>> Speaker A: Toughed it out for a while. I was like, I think we're fine. We were not fine. I was like, dude, I'm in danger. Like, everything's chafen down there. Like, I can feel poop, like, underwear sticking to my butt, you know? >> Speaker B: Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded this week. Uh, I am in the ho hotel bathroom of the Staybridge Inn suites of Great Falls, Montana, and I'm going to be recording remotely, uh, with two
gents here in a moment. I, uh, want to be respectful of their time, so this record beforehand. And so, um, yeah, thank you for listening. I'm glad you're here. And, uh, let's see if we can get them on the call. Why don't you all just, uh, share who you are in case people, uh, don't know who you are? Because I know you guys a little bit. Um, enough to be dangerous. >> Speaker A: Uh, I think we start with the smallest beard. >> Speaker C: Smallest mustache. Uh, my name is Bret Redeger.
I attended Corbin University with these two hooligans back in the day of. What years do we all go? You guys went 2012 through 2016. >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker C: So had some good times there. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker C: Where are you at now, the freshman year? >> Speaker B: Me? >> Speaker C: I'm, uh, up in, uh, nooksack, Washington, kind of little hometown where I grew up. >> Speaker B: Nooksack?
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker A: That is how you pronounce that? >> Speaker C: Yeah. I always told everybody we should change our mascot to the know. People like nutsack. I'm like, yeah. Because we dragon this nutsack on your face. >> Speaker A: Oh. >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker C: Uh, when people call you your school, that you got to have. >> Speaker A: Organic. >> Speaker B: Sweet, man.
>> Speaker A: My name is Aaron Badley. I'm at Spokane, Washington, land of the almost free. We're, like, that close to Idaho. We're that close. >> Speaker C: Compton. >> Speaker A: Until then, though, I remain in chains and utter darkness. Yeah, I'm also a corbin alumni, for better or for worse. Got my undergrad and master's degree there, and, uh, just went north from. >> Speaker B: So, uh, you fled? >> Speaker A: I fled. I didn't go east, though.
I didn't go east. Adam did that. Cain did that, so I just went, yeah, yeah. >> Speaker B: Adam's like a firefighter now or something. Odly. >> Speaker A: Did he really? >> Speaker B: Last I saw, he, um. So he used to do ministry down by me in Corvallis, and then last I saw. I think he's in Washington as a firefighter. >> Speaker A: Oh, what? >> Speaker C: That might not be, see, in Yakima, uh, yaka Vegas.
>> Speaker B: I'd have to go find it, but, yeah, he hit a thing and was in full firefighter, uh, and talked about new opportunity. >> Speaker A: You sure wasn't for a calendar photo shoot or something? >> Speaker C: Uh, no, I wouldn't. >> Speaker B: Yeah, we'd already have it. No, I already have this year's copy. Well, sweet. Guys, um. Ah, I have a story that I want us to get into, but before we do. So do either of you have your own individual. And I know I
might be putting you on the spot a little bit. Do you have your own individual bathroom? Tales of woe or even. It doesn't even have to be you. Yeah. >> Speaker C: About most of each other's. >> Speaker A: Uh. I can't wait for Bret. >> Speaker C: Chain going. >> Speaker B: Uh. >> Speaker C: We, uh, got a text chain going where me and Aaron are cousins, right? His brother Justin. And, uh, once in a blue moon, we don't text each other really
that much, but I'll send. We'll just send this picture just like, yo, check this out. This is what I ate. These are the products we're giving the details on the dirty. Some are pretty colorful, different consistencies and everything. It's always nice to see and show the wife, give her a little jump start. >> Speaker B: Yes. That's the vibe that I'm going for. So I love. >> Speaker A: It's, uh, another corbin story. I poop my
pants more than I care to admit. Like, when I thought about it later, I was like, I pooped my pants a lot. >> Speaker C: This one when you were driving. >> Speaker A: It's been less recently. It was when I was driving. Oh, I've got another one, too. But there's one. I was driving. I was coming back to corbin with sam belek, and we're about to hit the prisons. Like, we're that close, and we're literally talking about. Because I was like, dude, I got to go. When I get back, whatever.
We were literally sharing shard stories, and, uh, somehow talking about bret Johnson, these different guys just cracking up. And then I let one go in the car, and I look at sam, and we're at the prison. We're driving by the prison. We're 30 seconds away. I just look at sam. >> Speaker B: I'm like. >> Speaker A: I just filled my pants. >> Speaker B: Oh, no. >> Speaker A: It was unreal. >> Speaker C: How much village are we talking here?
