sure a lot of kids having flush when he's had to go to bathrooms Yeah, well the benefit of having a radio at the high school is I will hear the janitor call when it goes out.

like, hey, we got a clogged toilet in building two. And this just before spring break, that call went out and I looked at one of the aides and I was like, can you hold the room for like two minutes? She's like, yeah, boom, sprint out of bathroom. I run over there and get a picture of it before it's all like dealt with. And as I'm coming out, the custodian's coming in and I'm like. She thinks I did this, but whoops, well, I got the picture. I got photo evidence.

And that one was a disturbing sight because it was a boy's bathroom. And there was, I don't know where the blood came from, but there was blood. I was like, gosh, this is, this can't be. I rarely, like I said, I rarely use public bathrooms. This includes when I used to be, when I was in high school and I just kept thinking, yeah, imagine what you come across if you use it all the time. That's part of my thing. do you.

Well, so yeah, I'm not big on public bathroom for at least for going poo because ever since I've been a kid that I can remember, I've had this like issue. feeling comfortable and feeling it's a weird way to kind of use the word safe, I guess, but at least maybe like trust what's around me and like be able to go and just sit there and do that. It's kind like my bath process. When I do things, I like to like just be able to relax.

And I've learned as I've gotten older, if I know you all of your time, which you have been that very specific circle, we're talking about like my wife and my sister were like the only people over the course of my time that if they're at home and in the room.

I could go to the bathroom like that, but I'd always wait till nighttime or till the house is empty, which means I can't, I've only ever had to do do it in the public bathroom because it's so bad once or twice to the point that I'll, I've, I'll hit that line of being like, I'm about to crap myself. That's, that's basically means that it's just a easy, let it go. If I get to the public bathroom and sometimes even have my body will resist like, So even growing up, you like hold it all day.

Yeah. Uh, my records are pretty long and most of time I, even now, like I go, I would say I go and do it like more daily, but especially when we had a household people, I probably go to the bathroom every two to three days. mean, I do being wasn't. And I know like doctors from reading all this, they say like, unless you're going three to five days without, you don't really have anything to worry about. truly, truly. If I go more than six to 10 hours without, I get concerned.

Like I start tracing back in my brain. Like, what did I eat? dude, I went to the bathroom 15 minutes before you showed up. okay. And that was my third round for the day. That's amazing to me. See, I, my wife is the same where she's like, think she, think she's more regular. think that's what regular is. I guess I never really thought about her, ask that question until that's true. But I was thinking for me, I was just like, I don't know, man, like once a day is good enough. If not two or three.

And I remember the first time my friend, similar to you, he's a bigger guy. He's like, dude, you kidding me? Like I go like two to four times a day. And I was just like, Oh, well that sounds excessive to me, but if that no. Four to six a day. Really? sure. Yeah, like I said, I've gone three so far today. Well, I see it as maybe an investment then like I'll take all my time in the bathroom once every couple of days. Cause I'll be there for a while when I do it. And you just dice it over.

It's like a three to five minute situation too. Like it's, you know, in done, get out and, not everybody's the same. Like, you know, there's yeah, that I don't think you have anything. I think regular is. We'll see. mean, I'll see if I have cancer or something as I get older from all the time. So if I just have incontinence, but it's on my gets at like 40.

Yeah, you know, I know that one day in my future there's the colonoscopy s episode and I know And I know what and I know what I have to do I just don't know if I have the courage to do it because I recorded the vasectomy sort of Doctor whatever you are if you're listening It was all fabricated. You don't you weren't actually recorded. but that one's like Don't know if I'm ready to to take that. like, yeah. I've got a colonoscopy in a box in the closet that, if anything.

should at least have like your wife be there and do a play-by-play on the side so that you can incorporate that with something later Don't let anybody back to the vasectomy anymore. Hey, you said for that one, but for colonoscopy, think they may. If not, need you to bring in a nurse and ask the nurse to do a I went in pre, like the pre screening for the snip, my doctor goes, do you have any questions?

And I said, and he had a nurse like in training, like she was observing him and she's a student. You know, there's this like 23, 24 year old girl and I'm going, well, I don't go to the doctor unless I'm dying or I have scheduled stuff and I have questions I have to ask you for personal reasons. So here we go. I, so I start the vasectomy conversation. He's like, ah, get you in with the urologist. And I was like, okay, follow up question. Can I record it? And this girl's face.

