>> Speaker A: We need to normalize saying. Hi, my name's hunter, and I have diarrhea today. Welcome back to privy. Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom. I'm your host, hunter hoover, and I love bathroom rooms. Um, at the day of recording, it is the first day of the fall rains. Uh, I want you to know, and I promise you this is the first time I've said this today, but I mowed my lawn at the exact right
time. I helped a buddy, uh, and former guest of the show, friend of the show, chris luckman, uh, with a bunch of wood, uh, and then got home, and I'm already gross. And I'm looking at my lawn and I'm going, I'm doing it. Hit that lawn, and 2 hours later the rain comes. It makes you feel like a master of time when that happens. It feels so good. It's as if everything is right in the world when that happens.
Also, I want to share, uh, here, in a few weeks, I'm going to be stepping back into the custodial role, so stay, uh, tuned. Hopefully there's not. I'm only going to be doing it for a couple of weeks. I'm filling in for Michael wall, and, uh, I'm only stepping in for a little bit. So I doubt that there's going to be an opportunity to see anything that terribly Randy during that amount of time. Um, but we'll see.
But it almost feels like, you know, in those superhero movies, whenever they have the superhero that retires and then in the one episode he comes back in, gets called out of the thing. That's how this feels like Michael. He's very concerned that I'm going to put the recycling bin in the right spot for pickup day. Um, and so it'll be fine. Also, lots of non bathroom related updates for you. A
couple of things. Number one, pumpkin spice madness has descended on us, and I don't want to get into too much detail, but if you have not already consumed the pumpkin spice frosty, you need to get yourself to Wendy's and go ahead and get you one of those. Slurp that down. Uh, but it is the most white girl thing I have done is I'm definitely three or four, uh, pumpkin spice frosties in this season also right here at the top. And I promise this is probably going to be our last
tangent. Uh, it's fixing to be spookkey season here on the pod. And what that means for you is coming up, you're going to hear some spooky episodes, but it also means that it's fixing to be twist season. Now, as much as it has nothing to do with toilets, I need to explain twist season. This is my soapbox, if you will, to explain to you twist season. So, twist season runs, for lack of a better way of saying it, from October 1 to November
1. Um, and it culminates in Halloween day, wherein we see if truly the efforts of the twist season have paid off. Um, twist season is where we push for justice for the twist. Uh, during twist season, please use hashtag justice for the twist. Um, and what this is is it is an endeavor to get the song incorrectly named the monster mash, to be renamed Transylvania Twist.
Now, this injustice is brought to us by the song itself, wherein the crypt keeper wakes up from his slumber and finds out that his original Transylvania twist has been ripped from him and credited to another as the monster mash. So, to have justice for the twist, it is a month long endeavor to push for people to realize, one, that it is the Transylvania twist, and two, call for the correct naming and reference to the song as the Transylvania twist.
I would like also to note here that from henceforth and forevermore, the monster mash will refer only to the general Mills monster cereal, wherein all the monsters are, quote, mashed together to form a party in your mouth, if you will. But we're not there yet. We have a few days at the point of this episode's release. We're staring at about a week from, uh, twist season. So, everybody hold on. Don't get your jumbles in a twist. But summer has been a time of hands on learning
for us here at privy. We've done a lot of hands on learning. We've done on location recording and lifelong change. Stay tuned. But now it's fall. At the point of recording this, it is the first day of fall, and it's time to talk about 400 year old butt washing technology. You, my wife, has brought me the most bodacious sized hot cocoa. I'm going to go ahead and take a picture of this, uh, if you would like to see it, check
out the privy cast social. Um, but it's just a monster of a. It's really quite a bowl of hot cocoa. Like, at this point, we're talking bowls of hot cocoa, I say as I lean away from the mic to take the picture. Today on privy, we're going to talk about bidets. And in the 14 hundreds, the French would ride bidets. I know what I said. Bidets were used. And outdoors in the pasture, bidets would often be made into a fake play structure for
small children. You might stick, uh, a bidet, uh, on the end of a pole and pretend to ride him around in the field. One might say they watched the television show my little bidet. Bidets originally were not buttwashing sprayers, as we know and love today. In times past, hygiene was much less important. People would bathe often, once a week if they were lucky. If even this often, it was a smelly world. And we've talked about that smelly world at length here on the show.