>> Speaker A: Yeah, um, there's nothing. There's nothing salt about it. I could feel it, but there's nothing salt about. Yeah, I don't think I sold my car seat. I think that was good. Forget. There's a good. Another one, though, where I was at a family reunion somewhere in eastern washington, and, uh, somehow I sharded at the family reunion, and, uh, we're out in the middle of nowhere, away from nothing, right? And I'm like, okay, so I just went
to the bathroom. Well, actually, I kind of toughed it out for a while. I was like, I think we're fine. Yeah, we were not fine. I was like, dude, I'm in danger. Everything's chafing down there. I can feel poop, my underwear sticking to my butt. So I went to the bathroom. There's no toilet paper in any of the bathrooms. >> Speaker B: Oh, no. >> Speaker A: And so I just went, like, full,
uh, adventure mode. Took out my knife, cut my underwear off, used it to wipe, threw it in the porta potty, and walked out like, nothing happened, dude. >> Speaker B: So then you're going commando. >> Speaker A: I went full commando the rest of the time. >> Speaker C: Um, only way to go. Good thing you had underwear in the first place, right? >> Speaker B: You walk out shirtless, and you know what's going. >> Speaker C: Yeah, that reminds me. The bathroom
shenanigan. We had a missions trip to Mexico. Gosh, this was my sophomore year. Uh. >> Speaker A: I wasn't there. >> Speaker C: But you told, uh, uh, gosh, it's our last night there. Uh, what was the last morning? So we're about to wake up, pack stuff up, and leave. Well, also, we start kind of hear rumblings, like, yo, what happened in the girl's bathroom? So me being me, I got to go check it out.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker C: And in the place we were at Ensenada, we were building a church there. And open the door. It's just the hole in the know. That's typical, um, of just, like, when you're out hiking, something like that. And you open it, and you're like, why am I looking up right now? Because there's poop on the ceiling, it's on the walls. It's all over. You're just like, okay, well, I'm glad I'm, one, not a girl. And two, we're leaving. >> Speaker B: Yeah.
>> Speaker C: Well, then, of course, bus trip back and everything. They're, like, asking, oh, what are you guys thankful for? And everything like that. All those kinds of questions. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker C: Somehow this made it in front of the entire church. But, uh, I remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of like, oh, man, I glad I got to make a quick trip to the woman's bathroom before I had to destroy it. Or
something along those lines. Play it in front of the entire congregation. I'm just like, oh, crap. My parents are sitting right next to me. >> Speaker B: They're so proud. >> Speaker A: I think your mom murdered you 1000 times in her head. >> Speaker B: Well, that's the best part of being, like, an adult. And your parents still around interacting with your stuff. It's like, yeah, wait till you hear this story. Uh, right? I'm going to do you real proud on this one. Um.
Man. Hey. And I'm sure there's endless bathrooming, uh, situations. >> Speaker A: Um, I literally had three more coming through my head. From Corbin. Yep. But we'll save them. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Hey, who knows? Maybe there's a part two in the works. I don't know. Um, but I want to visit this story. What I found is, in time, my memory is interesting, um, because I remember this a specific way, and I wanted you all to speak to it because there's a lot of moving
parts here. Uh, and so, however you want to do, I can start telling the story and then hand it off to you all. >> Speaker A: I would love to hear your rendition of this, and we can go. But I would love to hear what you think happened. >> Speaker B: And feel free to shout in here to revise my history and my memory, because I'm pretty sure I have some of these things wrong. Also, I'm going to use the gentleman's name, and if y'all
later are like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Um, so we'll just say John. Uh, as I remember it, uh, yeah, he was russian. That's all I know. Um, I don't remember his name. Yeah. But as I remember it, he had been parking in the Ra spots at our dorm. >> Speaker C: Either Ra or senior parking. >> Speaker A: Yeah, or both. >> Speaker B: And in my memory, we had had multiple dorm meetings addressing this, saying, hey,
guys. And I think it was one of those things where it's like, hey, we don't want to call out anybody, and we're trying to be trauma informed and not target anybody. And we all knew that it's this kid, and we're like, can't we just have him get him a ticket or something? And, um, I don't ever remember why he couldn't get ticketed. I think it was. It wasn't an official breaking of rule. It was like a dorm agreed on thing.
>> Speaker A: But anyway, soft rule. It wasn't a policy of the university, right? >> Speaker B: And so it's like, if he chooses to continue to dill hole out, we can't really do anything. And so he did continue to do that. And as I remember it, the murmurings kind of kept happening, of like, hey, this guy is just ruining our evening with these dorm meetings. And every time we go to senior park or someone goes to park, he's just there.
And, uh, as I remember it, we were hanging out in Brett's room when Aaron came into the room and said, something about having had eaten taco Bell and that he was, quote, ready to take care of something. And that was how we got the train of, like, in my brain. It was like eight to ten guys who followed you all out to the car. Um. Have I gotten anything wrong? >> Speaker C: No. I'm just going to mention, I think I'm impressed because, yeah, there was about eight dudes
there. We never once heard anything from John. Everybody just. >> Speaker B: Oh, strap in because I'm going to fill you in on something here. It's a gem. No, he never addressed it with us. Um, he addressed it in a very particular, uh, way. Um, I can't wait. Yeah. So we go outside and we go up the stairs, and his car is parked, like, right at the top of the stairs. Um, right. And I'll let you all share what you contributed to, uh, his car, if you would like.
>> Speaker A: Uh, it was just, uh, the contents of my bowels. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Just defecated. Um, the picture. Yes. >> Speaker A: Let's be clear. >> Speaker B: It started, um. Yes. So Chad and I lived in the room right at the bottom of those stairs. And so every morning when we pulled our blinds, we got to look up at John's car. Uh, and it progressed past that night, but the night. Yeah, it was a very neat pile. It was a very good
pile. Um, I remember I, myself, urinated on his car. Um, handle. I remember that there was a lot of urination. There was definitely some poop on his car. Um, and it's been ten years, and I think the statute. Anyway, uh, we're good. Uh. >> Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. >> Speaker B: That's probably the one that could speak to it. He's, like, shaking it. No, stop. Uh, but so we. We did this good thing, but he was gone out of town. >> Speaker A: Okay, I thought we told him.