I mean, she went, she just turned into like, who is this monster? I imagine most people would be very straight read it out by without I I can't speak for the urologist. You have to ask him. I said, okay. He's like, do you have any other questions? I was like, yeah, actually I do. If I pee on a pregnancy test and it comes out positive, does that mean I have a hernia? And you can tell that this doctor is like, I hate the internet.

Like you can tell he's just triggered that the internet and the girl, she just does this like it hand in face and I'm going. And he's like, well, did you pee on a pregnancy test? And now I'm like, well, yes. He goes, was it positive? I was like, no. He goes, OK, that's good. Because if men pee on pregnancy tests and it's positive, we do surgery. And I was like, for what? And he goes, testicular cancer is like a 50 % likelihood.

Can we be less invasive and first check with the company about can we these pregnancy tests? Apparently, you've, that's a thing. I did not know that, but yeah, this student is just like, I don't know if I want to be in the medical field anymore. She did not sign up for me. Do you have any bathroom pet peeves, things other than using it in public or in public spaces? Using it in public makes it seem like you're like squatting on the side of the road.

Yes, true, which also is funny because I never realized public bathrooms. It took me years before I realized what the yeah what the what the hold up was No, no, no actually what even what liners were like I didn't realize that's what they were This is also being a first generation fake like a first generation person is just being like I don't know what what's conventional because my parents didn't really tell me because they don't have that I think where they grew up mostly so Really?

Yeah, I'm just supposed to come out and they're supposed to be shaped like it. I mean I haven't used backwards all the time like that's what people tell me they're Use like the entire roll of single ply to line your toilet seat. That's what I... Yeah, my thing is like if the seat is so bad, I just take a big fistful of toilet paper and just wipe the whole thing down. Boom, flush. And then it's like we're doing a full reset before I jump in here. I yeah, the liners are that's interesting.

But yeah, do you have any pet? really. I think the only one that I've had is when you is what is that? At home is it they're all going to be at home. That's my main experience.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna think was uh Now I think if I have a guest And I realized we never have to use like candles But I remember growing up like I don't feel like mine are that bad and I don't go that often or when people are going to use a referee People that do like if you don't have the conventional wisdom to at least ask like if you know you're just bad I guess we're so laid back that I expect people to be okay being like

have a candle or something that we can use or just joke about it or two. The other one is if someone goes to the bathroom and this has happened once again, I'll play for my wife to be here because she might say otherwise and there's still like a drop on the seat somewhere and I'm just like, I did not use the bathroom last and I'm like, and there is still like it was not fully cleaned or I don't know if you noticed that there's a little bit of something.

I don't know what it's like to be a woman, but I will say like I, I still expect, think the same. level of You are back and... Is this Well, experience here and so I was a janitor for 10 years too and So the the debate of like toilet seat up toilet seat down. I think it's for me. It's a moot point. It's just like Guys, just put the toilet seat down like it's fine.

I understand the logic like well It's just as easy to lift it and most women's argument is yeah, but the seats gross and then I have to touch it and I'm like valid But if I if I spray and hit the edge or like get a little bit on the back because things happen. Things get a little out of hand sometimes. It shouldn't. I feel like age 14 is like if you don't have it square by now, it's time to keep all the way to the ankle every time.

Like that's, know, and you're going to be the butt cheek guy when you go in the bathroom. It's like, OK, you didn't learn this yet. Perfect. Moving on. Yeah, he's got to drop it all. don't get all I remember when kids would do that when I was kids like who taught what is this? Like I just never yeah, my kids gonna be one of those kids. I bet you know with you, not with you being so like, we're gonna try conscience.

Like, no, I never, I never really like sat Silas down and said like, here's sent sent. This is how you do it. He just is like, I think public school helps this a little bit too, but he's like, you know, he does it exactly like I've seen every guy do it when they go like it's yes. How did you figure it out? I don't know. It's just what feels right. It's like, yep.