I'm trying to m, uh, imagine 16th century teen stank. I'm back to work at the high school, and I have gotten to feast, um, my nostrils, if you will, on the just abysmal teen stank that is the end of summer. Uh, armpit sweat that they bring to my classroom. It's just very ripe. Um, modern day teens stank is pretty ferocious. But if the expectation of teens in the 16th, 17th century and earlier is to bathe but once a week, if less than that, probably bathing less. Like you tell a teen
to bathe every day, they're going to bathe less than that. That's just kind of how it goes. Unless you know what, romance is the thing that gets teens clean. They start to want to impress some lady or some little guy, and they're like, m, I better make my armpits not spell like a dumpster. And then they use that axe body spray. They just hose that stuff down. That's a middle school thing. They've figured that out for the most part by high school, I
think. But if everyone is bathing less often, the reality is the world is going to be a stinkier place. That's just facts. Human people have zones on their body that tend to be concentrated stink spots, pits and crevices. They're like little stink hiding spots. It's like the stink is playing hide and go seek in your nethers, in your armpits. Armpit classic. In between the toes, of course. But apparently the private zone was a real stink problem.
In 1415 and 16 hundreds, France in the 16 hundreds, the French came up with a stool. You would straddle and take a bowl of water and wash your downstairs. While you sat straddling this stool, you straddle the pony and you scrub your nethers. Hence, they used to ride bidets, which is the french word for pony, as they straddled them to wash their fiddly bits. This is where the name
for bidet comes from. It is for the term of a pony or a small horse, because these early bidets were like small horse looking contraptions you would straddle to wash yourself. In my brain, I don't know. I'm thinking of, like, one of these wood rocking horses or, like, saw horses. Like a rocking horse that you'd have for a little kid. Or, like, a saw horse that you would do some carpentry work upon. And you just sit just spread eagle on this bad boy and just
wash your downstairs. Really get up in there. Now, I don't know if they had some sort of stretching and flexibility problem. That they had to sit across this thing to properly wash their no no zone. But it seems excessive. What's fascinating is we don't know who invented the bidet, but we know it's french. Wee wee monsour. I had to. I had to. We can't talk about Frenchmen without saying weewee monsour. It's almost like we're contractually obligated to do so.
The earliest mention of a bidet is in 1710 in a french dictionary. And while they are not sure, many credit french furniture maker Christopher Day Rosier. For creating the first bidets. It is noted the device was primarily used by the aristocracy. To stay clean in between baths. Over time, having a bidet became a status symbol. And I would argue that in some ways it can be thought of as this. Today, imagine
you go over to someone's house. And they display this wooden rocking horse type thing with a bowl under it. And you're like, wowie zawie. How am I going to keep up with the Joneses? Look. Did you see their nether washing station? It's so good. The bidet took a while to catch on. It remained in little to no use until about 1726. During this early period in France, the bidet did become associated with going to the bathroom.
More so than it originally was. Prior trials of the bidet included, as noted, uh, a way to clean yourself. But they also viewed it as a contraceptive. You do the deed, you bidet yourself, and you won't get pregnant. Not how it works. Trial and error. Eventually we're going to get these things right. That's what you got to hear. While the bidet is French, the first mention of it in writing outside of that french dictionary. Is in 1726 in
Italy. With this mention, we can see how words about this device began to spread. And it isn't until the mid 17 hundreds. That the addition of something called the bidet syringe appeared. Now, generally speaking, a, uh, syringe needs to stay very far away from anything that's going near my digit or my boring holio. But this bidet syringe was a small device attached to a hand pump that would allow the water to be sprayed upward, directing the flow of traffic,
if you will, into your brown zone of destiny. And it should be noted, the bidet zone, uh, or the clamshell, or the bidet at this point in history is still used primarily in the bedroom. That's right, bedroom. Not bathroom, bedroom. This is a bedroom technology. The idea being you skeet your stink into the chamber pot. Pass that to the piss boy. More on what he does with it next week because there's a step in there that some people went to. And then
you straddle your bidet spray. The nethers new syringe coming soon to a home pony straddle near you and you were fresh as a spring daisy. Like maybe one next to a pig sty. All in your bedroom. It's wild. The bidet spray. The idea that you have this essentially medieval super soaker designed to super soaker your bornhole. And this is a device that we said, yeah, let's stick it in the bedroom. I think we needed
another pass at this. I just think we needed one more pass to make sure that this is where we wanted to go with it. It just gets a significant amount of spray, if you know what I'm saying. The orange vanilla polar seltzer is winning it again. Had one in the shower today. Um, as I said, we hauled a significant amount of wood and there's something about just that hot shower after just a good, honest afternoon's work. But eventually, the bidet did move its way out of the bedroom. Thank God. Um,
I'm so glad that it did. I don't know if I could tolerate if the bidet was a bedroom technology. It's just not right. I do everything I can to keep as many liquids as I can out of the bedroom. Just bodily, non bodily, non edible, all of them. The liquids don't generally need to even be in the bedroom. The first mention of a bidet in the bathroom is from Maria Carolina of Austria. We've moved again. Who was the queen of Naples.