>> Speaker B: Someone told him. I didn't. >> Speaker C: You're going to leave town and you're going to park your car there. You got to expect some when you come back. >> Speaker A: I could have swore, like, we told him, dude, we're going to poop on your car. It was not a mystery. >> Speaker C: I think we did 100%. >> Speaker B: Yes. He was willing. >> Speaker A: Yeah. This is not nice thing you did, but we told him this will happen anyway.
>> Speaker B: And it did. Uh, and he went out of town on a cross country, like, uh, meet. And so my dude's car was parked there for four or five days, didn't move. And this turd just sat, like, just above. I think it was his hood. >> Speaker C: Um, was this almost summertime when it happened or what season are we talking? >> Speaker B: It was rainy. >> Speaker C: Rainy. >> Speaker A: Okay, I have a totally different recollection of this.
>> Speaker B: Okay, see, this is good, because I. >> Speaker A: Remember going out in the morning because I was like, dude, do we clean this up? Because this was just like, to send a message. I'll clean it up. I'm fine cleaning it up. And it was gone. >> Speaker B: The rain had washed it off. That's my recollection. >> Speaker C: I don't think you looked that closely, Aaron. >> Speaker A: No, we went out and looked and there's nothing. Because someone
else did another car. Like, the basketball players kind of got carried away. >> Speaker B: They went to something else. >> Speaker A: Everything was cleaned up. >> Speaker B: Everything. Oh, see, that's interesting. So maybe I have the other car in my brain as this car. Well, then the question is, who cleaned it up? >> Speaker A: Because we have no idea. It wasn't me. >> Speaker B: Wasn't me. >> Speaker C: Uh, wasn't me.
>> Speaker B: So as I remembered it, one car, apparently two, got hit. Breaking news. The rain had washed one of these turds down onto the rest of the car. >> Speaker C: And, like, the ventilation. >> Speaker B: Yeah. And where it was positioned, everybody that walked to the gym had to walk right by these cars. >> Speaker C: Just look at that. >> Speaker B: And Chad and I just would look out our window like, oh, um, no. Are there cameras? Like, have they caught on?
Um, so the way. Fast forward few months. Um, so Anna and I were dating, and her roommate at the time began to date John. Uh, and this is where the story got wild because her roommate began to talk to her. Be like, yeah, a few months back, a bunch of guys pooped on my boyfriend's car. It was awful. And so Anna's telling me, she's like, can you believe people would do that? Who would do that? Staring at my disgusting girlfriend, soon to be fiance. Like, yeah, that's, that's really believe.
>> Speaker C: Why would they do that? >> Speaker B: And she can, she can just sense, like, this guy. >> Speaker A: This guy. >> Speaker B: What did you do? And I said, I only contributed wet to it. Uh, the word got around, but it got around via his girlfriend, m. And they're married and in, I believe, California now. Uh, so congrats to them. Sorry about your car. Uh, sorry about the work. >> Speaker C: He parked there again.
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I think it stopped. Message sent and received. Um, but see, that's why I thought someone either had to have told him or he saw it because he filled his girlfriend in on this. >> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Okay, so that's why, in my brain, it washed down the front of his car. >> Speaker A: And he, like, maybe, uh, I remember looking with a bunch of guys and like, there was nothing because we were really going to go clean it up.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Uh, but we could have missed it. >> Speaker B: Well, or the rain had washed it. So far, pretty. >> Speaker A: That could have even happened. Um, we told him, there's no mystery about it. You need to move your car. Yeah. Here is the step a, step b. Yeah. >> Speaker C: So he never knew who did it, though. When he told his girlfriend, even though we had told him, like, hey, man.
>> Speaker B: I think the way I understood is we told him, hey, somebody told him that, hey, this is going to happen. And I think he just was like, well, I guess somebody did it, but it wasn't them because then I m would know it was, uh, uh, I don't. >> Speaker C: The best way to hide is in plain sight. >> Speaker B: It was just so surreal having Anna. >> Speaker C: Be like, that's crazy. >> Speaker B: Kind of, uh. >> Speaker A: Oh, my God.
>> Speaker C: Yeah, actually. >> Speaker B: Imagine having been there. >> Speaker A: I had no idea that's what happened to you, though. That's awesome. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Oh, my God. >> Speaker B: Um, I think Anna gets like an embarrassed kick out of it now, but whatever. >> Speaker A: Uh, it's so funny because I have no ill will towards the guy. Like, I don't remember his name.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Or strictly dorm policy. >> Speaker B: Yeah, I just remember him because we made our own rule. >> Speaker C: Policy enforcers. >> Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Wow, dude, college was wild. Um, Bible college was especially so if anybody's listening and in school, park where you're supposed to park. That's the warning. The PSA or your neighborhood watch will squat on your car.