The people I have seen grown adults, like 20, 30, 40 year old all the way to the ankle and it is I swear Albany Costco I went into use the bathroom and there was a guy older than me total butt just all the way down and I'm like you gotta now bend over to get it and where's your face going when you bend over you're also Too comfortable man, how do you become that comfortable or just not This guy obviously didn't live in a dorm.

oh, 100 % chance if that guy lived in a dorm, somebody's getting toilet paper with peanut butter and just slapping your butt so you get like, you know that's coming. you're get some. Or you're going to get a hot dog in your pants just like, it's like, ooh. Yeah. Bible school's wild. What establishment? But yes, dude, the seat, if the argument is, It's gross, I don't wanna touch it. Women make sometimes a bigger mess than the guys. It is facts. Ask any janitor.

They're like, yeah, women's room is bad. I don't know what's going on in there. And I've asked, and I don't think this is what's happening in every case, but there are some women that are afraid to touch the seat. Fair point. Their option then is to hover. They like, I don't know, cast a spell on themselves to where they can like straddle and hover, not touch and go. And I'm like, okay, this explains every women's room toilet that's completely destroyed that I've had to clean.

Don't ladies don't hover. right. Yeah, people might I've been sure to talk to more people be like Are you just don't really notice or care to clean? It's your own stuff, right afterwards if it's on the seat or are you like Sickened by it that you don't really want to touch her. Just yeah, basically you're just like well selling it down the river and it's like well now you got to do it Yeah, that's that's I mean, that's I guess mom was like, I various to you.

So I got very taught like it's I've been surprised even especially amongst other men how much I'm just like, dude, don't you like clean up a little bit after yourself or like a little bit of like extra sanitation? it's I told, when I, Silas is doing this, cause little boys make a terrible, terrible mess. It's part of being a little boy. And I told him, said, son, this will happen.

This will happen for, even as an adult, you will have a moment where you're just like, you you didn't get your pants just right and it's hanging a little right. And I said, this is going to happen the rest of your life. Your goal from now until the day you die or the day that someone's taking care of you or whatever. is to never have anybody interact with this. Like, nobody else gets to interact with your pee. It's only you.

So if you miss, it's annoying and it's no big deal as long as you wipe it all up. When I come in or when your mom comes in or your sister comes in, there should be no evidence that you missed, ever. As far as I'm concerned, you never miss. Okay. What eating establishment does you the dirtiest? Is anything foul you up when you eat it? set you back a day on the bathroom. That's a good question.

haven't, I guess I haven't thought as much after I've gone somewhere or had maybe I've had a couple, I've had an experience or two, think whenever I've just had a burger here in there, I think is the most, but I can't think of anything specific where it's really, really messed me up. To be honest, the only time is if I get some spicy somewhere I know that's gonna hit later. I used to have been a lot more when I was younger because mom would always throw some spiciness in there.

But now that I'm married to someone who doesn't really. make any spicy food and I don't really make spicy food. I'm like, it's kind of, think a lot easier for me. It's rare that I have to go and I'm just like, oh man, this is the first time in like a couple months I ate some Flamin' Hot like Cheetos, like double Flamin' Hot. I was like, that's the furthest it gets. I'm like, something hit me, but how about yours? Have you actually had an experience on one of the places here in town or something?

Applebee's, Panda Express. mean, I can make a list. Applebee's, if I get chicken wings at Applebee's, it's a graph, dude. It's really if I chicken wings at 9 p.m. 2 a.m. with 100 % accuracy. I'm up at 2 a.m. with a stomach ache and it takes an hour to get to the bathroom and get it done. like and I've got like, yeah, Applebee's like we'll go out with the young adults after you know, sometimes and they're like, let's go to Applebee's.

And they have, half of them have kind of been on the show at some point and half of them have listened and they're like, wings. I was like, yeah. And they're like, you know, you know what it does, right? And I was like, yep. It's the best deal here. What, what am I going to do? Order a full price meal? Not likely. Every time. Every time Applebee's wings it, they're delicious, but they, they foul me up. I don't even get anything spicy. You get honey barbecue. Like a, like a white dad.

What does it say about their wings? I'm not sure. I haven't had that happen at another. I don't get wings so often, but the place I I love wings dude if you're get wings in Albany go to Wingstop I've heard that is a great, is that the new play, the one that, that's the one that my friends. get 20 wings and a large fry for like 16 bucks. It's like better. Okay, the only place I've ever, I mean, I rarely go is like Buffalo Wild Wings. My wife and I used to make the track.