She asked for a bidet to be installed in her bathroom in the royal palace in the early 17 hundreds. Now, it should be noted, she was kind of viewed as, like, weird for doing this. It being in the bathroom eventually did catch on, but at first they were like, what in the flipping heck are you doing? You don't put that in the bathroom. That's bedroom activities. I'm sure Miss Carolina added the spray on attachment and hand pump when it became a thing.
I like to think that these early bidets, which were, I think, pretty big, I think they were straddling something pretty hefty. Check out privy's socials. I think we'll have some pictures of this in there. But I like to think that they are kind of like these modern cars where you can add the fancy attachments and heated seats. Ooh, heated seat bidet. Stay tuned. Um, bidets were technically portable and in one case, somewhat famous. And I will speak at a future
date, but I will share. My wife. My wife has purchased me a portable bidet, and it's pretty nifty. Um, now, it definitely looks like a suggestible, a toy anyway. It doesn't look like it should be put anywhere near your backside. Um, but it gets the job like it does. Hose it down back there. You know what I'm saying? But they were technically portable, and in one case, the bidet became somewhat
infamous. Napoleon Bonaparte. Bonaparte, more like French, um, military commander and leader, rose to prominence in the french revolution. Napoleon led a number of campaigns against european powers after the French Revolution, during which, and during these campaigns, it is estimated that three to 6 million people died. Napoleon was a military leader. He traveled with one of his favorite things. And every time I think of him, I imagine Napoleon dynamite dressed up as Napoleon Bonaparte.
But he was a military leader, and he traveled with one of his favorite things. Napoleon had a silver bidet. Imagine the front lines. They go into the tent to talk to the commander about tomorrow. The cool breeze of the autumn air is just brisk on their nostrils as they wake up. We got to go talk to Napoleon before we go out to campaign. They go in, uh, to talk about tomorrow's conflict. And here's Napoleon, stout little guy that he was sitting astride, his silver bullhorse combo thing.
What a sight. Napoleon took his bidet on all his battles and campaigns. And, um, before he died, he put in his will what to do with this device. And I want to read briefly from Napoleon Bonaparte's last will and testament. In the section, he describes what they should do with his silver lined bidet. The will says, quote, the small gold clock which is now in my bedchamber, my hand washing stand and its water jug, my night tables, those used in France. And my silver guilt bidet he leaves
to you, his son. Here you go, son. Um, here's. I broke it in for you. Spread far and wide, the use of the bidet, perhaps the most famous bidet, was passed on in a will and the use of the bidet became even more widespread as time went on. It moved beyond Europe into China and other parts of the, uh, asian world. The Bidet continued to be adapted and change hand operation, foot operated pumps to control the water heat and cooling.
So much so that it wasn't until the 19 hundreds with updates to plumbing and bathroom fixtures that the bidet moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. I would argue where it should have been the whole time. It took far too long. It's a terrifying thought to think that it's only in the last 120 years that people said, you know what? Bidets should be in the bathroom. Really? They should. Like, who's. This was 200 years. Maria Carolina got it right. She had it figured out.
She requested one in her bathroom. She was a trendsetter and bidet sitter, but more importantly, she just had some gosh dang common sense. What in the world would you need to put a bidet in the bedroom for? That's laziness. As the bidet makes its way out of the bedroom, m we find that we need to leave you ready for part two as we make our way out. Well, sort of of this episode, it's a cliffhanger like that. I'll throw you a
bone. Unfortunately, someone crapped their pants real hard in the last few weeks and so we need to talk about it. We'll come back to the bidet one day, but for now, it's time for poo in the news. This episode's poo in the news is brought to you by literally every online news agency because they've got to have something to talk about. You know, they have to. That's the thing. Sometimes you get on the news, uh, I'm going to flip and slurp this hot cocoa. It's so big.