>> Speaker C: I will come down from Washington and I will drop you on your car. >> Speaker A: The dorm hoa will find you and they will kill you. >> Speaker B: They'll just eat a full tummy furt of Iberto's burritos and just squelch one out right on your head. >> Speaker A: I just remember it was like all the self control in the world to make it from the dining hall to the dorm. I was like, Bret, I gotta. >> Speaker B: I remember you came in and you're like, it's
happening. I have to go and I'm going now. And there was just a little train of guys that followed you out for the. >> Speaker C: Well, I won't point any fingers, but Aaron was only successful. Uh, I was thinking we were going to have a couple more. I know, I tried. I got up there and I was. >> Speaker A: Like, a lot of stage fright. A lot of stage fright. >> Speaker B: I don't think I tried the pooping because I didn't have to go, but I definitely peed on his, um.
>> Speaker A: Performance. >> Speaker C: That's probably the worst. Yeah, it's Darryl. It's going to wash off. But I'm like, ah, he's not really going to touch the poop. Like, he knows it's there. The door handle, he has no clue. >> Speaker A: That's what it feels. >> Speaker C: Smeared it on the door handle is what we should have done. That would have been just on the underside. >> Speaker A: That would have crossed the line for, like, malice for me. I
felt good pooping on his hood. He sees it great. >> Speaker C: And I quote, I feel good pooping on his hood. >> Speaker A: I felt no. Like, my conscience wasn't even quick. I was like, dude, if he wants, I'll clean it up. I'm going to send it. >> Speaker B: Yeah, but that's the way to be, man. Like, commit. Don't look back. Wow. >> Speaker C: Full send. >> Speaker A: I feel like we learned a lot about each other just now. That was good.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: That we have no conscience. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Or at least seared. Seared conscience. Um, I blame Bible school. >> Speaker C: Exactly. >> Speaker A: I think we can place this all squarely on Jones. >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. If he hadn't, uh, been so busy challenging us. Uh. >> Speaker A: We have these beards, I think strictly because of him. Bret. Something happened to Bret?
>> Speaker B: Yeah, dude. My beard thing began as, like, uh, I began working at the high school, and these dang kids. Baby face, they're just like, I ain't having it from you, old man. >> Speaker A: Totally. >> Speaker B: Like, you look like a toddler. I'm not listening to you. And then you get some facial hair and they're like, yes, sir. >> Speaker A: Okay, true. >> Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. Um, something about a little hair on your chin keeps it real.
>> Speaker A: I was going to say on the facial hair note, I worked for a church for a while and I was like, 20 at the time. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: But I was helping these guys, who are all fully grown men, have families, get their mDivs remotely. Um, but I grew a long beard and so these guys all thought I was just like some respectable dude. Like 30, 35. Uh, I might brush my teeth once a day. I don't even have a kid. I still live on Mountain Dew. But my facial hair.
>> Speaker B: Adulthood is just that, though. Uh, there's all this, like, oh, I wasn't ready. And all these college guys, they're like, I just don't know if I'm ready. It's like, dude, nobody was ever ready. Uh, you just. Trial and error. Keep it real and absolutely be able to learn. That's 90% of it. Absolutely. Um, well, hey, while I have you guys, uh, because I want you all to get back to your lives because it's Bret's day off and you've got a kiddo napping
or something. I don't remember the arrangement. >> Speaker C: Uh, we're good they're all napping. >> Speaker B: They're all napping. >> Speaker C: They're all down. >> Speaker B: Dude, that's impressive. That's impressive. Uh, wow. >> Speaker C: That was all me. I put them all down and everything. >> Speaker B: Your wife just, like, pops into the background, like, shaking her head, like, no way. No. Um, so I have a few questions that I
ask people when they're on the show. Uh, and the first is, what type of toilet paper do y'all prefer? Use, um, steel. >> Speaker C: Kidding. >> Speaker A: You like the feeling of the remnants that it provides? >> Speaker C: I made the mistake once. Know Scott? Single? Uh, that was during COVID when short supplies and everything is still better than. >> Speaker A: My shirt or my brief. >> Speaker C: Or your brief.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, what do you prefer, though? >> Speaker C: Gosh, I'd probably have to go with, like, charmin beautiful bear, whatever. The triple ply, like, the lotion in there and everything. Pretty much. It feels like. Anyways. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Do you actually get those? >> Speaker C: Yeah. Well, uh, not the lotion, but, no. I knew a guy that used just straight wet wipes, though, once, and I was like, dude, it's a little hardcore, man.
>> Speaker B: He could not have flushed them, though. >> Speaker C: No, he did. He's like, oh, I get the flushable ones. >> Speaker A: Okay, that's brave. >> Speaker B: Yes, brave. >> Speaker A: I have a friend I won't name. >> Speaker C: He wasn't paying for the plumbing. Let's say that. >> Speaker A: I have a friend I won't name. But he literally nairs hair. Removes the hair on his butthole, and uses, uh, baby wipes.
He's just like, he's Mr. Clean down there. >> Speaker B: Oh, no, but it's Nair. >> Speaker C: What is Nair? >> Speaker B: It's like, uh, burns the hair off. >> Speaker C: Uh, okay. I was like, I'll shave every once in a while. Trim it up with a razor. Electric razor. But I don't think it's straight razor. >> Speaker B: Manscape it. >> Speaker C: Sometimes it just starts coming out. Got to whack that little bit back. In case that's not TMI.