It stops better and it's cheaper. that out tonight. maybe I'll plan on it for tomorrow. I talk about wings, I want them. that's it's a pizza and wings. I am I am destined to be in youth ministry because it's like, pizza. Sure. Like we had pizza four times this week. Yeah, I'm still ordering it for the teens. That's dinner and lunch tomorrow. Like. My buddy can't take that many hits of something now. I can probably do two days in a row, but three starts really pushing it on my body.

My thing is, is as long as I only have two slices. If I limit myself to one to two slices per outing, we're good. It's when I start to dip into the three, four slice where it's like, yeah, I've been here for two hours. I better have a third slice before I go. Yeah, that's when we start to get the tummy rumbles. Have you ever taken a dark shower? Is that what the light offers? There's something else behind it. yeah. You no. shit.

We might be going down the terrible track here, but this sounds like it could be problematic. No, I Definitely have to dark shirt, especially actually I like taking my baths in dark. I don't like the Okay. Yeah. Any. Okay. Follow up questions, Glor. Do you have like a candle or anything for the bath during or is it like pitch black? It's pretty dark. We do have like a little like string lights that we have in a little jar. So there's a bit of light in the, in the corner of the room.

But once when I do remember I'll throw a candle in here and there, especially my wife tries to do it as a way to like, Romney would be like, if you're going to do it, go all the way and just enjoy it. And I try to remember, but what's funny with a candle is I do want it depends how much I want to, if I'm just wanting to enjoy the bath and just edge, like to me, the point of like feeling like I'm starting to sweat and then I, then I'm good. No candle bluffs.

And when I have a candle, even it's really small, I feel like I just start sweating bullets and it just heats up the room like crazy. And I don't know if that's the case with just the mental thing or if that's true. I think, I think, and this is, this is gonna be a wild statement, but as I'm sitting here processing what you've said, the dark bath is, is almost the wildest thing I've ever heard.

And I'm going to explain why for me, a dark shower, which I is almost a hundred percent of the time I'm taking a dark shower, including this morning. there's a sound component to a shower that even though the lights off, it alerts those that might be in the house or otherwise. There's something going on in that room. There's a shower happening. If I'm in the bath, dude, there's no, what's, there's no noise. Yeah, it's very quiet. And it's dark. Dude, you could scare the life out of somebody.

mean, I almost I almost want to call your wife Sunday. I'm probably going to ask her, hey, has Pedro ever scared you terribly taking a dark bath? And he and you walk in and he's like, hey, babe, you know, it's like, why are you there? And the lights are off unless she knows you do it. like. There might be only once where I remember I don't know if she was like scared but I think she was bit surprised because I most of time I only take baths when either Everybody's gone.

It's part of like the relaxing routine or at night and I'm one of those people those rare people I don't know that part of the reason why I like doing dark bath is I'll fall asleep and take a nap in the bath dude You're gonna drown and we so you're like mom would tell me the same thing when I was a kid she was always saying I was gonna drown like one I'm like, I remember once here in this when I was like a teenager I was like your body's Like your body's not that stupid.

If you hold your breath, you don't die. And that's first time I ever heard that I'm like ill ill, you'll go under, but then you'll like not, not in the bath. If you're just doing it like walking around, it's like, and then you'll just, you know, eventually wake back up. And I was like, okay, I'm not doing that in the bath, but like, if I start going under, I imagine I'm going to realize I'm drowning unless I took cough, like unless I took some kind of medication.

So I'm like, so I'm like, yeah, I might waterboard, like get water board for a But I've never sunk underneath plus baths aren't that, I mean, ours is a bigger bath, but yeah. Like I've never, never sunk underneath. I don't fit in it like this is I don't fit in it. I honestly just you know, gosh, my back is brutal and she goes just take a bath. It helps. It's like there's not a chance that me getting It's like a tub. sturdy. It's got the jet like jets.

We bought it partially because it had that component. I might have to release a Anna's cut for this episode where she doesn't hear you say that. Because she is convinced that I promised this special bath when we moved into this house. I was like, that didn't happen. Which it might be, like we said at the beginning of the episode, a thing that I did say and then I forgot about it immediately. Have you ever eaten an orange in the shower as if it's an apple?

It's like you peel, have you ever eaten anything shower- at not even inside the chair. Why? Why would who does that? And for what reason? Well, I mean there's something about eating an orange like normally have to like peel it and do the plugs and but like if you did like an apple It's just just juice everywhere. But if you're in the if in the shower, there's no consequences like it it's just yep, there's juice but This invention is taking it all away.