Oh, yeah. But this poo in the news is brought to you by literally every online news agency because they all got to have at the beginning of this month, September 2023 of our Lord, a, uh, Delta Airlines flight was forced to reverse its flight. And, uh, by that, I mean, they turned around. They didn't fly backwards. Planes don't do that. Although. But they were forced to turn around and head back to Atlanta on their way to Barcelona.
The report sent to the ground station was there was a health emergency on board the flight. The flight contained 336 passengers plus staff and they didn't make it far. They left Atlanta and they were forced to about face somewhere over Virginia. The passengers had about an eight hour delay on the ground in Atlanta and later arrived in Barcelona about eight to 10 hours after they were scheduled to have arrived the first time.
And all are just fascinated in a buzz at this health issue, quote unquote health issue. And it is this. One of the passengers had diarrhea. The reports of this diarrhea incident say that the diarrhea had, quote, flowed all the way through the plane, end quote. The pilot described it as a biohazard to air traffic control. When asked why they are turning around, I wouldn't even be mad. I would be pretty
frustrated. I have my reason why I'd be frustrated. I would not be frustrated at the actual act of the diarrhea. Everybody gets diarrhea. We've all had it. We've all had it this week. And when you get diarrhea, you just have to diarrhea. You can't just not do it. That's why it's diarrhea. Part of diarrhea being diarrhea is that it demands to make its exit. And they totally just crapstormed this plane, like, up and down the aisle.
The videos that you can see, you can't see much of the diarrhea, but you can see that they have laid these absorbent. It's essentially like a giant maxi pad, but for, like, turds, wet turds, but they have, like, jumbo Maxi padded the entire walkway of the aisle of the plane. It's like, all the way. It's almost the entire length of the plane. And that's
an impressive amount of diarrhea. As a man who has produced a significant portion of diarrhea in his life, I'm here to tell you I'm impressed by the amount of diarrhea I see in the video. But the person is, like, getting flak. And there's all sorts of people on the Internet, like, oh, I'm the diarrhea princess who did this. Also, it's claimed to be a woman. Um, I guess, good
on you. Uh, but the thing that drives me absolutely bonkers here, and I get there's pressures to not miss your flight, but I don't think they were very long into this flight. And unless this diarrhea, it must have come on pretty strong, because in my experience, when I have diarrhea to this point, I can see it coming from a mile away. Like, I know that we are in diarrhea zone. It's not a
surprise. And so I'm sitting here going, why didn't you just get to the gate, say, excuse me, ma'am, I'm here. I have to produce liquid Shaz if I do not produce liquid shaz, I'm going to produce that liquid shaz up and down the aisle of your aeroplane. Would you please hold the gate while I go drop my liquid shaz in the bathroom before boarding this plane? Diarrhea happens, but just communicate the diarrhea. It's okay. We need to normalize saying, hi, my name's Hunter, and I have
diarrhea today. It's okay. It happens to everyone. It's so bad that the plane had to turn around. It's somewhat impressive, but it's also, I'm sure, frustrating to any of these. This has been another segment of poo in the news. And this brings us to the end of another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining us. We love having you. Um, thank you for listening to the show. The show is over 100 episodes in. Um, there's still stuff to learn about bathrooms, but if you would follow
us on social media, we're at privycast. And feel free to share the show. Share the show with three people. Word of mouth is huge, but if you can share episodes as they release with folks online, as we grow this community of people who care maybe a little bit too much about bathrooms, that would be super helpful. Leave us a review. The five star options are preferred, and we will donate a dollar to the wounded warriors project for, uh, reviews and ratings left there
reminding us to keep pooping in the free world. But that free world was not always free. Spookkey season is coming up. Don't forget twist season. We want to thank Kevin McLeod and Pottington Bear for the use of their music this week. Thanks, Kevin and Pottington. Email us privycast@gmail.com. This m brings us to the end of another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining us. Own your stank fart proudly. And now, as always, don't forget to flush.