>> Speaker A: Hair removal cream. N a I r. Yeah. Get it while it's hot. >> Speaker B: Yeah, but I understand Nair is kind of painful. Like, it doesn't feel good. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I imagine that leaves a burning. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. >> Speaker C: Not the spot. I wrote that. >> Speaker B: Oh, gosh. >> Speaker A: That's just shows you his dedication to being Mr. Clean down, know? >> Speaker B: Yeah, I guess it's fair.
>> Speaker C: Does it cost everything? >> Speaker B: How much can I get on Amazon right now? >> Speaker C: Your soul, is it. In short. >> Speaker B: Uh, Aaron. Aaron, what do y'all use for TP? >> Speaker A: We just use, uh, the bulk TP from Costco. The Kirkland brand. >> Speaker B: Yeah, Kirkland. >> Speaker A: We're common peasants like that. And it gets the job done, dude. >> Speaker B: It's a good paper. It's a quality paper.
Um, better than their milk jugs. Their milk jugs should be illegal. I can't. >> Speaker C: You spill those half the time for. >> Speaker A: Yeah, those are sin. >> Speaker B: Yes, but they'll do nothing about it. I've written them. >> Speaker A: Um, we should pass some RCW or some kind of code. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, so when you all are in the toilet paper situation, the toilet paper, is it going over or under for you all or is it. Oh, boy.
>> Speaker C: I used to go over. I didn't get cats. >> Speaker B: Got to go. >> Speaker C: And kids, too. Yeah, once they're at that age, just taking it everywhere. Either that or we'll take it off and put it up to the side and then just hold it. >> Speaker A: Yeah, we literally don't have our toilet paper on the roll. It's on the side because of our cat. Yeah, she'll put, like, half the roll in the toilet.
>> Speaker C: Hunters. Like, you're asking over under. We're like, dude, it's not even on the roll. >> Speaker B: Just take it off. It's not even worth it. >> Speaker A: It's not even on the roll for us. It hasn't been for, like, two years now. >> Speaker B: That's next level. That's like 40 chests of toilet paper. Of, like, I got you now, bud. >> Speaker C: You can do whatever you want with it there. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Hey, there you go. In the shower.
Are you all bar soap or liquid soap? >> Speaker C: Lads, I'm both back and forth. I'll use both sometimes in one shower. Start off with the bar, because I feel like that's more of a cleanse. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, uh, irish spring. The green bars. >> Speaker C: Yeah, actually, I think so. >> Speaker B: There it is. That's the best, man. >> Speaker A: You guys aren't going to believe. >> Speaker C: Richard's, like, the only one branded for men.
>> Speaker A: It's true, though. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Aaron, what's up? >> Speaker A: You're not going to believe this, though, but, uh, I use a bar, like, maybe once a week. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: I shower every day, but I don't use shampoo or anything. I use a bar maybe once a week. >> Speaker C: Yeah, you're not supposed to shampoo, like, only twice a week at most. >> Speaker A: Yeah, that too. But, I mean, I literally don't use shampoo.
>> Speaker B: You got to get those oils going. >> Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. >> Speaker A: Um, I think I've been blessed with body odor that way. Some people always can't do that, but. >> Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know, dude, I'll get fresh. Especially when it's this time of year and it's hot like woofie. I just can't, man. >> Speaker C: Yeah, same. And, ah, I log around 50 pounds. >> Speaker A: Every day, so I'm like, oh, gosh.
>> Speaker B: Um, do you all ever carve messages into your bars of soap? >> Speaker C: No. There's usually two. >> Speaker A: No, but I'm going to do anything. >> Speaker B: Leave your wife's little notes. >> Speaker C: She doesn't use my bar. Up and in its own little quarantine box. >> Speaker B: Oh, that's good. That's smart. Hey, um, question for you. Yeah?
>> Speaker A: Have you ever done this to your wife where she's in the shower, and then you just take a glass of cold water, a bucket of cold water, and dump it on her? >> Speaker C: Not as bad as I thought. >> Speaker A: It could have been worse. I know. >> Speaker C: I don't know if I've done that to Fallon. No, I don't think so. >> Speaker A: I look forward to hearing about it. >> Speaker C: Have you ever, uh, peed on Caitlin in the shower?
>> Speaker B: Yep. >> Speaker C: All right, good. >> Speaker A: As is tradition. >> Speaker C: Oh, I go face. >> Speaker A: Oh, my. >> Speaker B: Like, you're, like, kinking the hose and aiming it up for spray. It's like, okay. No. >> Speaker C: Oh, gosh. This reminds me of Corbett, actually. Who was it? Maybe it was, uh. I don't want to say the wrong name in case I'm wrong, but someone's telling me about how you can
really force yourself to go pee but you clench. Basically, your aretha, so nothing's coming out and it hurts. But they were really drunk when they did it. >> Speaker B: Oh, yeah. >> Speaker C: You let go, dude, and that thing just shoots 20ft up in the air. And I was like, I don't think I'd ever be drunk enough to try that, to be, uh, honest. Yeah, dude, you could shoot it over a car from laying flat on your back. And I'm like, no, thanks for fun. Just cause yourself pain.
>> Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. >> Speaker C: Uh, yeah, I'm thinking I had a. >> Speaker B: Buddy who did that in middle school, but it wasn't that long or that much. He just did it to pee really high on a shed. Um. Montana. >> Speaker C: There you go. >> Speaker B: Yeah. So how do you guys feel about baths? Where are you at on baths? >> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker C: I don't know. I have to give my kids baths.
>> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker C: I haven't taken a bath in probably 510 years. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Since Vietnam, right? >> Speaker B: Yeah, right back in the swamp. Uh, are you all opposed to baths? >> Speaker C: No, not me specifically. I know my wife is very anti bath. >> Speaker B: Really? >> Speaker A: Uh, I think it's just the aspect. >> Speaker C: Of, like, sitting in this water with your essentially filth or whatever.
>> Speaker B: That's it for me, too, man. >> Speaker C: I sleep in my bed with myself, so I'm like, man, that's filthy. Enough. >> Speaker A: I'm with Fallon. I'm team Fallon on this one. >> Speaker C: Yeah, um, it's just human soup. >> Speaker A: My shower is filthy too. It's like this rotten tub. And my in laws aren't going to fix the bathroom anytime soon, so I'm just, like, eating alive here. So maybe if I had a nicer tub, I'd be more willing.
>> Speaker B: Yeah, that's fair. >> Speaker C: I want to take a tub. Hit a hot tub, right? >> Speaker B: Yes. >> Speaker C: Get all that chlorine in there. >> Speaker B: Moving too. Yeah, chlorine. And it's moving. >> Speaker A: You don't see the dead skin. It's fine. >> Speaker B: Um, so this next question. Have you all ever. Let's say you're in the shower, you're enjoying your shower, uh, and the urge hits. You have to take a shaz.
Um, would you ever. So there's three options. There's three options, as I'm concerned. Uh, you either get out and you go do your deposit, and that's option one. And that's the popular option. But would you ever waffle stomp it? Just, uh, Bret's coming out fast with the. >> Speaker C: No, I would not know. I hate it. I get out, try to dry off. You're wiping wet. It sucks. But I couldn't bring myself to waffle. >> Speaker B: Just stomp the turd. >> Speaker C: Someone I knew.
Give me a story. It's not anything crazy, but they're having one of those days where they're just having med and it's just straight liquid. They're in the shower and they're just like, oh, no, I'm not going to make it. So they just did in the shower and straight liquid, they're like, I didn't even need to stomp it down and just wet down the giant. Literally, your toilet is literally right outside your shower. Like, you can't hop out. Like, I've hopped
out completely wet. You go and you're like, I'll do what I can do, but at least it's in the toilet. It's not in the shower where I'm standing. You're never going to get that clean. >> Speaker B: There's a lot of water, though. >> Speaker C: Yeah, you're never going to get clean enough. >> Speaker B: Aaron, would you do it? >> Speaker A: Would I do it? 100%. Um. Have I done it? No. >> Speaker B: Okay, well, there's hope for the future.
>> Speaker C: Aaron has the bath drain, so he's have to hook over there. Just stomping it down with the little hand plug. Caitlin's like, it would probably depend what kind of drain you. Yeah, if you have just like, the regular drain with the holes in the bottom that you can't plug if you. >> Speaker B: Have a bath plug. Yeah. And even if you can just keep stomping, if you just keep stomping, it just keeps kind of breaking it up. Uh, it'll sort itself out if you add enough water.
If you add enough water. Um, the third option. Uh, and this one, feel free to, uh. I won't tip my hand, but you poop and you catch it and then you reach out and toss it into the toilet. Uh, listen to a wild. >> Speaker C: I think I'd still rather just get water on the floor and walk out and around. Sit down. >> Speaker A: I don't think I've ever caught my own turd. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker C: I dissected my own poop, but, yeah, I don't think I've ever caught it.
>> Speaker B: Well, I've caught it, like, I've pooped into like, a Walmart bag before. We were out camping and I was like, uh, I don't want to dig a hole. I'm just going to do it in the bag and throw it in the trash. >> Speaker A: But not your own hand, right? >> Speaker B: No, not bare hand. No, I've never bare handed it. Um, Bret. >> Speaker C: I'm just imagining this. >> Speaker B: It gives an image to relay in your brain.
Have you all ever eaten or drank anything in the shower? >> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, almost every time. >> Speaker B: What are you eating and or drinking? >> Speaker C: I don't normally eat. I'll drink beer. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker C: Soda. >> Speaker B: Cold one. >> Speaker C: Like, uh, that? >> Speaker A: Yeah. Coffee? Beer. Mountain Dew? Water. Yeah, I brought bourbon in there. >> Speaker C: Classy. Classy.
>> Speaker B: So the beverage, is it any food? >> Speaker C: Uh, I don't think shower. I mean, I've left it on the counter. Taking a bite? >> Speaker B: Yeah, but a sandwich? Sandwich. >> Speaker A: I think I got a donut in there. One. >> Speaker B: Doesn't it get, like, mad soggy? >> Speaker A: You got to be fast about it. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. Got it. Yeah, that's fair. Um,
very good. Uh, would you ever eat an orange as if it was an apple in the shower, say? >> Speaker C: I would. >> Speaker B: Very specific questions. >> Speaker A: Uh, that actually made me uncomfortable to think about. I don't know why. Of all the things I've done, like. >> Speaker B: People do this orange showers, they just sounds bad. >> Speaker C: Like m a eucalyptus plant in there. It's supposed to help open the sinuses pores.