I who cares where the juice No, I definitely that's a good point I have never I've been sure of eating something in the shower specifically only when I take probably a bath, but I have Well, I'm sure there's a word for it eating while it's going out the other end. Yes, you kind of I Mean I I rarely do that but I have done it before when I know I'm on there for a while and I or I've been hungry and I need to go to the bathroom Can you remember anything?

Because I've heard some wild stuff eaten on the toilet. No, it wasn't that wild. remember it's nothing that's like, like I have a whole like, you know, like a chicken and rice dish on my lap and suddenly it just goes everywhere. Chris Luckman from the church, he holds it with wings. no. barbecue ribs. But what do you get? What do you do to skip my story? what I said. What are you doing with this? Like, what are you doing now? He goes, it's fine.

I was like, I know you don't just grab paper and start wiping with barbecue sauce on your hand. Like that's putting barbecue sauce where it shouldn't Comma that's bringing a brown into an equation where anytime that there is a brown that you have to track. Now you've mixed it and there's no telling what's what like. Nope. If I wipe and anything is brown, go, well, I have failed. And this hands off limits until I get that water on. What else are you gonna do though with it?

I mean, I still don't want it on there because I feel like even if I want my hands five times, you'll still smell it for a little to wipe before you get up. mean, that's all I could think of. Give it straight to the shower guy. There are some people that are why why go straight to the shower right after you've eaten and gone to the bathroom and now everything gets clean. Shower ribs might be a new try. you did like a, a barbecue sauce rib, but just like a rub, like a yeah, like a dry rubbed.

Okay. and you knew it was coming, but have you ever performed a waffle stomp? No, okay, but I will say Wait, I have I would say i've i'm sure there's a word like performing a a drain on your bathroom with with for natural causes and by by that I mean I One of the longest times i've ever gone like one of the bathrooms was about eight days.

Whoa In that context and it was because it was the first time I was on a camping trip with the youth group when I was a teenager And I couldn't do it because you're always around people nonstop for the entire trip and it's a week long. So I'd go like the night right before we leave. And then that night we get back. And so I, it saved up so much. And I'm not a big guy. So I don't know the suicides, it was, it was so long. Like it came out mostly in one long thing that I tried to flush.

And of course it doesn't flush. I don't remember there being a plunger in our area at home. So remember in the middle of the night, everybody's sleeping. I have to sneak around. I think, well, it was in there. I think I used, I think I had a bare handed Sally. I think now we have gloves. I had to reach in there to cut it, basically cut it up. And yes, I washed my hands and shower after many times.

I remember like washing hands at Tom, like having to do that because it was just so plugged up and so bad that I had to find a way to do it.

Now there's plungers as well as of course I have gloves in our bathroom in case you got anybody ever has anything there's such a thing I think it's a gag gift that you buy people that have two big jobs But it's just like a little it looks like a butter knife But it's a little thicker and it and it has a little holder and it's a gag gift Extend out because you're still gonna have to stick your hand it I don't know or time about what's still floating.

It just flush it You just dice it up in the toilet. Well, yeah, I just remember I was, just remember mine was so bad. I remember after that, it's funny. I've had a couple of people I've told about that issue before where I'm like, do a specific place and have like certain people. And I remember one person was like, I don't know why, but that makes me angry. I feel like, feel like you should not, no, no, not something being like that.

You need to be in such a comfortable position to go to the bathroom. He's like, someday when you really have to go, I'm just going to sit right outside your door. I do understand it. One of my roommates in college was P-Shy. like, he always said, dude, just, I need everybody like, and I'm like, shut up. Like, you're fine. But then one day, no joke, like you can hear him. He's midstream and he thinks he's alone in our townhouse.

And my other roommate and I were like, yo Trav, and you hear the stream. Silent, just cut the stream. He's like, yeah? I'm like, what you doing? going to the bathroom. We're like, all right, when you're done, like we're gonna, we're gonna head out. And we're like sitting on the couch, nothing. And he goes, you guys still out there? And we're like, yeah. He goes, all right, well just head out to the car. We'll be right there. We're like, what is going on?

And then sure enough, you know, we opened the door and you hear just the P start again. We're like, what? Midstream just cut it. And I was like, I can't even do that if I try.