>> Speaker A: It's good for your skin. That sounds like sociopathic behavior. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker A: Not peeling your orange in the shower. Like what? >> Speaker C: Yeah, I brought this orange in here. Um, I have nowhere to throw the peel. >> Speaker A: That's the same guy who catches his poop in the shower. >> Speaker B: Yeah, that's the same person. He eats his orange and then just, uh. Would you all eat or drink something on the toilet?
>> Speaker C: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: It's a favorite activity. Make it worth your while. >> Speaker C: Got to get some soda. >> Speaker B: Two birds, one. >> Speaker C: I might, um, just take the computer there right now, actually, real quick. >> Speaker B: That's where I'm at. >> Speaker C: I got a question for you guys. >> Speaker B: There's the shower. I'm in here, man. We're in it.
>> Speaker C: I was going to be in there, but I don't have it for that. Reaches. >> Speaker B: Yeah, you're good. >> Speaker C: Laptop. Do you guys poop with clothes on? >> Speaker B: Um, 95% of the time if I'm prepping for a shower, no, but I always poop naked. Every time. >> Speaker C: Every time? >> Speaker B: Uh, even in public? >> Speaker C: No. >> Speaker B: Okay.
>> Speaker C: I mean, like, when I'm in the house somewhere, I'm comfortable. Yeah, strip down, dude. Take the pants, the shirt off. That way you don't have to be over know. >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker C: Especially when you're wiping. >> Speaker B: You just tuck just. >> Speaker A: Bret, one of my favorite stories, dude, was at the church. We had the stall doors open, and we both just sent it. We're all just pooping naked. Some junior hire
walks in. We're in high school in the youth center. Yeah. Our clothes are obviously in the middle of the bathroom. And we had a full conversation with the kid, and he didn't even go pee. He just walked right back. >> Speaker B: I need you to come pick me up. I'm uncomfortable. >> Speaker A: And then we got arrested. >> Speaker C: Classic. Classic. The doors weren't locking. >> Speaker A: In hindsight, we were the dumbest people.
>> Speaker C: We're just getting them over a little stage fright, getting them ready for the real world. >> Speaker B: I had a similar experience with Dr. Derrickson's son at, like, we never locked the stall doors. And when somebody come in, we'd kick the door open and peek out in the mirror. And one day, um, his son came in. He was visiting somebody in the dorm, and he didn't live in the dorms. He came in, and I just kicked
the thing open, and he's standing there like, what are you doing? And I said, oh, this is what we do here. And he just turned around and took right off. And I was like, this is what we do here. It's like, oh, man, we got to really measure what we. Yeah. >> Speaker A: Um, we were close to starting a colt in Davidson, I think. >> Speaker C: Yeah, that's probably why they split it up. Honestly, they're like, we need to get some women here.
>> Speaker B: We need regulation on these guys. >> Speaker C: Um, there's too much testosterone for one building that was. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, it smelled like it sometimes too. Uh, unless you're in Gavin's room, and he had his little sensei in the corner. >> Speaker A: I love Gavin. >> Speaker B: Gavin's so funny. >> Speaker A: I miss that guy. >> Speaker B: Do you guys remember Matt Gibson at Corbin? Gibby?
>> Speaker A: Didn't he do worship stuff? Guitar? >> Speaker B: Um, I don't know. He and Andrew Stenberg, soccer players. Uh, he came up with the dark shower. Uh, do you guys ever take a dark shower? >> Speaker C: The lights off? >> Speaker B: Yeah. No lights. Yeah, so it's my preferred shower. Um, I seek that out. I chase that. Um, Gibby's converted me almost completely.
>> Speaker A: I'll have to do that intentionally. I don't notice when lights are on or off, and that's a personality flaw. So I probably take dark showers on accident more often. >> Speaker C: Are you even a dad? Do you not go around just turning the lights off all the time? >> Speaker A: Yeah. Penny can't reach him yet, but keelin hates me because I'll just go to bed. There's like 40 lights on. I failed as a father.
>> Speaker C: That's why I know where your thermostat is, man. >> Speaker B: Oh, my God. >> Speaker A: Dark showers. Dark showers. >> Speaker B: The dark showers. Gavin Lau, actually, he shared. It's kind of like you're being birthed into your day, so it's like, dark, and as your eyes, you're just there. >> Speaker A: And you rise into your new, um. >> Speaker B: You'Re. When you're wiping, are you a crumple or do you fold or do you roll a big
mitt? What's your paper, um, situation when you go back? >> Speaker A: I love that. >> Speaker C: That's good. I'm, uh, a folder. >> Speaker B: Folder. Perfect. >> Speaker C: I mean, I'll crumple sometimes, but definitely a folder. >> Speaker A: Know, into holder. Um, heck, do I do. I got to think through my steps here. Yeah, I crumple that bad boy. I want, like, different textures. I want to be like a brain that's like scraping my butthole.
>> Speaker B: I want different textures. Uh, perfect. Uh, thanks. Decreases for me, the crumple is too many variables. I get scared, uh, that I'm going to get it on it. >> Speaker C: Hold back finger. >> Speaker B: Yeah, sure. >> Speaker A: That is a danger of the trick. >> Speaker C: Or sometimes I've had it with the crumple where it rips and then your fingers just expose. So you got to fold to get that extra layer of protection.
>> Speaker B: But the danger with the fold is if you don't get enough layers, you're going to hole punch yourself just right through. >> Speaker C: And it's like, hey, we're here. But I don't go like, who wipes like that? Uh, you take it kind of flat, right? >> Speaker B: Yeah. >> Speaker C: Rub against. You're not really jamming a position to jam it like that. You guys wipe over or under? >> Speaker B: I mean, I reach back. >> Speaker C: Or front or back?
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I reach back. >> Speaker A: Yeah, I usually have the old one two combo. Up, down. >> Speaker C: Yeah, I think I wipe front to. >> Speaker B: Back, but go back for it. There's a lot of science involved with that one. Um, last here. Uh, do you all have any bathroom pet peeves that they just fire you up when you see or have them happen in the bathroom? >> Speaker C: I don't think so. >> Speaker A: I've got one. >> Speaker B: Okay.
>> Speaker A: Freaking toilet seat lids. When they're built like Neanderthals and your unit kind of flicks up and you pee through this lid, and then you, uh, just see pee going down the face of the toilet. Why are my feet wet? Oh, there's a pillow of pee on the ground. Because the lip didn't push the old unit down, which could just be a commentary on my unit size. >> Speaker B: Well, you had the kickstand, if I remember right. You had the kickstand.
>> Speaker A: Yeah. >> Speaker B: Do you remember this? >> Speaker C: The squatty? >> Speaker B: No. Okay, Aaron, I will take this out if you want, but I distinctly remember being in college and you walking into a dorm room or the bathroom at one point and your wiener exposed, and it's just kind of up. It's not torqued, but it's got the kickstand. And I remember you saying it's like, I have a kickstand.
>> Speaker A: Yes. Uh, I can't go commando because it just looks like I'm pointing and I'm not. >> Speaker B: He's pitch intense. >> Speaker C: It's, uh, his compass. It just always points north. >> Speaker A: We can decide if we want to. >> Speaker B: Heads back between your legs. It's like, oh, no. >> Speaker A: Uh, we can decide if you want to cut that or not, but, yeah, that is the nature.
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Hey, you let me know because I will tell you it's not the most randy thing that's been said, so you pray on that one? Uh, um. Yeah, that's it, man, I appreciate you guys doing this. Um, it's a wild ride. >> Speaker C: Uh, always a good day when you get to talk about poop. >> Speaker B: Yeah. Do you guys have any bathroom words of wisdom to leave folks with? >> Speaker C: Don't go to ampm bathroom.
>> Speaker B: Okay. >> Speaker A: Wise, do you have a specific city in mind, Bret? >> Speaker C: The one that's on the way home from Corbin? I think it's like, exit one. Four or 14 right there. Unclean. >> Speaker B: Wow. >> Speaker C: Sorry, last part of your. I'm lactose intolerant. I drank a half gallon of egg dog just before Christmas break. Coming home, I'm like, I got to go poop. I'm trying to gas up my car, and I'm like, this isn't
happening. I stop gassing my truck. I run over to the bathroom, like, hey, you guys got bathroom? Get the key, run around, unlock the door. About to sit down. I look, there's just pee everywhere on the toilet. Poop smears in there and stuff. And I'm like, dude, I don't have time to wipe this toilet seat. M down. I usually throw toilet paper on public bathrooms. Like, to sit on that. Not those stupid seat things. >> Speaker B: The seat things are ridiculous.
>> Speaker C: I just stand above it. I'm squatting. Well, I guess I wasn't a good aimer that day because just fat liquid pile, like, not diarrhea, because it's chunky enough to stay in one, but right on the seat. And I was like, don't think this is the worst shape this toilet has been in. Yeah, I left it naturally for the next guy. I was like, I tried to wipe it a little bit, but I don't got cleaning products in here. If I clean it too much, they're going to not know and sit on someone's.
>> Speaker B: If I clean it too much, they won't know. >> Speaker A: Yeah, that's actually valid. That's valid. >> Speaker C: Looking out for the public here. >> Speaker B: Yeah, so don't do the ampm. >> Speaker C: Yeah, it's just not the ampm. >> Speaker B: I dig it. Sweet, guys. >> Speaker C: That's it. >> Speaker B: This has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining us, and thanks to our, uh, two guests for being
here. I loved chatting and hearing from you guys. Love you guys. Uh, as always, leave us a rating review. A five star option is our preferred. Uh, and we'll read some of those if you leave them on Apple podcasts. We'd love to read them on the show. Uh, follow us at Privycast on all social media. Follow us. See what sort of shenanigans we're getting up to over there. As always, you can shoot us an email. Privycast@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, uh, and give us episode suggestions,
comments, questions. Uh, just say hi. We love to hear from folks. And so it's cool to see, uh, if you have the courage to admit that you listen to this nonsense. Um, love you guys. Thanks for listening. As always, we want to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of bar room ballet as our intro and outro music. You can find Kevin's music@incompetent.com his music is licensed under Creative Commons license at. Thanks Kevin. This has been another episode of Privy. Thanks so much for
joining us. And now, as always, don't forget to flush. >> Speaker A: Yo. >> Speaker B: Estebridge Inn Suites has a weak flusher. Just saying.