Yeah, I mean i'm happy that i haven't had like issues from both ends but that i was gonna say that's I think you just have to kind of be like when I talk to my wife or when I talk to people like I realize difference is like very Like mentality because I feel like when things are so loose and I just take things not all serious and i'm just Able to just

almost not care and be open by everything It's easier for me to get stuff started, but otherwise it feels like my body seriously It like will lock up even if i'm trying to fight against it. It's a weird like mechanism where it feels like It's like a self preservation school. gotta get you some dragon fruit. Dragon fruit will clean you. That's the worst I have ever been cleaned. Like, ate two yellow dragon fruit and it was three hours of bathroom. like dumb and dumber scene.

Yep, to the point where this is, I was right here and I'm, it's so vigorous that Ana is out there. I don't even know what she's doing. She goes, are you pooing? Like, is that pee or poo? Like that's how liquified it made the whole thing. was like, this is. Yeah, that might be actually it's not bad if you want to clean yourself out. I was gonna say I like people are like, I did a juice cleanse. I like, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. Because I've been down that road and you know if you did it.

Please make sure you do a podcast too if you ever have to go through I haven't had one but I'd love to hear like what an anema an anema is like so see it's on the list, so I have this list. this might get cut because I'm almost afraid to talk about the fact that this list exists because one of those things where it's like there's a handful of people that once you say like, hey, I got this list, they're like, when you doing it? When you doing it? Like we know it exists, so now you have to.

Coffee bean enema is a thing, like, yeah. And it just gets everything moving. The colonoscopy is on the list. And the moment was when I had... my vasectomy has like. do I do something and record this? And I did, and now it's like, I did that. So where do I stop? It's slippery slope, my friend. Slippery slope and I hope that the slippery is not from anyway. Well Pedro, we have we've been talking for a long time. Yes, we have. Too close. Do you have any bathroom wisdom to leave leave folks with?

Yeah, I was gonna say Leave it at least as good as you found it. Yep, when you go in man, I feel like that's something I'm I don't know mom Tom that specifically but I still strongly believe that that's important because I am that guy that will come in after and and Not let you forget. Yeah There's this idea that's like, we should be judgmental and. I disagree. Because there's some things that are worth judging people about.

when I come into a stall and it's just decimated, it's like, you're bad. I have made a judgment about who you are as a person. Because if you leave this this way, I know your car is just, I, I bet the apps on your phone are just so disheveled. That's gonna get into some psychology of people that people's phones stress me out. Sorry I didn't bring mine. And I just, my wife has pages of unfolded apps. Just where is it at? I don't know. I'm like, how? How do you find anything?

And then my buddy at the high school, he has no apps. He's got an iPhone. He's got nothing on his home screen. Not a single thing, not the text messaging app. It's all gone. It's his background. And I'm like, this is psychotic. Well, I just searched for everything. I was like, this is crazy to me. He looks like, like it looks like a serial killer's phone. It's like, yeah, why would I have any evidence that I have a life on the home screen? Why like I have to remove all evidence, right?

You know, that's I could see very much. now. The minimalist mindset, I feel like like no one sees it about you. in and I get, okay, I've only got text message, phone, camera, calculator on the top. To me, that's like as minimalist as I could ever be. He has nothing. There's nothing there. It is because I've had to use it and I'm like, where's your, he goes, I'll just search for it. I was like, this is crazy. And he, and he's got games. It's all on there. He just searches for everything.

It's crazy. okay, so leave it how you found it, just like Smokey the Bear would want you to do. That's right. Yeah, well cool. Pedro, thank you for being here. I'm going to now do what I tell people is like me. If you've ever had a dog and your dog goes to the bathroom in the backyard, there's a moment in every dog owner's life where they watch their dog take a dump in the backyard. And it's always awkward because the dog can't sit right to do it.

And the owner just watches the dog take the dump. and the dog knows that it's watching. So I'm gonna close the show and I'm actually the dog and you're gonna watch this because I always feel terribly awkward closing the show with someone on it. Haven't figured out how to get through that yet. So thank you so much for listening. Pedro, thank you for being here. If you wanna find the show, it's all online. We have a website, it's out there, privy-cast.com. Go check it out.

I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. Thanks to Kevin and Pottington for the use of your music. keep pooping in the free world, own your stank, leave it like you found it, and now, as always, don't forget to flush. Sweet deal. But there's a button.